Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

"You made out in a parking lot?"

Gulf gives Kaprao a look. "Kissed. It was one kiss."

"In a parking lot."

"Yes, in a parking lot." He sighs and dips his finger into the bowl to taste it. "Ugh. Nong, your batter needs sugar. Or salt. Or new batter."

"It's soap."

"Alai wa?" He looks down at the pink goop.

Kaprao laughs and lays out the molds. "We're making soap, remember?" He pours out the mixture. "Or were you too distracted talking about your boyfriend?"

"Not my boyfriend."

"Right. Yet."

"Right." He groans and ruffles his hair. "What am I doing, Nong? I don't know how to do any of this. I made out with him in a parking lot."

Kaprao looks up from his soap. "Hey, you said it was just one kiss."

"...there may have been tongue."

"So, you made out with your boyfriend in a parking lot."

"Basically."

___________________

Gulf checks his phone again. No messages.

"He's in class," Kaprao reminds him.

"I wasn't-"

"Yes, you were. Don't worry," he points to an egg shaped timer on the counter. "It'll go off when he gets out."

"Oh." Gulf looks at the trays scattered around the kitchen. "Weren't you supposed to be timing the soap?"

"Shia…"

___________________

"That's a terrible plan," says Kaprao.

Gulf makes a noise with a mouth full of pork rinds. "Aow. What do you mean? It's brilliant." He holds out one of the rinds. "I'll just munch on these bad boys whenever I'm around him, and I won't be able to kiss him."

"You'll just keep a bag of pork rinds on you at all times?"

"...yes?"

Kaprao shakes his head. "Is it really that hard to avoid kissing P'Mew?" He laughs at Gulf's reaction. "Nevermind. I shouldn't have bothered-" he's cut off by the egg timer going off.

Gulf's phone buzzes immediately. He shows Kaprao the text.

Mew

Out of class. Video games tonight?

"Explain to me again how you two aren't dating?"

Gulf sighs and stares at his phone. "I don't know, exactly. It's not like we made a contract or anything."

"Like Tharn and Type did?"

"Do you think we should?"

"Depends." Kaprao shrugs. "How often do you plan on making out with him in parking lots?"

__________________

"You want to make a contract?" Mew's voice sounds flat over the phone.

Gulf pouts and sinks into his sofa. "Don't you think we should have some ground rules?"

"No."

"No?"

His senior laughs. "If there are rules, you'll just want to break them."

"Aow."

"Yai Nong… Don't lie na."

Gulf tries to subdue the fluttering in his stomach. Why does P'Mew have to sound so flirty when he calls him out?

"Okay, fine." He pulls his legs up to his chest. "No rules. It can't be that hard, right? It's friendship, not physics."

"Ugh, don't say physics."

"Physics."

"See?" Mew's laugh is loud and staticy. "You can't stand being told what to do. How do you expect to follow rules?"

"That's not true," he says. He bites at his lip before speaking again. "I like being told what to do… sometimes."

A loud thud comes through the speaker, followed by Mew cursing.

"Phi, you okay?"

He clears his throat. "Yeah. Fine. Just… dropped the phone."

Gulf smiles to himself. "I'm a good boy, remember?"

"Fuck." Mew's voice sounds far away.

"Did you drop it again?"

He hears him scramble on the other end. "No, I threw it." Mew takes a deep breath. "Nong, you can't say shit like that. I'm trying to behave here, and you're driving me crazy." The desperation in his voice goes straight to Gulf's crotch.

He grips the phone and starts playing with his neck. "I thought you still wanted to flirt with me na?"

"Go easy on me, Gulf."

Oh, fuck. Gulf grabs at the fabric of his shirt. "Are you begging me right now, Phi?"

"Yai Nong…" he uses his threatening voice.

Gulf's breath is getting heavier. And, shit, so is Mew's. "Khun Phi…" he licks his lips. "Are you trying to turn me on?"

"Fuck no." His words sound rushed. "You're the one teasing me, remember? You're the one being naughty."

