Archive of Our Own

“Mac.”

Dennis’ voice was low and small, barely audible over the racket of Mac and Dee’s third pointless argument of the day.

“I'm just saying, the bar would be infinitely more better if we, like, hooked up this shit to it, y’know, take it to a whole new level-”

“Your new level is always fucking garbage, okay, Mac? Jesus Christ, like you have nothing but bad ideas-”

“Mac,” Dennis rasped again, struggling to be heard. Had he not felt the words sharply falling off his tongue, burning his throat, he wouldn't have even identified them as his own, but instead of some pathetic ingrate lightyears below himself.

“My ideas are not bad! They are not! I always have great ideas and you know it, you skinny bird bitch!” Mac was shouting, shoving his shoulders forward as though it'd intimidate Dee into siding with him.

Dee scoffed, loud and very purposefully obvious, working to ruffle as many of Mac’s feathers as possible. “You've literally never had a good idea in your life. Everything you do fails, miserably, okay, which is why I'm saying to scrap that shit-”

“Mac,” wheezed Dennis, raising his voice as much as he could - which wasn't really a lot right then. That finally got his attention, and he sighed, still not looking at Dennis.

“Oh my God, dude, what is up, because I am having a very important debate right now and I do not need you interrupting with some bullshit getting me off my groove and…” He trailed off as he finally locked his gaze onto Dennis’ pale, heaving figure.

Dennis had one vice grip on the bar, knuckles white as he used it to keep himself upright, the other gripping his stool. He was hunched, the shadows falling over his face in just the wrong way, showing off how gaunt his cheeks were, accentuating the corpse-like look he'd acquired. It was a sight Mac had only really seen a couple of times on Dennis - one after he'd hit his lowest point with the crack addiction, one when he hadn't eaten in about a week. Suffice to say, his heartbeat picked up as he feared for the worst, Dee and the argument forgotten.

“Dennis, Dennis, holy shit dude, are you - what's wrong, man, did you even - have you eaten today? Dennis? Den?” Mac fussed over him as he came to his side immediately, a secure grip resting on his back, his other hand moving to hold Dennis’ ghastly pale cheek. Normally Dennis would've pushed him off, but in the moment he didn't have it in him.

“Mac,” Dennis tried again, taking a few deep breaths in before he continued, “I need… I-I need, um, I don't know, I just… I don't… I feel really - really bad, man.” 

“Have you eaten today, dude?” Mac asked first, his voice dripping in concern as his eyes did that stupid kicked puppy look he got sometimes. Dennis hated it, because it made him feel things that he didn't really like to think about, much less bring to the forefront of his mind like the damn puppy eyes did.

“I - uh, n-no, no, I didn't,” Dennis answered, a bit quiet, hesitant to be honest about his disgustingly bad eating habits whilst knowing lying would only hurt Mac more.

Mac didn't reply at first, sighing and standing up and breaking contact away from Dennis all too fast, leaving him with a painful sense of vertigo as his head drooped and chest heaved.

He heard the shuffling of two sets of feet, words he was too out of it to understand, then the sound of the front door opening and near-slamming shut. It was so loud, piercing his ears and making his head pound. Dennis let out a feeble whimper, the hand on the stool rushing up to cup one of his ears. Where the hell was Mac?

An agonizingly long minute later, Dennis felt warm hands grip his sides as he heard Mac begin to speak, trying to focus in on what he was saying. “...got you a, um, I think it’s like some protein bar or something, I would’ve gotten something way more better but since we’re a bar, y’know, we don’t really have food, so…” Mac trailed off, one hand leaving Dennis’ side to take the protein bar out of his pocket, and he gingerly brought it up to Dennis’ mouth. “Here, man. Take a bite, c’mon.”

Dennis stared at the bar in disgust, unwilling to actually put that vile shit in his body, but he took one spare glance at Mac’s distressed face and relented, biting down on it.

Mac’s face lit up as he ate the protein bar, bouncing on his heels a bit. “There you go, dude, that’s great! Okay, okay, do you still - how bad is it now? You feeling better yet, man?” Mac’s words were rushed, spilling together as his eyes darted around Dennis’ features, surveying him for any signs of improvement.

