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Soobin approaches the wooden bench, tucked away in a hidden part of the castle’s rose garden. It’s been Yeonjun’s favorite spot for years, the place where they used to spend their childhood, picking thorns out of adolescent skin and hiding away from prying eyes, sharing dreams and hopes of a future they planned to share together under the beautiful Ansan sky. They were young and naive then, maybe still are, to think they could turn those dreams into reality.
“I heard you accepted the proposal,” Yeonjun says the second his thighs touch weakened oak, the wood having festered over the years. He looks beautiful as always, chin tilted towards the sky with the full moon’s light shining over his skin.
“I did,” Soobin replies calmly.
“Then what, may I ask, are you doing here?” His tone is clipped, anger apparent as he lowers his head and turns those seductive eyes upon the younger.
Regardless of the indignation in his lover’s voice, Soobin smiles. “I came to see you, of course.”
“Should you not be with your fiance?” Yeonjun challenges.
“I would rather be with you, my love.”
With a scoff, Yeonjun tilts his head back towards the sky as if the moon would bring him some sort of peace. Soobin simply grabs his chin, soft against his fingertips, and brings it back into his presence. “Do not turn away from me. You know that I am only marrying him because I have to. It is my duty,” he tells him, not a hint of anger in his voice.
Soobin has never directed his anger towards Yeonjun. In fact, he has never directed his anger at anyone. Always the calm, collected alpha.
And for that, Yeonjun despises him.
“And it is my duty to serve you, my prince ,” the title, that once held a playful and loving tone between them, was now spoken with disdain and defiance. It rolls off his tongue like poison, Yeonjun’s nose wrinkled in a way Soobin has always found endearing.
He slides his thumb along the seam of Yeonjun’s mouth and his lips part on instinct, taking the tip between his crooked teeth.
“Then serve me,” he whispers, watching the way those soft lashes flutter against his angled cheeks. Their eyes meet and wordlessly, Yeonjun rises from the oak bench and steps between Soobin’s spread knees, lowering himself down into the dirt. The earth is cool against his linen pants, the past day’s rain soaking into the fabric. He places his slender hands on Soobin’s thighs and pushes them apart, nimble fingers working at the button of his royal trousers.
“You’ve always looked the most beautiful like this, entirely at my mercy.”
Brows furrowed, Yeonjun tugs at his pants until Soobin raises his hips and allows his lower half to be set free. “Do not shower me with affection,” his servant mutters, jaw tight as he takes the cock before him into his hand, thumbing over the glistening tip. “I know my place.”
“Your place is where it has always been,” Soobin whispers, sliding a familiar hand into Yeonjun’s hair as he brings his cock to his mouth.
“With me.”
Yeonjun pauses his movements and looks to the prince, gaze burning.
“If my place is with you, then why does it feel like no matter how close I am to you, no matter how much you take from me… I can never have you?” His voice cracks halfway through, tears welling up along his lower lid as the tough exterior he has always tried to maintain falters, crumbling under the weight of reality. Soobin’s heart breaks at the sight of him.
He’s always been weak to Yeonjun’s tears.
Soobin grabs the smaller alpha from under his arms and lifts him into his lap, large arms wrapped around his slender frame. He’s trembling, face pressed into the warm crevice of Soobin’s neck as he tries not to let his emotions overwhelm him.
“I am already yours, Junie. I have always been yours. Your place is in my heart. That will never change,” he assures him, rubbing soothing circles into his back as sniffles and shaky breaths meet his ear.
“You are cruel…” Yeonjun whimpers, releasing a sob that echoes into the empty garden and reverberates in his chest. Soobin aches to comfort him.
“I know,” he whispers, lifting Yeonjun’s face away from his neck so he can wipe at the tears staining his cheeks, skin warm to the touch. “Forgive me."
Yeonjun’s eyes squeeze shut, fingers clutching at Soobin’s arms.
“I’ll always forgive you.”
Soobin is married by the next full moon.
Huening Kai is a lovely omega. He has soft, round cheeks and plentiful lips, mousy curls framing his small face. He’s beautiful, with wide hips perfect for pregnancy and a slim figure. If Soobin were any other alpha, he would be the perfect mate.
But Soobin’s heart already belongs to another--his servant, an alpha .
Regardless, Soobin is the crowned prince and he is expected to produce an heir. So they spend Huening Kai’s first heat together, learning about one another while they lay with their bodies tied, Soobin giving a piece of himself that should only belong to Yeonjun.