A small, yet audible whine escapes Gulf's lips. "P'Mew…"

"You have to stop saying my name like that, Nong…" his voice has that rough quality that makes Gulf shiver. This isn't even phone sex but he's hard as a rock.

"Shia, Phi…" he closes his eyes. "We can't… do this. We have… ugh…" he loses focus at the sound of Mew's breathing.

"Yes?"

"Fuck, don't say yes right now." He presses his palm against his forehead and groans.

"Then you can't make noises like that right now."

"Phi?"

"What?"

"We're really bad at being friends."

"I know."

Gulf looks down at the bulge in his sweats. "Should we hang up?"

"Probably."

Neither of them says goodbye before hanging up. Gulf tosses his phone on the coffee table and pushes his waistband down to his hips. Fuck, he's really going to do this, isn't he? He's so painfully hard, and just taking himself in his hand makes him moan. An image comes to mind of P'Mew in a white shirt, rolling up his sleeves.

Are you going to be a good boy? Gulf whimpers at the thought of his senior caging him in and turning him around. Place your hands on the wall and spread your legs. He pictures Mew running his hands down his back, squeezing his hips, and reaching around to stroke him. Slow, teasing strokes at first, making him moan in real life. He licks his lips as he quickens his pace. I said- are you going to be a good boy?

Yes. The words are a whisper on his lips. Yes, what? Gulf tightens his grip, imagining it to be his senior. Yes, Khun Phi. He's whimpering now. How he wants to behave. How he wants to be obedient. Do you like the way your Khun Phi touches you? It's making him insane. Yes, Phi. Even if it's not really him, the thought alone is causing a rising in his stomach. Thinking of Mew's hand on his cock, rough and commanding. Are you going to come for me? God, he's so close. He pictures P'Mew lacing his fingers with his own against the wall as he continues to stroke him. Holding him prisoner and driving him to the brink of rapture. Yes, Phi. Please let me come. Harder now, slowing to an agonizing pace that teases him and forces him to feel every inch of sweet and tantalizing pressure. Steady strokes that draw out the pleasure until he can't take it anymore, and it builds inside of him. Be a good boy and come for me. And it's all he can do to not cry out as he arches his back and bucks his hips. He's coming so hard, mind racing at the thought of P'Mew's hand covered in his cum, milking him for every last drop.

He lies there for a moment, sweaty and out of breath. There's cum all over his shirt and even some on the couch. Definitely not the work of a good boy. He sighs and stares up at the ceiling. It can't be that hard, right? It's friendship, not physics. Seems that hardness isn't the issue here. He cleans up, changes his shirt, and reaches for his phone.

Gulf

Video call me na when you're done

It's another ten minutes before Mew responds.

Mew

Done with what?

Gulf

Don't make me feel even worse about this, Phi. I can't have been the only one

Mew

Oh.

Mew's face appears in the video chat. His hair is wet.

"Did you shower?"

His eyes wander around the room. "Uh, it's hot in my condo."

"I bet."

He makes a face at Gulf. "Okay na, I also did it. Why are you always so unreserved?”

Gulf laughs at his senior. "We said we would be more honest with each other."

"I didn't think you meant this honest."

He smiles at him. P'Mew can be so whiny at times. "We have to talk about this, Phi. It's been a week, and look where we are."

"What do you suggest we do?"

He lies down on the couch and sighs. "We should focus na on the point of our friendship. Getting to know each other. Working through your healing."

P'Mew runs a hand through his hair. Gulf knows it as a tell for when he's stressed. "I'm going to need a snack for this."

__________________

"The breeder almost wouldn't sell him to me. He said he was sickly and didn't get along with the other puppies." P'Mew sighs and shrugs at him. "So, I offered him more money and he accepted. My mom still doesn't know how much I really paid for Chopper."

"No other puppy would do, huh?"

Mew gives him a warm smile. "I have a soft spot for those who are cute and anti-social."

Gulf sees his own ears turning red on the screen. "I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about."

His senior lets out a contented sigh. "This was a good idea." His eyes take on a languid, dreamlike quality.

Warmth washes over Gulf as he stares at him through the phone. "How are you sleeping these days?"

