Work Text:
Thank You
It was early in the evening and Steve wanted to have a date night. You haven’t had one of those since before The Snap. You didn’t blame him though, Steve had been through a lot. Most of his time was spent in group therapy where he fought to overcome depression. Most of us were struggling with the loss of those recently but for Steve, he’d lost everyone. You often wondered how alone he must have felt in a world where everyone you knew was gone. Where the only family you had the grandchildren of those you knew from another time. It was something you worked so hard to understand, to sympathize with. It seemed no matter what happened Captain America was always fighting.
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Steve had dressed the room with rose petals, drawn a bubble bath, and cooked a beautiful dinner. The room smelled of sweet grass and rosemary incense. Candles were lit all around the shared apartment and soft music played from another room. You sat at the table twirling your glass of Moscato feeling nothing but happiness. Your eyes smiled as you listened to Steve tell a story about his mischievous adventures with Bucky during their childhood.
“-and right there in front of everyone Buck kissed her!” The excitement in his voice brought joy to your heart. He always lit up when it came to talking about the past. His blonde hair was swept over in a side part, it had grown longer always neat and pristine. He hadn’t shaved in a while, it looked good on him. Blonde just made blue eyes pop like that. He had been lifting weights more than normal. You assumed it was how he kept the negative thoughts at bay when you weren’t there to soothe away the pain. He’d also spent more time outside, sun spots peppered his noise like soft kisses.
You hadn’t seen him this genuinely happy or relaxed in a very long time. Now that you thought about it, Steve was never this happy around you. Your face dropped for a moment and Steve must have caught the expression because he reached out for your hand. The pads of his calloused fingers brushing yours. You smiled down as your hands interlocked. “What’s wrong, sugar?” He asked, his words caressed your ears like velvet.
You smiled softly and leaned in to kiss his lips, trying to ignore the knot in your stomach. Its presence nagging that something wasn’t right. That Steve wasn’t being honest. How could he not have been? He hadn’t done or said anything to even be considered dishonest. Sure this date seemed softer and more thought out than normal, but shouldn’t be alarming. It was incredibly sweet. Maybe you shouldn’t be thinking so hard. Your man was here, and he was showing his love. Appreciate it, you told yourself. Realizing that Steve had been waiting for an answer you quickly let the thoughts leave you.
“All of this is just…” you wanted to say unlike him, but the words never left your lips. Everything’s fine. “...very romantic. It’s nice, baby. Thank you.” Your eyes meet his, and it’s his turn to smile softly. Steve pulls you into him, having you sit in his lap. You’re so close you can count his eyelashes. Steve’s blue eyes were blown almost completely black. His hand massaged your thighs and his lips found yours. This kiss left your mind in a swirl of sparkles and pink smoke. Your heart raced as he pulled away with a mischievous grin, knowing damn well what he was doing.
“You deserve to be loved.” He stated. The tone of his voice sweet yet somehow still distant. Honest.
“Here you are asking if I’m alright, but I’m more worried about you.” You begin to shift away, but Steve stops you, “Steve, tomorrow’s a big day for you. I’m scared.”
Steve chuckles, “Scared? Sugar, it’s not the first time I’ve gone back. Everything will be fine.” He gently pushes you away and stands up, “Now, the water should still be hot. Go on up. By the time I get done down here the water should be warm enough for me to join. I don’t want to boil alive today.” It’s your time to laugh. You’d think things like temperature wouldn’t bother a Super Soldier.
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Once in the large bathtub you sigh, these thoughts were becoming intrusive. “Stop making something out of nothing. He will be-“
“Incredibly handsome?” Steve asked in a playful tone, startling you. “Baby!!” You yelped and splashed him. Steve pulled off his shirt and folded setting it on the toilet, laughing at your reaction the entire time. Soon his pants and underwear followed. You gave a whistle, and he chuckled before sinking into the warm water behind you, kissing your shoulder along the way. His arms wrapped around your body, drawing you further into his chest. He rested his face in your hair, inhaling softly before kissing it. Soft silence passed before you leaned up to add a bit more hot water into the tub. Steve’s warm hands stroked up your thighs down your shoulders, and back. It sent a pleasant shiver down your spine.
“I love you.” He said in a husky voice, “You know that right?” You sat up and eased back into his chest letting his chin rest in your hair.