If he were to be honest, Dennis still felt like utter shit. But the bar did help with the sharp pains in his stomach that, even as he ignored and pushed them away, still caused his discomfort. And Mac - Mac was there, inches away from him, overly eager to do anything to help. That made it just a little better.

Dennis tried to stand, pushing himself up with the hand he had gripping the bar. Immediately Mac leapt to his feet, hands on Dennis, holding him as he cooed, “Hey, hey, it’s okay, you don’t gotta get up just yet, alright? It’s no rush, man, no rush.”

But Dennis didn’t stop, managing to get both feet flat on the floor, hands moving to hold tightly on to Mac’s shirt, his head dropping into the crook of Mac’s neck. Mac’s arms shuffled around to hold Dennis’ back, pressing the two of them together. Mac caught the smell of strong liquor from Dennis’ breath, and he scrunched up his nose.

“It’s okay, dude, it’s okay. I got you,” Mac mumbled into Dennis’ hair, stroking his back for a moment before suddenly hefting him up, carrying him bridal style. Dennis let out a grunt as he was brought off the ground, but didn’t complain, draping his arms around Mac’s neck. “We’re going to the car, okay,” Mac alerted him, and he quickly made his way out of the bar and towards the Range Rover.

Mac gently set Dennis down in the passenger seat, moving to buckle him in before Dennis slapped his hand feebly and did it himself, causing Mac to draw back with his hands raised. After giving Dennis another once-over, he nodded to himself and took his spot in the driver’s seat. “Okay, so, Den, I’m gonna take you by the hospital, and we can get you like, all sorted out there-”

“No,” Dennis grunted, head drooping. “No, no - no goddamn… hospital. Home.” He drew his hand out, reaching desperately until he found Mac’s, interlocking their fingers. “Home. Please.”

Mac stared at him for about a full minute, cheeks flushed, before reality set back in and he nodded frantically. “I - Y-yeah, okay, yeah - home. I’ll get you home, buddy.” Mac quickly started up the car, using his one free hand to steer as he made his way back to their apartment.

When they pulled in to the parking lot of their building, Mac turned to Dennis, squeezing his hand a bit. “We’re here, so, I’m just gonna - I’m gonna come around and get you, okay? So just hold on for a second, I’ll be-” He cut himself off as he exited the car, making his way around to Dennis’ side. Gently, just like before, he scooped Dennis up in his arms, holding his slightly shaky body close to his own. Just like before, Dennis wrapped his arms around Mac’s neck, his head resting on his chest.

The walk up to their apartment was a bit bumpy and slow, as Mac tried to drag Dennis up the stairs without shaking him too badly, even though his arms were very close to giving out. They finally reached the door and Mac all but kicked it in, setting Dennis down on the couch as he breathed heavily. For a minute all he did was pant and catch his breath, finally turning to look at Dennis.

He was curled in on himself on the couch, arms wound tightly around his torso, knees drawn up near his chest. The sight made Mac’s heart constrict, and for a moment he was at a loss of what to do. He wasn't really good with this stuff - emotions, yeah, he could work with them, he knew them, he was super emotional himself. But bringing Dennis back from a low point like this was always difficult, because even though he could figure out Dennis’ confusing mood swings and lies most of the time, it was a whole other ballpark when he actually expressed being in pain.

Mac took in a breath and sat down on the couch next to Dennis, cautiously putting a hand on his shoulder, as if afraid he'd freak out at too sudden a touch. Dennis didn't react, so he figured it was okay, and gently rubbed at his shoulderblade. “Dennis,” he spoke up, voice soft. “Can you tell me what's up, man? I just - you know, I just wanna help, but I don't really know what's up right now. Please tell me, dude.”

For a long time Dennis was silent, not even making an indication he'd heard Mac at all. Fidgeting impatiently where he sat, Mac was just about to forget it and try something else when Dennis finally spoke.