Worry flashes on his face. "I've had these incoherent dreams lately. Not even memories. Just… fragments."

"Of what?"

"Random daily things. Class, Chopper, driving." He huffs and leans back on his couch. "Sometimes it doesn't make sense. I dreamt I was at the night market, looking for a keychain like they sell to tourists. Or I was making a smoothie but I didn't have all the ingredients."

Gulf laughs at his senior. "So, normal dreams?"

"Is that normal? I don't even know anymore." He groans and scrunches up his face. "There was one time, part of my dream was in English."

"How did that happen?"

"I was reading a journal article by a Canadian." They laugh together and it feels natural between them. No sexual tension, no hesitancy. Just them being Mew and Gulf.

"What do you think this means, Phi?"

He yawns and stretches out on the couch. "I think it's too soon to tell. Why, is Yai Nong that eager to date me?" He flashes a grin so devilish that Gulf's heart skips, but it's soon replaced by his senior's goofy smile. The one that fills his chest with warmth.

"P'Mew flatters himself too much."

"You weren't, so I had to."

He can see his own shy expression on the screen. "That's a boyfriend privilege. It has to be earned na."

P'Mew raises his eyebrows. "What's included in the friendship package?"

Something squirms in Gulf's tummy. He's been wanting to ask a question for the past few days. "How about we hang out?"

"Alai na?"

"Uuh," he says. Yeah. "Let's hang out like friends do."

Mew considers it. "What did you have in mind?"

"Hot pot?"

___________________

Gulf spots his senior near the restaurant entrance. He's leaning against the outside, one hand in his pocket as he scrolls through his phone. His bangs are messy and just barely cover his eyes. How does he manage to look so cool all the time? Mew looks up and appraises him as he approaches.

"How long did it take you to pick out your clothes?"

"Alai na, Phi?"

"How long did it take to choose your outfit?"

Gulf shifts his weight and shrugs. "Half an hour?"

Mew nods. "Forty-five minutes for me. I think we're overthinking it." He holds the door open for him.

Gulf looks at his senior. "Really? Khun Phi is such a gentleman." He catches a whiff of something bold and cool in the air. "Are you wearing cologne?"

Mew's cheeks turn pink. "Yes, but I tried washing it off, okay?" He arches an eyebrow. "You styled your hair."

"It was fluffy."

"So?"

His ears are burning as they're escorted to their booth. They slide in next to each other before realizing how awkward it is. "Don't know why I did that," says Gulf. He stands and sits across from Mew. The smug bastard has an arrogant grin on his stupid, handsome face.

"You didn't answer my question," says his senior.

"So…" Gulf looks to see that nobody is around them. "I wanted you to think I looked good. There." He pretends to read the drinks menu.

Mew laughs and leans across the table. "I always think you look good, Nong. And I love your fluffy hair."

Gulf doesn't understand any of the words on the menu. He's too busy trying to suppress the fluttering in his stomach. How is he ever going to get through this date- no, not date. Very much not date- with P'Mew acting so flirty?

It's midway through their meal that Gulf shoves his chopsticks at Mew. "Here, try this one." He holds out a piece of meat. Without hesitation, Mew opens his mouth and accepts the bite.

It's not until he swallows that Mew freezes. "We probably shouldn't do that."

Gulf looks at his chopsticks. "Shia. It was just second nature."

"I know."

When the check comes, Mew pays for them both. Gulf slumps down in his seat, rubbing his tummy. "Thanks na, Phi."

"I see you have no trouble letting me treat you."

He stretches and smacks his lips. "You're the Phi and I'm the Nong. I don't make the rules."

"You don't follow them, either."

They leave the restaurant, and Mew reaches for his hand. "Ay." He catches himself. "Sorry."

Gulf looks down at his empty fingers. "Oh, right." He puts his hand in his pocket. "I guess friends don't do that."

"This is weird," says Mew. "It feels like ants are crawling over my skin. I just want to reach out and arrnngghh!" He makes a squeezing motion with his hands.

Gulf gives him the sweetest smile he can muster. "Does Khun Phi miss his Nong Stress Ball?"

