Chapter Text
I’m afraid there’s no hope for him. He possesses no quirk at all.
I’m sorry Izuku. I’m sorry!
If you think you’ll have a quirk in your next life… Go take a swan dive off the roof!
You are a Deku, an useless.
Izuku knew that his dream of becoming a hero without a quirk wouldn’t be easy. Since he was four years old, he already knew the differing reality imposed by society. The only thing that matters was having a power, and preferably a strong and heroic one. Even so, he persevered with his dream, going against everything and everyone, he applied to U.A., the best school of heroes in Japan. He managed to pass the theoretical test and suddenly his dream was not so far away. The only thing between his dream becoming a reality was the practical test in 10 months. He was confident that he could do it, that he could show the world that having powers was not all that mattered. He could finally make a difference!
Until a meeting, that changed everything.
“A pro should always be ready to risk his life. Without power, can one become a hero? No, I should think not”, the nº 1 hero rose with difficulty from the ground in his skeletal form. “If you desire to help people, becoming a police officer is always an option.”
All Might continued to speak as he headed for the roof door. Izuku knew that his idol was speaking, but he could no longer understand the meaning of the words. His mind was too busy recalling everything that his doctor, friends and even his mother had said for all these years. He was really useless, a deku. He couldn't make a difference or help anyone. He didn't want to be a policeman, he wanted to be a hero! Why was it so difficult for everyone to understand what he felt? Why one needed to be empowered to be someone? Why he was born like this?
No longer bearing the weight of his pain, Izuku got to his knees and let the tears flow freely. He didn't want to accept that this would be the end. He couldn't accept that his big idol would crush all his dreams and plans into small pieces. So many years of admiration and devotion to the heroes for what?
Removing his backpack from his back, Izuku unzipped it until he found his “Hero Analysis for the Future # 13” notebook. He ran his hands over the charred and wrinkled cover, remembering the harsh words Kacchan had said earlier, and opened it looking for All Might's autograph. He looked at the large calligraphy that occupied two pages with his characteristic trademark imitating his triangular eyes. How many times did Izuku not dream of an occasion like this? He should be grateful that his idol saved him from the Sludge Villain. So why did looking at this signature, and remembering the figure that should be synonymous with peace and trust brought so much pain?
Without thinking twice, Izuku grabbed one of the pages and pulled hard. The paper broke, cutting one of the pages of the autograph in half, and went flying aimlessly through the blowing wind. He grabbed the next sheet and when the paper started to tear at the top of the page it was interrupted by a loud sound.
Explosions. Izuku looked up startled from the notebook and saw black smoke rising a few blocks ahead.
"Villain! The heroes should be facing some villain!” Izuku got up quickly and went to the building's parapet. At that moment, his gaze gave a sparkle of admiration and hope when he imagined what kind of villain would have made such an explosion and which heroes would be sent to fight him. Instinctively, he reached into his trouser pocket to get his pen and start making notes and hypotheses. Realizing how his body acted faster than his mind, Izuku ducked his head in embarrassment and returned to the abandoned notebook, closing it quickly and throwing it in his backpack carelessly.
"There is no reason for you to be excited", speaking quietly to himself, the boy put his backpack on his back and went down the stairs of the building going in the opposite direction of the explosions.
The last thing Izuku wanted was to go home. He knew that he couldn’t hide from his mother the disappointment on his face and the tears that kept falling. He walked for a few minutes aimlessly until he realized that his feet took him automatically to the place he passed every day to go to school. The Tatooine Station was still full of officers and reporters even though the fight between the Giant Villain and Mount Lady ended more than 6 hours ago.
When passing in the morning, Izuku witnessed the entire fight and made several notes in his notebook. He even took notes on the destruction caused by the power of Mount Lady, but due to the rush of getting to school on time, he did not notice in detail the extent of the damage. The train was still not working because the tracks were damaged, cars were overturned and were being lifted by cranes, the shops and commercial buildings in the neighborhood didn’t have energy due to the fall of power towers.
