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Was there a lifetime waiting for us in a world where I was yours?
The day Donghyuck meets Sungchan is the day he found out about love.
Of course he knows what love is. It's such a cliche thing. It's so famous. It's a norm. He has read books about love, a lot of them. He always listen to love songs as well.
I mean, who could possibly not know what love is?
Even the idea of love is fascinating itself. The moment you're born you already have love in you. What more so as you grow up?
Donghyuck grew up full of love from a lot of people. His family and friends mainly. They adored him. With his bright personality and lovely existence everyone was bound to like him.
A hopeless romantic, that's what he is. He has dreamed a love that he witnessed from his parents. He has imagined every way possible of how he could probably meet the love meant for him.
However, this was never a part of it. Hindi niya naisip ito kahit kailan sa buong buhay niya. Hindi niya inaasahan ang pagdating ng pag-ibig na kay tagal niyang pinangarap ay darating sa ganitong paraan.
Walang pasabi. Walang babala. Biglaan at hindi katulad ng kaniyang mga imahinasyon. It was even better than that.
Love walked in front of him like it was the most normal thing ever in the world. Sungchan appeared in his life so suddenly that he almost couldn't believe it. It was a dream in a dream. Fate stumbled up on his life and he doesn't know wheter he should thank or hate it.
"Hi." bati niya at inabot ang kamay niya uoang makipagkilala. "Jung Sungchan, I'm your new classmate."
Naglipat-lipat ang tingin ni Donghyuck sa mukha at kamay ng lalaki bago siya matauhan ng mapansin ang dahan-dahang pagbawi niya sa kamay.
Hinawakan niya ito at tinaggap ang kaniyang introduksyon, "Lee Donghyuck. It's nice to meet you."
And just like that, without knowing a single thing— love blooms between them.
Love was when Sungchan smiles at him with all of his teeth showing, gums peeking out, eyes crinkling as his mouth curls up into a crescent shape. Laughing because of a joke he said. Laughter sounding like music to his ears.
Love was when Sungchan discretely holds his hand under the table of their school desk. Creeping sideways, slowly, to reach his fingers with his. Placing his hand above his and intertwining them. Squeezing them together.
Love was when Sungchan wraps his arms around him. Basking him in the warmth of his body. Caging him in a bone crushing hug to protect him from the cold of the night breeze. One hand carresing his back as the other takes his one hand and puts it in the pocket of his padded jacket.
Love was the way Sungchan holds his face so softly, like he's scared he's going to break. Treating him like a fragile glass that's going to broken into pieces with one wrong move. It was when he presses his lips against Donghyuck as he strokes his soft cheeks with his fingers. Mouth claiming his with a gentle kiss.
Love was definitely when Sungchan tells him the most magical three words he has been dying to hear. It was when he says it with a voice so tender that it almost melts Donghyuck. Whispering it on his ears, lips grazing on his earlobes making him shiver with the feeling together with his happiness.
The day Sungchan met Donghyuck is the day he found out what a heartbreak is.
One look at him and he knew. Love was in front of him and a heartbreak coming with it. Hindi niya alam kung paano, pero alam niya.
Maybe it was with the way Donghyuck smiles at him so brightly. Maybe it's because he's like the sun. It's high and unreachable. Blinding and warm but eautiful, nonetheless.
Heartbreak is when Donghyuck sings with his honey voice. Sungchan could probably distinguish that voice anywhere. It's when he hears and it goes deep inside him directly to his heart. Aching, beating, stopping, and skipping a beat.
Heartbreak was whenever Donghyuck dreams bigger than what Sungchan has. It's when he thinks of all the things he could get in the world with his abilities. It's when he dreams of something he couldn't possibly give.
Heartbreak is when Sungchan meets Donghyuck’s eyes. Eyes full of hope, dreams and love. Shining as it reflects the night sky. Sparkling as he looks at him. Blinking so slowly as he stares at him.
Heartbreak is when Donghyuck says back those three words that left his mouth from the bottom of his heart. Beautiful words delivered in a sweet voice from the most amazing person he has ever met. It only makes him feel worse. It only intensifies the heartbreak. It's inevitable.
Heartbreak is when Donghyuck’s soft lips press against his chapped ones. Gently moving and feeling his mouth. Pouring his feelings into the kiss. Hands pulling and tugging at his hair.