“Nearly dr- nearly damn drank myself to… to death, man,” Dennis sighed, his grip relaxing. “And I - I mean obviously I had some crack, can't - can't live without… need…” He shook his head violently, seemingly drawing himself out of a stupor. “But that isn't - it's not important, it's not… because… Mac, Mac buddy, I - had some - I realized-” Dennis let out a low cough, a whine of pain escaping his lips.

Mac stood up, worry etched into his features. “Listen man, I'm gonna get you some like, aspirin or Tylenol or something because you are seriously not doing good, okay?” He moved to leave, but Dennis’ hand shot up and grabbed his wrist.

“Mac, please - please, I have - Mac, I need to tell you…” he tried, but Mac shook his hand off and left anyway, the bastard.

It really did not take long to get pain meds and water, Dennis thought, but somehow Mac managed to be the slowest in the world. It felt like an eternity before Mac returned, pills and water in one hand, a peeled apple in the other.

Oh. So that was why.

Mac sat next to him again, carefully handing him the pills. Dennis shoved them in and reached for the water, which Mac gave easily, and he downed it with a quick gulp. Mac watched him for a moment before giving him the apple, too, which Dennis took a grateful bite from. It was much better than the tasteless protein bar from before.

“Okay, now that you're all like, nursed to health and shit, you can tell me what's up,” Mac stated helpfully, eyes wide and concerned.

Dennis let out a small sigh, setting the half-eaten apple on the table. He shook a little, then composed himself and tried to continue where he'd left off.

His drug-induced confidence was fading fast, though, and Dennis found it harder to force the words to leave his tongue. Regardless, Mac was sat alert and ready, whenever he could find it in him to speak.

“I was - I thought a lot, while on, uh, on the crack. And I was thinking - I - you know, Mac, you know I don't… I'm not…” He was shaking, he realized, and took in a deep breath, gaze fixating on a DVD case by the wall.

“I don't… love… women, y’know? I - I-I just - I use them, to… to fill the… this hole, inside of me. B-But I think - pretending - being - b-being what I'm - I'm not, is just… it's bigger,” Dennis choked out, and he felt a wave of panic hit him. He'd never admitted this to anyone else - not even Dee, who, as much as he screamed about hating her, was always who he went to with big revelations and problems.

But this was Mac, and he would understand it.

“I'm - I'm g - I'm gay, Mac, a-and I think I always knew but I've never - I'm too - I'm scared,” he admitted, voice a harsh whisper.

He was too afraid to meet Mac’s eyes. Realistically Dennis knew Mac wouldn't care - he was gay too, after all. He'd even been loud about it recently, almost too loud at times. Mac would understand.

He was still scared shitless, though.

Mac was quiet for a moment, the hand on Dennis’ shoulder now still. Dennis’ heart pounded loudly in his chest, like it was trying to break out of his ribcage and run away from him and Mac and what he’d just let out into the open. The silence burned in his ears.

Then, Mac spoke. “Me too, man,” he said dumbly, eyes on Dennis. “I mean - that’s great, man, I’m glad you were able to say it.” Dennis examined his face, looking for any signs of dishonesty or humor at his expense. When he found none, he settled a bit, unfurling on the couch. He was still shaky from the crack fleeing his system, but with his emotional turmoil largely at ease, he felt a weight lift from his shoulders.

“I - I really need to sleep now, dude,” Dennis admitted, taking in deep breaths. Mac nodded instantly and stood up, ready to help.

“You want me to carry you back to your bed? Or - you got it?”

Dennis pondered it for a minute, then soundlessly raised his arms. A grin split across Mac’s face and he hoisted him up once more, carrying Dennis to his room. He set him down gently on the bed, one hand ghosting over his cheek before he drew it back to his lap. “So, um, if you’re all good in here, then I’m just gonna hang out in the living room, y’know watch some TV. But, just let me know if you need anything, okay man?”

Dennis nodded, a small smile on his face. “Yeah. Y-Yeah, I’ll be fine, Mac.” He paused, and when Mac was at the door, he mumbled a soft “thanks” before turning over and letting sleep overtake him.

The next time it got brought up was at Paddy’s.

