Chapter Text
“I think you need to sit down for this.” Costia stands in Lexa’s living room, Lexa could only search her brown eyes for an explanation for her sudden behavior.
Lexa was up all night; she still has not had any sleep at all. She was working on the fourth installment of her book series; it is about a young adult fiction about the dystopian future, chronicling the love of a human and a bionic person in a world when everyone is suffering from radiation sickness. Their love becomes a sliver of light in the post-apocalyptic world. She was in good spirits that morning, better than any other sleepless nights. She was gaining momentum and she felt like she would be beating her deadline that her publisher would be so proud of her. Everything was running smoothly until Costia arrived with a worried look and cryptic verses.
“Is something wrong? Is someone sick? Are you sick?” Lexa immediately bolted from her desk, her laptop computer left open. She was still in her grey sweat pants, maroon Arkadia University sweater, and her hair in a messy bun with a pencil stuck out of her left ear and her eyeglasses looked askew.
Costia shook her head side to side, she pursed her lips, Lexa could sense that something was not right. It seemed like Costia just left the set, she had a white V-neck t-shirt and a black leather jacket over it, a pair of black denims, and boots and she used her sunglasses as a headband to tame her brown mane. Costia is a TV actor; her crime drama has been a hit in primetime TV. She radiated with her olive skin tone, whereas Lexa was already looking quite grey after being cooped up for days indoors.
“What is it, Cos?” Lexa moved closer, she attempted to hug Costia but Costia evaded her extended arms and started to sob.
“I need to tell you…” Costia whispered in shallow breaths, she looked like she was having a panic attack. “I don’t know how to say this.”
Lexa suddenly had an awful feeling at the pit of her stomach. She felt like all the bile had just went up to her throat. “You’re not breaking up with me are you?” Lexa muttered in disbelief, her green eyes went wide; her spectacles hid the actual expression in her eyes.
Costia nodded this time. Lexa was dumbstruck, she could not move. “Are you serious?” Lexa could not believe what is happening. “Is there someone else?” She turned to Costia.
Costia shook her head side to side but did not say a word.
“Costia, is there someone else?” Lexa asked again.
Costia nodded this time. “But it’s not what you think, Lex.” Costia approached her.
“What am I thinking, Cos?” Lexa was fuming now. “Tell me, what you think I’m thinking of.”
“That I cheated.” Costia answered in a broken tone.
“Did you?” Lexa furrowed her brows, this is not happening.
“I tried so hard, Lex.” Costia came closer now.
“No, you did not answer my question.” Lexa stopped her from coming close. “Who?” Lexa turned to Costia once again.
“Does it matter?” Costia retorted.
“Of course it matters! Three years of our lives, down the drain. I would like to know what I did wrong!” Lexa voice was getting louder now. She could not describe what she was feeling right now, pain, anger, frustration, disappointment; all rolled into one massive pain in the gut.
“You were not seeing me anymore, Lex. Everything revolved around your desk. If you’re around, you’re so doting that I could not even breathe!” Costia reasoned. She was in tears.
“This desk is my job, Cos. I dote because I love you! Is that a crime?” Lexa could not really understand the problem.
“I don’t really know when it started exactly, Lex. But just like that, you faded. You were gone into your own world. In your mind, you think you did your best but you have to admit that you don’t see me anymore.” Costia pointed out.
“So, instead of talking to me, you decided to run away with someone else?” Lexa conjectured.
“You never even noticed that I was gone.” Costia scoffed.
“Can we talk about this and sit down for a second?” Lexa tried to be calmer.
“This has been going on for a year, Lex. I could not hurt you more than I already had.” Costia declared.
Lexa could only give her the most incredulous look.
“Can we make this less painful than it already is?” Costia reached out for Lexa’s hand but she recoiled.
“That’s why it is called a break-up, Cos. We have come apart, pain is inevitable.” Lexa accepted her defeat.
A week later…
What is the word? Quixotic: exceedingly idealistic, unrealistic, and impractical, that is how Lexa Woods describes herself now. She had been wallowing in pain, drinking the days away. Bottles of gin and vodka lined up on her kitchen countertop. She thought her future with Costia was full of promise; a villa near the beach, perhaps a cat or a dog or both, working holidays around each other’s schedules and just like that, it all dissipated into thin air. Costia is warm in somebody’s bed now.
“Lexa! Open up!” There was insistent knocking on Lexa’s front door and she knew who it was.
Lexa was in the same clothing ensemble that she was a week ago, a t-shirt and sweat pants. But this time, her hair was more unruly, her eyes had dark circles around them, and showering was no longer a priority. All the blinds in her apartment were down; it was an abyss of disarray. Boxes of Chinese takeaways overflowed from the bin, her refrigerator was empty, and books and notes were all over the place. Her computer laid coolly on her desk, gathering dust.
The banging was unrelenting; Lexa had a headache. So, she stumbled several times until she was able to open the door to a fuming brunette.
“What the crazy hell is up with you, girl?” The brunette eyed Lexa from head to toe. Lexa squinted as sunlight entered the apartment as soon as she opened the door.
“Hello, Raven.” Lexa mumbled as she headed towards her bedroom.
“Oh no, you don’t.” Raven grabbed her by the shoulders. “Go take a shower, you stink.” Raven directed her towards the bathroom. “Actually, your entire apartment stinks!”
“Let me rot, then.” Lexa struggled weakly.
“Look, Lex.” Raven turned Lexa towards her; they were eye to eye now. “Lexa Woods had her heart broken a week ago but Heda Hedwig still has a deadline with her publisher.” Raven was referring to Lexa’s nom de plume. It’s quite redundant but it’s catchy and Heda Hedwig’s Ark of Darkness series has become the latest pop culture phenomena amongst teens. “Your readers are waiting, Lex.”
“My readers are waiting for me to take a shower?” Lexa jested.
“Very funny, Heda. But as your agent, I am here to make sure that you meet your deadline and your editor won’t kill you!” Raven urged.
“I can’t even lift my pen, Rae.” Lexa sighed.