He knew that most of the destruction had been caused by the villain, but if Mount Lady had let Kamui immobilize him, it wouldn’t have so much destruction. Looking around, Izuku saw an old man sitting in front of a store with shattered glass. As the boy approached, he realized that the man was crying, gripping a cell phone. Izuku looked into the store and saw that it was a musical instrument store. "Was" is the best definition, since a huge boulder was inside the store and several pieces of what used to be guitars were scattered on the floor in pieces. Izuku could only distinguish that it was a musical instrument store because deep inside it had a piano broken in half, possibly due to the impact of the wreckage.
"Excuse me ...", Izuku approached the man who raised his head and looked at the boy with teary eyes. "Are you okay?"
The man wiped the nose on the sleeve of his shirt.
“Thank you for your concern, young man. Physically, I'm fine. Luckily, I was out when the accident happened. Unfortunately, I can't say the same about my store,” the old man said, lowering his head sadly.
"Is there nothing that can be done?", Izuku recalled having heard his mother talk about the requirement that all stores should have insurance against villains. A few years ago, when Inko tried to open a small flower shop, the boy witnessed the difficulty with bureaucracy to get the insurance. It was still fresh in his memory the little 9-year-old boy answering while jumping that she wouldn’t need insurance because he would be a hero and would not let anything happen to his mother and the store. Shaking his head as if to dispel those thoughts, he continued: "The insurance against villains can pay for at least part of the damage, right?"
The old man sighed and looked away from Izuku. For a little while he looked ... angry?
“The insurance will not cover repair costs. Not when the hero did the damage,” he pointed to one of the street security cameras. “Filming showed that the culprit for throwing this boulder was Mount Girl, or whatever her name is. According to them, the insurance is only valid for damage caused by villains and, what happened was just an eventuality and that I should be thankful for being alive”, the man tightened the cell phone in his hand.
"I - I'm really sorry," Izuku lowered his head. “Even if the insurance doesn't help, there are still things that can be done! Donations, bank loans ... Nowadays there are several ways to ask for donations on the internet, if you offer a discount, or something like that for supporters, I'm sure that many people will be interested in helping. The best would be to record a video telling everything that happened, that way people will be able to see the injustice that was done and will be touched. Besides, you can still ...”, the old man raised a hand, signaling for Izuku to cut off his mumbling.
“Young man, I am very grateful for your concern. But I am old, this store is over 30 years old. I am tired, very tired. Perhaps this is the time to give up and accept retirement. My wife always complains that I don't help at all in the house”, his small laugh didn't reach his eyes. Rising up, he placed a hand on Izuku's shoulder. "You are still young. With age you will understand that there are things that we just need to accept, we cannot change the outcome of everything.”
Taking his hand off Izuku's shoulder, the man turned and entered the store, closing what was left of the dented door to have at least a little privacy.
Izuku could not accept this. People shouldn’t be held responsible for the carelessness of heroes. The old man was not to blame for anything. Mount Lady was to blame and should bear it. Izuku felt the anger rising inside his chest when he remembered the provocative pose that Mount Lady did when holding the villain and the sensuality in her voice when saying it was her debut day. It was probably at the moment that she kicked the villain off the tracks, destroying the concrete of the walkway, which caused the debris to fly out and hit the store. Even after the event, she was still concerned with her image, with her fame, unaware of all the damage done. Disgusted by the memory, Izuku clenched his teeth and marched in the opposite direction.
As he made his way home, several police and fire cars passed him quickly. They were probably heading to the place where he heard the explosions and saw the black smoke some time ago. But Izuku no longer cared about it, in fact, thinking about the attack, he wondered how many of those cars would be solving the damage caused by the heroes. He wondered how many times something similar to what he saw had happened before. He questioned whether the government knew about these damages to private assets or worse, did the government knew and cover up these cases? Izuku needed to remember to investigate this further when he got home.
As he walked, he murmured his thoughts in a low voice, so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn't notice a tall figure approaching him until he felt someone nudge his shoulder. Looking back, Izuku couldn't contain his shock and took a step back.
In front of him was a tall man, very thin and with wavy hair in a bluish-white color and intese red eyes that were almost hypnotic. But the reason behind Izuku's fright was the huge number of wrinkles around the man’s eyes, his lips were dry and brittle making he looks older. The man still had a scar on his eye and another one cutting his lip. The first thought that came to Izuku’s mind was: villain.
"I know what you're thinking, but I'm not going to hurt you," said the man, scratching his neck unpretentiously. “I saw what you did for the old man back there. Very noble of you.”
