Chapter Text
Raya had only dreamed of life like today. Living like this was something beyond her wildest imagination, something a naive child version of her would’ve only believed. The fact that Kumandra was becoming a reality still felt unbelievable.
The past few months, all the tribes had gathered in the Heart and celebrated their victory over the Druun and the unification of the tribes. Everything was just perfect, in fact the only thing that Raya really missed was the thrill of combat, though Namaari seemed all too happy to spar with her whenever.
Speaking of, Namaari has changed a lot over the month. A lot of what grated Raya in the past faded away. No more was the smart-mouthed better-than-you attitude that the Fang princess usually carried, she was kind and polite. It was honestly scary, how meek and friendly she had become. It seemed so unlike the Namaari she knew. Somehow, the development made it easier for Raya to look past the woman who tried to kill her a few months past and see her as a friend again.
There was a problem though.
Namaari always seemed to make an effort to draw a line in the sand when it came to anyone else, even around her own people. Whenever Raya tried to invite her to hang out with the gang, she would find some way to weasel out of it and head elsewhere. Honestly, Raya understood if she needed a little alone time, Raya herself wasn’t really all that used to hanging around people that much yet either, but if Namaari wasn’t training or doing work, Raya would always find her idling alone.
“I...don’t have any friends.” Namaari admitted when Raya had asked.
“ Really ?” exclaimed Raya incredulously. “Thought you were joking about the whole ‘crazy cat lady’ thing.”
“...Yeah.” Namaari looked a little awkward, raising one hand to fiddle with her hair. “Can’t believe you still remember… that.” She sounded embarrassed.
“That comeback was maybe on the top 10 most annoying things you’ve said to me, how could I forget.” Raya scoffed, hoping to lighten the mood, though Namaari looked even more embarrassed.
“Uhm, sorry.”
Seeing as Namaari was getting uncomfortable, Raya decided to just smile comfortingly and leave it. “So, no friends? Not even with the people in your tribe?”
“I’m the chief’s daughter. Not exactly in a position to be ‘hanging out’ like this.” Namaari explained, emphasizing the last part with her hands.
“Oh, I guess things are different in Fang, huh?” stated Raya, sort of in sympathy. She couldn’t even imagine having no friends in her childhood. “Wait, does that mean…” Raya leaned towards her now-friend, who looked nervous. “ Aww , Namaari, am I your first friend?”
The woman stared blankly, stunned by the statement. “I guess you were.”
Raya scoffed. “I’m sure you meant to just say ‘yes’. We’re friends now, right?” She touched Namaari on the shoulder.
“Yeah.” She said after a while, giving her companion a small polite, shy smile.
Raya had been taken a little aback, expecting some sort of sarcastic quip from her instead of a shy one. It was a little strange, this new Namaari was kinda creepy. Though she supposed that this was just one of the things she had to get used to in this new world of Kumandra.
But humans being humans, it was only a matter of time before distrust and discourse reared its ugly head again, once the high of surviving the Druun began to wear off. The cracks of the unification began to show and Raya realized it had been foolish to believe that things would be alright after the ‘happily ever after’.
There was a general consensus among the tribes against Fang. It was hard not to, they were technically the ones responsible for it all. The hushed whispers of the people around her made it difficult for the people of Fang, Namaari included, to really fit in.
Her father had been handling most of the tribe negotiations and she knew a little of what was going on. Tail residents seemed eager to move from the dry lands into the much more fruitful lands of the Heart, an action that her father welcomed. Things with Spine seemed to go well, mostly due to Tong’s influence. Talon wanted to set up a marketplace in every land and even though it was taking a bit longer to plan that all out, it seemed to be going well. While there were still many kinks to work out, the biggest problem was the mistrust between Fang and the other clans. Chief Benja seemed to be the only one willing to give Fang another chance, leaving the reunification discussion at an awkward stalemate.
The going-ons with her other friends seemed alright, Sisu seemed to wrangle everyone up for some free time almost every other day, but Namaari only seemed to drift further away, growing a little more quieter each day. She took more time to herself for ‘work’. It seemed like she was deep in thought about something, but Raya couldn’t really figure out what.
One day, Namaari approached her, looking rather upset. Raya assumed it must’ve been about the negotiations earlier that day, something she couldn’t attend because she was handling some diplomatic stuff as the ‘dragon ambassador’, whatever that meant. Apparently because Sisu’s her friend, suddenly Raya was the ‘chosen one’ expected to handle favors and relations between them.
But putting that aside, she had heard from her father that Namaari had been present at the meeting instead of Chief Virana, who returned to Fang to oversee some of the repairs to the city. Even though the meeting had started out amiable at first, it seems that some of the meeting members recognized Namaari as the one who instigated the Druun six years ago. Maybe it was just too soon, or the meeting was always doomed to break down, but it was all it took for Namaari to walk out of the meeting before it ended.
