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All Neil could hear was his team's cheers as he saw the goal light up red. He could barely register the crowd until he felt Matt pull him by the back of his jersey into a tight hug. Neil's eyes automatically found Andrew who was, as always, standing in the goal apathetically watching the celebrations.
Neil fought a smile when he checked the scoreboard to see it read 7-13. The post-game line up was a blur and the next thing Neil knew, he was already in the girl's away shower, finishing changing out. He felt dead on his feet, on a high from winning but also utterly exhausted from all the running back and forth.
Soon enough, he managed to finish changing without passing out to find Andrew waiting in the hallway just outside the changing rooms for him. He took one look at Neil and then started walking towards the bus, making Neil drag his feet to keep up.
They both went to their spot at the back of the bus with Kevin, Nicky, and Aaron somewhere in the middle and Upperclassmen and Freshmen upfront. Neil could feel his eyes closing on their own terms but he kept shifting around in his seat, the aisle one. He didn't want to lean on Andrew anymore than he wanted to sleep on the bus but his body was not cooperating. Eventually, Neil positioned himself in a comfortable enough position and told himself he'd rest his eyes for a little while listening to the quiet drum of the loud music coming from Andrew's earbuds.
"Where are you, Junior?"
Nathaniel's eyes flew open frantically, the voice of his nightmares back to haunt him.
He was eight again and was hiding in one of the kitchen cabinets since he was small enough to fit in them. He could hear the muffled clicks of Lola's heels as she walked through the kitchen but her cruel voice was heard clear as day. Nathaniel scrunched his eyes tightly shut, even though the cabinet was already pitch black, trying to get her face out of his head.
It wasn't working.
When Nathaniel couldn't hear the heel's constant drum anymore, he didn't let himself breathe. His hands made fists as he just sat there and listened.
Knock, knock, knock.
Nathaniel flinched backward so suddenly from the noise on the cabinet door he hit the back of his head on the already confined space.
"Nathaniel? It's not very nice to ignore when someone is talking to you,"
Light pooled into Nathaniel's tiny, too short-lived safe haven and he was dragged out of the cabinet soon enough by his hair, his fathers hair. He knew better than to react to the pain, though, else Lola would make it hurt worse.
"Your father has been looking for you, Junior," A sense of physical dread washed over Nathaniel at those words. "He said he had something important to tell you," Lola grinned wide, showing white teeth with blood-red lipstick stains on them.
Nathaniel didn't respond, already having learned that no matter his answer it would be wrong. He wished his mom was here right now, knowing that she had gone to visit her brother in England. She had wanted to take Nathaniel with her but Nathan said no and neither of them asked again.
The sting of Lola's nails digging into his skin threw him back into reality. Neil watched the upcoming door of his father's office with trepidation but he felt himself start shaking when they walked straight past it. There are only two places his father usually has Nathaniel taken to talk and since they passed the office that only left the basement.
The basement where all the screams come from, the basement where there are bloodstains they couldn't be cleaned, the basement Mary would nurse Nathaniel back to health when his father got too angry and took it out on him.
Neil already knew where this was going.
The walk down the stairs was too quick.
The next thing he knew, he was staring at Nathan's feet in an attempt to avoid looking at the face he'd grown to fear.
"Nathaniel," He didn't flinch. Flinching got him hit. "Nathaniel. look at me when I talk to you," Nathaniel forced himself to stare up at the soulless blue eyes that gazed down at him with apathy. In the corner of his eye, he could see Lola digging through his father's work equipment and he couldn't stop shaking. Why couldn't he just stop shaking-.
"Do you know where your mother is right now, Nathaniel?" He nodded a reply because agreeing was safe. "Where is she right now?"
"England,"
"Why is she in England?" Was this a trick?
"...Because she has family ther-" Nathaniel's cheek stung. He barely held in his whimper of pain from the slap.
"She has family here, try again." Nathaniel's head started spinning trying to find the right answer, going in circles and circles and coming up empty. Nathaniel faintly remembered Mary and Nathan screaming at each other over her brother, Neil's uncle, Stuart Hatford the other day.
"Becau- Because of her brother?" The answer must have appealed to Nathan since he grinned a sickening smile.
"Yes, because of the Hartfords," He said the name like it was a curse or a piece of trash. "They want Mary to move back to England which won't happen," Nathaniel stopped breathing. His mom wouldn't leave him here alone. She can't be gone forever, could she? Lola came over twirling a knife in her hands. "Listen to me closely, son, you are a Wesininski. Not a Hatford, not a Moriyama, you have Wesininski blood running through your veins,"
Neil nodded frantically as he stared daggers at Lola's knife as it was transferred into his father's hand.
"You belong here and to me, just as your mother does and I don't want you to ever forget that," Nathan walked towards with the knife outstretched and Nathaniel flinched and shut his eyes until he realized he didn't feel anything. Nathan was holding the knife outwards, offering it to Nathaniel. Hesitatingly, he did so as he did in Lola's neverending lessons.