“I know.” You smiled, “I love you too.” It came out in a whisper but he heard you. “I don’t think you realize how much I love you, Steve.” It was true. You never loved anyone this way before. There wasn’t another being on this planet that you’d want to share your time with. He was all you needed.
“I do.” He sighed, so quietly you only noticed it because of the rise of his chest. “Thank you for being here with me. For putting up with me and healing my soul. I couldn’t have survived those dark days without your love.” There was something about his tone, something sad. You turned facing him, thighs over his, breast to his chest. Eyes never leaving his. Sharing the air between you and oh so intimate.
“Without you, I would have been so lost. Shoot I was lost, sugar. Everything was so clouded. All I could think about was working. What other purpose did I have but to save others?” He wasn’t looking at you but lost somewhere within the fog of his mind. “When I found out Peg was still alive. I thought I had a chance of my old life but realizing I didn’t just…” he trailed off. You placed your hand on his stomach, he needed to say this. Both of his large hands settled on your hips, warmer than the water could have ever been. Your silence urged him to continue. “Then there you were, my light, leading me through the darkness. You’ve even saved Buck. For that, I’m eternally grateful.” He paused to look me over slowly. As if he was just realizing there was a gorgeous naked woman in his lap.
“Today, I wanted to show you how grateful I am. I’ve seen your body so many times, but I never had you. I’m ready if you are.” The shock that spread across your face was so loud. You searched his eyes to make sure he was ready. It wasn't a secret that Steve was still a virgin. Yes, it had been a four-year relationship without sex but you’d wait. The two of you were intimate in many other ways, and that was all you really needed.
“A-are you sure? Steve this is a big thing, babes.” Instead of answering with words, his large warm hands cupped your face smoothing a thumb over your lips. He leaned in and kissed you with heat and passion. Your eyes drifted closed as you allowed him to taste the wine from your lips. Butterflies danced within and sent fire straight to your core. How long had it been? The thought was gone as soon as it came. As he trailed down your neck, finding a spot that made you gasped in pleasure. That very sound had unleashed the beast that he tried to restrain for so many years. Once the chains had broken, there was no going back. Your body was his to worship and ravish.
Steve’s warm opened mouth caresses worked their way further down your body. His hands cupped your breasts pinching and tugging the soft buds. He kissed both of them, and growled at the moan that escaped your lips. His hands were active, grabbing your bottom to put you further into his lap. They squeezed your inner thighs, and he made haste to play with your clit. Your arms wrapped around his neck as you sighed and moaned in pure pleasure. Steve’s lips caress that spot on your neck pushing you further to the edge. His body is rigid and hard against you. He whispered sweet nothings in your ear as your body coiled then spasmed into release.
Before you could even finish, Steve stood up and wrapped your legs around his hips. He set you on the bed. Neither of you cared to dry off, leaving the wet covers to cling to your back. Steve kissed and nipped at you. Loving the way your skin tasted.
“Are you ready, sugar?” He breathed. You nod in agreement. Your brain is too muddled in pleasure and desire to properly answer. It had been a long time since anyone had touched you this way. Steve made love to you for the first time that night. It was soft at times, as if he were savoring the moment. His caresses seemed to memorize every curve and dip, every sigh and expression you made, held every ounce of his attention. He wanted to remember this night for the entirety of his life. Steve made love to you like a man starving for affection. His first time felt like it was also yours.
Steve held you close all night. Smelling your skin and kissing every part he could. Your bodies were intertwined between bare skin and silken sheets. Your cheek rested on his chest as you fell asleep listening to the strong steady hum of his heart.
Steve watched the soft rise and fall as you snored beneath him. You wouldn’t know yet but this would be the last time he ever held you this way. He memorized how beautifully you wore dawn on your skin. How delicate you were. How lucky he was to have had you in his life. To have had you as his first. To have loved you this way.
You’d hate him. He only hoped you could understand that he didn’t belong here. Did he love you? Yes. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that he loved you but was he in love with you? Could he ever truly give you every part of him? No. His heart belonged to someone else. No matter how hard he tried to forget Peggy, to forget what was stolen from him. He couldn’t bring himself to fully love you. The way you deserved.