“I heard what happened at the meeting.” Raya sympathized. “Are you okay?”
The Fang princess didn’t answer right away though Namaari seemed slightly relieved to see her. But her expression changed into something much more grim, the most serious Raya had seen her since the dispellment of the Druun. “Raya, if it was a matter of life or death… would it matter how you felt?”
“Where’s this coming from?” asked Raya, confused.
“I need your answer.” she said simply, in a tone reminiscent of how Namaari used to talk.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I guess not?” Raya answered honestly. “Though sometimes it’s better to do what you feel is best, so I guess it would... matter?”
She took in Raya’s anwer with the utmost seriousness. “Thank you.” Then she gave her a nod of her head and walked away before Raya had a chance to question her about it all. Namaari seemed to be thinking about something, but Raya honestly wasn’t sure if their friendship level right now was enough for her to pry for details.
Namaari seemed distant after that. Raya often saw her quietly studying scrolls, one time even talking to a dragon. If Namaari wasn’t meek before, she certainly was now.
It would be almost another month later when Raya finally managed to convince Namaari to hang out with her and the group again.Everyone’s families were stopping in town for one way or another, so they decided to just hang out for old time’s sake.
She was running a bit late to the meetup, she had been helping her father with some stuff. Honestly, Raya didn’t even realize how much work being a princess really was until now, running around for six years trying to find a river almost seemed preferable.
Walking down the hallways of her home, Raya was overcome by the atmospheric nostalgia that the walls of this place held. It was hard to think that not too long ago, this place was a deserted derelict and she was on the run, being hunted by none other than Namaari.
She finally found their new meeting spot, a little newly constructed house that her father allowed her to use whenever her friends came to stay over in the Heartlands for a while. It was a nice scenic place, close to the water where the view was fantastic, as it had always been.
Even before she stepped into the room, a large figure appeared by her side, startling him with a slap on the back. “Ah, there you are!” The hulking figure of her Spine friend exclaimed loudly. “I was worried the Druun had gotten you.”
“Hey guys, long time no see.” Raya greeted her friends. Little Noi came waddling towards her and Raya leaned down to give her a hug.
“Raya!” Sisu exclaimed cheerfully. “Also, don’t be silly, Tong, there aren’t any of them left!” She was in her human form, shoveling food into her mouth.
“It’s just an expression.” The man said cheerfully.
Boun approached her, a bowl in his hands and a suave grin on his face, handing it to Raya as she stood up. “Saved some for ya, any longer and the baby would’ve eaten it all.”
Noi made a grumpy face and one of her ongis flipped a spoon right into Bouns face, causing him to drop the bowl. Thankfully, Raya was close enough to scoop it up before it clattered to the floor. Noi giggled happily as Boun turned to her in annoyance.
“Keep that up, and I’ll tell your mother.” Boun warned, picking up the spoon on the ground and waving it at her threateningly. Noi scoffed, but then he smirked. “ Or, maybe I won’t be making someone any more of my world-class famous congee.”
Noi gasped and made a frustrated sound, causing more of a ruckus. Though Raya didn’t feel the need to participate in the core of the hubbub, watching them like this felt comforting. Her family had always been her father and her, not that she minded, but she wondered if this is what it would be like if their family was bigger.
After a moment of enjoying the ‘show’, Raya noticed that there was one person missing from the group, the person she had actually been looking forward to most to meeting. She glanced around and noted that there were only enough bowls for the people already here. She stopped Boun with a hand, quieting the conversation for a moment as she looked to the others.
“Where’s Namaari?”
At the sound of her name, Raya noticed that her friends had grown strangely silent. They exchanged awkward looks with each other, except for Sisu, who sat up and looked around curiously, unaware that anything was going wrong.
“I could’ve sworn she was right here a moment ago.” Sisu looked to the others, clearly waiting for someone to chip in. When someone didn’t right away, Sisu finally seemed to pick up that something was amidst.
“She said she wanted to eat alone.” Boun said after a while, with a little shrug. He gestured vaguely out the window in one direction. “Out there.”
“ What ?” Sisu exclaimed before Raya could say anything. “That’s no fun, then let’s go out there too!” With a whirl, Sisu was now a dragon again, bouncing up on all fours. She was about to take a step towards the door, but noticed that no one else had made a move with her. “What’s wrong? …Why do you all look like that?”
“Listen, dragon.” started Tong, a serious tone to his voice. “I know you mean well. But that girl, she’s Fang.”
“What’s that got to do with anything?” Sisu sat down again, looking even more confused.
“You don’t get it, Sisu, she’s the Fang. You know, the one who broke it all.” Boun spoke up, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms. "Hanging out with her is a little…" He made a face, a mixture between discomfort and disgust.