Izuku let the tension drop from his shoulders and felt a twinge of guilt for having thought the worst of the man just because of his appearance. “I did nothing, actually. I wish I could have helped more,” the boy replied, scratching the back of his head, avoiding looking directly at the face in front of him.
“Do you hate heroes?", Izuku quickly turned his head to face the man, frowning. This was definitely not the question he expected to hear. He opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it. His first impulse was to deny it, to say that he idolized heroes and that he himself would be one. But ... After everything he went through and saw today, he didn't know how he felt anymore. He knew that hate was a very strong word, but at the moment it didn't seem right to defend heroes.
“No”, he chose to say simply, lowering his head.
"But you don't trust them anymore either, right?", Izuku looked back at the man in front of him, suspicion apparent in his eyes. What did he want with this conversation? Was his first thought that he was a villain correct? If so, what should he do? Ask for help? But what would he say? The man did nothing for him, he was just asking questions about heroes. There was no law against it.
"Something like that", Izuku chose not to say more before knowing what were the strange man's intentions.
"I understand", the man started shaking his head slightly. "I have already been in your place and I recognize that look of being betrayed by the heroes." Putting his hands in his pocket, he started to walk around the boy. “At the age of five, I needed a hero more than ever, but I was left alone because of my looks. Nobody dared to approach me.” The man stopped again in front of Izuku after circling him entirely.
"I – I’m sorry," the boy stammered, unable to hide the fear he was feeling.
The man rested his hand, leaving his pinky raised, on Izuku's shoulder and gave a slight toothless smile. "You don’t have to be afraid. I told you, I won't hurt you. But since you're suspicious, how about we go to a cafe to talk? There will be more people around and if I do something, you can ask for help.”
Izuku stared into the man's eyes trying to decipher what was his goal. But before he could open his mouth, the man grabbed his arm, again with his pinky raised and gave him a slight tug to follow him.
"Let’s go. I promise it won't take too long,” the man released Izuku's arm and continued to walk in front of the boy.
Without knowing how to react, Izuku stood for a few moments looking at the back of the man in front of him as he walked. He definitely didn't seem like a reliable person, but maybe he could answer some questions that were plaguing him. And if he was being honest, it didn't seem that dangerous to go to a coffee shop. If he felt uncomfortable, he could get up and leave. And, if the man tried to use his quirk, whatever it was, people would probably notice.
Still afraid, but determined, Izuku ran to the man to catch up with his stride. They walked for a few minutes until they reached the door of a famous coffee shop. Izuku let out a sigh of relief. The man was not lying when he said where they were going and, in fact, it was a busy place.
Upon entering the cafeteria, the man went to a distant table. Izuku followed him and sat across from him.
"Welcome! What can I ...”, the waitress approached the table and when she saw the man in front of her, her eyes widened. Izuku was sure that his own reaction to seeing the strange man for the first time was very similar to that of the waitress. Clearing her throat, she put a fake smile on her face and continued. "How can I help you?"
"A glass of water for me," the man said, resting his hands on the table. "What about you, boy?"
"Oh, no-nothing, thanks!", replied Izuku, very uncomfortable with the whole situation.
"Ok! I'll bring your water right away!”, said the waitress with a false voice and animation, possibly trying her best to hide her surprise and possible fear. Before turning around, she gave Izuku a worried look, as if making sure the boy was there willingly. Izuku gave a small smile trying to comfort her.
"So," the man started talking, taking Izuku's attention away from the waitress. "What's your story?"
"Before I answer, I need to know ... Who are you?", Izuku could be on shaky legs in fear, but he knew that this was no excuse for being inconsequential. Any information he got about this man was critical.
"Tomura Shigaraki," he replied simply. “Through society's eyes, I am a mere nobody.”, The man named Shigaraki put his fist on his chin, assessing the boy.
"And you're a vi-", Izuku stopped the question in the middle when he saw the waitress approaching again and placed the glass of water in front of Shigaraki. Without waiting for thanks, she quickly turned and went back to the counter.
