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Another day, another confession Tobio had to turn down. He’d seen first-hand what his own awkwardness and hyperfocus on volleyball could do to his relationships, platonic and not.
His last (and only) girlfriend lasted all of two months before she broke down in tears about how Tobio didn’t love her enough (whatever that meant) and “only cared about volleyball”. And now, standing in front of him in tears was a brunette girl he’d never spoken to before, crying because Tobio said he wouldn’t go out with her. He’s never understood feeling that strongly for a person; somehow knowing that you want to be with that person even without getting to know them….
Tobio muttered a “sorry” before turning on his heels and walking away, leaving the girl (whose name he neither knew nor cared about) crying in the middle of the hallway. Because, how the hell was he supposed to act when someone felt that strongly? He didn’t have time for relationships, and volleyball was not something he was willing to give up for some girl he didn’t even know.
On top of that, he was tired of girls confessing their undying love to him every day. It had become almost a routine; arrive at school, go to practice, reject someone, then head to class. He drummed his fingers against the vending machine he hadn’t even realized he’d walked to.
What could he do? Maybe if he just agreed to one of them… yes, if he just started dating one of them, he wouldn’t have to worry about confessions! It was easier said than done, though, especially for “emotionally constipated” Tobio. He’d end up hurting some girl and feeling like shit about himself for it.
A plan formulated in his head the same way his plays do during a match. Tobio would just become good at dating.
---
At lunch, Tobio was met with another confession, this time by a blonde in a different class altogether. Sometimes he wondered if they were doing it on purpose just to get rejected.
He told her he couldn’t, he was too busy for a relationship. Thankfully, she didn’t cry, but Tobio could feel her friends’ eyes on him the rest of the day, glaring holes into the back of his head.
It would have to be soon, he decided as he made his way to the club room. Luckily for Tobio, he stumbled into the club room to find it empty except for the one person he was looking for.
“Hey, Kageyama!” Yamaguchi called, smiling brightly at him.
“Hi.” Tobio returned, knowing better than to fake a smile back. Apparently, it was scary to other people.
He just stood there for a minute, not saying anything, which would’ve been normal if he wasn’t also staring at Yamaguchi.
“Um… Is something wrong?” He asked carefully, shifting uncomfortably where he sat.
“Sorry,” Tobio mumbled and tore his eyes away from Yamaguchi’s. “Could I ask you a favor? It’s okay… if you say no.”
“Sure, what’s up?”
“Can you teach me how to date?”
Turning his head back to look at him, Tobio found Yamaguchi searching his face for any sign that he was joking, or playing a prank on him to get a reaction. His eyes narrowed when Tobio’s face was serious and unchanging.
“What?” Yamaguchi finally asked.
“Teach me… to date.”
“Um… why?”
“Because,” Tobio sounded exasperated. “Girls keep confessing to me, and I’m sick of it, but I don’t want to do something wrong like I always do. I guess I thought if I could get good enough at emotional stuff I could… just date one of them and get the rest off my back.”
Yamaguchi timidly giggled, surprise written all over his face. Tobio was not one to open up, let alone ask for help like this. Tobio’s face colored slightly as he huffed and looked away.
“...please,” Tobio added quietly.
“Why me, though?” Yamaguchi asked.
“Well,” he started, but stopped because he didn’t actually know why. It was obvious that he asked Hinata, his best friend, or even Sugawara or one of the others on the team. “Well… Hinata is probably worse than me, in different ways… and Tsukishima doesn’t exactly get along with me… and I’d feel weird asking any of the Senpais, so….” Tobio murmured, then added, “everyone likes you.”
Yamaguchi seemed to get flustered. The tips of his ears went red and his eyes widened. Compliments weren’t exactly Tobio’s thing, so it usually surprised people to find out he could be nice sometimes. “Right, um… I guess I can try. How?”
“Can you come over this weekend?” Tobio asked.
“Yeah, sounds good…”
Right then, Hinata burst into the club room, and they started their daily race of getting changed, running to the gym, and putting on their volleyball shoes.
---
The weekend came quick, and for some bizarre reason, Tadashi found himself laughing as he got ready to go to Kageyama’s place.