The gang was conniving on some scheme, again, something about taking revenge after Frank got scammed; it was largely unimportant to Dennis, and he only paid half attention as a plan was drawn up.

For some reason, the focus shifted, and a joke was made about Mac being gay. Then, about him living with another man. 

Dennis tuned in then, looking up, his gaze wary.

“Listen man, all I’m saying is, it’s kind of amazing you only came to terms with being gay a few years ago when you’ve been, like, living with another dude your age and sharing a bank account for probably two decades now,” Charlie stated, hands raised, a rag in one of them.

Mac bristled, his fist on the bar. “That doesn’t mean shit, Charlie! Two best friends can totally live together, super platonically, even if they’re gay!”

Silence fell over the bar. Dennis felt his body, his veins, freeze, turn into ice.

The rest of the gang looked from Mac, to Dennis, back to Mac, and Dennis noticed a particularly evil grin on Dee’s face. As if on cue, she opened her mouth and retorted, “‘They’re’? Like, both of you?”

Mac didn’t answer at first, his hand dropping to his side nervously as he looked back at Dennis. Apologetic eyes met furious ones, and Mac quickly drew his gaze away. “Um - I - I didn’t mean to say - it’s not… That isn’t what I meant,” he said quietly, fidgeting with his hands.

“Are you sure dude? ‘Cause it really sounded like you meant both of you are gay,” Charlie spoke up, leaning on the bar.

“I swear to God, I can handle one queer in the bar, but if we got another-” Frank started, hands gesturing wildly, and they all began talking over each other, quoting instances where Mac and Dennis were being particularly gay, but Dennis couldn’t hear it over the sound of his pulse beating loudly in his brain.

Dennis hardly realized it at first, but another silence had come over the bar, the rest of the gang all looking at him expectantly. Most likely to quell the rumor, to say that Mac had misspoken because he was so stupid, to claim that there was no way he was gay considering all the women he banged, to say that yes you could live with another man without it being gay. Or they expected him to admit it, to say what he had never been able to admit without the hysteria of crack cocaine and the assurance of the man he was admitting to also being gay.

When he couldn’t speak, couldn’t make any kind of retort that would either directly confirm or deny Mac’s slip up, it was all over. Dee jumped up, pointing at Dennis as she shouted, “I knew it! I knew he was a little bit gay, I could tell since we were kids! I mean, what kind of straight guy wears makeup that religiously?”

“Yeah, you know, the makeup was always super weird to me too, but I didn’t say anything ‘cuz he like freaks out if you bring it up,” Charlie added thoughtfully, a malevolent smile creeping up on his face.

Dennis could only watch helplessly as the gang sans Mac shouted about how gay he was, how it all made sense, how they were never surprised - but he could feel the unsaid in it, that he was a freak, an abomination, a creep, he was disgusting, nasty, useless worthless ugly awful-

He ran.

He ran until he could no longer hear the noise inside Paddy’s, until the neighborhood looked different, until he couldn’t recognize the street he was on, until he felt sharp pains in his sides and in his lungs and he had to stop lest his body force him to.

Dennis collapsed on a street corner against a lamp, hands wrapping around his sides as he wheezed uncontrollably. He was starting to feel a little regret that he hadn’t just taken off in the Range Rover, maybe even left Philly for a while, but he felt a little part of him maybe wanted to be chased after and found.

By Mac, of course. The rest of the gang could go fuck themselves and die and he wouldn’t bat an eye.

As he sat pathetically under the streetlamp, though, he could feel that wasn’t going to happen. The sun began to sink over the horizon, getting in his eyes in just the worst way, and he bit down harshly on his lip, trying to quell the oncoming tears. He couldn’t remember if he applied waterproof mascara that morning, and he couldn’t handle if-

Then Dee’s words rattled around in his brain, and he tried to think about something else.

There wasn’t much else to think about, really - his entire life revolved around Mac and the gang in some way, which made it tough when he was trying to think of anything that wasn’t them. Even the setting sun, harsh and demanding on his eyelids, reminded him of them, and he couldn’t stop the tears anymore.