"Is that all you have to say?" He gives him a look that says, I'm so done. "Can't you ever tell me you feel the same?"

"Aow." Gulf stops walking and turns to face him. "I'm the one who confessed, remember?"

Mew's expression melts into a sappy grin as he leans forward. "Yes, you did. And you've made me the happiest man."

Gulf can't help but stare into his half moon eyes. Eyes that have burned themselves into his heart. Eyes that have flooded his very being with the rush and thrill of new love. "You're cornier than Tharn," he says, because he doesn't know how else to respond. He looks around them. "Where are we?"

Mew glances at the street sign. "I don't know. My car's back there," he laughs and points in the direction they came.

Gulf heads into a deserted side street and leans against a building. "Was this a stupid idea, Phi?"

Mew stands in front of him, both hands in his pockets. Why does he look so cool whenever he does that? "We just have to keep trying na. It might not work the first few times, because we're still figuring it out. But it's a good idea, Nong." He crouches down and looks up at him. "I want to be your friend first before I become your faen. I want to be the kind of lover who already knows how to take care of you."

Gulf can only stare. How does he breathe after hearing something like that? He wants to reach out and touch his cheek, wants to run his fingers through P'Mew's hair. "How can you say something like that, Khun Phi," he whispers, "and expect me to not kiss you?"

His senior stands back up. His eyes are soft and a little sad. "I can wait if you can."

_____________________

"You went on a date?"

Gulf sighs and pours more soap into the mold. "It was just hot pot."

"Just the two of you?"

He looks up from his work. "Well, yeah. Should we have invited other people?"

"I don't know." Kaprao dips his finger into the bowl and tastes it. "Hmm."

"Wait, isn't this soap?"

"No, we're making chocolate bars now."

"Oh." Gulf can never keep up with their activities. He just shows up and does as he's told. "Was it this weird for you and Fon when you broke up and became friends?"

Kaprao pours more chocolate into the molds. "Yes. We even slept together a few more times before we calmed down."

"I see."

"Which I guess is your equivalent of making out in parking lots." He giggles and dodges Gulf's half-hearted swat.

"What was the hardest adjustment for you?"

His junior sighs and hops up on the counter. "Not being able to hold her."

And there it is. He clears a space and joins him. "I miss being held." Instinctively, he reaches for his stomach. He can't even remember the last time Mew touched it. "How did you deal?"

Kaprao swings his legs back and forth. "Oh, you know. Hugged a pillow at night, ate a bunch of junk food, and learned three languages at the same time."

"Um...I own a pillow."

"There you go!"

______________________

They spend Saturday at the Chatuchak Weekend Market in section 27: books. Gulf isn't sure why he suggested it. He's not big on shopping, but it's a heavily crowded area where they should be able to control themselves better.

Gulf finds a book that has Ancient Greek written on one page and the English translation on the other page. It's a collection of old poems. He flips open to a fragment by Sappho.

"What's this word na?" He points to the English.

Mew pauses for a second. He looks up at the ceiling and mutters to himself. "Trying to think of the best equivalent." He looks back at him and purses his lips. "Probably like… kwaam yàak." Longing.

"Kwaam yàak," Gulf repeats. He reads the English out loud.

You came and I was crazy for you.

And you cooled my mind that burned with longing.

Mew studies him with an expression that Gulf has only seen a few times. As if he's trying to figure him out. "Do you want it?" He asks.

"Alai na?"

"The book," he says, nodding at it. "What did Yai Nong think I was talking about?"

"Aow." He puts it back on the shelf. "No, it's okay. English is weird enough in prose."

Mew places a hand on his back as they navigate through the crowd. He pulls away with a sheepish look once they reach an open area. "Sorry na."

When they reach the food stalls in section 26, Gulf grabs Mew by the arm. "Crispy pork dead ahead." He looks down at his hands around Mew's sleeve. "Oh." He lets go and turns away from him. Damnit.

They walk around with their food, Gulf eating his crispy pork from a small styrofoam container. "Thanks for lunch na, Phi."

"I'm the phi and you're the nong, remember? I don't make the rules." he holds out his chicken skewer for Gulf to taste. "Mmgh."

