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Ash Lynx had always hated hotels.
They reminded him of cigarettes and body odor, white sheets stained with blood, fluffy pillows soaked with tears. They reminded him of sweaty, vile kisses going down the side of his throat, of dirty hands, of a shining camera in which he could see his reflection. They reminded him of the clicking.
Click, click, click.
Always that fucking clicking, playing over and over and over again until he couldn't fall asleep. Until he had to empty his stomach into the toilet. Until he had to press his hands over his shaking mouth so nobody could hear him sob, salty tears on his tongue.
Dino didn't like it when he cried.
He fell asleep every night with the clicking echoing through his skull, dried tears on his pale face, curled up into a ball. He thought that would help him become invisible for at least one night, at least one peaceful night when nobody came into his room. When the disgusting smell of alcohol didn't wake him up. When the sharp zipper sound didn't make him want to weep. When he wasn't reminded how worthless his life truly was.
A fat laugh. Filthy skin. Fresh blood.
Hotels reminded Ash of lies and deceits.
"He's my son, we're on vacation."
"Oh, him? My nephew."
"That boy is my grandson."
Leave me alone, he wanted to yell as he got dragged to the room. Don't do this to me, pleasepleasepleaseplease, he wanted beg as his head hit the rough mattress. Where am I, he wanted to croak out as another defening click made him flinch. Why me, he wanted to ask as the door closed and the painful silence filled the air.
But no words left him. Why did his throat hurt?
And when semen and blood eventually became one, he fell asleep, mind so exhausted that it couldn't form a coherent thought. Instead, it only played one sound.
Click, click, click.
"He's very young. You sure you want him?"
"I like em' young."
Click.
"How much does he cost?"
Click.
"You're such a whore. Nobody's ever gonna love you, you know that, right? You're only good for getting your brains fucked out."
Click.
Hotels reminded Ash of the rides back to Dino's place. Smelly drivers, obnoxiously loud music, ruined jeans he had to wear since they were the only thing he owned. The driver eyeing him up and down.
Ash tried to look through the windows.
Ash tried to say no.
Ash tried to yell for help.
That time, there wasn't a camera. But Ash could still hear it clicking somewhere in the back of his head, as the man pushed his head down.
Click, click, click.
A grunt.
Calloused fingers gripping his hair.
A bad taste in his mouth.
Why is this happening to me?
The rides back were always the worst.
Everything was so blurry. Why was everything so blurry? Why couldn't he see anything? He was so tired. Why did everything have to hurt so much? What did he do to deserve this?
His eyes started closing once again. He ignored how sick he was feeling.
What was in his mouth?
As he fell asleep, the clicking started again.
Click, click, click.
Why did it have to be so loud?
Hotels reminded Ash of everything he wanted to forget.
The greedy laughing.
The zipper.
The clicking.
The letter was wet beneath his head. The sun felt nice on his skin. Soothing. Warm. It was so, so nice. It was quiet. Mindless static whirled through his head. He was so tired. He was so fucking tired.
Ash had always heard the clicking every time he went to sleep. This time was different.
He closed his eyes. The sun shone on him. He wishes he could stay like that forever.
Click.
It was so quiet. Thank you for everything, Eiji.
He smiled.
Click.
Sayonara.
The third click had always been the loudest. Ash Lynx didn't hear it.