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Luca closed his eyes, only to blink them back open once more. In front of him, was not only the love of his life, but life itself. The way his dark obsidian embers turned a light haze when he looked at Luca, to the way his dimples carved into his cheeks, the way he softly curled his fingers around the ravenettes' hair; he could go on forever.
Norton Campbell, was his everything. Remembering the first time they met was the equivalent to a heart beating verbatim to every love story Shakespeare had created. It was always fresh to the mind, everyday it was like he had fallen in love over and over again. The thrill never ceased being exciting. He craved for more, yearned for more, wanting the man to stay beside him until the world melted from the overbearing shrill of the pale yellow sun.
Together they sat, on the lonely hill, the one where they had first met. The mound used to flourish in trees, vast with life, yet due to war, everything was burnt and destroyed. That never stopped them though. From here, you could see the city; glowing in luminous as the fog dusted over the plethora of buildings that seemed to go on forever. The sun didn’t do its job, but that didn’t matter. The chill of the wind was a nice feeling, buffering against the silks of their clothes; kissing their cheeks until they blossomed a soft pink.
Yet from there, he could only see Norton, the whole world In front of him. Every chance they got, the pair always met up. Chatting on and on for hours or more; even if it had been topics from past discussions, they relished in each other's vibrancy— Norton never had enough time. He always needed to go back. To his friends, to the other soldiers waiting in the wings. So whether it be the same conversation or not, they did whatever they could, just to be with each other one last time. Until one day, Norton would never return again. Luca knew in his heart though, that his lover would return. He always had.
When Luca suffered a fateful brain injury to his head, Norton returned, when Luca sought aide from the nurse, Norton returned; even if the nurse looked at him like he was mad, when Luca was at his worst, Norton returned, when Luca had discovered someone he cherished had died, he returned— even if Luca couldn’t remember who it was. Norton was there, always. They had promised, he had promised, that they’ll be together no matter what the circumstances were.
So when he had sought warmth in the others' gaze, he could only see those sharp obsidian embers become duller by each passing day. He started to take notice a few weeks ago, the way his skin went from a warm tone of beige to an almost pale gray, to the way his scar bruised purple like it had decayed for more than a while. But Luca couldn’t help but pay attention to how Norton’s smile grew more somber. His eyes only reflected a gaze of longing, a yearning for rest. He looked tired. Luca wished Norton would tell him what was on his mind. He knew for a while now that the other was growing more solemn; more reminiscent.
Norton loved talking about his friends. Those old chaps of his, vibrant, eccentric, friendly; charismatic. After the accident, he couldn’t seem to remember them all too well. But by Norton’s constant storytelling, he could only remember the few that mattered. Naib, Aesop, Eli, Martha, William and Andrew. He'd met them light years ago, when Norton brought them back to their rickety apartment one winter night in 1915. They had to leave the next day, but Luca would never be able to forget the way they carried themselves. They were people who had planned a life decades ahead of themselves, chatting excitedly about the years to come after the war. Luca remembered promising them to a banquet, once they returned.
He was so jubilant at the thought, he had it all planned out in his head. He awaited their return, even though it's almost been a year. At least Norton was with him, even if he started to visit awfully a lot less. He only presumed it was due to that of visiting limitations of the soldiers. Luca didn’t care. As long as Norton was with him, he could sleep soundly.
So when Norton looked at him with a weak smile, Luca could only guess he had to leave again.
“I’m gettin tired, love.”
Luca nodded, trying to keep a smile on his face. No matter how many times Norton had to go, he knew he’d be back. Even if it grew harder the more and more he departed.
“I know.”
Norton shook his head and laughed to himself softly. He looked out to the city, letting the wind tussle with the brown locks of his hair. His eyes drowned in the pits of sorrow as he stared at Luca. The remnants of an unfinished symphony plaguing every scar that craved his face.
“They’re waitin’ for me Luca.” he grabbed the younger’s hand caressing it softly. Luca felt his heart lurch at the cold feeling engulfing his palm. “They have been for awhile now.”
He spoke, but only the greatest of ears could pick up the soft whisper shivering under his breath, “will you be back?”
That’s when Norton turned away. That silly smile, dropping just as bit as he pulled Luca to lean against him. The sun was setting soon. Which always symbolized their goodbyes, kept within the burning the fires of a pale sunset until spilling them to the whole world when it dawned once again.
Luca didn’t want to say goodbye.
“No, not this time.”
He nodded weakly, feeling the tears flow softly down his cheeks. He leaned into the others shoulder, squeezing the now freezing hand that squeezed back with just as much force.
“It gets harder y’a know? I feel weaker and weaker. The lads...are slowly getting worse. We don't know how long we’ll last.”