He leans forward to take a bite, but catches himself. "Maybe I shouldn't," he says.

Mew sighs and hands him the skewer. "Then you hold it na. It's good."

Gulf ends up eating the whole thing.

"This was fun." Gulf stands next to his car, shifting his weight back and forth. "I think we did a good job today."

Mew nods, hands in his pocket. Probably so he won't be tempted to touch him. "Is it getting easier for Yai Nong?"

"Maybe?" Gulf thinks about last night and the two pillows he stacked behind him to feel like someone was holding him. "You?"

His senior winces. "No. Not really." He looks at the ground. "I don't want you to feel bad about this plan. But since you wanted us to be honest with each other, the truth is I miss holding you."

Gulf's mouth has gone dry. He can't stand the prickling at the back of his neck or the tingle at his fingertips. Most of all, he can't stand the empty space around him that P'Mew used to occupy.

"I've been chilly lately," Gulf confesses. "Not cold like whenever we fight. More like I feel exposed."

Gulf can see the strain that his phi is exerting. His arms are tense, as if he's trying to stop himself from reaching out. His eyes darken and his brow wrinkles. "I hope it goes away soon, Nong."

"I guess we should go na."

"Yeah."

"I'll talk to you later."

"Text when you get home?" P'Mew asks with concern. "So I know you made it back safely."

Gulf smiles. He wants to pull his senior in by his shirt and kiss him senseless. Honestly, the kinds of things he says. Will he ever get used to being cared for this much? "I'll video call you," says Gulf, waving and getting into his car.

_____________________

"The orthodontist kept making jokes that I wouldn't be able to chew gum or eat sticky candy. Eventually I told him I don't like sweets."

Mew falls back with laughter. He looks into the camera and smiles. "How long did it go on before you told him?"

Gulf lets out a small, infectious giggle. "A few months."

Mew wipes the tears from his eyes from laughing too hard. "Did he think you were lying?"

"Yes!" Gulf brings his phone close to his face. "He winked at me and said it's okay if I eat a little, just be careful about my braces." He ruffles his hair and stares at his senior on the screen. He looks so comfortable lying on the couch. It reminds Gulf of the time they laid in each other's arms after he confessed.

"To this day, does he still think you were lying?"

He scrunches his nose and laughs. "No, I had my mom tell him it was true."

Mew looks at him through the phone, his eyes softening and his mouth curling into a smile. "Thanks for sharing."

Gulf returns the smile. "It's what friends do."

___________________

Gulf padded toward his senior in the lobby outside the workshop room. It was much too early in the morning to function. He pushed him into the nearest armchair and plopped himself down in his lap.

"Oomph." P'Mew's arms wrapped around his waist. "Why can't you be more gentle na?"

Gulf leaned back completely and rested his head on Mew's shoulder. "Mai." No.

His co-star chuckled and hugged him even closer. "I asked why, not if you could."

He only patted Mew's hand and snuggled against him for a nap. He'd said everything he cared to say. He hoped he would drift off while still in his state of "I don't give a fuck," but he never knew when it would wear off. Sometimes he wished it wouldn't, so he could always initiate touch with his phi. But with increased alertness always came increased inhibitions.

Mew gave up on trying to get an answer out of him. He leaned his head against Gulf's and sighed. Was it a contented sigh or a frustrated one?

"Does Khun Phi want me to be more gentle?"

Mew rubbed his cheek against his ear. "No. This makes it worth it."

Gulf wakes up underneath his stack of pillows. He burrows further, chasing the warmth. What's wrong with him? Surely he can't be this addicted to Mew's touch. It's not like heartache or rejection. Mew loves him. He loves him. The touch can wait.

Can't it?

He emerges and wraps his arms around the pillows. The fullness in his arms brings him comfort and he wonders if this will be enough until… Shia, until what? How will he know they're ready? At this rate, he's liable to give in just for a hug. He and Mew have gotten so used to holding each other. It feels unnatural to keep their distance. It's even started to hurt. He shoves his covers off him and scrambles out of bed.

___________________

"Alai wa?"

