Chapter Text
“Go away Wakatoshi, we don't wanna play with you!”
The sun was beating down on his head and shoulders making them burn a bit, him and his mother were visiting her sisters so they could catch up. Ushijima had been excited once they originally arrived this morning, Aunties both had sons around his age and he wanted to show them his brand new volleyball. He had just joined a little league volleyball team at his local gym and he was enthralled with the game so much so he played every moment he could.
“B-but there's no one else to play with, I wanna play with you guys,” the creek near the house was babbling loud enough to almost drown out his own small voice.
“Play by yourself dumbtoshi!” His older cousin Hideo shot back.
“Yeah we don't wanna play with you, cuz if we get to close we're gonna catch your icky cooties,” his other cousin Koji joined in.
“I don't have cooties! I'm a good boy, I always wash my hands and take baths whenever mommy says,” Ushijima could feel himself getting wound up, no one’s ever talked to him like this before. Most of the other little boys he sees at the gym are nice and always will play if he asks.
“Yes you do! My mommy said, if I get too close to you, you're gonna try and infect me with your weird hand thing,” Hideo snaps out, before throwing the soccer ball they were playing with right at Ushijima's face.
Ushijima quickly ducked down to protect his face, curling up into a small ball in case they tried to throw anything else at him. He paused for a moment waiting for a blow to land from their fist or maybe a sharp kick from their small feet. He could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest, the boom of his cardiac rhythm ringing loudly in his ears, there was the beginnings of hot sweat forming on his palms from his nervousness. Once none came he quietly unfurled his little body from his safety ball to look up at the other boys.
“Why are you being such meanies, daddy says it’s not nice to treat people like that. You have to be good and nice to people or you'll make them sad,” Ushijima could feel fat teardrops beginning to form at the corners of his eyes but he brushed them away quickly with his fist. He didn't want his older cousins to think he was some cry baby.
“Your dad lied to you, its okay to be mean to freaks like you,” Koji snarled out, “in fact I heard my dad say that your dad left because he was so embarrassed to have a weirdo kid.”
“My mom said the same thing,” Hideo joined in with a big cruel smile marking his face, ”your dad was so ashamed that he had to leave the country since you were such a disappointment.”
“Stop! Stop saying stuff like that it's not true!” Ushijima knew why his dad left Japan, his cousin were trying to get under his skin. His parents sat him down and told him the reason that his dad was leaving, that they just needed some time apart to figure things out. They assured him that they loved him and he was such a special boy to them.
He knew in his head what they were saying was wrong, he wasn't some weird freak, his dad told him his left handedness made him special, it would help him in the future, and that he'd teach him everything he knew about volleyball because that was their thing together. But his heart was hurting, a person can only stand so much vitriol spewed at them before it started to hurt and he was only seven years old, he had not yet gained any resistance to these vicious words.
“Ugh this retards just not getting it Koji, lets just go play somewhere else,” Hideo walked over to the tossed soccer ball scooping it up in his arms before turning and sticking his tongue out at Ushijima. Koji followed behind, putting his fist to his head making a L for loser while staring at Ushijima.
“I...I didn't want to play with you guys anyways! You probably would have sucked at volleyball too!” Ushijima summed up his best apathetic look he could, he didn't want them to know how much they hurt his feelings.
Hideo and Koji both stopped in their tracks before turning back to look where Ushijima was standing definitely, they could see his chest rise and fall with the quick breaths he was taking and the way his little fist shook. Scowls formed on their faces as they quickly ran back to where he was standing.
“I guess you don't know your place, freak,” Koji followed up his words with a strong shove pushing Ushijima to the ground.
“Guess you need help remembering it!” Hideo snickered out, “Koji grab his arms with me.”
The two boys quickly got Ushijima’s arms in a vice grip strong enough to bruise skin, their nails digging into his soft skin. Ushijima started thrashing around as strong as he could, trying to pull his arms to his chest or shake his limbs to loosen the grip the other boys had on his arms. He dug his tennis shoes into the ground hard enough to rip out the grass and show the soft dirt underneath.
“Let me go! Let me go please!” he wailed out panic in his voice. He couldn't free himself from their hands; they were too strong for him with their combined strength.
All he could hear were the loud snickers and sneering words above him as they dragged him through the grass and dirt. His eyes were now clouded with tears as he began sobbing freely, his wet wails and pleas being answered by no one.