And when he returns to his chambers after the news of Huening Kai’s pregnancy, Yeonjun is nowhere to be found.
“Where is he?” he asks another servant, one who has been in the castle long enough to know of their affair.
“He is Seongnam now, Your Highness,” Beomgyu tells him, his expression guarded. “He left last night after news of his mother’s condition arrived. I don’t think she is doing well.”
“I see…”
“I’m surprised he did not tell you,” Beomgyu points out, as if he needed to point out the oddity of the situation. “You two have always been so close.”
“He must have left in a hurry,” Soobin mutters, looking at his bed that hasn’t been slept in for days.
“Indeed. Now it is time for a bath, Your Highness.”
“How is she?”
Yeonjun lifts his head from the cotton pillow at the sound of Soobin’s voice, his eyes swollen and cheeks red. He’s been crying. “They said she does not have many moons left,” he whispers, his lower lip wobbling.
Soobin lowers himself down onto the small mattress beside him, resting a hand on his trembling shoulder. “I am sorry, my love. I wish there was something I could do.”
Yeonjun’s face contorts, his eyes sparkling with fresh tears. “There is nothing anyone can do. They are surprised she lived this long…”
“Come here. Let me hold you,” Soobin tells him, opening his arms. Yeonjun only shakes his head, turning away from him so he can press his face into his pillow once more.
“What’s the matter?” Soobin asks, growing concerned. “Do you feel unwell?”
“I do not wish to be held by you.”
“Oh?” Soobin chuckles, tilting his head. “Then who shall hold you in my place?”
At the sound of his amusement, Yeonjun sits up and roughly wipes away the tears from his skin, glaring at the prince. “I would never let someone hold me in the way that you have held someone else,” he hisses.
“Is this about the pregnancy?”
“It is about everything, Your Highness .” His face is wet and red and sick with grief, but Soobin can only think about how beautiful he is even like this.
“You shouldn’t show me such a pathetic face. It makes me want to be cruel towards you,” he tells him, reaching up to thumb at the tears clinging to Yeonjun’s dark lashes.
“You are already cruel to me.”
“Then allow me to be cruel a little longer," Soobin sighs, cupping Yeonjun's swollen cheeks in his hands before pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. He places another upon his pouted lips, and then another, until the fight in Yeonjun finally dissolves and he melts into the prince's warm embrace.
“Soobin…” he whispers, his voice trembling.
“Shh. Let me take care of you now.”
Soobin wraps his arms around the smaller alpha and holds him against his chest, running his fingers through the silky strands of hair the way he always has when he holds him. Yeonjun settles into the space between his neck and shoulder, fingers clenching and unclenching around Soobin's satin robes.
“I am going to lose my mother and then I am going to lose you too," he whispers into the silent night, nosing at the unmarred skin near Soobin's scent gland where their mating mark should be—a privilege they will never be allowed to indulge in.
“You will never lose me, my love.”
“You are having a child, Soobin," Yeonjun laughs, a bitter and cold sound that leaves them both unsettled.
“A child that will one day take the throne from me. Now that it is done, it need not be done again," the prince tells him, his large hand weighing heavy on Yeonjun's skin.
“What about his heats? You are his alpha, you must take care of him.”
“After the pregnancy, Huening will go on suppressants. He will no longer experience heats.”
“So you will never touch your omega again?” Yeonjun asks, disbelieving.
“I will never hold anyone other than you.”
Soobin breaks that promise after the birth of his child.
Huening Kai gave him a son. Healthy and round, and full of life. A perfect heir to the throne. Soobin spends the entire day at Huening's side, holding their baby in his arms, in awe of the life he helped create.
While Soobin sheds tears of joy, Yeonjun sheds tears of sorrow, selfishly wishing that he had been born different. If he were an omega, their love could have been accepted. He could have gifted Soobin a son. But his body was not created to bear children, and he would never be able to give Soobin what Huening Kai has already given him.
So when Soobin returns to his chambers that night, Yeonjun has no intentions of sharing his bed with him.
"You should have been there, Junie. He's perfect. He'll make a great prince one day," Soobin tells him as he begins to undress, making his way over to the alpha sitting at the edge of his bed.
"We cannot do this anymore, Your Highness," Yeonjun blurts out immediately, the words stumbling past his lips before he loses the courage to speak them. " I cannot do this anymore."
