Work Text:
Nothing prepared him. Nothing could prepare him for this moment. All his life, he had never understood what he was doing, never understood where he was going or when everything would click together. The first time he had even felt remotely 'secure' was joining the 118; walking through the garage door and up those stairs shook something into place. The second time it happened, the piece grew when Maddie came into town, especially when she fought for her life to get back.
He had thought those moments would have prepared him for the next time, the next time a piece fit into place. Neither of those moments prepared him.
It came to him on a random Tuesday; it had been a semi-slow shift, only a few minor calls to keep them all alert but still dragging on. They had just come back from a car crash, a young teen boy getting sideswiped by another driver distracted by their phone; only minor cuts and bruises that needed only a quick glance over... Bobby had told him to help get the fire truck ready for the next call, restock everything and ensure that all their equipment was in its proper place. Knowing that the task was tedious, he took his time. During that time, when the early evening light was shining through the open door at just the right angle, he had his third moment.
The first time he had met Eddie, the animosity was evident to everyone around him; he felt insecure, and he will openly admit that he was a bit of a jackass. Thankfully, that animosity went away just as quickly as it had reared its ugly head, but the thing that didn't go away was how gorgeous Eddie was. Over the last couple of years, he continued to notice little things about Eddie. It started as just a way to get to know the guy better but soon turned into something more, something that he hadn't felt for anyone before. Learning the things Eddie liked (gin-and-tonics, crispy vegetables, having his feet massaged, soap operas especially telanova's) to what he disliked (brussel sprouts, having dirt under his nails, cherry flavoured beer, pointless action movies) always caused a flutter in his chest. Add on having the opportunity to hang out with the coolest kid in the entire world, and Buck knew he was completely and utterly screwed.
For some reason or another, he had glanced towards the stairs just as the orange glow of the sun hit Eddie as he was walking down. Catching him just as he dropped his head back in laughter at something that Chimney had said. The glow illuminated the tan skin of his throat, brought out the twinkle in his smile, and caused Buck's heart to go BUM-BUM-BUM; because at that moment, another piece clicked inside of his heart.
"Buck. Buck. BUCK!"
"What?" He said, snapping his head around to find an amused Hen looking at him, her arms folded over her chest.
Blushing, he looked back towards the rig where he had been wiping down before the sun decided to light Eddie up in an angelic glow. Sighing, he swiped the rag clenched in his hand across the bright red paint of the rig, hoping that his heart would slow down; honestly, it felt like an Olympic sprinter. It has gotten worse. For some reason, his 'crush,' as Maddie once called it, has grown to the point that he couldn't even look at Eddie without feeling like he was having a heart attack. Quickly finishing his task, he tossed the rag into the hamper and dunked into the bunks, hoping they were empty and that he might be able to breathe.
Thankfully they were.
Within seconds, he had grabbed his pillow and simply screamed. He screamed as loudly as he deemed was acceptable and as long as his lungs allowed. The thing about his feelings for Eddie was that he was utterly lost at finding out if the older man was even fully straight or not. There have been a plethora of moments that he felt that Eddie might not be fully straight; after one too many beers, Eddie has confided in him that on more than one occasion, he had frequented a few gay bars in El Paso under the guize of crashing at a friends house. Plus, it is LA, and no one here is ashamed of their sexuality here; therefore, the amount of time Eddie has openly flirted back at a man on a call or at a bar can be counted on both hands.
Their relationship, as everyone else commented on, was not 'typical' of best friends. That they were a tad bit co-dependent and extremely affectionate with one another, but he was always physical with his friends; it was another thing his parents didn't deem 'appropriate.' Nonetheless, he could never fully grasp if Eddie was interested in being more than friends or if he was projecting onto the relationship.
Sighing, he let his hands fall to his side, the pillow hiding his face away from the room and anyone who might enter. It was strange. He had thought, maybe believed, that what he had felt for Abby had been the 'end-all-be-all of what feeling could feel like, but Eddie had incinerated that. Eddie was the person he could rely on, the person he could talk to about anything, and the person who made him feel safe. Now, that doesn't mean he couldn't see the faults, or flaws, that Edmundo Diaz had, but they didn't take away from the fondness Buck held for the other man. Instead, it inflamed the fondness.
Before he could delve further into his chaotic brain, his phone began signing; his chosen ringtone at the moment was 'Watermelon Sugar' because Harry Styles deserves some respect.
"Hello?"
"Hey buddy, can I rant to you about my dumbass boyfriend for a few minutes?"
"TK you are always allowed to rant about your boyfriend to me," Buck responded with a chuckle.
"Just making sure because this man can be completely dense about things and I just need someone who isn't at the station to hear about this." TK said before going off about his boyfriend's ridiculous nature, apparently mixing up baking soda with baking powder and then completely denying the mistake is absurd.
"...I saw the label once I got home and tried to tell him but he won't admit it! He is so stubborn, like extremely stubborn."
"Pot, kettle."
"Watch it Buckley, I know where you live, and even though I am in a different state, will make your life a living hell." TK threatened, but Buck could hear the smile on his face.
"You say that I know that you love my sarcasm and witty nature."
"Mmmhmm...wait aren't you on shift today?" TK asked.
"Yeah but today has been a steady pace, nothing too crazy so we have been able to have a solid meal." He responds, already feeling slightly better.
The other end of the line was quiet for a few moments that Buck could hear the roaring of a few cars driving past wherever the other man was.
"You okay Buck?"
Sighing again, Buck just stared at the underside of the pillow, unsure of how to answer that question after the revelation that happened only a few minutes ago.
"I'm in love with Eddie."
Silence again before laughter crashed through the phone, causing him to sit up on the bed, the poor pillow ending up on the floor to the left of the bed.
"TK, I swear to whatever is up there that I will find some way to cause you harm," he says sternly.
"Buck..I think you've been in love with Eddie for a while." TK says, the laughter dying slowly but not fast enough.
"I think so too but today it just hit me like a tsunami, I know it's a bad joke, but it's the way it felt. The sun had hit him just right and my heart wanted to jump out of my chest to surrender to him. I've known this feeling has been nothing like what I felt for others, that these are stronger, passionate, and that I would do anything for him. But I'm also scared as fuck." He explained, feeling bile inching towards his throat and a heavy press against his chest.
"It's okay to be scared, I was the entire time with Carlos before I finally saw what was right in front of me. Relationships and love are complicated, messy, and scary but they are also wonderful, passionate, and loving. Taking that leap of faith, unsure of whether or not you're going to plummet or be caught, but that leap is worth it all," TK starts to explain. "All I know is that no matter what happens you have people around you that will be there no matter what and that includes Eddie."
He felt a tear fall onto his head before he even realized he was crying. TK was right; this was a leap of faith that he needed to take but maybe not yet.
"Thanks TK, just thank you," he said softly, hesitant of what he might sound like.
"Anytime Buck, I'm here if you ever need to talk or want a silly story." TK said, the smile evident in his voice.
Before Buck could respond, the alarm rang throughout the station; saying a quick goodbye to his new friend, he wiped his face and ran out of the bunks. He was met with the craze that came from the alarm blast and smiled at it all. While he was still unsure of where he fits in, he knew one thing; he was happy with where he was now.
"Buckley get your ass in motion!"
His smile grew as he sprinted over to the truck, to where his family was.