Work Text:
Shang Qinghua was, at the moment, regretting some of his decisions in life. Not all of them, mind you, not even most of them. In fact, this time, he was only regretting the decision of volunteering to come on to this damned mission.
It wasn’t because the mission was particularly difficult or anything. After some digging from his memory, Shang Qinghua knew exactly the wheres and whats and hows to efficiently and easily solve the problem. That had actually been a factor for his volunteering on the mission, the village in question was pretty far away, but not too far, and the problem was solvable even if he was to go alone.
Really, he kind of could take it as a vacation. Between the responsibilities as a peak lord and serving his handsome (but somewhat cruel) Icy Demon Lord, he definitely needed one. He had definitely earned it. That’s also how he had rationalized it to Mobei-jun, who he feared would randomly teleport to come and fetch him do whatever small task ”required” him to be in person and flesh.
In the end, Mobei-jun had agreed to not disturb his little break, though very grumpily and not without coldly glaring at him, and definitely not without a little threat of violence.
So, Shang Qinghua had an easy mission, his supposed vacation, and time to relax for once, right? Everything should have been prefect and exactly as planned, right?
Hahaha!
Of course not!
The thing was, Shen Qingqiu (Cucumber edition) was going with him, which, in itself, wouldn’t have been much of a problem. After all, wouldn’t having someone more equipped in fighting accelerate the mission-solving considerably, leaving Shang Qinghua with even more relaxing leisure time?
The answer would perhaps be ”yes”, even if Shen Qingqiu was notorious for refusing to lift a finger and leaving all the hard work to Shang Qinghua, but at least his company was entertaining, and Shang Qinghua felt he could freely talk or complain about basically anything.
But. But. BUT!
The real and the biggest problem for Shang Qinghua was the fact that where Shen Qingqiu(still Cucumber edition) went, a certain overpowered, former stallion novel-, currently gay Demon Lord of a protagonist followed.
Some might think, wasn’t this a good thing? Luo Binghe with his overpowered protagonist’s golden halo would only need to glare at the problem and the problem would promptly solve itself in less than a heartbeat, giving Shang Qinghua even more free time, right?
Ah, if it was that simple, Shang Qinghua would have taken the whole situation as a blessing.
But alas, nothing was ever simple, except Shang Qinghua’s simple lack of luck in life.
In hindsight, Shang Qinghua should have known that logically this was the only outcome that could have ever happened. Still, it hurt. The constant feeling of being the dreaded (annoying, pointless, like air but even less) third wheel, that is.
Maybe in normal circumstances, Shang Qinghua would have been able to deal with it. After all, upon transmigrating, he had sacrificed countless lives to save his own without much guilt, obviously it meant he didn’t care about others. He could act shamalessly if it helped him in any way, obviously it meant he didn’t care about what others thought about him.
Maybe it was the fact that Cucumber-bro had had it all so easy. Shang Qinghua’s, no Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky’s, biggest critic had (and still) enjoyed an easy and relaxing life in his peak like a rich young master, while Shang Qinghua had slaved his ass away, suffering from being bullied by his seniors. His biggest critic had landed on the most handsome and powerful man in the both realms, while Shang Qinghua was lonely and still slaving away, no matter where he was.
Life truly was unfair.
...
Anyway, even without Shang Qinghua’s inner demons, this amount of ”not really actual PDA, but definitely flirting, more or less straight up eye-fucking” would have made any person with even the tiniest amount of air-reading ability to die a little on the inside, perhaps even outside. The two lovebirds were so deep in their own little world, Shang Qinghua was sure neither of his companions would have noticed if he suddenly went and disappeared. Instead they would have surely continued their merry way like they were on a darn honeymoon, and not on a, well, notthat important of a mission, but on a mission nonetheless, damn it!