“You don’t need a pen, Lex. Start typing away in your computer, that’s what it is for.” Raven wisecracked.
“She cheated on me with her director, you know?” Lexa scoffed.
“Wait, how did you find out?” Raven gathered, her expression softened.
“I may have placed myself under a rock for a week but I have a television set, you know? Plus, it’s everywhere, even in the tabloids. Headline: Costia Greene is now cozy with director, Luna Rivera. Three-year relationship with author just ended!” Lexa remarks with a talk show host tone.
“Look, Lex, I know it sucks but you have to move on from this. I’m not just saying this as your agent; I’m also saying this as your sister-in-law.” Raven huffed.
“So, the publisher did not send you? Anya did?” Lexa pressed.
“Just quit being a smart ass for a second and listen, okay? Can you do that for me?” Raven puffed.
Lexa nodded, raising both her arms in defeat.
“Look, I can always bend your deadline to a certain extent. This environment is not good for your head, all the gossip, all the memories in this place. You’ll never finish anything, you’ll never move on. Take a break, Lex. Go away for some time; take your manuscript with you. Just breathe for a second.” Raven advised.
“Where should I go, Rae?” Lexa crossed her arms over her chest.
“You always wanted to go to Bora Bora but you never had the chance.” Raven wiggled her eyebrows.
Two days later, Lexa arrived in Korupe Resort and Spa in Bora Bora. The weather was warm and sunny and Lexa’s skin started to gain color.
“So, you’ll be staying with us for a week, Ms. Woods?” The cheery receptionist greeted her.
“Yes,” Lexa answered concisely and she handed some documents to the receptionist. She had long thick black hair, big expressive brown eyes, and sun-kissed skin.
“So, I am Octavia, you can call me anytime from your bungalow. You’ll be staying at the Hautau, this is one of our overwater bungalows with a portion of a glass floor, so you can see the crystal blue waters below you. It also has a deck, so you can view the ocean at will. It is safe to swim beneath your bungalow but make sure that you are within the safe zone demarcated by our buoys. But don’t worry, security measures are always in place, you won’t even notice it.” Octavia grinned.
“Oh, you shouldn’t worry about it, I’m not really gonna spend most of my time swimming. I just need to clear my head.” Lexa made a coy smile.
“I see, every guest to their own comfort. But if you’re interested with activities within the island, just let me know. The bar is open 24/7 and just give us a ring for any of the services we offer.” Octavia explained. “Lincoln here will take you to your bungalow.” A broad-shouldered man in a colorful shirt and khaki shorts approached Lexa. Lexa noticed an intricate patterned tattoo that flowed from his bicep to his forearm as he lifted her bags.
“This way please, madam.” Lincoln was quiet as they exited the reception hall. Then, several meters across the hall were several bungalows and some of them were indeed overwater. Lexa marveled at the blueness of the ocean and the sky, they looked so vast and limitless. Perhaps Raven was right; this is the break that she needed.
Lincoln led her to her villa, it had a massive king-sized bed, a comfortable-looking couch and accent chair, and an oval-shaped coffee table was planted on top of the glass floor, it looked like a fish above water. There was a desk and lots of closet space and a massive television set. The ceiling was high in an A-frame cladded with bamboo in chevron pattern. The balcony had two lounge chairs with the view of the ocean. It cost her a fortune but this indeed is a much needed break.
“Enjoy your stay, Ms. Woods.” Lincoln was about to bade Lexa farewell when the brunette stopped him in his tracks.
“Hey, Lincoln, are there any bars here?” Lexa inquired. She might as well indulge herself at this point.
“The bar is open 24/7, Ms. Woods.” Lincoln informed.
“I don’t really like spending most of my time with retirees and playboys, if you know what I mean. Where do locals go for a good night out?” Lexa clarified.
“I know what you mean,” Lincoln grinned. “There are some places.”
“LGBT-friendly?” Lexa knew that she was aiming high but it doesn’t hurt to ask.
“Most places are but there’s this one place in particular,” Lincoln beamed. “Let me draw you a map but Octavia and I can take you later.”
“So, your friend owns this place?” Lexa asked. Lincoln and Octavia brought Lexa to a charming little bar already quite near the small villages. The bar was called Aita pe’a pe’a, which according to Lincoln only means “no problem” in Tahiti. There was a small faded rainbow flag behind the bar. There were heavy wooden chairs and tables all around, the semi-circular bar was brightly lit, and in a small stage was a man and his guitar in the midst of a performance. The place was filled with locals and a few tourists, people were talking loudly, laughing, engaging. It has been a while since Lexa has been to a bar. She was dressed in a summer linen long-sleeved shirt with a few buttons popped open and the sleeves folded to her elbow, distressed pair of jeans and flip-flops.
“What can I get you ladies?” Lincoln asked Lexa and Octavia.
“A whiskey sour if they have it, thank you.” Lexa replied.
“A beer for me, IPA if Clarke still has those.” Octavia shouted after Lincoln.
Lexa found out during the evening that Lincoln and Octavia were engaged and that Octavia’s family owned the spa resort but she liked to stay at the front of the house, keeping tabs of everything. Lincoln was usually there to help out and show the guests around the island. Octavia’s older brother manages all the other businesses of the family within the island.
“Look, who’s still sober at ten o’clock.” Lincoln was back with their drinks and a blonde a trailing behind him. Lexa was mesmerized at first glance; her eyes were as blue as the ocean and her hair as radiant as the sands. She was wearing a red camisole tank top and cut off shorts, she was barefoot.
“Hey, you didn’t tell me that you guys had a guest.” The blonde was eyeing Lexa.
“She’s a guest at the resort; we are just showing her around. Lexa Woods meet Clarke Griffin, bar owner.” Octavia introduced.
“Hi, Lexa, tourist.” Lexa extended her hand apprehensively.
“Clarke, with an ‘e’.” The blonde smiled, she had a firm grip but soft hands.
“Like Sir Arthur Charles Clarke?” Lexa looked amused.
“Well, you do know your science-fiction, my dad was into that.” Clarke grinned. “So, what brings you to this side of the hemisphere?”