“This is so stupid, Tsukki, why am I doing this?” He chuckled, pulling through his assortment of clothes in his closet.
“I was going to ask you the same thing,” Tsukishima stated blandly.
Tadashi tucked the phone into his shoulder and sighed. More importantly… why was he so nervous?
“He complimented me, Tsukki! Kageyama actually complimented me.” He wined. “ He said, ‘people like you, Yamaguchi’ and it was like I didn’t have a choice!”
“You sound just like him. And anyway, I’m sure His Highness desperately needs dating advice. I can’t imagine a reality where he’d actually be good at it.” Tsukishima chuckled softly.
“I know, right? The only reason he asked is so he can get girls off his back, but at least he recognized that he sucks at it… anyways, I should go now. I’ll call you after, okay?”
“Sure, ‘bye,” he said, and hung up.
Ten minutes later, he was at Kageyama’s front door, tapping his foot as he waited nervously. He was met with a tired-looking Kageyama, clad in a pair of sweatpants and a blue hoodie.
“Hey,” He said, opening the door wider to let him in.
Tadashi nervously looked around the house, it was around the same size as his own but decorated nicely, with pictures of Kageyama and his family hanging around the walls. Kageyama darted up the stairs but stopped halfway to motion for Tadashi to follow him.
Kageyama sat on his bed, and Tadashi did the same, sitting further down near the foot of the bed. There was a beat of silence, and Tadashi opened his mouth, but Kageyama beat him to it.
“Have you ever dated someone?” He blurted out suddenly and bluntly.
“Yeah, back in middle school. We drifted apart though when we graduated and went to different high schools.” Tadashi remembered back to his first-ever girlfriend and how awkward it was at first. He shivered.
“Oh.”
“It was cool, I guess…” He assured, then silence took over again. “Um… what do you want to start with?”
Kageyama pulled out a notebook. Like, to take notes in. Tadashi almost had to pinch himself to decide if this was real life.
“How do dates work?” Kageyama said seriously.
“You… you’ve been on dates before, right?” Tadashi asked.
“Well, yeah, during middle school, but they never seemed to please her…” He trailed off. Tadashi remembered the girlfriend of the King, even though they went to different middle schools, he saw her at Kageyama’s games and heard rumors about her. She was pretty, but it was obvious Kageyama couldn’t give her the attention she always seemed to demand.
“Okay,” Tadashi took a deep breath. “Well, if you get asked out by someone, you can plan a date… maybe to a coffee shop, or lunch. You can bring her flowers, and pay for her food. Try to dress up a little, too.”
Tadashi watched as Kageyama scribbled down what he was saying. “Um… while you’re on the date,” he continued, “you want to make her feel like she is wanted. Talk about her, ask what kinds of things she’s interested in and stuff.”
“Okay so,” Kageyama paused his writing. “If you and I were on a date, you’d want me to ask about you to make it seem like I like you. Right?”
Tadashi cleared his throat and tried to will away the blush creeping up his neck. “Mmhmm. Make them feel like you want to get to know them.”
“So like… What’s your favorite color?”
Tadashi couldn’t hold back the laughter bubbling in his chest. “No!” He squealed, “deeper questions, like ‘what do you want to be in the future’ or ‘what sports do you play’ or even ‘how was your day’.”
Kageyama scowled and looked away. “Why is this so hard?” He groaned.
“Don’t worry about it too much. It should feel normal and not so much like an interview. Try to just go with the flow of the conversation. It’ll come easily with the right person.”
Kageyama let out another groan and flopped backward on his bed. “I don’t even have any dating clothes.”
“Do you mind if I…” Tadashi gestured to Kageyama’s closet, and he shook his head.
Tadashi flipped through the few clothes Kageyama actually owned- mostly consisting of sweatshirts from volleyball- until he found a light blue collared shirt and a darker colored crew neck sweatshirt. He tossed it on the bed next to Kageyama along with a pair of black cargo pants.
“Try this on,” he said, not expecting Kageyama to pull off his shirt right there.
Tadashi blinked at him. He’d seen Kageyama plenty of times, in the locker room, showering, in the bath, sure, but his shoulders were...
He snapped out of it and looked away.
