Chapter Text
“You're so easy to take advantage of...” His voice is soft and smooth, as if he was whispering sweet nothings instead of something semi-offensive that Kaneki isn't sure where to place. He's sleepy, though, and not in the mood to make a scene, so he just leans his head into the touch of Tsukiyama's fingers, letting them card through his hair as much as they please.
“Are you taking advantage of me?” He's naked except for the blanket he's covered with, he's sweaty and comfortably exhausted. Two months ago, he'd been a virgin. Now... not so much. All due to the person to his side, and he's convinced that even if the answer was yes, he wouldn't mind. It wasn't like he was in love with the older student. Whatever they had, they hadn't put a label on it yet. Tsukiyama had found him right after he'd been neglected by the girl, no, woman, he had a crush on. He'd been a desperate, sad romantic and so easy to mess with. They'd been out for coffee, they played Squash, and a week later Kaneki let Shuu take him home, where he'd been seduced in an old fashioned, red-wine and 80s love songs way. A mixtape Tsukiyama had brought, as if he'd known the night would end up that way. It was the same mixtape that was playing now.
“Cause I'm your lady...” Strong but slender fingers tugged him close, slid down his body and pressed their hips flush together. “...and you are my man...” Tsukiyama hummed along, and Kaneki wished he wouldn't understand the lyrics. He did, though, and the way they made him blush was functioning distraction from the previous topic.
“I hate your mixtape.”
“No, you don't, mon choupinet.”
“What does that even mean?”
“It means that I can see how much you like it from the way you're getting hard again already...”
“N-no, not that, the last part. The french... stuff.”
“That is only for me to know.”
“You're not allowed to call me names in french and don't tell me what they mean.”
He chuckles quietly, and starts to nip at his neck, his own hips starting to move and rub their lower bodies together, fingers still having a hold of Kaneki's hips. “...un chou à la crème is a cream filled puff pastry. There. Now you know.”
“You said you studied social welfare. What's with all of this French?” Ken is surprised he can still speak clearly, but it's probably because he has properly unloaded all of his sexual energy before and isn't that sensitive to touch anymore. It's enjoyable, lying together like that.
“Hmm, as you may know, I'm a Gourmet. And like all Gourmets I have an affinity for European culture... ah, and French, especially, as you also may know.”
With that, Kaneki is literally being frenched and since he's pretty much okay with that, he just lets Shuu press him into the covers and lets his tongue invade his mouth. He is a sharp kisser, with a piercing tongue, and yet he manages to be gentle with him. It's amazing, and it's hot, and Ken forgets himself and closes his eyes as long fingers close around his cock and slowly, but passionately start to jerk him off. Tsukiyama will want no reward, like he's proven many times, and that's what truly helps him relax. He falls asleep to the sound of 'time after time' and the feeling of being cleansed with what feels like a satin cloth.
~ * ~
In the morning, Tsukiyama is gone. Kaneki finds waffles on the counter of his small kitchen, though, powdered in sugar and grazed with two strawberries at the side. He wonders how the smell of cooking didn't wake him up earlier, but supposes he was just pretty knackered from their nightly activities. He blushes, even though no one's watching. Nightly activities. This is what he became, while months ago he wouldn't even have thought of having a male lover. He lifts it up and there's a note hidden under the plate:
Gσσ∂ мσяηιηg, мση вιqυєт. I ѕєє, уσυ'νє ωσкєη υρ. I нα∂ тσ ℓєανє ƒσя му cяιѕιѕ cσυηѕєℓℓιηg cσυяѕє. Aη∂ ѕιηcє тнє נσу σƒ уσυ ωαкιηg υρ ηєχт тσ мє ωαѕ тαкєη ƒяσм мє, I ℓєƒт уσυ α ℓιттℓє ∂σℓcє тσ ƒєαѕт ση. Pℓєαѕє єηנσу ιт. I'ℓℓ cαтcн уσυ ℓαтєя, I ρяσмιѕє. -S
Kaneki stares at the note for a moment. There are two things that irk him about it. First, the imagination of the Tsukiyama Shuu he knew doing crisis counselling in his flashy clothes, long legs crossed and chin propped up on one hand while he talked a married couple out of divorcing each other. It was weird. Second, the love that is put in not only the homemade cooking, but also the writing itself. It is both, written carefully and prettily, and it sounds... very much like a love letter. Like the person that wrote it was in love with him.