Ushijima could hear the water babbling louder now they must have dragged him across the yard to where the creek was. Oh they're going to throw me in he thought, he blinked out more tears, where's daddy if he were he'd make them stop.
“Ready, On the count of three! One, two, three!” Hideo and Koji’s merry voices rang out into the open air as they pushed their younger cousin down into the murky water below.
Ushijima’s world spun as he huddled down into the creek, landing with a loud splash into the water. It was cold and muddy, he could feel the water being to soak into his clothes and mud fill his shoes. He was sobbing so hard he was barely breathing in between shaky gasps. Ushijima hid his face between his small wet palms, as if he could block out the world with his hands.
“Hey dumbtoshi don't forget your stupid volleyball,” Hideo giggled out as he tossed the brand new volleyball into the muddy water where Ushijima sat.
Ushijima quickly snatched up the volleyball before the pretty white coloring could be tainted too much from the gross water he was currently sitting in. Ushijima let out a shaky breath as he scooted himself out of the creek and onto the bank, he didn't feel like getting up yet wanting to just sit by himself in the quiet.
He didn't know how long he sat out there by himself but watching how the sky turned from a bright blue to a dim pink he knew it was a long time he spent alone with his arms crossed over his head, his body shaking from the cold. His clothes were itchy on him now and his skin was rubbed raw from the mud caking his lower body.
He could hear the sound of footsteps nearing the creek before a pair of hands reached under his armpits hoisted him up from his position. He could smell his mom's perfume before he even saw her, “mommy,” he breathed out before burrowing his face in her chest to inhale her scent. He could feel his feet leave the ground as she scooped him up into her arms to hold.
“Wakatoshi, baby, listen to me,” His mom's hand brushed over his cheeks, raking her fingers through his hair just the way he liked, “ never let them see your tears, never, promise me. People are always looking for a reason to tear each other down, to hurt the people they find the easiest to hurt. Don't let them Wakatoshi, be strong, be sure of yourself, most important don't ever let them see you weak.”
Ushijima lifted his face from his mom's chest to look back into her brown eyes, the skin underneath was pink and the whites of her eyes looked bloodshot, he wondered why.
“I promise mommy.”
His mother quickly hiked back up the side of the creek with him still in her arms, face burrowed in the crook of her neck. It was nice being in her arms, she hadn't held him like this in so long, he missed being carried. They seemed to move so much faster than what his little legs could go, it was fun being so high up, he hoped he'd be tall like her and daddy.
They didn't return to aunties house, his mom just packed him into the car while taking off his dirty shoes and socks.
“Are we gonna go say bye?” Ushijima wondered aloud, he was a polite boy just like mommy and daddy taught him.
“No,” his mother sharply returned.
Ushijima began nervously wringing his hands in his lap, he did want his mom to be mad at him like Hideo and Koji were.
“Getting you home in a nice bubble bath is more important don't you think? We can put as many bubbles you want in there and you can play in the bath for as long as you want, how does that sound?” The warmth was back in her voice.
Ushijima felt a small smile form on his face he loved baths and his mom usually never let him bubbles in the bath, she said he'd never get out or actually bath himself, he'd be more preoccupied with throwing the suds in the air and pretending they were volleyballs to spike.
“A bath sounds more fun than saying bye,” he giggled out.
True to her word once they got home his mom filled the tub and let him pour half of the bubble solution into the bath, she even stayed and played with him throwing the bubbles into the air for him to hit narrating a pretend match gleefully shouting out that the ace Wakatoshi just scored another point and had the opposing team on the ropes. It felt good playing with his mom, this was the most fun she’d been in a long time. Ushijima knew she was colder to him once he first learned how to write and caught him performing tasks with his left hand, but it didn't matter now because mommy was playing with him and making funny voices to please him.
Still his mind weighed heavy on what happened earlier with his cousins, the nasty words they spit at him. Ushijima felt it in his stomach how they called him a cry baby, that he let them make him feel less than. Ushijima pushed the suds around the bath thinking that he never wanted to feel like that again, he wouldn't let himself get hurt or disappointed by others.
I'll be strong, he tells himself, looking at himself in the mirror as he gets ready for bed. His small fist tightening around his tooth brush, I'll be the strongest and no one will ever hurt me he assures himself.
The next day Ushijima heads to school with a stoic look on his face, head held high and a stone wall guarding his heart. His mother only patted his head once he exited the house, all the fun and smiles from last night were gone. Looking back he notices that his expression is the spitting image of his mom’s.