He knew this kind of thing was going to happen. He’d known Dee and Frank all his life, Charlie a very large portion of it, and he knew they weren’t going to take it kindly. Mac being gay was different - they all sort of knew, years before Mac truly did, to the point that they didn’t really care when it came to light aside from making jabs at his expense.

But Dennis was different. Dennis had so successfully made his home in the closet that it was practically an impenetrable fortress, secured by one night stands and obnoxious boob drawings and a named system for getting with women. Dennis being gay had never been a serious, real thought in their minds, so the idea of it would be jarring.

And then Mac had to go and tell them, in his own stupid way.

Dennis curled in on himself again, face buried in his knees. Time passed as he sat - how much, he didn’t really know, or care. He finally looked up when bright lights filled his vision, the sun now completely set. He squinted as he tried to make out what it was and his eyes widened upon realizing it was the Range Rover.

The car stopped, lights cutting off, and he heard the car door open and shut quickly, footsteps sounding closer until he felt familiar arms wrap around him and pull him up. He found himself face to face with a distraught Mac, and they were so close Dennis could feel Mac’s heavy breaths on his cheek.

“Den, I’m so, so sorry,” Mac said sincerely, pulling the puppy eyes again. “I really - I did not mean to say it like that, okay, and then I was gonna come after you but Charlie blocked the door and they all kinda cornered me in and made me tell them and I really didn’t want to because you obviously had a hard time with it and I get that, man, but I - I’m sorry. I had to make sure you were okay, though.”

Dennis’ head spun from what Mac had just thrown on him. So the gang knew. They all knew because they forced it out of Mac. Because Mac told them. He found himself growing unsteady, hands clinging to Mac’s arms. He had that vertigo feeling again, like he was falling in place, the world spinning around him.

Mac seemed to notice, and he pulled Dennis closer, drawing him into a gentle hug. “I - I really am sorry, dude. I didn’t mean to-”

“Goddammit, Mac, please shut the fuck up,” Dennis sighed, but his voice lacked any real passion as he melted into Mac’s touch.

For a moment they simply stood there, holding each other close. Then, suddenly, Mac broke away, pulling Dennis with him by the hand and dragging him into the Range Rover. He himself sat in the driver's yet again, one hand resting on Dennis’ thigh as he started up the car and began to drive.

“Listen, so, the rest of the gang is still at Paddy’s I think, so we can stop by there and you can explain, maybe tell them I was just pulling a prank and y’know you were, like, stringing them along or whatever it is that you do, and then we can go home. Okay?” Mac offered, glancing away from the road occasionally to gauge Dennis’ reaction.

He was largely expressionless as Mac talked, too drained from his earlier breakdown to really emote at all. Dennis realized Mac was staring at him expectantly, so he nodded half-heartedly. “Yeah. Sure, man.”

Really, though, Dennis had other ideas.

They pulled up to Paddy’s, and Mac spared no time in getting out and making his way to Dennis’ car door, attempting to help him out before Dennis swatted him away. “I got this, Mac,” he said seriously, and Mac held his gaze for a beat longer before nodding, letting Dennis walk ahead of him.

He opened the door to the bar, and it was instantly quiet.

“Hey, Dennis,” Dee called, sounding far more cheerful than she no doubt was. “How are you, buddy?”

“Dennis! Mac! You guys are… here!” Charlie greeted them awkwardly, outstretching his arms for a moment before stiffly pulling them back to his sides.

Frank simply stared for a moment, beer bottle in hand, before shrugging, “Welcome back, queers.”

Frank’s pathetic and insulting greeting almost made Dennis lose his resolve as anger bubbled up inside of him, but he held fast, instead draping on a nice fake smile.

“Hey, guys. So, no doubt Mac told you, right?” he said casually, clapping his hands together.

“T-Told us - told us what?” Dee asked, glancing around as she took a particularly long swig of her drink.

“That I’m gay,” Dennis said bluntly. The force of the words - of saying them - hit him like a freight train, but he continued to act nonchalant, taking careful note of how the rest of the gang reacted.