He isn't ready for the weight of someone loving him. Even more so, it seems illogical to him that Shuu would be in love with him. He feels like he's nothing compared to him. Someone as colorful as Tsukiyama, he thinks, needs someone at his side that would make a lovely accessory. Like a petite girl that wears expensive dresses and handbags made of crocodile.
Maybe he's just overvaluing things, though, he tells himself and sits down to start eating the waffles. They taste good, not too sweet. A Gourmet. Ken is smiling to himself and blushes when he realizes it. He's not ready for the weight of someone loving him. And he's far from being ready to be in love again. The last time had been bad enough.
He takes the walk to his first and last module of the day and realizes that he's late on the reading he had to do for class. Damn, he's never late with his reading. He considers to try and cram the assigned chapters in before the seminar starts, but gives the thought up the instant that he hears Hide's voice chiding him.
“Ahhhhhh, Kanekiiiiii, did you stay up long for dirty things last night again??”
“I regret ever telling you about Tsukiyama.”
“Don't be ashamed, I'm not ashamed that my best friend is a gay either!!”
“D-don't say that so loudly, people might hear you! And I'm not gay, I'm just... confused...”
“So the stuff you do with that Shuu-guy isn't gay at all, no?”
“That's not what I mean! There's more than being gay or straight to sexuality, Hide...”
“So you're a bisexual?”
“I don't know.”
“Come on, you gotta know. I, for example, know exactly that I only go for cute girls, no offense, I know the last one you went for kinda sorta broke your heart.”
“Don't mention Rize-san, please...”
“Well, it's fine, though, you've got Tsukiyama now. What kinda stuff did you do last night? Did he make you listen to 80s music again?”
“Why do you even want to know all these details...?”
“Because I'm your best friend, and as your best friend I gotta know who's fucking you and how they're fucking you. Did you get to be seme for once?”
“I--- Yeah, I did.”
“How was it?? Was it better than taking it up the ass? What does it feel like? Too tight?”
“Hide!!”
“What??”
“I'm not telling you. I've got to hurry for my course now.”
Kaneki's face has turned beet-red by now and he hides his hands in the pockets of his coat as he walks as if that could protect him from the invasiveness that is Hideyoshi Nagachika.
“Oh, but did you hear, there was a murder in the 20th ward. They found a girl corpse, body parts missing. Some gross crazy must have taken her. So scary to think these things are happening right where we live.” Hide feigned a shudder, but his customary smile was back on his face only seconds later, leaving Kaneki speechless once again.
“I'm not sure I wanted to know that...” he murmurs, and takes a look at his mobile for the time. “Sorry, I really gotta dash now. I'll text you later!”
“Don't forget me!!” Hide shouts, but Ken hurries away as promised, almost running into a chattering group of girls as he crosses campus and heads for the lecture hall. It's cold outside, but he only really notices it when he enters the lecture hall and can slowly feel his limbs unfreeze.
He can't really concentrate on the lecture on Yukio Mishima as much as he'd like to. He sees the professor's mouth move and sits between the other students as supposedly one of them but still doesn't feel like he's part of this event for some reason. His hands fumble for his phone, and for a while it just sits there in his hands while he tries to listen. He eventually gives up and presses the button that lets the screen light up. No message from Hide. No message from Tsukiyama.
He wonders if that was what he was really hoping for and feels betrayed by himself for a second – oh, so he does care. He does want to be loved. He's greedy already. As if to look for a distraction, he opens his browser and jams in a search with his thumb: ｇｉｒｌ ｃｏｒｐｓｅ ２０ｔｈ ｗａｒｄ ｔｏｙｋｏ.
And indeed, the search immediately spills out results. The most prominent one is from an online gossip magazine. It reads 'sick organ collector murders young, beautiful woman'. He gulps and selects the article, looking back at the board in front of him again to at least pretend he was partaking in class. He gets lost in doing so for a moment and finally forgets about the article, finding some inner peace by taking down notes by almost writing down the exact words the professor is saying. It's calming to feel like he's taking something home.