Obviously, being busy flirting with Luo Binghe, Cucumber-bro was no fun and had no time or thought to spare for Shang Qinghua. And even having to do most of the logistics, riding a cart, finding and booking their staying at the inns, doing some shopping, etc, etc… and even though Luo Binghe was with them and cooked form time to time, Shang Qinghua didn’t have any chances tasting Luo Binghe’s dishes, so he was stuck cooking for himself.
Such was the life of Shang Qinghua: difficult, boring and thankless.
And very, very lonely.
This kind of thinking, and the stressful situtaion of being the dreaded third wheel was doubtlessly a factor for the situation they were in now.
And the situation at hand was that Shang Qinghua had the very drunk, very sad Luo Binghe holding on to him and crying his heart out like there was no tomorrow. Well, that was what Luo Binghe was probably thinking anyway.
And the reason why Luo Binghe was in such a state?
Actually, it was no other than Shang Qinghua himself!
Well, sort of.
It was a little complicated, after all.
Sure, it had been him who had had the flower of The Drunken Immortal on him, and it had been him who had brewed it into quite the delicious tea (if he could say so himself), and it had been him who had also let Luo Binghe drink it.
But! Shang Qinghua had a suspicion this whole farce was planned beforehand, by none other than…
…Luo Binghe himself! Dun dun duuuun!
You see, the person he had got the flower from was… well, it hadn’t actually been Luo Binghe, but it had been Mobei-jun, so it was close enough!
Before the three of them had left for the mission, Mobei-jun had teleported into Shang Qinghua’s room, nearly given him a heart attack, and had unceremoniously dropped a pouch containing the already dried flower onto Shang Qinghua’s lap.
”Uhh, my King? Whatever am I supposed to do with this?” had Shang Qinghua very reasonably questioned.
Mobei-jun had replied with a glare and a very unhelpful ”figure it out yourself”, before disappearing as suddenly as he had appeared, leaving Shang Qinghua with more questions than answers.
At least he hadn’t gotten a beating, so Shang Qinghua considered it a net positive.
So, having the flower, knowing its effect and also having endured so much time suffering as the third wheel, Shang Qinghua thought it would be kind of hilarious to see the high and mighty protagonist under the table. With Luo Binghe out of the play and tucked in bed, maybe he would be able to have a laugh or two with Cucumber-bro about it. Shang Qinghua was almost starting to understand all those jealous, plotting mistresses that he had written about in the past. Almost.
After their meal at the inn they were staying that night, Shang Qinghua decided to unleash his secret weapon.
”So, I got a hold of this, ah, special flower. I’ve heard that tea brewed from it relaxes both body and the mind,” Shang Qinghua explained trirying to appear as casual as he could. ”Would you like to try it?”
Shen Qingqius expression was somewhere between mildly interested to openly skeptical, but Luo Binghe, upon seeing the pink and red striped flowers, leaned forward, eyes lighting up. There was a hint of something dangerous in Luo Binghe’s dark eyes as he stared intently at Shang Qinghua.
”It certainly seems interesting,, this flower of Shang...shisu’s. I would be willing to try it,” Luo Binghe said, eyes not leaving Shang Qinghua’s even for a moment.
Well, then.
Ignoring all the dangerous flags, Shang Qinghua borrowed a tea set from the inn, brewed the tea, and a sweet aroma from the translucent golden liquid filled the air, and it was strong enough for some people from other tables to steal curious glances at them. Shang Qinghua did his best to ignore the stares, as he poured for Luo Binghe and himself, as Shen Qingqiu politely declined the honor.
They continuned their chattering, but Shang Qinghua could barely focus on listening to Shen Qingqiu’s story, as he watched Luo Binghe empty his cup. And then a second cup. And a third one.
Cup after cup was emptied by Luo Binghe, until the tea was little more than just hot water.
But apart from a light pink tint on his cheeks, Luo Binghe showed no signs of drunkness. Shang Qinghua was starting to wonder if the flower was broken. Maybe the protagonist was simply too much, even for a flower of this caliber.
Then...
”Shizun!” Luo Binghe said happily, a little suddenly. ”Shizun is so pretty!”