Gulf nods at Mew through the screen. His mouth is foamy as he continues to brush his teeth. He holds up his finger while he gargles. "I want to come over to your condo."

Mew stops combing his hair to look down at his phone. "I was afraid that's what you said. I don't think it's a good idea, Yai Nong."

Gulf gags while brushing his tongue. "Ugh! Ah. Hold on." He rinses his mouth and leaves the bathroom. "I have a plan, okay?"

Mew works a bit of styling product through his hair. "Why does that sentence scare me?"

He rolls his eyes. "Trust me. Can I come over or what?"

Mew's eyes wander around the bathroom. "I guess. I'll text you the address."

___________________

Gulf stares at Mew's door before ringing the bell. He didn't think he'd see Mew's place for a while, but then again, he didn't think friendship would be this hard.

Mew opens the door and looks at him as if seeing him for the first time. He shakes out of his trance and ushers him inside.

The condo is simultaneously what Gulf expected and didn't expect. Plenty of natural light- expected. Big TV- expected. Lots of books on the shelf - expected. Everything neat and tidy- expected. He notices the kitchen table and the mess of papers and half empty glasses and dishes all over it- unexpected. A giant teddy bear on the couch- unexpected. A ceramic ashtray- definitely unexpected.

"P'Mew, do you smoke?"

His senior startles. "Is that your plan?" He follows Gulf's line of sight to the ashtray. "Oh. I made that in art class when I was a kid. It's for sunflower seed shells." He points to the bag on the table.

Gulf breathes a sigh of relief. "Um. Khun Phi, I want you to hold me."

Mew's mouth falls open. He squints at him and makes a confused noise. "Alai wa?"

Gulf steps closer. "It's what we do, Khun Phi. It's how we are." He reaches for his hand and places it around his waist. "We're trying to do friendship the way other people do it, but that's not us. And that's why it's hard."

Mew smiles and slides his other arm around him. "It's not us, huh?"

He shakes his head. "We've always been close, even before we fell in love. Why should we change that now that we're even closer to being together?"

Mew's eyes are perfect half moons. His smile fills Gulf with a rush of warmth that spreads down to his toes. "Did you just say we're in love?"

Shia. He laughs at Mew's teasing noises and rests his weight against his senior. "Why am I always the one admitting it?"

"Because I'm trying to behave," says Mew. He pulls him close and sighs with relief. "You have no idea how great this feels."

Gulf wraps his arms around Mew's neck. "Yes, I do."

They hug for what most people would consider a long time. But for Gulf, he knows it will never be enough. He pulls back eventually, arms still around Mew's neck.

"Skinship will always be part of us, Khun Phi. I don't think we should stop it."

"You think we can handle it?" He raises an eyebrow.

Gulf leads them over to the couch and pushes P'Mew down to sit. He plops himself down on his lap.

"Oomph." Mew groans but wraps his arms around Gulf anyway.

"We're fine now, aren't we?" Asks Gulf. He adjusts to look at him. "When we tried not to touch each other, it became a temptation. But this is normal for us."

Mew squishes at his belly. "Fuck, I missed you."

"You've seen me this whole time."

"Not you," says Mew. He points to Gulf's stomach. "I missed that."

They watch a movie together. Gulf starts off in his lap, but they end up in many different positions. Sometimes with Gulf resting his head on Mew's shoulder, sometimes with Mew's legs thrown over Gulf's lap. But always touching. It's just their way.

"Yai Nong?"

"Hmm?"

"Gulf." Mew pokes his cheek.

He opens his eyes. "Alai na, Phi?"

"You fell asleep."

He nods. He knows. "Nap," he grumbles.

"Alai na?"

"Nap," he repeats, pulling Mew down on top of him.

"Gulf, we're not going to fit."

He groans and tumbles off the couch. "Lie down," he says, pointing at the space he was in.

Mew sighs and does as he's told. "Should I get on my side?"

Gulf shakes his head. He crawls on top of him and lies against his chest. "How's this?"

Mew wraps his arms around him. "Perfect."

"Good," says Gulf. He yawns and snuggles up. "Now sshh. It's nap time."