Norton sucked in a breath. One that he didn’t need to take.
“It’s not fair to y’a. Luca..” he lifted the others chin, “you gotta whole life ahead of y’a. Yer damn charmin, cute and a genius. You don’t got enough time to just sit here talkin to someone who isn’t there.”
The ravanette froze.
“Norty… but you are here..?” Luca began to shake as Norton only shook his head.
He quickly pulled a white letter branded with a red paste, gently slipping it in the hands of the other. Luca didn’t want to read it. He knew what it was. For a long time, Luca knew why Norton always came back. But for one last time, he wanted to live out this hallucination. The hallucination that let him be with his lover who wasn’t there.
“For just a bit longer...can you stay?”
The other smiled weakly before agreeing silently. Together the two sat in silence, enjoying each other's presence one last time. Norton traced small circles on Lucas back as Luca continued to cry silently, tears never ceased its pouring. He tried to keep the smile on his face.
In this moment in time, Luca thought about their first meetings, their first kiss, to their first time getting intimate. Though the risk of loving each other was prominent, Luca couldn’t imagine a world without Norton Campbell being his only one. He couldn’t ask for anyone else, even if Norton was penniless, homeless, weak, unattractive— Luca would forever love him regardless. No matter how many timelines they meet. No matter how many times they die trying. Luca Balsa would always and forever love Norton Campbell, in life and in death.
And In this moment Norton Campbell thought about Luca Balsa. The ever so shameless inventor he’d met all those years ago. He thought about the way his hips fit so well In his hands, to the way the other’s fang stuck out so noticeably. He remembered how Luca helped him fix the broken mirror of himself, loving every flaw— every insecurity. He remembered how Luca made him become the man he’s always wanted to be. A life without Luca Balsa was a life not worth living. His eyes bore at the sun, watching as the light slowly slivered to a crescent moon.
He remembered his last moments on that field. He remembered his friends, how they had fallen valiantly one by one telling him to move forward no matter the cost. He remembered Lucas' smile being the last thing he saw, before he closed his eyes. Only to never open them again.
“…”
In the sun's last moments, Luca caressed Norton’s face; freezing at the touch. He leaned in, kissing those blue lips, tasting grass and the coldness of ice. Norton grabbed hold of Lucas' head and kissed back softly, letting his tongue collide with the others. Before he pulled away.
In the distance he could hear the jumble of footsteps pave their way. Laughter in the distance was heard as his friends appeared closer and closer.
“Norton!” their voices expressed relief as by each passing minute the pain of the numbing cold ceased, knowing that soon they’d be able to pass on. Along with Norton by their side.
Luca rested his forehead against the other's, tears continuing to tread softly to that of the grass.
“Je vous aimerai toujours et pour toujours”
I will love you always and forever
Norton smiled.
“Y nunca dejaré de amarte Luca Balsa. Te esperaré, pero no te apresures. Tienes décadas por delante.” he kissed his lips one last time, “so live for me, okay?”
And I will never stop loving you Luca Balsa. I'll wait for you, but don't rush. You have decades ahead of you. So live for me, okay?
“Norton!”
Luca nodded his head violently, hugging the other as they both got up. Norton ruffled his hair, flashing his signature smile. Even if the cracks and bruises started to grow more prominent. Luca clutched the letter to his hand as Norton began walking to join his friends. He turned back in his final moments:
“See y’a, Balsa.”
In what seemed like moments, Norton had finally reached his friends. They clambered over him, happiness evading their spirits as their battle scars were in their prime. Though it looked like they suffered, the only thing Luca could see was their acceptance. Martha had her arm around Naib, as William lifted a Norton in the air. Eli and Aesop smiled as Andrew carried one single rose, a yellow one.
The rose of goodbyes.
And just like that, they were finally at rest.
————-
“...”
Luca awoke to the chilly air of dusk. His eyes burned from the cold, his cheeks especially. His face felt tender while the gut wrenching feeling of loss welled up in the pits of his stomach.
Which was when he remembered everything. He couldn’t find it within himself to cry, it was so painful. All he could do was writhe in his eternal agony as he remembered everything.
Luca remembered the funeral, he remembered why his friends never made it back on the train home. They all died.
Martha, Naib, William, Eli, Aesop, Andrew, Norton .
Sobs choked in his throat as he violently pulled at the grass where Norton had once sat. He promised. He promised.
Luca hyperventilated. He remembered. He remembered Norton in the casket, the accident that led to his insufferable brain damage, he remembered talking to no one in that hospital bed, he remembered talking to no one ever. Norton was never there.
The war was over. It had been over.
Luca remembered the letter Norton gave him, he never wanted to read it. He knew. He knew what it was.