“You don’t trust her.” Raya stated, finally saying the words that were in the air but not spoken. Somehow, hearing this sort of hurt. Raya hadn’t realized that her friends still thought like this. Though in hindsight, it made sense, Namaari doesn’t hang out with them much. Their impression was still mostly the same as it was when the ordeal ended, maybe a bit better since Namaari still held up her part during the final stand. Though that didn’t seem enough to change their overall opinions.
Sisu looked thoroughly shocked, but at the same time heartbroken. “But you must have!” She made a gesture with her hands, fidgeting slightly. “Otherwise the gem wouldn’t have worked.”
“It’s more like I trusted Raya, who happened to trust the girl.” Tong picked up Noi, who just babbled.
The dragon looked to Raya, looking sadder than she did before. “But Raya, you trust her… right?”
Suddenly put on the spot, all the room’s eyes turned to look at her as they waited for her response. She swallowed nervously and met Sisu’s eyes, who was looking at her so earnestly. The words Raya wished to say couldn’t seem to come out.
“You know what, I’ll go check on her.” Raya said finally.
Sisu looked upset by her answer, but gave a small nod as she looked down at her congee bowl. It looked like she wanted to say more, but the revelation of this seemed to upset her. It was a bit harder for the conversation to pick up after that, but Raya didn’t really stay to see how it would all pan out.
Exiting the room, Raya walked outside, feeling the fresh cool evening air wash over her. She looked around, seeing if she could spot where Namaari could’ve gone. After a moment of just wandering around, Raya finally spotted her, a little ways away. She was sitting on a ledge alone, staring out into the nighttime scenery; a bowl of untouched congee next to her.
“Hey, dep la .” greeted Raya, trying to sound as friendly as could be. Her voice seemed to startle Namaari who jumped a little. She calmed down after a moment, but still looked nervous. “Looking mighty strong and mysterious there.” Raya smiled, sitting down next to her, the bowl of congee on her lap.
Namaari looked at Raya for a moment, her eyes darting around, like she wanted to say something. She seemed tense.
“Why are you out here?” asked Raya, trying to create any semblance of conversation. Though she instantly regretted asking at all, considering the fact that she knew exactly why Namaari was here on her own instead of with everyone else.
“I don't belong there.” Namaari answered after a small silence. “It's better this way.”
“This is Kumandra.” Raya put a hand on Namaari’s shoulder. “ Everyone belongs here now.”
“ Hmph , you’ve always been sappy.” Namari said, a hint of her old personality rising to the surface as she patted Raya’s hand on her shoulder. A second passed and she took the hand off her. “It’s too late for me.”
Hearing this, Raya put aside her congee bowl and sucked in a deep breath, realizing that the conversation now was making her lose her appetite. Not that the topic disgusted her, somehow it just didn’t feel appropriate to be stuffing her face right now.
“Give people some time. It’s only been a few months.” suggested Raya, trying to sound encouraging and hopeful, though honestly it was a bit awkward; Sisu was better at this kind of thing than she was. “I think it’s still too early to say that for sure.”
“Trust is earned, not expected, Raya. You know this better than anyone.” Namaari glanced at Raya before looking down at her hands. “I didn’t earn your trust, I didn’t deserve it.”
Even though it hadn’t been said, Raya knew she was referring to the final stand against the Druun. They never really brought it up in conversation before, it was all just a really awkward subject, so Raya was a bit taken aback when Namaari just brought it up like this.
“You don’t get to decide that.” scoffed Raya lightly. “ I get to decide who deserves my trust.”
Namaari shook her head. “You had every reason not to trust me.” She clasped her hands together, giving Raya a serious look. “If we had been in any other situation, would you have trusted me?”
“I-I... “ Raya stuttered, finding herself unable to answer right away, but Namaari seemed to take her silence as an answer and looked away. Raya tried to speak up again.“If I hadn’t been so hasty in the meeting before, I would have-”
“I’ll put it another way, Raya.” Namaari cut her off before she could continue. The warrior princess hopped off the ledge they had been sitting on, her back still to Raya. “You may have trusted me at that moment ... but do you forgive me? For stabbing you in the back? Not once, but twice ? For taking your father away? For killing Sisu? For putting you through six years of isolation and suffering?” Namaari looked back at her, an expression full of regret and anger, eyes tearing up. "Do you really... forgive me for all that, Raya..?” Her voice was shaky, quiet. The guilt in her voice was agonizingly clear.
Raya opened her mouth to speak, but it was like she was choking on air. The heroic and more diplomatic side of her wanted to say yes, that of course she forgave her, that things are alright now, but… somehow she just couldn’t . Maybe Raya had just been caught up in the high of the idealism of Kumandra and seeing her father again that she had forgotten how painful it had been those six years. Hanging out with Namaari these past few months as friends were great. It was honestly one of the things she always looked forward to nowadays, something some part of her always wanted but thought was lost. But all that trauma and pain wouldn’t just wash away just because things were better now, even if Raya pretended they were.