Lola called something to someone but Nathaniel couldn't hear over the blood rushing through his ears at having this weapon placed in his hands.
"Kill it," He heard through the overstimulation. Nathaniel refocused his gaze and his deathly, panic-ridden grip on the knife loosened drastically.
It was Charlie. Charlie, the dog he'd asked his mom for last year only to get declined harshly with a slap across the face. The dog his father had gotten him as a present that gave him hope. The dog he was now asking Nathaniel to kill. When Nathan kills, he butchers and now he's asking Nathaniel to do the same thing.
He knew what would happen if he refused and he was terrified. Lola and Nathan would enjoy doing the same things to him as they wanted Nathaniel to do to Charlie. He knew it would be better to kill the dog and he knew it was what his mom would want him to do.
His hand was shaking around the knife as he stared at Charlie who was tied up but he didn't move forwards at all.
All he had to do was butcher it and he would be safe. He wouldn't have to worry about bleeding out on this very floor without his mom being here to patch him up.
Despite his rational side, Nathaniel shook his head and dropped the knife with the loudest clang he's ever heard breaking the silence.
"N-no," He told his father for one of the first and hopefully last times. Once he opened his mouth, he couldn’t stop more words from flowing out. “No, I can’t. Please don’t do thi-” His face stung.
“Try again, Nathaniel. This is your last chance,” His fathers cold voice slid through his ear and it was like a mantra was playing in his voice. All his could hear was ‘no no no’ like it was bold and bleeding. Nathaniel stared at the knife he’d dropped at his feet, imagining it killing Charlie, slicing and severing and desecrating his body and-
“NO- no I- I can’t. I won’t do this,” Nathaniel was crying now, which wasn’t allowed. He heard heels behind him and turned quickly towards the noise, backing away at the same time. He’d stepped on the fallen knife wrong and fell on his ass, now staring up as Lola approached him. It was like a lion prancing up to a wounded gazelle.
A predator and it’s prey.
“Oh, junior,” She crooned with mocking sympathy in her voice. She caressed his cheek like his mom used to when he cried but it gave him no comfort. Her red nails dug into his cheek and his father just watched on. “You had one job,” The gleam of a knife in her other hand stilled him from flinching away.
Lola’s piercing eyes looked away from his and to his fathers. Not daring to look away from the immediate threat, Nathaniel saw Nathan nod from the corner of his eye.
The grin Lola gave him still haunts him to this day.
“Let’s have some fun, Nathaniel,”
Nathaniel did not have fun.
Lola started with his stomach, never one to touch any visible skin as it’s too hard to hide. The cool press of the knife was so familiar that he wanted to throw up.
She played around with the cool object letting it just barely graze his skin, not yet cutting. The promise of future pain already had some of his old scars aching. Lola smiled too close to his face, teeth were too white to be natural, and the cut into him like cake.
Nathaniel’s screams were not heard and if they were he couldn’t tell. The pain blurred everything after the first few cuts, his body and mind entirely focused on the knife, lola, and the white pain pain pain.
Lola didn’t seem to mind his screams, reveled in them, it seemed, since every time he screamed she sliced into him deeper.
Nathaniel heard someone distantly, telling him to kneel. He could barely tell. Lola ran her fingers through his hair, when she stopped eventually, as he bled out.
“You’re look just like you’re father, Junior, think of what you could have been. I’m doing thisto you because you couldn’t do what you were made to do,” Lola’s motherly tone was lost on him but her words cut deep. Why couldn’t he have just killed Charlie if he had just cut the stupid dog-
Nathaniel started crying even harder, his mind sounding too much like his father. He shut his eyes tightly, trying to imagine he was anywhere else right now. Wishing his mom was here with him, that he was with her and her family instead.
The chill of metal wiped the tear on his left cheek away.
“A waste of a Wesiniski,” And then the pain came back. His voice was sore now.
The faint voice called out to him again. Why is he being told to kneel when he’s already at his lowest?
Nathaniel finally could hear Charlie, barking and whining as best he could with the muzzle on his face. If only he hadn’t looked since Lola followed his gaze. She stuck the knife back into him, as if he were some pin cushion, and took out a new one as she approached Charlie.
No…
“Wait,” he called out weakly. “Please, don’t do this, Lola!” His voice was hoarse from screaming his lungs out but he kept begging her, not willing to see what she was surely about to do. “Charlie!”
Right before the knife touched Charlie, he felt unrecognizable contact on his skin. He lashed on in instinct, ignoring the cuts covering his body. He had to get to Charlie- He had to, had to…
Each phantom hand on him he shook off violently, his mind on getting to Lola before the inevitable happened. He had to stop her, he-
Nathaniel heard his name be called out, loud and clear. Not Nathaniel but the name only his mom called him, his reprieve.