So last night was his goodbye. It was his way of leaving the future behind. His closure. He was going to go home, and you were going to live your life. You were going to fall in love with someone who could love you back fully. Who could take care of you? Who would not simply love you but be in love with you?
Steve gave a sad chuckle, he just knew Bucky would fit in perfectly. He’d seen the way Buck’s eyes followed you. Heard how softly he said your name. That’s how Steve knew he couldn’t stay. Steve wasn’t angry at Bucky at all.
When Bucky came back from The Snap, Steve watched how the two of you interacted. Of course, you were faithful, but he loved the way Bucky looked with you. How your voice relaxed his pal, the way no other woman’s had. The old Bucky would have found a sweetheart by now, but he hadn’t. At first Steve chalked it up to Bucky recovering over Hydra, like Steve, they’d taken everything from him too. However, Bucky bounced back, accepting everything that happened to him over the years. Taking it much better than Steve ever could and that was when he noticed the way Bucky’s eyes always found you. Whether it was while you were reading paper work in the tower, or making coffee for the team in the mornings. Bucky always watched over you. For the first time in either of their lives, Steve had a woman that Bucky didn’t take away from him.
Back in their youth, Bucky had stolen plenty of Steve’s flings. It was just friendly rivalry back then. They never thought much of it. The respect Bucky held for you was different. You weren’t just a coworker or Steve’s girl. You were Bucky’s savior. Steve could see how much Bucky respected you. How much Bucky had fallen in love with you. You wouldn’t see it for a while but one day you would. If only he would be there to watch you fall in love with Bucky. His pal deserved a good woman, and you deserved a good man. Steve wouldn’t leave you with anyone else.
You stirred in your sleep. He shushed you then slipped out of bed. Wrapping a robe around his body and couldn’t help but notice how it smelled of you. When was the last time he actually used it?
He went into his office and pulled out a crisp blue envelope. It hadn’t been sealed. He then pulled out his wallet and slipped in a picture of the two of you. He was sitting down with a sour yet genuine smile on his face. Dressed in a tuxedo he’d only worn at Stark’s Galas. There you were hanging over him with a goofy grin. Laughter on your lips and half spilled drink in your hands. You had a beautiful red gown that hugged your hips nicely. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. No one could. Steve sealed the envelope and tucked it into the pocket of the suit he’d be wearing back home.
He went back into the room and lingered in the door for just a bit. Watching you sleep for one last time. The two of you had whitewashed the black brick walls. You had decorated the room with golds, blacks, and navy blues. Your beloved pathos draped around the room. Steve eyed the pictures you’d taken of blurred carousels and rainy cityscapes. Of pictures of him, even then his smile was so empty. He cursed himself. He should have let you go years ago. When he noticed Bucky was falling for you. He had done the two most important people in his life a disservice. This room should have belonged to you and someone else. Bucky should have making love to you after his long absence. Not Steve saying goodbye.
Most people would say Captain America was the least selfish man in the world, always putting the greater good above him. Even he had tricked himself.
“Baby?” You called out in a tired voice. Steve padded over to you, kissing your lips with more emotion than he meant to give away.
“It’s time to get up, sugar. I’ve got to get the stones back.” You sighed but sat up to get ready for the day. Steve made breakfast while you showered. He set the table up and talked about trivial things. Anything to pass the time and push away the heartbreak he knew he’d cause.
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That knot was in your stomach again. He lingered closer to you for much longer than normal. All of his touches were tender. Meaningful. It scared you.
Both of you walked to the time machine hand in hand. Steve held you close, but his body was mostly tense. He was nervous too. Bucky stood on the other side of you and smiled when he noticed the wary expression on your face. Steve noted the action, internally urging himself to follow through with his plans.
Bruce stood by the time machine with Falcon nearby. Only Bucky had known this was the last time he would see his friend. Steve confided in him after Stark’s funeral. At first Bucky was livid. “You can’t just leave her like that, Steve!” Bucky’s voice was acid. Steve had never heard him use that tone. Steve sat on Bucky’s couch running his hands through his hair in frustration. They just didn’t understand, this world wasn’t meant for him. He just wanted to go home, wanted to have that dance with Peggy.
“Look Bucky I-I,” He sighed heavily, “I won’t get another chance to go home.”