When Kageyama was dressed, he could fit right into one of those edgy teen magazines Tadashi sees in grocery stores. Tadashi grabbed Kageyama’s wrist, adjusting his sleeves, and then backed up to take in his outfit.
“That actually looks really good, Kageyama,” Tadashi said earnestly.
“Thanks…”
There was an embarrassing silence before Kageyama suddenly (again) blurted, “when do you kiss?” And it took Tadashi everything he had to keep himself from laughing.
“Whenever it feels right.” He smiled, his cheeks definitely red from the pure insanity of the question. “I didn’t kiss my last girlfriend until a month into our relationship, but some people kiss on the first date. But if you want to kiss her, you should ask first. ‘Can I kiss you?’ Like that.”
“What if you… don’t want to kiss?”
“Hm?”
“Like, what if you don’t feel any desire to kiss them… what then?”
“Oh. Well, I guess she might not be right for you. It might take some time for you to be ready, and that’s okay.” Tadashi assured, not really sure what Kageyama was asking.
“Okay…” Kageyama paused. “But I dated that girl for two months and never wanted to kiss her.”
He said it just above a whisper like it was disgusting of him to not want to kiss a girl, and it hit Tadashi like a shot through the heart.
“Whatever you feel, it’s okay.” Tadashi tried to reassure him, somehow get him to understand that his feelings were valid. “It could take some time or the right person, but it could also be that you just don’t want or need to kiss someone to show love. Either way, it’s okay, and your partner should love you despite that.”
“Oh…” Kageyama whispered, and Tadashi thought he might cry.
Before he could say anything else, Kageyama’s stomach rumbled, breaking any tension that existed between them. Tadashi giggled.
“Do you want to go get lunch? Maybe you can practice on me if you want.” Tadashi suggested, and Kageyama nodded.
Halfway to their destination, Kageyama asked to hold Tadashi’s hand.
“I should practice on you the way I’d do if it were a real date, right?” Kageyama insisted to a hesitant Tadashi.
“Yeah, okay, you’re right.” Tadashi gave in, reaching out to slowly intertwine his fingers with Kageyama’s outstretched hand. “You could also do this….” He ran his thumb along the backside of Kageyama’s hand, stroking over his smooth skin. “Girls like that.”
Kageyama stiffened for a moment, then nodded.
The pair arrived at the shop still holding hands, and Tadashi almost mourned the loss when Kageyama let go.
Kageyama insisted on paying on the basis of “practice” again, even though they weren’t actually on a date and Tadashi could easily afford his lunch. He thought it was kind of endearing. They sat down at a small table with their yakisoba and drinks wordlessly. Kageyama was too busy shoveling food into his mouth to say anything.
“Ah… maybe when you’re on your date, try… eating slower,” Tadashi giggled, and Kageyama looked up at him, swallowed, and began eating a little more like a human.
“Now that I think about it,” Kageyama said between bites, “I don’t actually know that much about you.”
“What do you want to know?”
“I dunno, what do you like?”
“Hm… I like romance k-dramas, those fries that get floppy when you wait too long to eat them, listening to music, watching earth documentaries…. The basics, I guess. What do you like?"
“Volleyball,” Kageyama stated blankly. “Also… talking to my sister. We didn’t get along very well when we were kids, but she’s in university now and we talk all the time.”
For some reason, Tadashi felt like he’d been let in on something deeply personal and it made his heartbeat quicker. “I uh… don’t have any siblings, but I always wished I did. It’s like having a built-in best friend.” He subconsciously lowered his voice.
“It’s nice. I think you’d like Miwa.”
A smile stretched across Tadashi’s face, and he felt like his heart might explode. He couldn’t put his finger on why, but it did. It felt so domestic, talking to Kageyama like this. His eyes softened while he talked about his sister, what she did in college and how she was the person who got him into volleyball in the first place.
Tadashi wasn’t used to this Kageyama. A Kageyama who, when he looked into his eyes, made him feel so vulnerable and protected at the same time. A Kageyama who actually talked about himself and his family. It made him a little breathless.
Their conversation went on for hours, sitting at the little table where their knees occasionally bumped together with the smell of fresh food wafting through the air. They talked about Tadashi’s love for baking, and how badly he’d fucked up bread when he’d tried to make it, and how Kageyama knows all the tricks to checkers because it was his favorite game to play with Miwa.