“Uhm, it is…a long story.” Lexa stuttered.
“That’s fine; I have all the time in the world.” Clarke grinned.
Lincoln and Octavia exchanged knowing looks.
As the night got deeper, the bar became livelier. People were already in the dance floor with Lincoln and Octavia in the middle of it all. Lexa and Clarke remained at their table, their conversation getting deeper as well.
“You haven’t really answered my question, what brought you here?” Clarke probed.
“Like I’ve said, I’m a tourist.” Lexa grinned; she was already in her fifth drink.
“Bullshit, Lex!” Clarke remarked, she had a few drinks in her system as well. “I’ve been here for a decade now, I know tourists. You have couples on their honeymoon, retirees, retirees with young brides, adulterers, drifters, tramps, you name them, I’ve seen it all. But you, you’re alone and you are decent enough to be alone.” Clarke slurred.
“Alright, alright,” Lexa was amazed at how the blonde could easily disarm her. After all, it’s just a week in this island, no harm talking to strangers. “I’m an escapist.”
Clarke’s expression softened. “What are you escaping from or maybe who?” Clarke took a swig of her beer.
“A three-year old relationship, just down the drain.” Lexa puffed.
“It was sudden, huh?” Clarke muttered, she looked more sober at this point.
“Just like a bullet through my heart. You never really feel it because it happens so fast but then you’re numb, you’re dead.” Lexa pounded on her chest. “I was too busy working not to notice that she was already banging her co-worker for a year.”
“That’s harsh!” Clarke exclaimed. “Wow, a year!” Clarke realized.
“I know, right. I was just oblivious and stupid. Serves me right being cooped up in my apartment writing all the time. Maybe she was right, half of the time I was in some fantasy-world.” Lexa scoffed.
“Wait, what? You’re a writer? What do you write? Anything I know?” Clarke suddenly got excited.
“It’s for kids, I’m sure you’re not into that stuff.” Lexa chuckled.
“Try me,” Clarke dared. “Half of my life in this island I have spent reading.”
“Ark of Darkness.” Lexa whispered.
Clarke’s eyes lit up. “No way! Heda Hedwig? I’m actually having drinks with Hedwig? You should sign my shirt.”
“You read my stuff?” Lexa was caught dumbfounded. “I can give you a signed copy, Clarke. No need to ruin a shirt.”
“Look, there’s not a lot of lesbian or pansexual fiction out there, so, I read what I can. Plus, it’s for young adults, not kids.” Clarke corrected.
Lexa could only smile. Not because Clarke reads her books, well, partly because of that but Clarke emphasized that she was into lesbian fiction. There you go again, Lexa, putting your guard down, you just met this girl, she scolded herself internally.
“I cater to an eighteen to twenty-two year old demographic.” Lexa remarked.
“Ouch! How dare you scorn a fan? Even if I am in my mid-twenties, you don’t have the right say that.” Clarke jested.
“Really? Mid-twenties? I’m thirty-three, Clarke.” Lexa bantered.
“And Jesus saved the world from their sins at that age, what have you done Heda?” Clarke quipped.
“I’m inspiring a generation.” Lexa pronounced nonchalantly.
Clarke just beamed at her. “You’re full of crap Hedwig! I’m in my mid-thirties, alright, thirty-five,” She shoved her lightly. “So, what’s gonna happen at the Valley of Eyes?” Clarke was fishing for details.
“The next installment is still pending because Hedwig got her heart broken.” Lexa was sullen once again.
“So, that’s why you are here.” Clarke realized.
“Don’t worry; I’ll get my head straight soon.” Lexa pronounced.
“We wouldn’t want that, would we? For you to be straight?” There was a hint of flirtation in Clarke’s tone.
“Not like that,” Lexa smirked. “You know what I mean.”
“Well, there’s plenty of fish in this ocean.” Clarke winked.
“Speaking of fish, you seem to be a fish out of water. Where are you originally from, Clarke?” Lexa wondered.
“Arkadia,” Clarke replied.
Lexa could not help but smile at that fact. “But you’ve decided to settle here?”
“Well, it’s just a long time ago; I followed my heart to this island. I fell for a boy and then we fell out of it and soon enough, I fell in love with the island.” Clarke explained. “I co-own this place with Octavia’s brother, the split was amicable, and so we are still friends. We’re business partners now.”
“That’s interesting…” Lexa noted.
“What is?” Clarke captured Lexa’s gaze once again.
“To be friends with your ex.” Lexa raised.
“Oh, trust me; it was a showdown, Lex. You should have seen us before; we almost divided the island into half. But Bellamy and I are fine now, he moved on with this supermodel. I moved on with, er, people.” Clarke took another swig of her beer.
“With people? How do you move on with people, Clarke?” Lexa chuckled.
“Want me to show you, Lex?” Clarke hummed and at that very moment, Lexa knew that she was in deep trouble.
Clarke bounced on top of her; Lexa was two-fingers deep within Clarke. They were on their third round for the night and it was almost dawn. Clarke’s breaths were becoming shallower and Lexa knows that she was near. Lexa moved her thumb towards Clarke’s clit and the blonde gasped at the contact, her other hand held firmly onto Clarke’s waist. Both of Clarke’s hands were palming her breasts. Soon enough, the blonde’s movements became less coordinated and with a loud yelp, Lexa felt liquid pool below her stomach, above her pelvic bone.
“Oh my God, I just did it with Heda Hedwig.” Clarke collapsed beside Lexa.
Lexa enveloped her in a sweaty embrace and a deep kiss. “You keep saying that all night, I’m starting to think that you just want me for my popularity.”
“It’s like every fangirl’s wet dream.” Clarke smiled to herself.
“You had a wet dream about me before, Clarke?” Lexa chuckled.
“Don’t be smug about it! You inject some pretty explicit stuff you know and now I know that everything just doesn’t come from your imagination.” Clarke poked her shoulder. They were now entangled in a sea of blankets and pillows in Lexa’s king-sized bed. The fresh sheets were now soiled of sweat and sex. “Wow! I can’t get over it. I just did it with Heda Hedwig.” Clarke chanted again.