“Abram, wake up,”
Nathaniel woke up with a start, leaning into himself and instinctively clutching his stomach because he still felt the lingering scars Lola left on his body. Immediately, he realized he was no longer in his father’s basement and forced himself to breathe evenly before he took in his surroundings.
As he calmed down, he could finally hear the barrage of voices surrounding him.
“Neil,” they called him. “Are you okay?!” Nicky, that was Nicky’s voice. He was with the foxes, he was safe, Lola was gone and his father dead. It had just been a nightmare.
He recognized Andrew’s hand on the back of his neck and wondered how long it had been there before he noticed.
“Talk to us, Neil,” Dan.
“Give him some space, guys,” Matt.
Neil took in a deep breath and finally looked up from where his head was in his knees.
The entire bus was surrounding him in some way, Kevin, Aaron, and Nicky on the seat in front of them likely sitting on their knees to look over at him. The upperclassmen were all in the aisle, hands reached between themselves and Neil as if they were scared to do more but still wanted to. The freshmen were no where to be seen, probably still at the front of the bus that he is now realizing stopped moving.
He glanced at the seat behind him to see Wymack and Abby hovering, faces concerned. Their presence behind him did not ease his fears in the least but he tried not to let it show.
“I’m sor-” The hand on his neck tightened as noises of distress rose amongst the bus. Neil turned to Andrew and finally found the comfort he didn’t know he was looking for in his apathy laced concern. Neil felt his eyes and realized he had been crying and hastily began wiping them off.
The new silence of the bus was uncomfortable but it broke too soon.
“Are you alright, Neil?” Renee hesitantly asked, as if she already knew the answer.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I didn’t mean to-” Once again, he was cut off with protests.
“Quit the bull, Neil, you scared the shit out of us!” Nicky’s voice broke through the noise like lightning. Neil looked up, shocked to see that Nicky was crying too. “When you started screaming we tried to wake you up but, but you just kepting screaming and then you started crying. We tried to shake you awake but you were like attacking everyone who got close, Andrew too, and- and-” Nicky didn’t finish before he started crying even harder. Renee rubbed at Nickys back comfortingly.
No wonder Neils throat still hurt even though he’s awake now.
Matt nodded imploringly, eyes shiny.
“Do you want to talk about it,” Neil didn’t have to think about anything before he shook his head. He was about to respond before he heard Jack’s whiny voice from the front of the bus, getting closer.
“Don’t you think you deserve us some explanation? You made us stop the bus to wake you up because of some dream, the least you could do was tell us what it was?” Kevin slapped Jack’s head down before anymore bs could spill from his lips.
“2 marathons for that Jack, what the hell?” Wymacks voice came from above him, making him tense again. Jack waved extravagantly, as if they should be agreeing with him.
“He was screaming some shit about a Charlie and some Lola girl. He’s crazy,” The hand at Neil’s neck left, leaving him feeling vulnerable, and Andrew was on his feet pointing his knife at Jack who stared back warily.
“We’re 30 minutes from campus, Jack, walk home,” Dan’s authoritative voice rung through the bus.
“What the fuck?? No,”
“Neil managed to get from Columbia back within a day if some ‘crazy’ guy can do it then you should be able to, too, huh?” Kevin interjected. Jack stalled as best he could without looking stupid but ended up trying to save his dignity. He left the bus finally with his shit and Neil had had enough. He just wanted to get home.
Sadly, his teammates were still worked up.
“Can we just get home? It won’t happen again, I promise,” Neil rubbed at his eyes tiredly and watched as everyone sort of retreated away, sitting slightly closer than they originally had. He heard them whispering, caught Bee's name, then decided he didn't want to hear them talk about him. Neil slid down the crappy bus seat and looked up at Andrew, who was analyzing his face at the same time.
Neil didn’t wait for Andrew to break the silence.
“Thank you,” He didn’t miss the way Andrew tensed like he always did now when Neil thanked him. “For waking me up,”
Andrew blinked at him slowly and Neil let him stare and gather his thoughts.
“I’m taking a turn,” He said, and didn’t elaborate. The truth he wanted evident. Neil sighed and leaned back into the seat, trying not to think too deeply about what he just relived.
“Back when I was eight or so, I had this dog named Charlie. He wanted me to kill it but I, I just couldn’t,” Neil let out a humorless laugh. “So he had Lola damage me instead. You woke me up before she got to Charlie too,” Andrew took the condensed version in stride, only playing with the strings on his armband.
“What happened to the dog?” Neil shut his eyes tightly.
In the end, Neil had woken up, bleeding and bruised, next to the butchered body of Charlie that he had to bury alone once he could move again.
“Lola got to him,” He admitted.
“Yes or no, Neil,”
“Yes,” he answered simply.
He felt Andrew’s hand snake into his and their fingers intertwine. He could deal with the memories, his team, Jack, and Charlie later. Now, Neil just squeezed his hand tightly and relished in this feeling for the rest of the ride back to Palmetto, back home.