“He… might have said such a thing, yes,” Charlie supplied. He looked uncomfortable, though really, so did everyone else in the room.

“Cool. Yeah. Well, I just thought you'd all like to hear it from me, as well, so… Yeah. Yeah, he was being honest. I'm gay. Always have been, I just… liked not to think about it,” Dennis announced, still not dropping the easy smile on his face.

Mac pulled at his arm, whispering, “What are you doing, man?” Dennis ignored him, launching into the second phase of his plan.

“And it's really great Mac told you, too. Of all people. Since, y’know, Charlie… You were right. It is kinda weird, it is pretty, ah, homoerotic - for two gay dudes to live together, spend together, eat together…” He trailed off, slowly slipping his hand into Mac’s.

“So, anyway, just wanted to keep you all updated, and tell you that Mac and I are - t-together. Yeah. So, with that out of the way, we are just gonna head back to our place, and… probably bang. Have fun back here, guys!” Dennis grinned and waved with his free hand, delighting in the surprised-slash-horrified looks on the rest of the gang’s faces. He turned around to face Mac, whose jaw was agape, cheeks beet red.

“We… we're a thing?” Mac whispered, gripping Dennis’ hand tighter.

“Yeah, man, we basically have been for years at this point if you really think about it. Now c’mon, let’s go. I'm still thinking on if that last bit was a joke or not.” He dragged Mac out of the bar easily, the man practically turning to mush beside him.

The two got in the car, Dennis driving this time, and that popped the balloon. Dennis let out a wheeze, collapsing over the steering wheel, his breaths coming out in short gasps. Mac wrapped an arm around him near immediately, worried. “Are - are you okay, dude? Dennis?”

Dennis took another moment to catch his breath, then nodded and sat up. “Y-Yeah, yeah, I just - I - th-that was all a show, man, I mean - I felt like I was gonna - gonna collapse any second, I just… I'm glad that's out of the way.”

Mac’s arm retreated slightly. “...A show? What… what do you mean, it was…?”

Confused at first, Dennis replied, “The confidence, dude. The whole… self-assured shit. What do you mean-” Then he looked at Mac’s face, the disappointment clear on his features, and he realized. “No, Mac, I - I meant everything I said in there. Okay? I just played it all up so it wouldn't be so obvious I was close to snapping again.”

A bit of color returned to Mac’s cheeks and he let himself appear hopeful, grip around Dennis’ shoulders tightening again. “Oh. Oh, so - so you really do wanna be a thing?”

“Mac, goddamnit, I have wanted that for years,” Dennis sighed, only cringing a little at how cheesy that sounded. 

Mac beamed, and in one swift movement his other hand held Dennis’ cheek and he closed the gap between them, his lips meeting Dennis’ softly, cautiously.

Dennis’ heart took a plunge, a leap, rattled against his chest and screamed. His cheeks grew red hot as his brain finally caught up and registered what had just happened, quickly reciprocating the kiss before Mac had the chance to pull away.

Dennis had kissed plenty of women before, a couple dudes when he was at least a little tipsy, but none of those kisses could even hold a candle to what it felt like to kiss Mac. He was gentle and rough all at once, and the way Dennis’ face fit so perfectly in Mac’s hand made him believe briefly in soulmates - because why else would this feel like such a meant-to-be moment?

The kiss grew rough and hot fairly quickly, and Dennis was close to pulling off his shirt before regaining his bearings and realizing where they were. He pulled away, taking a moment to breathe, his eyes stuck on Mac’s.

“Let's get home, first,” Dennis suggested, and Mac nodded, a smile persistently residing on his red face.

Dennis started the car and began the drive home, his free hand interlocking with Mac’s. Neither of them talked as they made their way back, but that was okay. Instead, Mac traced circles on Dennis’ hand with his thumb, and they simply breathed together, existed together.

As they walked up to the apartment, Dennis figured that nothing would really change between them. They already acted like a couple anyways, and a little romance would hardly change their dynamic.

Well, Dennis revised as they made their way to his bedroom, some things would change. Some very nice things.