"Villain? It depends a lot on your concept of villain,” he started talking swirling the ice in his glass with one finger. Izuku swallowed. "If you believe that being against this society that treats heroes like gods makes me a villain ...", he stopped looking at Izuku. “So yes, I am one. But don't worry, I don't have a criminal record, if that's what you are worried about”, Shigaraki took the glass in front of him keeping his little finger raised and took a sip. A small trail of water ran from his cracked lips to his chin and a few drops fell on the table. "I am just a citizen who thinks that this society is sick and needs improvement," he said, wiping the water that ran down with his sleeve.
Okay, that definitely looks like villain's talk. Izuku thought. There were so many things he wanted to ask this Shigaraki person. What did he want with him? Why were he telling all these strange things? And perhaps one of the most important things, why did he lift his pinky when he picked up something? Was it connected to his quirk? Izuku didn't even realize that he was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he even put his hand on his chin, as usual.
"Look over there," Shigaraki said taking the boy out of his thoughts. Izuku looked at him and saw that he was pointing his head at the television behind the boy. Izuku turned his body over so he could get a better look at what was going on. It was the news; it was talking about the explosion attack that Izuku heard and saw. The street reporter was showing the extent of the destruction caused, the firefighters were trying to control the flames that spread everywhere, it was a chaotic scene. “See how much destruction. And the heroes will still come out as the good guys in all of this.”
Izuku looked at Shigaraki and turned his attention to the television just as they started showing the images of the villain. All the color of Izuku's face disappeared and his stomach knotted. It was the Sludge Villain. But how? Hadn't All Might arrested him? Unless ... Izuku's eyes widened and his hands went to his mouth, hiding a small cry of horror.
It was my fault? When I grabbed All Might, was it possible that the bottle had fallen?
"Hey, are you okay?", Shigaraki asked finally paying attention to the boy. But Izuku eyes was still glued on the television, seeing that the villain had taken a hostage. Someone had to go through the same suffocating sensation as he did, and it was all his fault. Izuku felt bile rise in his throat both from guilt and from the memory of near death.
But then, his world stopped when he saw who the hostage was. His arms lost strength and fell uselessly to his side. The newspaper showed the photo of the victim's yearbook, with the horrible background that only his school used. Red eyes in a black uniform seemed to look directly at Izuku.
Kacchan!
Izuku rose quickly from his seat, eyes still fixed on the television. Even without sound, the newspaper card read "Victim identified as Katsuki Bakugou is under observation at Mustafar Hospital."
"Hey!", Shigaraki called for Izuku again. The boy looked at him with terrified eyes and tears stubbornly not falling.
"I - I need to go", Izuku said putting the backpack on his back.
“Tsc. Wait a second”, Shigaraki took a napkin and wrote something. “Here. You can call anytime.”
Izuku took the paper without knowing why, stuffed it in his pocket carelessly and ran out of the cafeteria. He wasn't thinking about anything, which was unusual, he just knew he needed to get to Mustafar Hospital as soon as possible.
Running as fast as his legs could take, Izuku didn't mind bumping into people on his way, stumbling a few times for not seeing very well with his eyes blurred by tears. When he arrived at the hospital door, he was panting, his lungs were burning with the effort of running, but Izuku felt cold. Fear and guilt taking over his entire body.
Several reporters were at the hospital door. Izuku managed to get past them due to his short stature and ran to the information desk.
“Excuse me!”, He said, still panting in a higher voice than he intended. "I need to know about a patient's condition, Kacc- Katsuki Bakugou."
The nurse looked at him in surprise and sighed annoyed. “I have said several times. I cannot give patient information to the media without authorization from his parents. And to think they would be so low as to use a child to get that information,” she shook her head in dismay.
"No! You got it wrong! I am ... ”, Izuku did not finish the sentence. His intention was to say that he was Bakugou’s friend, but he no longer knew if that was the correct term. However, classmate also didn't seem right. Their relationship was so complicated.
"Izuku?", Upon hearing his name the boy turned towards the voice.
"Masaru-san?", Izuku ran towards the older man. “How's Kacchan? I tried to ask, but they didn't want to give me information, thinking I was from the media. Is he conscious? I just got here. I didn't ... I didn't know. It's all my fault!” The tears started to flow against his will.
Masaru put an arm around Izuku's shoulders in a fatherly way. “Calm down Izuku. Let's talk in a more private place”, Masaru looked at the reporters crowded at the entrance and led the boy to the hospital cafeteria. He left Izuku sitting at one of the tables and went to get a glass of water to calm the sobbing boy.