They were both silent for a while, looking at the ceiling as if it was the most interesting thing there is.
“So, you won’t really tell me what’s going to happen at the Valley of Eyes? Will Alessia and Naila survive it?” Clarke suddenly blurted out; she was referring to the main characters in Lexa’s book.
“I told you, I’m not telling you anything.” Lexa chuckled at Clarke’s persistence.
“Alright then, say goodbye to the greatest sexual encounter of your life!” Clarke teased threatening to get out of bed as she wiggled out of the covers.
“Is this a threat?” Lexa jolted up and playfully pinned Clarke down.
“Just when I thought sleeping with the author would get me ahead.” Clarke badgered, leaving a soft peck on the tip of Lexa’s nose. “Maybe I should change my strategy.”
“I don’t think you’re capable of pulling off an Annie Wilkes.” Lexa chortled.
“So, you like it rough, huh?” Clarke flashed a seductive smile.
“You know your Stephen King novels, huh?” Lexa looked pleased. “But I would do like to keep my limbs.”
“I told you just because I got beach hair doesn’t mean I’m illiterate.” Clarke retorted.
“But you’re right about one thing Clarke.” Lexa started to pepper Clarke’s neck with kisses.
“About what?” Clarke mustered a response while being distracted with Lexa’s kisses.
“You have been the greatest sexual encounter of my life.” Lexa whispered to her ear.
“Well, Heda, you have seen nothing yet!” On that note, Clarke switched their positions and gave Lexa a fiery look, she was like a lioness who was about to pounce on her prey.
Clarke soon engulfed Lexa in a searing kiss; it was powerful and full of yearning. They continued pleasing each other until the sun had emerged on the horizon.
“There’s something calming about the ocean.” Lexa was snuggled to Clarke’s shoulder now, quite satiated, too weak to move. They were entwined skin to skin, their limbs twirled around each other, their hair cascaded on the pillows, a contrast of dark and light.
“Who do I have to thank?” Clarke muttered.
“Huh?” Lexa was confused.
“The woman who broke your heart and brought you here.” Clarke whispered to Lexa’s ear, she nibbled on her earlobe in the process.
“Costia Greene” Lexa sighed.
“That detective on TV?” Clarke raised an eyebrow. “Your ex-girlfriend is an actor?”
“Unfortunately,” Lexa groaned.
“I never could have guessed.” Clarke was in disbelief.
“Why so?” Lexa was intrigued by Clarke’s reaction.
“I don’t know, well, I don’t know her but it just feels like you two are very different people.” Clarke was drawing circles with her finger on Lexa’s collarbone.
“Well, we are, as most people say. But she was different before TV. She was a struggling actress, I was struggling, too.” Lexa hummed.
“She shouldn’t have hurt you.” Clarke stated.
“It was bound to happen. I mean look at us, we both experienced hurt, probably, so we can be better for the next person. After all, we are quite daring now. I have never slept with anyone after knowing them for one night.” Lexa spelled out.
“Well, I couldn’t say the same thing for myself, but all I can say is that I have never been captivated by someone so fast.” Clarke admitted.
“Are you sure it’s not just the fangirl talking again?” Lexa teased.
“You’re really so full of yourself, Woods.” Clarke slapped Lexa on the buttocks.
“Hey, I had my share of indecent proposals.” Lexa winked.
Suddenly there was this silence between them. Each one too afraid to disclose what was happening so fast.
“Will you still be here in the morning, Clarke?” Lexa looked at blue eyes.
“It’s already morning, Lex.” Clarke cupped Lexa’s chin and kissed her once again.
When Lexa woke up, it was already mid-afternoon. Her head was throbbing and she could barely open her eyes. Bright light seeped through the windows but someone was kind enough to put down the shades. Then it occurred to her, I slept with someone! She noticed that the other side of the bed was already cold and her naked form was wrapped in a blanket like a burrito. Lexa jolted upright, she then began to ask herself, did I imagine it? Was Clarke real? Lexa couldn’t feel her muscles, she had never felt this sore before. No, she didn’t imagine it, everything felt too real. But where was Clarke? Why was she alone?
Lexa got up and found a clean fluffy robe inside the closet. She put it on and started to walk around the room. That’s when she noticed that there was a tray of food and coffee by the breakfast nook. There was a plate of fruits and a savory crepe. Beside it was a glass of water and two tablets of ibuprofen. There was a small note under the glass of water; I got you breakfast and something for the headaches and all the other aches. I didn’t want to wake you, you were so peaceful. Just needed to check on some things at work. See you at the bar later. C.
Lexa smiled at the note, so, Clarke was real and she wasn’t just imagining things. Maybe Raven was right all along, she just needs some rest and recreation. Lexa decided to have breakfast and take a quick shower. She then brought her laptop to the balcony. She reclined on the lounge chair and started typing on her computer. Surreal: the disorienting, hallucinatory quality of a dream; unreal; fantastic, that is what Lexa is feeling right now. She did not notice that it was already time to meet Clarke until the skies had already darkened in hue.
Lexa put on a navy summer dress with white floral prints, she felt like dressing dainty for Clarke tonight. She wore a pair of flat strappy sandals, her feet sunk into the warm sand while she walked. She tried to find Aita pe’a pe’a on her own, too embarrassed to ask Lincoln or Octavia for directions once again. But who was she fooling, once housekeeping takes note of how soiled her sheets were last night, Lincoln or Octavia may immediately find out anyway.
With the help of a few locals, Lexa was able to reach Aita pe’a pe’a in one piece. She smirked as she saw the familiar façade. However, as she got closer she realized that the bar seemed to more packed and the music coming from inside seems to be a little bit louder. It looked like a different bar from what she went to last night.
“Hey, what’s up tonight?” Lexa just coolly asked a passer-by carrying drinks back to his table.
“Oh, it’s just casual karaoke night.” The man replied. “But wait till midnight, things will get a little more interesting.” He winked and went on his way.