"What do you mean?" Soobin frowns, reaching out for him. Yeonjun simply turns away, staring intently at the floor.
"You have an omega and a son to take care of now. There is no place for me anymore."
"How many times must we have this conversation?" Soobin sighs, running his fingers through his dark hair. "Your place is right by my side where you have always been."
Yeonjun turns to face him, his brows pressed together out of frustration. "How can I stay by your side while you raise someone else's child?"
"Because it is my child," Soobin snaps, raising his voice in a way he never has before. Yeonjun jerks away like he's been burned and Soobin narrows his eyes. "I have had enough of your tantrums, Yeonjun. Since when have you become so selfish? Never once have I made you question my love for you. Never once have I treated you as if you were undeserving of my love. The things I have done were out of duty alone. When will you realize that?"
By the end of his rant, Soobin's fingers are digging into Yeonjun’s shoulders, forcing his servant to look at him. "You've never raised your voice at me before…" is all the smaller alpha says and Soobin frowns at the fear in his slanted eyes.
"I feel like I don't even know you anymore. You're not my prince. This isn't how it was supposed to go," Yeonjun whimpers, curling in on himself as silent sobs begin to wrack through his body, fat tears rolling down porcelain cheeks.
Soobin deflates, kneeling down between Yeonjun's legs before wrapping his arms around the servant's slender waist. "I am the same prince I have always been, and this is always how it was going to go. We aren't pups anymore, Junie, we can't keep dreaming of an impossible future."
"L-Let go…" Yeonjun sniffles, trying to push at the broad chest in front of him. Soobin simply holds tighter.
"I will never let you go, my love. You belong to me. Your body, mind, and soul are mine. That's what you told me, isn't it?"
"Soobin…"
"Isn't it?" he insists, thumbing at his damp cheeks.
"Yes…"
As the years pass and Soobin's son grows older, Yeonjun grows weaker. He's always been frail for an alpha, but it is the guilt that eats away at him from the inside like a parasite. Haneul is a beautiful child. He has big eyes and his father's dimples, and a head of mousy curls from his mother. He resembles each of his parents equally, both in appearance and personality, and Yeonjun tries not to despise him for it.
He is only a child, he tells himself, he has done no wrong.
"Sometimes I wish Yeonjun was my omma," Haneul sighs one night during their bath and the servant’s fingers pause against Soobin's back, his eyes wide.
"Why is that, my love?" Soobin asks him gently, moving his long fingers through the child's damp curls.
"Because then I could sleep with appa and Yeonjun every night," he says innocently.
"But your omma loves sleeping with you."
"I know, but I like it here too."
Yeonjun tries to ignore the conversation, returning to his duty by scrubbing Soobin's back a little more harshly than intended. "I'll talk with omma and see if you can spend more nights here with us. How does that sound?"
"Thank you, appa!"
"You're welcome, my love."
By the time they are all bathed and Haneul is returned to Huening Kai's chambers for the night, Yeonjun is sick to his stomach with guilt. He lays uneasy at Soobin's side, unable to get a wink of sleep. When Soobin rolls over and wraps an arm around his waist, he tenses up.
"Why are you still awake?" the prince asks, nuzzling into the crook of Yeonjun's neck.
He remains quiet for a few minutes. "I don't know how much more I can take…" he admits aloud, his fingers trembling.
"What do you mean?"
"I cannot steal a child away from its mother."
Soobin sighs, moving away so he can turn Yeonjun onto his back. He places a hand against his stomach, grounding him. "You are not stealing Haneul away from anyone."
"You don't understand how I feel, Soobin," he mutters, eyes fixated on the ruby canopy above them.
"Just sleep, my love. You'll feel differently in the morning."
His feelings don't change.
In fact, they continue to grow and fester in his mind like a disease. Haneul is attached to him now. He follows Yeonjun to the library, sits by his side while he reads. He follows him to the garden and picks flowers for his father's lover, gifting them to Yeonjun with bright eyes and a dimpled smile. And everyday, Yeonjun aches to get away.
During Haneul's seventh winter, Yeonjun receives news of his mother's death. She managed to live many moons, but Yeonjun was inevitably unable to be by her side when she passed.
He feels broken and relieved all at once.
His mother is dead, but her death means he does not have to continue working in the palace anymore. He can leave, and allow Soobin to live a normal life with his family. His bags are packed by the next evening.