It would still take a while for the nightmares to go away.
The silence must have been painful. Namaari's face twisted up in obvious pain; she just wanted Raya to just say something. But in a moment, all that suddenly faded and her expression grew strangely complacent. Somehow, it looked like she had given up.
“Namaari, I-” Raya tried to say, trying to find a way to weasel her way out of the implications of her lack of an answer.
“You’re a good friend, Raya. A friend that someone like me doesn’t deserve. You’ve been reaching out to me despite what I’ve done to you. These past few months… they’ve been fun.” Namaari turned her back to her once more, her voice tight with grief. “But don’t be sorry. I wouldn’t have forgiven me either.”
Namaari turned around and started walking away, head down. She was rubbing her arms and judging by the way her shoulders shook, Raya could tell she was crying.
Stunned, Raya had trouble trying to figure out what to say or do. She just looked after Namaari, mouth agape. When her bearings finally kicked in, Raya tried to stand up, calling out to her friend. “Namaari, wait! That’s not what I meant!” But Naamari didn’t stop.
She watched her friend disappear out of sight and Raya just slumped back down unable to make herself run after her, still shocked by her own feelings and how she felt about Namaari. Raya had thought she had already forgiven her after spending the last few months together...but it still seemed all too soon.
“ Good job , Raya.” She muttered to herself. Raya hadn’t meant for the conversation to end out this way. She had the full intention of approaching Namaari to cheer her up. Have a nice convo like they had so many times before in the past few months.
Raya felt sort of silly, thinking that it had all been roses. It was obvious that it would still take some time for their friendship to mend, but somewhere along the way, Raya must’ve forgotten the real issues they had to sort out. They always danced around the topic of the past, it almost seemed better that way. Sisu must’ve really rubbed off on her; she had been naive to think that they would be able to pick things up from where they left off six years ago. Too much has changed, even if they had their little happily ever after.
Ugh, life was just so complicated.
It took a while before Raya felt the will to move again. The mixed emotions she felt were overwhelming. She thought about looking for Namaari again, but it felt like she may just make things worse. Maybe she would try talking to her tomorrow, to clear things up. She noticed her own bowl of congee was untouched, but she had lost what little appetite she had. Namaari had left her bowl here too. Feeling a mix of guilt and sadness, she picked up the two bowls to return to her friends inside.
To her surprise, Sisu was nervously waiting in front of the entrance. Upon seeing her, the dragon approached her, a look of happiness on her face that quickly changed when she saw Raya was alone.
“Where’s Namaari?” Sisu asked, her eyes glancing towards the two bowls in Raya’s hands.
“I think she needs some time alone.” Raya told her friend. She handed the dragon the two bowls. “Here, you can have this, I’m not hungry.”
Sisu took the two bowls, looking crestfallen. “You know, now that the Druun are gone, I thought things would be okay now… but there’s a whole lotta drama I wasn’t ready for. You humans are so complicated. Everything was going so well at first, but now… I just wanted everyone to be friends, I thought we were…”
Understanding Sisu’s plight, Raya patted the dragon on the arm. “It’s been 500 years of animosity between the tribes. There’s no way all that is going to just vanish in a few months, Sisu. I think everyone just needs a little time, even Namaari.”
“It would be nicer if everyone just became friends.”
“Baby steps, Sisu. Even if it’s slow-going, everyone is slowly making steps in the right direction.” At least, that’s what Raya hoped.
Sisu smiled at Raya’s words and offered her one of the bowls back. “I know you said you weren’t hungry, but just have a bite. Come on, I heard that stomach rumbling.”
Raya looked at the bowl and hesitated for a moment. Then she sighed and reached out to take it back from Sisu, who gladly gave it back. “Maybe just a little.”
“Then let’s go back in! Tong said he was going to teach us a fun Spine game!” Sisu said, gesturing towards the inside. She still looked a little frazzled by what happened, but looked to be making an effort to keep the positivity going. Raya smiled, one of Sisu’s strengths.
She was about to follow Sisu, but a churning heart stopped her just as she was about to step in. Raya looked back out into the shadowy lengths of the night time scenery. The warmth of the light and people inside could only go so far in the darkness outside. Namaari was out there in the darkness, alone. Somehow, it didn’t feel right to leave her out there, but Raya felt helpless. Even if Namaari had been the catalyst for all that happened, did she really deserve to be out there alone?
“Just need some time.” Raya murmured quietly to herself. She clutched her bowl tightly, hoping that just thinking about it very hard would magically make things feel better.
Though if Raya knew that this would be the last time she saw Namaari, then maybe she would have gone out and looked for her after all.