Then Lexa grasped what the patron meant. As she looked at the stage where the somber guitar player used to play a night ago, there was a stool and a projector screen. A floppy-haired man with a long stubble wearing a black muscle shirt and tight pants stood at the stage.
“Allow me dedicate this song to the one and only Clarke Griffin!” The man pointed at the bar. Clarke was standing behind the counter; she was helping their bartender pour drinks. She paused for a while and looked at the man who had just caught her attention. Clarke gave a curt wave as the crowd cheered. She was wearing a black vintage muscle cut stringer and a maroon bandeau underneath, her distressed denim shorts seem to be barely seen. Lexa wondered who this man was to Clarke and why he was devoting a song to her. Was Clarke fooling around with a different person every night? Was Lexa wrong to think that they had something special going on? Get a grip, Lexa, you had just met her last night, she chastised herself. She was just excited because she read your books, that’s all. Maybe you were just part of some bucket list.
“Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling. Do you feel my heart beating? Do you understand?” The man began to sing as he was maintaining eye contact with Clarke; Clarke just smirked at him.
“Do you feel the same? Am I only dreaming? Is this burning an eternal flame?” The man continued. Lexa thought that this was the cheesiest song. But what was the story behind it? She could not help but feel awkward at the moment. She felt her stomach churn and bile starting to rise up. She knew this feeling very well, the uncomfortable warmth, her sweaty palms, and the urge to heave. Was she jealous of someone she doesn’t even know?
“I believe it's meant to be, darling. I watch you when you are sleeping. You belong with me. Do you feel the same?” The man sang louder and the crowd started to cheer again. Lexa felt so out of place, Clarke felt so far away. It felt like everyone in the room knew everyone else except for her.
“Am I only dreaming? Or is this burning an eternal flame?” The man continued to croon. He didn’t have the best voice, it was decent enough but he exuded confidence.
“Say my name, sun shines through the rain. A whole life so lonely. And then come and ease the pain.” He belted out more and the crowd went wild.
Lexa could not take it much longer. It felt like an out of body experience, as if she was a spectator and nobody was seeing her, not even Clarke. Clarke’s eyes were fixed on the man on stage and she seemed unaware of Lexa’s presence just several meters away from her.
“I don't want to lose this feeling, oh…” On that note, Lexa left the bar and headed back to her bungalow without looking back.
“So, where is this hotshot author that you wanted me to meet?” Bellamy was seated at the bar counter pestering Clarke.
Clarke was already cleaning glasses, the karaoke-wild disco night had already ended and the place was almost empty. Clarke just sighed and remained quiet; she had this disappointed look painted on her face all night. Didn’t Lexa get her note? Did Lexa think that she left without saying anything? Didn’t she see the breakfast she ordered for her? Or maybe Lexa didn’t care at all. Maybe she was just up for random one-night stands pretending that she was someone famous to get in the pants of fan girls. Clarke felt stupid; she was too old to be tricked.
“I saw her leave her bungalow early this evening, I thought she was heading this way.” Lincoln muttered as he took a swig of his beer.
“By the looks of how soiled your sheets were, I was thinking she would be back for more.” Octavia jested.
Clarke threw a dishcloth at her.
“Hey, housekeeping complained about it.” Octavia huffed playfully, throwing the dishcloth back to Clarke.
“Do you think I scared her away? I was probably such a fan girl! She probably thinks I’m petty now. Was the breakfast too much? Should I have waited until she woke up? Is she really who she says she is?” Clarke’s thoughts just dribbled out.
“Hey, hey, relax, girl. If you’re night was unforgettable as it sounds, I’m sure she has a reason.” Bellamy remarked. “I mean she probably got food poisoning or something, did you tell her not to eat at El Loco Loco, the food is worse as it sounds.”
“She’s legit, Clarke, she’s Heda Hedwig, her account is linked to Grounder Publishing, I confirmed her booking.” Octavia noted.
“Maybe she did came over and karaoke night was not her thing.” Lincoln assumed.
“Were you singing again?” Octavia elbowed her brother.
“Casual karaoke and disco night was my idea, I deserve opening act.” Bellamy professed.
“So, it was Bellamy’s singing then!” Lincoln declared and boy, was he so right.
Lexa woke up so early that she had finished several chapters of her book before sunrise. Actually, she did not have any sleep at all, sleep was a just a two-hour break from the moment she entered her bungalow and opened her laptop. She was glad that she got back to a newly vacuumed room and freshly changed sheets; there was no nagging reminder of her night with Clarke, whatsoever.
Writing had been helpful, though she realized that the chapters she wrote simply revolved around the complication in the relationship of her two heroes. Talk about how fiction mimics reality. After what happened with Costia and her current disillusionment with Clarke, she realized how angsty those chapters had gotten. But it was what she was feeling right now, life imitates art and vice versa, she’ll just probably think about edits later on.
As soon as she finished her notes for the next few chapters, Lexa thought about sleeping for a while. It was such a waste not to spend another sunny day exploring the island but she did what she came here for. After all, it wasn’t much of a vacation, it was just a change of pace to get her in progress again and meeting Clarke had probably helped her kick start things. It was just probably the way it is, she’s stuck with her notes and writing and life will just pass her by just throwing a few bits and pieces here and there. But before Lexa could plop back to bed, the intercom started ringing. Lexa hesitated to pick it up, she didn’t order anything, she certainly did not need anything, why were they calling? She felt kind of anti-social for a while but she debated with herself, what if there was an emergency? Anything can happen in the French Polynesia; she looked outside, the weather seems sunny, surely, there won’t be a storm surge or a volcano erupting at any moment. So, to calm her nerves, Lexa picked up at the next ring.
“Good Morning, Ms. Woods,” She recognized Octavia’s voice. “I’m sorry for calling you this early, hopefully, I didn’t wake you.”
“I’ve been awake for quite a while, it’s okay. Is something wrong?” Lexa’s tone was more business-like, after all, she was back to being a guest and Octavia was her host.
“Someone is here to see you at the lobby, should I send them up?” Octavia informed in a friendly manner.