“Home? This is your home. S-she’s made this home. That woman loves you more than most of us get a chance to experience.” Bucky didn’t want Steve to ruin what he had going. Here in this time, Steve had found someone that not only loved him but who had a good heart. An amazing partner. Someone you marry, but Steve already had that waiting for him in the past.
“I thought she was home. Over the years I realized she was as close to Peggy as I was going to get but now-now I can have her. Start my life where I left it.” Steve looked up at his friend, eyes full of sorrow. “It’s not fair for her to love someone who can never give her all of them. She’s given me so much, Buck. I can’t do this to her anymore. I can’t pretend I’m here in the present when my soul’s in the past.” Bucky sighed, hearing the pain in Steve’s voice. Staying here was killing him. Though Steve was healthy in body, his soul wept.
“Are you going to tell her?” Bucky asked after a long heavy silence.
“No. Not verbally, she’ll just change my mind with those honeyed words of hers.” Steve then chuckled to himself. “That woman could talk a shark out of its meal.”
“She could.” Bucky said more to himself with a fond half smile on his face.
“You’re in love with her.” Steve stated. Bucky jolted almost hitting his head on the shelf he was leaning against.
“I never made a move on ‘er, pal. I’ve always kept those feelings to myself.” And he was right. He had never given any conscious indication of his interest in you. Only someone that was very observant or knew the soldier could see it. Someone like Steve.
“Hey, hey. No need to defend yourself. I understand. She’s been there for you too. I’m sorry. I should have let her go when I noticed. This would’ve been easier for all of us.” Bucky bristled a little at this comment.
“She ain’t a toy, Steve. Stop talking about her like we’re passin’ her around!” The Brooklyn accent ever present. Steve gave a hardy laugh, yeah Bucky was in love.
“Calm down. I don’t mean it like that. I respect her and I know you’d kill me if I didn’t. Kind of surprised you haven’t already. You love hard.” With those words the tension once again eased in the room. “I-Take care of her, Buck. Love her, marry her, have a family. She’s got big dreams, I know only you can help her fulfill. Do that for me.” Buck nodded once in reassurance. “If she'll have me.” There was nothing else to be said. Steve was going to do this and the last thing Bucky could do for his best friend, was support him. Steve stood and shared a thoughtful hug. The last hug he’d ever give the man that had been a brother to him. A brother that had helped him grow into the man he was today. Steve was ever so grateful.
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“Ready, Cap?” Bruce Banner asked with a smile on his green face. “For you, it will seem like an hour but for us it’ll only be about ten seconds. Two minutes at the most.”
“Just a minute.” Steve turned to you and kissed you. The kiss spoke octaves. He held you close, arms around your back. Stealing away your breath and pouring in sadness. Your heart raced as he pulled away. Goodbye. His eyes met yours they reassured you that everything would be fine. He would be safe. He would come home. Right? Steve briefly turned to Bucky and exchanged a nod. Before walking away and handing his shield to Falcon. He would make an amazing new Captain America. Steve wouldn’t entrust the title to anyone else.
“Hold on to this for me will ya?” He told Falcon before walking to the machine and standing in the center of its rings. Relief washed over him. You would be safe and loved. Bucky would finally get the life he deserved. The world would be safer and Steve, he was going home.
As the machine warmed up he watched, Bucky put an arm around your shoulder and pull you in. Further, reassuring Steve that he’d take care of you. Your big eyes watched Steve not missing a beat, and it broke his heart. He smiled at you, tears falling from his eyes as the familiar warmth of the machine washed over him. Just like that he was gone.
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It was only supposed to take ten seconds. Ten seconds and he’d be back in your arms. Panic surged through your veins like ice-cold water. Be patient. You reminded yourself. Banner said it could take up to two minutes for him to return.
Two minutes passed. Everyone began to panic except for Bucky. He was watching you, closely but in the frenzy you hadn’t noticed. “Bruce! Bruce, you said two minutes!! Bruce!” You screamed. Your body flew into action and you lunged forward. Bucky caught you before the onslaught continued. Bruce was typing frantically at the computer trying his damnedest to bring Steve back.
“Doll, it’s going to be alight. Steve’s fine.” You finally noticed how calm Bucky was. Instantly you yanked out of his hold and whipped around. The answer was written all over his. Steve wasn’t coming back.