"I am leaving," he tells Soobin when he returns from dinner with his omega, standing by the door.
"Leaving to where?" Soobin asks in surprise, glancing out his window at the thick blanket of snow on the castle grounds. "I know you want to see your mother, but the weather-"
"I am returning to my home. I want to leave the castle for good," Yeonjun tells him, standing strong even when Soobin directs that firm stare at him.
"What makes you think I will allow you to leave?"
"I am not asking for your permission."
"Good, because you do not have it," Soobin shrugs off his royal coat, laying it over the edge of his bed.
"Soobin-"
"Yeonjun!" The prince yells, his voice echoing against the stone walls. Yeonjun jumps at the sound, shrinking back against the door as Soobin crowds his space. "You are not leaving this castle.'
"I can't… I can't stay here anymore, Soobin," he begs, his voice betraying him as it wavers. "It's killing me inside to watch you live out a perfect life with your son and your omega, only to come sleep with a useless alpha like me. I can't offer you anything, I'm not good for anything-"
"I don't need anything other than you," Soobin tries to reassure him, cradling Yeonjun's red face in large, open palms.
"Please, Soobin," he croaks, eyes squeezed shut. "Just let me go…"
"No."
Yeonjun breaks down further, sinking to the ground as Soobin follows, crushing his slender body in his arms. He holds Yeonjun's trembling body tight, a mess of crumpled limbs upon the floor.
"I would kill you before I allow you to leave my side," Soobin tells him calmly. When Yeonjun finally raises his head and their eyes meet, he looks like a child again.
"You told me once that I was never a prisoner here. What happened to that?"
"You told me you loved me once," Soobin counters, pushing damp hair out of his lover's face. "What happened to that?"
"It's because I love you that I have to leave."
"And it is because I love you that I will never let you." At the finality in Soobin's voice, Yeonjun breaks.
"Then kill me," he says seriously, holding the prince's gaze. Soobin pauses, searching Yeonjun's eyes.
"My love…"
"Kill me, Soobin. I would rather die than continue living with this guilt inside of me," he begs, sitting up so he can face the prince properly.
"As long as it's you, I'm okay with it."
Soobin just tucks Yeonjun's face against his shoulder, sighing. "I could never kill you, Junie."
Yeonjun simply cries harder.
Haneul wakes up one moon later to an empty bed and commotion coming from the hallway. His mother returns seconds later, assuring him that there's nothing to worry about. He nods obediently and gets dressed for breakfast.
When they go to the dining room, his appa and Yeonjun are nowhere to be found.
"Omma? Where are appa and Junie?" he asks as he shovels porridge into his mouth, watching servants and guards pace back and forth through the castle.
"Your appa is dealing with some private affairs right now," is all his mother tells him.
That same afternoon, Haneul goes to the library in search of Yeonjun for their daily reading. As he passes through the courtyard, he hears two servants mingling.
"It's a shame, what he did. The King is devastated."
"Do you really think he killed himself? Maybe the King had enough of his whining and decided to get rid of him.”
“No, the King would never do that. He was in love with that servant. I tried to run him a bath this morning and he nearly killed me. His whole room is destroyed.”
“Jeez… This is why alphas should just stick to omegas like they’re supposed to.”
“I’m surprised it took this long for things to fall apart.”
At the mention of his father’s distress, Haneul goes in search of him. He finds him where he expected, sitting in the corner of the library where Yeonjun always read to him.
“Appa?” he asks quietly, approaching the disheveled man. His eyes are red and he looks worn down, an emptiness in his eyes that Haneul has never seen before.
“Come here, my son,” Soobin tells him and he obediently climbs into his father’s lap. They embrace, his small arms locked around the King’s neck as he listens to his shaky breath. They sit together like that for a long time, Haneul allowing his father to cry in silence.
When the tears stop and his father’s breathing returns to normal, Hanuel sits back and stares up at him. “Is Yeonjun dead, appa?”
“Yes…”
“Did you love him?”
“Aside from you, he was the one I loved most in this world,” Soobin tells him with a sad smile, his dimples unable to brighten his face the way they always had before.
“You never loved omma, did you?”
“Not in the way I loved Yeonjun.”
“I’m sorry, appa.”
“I’m sorry too.”
“I hope one day you meet him again and you can be happy together.”
“Maybe in the next life.”