Lexa furrowed her brows. Who could be here to see her this early during the day? Did Raven follow her to check up on her? “May I know who’s looking for me?”
“I think you know who.” Octavia was being cryptic.
Then, it dawned at Lexa. It must be Clarke. There was silence on her end of the line.
“She just has a few questions for you but she wants to ask herself. I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t intrude with your business but it is also our policy not to send guests of guests up to the bungalows unless they are authorized.” Octavia explained. “As a friend, I would like to do her a favor but as your host, I also respect your wishes. So, it’s either you meet them at the lobby, allow them to your bungalow or I can send them away. Totally up to you but I hope you don’t choose the latter.”
Lexa wasn’t the confrontational type. She actually felt petty now, how could she explain to Clarke that she went to the bar but decided to leave? She didn’t realize that Clarke would seek her out anyway. Now, she just feels stupid. Realizing that she doesn’t want to make a scene at the lobby, she replies to Octavia, “Please send her to my bungalow, thank you.”
Grasping that she was about to see Clarke again, Lexa rushed to the bathroom to fix her hair and made sure that she looked presentable. She was still wearing the same dress but her eye bags were starting to form from the lack of sleep making her look slightly like a raccoon. But she didn’t have enough time to do anything about it, there was a series of soft knocking at her door. Lexa walked slowly towards the door, forming some script inside her head. But as soon as she opened the door, all her thoughts drifted away.
“I just came to check on you.” Clarke was wearing the same clothes, too.
“Come in.” Lexa whispered giving way for Clarke.
“Sorry, I came straight from the bar; I have so much sand on my soles.” Clarke removed her sandals as she noticed how immaculately clean Lexa’s bungalow was once again.
“Don’t worry about it.” Lexa closed the door behind her. “So, what do I owe this pleasure?” Lexa stiffened again; it felt like Clarke was a stranger once again.
“Shit! Now, I feel stupid.” Clarke chastised herself. “I should never have came here.”
Lexa just gave her a confused look.
“Look, Lexa, I know you told me otherwise but I think you had been in this scenario a million times before. What I just want to say is that I’m not some crazed fan who’s hung up because I had an unbelievable phenomenal evening with an idol, believe me, I’m not. I don’t know if you saw my note, or whether I made the wrong move that just turned you off, I don’t really know what I did. But I promise, I won’t pester you nor will I follow you around in this island for as long as you are here. But I would just want to know one thing, what did I do wrong? What happened last night?” Clarke wondered, biting her lower lip. She bites her lip when she’s nervous.
There was an odd silence between them until Lexa started talking, “Those are two questions, Clarke. Should I only answer one?”
Clarke almost laughed at Lexa’s antics. “Oh my gosh, you really think I’m just silly, do you?”
“No, no, no,” Clarke was about to leave but Lexa instinctively stopped her with both hands on her arms. “I know it’s not funny, I shouldn’t be joking right now.” Lexa murmured realizing her mistake.
Clarke just raised her eyebrow at Lexa.
“Okay,” Lexa took a deep breath. “The truth is, Clarke, I am the most obstinate person that you might ever meet, I am very awkward in many situations. I don’t know how I even had girlfriends in the first place. I don’t usually like it when I am caught off guard and I’m also not the type to jump the gun right away, despite our circumstances. I can be calculating sometimes, rather too careful. I don’t like making a fool of myself like I am now, so usually I run before scenarios get really uncomfortable. Last night, I went to your bar, it was karaoke night or something and I guess I was just not ready for it. I don’t like being put on the spot either, so being alone for karaoke night just got into my nerves. I don’t like spotlights that’s why I have a pen name, so imagine how I would feel if ever I were pressed to perform on that tiny stage. I felt like a mouse with nowhere to run. When I saw that guy serenading you onstage, the confidence, the bravado. I don’t know who he was to you but I’m often fond of jumping into conclusions and realized that I can never be like that guy. Plus, everyone that night seemed to know everyone. I just felt lost, participatory theatre was never my cup of tea. Look, what I’m trying to say is that I just got so uncomfortable that I bolted.” Lexa finally ended her lengthy speech.
Clarke just fell silent trying to absorb everything that she had said.
“Can you please say something?” Lexa looked worried.
“Why didn’t you look for me?” Clarke slurred.
“I saw you, Clarke but you were in the spotlight.” Lexa confessed.
“Oh shit! It’s Bellamy and that song! I’m going to kill him!” Clarke realized. “It was too much isn’t it?”
“Bell…who?” Lexa was confused.
“Look, I’m terribly sorry not telling you about karaoke night. But Bellamy, my business partner orchestrates these gimmicks and the people love it. It’s some sort of a tradition for him to kick-off the evening. And the song! It was too much, was it?” Clarke tried to explain.
“Business partner…oh, that guy was your ex-boyfriend?” Lexa grasped.
“I told about him, remember? He does this performances to entertain people and to flatter me sometimes but that’s all there is, showmanship. Actually, I was excited to introduce you with each other; he seemed equally pumped as well.” Clarke clarified.
“Shit! Me and my assumptions, I’m so sorry for being such a downer Clarke. I haven’t really been confident with myself lately.” Lexa admitted.
“I can work with that. I’m also really sorry to assume that you were the play-it-by-ear type.” Clarke held on to Lexa’s hand.
“Can we start over? Can you pretend that I did not just make a fool out of myself?” Lexa smiled coyly.
“Of course,” On that note, Clarke dragged Lexa closer, holding on to her hips, engaging her in another stupefying kiss.
“How much time do we have, Lex?” Clarke whispered as she played with Lexa’s fingers. It was midday and they were still tangled in bed.
“I booked a week; I still have five more days left.” Lexa replied.
“I’m sorry; I talk like this is terminal.” Clarke chuckled softly to Lexa’s neck.
“Yeah, it does feel like it.” Lexa sighed.
“Oh c’mon, I’m sorry, it’s such a downer, I shouldn’t have asked.” Clarke realized.
“It’s okay; we know it’s inescapable anyway.” Lexa muttered.
