Chapter Text
yeonjun often felt unsettled, uncomfortable in his own body. he couldn’t quite ever move past the feeling that something was crawling on his skin; the back of his neck or across his arm. the memories of being dragged down from the confidence he’d once had in himself sat far too close to the front of his mind. now his bright pink hair was fading to a dirty blonde that he tied back lightly to ensure it still hung over his face. he covered the ink on his skin like it was a branding of shame.
he trudged through the august heat, box in his hand, to the towering block of flats across from campus. a heaviness hung in the air that made the box he carried seem ten times heavier. he reached the foyer.
ELEVATOR OUT OF ORDER.
a heavy sigh escaped that carried more than just the dreaded 8 floor climb within it.
the corridors were bare and decaying. damp seeping from the cracks in the ceiling and down the walls. the plaster fell away from touch to reveal the cold, grey concrete underneath.
yeonjun’s room was small but somehow still very empty. he didn’t need a lot of space. he didn’t have a lot of things. the window was unfortunately very small, hidden by dark curtains that blocked the sunlight and made the small, uncomfortable space feel suffocating.
when he sat alone on his floor eating ramen for the third day in a row, he swore the walls were closing in on him collapsing his lungs and making him gasp for air until he was coughing and spluttering everywhere.
the days slipped by, each as empty as the one before. it could be sunday or thursday but yeonjun didn’t know. he glued himself in front of his monitor and smashed the keys letting the images flash rapidly across the screen from the gameplay. he always lost. other players always told him to kill himself in the group chat. they stabbed him in the back but he kept playing until he’d wasted all his lives and he’d just stare at his monitor until the screen went black.
music always vibrated through the walls from the floors above and below, laughter and screaming echoed across the hallways. there didn’t seem to be that many students on campus yet, but yeonjun barely left his room anyway. he didn’t want to meet people or make friends, why should he. why would they want him.
he did go to the roof one day. it’s like he didn’t realise how many floors the building had until he climbed to the top and out into the beaming sunlight and unbearable heat; until he’d climbed up onto the ledge with the courtyard just below his feet; until he hesitated and felt the urge to step forward.
sometimes the emptiness is too much. its like a cavern in his chest. a void of emotion. sadness that instead hung over him rather than inside him. it pressed down just enough to make him feel the pressure but not enough to crack. feeling like this every day, just a little pressure pushing him down but never quite managing to consume him, it was suffocating. unbearable.
he stared at his phone screen and typed.
AUGUST 24
SUICIDE
yeonjun joined another game and played until the night began to swallow the sun.
the halls were still quiet. term wouldn’t start for a little while longer. strange noises seemed to echo through the pipes from students in distant rooms from his. his corridor was quiet, meaning any presence passing by made him jump and freeze waiting for them to move on. loud noises often frightened him, made him feel unsettled and on edge; heart racing, palms sweating and an aggressive restlessness that had him grabbing his sweat pants in his fist as he waited for the tightness to pass.
whatever it was, that clouded his brain, yeonjun could never be sure. no thought settled for long enough, they just swirled around making him feel dizzy and tired. was it guilt, anger, a deep and grieving sadness? whatever it was, it was eating him alive. consuming him without ever revealing its face. mainly because yeonjun wouldn’t let it; he refused to see, to look at it. it was too much to bear. the weight was heavy and unrelenting. perhaps a swift end was the only way out.
**
cold sweat. tight chest. an unbearable weight pressing down upon him and threatening to squeeze out of him. most nights were filled with distant noises and an equally unbearable silence hanging in the air above him. sometimes, though, it was enough for him to put his earphones in and put on some piano music and push the feelings away; put the feelings and fear in a closet and close the door for now. sometimes this was enough to allow him some hours of dreamless sleep. sleep that wasn’t filled with the horrific screams of his sister, or pools of bloods around him in the school bathroom, or the ground below luring him down as he stood at the top of a high-rise.
**
the last thing yeonjun ever expected was a knock on his door. and even more unexpected, was the panic in the voice of the person who stood there.
help me... please… help me please... someone has broken into my room and … all my stuff is missing and ..blood.. there’s so much blood and i- i- don’t know where its come from and i just… please let me in!
the voice sobbed. but there was something haunting about the way it echoed through his room from where he sat frozen on his bed. he swallowed, then spoke, barely audible, just a whisper.
are you okay? what happened? he crept towards the door. its- its okay don’t worry. calm down, okay. can you tell what happened?
he leaned forward to peer through the spyhole in his door, but quickly jerked back. the girl was sobbing, eyes red and puffy but there was blood all over her dress and in her hair and… around her mouth. her eyes were not as fearful as yeonjun expected. they were searching, with great urgency; flitting around like they were desperate to find something. anything. yeonjun swallowed again, throat tight and dry.
are you…did someone hurt you?
a crack. like bones snapping and twisting, pushing their way out from under the skin. the snarling, like some kind of ungodly creature, made yeonjun shiver and clasp his hands over his mouth as he peered through his spyhole to see the woman’s body contorting. her face still bloody but now her skin was rough and her eyes bloodshot as she screamed.
i’m so..i’m so…more sharp and unnerving sounds; a deep and horrific growling erupted from deep in her chest. a practically inhumane sound. she seemed possessed, like a monster. i’m so hungryyyy…she moaned like she was in severe pain, like she was desperate to consume something.
then her eyes, bloodshot and jet black, shot up to stare directly at yeonjun through the spyhole making him gasp again and stumble backwards. tripping over his feet, he rushed back to his bed as the girl began to bang on his door causing it to dent and the lock to shudder from the pressure. she was going to break through. surely. whatever was possessing her caused her to ram herself against the door again and again with everything she had while she screeched and growled like she was ready to devour him entirely.
shaking, yeonjun reached for a piece of wood that had snapped off the top of his desk when he first arrived. it would likely do nothing against whatever this girl was on but he figured he needed something at this point. he crept back slowly towards the door, each dent making more damage than the last.
with that, a crash from the floor above that echoed through the pipes and the floorboards causing the woman to stop suddenly. yeonjun swallowed and treaded carefully towards the door peering out to see the woman, still growling, disappear down the corridor following the noise from upstairs. yeonjun slid to the ground, breathing erratic and heart pounding. his mind racing and completely doubting what had just happened. it couldn’t be real. it was literally impossible. wide eyed, he continued to stare at his door desperate to convince himself he was only hallucinating. the dent didn’t disappear.