“Bucky w-where’s Steve!? W-why isn’t he back!?” Bucky couldn’t meet your gaze. Realization hit you, the bad feeling, the romantic evening, the thank-yous, and the love making. He was saying goodbye. Tears swell in your eyes, Steve left you. He’d left you all alone. After all of this time and you couldn’t love him hard enough to stay.
“That bastard.” You cry through clenched teeth and clutched fist. Anger, despair, sorrow, heartbreak. All of these emotions coursed through your soul. The sob that left your lips broke the hearts of everyone around you.
“I said the same thing when he told me what happened.” The frail voice of a woman called out. An elderly woman stood up from a nearby bench. She looked very familiar.
The old woman slowly made her way over to you. She held her hand out and for a shake. You took it with a confused expression but when you went to pull away she placed her other hand on top of yours. Holding you in place and never breaking eye contact. Strong grip for such an old woman.
“I’m sorry my husband couldn’t make it. He passed away last year.” She didn’t seem sorrowful, they had lived a good life. Somehow you know exactly who her husband was.
“Just know Steve wanted to be here. To explain with an older wiser mind.” You knew exactly who she was, you’d attended her funeral years ago, it was Peggy. Your body slumped. He stayed to be with her. Tears began to roll down your eyes once again at the finality Peggy brought. She soothed circles into your skin. It felt familiar.
“Steve did love you.” Your head shot up to meet her tender gaze. “Choosing to leave you was the hardest decision he ever made.” You almost scoffed. “I know. Trust me I gave him hell. Just leaving you like that without an explanation or closure. He was very sorry, dear.” The words weren’t enough to heal your pain, but it was nice to know that you had meant something to him.
“Steve took a picture of you with him. So I know his love was real. I’d catch him staring at it from time to time.” She gave a smile, “I’m pretty sure he took that photo with him everywhere he went. I had half of a mind to bury it with him, but he wanted to return it.” She let go of your hands to dig around in a little black purse. She handed you a very faded blue envelope. It looked like the ones you kept in the desk at home. Your name was written by his hand on the front. “Thank you for healing, Steve. You helped him more than you could have ever imagined. If not for you the man that would have retuned may not have been the same. Know that he was loved and happy. We are forever grateful.” Peggy turned away leaving you to stare at the envelope with trembling hands.
“You take care of her for him.” Bucky nodded and assisted Peggy back to where she came from. The two having a quiet discussion along the way.
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You didn’t open the envelope for weeks. Couldn’t bring yourself to acknowledge Steve’s existence. You felt used, abandoned, and very much alone. Bucky came by every day. Passing every mission the team asked him to join and dedicated all of his time to healing your heart. You were grateful.
The first thing you did was redecorate the apartment, any and everything that reminded you of Steve was put into storage. You couldn’t bring yourself to sell it or throw it away. Steve overall would always be an important figure in your life.
After the first month you noticed things about Bucky you hadn’t before. Very subtle touches, the way he said your name was different from others. How you always found his eyes on you. How protective and observant he was when it came to you. It was like he had already known all the little things, what type of tea you liked, or the flowers you adored.
Two months had passed, and you finally had the courage to open the envelope. It smelled faintly of Steve’s cologne and old musk probably due to its age. It was a little worn like it had spent some time in his pocket.
You opened the envelope and pulled out a very worn colored picture of the two of you. It was taken at Tony’s Gala, right after the two of you began seeing each other. You turned the picture in your hand and noticed faint cursive writing on the back. No matter where I went you were always with me. Thank you. You smiled at the words, understanding. You noticed a black and white photo in the envelope and picked it up. It was a picture of him. He looked so happy, you could see the wedding ring on his finger and the smile on his face brought joy to your heart. You smiled back at it. Looking further into the envelope you found a faded piece of paper. It was Steve’s will. He and Peggy were to leave everything they owned to you. The only stipulation was that you spent at least one Sunday with her every month until her passing. As one last favor, Steve was asking you to make sure Peggy did not leave this world alone. It was an honor.
And so you did. Peggy became a dear friend and her passing was very hard on you. It turned out Peggy and Steve had a beautiful life together and hearing of their adventures and sharing some of yours brought closure. You no longer saw Steve as an ex but a very dear friend.
Over time, you fell in love with Bucky. He gave you more happiness and love than any person ever had. The two of you lived the life Steve always knew you would.