“But you said you were an escapist, right?” Clarke taunted. “I say, let’s go escape together. What have we got to lose?”
Everything, Lexa thought silently.
So, the succeeding days in the island were spent in that manner. Clarke took a couple nights off from the bar, Bellamy was happy to let her. During daytime, Clarke would take Lexa around the island and do the usual touristy stuff; diving, snorkeling, island hopping, sampling local food. In the evening, they would either hang out with Bellamy, Octavia and Lincoln or just stay cuddled or have uninterrupted sex until sunrise. Lexa regretted her stasis and lack of exercise for the past couple of months. All their activities, the daytime and especially the nighttime had taken toll on her body. She ached in all the right places and she could not even wear bikinis without bothering to put waterproof-concealer, Clarke just marked her everywhere. Her body would have given up on her days ago, if not for Clarke, she was only so determined in spirit. She felt so sore but in the right way. They have done it in almost every position fathomable; Lexa was amazed by Clarke’s collection of toys. It felt like they were running against time and literally, they were. The past few days had been life changing for Lexa, she didn’t know that she could fall for someone so fast. For the past few days, they had evaded the inevitable expiration of their escape. The question was on the tip of Lexa’s tongue but she was too afraid to ask. Clarke seemed unconcerned, but she was just great at masking her emotions, it actually bothered her to the core. After lovemaking, she would just spend hours looking at Lexa’s sleeping form, trying to remember every detail, trying to log every inch. She thought of the days that would come after, will they survive it?
For Lexa’s last evening in Bora Bora, Clarke had invited her for a dinner at a restaurant. She didn’t feel like sharing Lexa with their other friends at the bar like they did most evenings, she just wanted her all to herself. Clarke was quiet all throughout their walk to the Yacht Club that served the best seafood and had the best selection of wine. Clarke just wanted to make this night memorable and she just didn’t want it to end.
Lexa was wearing an elegant burgundy dress; it highlighted her eyes and her now sun-kissed skin. Clarke donned a low hem dress with pink and blue floral prints. During dinner, they talked as usual; they talked about their favorite movies, books, and food. They discussed their worst and best travels. They talked about philosophy and even the belief in afterlife. When the fire-dancers started performing at the outdoor area next to the dining hall, Lexa was mesmerized. She could not help but look at the swirling flames. They were enjoying themselves, too careful not to address their impending parting right away.
When dinner was over, Lexa was surprised when she realized their next destination. For all the nights that they spent together, they had always stayed in Lexa’s room. This evening, Clarke was leading her to the inner part of the island to a small charming bungalow. The house was relatively small but it had a big yard. It had thatch roofing and was painted all white and an ample veranda was wrapped around it. Some of the furniture looked like they had seen better days, but this seemed better looking than the superficial villas. It looked lived in; it looked like a home.
“Is this your house, Clarke?” Lexa realized.
“Who’s could it be?” Clarke jested.
“You know, I couldn’t help but ask, once you open the door is there a torture chamber in there? Is this part of the story when you’re going to kill me now?” Lexa joked.
“You and your author’s paranoia.” Clarke chuckled.
As she opened the door, Lexa was charmed by what she saw. The house was filled with mismatched wooden furniture. Colorful patterned textiles were hung on the walls and draped on the furniture to make the room look softer. The house smelled of coconut oil and possibly some kind of citrus. This was Clarke’s home and she had allowed Lexa into her space. Lexa’s accommodations was a stage, this here is Clarke’s core.
“Make yourself at home.” Clarke directed as she entered the kitchen. “Would you want some coffee or tea?”
Clarke need not say anything to Lexa; her home reflected her life. It spelled out independence, comfort, security, and pride. Between the bar and her home, Lexa knew that Clarke was more secure than she was and never in her wildest dreams would she wish to uproot her. But the nagging questions was just bombarding her thoughts all night.
“Would you ever see yourself going home to Arkadia anytime soon?” Lexa blurted out.
Clarke was surprised at the question; she almost dropped the kettle. “This is home, Lex.” Arkadia is no longer home, Clarke thought. After her father passed away and her mother soon remarried and moved to a different continent, Arkadia was no longer home. That’s the reason why she followed Bellamy to Bora Bora, that’s the reason why she stayed. She had no one else to go back to.
“I understand.” Was all Lexa could say.
“I have no one else to go home to, Lex.” Clarke added to clarify her point; she saw the remorse in Lexa’s eyes.
“Of course,” It was too early to say, it was too early to tell. Clarke’s life is in this island, Lexa needs to accept that. She just couldn’t sweep her away without a life of assurance, even she is not on stable ground. But Clarke is and she couldn’t take that away from her.
“But home could be anywhere, Lex. Anywhere you make it.” Clarke straddled Lexa.
Lexa did not understood Clarke’s point at that moment. All she cared about was they were running out of time. As soon as Clarke captured her with her lips, she was a goner. She looked into those cerulean blue eyes and all she saw was the boundless sea. There was a storm brewing inside of her but she knew that all that mattered was the present. They shared another blissful evening, unwilling to let each other go. Lexa didn’t want to sleep, with the dread of what the following day may bring.
However, as the sun rose the next day, the air had cleared. Clare turned and realized that the other side of her bed was already cold. There was a note left on the side table: I could not bear to look at you as we part. May we meet again.
Clarke had never cried since her father had passed, not even when she broke up with Bellamy. But today, despite the sunny weather, a storm had come and she could not fight it any longer.
Three months later…
“I don’t know what happened in your mini-vacation, Lex but your stuff is selling like hotcakes!” Raven hummed, putting her feet up on Lexa’s coffee table.
Lexa just gave her an annoyed look.
“Hear this! Hedwig’s imagery has been so inspired; this installment deserves to be a modern Sapphic classic!” Raven was reading critic’s reviews online.
“If Waters is to historical fiction as Highsmith is to psychological thrillers, then Hedwig redefines science-fiction. Wow! This is a good one Lex! You are one with the deities from heaven!” Raven jumped from her seat.
“Brazen and brave, Hedwig normalizes queer characters in science-fiction. Hmm, not so bad.” Raven continued to read on.
