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"I do not like this," Damian hissed under his breath.
"I know, I know," said Dick Grayson soothingly. "I just really needed a--well, someone who looks like a child," he amended, "To get close enough to some of these department store Santas to see if you can ID him as a member of that child kidnapping ring."
"I do not like sitting on lying strangers' laps and pretending I want some ridiculous toy!" A couple of kids in line blinked at Damian, and Dick gave him a warning glance. Damian lowered his voice, looking mutinous. "I have endured the attention of no less than ten of these fat frauds. I have limits, you know!"
"Oh really?" Dick said tartly, "You always seem to claim you don't. Besides, is there really nothing you want for Christmas? Where's your holiday spirit?"
"If I wanted something, I would hardly tell some bozo in a red suit."
The toddler currently on Santa's lap was sobbing hysterically and was ushered off by an embarrassed parent, leaving Damian next in line. Dick patted him on the back with a hearty, "You go tell Santa what you want, kiddo."
Damian perched gingerly on Santa's leg. "And what would you like this year, you adorable little tyke?" chortled St. Nicholas, pinching his cheek.
Damian batted his hand away and glared narrowly at the smiling man. Then he broke abruptly into a huge smile. "Oh Santa," he cooed. "There's one thing I really want for Christmas!"
The merry twinkle in Santa's eye muted a bit. "And...what would that be, my lad?"
"I've been wishing for it all year and I'm hoping so much you can make it come true, dear Santa!"
A close observer would notice that Santa was looking distinctly uncomfortable. "Do tell," he muttered.
"What I'd really like for Christmas is...the chance to kick your ass, Todd!"
With a triumphant cry, Damian yanked Santa's beard off to reveal Jason Todd's grinning and unrepentant face. "Oops, gotta run," Jason yelled to the startled kids in line, jumping to his feet and dumping Damian off ignominiously. "Santa's got lots of presents to deliver!"
What followed was a high-speed, crockery-smashing, bystander-terrifying chase through Macy's department store, with a howling Damian pursuing a cackling red-suit-clad Jason, followed by Dick yelling at both of them to stop it already! Somewhere along the way Dick and Damian managed to discard their civilian clothes so Nightwing and Robin could continue the chase, always just a few steps behind the taunting St. Nick.
After a great deal of mayhem, Robin burst out onto the roof--and nearly tripped over three men neatly trussed up in the gently falling snow. "Ho ho ho!" chortled Jason, leaping from the roof. His figure rose into the snowflakes from a red and white glider, and he was gone. "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!" drifted back his voice.
"The kidnappers, I presume," Damian said as they looked at the three shivering men. They were stripped to their underwear and tied up in something that looked like tinsel, with little red bows gleefully stuck in inappropriate places. "Your family has odd tastes in holiday gift-giving."
"He didn't even kill them," Dick said, gazing off into the falling snow. "It's a Christmas miracle indeed."