Izuku took the offered glass with shaking hands and took a few sips. Masaru took the seat next to him. "Are you feeling better?" Asked the man, stroking the boy's back in circles.
"Y-yes, thank you," said Izuku, wiping the tears from his face with the back of his hand. “What about Kacchan? How is he?”
"You better than anyone know that nothing can defeat this boy”, Masaru smiled trying to comfort him. Izuku felt his cheeks go red. It was he who should be trying to comfort the man, and not the other way around. “Katsuki arrived at the hospital unconscious, it seems that the villain tried to choke him to get hold of his body, or something like that, I really didn't understand it very well. He woke up a few minutes ago and was responding, but as he was very agitated, they ended up sedating him”, Masaru sighed. “I know my son is strong, but sometimes I think he is too strong for his own good. I worry about how it will be in the future since he doesn't share his feelings and, well, this is a very traumatic situation”, Masaru looked at Izuku “Am I overprotecting him?”
Izuku shook his head. He didn't have the courage to say that he knew exactly what Kacchan had been through, and although a lot had happened today and he didn't even have much time to think about the attack he suffered, he knew it would take a toll later.
“I don’t understand one thing. From the size of the destruction I saw on television, it seems that Kacchan fought for a long time. Why didn't anyone help him?” For the first time in his life, Izuku saw Kacchan's father look angry. He clenched his fists and frowned, but after taking a deep breath he returned to his normal countenance.
"From what I was told, Katsuki fought the villain for almost half an hour", Izuku's eyes widened in surprise, he was choking in seconds. How did Kacchan endure so long? "The available heroes ... They didn't have a compatible quirk to deal with the villain ... And when Katsuki passed out, All Might appeared and managed to get him out of the villain", Masaru removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes in annoyance. "I don't even want to think what would have happened if he showed up minutes later," he lowered his head with fists still clenched on the table.
"All Might ?!", Izuku asked in surprise. The last time he saw the hero he said that he had reached his daily limit of power and that was the reason he acquired that skeletal appearance. Izuku questioned whether he was lying, since he thought it impossible that All Might had appeared in front of everyone like that, and most important, he didn't even seem to have enough strength to fight a villain AND take Kacchan away.
“It looks like he recently arrived in Japan. From what I heard he is going to be a teacher in U.A.", Masaru said, replacing his glasses. “Speaking of which, Katsuki said that you also passed the theoretical test. Congratulations. I think what you are trying to achieve is very important, but I imagine it is a difficult path and ...”
Izuku could no longer pay attention to what Masaru was saying. He couldn't understand why All Might took so long to save Kacchan. They were not so far from the place where the accident occurred, Izuku saw the smoke only a few blocks away from the building! If he arrived quickly and still had enough stamina to transform, why did it take so long? Why did it take so long that Kacchan lost consciousness?
He almost killed him. All Might almost killed Kacchan.
Izuku stood up so suddenly that the chair fell behind him.
"Izuku?", Masaru asked worriedly and the boy seemed to step out of the trance momentarily.
“Oh, sorry, Masaru-san. I ... I just remembered that I need to come home to ... help my mother ... with some things”, Izuku was never very good at making up lies. He bent down to pick up the chair when Masaru spoke again.
“Do you want to see Katsuki? I know he is not awake, but maybe it will do him good. For both of you, in fact”, with the surprise of the invitation Izuku knocked over the chair he was trying to lift again.
"Ah ... I don't ... I don't know if I should," he said, running a hand over the back of his head.
“I am not a fool, Izuku. I know the son I have and I imagine you two don't have the best relationship. From how you got here, I imagine there are some things you want to say to him,” he said, getting up and straightening the chair that Izuku knocked over. "And you won’t get many opportunities to talk with Katsuki about what's bothering you without a threat of being blown up," Masaru added with a small playful smile on his lips.
“I don't know ..." said Izuku, twisting the hem of his shirt.
"Come on. Katsuki should not wake up so early with the medicines they gave him,” Masaru put his hands on Izuku's back to guide him to the bedroom and Izuku found himself unable to resist.
When they reached the door of the room, Masaru opened quietly.
"Honey? There's someone here to see Katsuki,” he said entering the room and leaving the door open for Izuku.