It was definitely when Donghyuck lays down beside him on the grass under the night sky. The wind blowing in their direction. Looking up at the moon and stars, illuminating the universe above that he could easily find in Donghyuck's eyes.
Was it the wrong time, what if we tried giving in a little more to the warmth we had before?
Donghyuck sits down at one of the chairs in the balcony beside Sungchan. The night was quiet, only the sound of crickets and other insects with the slight wind could be heard. The night was unexpectedly bright compared to the weather forecast saying it would be cloudy.
They both sat there in silence. Just basking with each other's presence and the feeling of the night around them.
It was hard. Almost unbearable. But they both know it's supposed to happen. It's supposed to end. Now before everything goes worse. They don't wanna risk ruining something that can still be saved. Don't wanna lose something they can still keep.
It's Sungchan who makes the first move. He moves his chair closer to his so that there's only a little to close distance between them. Enough to reach out to him, enough to touch and hold him.
Donghyuck is shivering from the cold and his nerves shaking from the nervousness. Sungchan notices and holds his hands, lifting it to place a kiss on his knuckles.
The action makes Donghyuck smile. He does it a few more times earning him a giggle from the older. Sungchan can't help but sigh in relief. They're okay.
"Nilalamig ka ba?" Donghyuck asks, caging both of his hands between his and blowing on it in an attempt to ease the cold. "Your hands are cold."
"That's what I need you for. So just hold my hand for a while. You're warm." Always was, always will be.
"I'll keep you warm forever if you want. Hindi naman ako madamot." sambit niya.
Sungchan laughs and rests his head on their hands. "Ikaw hindi ka ba nialalamig? Nanginginig ka kaya."
"I can manage. I'm warm remember?" Donghyuck trembles, not from the cold but the ugly feeling creeping up on his body. Sorrow, regret, desperation.
"I'm sorry, Donghyuck." he whispers, voice full of hurt.
Umiling siya, "I should be the one sorry. Why are you sorry?"
"I don't know." Baka kasi una palang alam niya na mangyayari ito. Una palang, kahit alam na niya, tinuloy niya pa rin. He was greedy and selfish. At ngayon nasaktan lang sila.
"Sungchan, I know you. Sinisisi mo nanaman ba ang sarili mo?" Donghyuck lets go of his hands to hold his face. He melts into his hands and closes his hands. "None of these are your fault."
"I don't wanna lose you." Sungchan holds his hands on his face, squeezing it so tight like he's afraid Donghyuck is going to disappear.
"You won't. Hindi ako aalis at lalong hinding-hindi ako mawawala sayo. I'll always be here." He assures him and pulls him into a hug. Sungchan immediately reciprocates and puts his arms around him, firmly holding him.
"Even if this ends? Even if we give up whatever we have right now?" Donghyuck whimpers but holds it in not wanting to worry and make Sungchan feel more worse.
End. Everything has its end, he knows. But with an end of something you can still start a new. End. This isn't the end for them. It's only the end of something they had.
He nods, closing his eyes to stop the tears from flowing. He hugs Sungchan closer and tightly. Grasping his sweater and holding on it for his dear life, wanting to keep this last for a moment.
And when Sungchan whispers I love you into his ears, he loses it. Donghyuck sobs, tears flowing so hard as his heart breaks with it. He wavers as coldness wraps around them. He takes whatever warmth there is left between them.
Right from the start Sungchan knew. Donghyuck was too bright for him, too high, too unreachable, too much for him to handle. He knew that Donghyuck wasn't his to take.
He tried. Sinubukan naman niya eh, nilaban niya. But he couldn't. You can never have what's not made for you. You can never acquire something that isn't yours. No matter how hard you try, no matter how much you want it. If it's not yours, it will never be.
Donghyuck deserves a love much more than what he could give. He's destined for something great and beautiful that he won't be able to find in Sungchan. As he finally accepts this his heart tears apart. He almost could hear it break as Donghyuck wails.
With thousand words left unsaid and hundred questions unanswered, they give it all up. They let go of it in order to save what they could still have. In order to be able to keep each other on their lives.
At the end of it all they found out what game fate is playing— love.
Never mind, you were never mine. Oh, you were a good dream.