It progressed to more… depressing subjects, like how Tadashi sometimes felt like he wasn’t enough and how Kageyama’s parents refused to watch his games unless he was the starter.
It was much too deep of a conversation just to get up and leave, so Tadashi led him to a park between both of their houses where they sat on a pair of swings, holding hands in mutual silence. Tadashi wasn’t sure when or where or why they’d started holding hands, but it was all he could do to ground himself into the present. Too many thoughts and emotions were threatening to spill over.
“So… are you going to accept the next girl who confesses?” Tadashi asked, not really wanting to hear the answer.
“I don’t know. I guess,” he murmured, shoulders hunched and staring at the playground chips below his feet. “Should I even bother? I’m being selfish, aren’t I?”
Tadashi stayed silent, although completely unwelcome relief spread through his body.
“I mean, even if I want to like them, it’s not fair to them if I just… can’t. But I guess I can give it a chance, maybe…” Kageyama continued.
“Maybe you just have to find the right person,” Tadashi offered, even though the words felt foreign on his lips.
Kageyama nodded. “How did you know when you liked your girlfriend?”
“I got butterflies when I hung out with her, and her texts made me smile. I wanted to know her, like, truly know her…” Tadashi trailed off, feeling a weird twist in his gut. Like how I wanted to get to know you, he thought to himself.
Kageyama hummed. “Have you ever felt that for someone who’s not a girl?”
Tadashi unconsciously squeezed Kageyama’s hand tighter but didn’t answer. His mouth ran dry and he opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Kageyama pulled his hand away.
“Sorry. Um. Nevermind. Thanks again, for today. It was really helpful.” Kageyama shot out of the swing and walked out of the park, his hands shoved in his pockets, leaving Tadashi to process.
On his way home, he called Yachi.
“Yamaguchi-kun? Are you okay?” Tadashi could hear her concern through the phone.
“I think I have feelings for Kageyama.”
---
That Monday, Tobio strode into school with conviction. He would say yes to the first girl who confessed and take her on a date. It didn’t take long to find her; a wide-eyed, conventionally attractive girl named Yukiko.
Tobio didn’t really hear her confession, a stuttered mess of “I like you” and “please go out with me”.
“Sure,” he said and handed her his phone to put her number in. “I’ll text you.”
Tobio expected at least a muted sense of excitement or happiness or something, but he was met with a pit of something like guilt as he walked away. He thought of Yamaguchi, and how he’d felt during their practice date. How he wouldn’t have minded if it had been a real date.
He didn’t bother texting Yukiko yet.
Word got around fast, and before Tobio knew it, everyone in his class was staring at him, bombarding him with questions, or gossiping about it. Yet he all he could seem to think about was whether Yamaguchi had heard yet.
Tobio didn’t know why he cared. This is why they practiced, right? So he could go on a date with a girl and get the other girls off his back. This is what he wanted. Why did it feel so wrong?
He ran into Yamaguchi in the hallway after class.
“I heard you said yes,” Yamaguchi said, a smile plastered on his face. You don’t have to be good with emotions to recognize a fake smile. “That’s great, Kageyama.”
“Yeah, she seems… nice,” Tobio ground out, despite the lingering disappointment and guilt still flooding his body.
“Good,” He spun around, starting back down the hallway. Over his shoulder, he called, “have fun,” and continued on his way.
---
Tobio did not have fun.
He took Yukiko to a park (majorly thanks to a quick internet search of the best dating spots in Miyagi) where they sold pop-up junk food that Tobio doesn’t particularly enjoy. The sun was irritating, melting any cold desserts they bought and turning his once-cold lemonade warm. Ants crawled over their blanket and up their legs. Apparently, the universe hated him. Maybe it was karma. Tobio didn’t know.
He tried to be interested when she rambled on about shopping and going to the beach when he’d asked what things she likes. He really tried.
Instead, Tobio’s mind wandered off into space, thinking back to what other things Yamaguchi had taught him. How interested he’d been. How real it had felt. He thought about how he’d traced his eyes over all of his freckles and watched as his cheeks flamed when Tobio asked an embarrassing question. He thought about how the food tasted better when he was with him, and how he felt lighter when he held his hand.