Luca looked to the letter in his hands. He trembled weakly as his fingers shook with every little tear he made. Once pulling it out, he sucked in a tiny breath. Face burning, body shaking, he read:
January 31, 1915
Dear Luca,
If you receive this letter, which you never will— I’m sorry in my deepest regrets, that I’ve broken our promise. I will not be returning home anytime soon or anytime in forever . Neither will the rest. It seems I have joined them in their mansions of rest, and I pray to God that you are in good health. I was told to write to my loved ones just in case something terrible happens to me out there. We’ve taken a real bad blow, my love. None of them are here anymore. It’s just me. Yet, I cannot spend my time shackling myself to grief.
Sometimes— I’m ashamed to admit, that I feel utterly hopeless, alone, truly in despair. But your face, your beauty—- you... I can’t help but be selfish and keep on fighting. You are the best thing to ever happen in my life, you are my everything Luca Balsa. And I will not let some goddamn war get in fucks way. I will be there soon my love.
I’m sorry the others won't be there to join us. But we can live for them, yeah? I know you’ll never receive this letter, but I can’t help but dream of a life—- a life of just you n’me, anywhere but here. Anywhere but the earth. Is it selfish of me to yearn for something other than serving this country and our allies? Maybe so, but I cannot find it within the depth of my heart to care.
Luca Balsa if I could just live a life with you, I would gladly take it. Once we win, we’re movin. I’m takin’ you somewhere far away. Could you imagine? Just the two of us livin’ freely In the woods or somethin! I know it’s extremely ridiculous, but I’ll find a way to make it happen. So that then, we’ll be able to finally live.
No more judgment, no more dirty looks, no more. You said anything was possible, and I can’t help but think you’re right. You’re truly a genius, Luca. I’ll never stop bein proud of y’a, whether in life or death. You’ll make a name of yourself; and I’ll watch from wherever I am, but don't stress. I’m always right next to your or— maybe a step behind. You get the point. I’ll be by your side, just like I promised!
Everyday I think about how I'll smother you in every way possible, you are my only reason to keep going. You were always and will forever be my inventor— my inspiration, my muse. I cannot wait until I see you again my love.
There is simply no need for goodbyes. They symbolize the end. When for us, it’s only the beginning.
Love,
Norton Campbell.
P.S. I carry that picture of you everywhere I go, just in case.. That if I die, you’ll be with me.
The very bottom of the letter stating: Killed in Action. Date of death: February 1, 1915. Cause: fatal injuries to the torso, thought to be caused by various bullet wounds.
Luca clutched the paper as he drew in a few more tight breaths. Yet he couldn’t help but let out a small smile, that idiot . Always so full of himself. He thought. But nonetheless his heart brimmed along with the tragedy.
The ravenette got up nimbly as he approached the lone tree at the top of the hill. There stood a lone gravestone accompanied by a yellow rose planted in the middle.
Luca bent down to caress the stone lightly.
“I read it.” He said, feeling the moss come in contact with his fingertips, “you’re such a fool..” Luca hiccuped, “I love you so much mon amour.” the man shook within every syllable that crossed his lips, “I know we made a promise. I'm sorry I haven’t been living up to it-” he paused. “But this time around, I'll be sure to live for the both of us.”
He slumped against the tree beside the gravestone, tears coming and going. The chilly breeze of the wind never failed to kiss every part of his skin; all the imperfections that stained them. His eye ached, the bruise still swelling, his body trembled, his lips quivered. From here, he could still see the city. Though this time around, he was alone. Or was he? He still had them, even if they weren’t here physically. Yet, he was still thankful. That he was able to live a life alongside them.
The world will never remember Naib Subedar, the stubborn mercenary that still held compassion for those he cared about. The world will never remember William Ellis, the reckless man who dreamed of a life where everyone was equal no matter who they were. The world will never remember Martha Behamfil, a strong woman who never stopped at advocating for rights of women alike. The world will never remember Andrew Kreiss, a timid man who enjoyed the tranquil that life brought along the way. The world will never remember Eli Clark, a spirited man who could lead a troubled soul to a path of everlasting forgiveness. The world will never remember Aesop Carl, a man who sympathized with that of the fallen, no matter what path their heart tread.
The world will never remember Norton Campbell, a man who was everything.
Luca felt his body swell to a burning flame, he tried his best to keep smiling. The world may not ever remember their contributions, dreams or aspirations; but Luca will. He’ll keep living for them.
He truly hated goodbyes. That's what you said to someone you’ll never see again.
He pressed his forehead softly to that of the stone, whispering something only he could hear. Something he should’ve said long ago.
“Thank you for everything.”
He’ll see them again, in a matter of time.