”Binghe, you are flattering me again!” Shen Qingqiu smiled and tapped Luo Binghe playfully with his fan.
There it was again, the flirting! Such shameless flirting, and on top of that, in public!
Shang Qinghua was getting fed up once again.
But then.
”Shizun?” Luo Binghe asked in a low tone, eyes half-closed, ”Are you married?”
Shen Qingqiu sighed deeply.
”Yes Binghe, I am married.”
Suddenly, Luo Binghe’s eyes welled up with tears, and he looked like a rejected maiden whose heart had just been broken into million little pieces.
And then, before Shang Qinghua could process what was happening he felt a heavy, uncoordinated weight against his shoulder, and strong arms wrapping rather tightly around him.
Shang Qinghua’s mind finally caught up, and provided him with an understanding that he was being hugged. He was being hugged by the great Demon Lord Luo Binghe, who was quietly sobbing into Shang Qinghua’s shoulder and a little slurrily whispering ”Shizun is married” in disbelief over and over again.
In other words, Luo Binghe was utterly, definitely, very drunk.
The flower had worked! It had really worked!
Shang Qinghua’s heart was a little moved. No, scratch that, it was moved a lot.
Luo Binghe, the great, awesome, overpowered protagonist he had written, had turned to Shang Qinghua in his little crisis.
Shang Qinghua was no longer a mob character, no longer just an annoying third wheel!
Feeling victorious, he turned to look at Cucumber-bro at the opposite side of the table.
But, seeing the other’s expression, his heart sank and he felt his feet go numb.
Shen Qingqiu was staring icily at him, eyes full of sharpest daggers.
”Oh, lord,” came out of Shang Qinghua’s mouth.
This was a mistake.
Shang Qinghua weakly tried to pry Luo Binghe away from him. In response, Luo Binghe held onto him tighter. Shang Qinghua tried harder, at least for show if nothing else.
”It’s your own fault,” Shen Qingqiu said coldly, ”You shouldn’t have introduced him to this tea.”
Why did it turn out like this? Why aren’t we laughing?
A loud sob very close to his ear woke Shang Qinghua up from his rumination.
”Shizun is married!” Luo Binghe cried openly, streams of tears running down his cheeks. ”Can you believe it, Shang-shishu? I lost my chance!”
Lips trembling, teardrops stuck to his eyelashes, brows knitting together in shock and disbelief, Luo Binghe truly looked like a heartsick maiden ready to throw herself into a cold river.
”Who do you think your shizun could have possibly married?!” Shang Qinghua wanted to say, but he couldn’t get his voice out before Shen Qingqiu took a hold of Luo Binghe’s shoulder and Luo Binghe instantly released his grip.
Cold seeped into Shang Qinghua’s body as Luo Binghe’s warmth left his side.
”Binghe, it’s not like that…”
Shen Qingqiu comforted the crying Luo Binghe, but Shang Qinghua head was spinning.
I t’s all in vain.
”Oh boy,” Shang Qinghua said unhelpfully. Shen Qingqiu angrily glared at him again.
The sappy scene before him seemed to reach its climax.
Shang Qinghua couldn’t think.
”I’m very, very happy,” Shen Qingqiu’s voice sounded like it came from far away.
Shang Qinghua wanted to laugh.
”Isn’tthis the most dramatic scene I have ever witnessed,” he said, a tad more coldly, a little more venomously than he meant to. The two lovers looked at him, like they only now remembered he was there at all.
”Get a fucking room, Cucumber-bro.”
Third wheel.
He stood up, perhaps more forcefully than he intended to. Shang Qinghua’s cup, untouched, almost fell over. Slowly, he started walking towards the stairs and towards his room. It was a good thing he had booked a separate room for those two.
Shang Qinghua wasn’t sure if he wanted to see his companions ever again.
He closed the door and fell straight into the wooden bed hard enough it stung. He couldn’t bring himself to care.
The mission couldn’t be over soon enough.