Lexa just sat there beside her, her thoughts drifting somewhere else. Specifically, to blue waters, white sand, pale blue eyes and blonde hair. After leaving Clarke with an obscure note, Lexa had locked herself up in her apartment to finish her book. She never talked about Clarke to anyone, not even to her sister or sister-in-law.
Her only comfort was to encrypt messages into the words of her characters as if she was talking to Clarke. Her heroes were doomed to part, to make ultimate sacrifices for the sake of their people. They came from warring states, two different species but they worked together to save their universe. It wasn’t the last installment yet, the ending for their story was yet to be written. Lexa knew that she should start working on it as not to cram another deadli0ne but she didn’t know how to end it, especially when her own has taken an abrupt conclusion. As they say, life imitates art; art imitates life.
“Alright Lex, don’t forget about the book signing event this weekend. You’re going to blow so many fan girls’ brains out!” Raven exclaimed as she got up the couch.
Lexa had agreed to finally reveal herself as soon as the fourth installment came out. Raven convinced her that revealing her identity might do more good than bad. As she is gaining popularity, she could inspire more people now, give talks, show them the face of a thriving lesbian and so on and so forth. Again, given the circumstances, what else has Lexa got to lose. Plus, she would also love to have the opportunity to talk to younger people.
The entire event was awe-inspiring; Lexa gave a short talk about how she came up with the concept of the series and how she is striving to help normalize queer characters. The turnout was overwhelming; she could not really see everyone’s faces because of the sea of heads that filled the small community bookstore that they decided to set the reveal. Lexa was trying to help community bookstores that are not part of the big chains. The venue was filled to the brim; when it was time for book signing, Lexa’s hand had felt numb holding a Sharpie. Her white button-down felt too restricting and her navy wash jeans felt too tight. She looked on at the line before her; it looked endless. Even though she was so tired, she took it as a good sign, so many people were able to relate to her work and she could only hope that she had helped them in one form or the other. Raven wanted to limit the book signing but Lexa reproached her. It was her first public appearance; her avid readers deserve this small effort from her at least.
So, for every person who came by, she mustered to make a smile for a photo and to be mindful to ask how they were. They were down to probably the last ten readers who came by and Raven could already see the end of the line emerge. Lexa was barely looking up, making sure that her handwriting was consistent and whether she spelled names right.
Lexa was handed another copy to sign. “Should I sign this to you?” Lexa barely looked up while addressing her next supporter.
“We meet again.”
Three simple words and Lexa had almost shut down. She was afraid to look up, she recognized the voice, and she blinked several times to make sure, if she was just imagining things.
As she looked up, the face that occupied her dreams stood before her. Blue like the sea, pale like the sand; she was washed away to paradise once again.
“You never gave me that signed copy that you said you would.” The blonde whispered.
Collecting herself, Lexa just smiled to herself and continued to scribble on the book. Raven looked frazzled; she tried to understand what was happening before her. Lexa handed the softcover back to the blonde and as their fingers touched, Lexa almost jolted from her seat
“Please wait.” Lexa whispered. She really hoped that she would, she needed to keep faith.
The blonde just nodded and walked back towards the entrance of the store all together. There were about five other people left in the line and Lexa managed to patiently finish her task. As soon as the last person had left, Lexa jerked from her seat and ran outside before Raven could even say anything.
Lexa caught her breath when she saw the blonde standing outside, with her back rested on a lamppost, her eyes fixed on the book. She was wearing a leather jacket, a white t-shirt underneath, dark pants and a purple beanie on her head.
“Clarke,” Lexa uttered as she reached the blonde. Clarke placed a finger on her lip shushing her.
“Before you say anything,” Clarke inched closer; Lexa could feel her breath on her face. “So, that is what happened at the Valley of the Eyes.” Clarke chuckled.
“You could not fool the Valley of the Eyes; it sees through you, it shows who you are, what you want, what you feel, and who you see at the other end. Being trapped there showed them everything, Clarke.” Lexa replied.
“I know, Heda, I have read it.” Clarke raised the book. “So, how much of our last night together did you write into this scene?”
“Everything.” Lexa replied curtly.
“If art imitates life,” Clarke slurred. “You should at least write Naila with a bigger bosom and Alessia with a firmer stomach, maybe add some abs?”
“I don’t have abs, Clarke?” Lexa retorted.
“Oh, who says you’re Alessia in this story?” Clarke teased.
“So, am I forgiven?” Lexa wondered.
“Come here!” Clarke pulled her close. “You’re so full of shit, Heda!” Clarke kissed her on the empty street. To Lexa it felt like coming home, home wasn’t a place at all, it was Clarke.
“Did you read the dedication page?” Lexa pulled away momentarily.
“Why do you think I’m here in the first place?” Clarke giggled.
It read:
To Clarke,
See what happens in the Valley of the Eyes, until we meet again.
Below it was a big scrawl in Lexa’s loopy handwriting:
I Love You. Lexa.
“Also, Lexa, I love you, too.” Clarke pulled Lexa in for another kiss. It was filled of longing, filled of want, their chests almost burst at the thought of being reunited once again.
There was a gentle pause after their kiss and they could only bump their heads softly together.
“So, who’s looking after the bar?” Lexa grasped as Clarke looped an arm around hers as they walk back to the bookstore with an utterly confused Raven standing at the threshold.
“Bellamy needs to pull his weight from time to time.” Clarke replied.
“Every night is karaoke night?” Lexa joked.
“Oh my gosh, I hope not.” Clarke dreaded the idea.
As they walked back, Lexa’s thoughts were racing.
“I won’t ask for how long you’ll be staying, I’ll rather ask if you would take me with you.” Lexa finally declared.
Clarke was stunned at the very least but it was an offer that she had been waiting for.
“Are you sure, Lex?” Clarke could not help but ask.
“I thought about it for so long, Clarke. I can work anywhere. Please let me go home with you.” Lexa pleaded.
“Home,” Clarke smiled at the thought. “Of course, anywhere you make it, Lex.”