Mitsuki was sitting in a chair in front of Katsuki's bed, preventing Izuku from seeing the boy's face. "If it's another one of those shitty reporters, tell them I'm going to shove the microphone up ... Oh," Mitsuki started to speak, but stopped when saw Izuku standing at the door.
"Izuku came to the hospital to check on him and I thought it would be good to let them talk."
"But he's still asleep!", Mitsuki saw Masaru's silent pleading look and got up from the chair. For the first time Izuku managed to see a little bit of Katsuki's face. He was still in the same way as he had seen him in the morning, except for the hospital robe and the air mask over his face. Some bandages covered the boy's arms, probably due to the overuse of his quirk.
Izuku had never seen Kacchan so peaceful.
Mitsuki went to Izuku and put a hand on his shoulder. “I'm glad you came. Let's leave them alone”, saying this she and Masaru left the room.
Izuku still stood for a while after the door closed behind him. The whole situation seemed so strange and ... intimate. He took a deep breath and walked over to the bed.
"H-Hi Kacchan, how are you?" Silence. “Ha-ha, stupid question, you can't answer me.” Silence. Izuku took a deep breath again.
“This whole thing is so weird, but your father thinks it would be good for you. Or rather, for both of us. Ahh, his words, not mine!”, Izuku added the last part in despair and hid his face with his arms, as if he were waiting to be attacked by an explosion. The boy sighed again.
“I miss talking to you normally. Even with your teasing when we were little, I really liked to hear your opinions on heroes and their quirks.”
“Remember when we discussed what our hero names would be and you said that all my names were childish and that I should call myself Deku because it would be easier for you to remember when we worked together? These were my favorite moments”, Izuku smiled at the memory and sat on the chair, without looking directly at Katsuki.
"So many things happened today that I feel like it's been a whole week," Izuku lowered his head sadly. “You know, I met All Might! He's even bigger than I imagined. I… I asked him if I could be a hero without a quirk and he said no. I think deep down I always knew this, but didn’t wanted to believe it. You were right all this time, I think I really am useless”, tears started streaming down the freckled face.
Izuku hid his face with his hands. Guilt and pain building in his chest.
“It’s all my fault! If I hadn't gone after All Might, none of this would have happened. The Sludge Villain wouldn’t have escaped and now you would be safe and sound at home!”, Izuku was no longer able to control his tears. The boy tried to clean them up as soon as possible, but they came on and on.
“If-If I had believed you, instead of believing in impossible dreams, you wouldn't be in that hospital bed. I was so selfish!”, the boy started sobbing.
Taking a deep breath to try to calm himself, he continued.
“Be-besides, something strange happened. A guy came to talk to me, to say this society is sick because people deify heroes.”, Izuku gave a little humorless chuckle and then frowned. “But do you know what's the worst? I... I think I understand what he meant. I know it was my fault that the villain escaped and I will never forgive myself, but...”, Izuku once again wiped the tears from the back of his hand and finally looked at Katsuki. “But it was the heroes' job to control the situation. I mean, you almost died! You almost died because nobody did anything and ... And that’s not right! Heroes should put the lives of others first, they should bring hope and not more pain and destruction.”
Izuku looked for a few minutes at Katsuki's peaceful face while he slept. Masaru was right, talking to Kacchan, even though the boy couldn't answer, helped him get his thoughts in order.
"All Might was there," Izuku clenched his fists on his lap. “All Might saw you in pain and did nothing. He left you to die”, his eyes that were usually bright with hope, now shone ominously.
Hatred. Such a small word, but with such a big meaning. That was what Izuku was feeling.
"After what I saw today, I believe that many heroes are only concerned with themselves and think they can do whatever they want," Izuku looked at Katsuki with a smile on his lips. “If only they were like you. Even if you're always angry, you are still my image of victory. I know that in an emergency you would do anything to beat the villain and win. That way, others could save. You have to win to save and save to win.”
Izuku gave a nervous laugh. "I'm starting to say very strange things and you need to rest without someone chattering in your ear", the boy got up from the chair and headed for the door. “Don't worry about school stuff. I will make a notebook with my notes so you won't be left behind”, opening the door, Izuku took one last look at the blond boy on the bed. "Sleep well, Kacchan," he said, closing the door behind him.