He realized suddenly that he’d rather be here with Yamaguchi.
“...yama…? Kageyama-kun?” Yukiko was saying as Tobio came back into reality.
“Huh? Oh, sorry… I just…” was totally thinking about how he’d rather be here with someone else, he trailed off, but he apparently was not very good at concealing emotions.
“You don’t seem very interested,” she looked at him with a sad expression. “You have your eyes on someone else, don’t you?”
Tobio flinched. “I uh…” He sunk into himself, defeated. “Yeah. I think I do. I really am sorry, Yukiko.”
“It’s okay. I wasn’t expecting you to say yes to begin with, so I’m not too upset,” she smiled. “You should go to her instead.”
He didn’t bother correcting her. “Thank you. You are beautiful, by the way, so you’ll find someone.” She nodded as Tobio bowed, pulling out his phone and dialing Yamaguchi’s number.
---
Tadashi sat in his room, tossing a volleyball around aimlessly. He didn’t know why he was upset, really, because he’d known he was helping Kageyama with dating advice for this exact purpose. But the past week he’d spent trying to avoid Kageyama anyway, only talking to him when he had to during practices and such. It wasn’t a drastic difference from how they interacted before, but this was intentional, Tadashi was desperately clawing his way out of his feelings, trying not to fall deeper into the hole of unrequited love.
A tear slipped down his cheek, and he wiped it away, cursing himself for getting attached in the first place. He was too easy. He fell in love too easily, and someday it would kill him.
Tadashi groaned when his phone rang; he had planned to spend the day wallowing in his own sadness alone. He rolled over to grab his phone, and a rush of emotions flew through him when Kageyama’s name popped up on the screen.
He answered. “Kageyama? Hey, how was your-”
“Can you meet me at the park… the one you took me to between our houses? It’s really important.” He interrupted, his voice tight and breathless.
“I guess, did something happen?” To Tadashi, it sounded like maybe he killed his date, but he had tried to have a little more faith in Kageyama and decided it was probably something else.
“No- well, yeah, sort of, just meet me at the park, okay?”
“Okay, um… I’ll be there in ten…”
“See you then,” He said and hung up.
Tadashi sat on his bed for a minute, feeling a mix of fear and an annoying glimmer of hope. When he gathered himself enough to move, he called out to his mom to let her know he was leaving and slipped his shoes on.
In five minutes (not ten because he walked a lot faster than he meant to), he was standing at the edge of the park, staring at the dark black hair that belonged to Kageyama Tobio. He moved to the swing next to him, facing the same direction as Kageyama was, and gripped the chain so tightly it almost hurt.
“I hated it,” Kageyama whispered, just loud enough for Tadashi to hear.
“Why? What happened?” He asked slowly.
“She wasn’t you.”
“What?” Tadashi’s heart was racing faster than it ever had before.
“I did everything you said, I tried to get to know her, and I didn’t feel an ounce of what I felt with you. I don’t know… what this is. But I think there’s something special about you, Yamaguchi.”
Tadashi choked on his words.
Then Kageyama stood up directly in front of him, looking down at him with what was probably the scariest expression he’d ever seen on him. It was fear. His eyes were wide, locked on Tadashi’s, jaw tense and lips in a thin line.
Tadashi’s heart skipped a beat. Or two. Or maybe it just stopped, he wasn’t sure.
“Can we go on a real date?” Kageyama asked, still whispering, and the wind threatened to carry away his words.
“Yes,” Tadashi breathed, “I’d like that.”
Kageyama’s tense shoulders relaxed, and his face morphed into a smile. A real smile, one that was rare on Kageyama’s face. Tadashi wanted to see it more often.
“I really want to… know you. And I get butterflies when we hang out, and smile at your texts. So. Yeah.” Kageyama sat back down on the swing, and Tadashi’s heart restarted. A huge grin broke out on his face when he remembers those words as what he’d said when Kageyama asked how he knew he liked someone.
Tadashi reached out his hand, interlocking his fingers with Kageyama’s.
“I like you too, Kageyama.”