The seminar ends and he's somewhat happy not to have to talk to anyone as he leaves the lecture hall. He thinks about getting some stuff from the grocery to fill up his fridge before he gets home, but his plans for the afternoon are interrupted when he sees Tsukiyama lean against the gateway to campus. Their eyes meet and Kaneki knows he's been waiting for him. He silently walks up to him, unsure of how their greeting will go. He isn't especially keen on something lovey-dovey and hopes that Shuu won't overdo it – and he isn't disappointed when what he gets is a short hug and Shuu's hand on the small of his back.
“Guten Tag, Kaneki-kun~”
He flushes slightly, mostly because he remembers the things they did last night. He feels like the eyes of all of his fellow students are on him out of a sudden, and quickly urges them to leave.
“So that's what you mean by catching me later...” He murmurs, still unsure about what this even was. Was he being picked up by his boyfriend here? Or was it just coincidence?
“I missed you.” Shuu says blatantly, and Ken stares at the ground in front of them, feeling like it'd swallow him at any second. He's happy, somehow, content with the fact that someone went out of their way just to come and see him. “So I decided to pick you up. Are you free for the afternoon?”
He nods stupidly, and they both begin to walk together. It feels nice, walking with someone. Of course he did walk with Hide before, but this is something different, this is a person he slept with. It's somewhat of a special person, even though he's not ready to call him his significant other. Shuu seems to be happy to just walk next to him as well, and so they continue their way in silence, only sharing a glance every now and then.
“Are you hungry?” Tsukiyama finally breaks the silence, his voice a melodic hum. What a strange first thing to ask. Kaneki is still a little sated from the waffles earlier, but there would be room in his stomach for some more, so he doesn't know what to answer and just goes with:
“You're going to make me become chubby with all of that food.”
“Oh, that'd only make you all the more adorable.”
He's torn between just being embarrassed and slapping Shuu, so Ken once more says nothing and just fumbles for his phone to check the clock. “I suppose if you're hungry we can go somewhere...” His voice trails off as he unlocks the screen and is directed back towards the Google result he had clicked on earlier. At the sight he's presented with, his stomach clenches and he comes to a halt.
“Kaneki-kun...?” Asks Tsukiyama, but he just shakes his head, frozen in mid-movement, eyes wide and scared. “What happened, carissimo?” He hears him try again, a soothing hand on his shoulder. The other hand softly winds his phone out of his hand and as he sees the article, Shuu hums in acknowledgment. “Oh.”
“Oh? Is 'oh' all you're going to say to this? I... I can't... Shuu, I... Don't you understand what...” Tsukiyama seems completely indifferent until he notices that Kaneki thinks he should show some more emotion. After that, his brows furrow in thought, lips twitching downwards.
“Kaneki-kun, verzeih mir, but don't you think she might have deserved this fate after messing with your heart?”
At that, Kaneki just stares back at him, absolutely taken aback by his reaction. Once it sinks in, he takes a few steps back, forgetting to retrieve his phone in the process.
“How can you say that?”
“I don't...”
“You know what, just don't say anything anymore!” His voice is still shaken by the news he's gotten, and he begins to feel dizzy as his head slowly processes it's real information, something that really happened. At the same time, he's repelled by the lifeless reaction he'd gotten from his lover. “I'm definitely not hungry. And I don't want to spend my afternoon with you.” He moves to snatch his phone out of Tsukiyama's hand. The picture of Rize is still looking at him. Sick organ collector... his stomach clenches once more.
“I'll see you... somewhen.” He says firmly and can see that Shuu is rising a hand towards his chest before he turns around to leave, his expression having wavered from confused to hurt. He can't get himself to care, though. The first person he's ever been in love with is dead. Murdered. And the one he thought would be there to give him comfort from now on proved to be completely incapable of even processing how that information could affect him. The further he's away from Shuu, the more all of it sinks in and he isn't even sure where he's headed to. His phone buzzes, and he's sure it's Tsukiyama calling him, but he simply presses the reject button.