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"Wait, so let me get this straight," Lucy said with a furrowed look on her face. "Crumble is a baking app where amateur bakers are matched with experienced bakers for 1-on-1 lessons."
"Aye," Cana replied, pulling out a chair and plopping down into it.
"Fumble is a similar app for football players."
"I don't really understand the sport, but sure."
"Humble is an app where you can check your privilege."
"Ha, why would I need an app to tell me I'm not humble?"
"Rumble is used to set up matches for Natsu's Fight Club."
"That idiot and his Fight Club," the older woman scoffed, shaking her head. "Speaking of apps, have ya heard about Bumble?"
"No, why? Is that an app for saving the bees or something?"
"No, hun," the brunette laughed. "It's a dating app!"
"W-Why would I be interested in a dating app?" Lucy sputtered, flustered.
"Live a little, doll." Cana cajoled, slinging an arm around the blonde. "You're about to leave the reckless, carefree life of a high-schooler. Enjoy your freedom before you become an adult shackled with responsibilities. Do something spontaneous. Get a tattoo. Go skinny-dipping. Have a summer fling."
"I'm not interested in dating, Cana."
"I never said anything about dating, Lucy. That's the whole point of a fling, no strings attached."
"I don't know-"
"I swear to God, if you're holding out for Natsu, I'm gonna throttle you!" Cana threatened, placing her hands on Lucy's shoulders and shaking her vigorously. "That boy wouldn't know attraction even if it smacked him in the face like one of his 'Fire Dragon's Iron Fist' or some shit. All he does is go around shouting his fight moves as if he's the main character of some anime or something."
"I don't like Natsu like that. We're just friends," Lucy clarified, gently removing Cana's hold on her. "I'm not interested in dating apps because people are usually only after one thing."
"Listen, Lucy," the brunette sobered, clasping her hands around the blonde's. "You've got a banging body, and it deserves to be worshipped. There are loads of people out there who can do that for you besides the dunderheads you hang out with who only care about fighting. I say this with love because I grew up with those dunderheads, but there are plenty of fish in the sea."
"Isn't that another dating app?"
"See, you've already looked into it!" Cana exclaimed with triumph. "All I'm saying is that you don't have to commit if you don't want to, nor do you have to do anything you're not comfortable with. Just cast your net out and see what you catch."
"I thought we were talking about Bumble?"
"Oh right, er, be a honeypot and see what bees you attract?"
"So you want me to use my body and feminine wiles to extort people for money?"
"Woah, wait, what?!"
"You said 'be a honeypot.' A honeypot is a term in espionage where you-"
"Fine, a flower! Be a flower!"
"I think I'm allergic to flowers."
"Stop trying to distract me!" Cana accused, wagging a stern finger at Lucy. "Here, why don't I help you get started," she continued, taking Lucy's phone from where it sat on the table.
"Hey! That's password-protected, you know!"
"Psh, as if I don't know your password."
"This is a complete violation of my privacy," Lucy huffed, crossing her arms across her chest.
"I'm respecting your privacy by keeping this between us but asserting my authority as your friend by looking through your pictures anyway~."
"No, Cana, wait!" Lucy exclaimed, trying unsuccessfully to regain possession of her phone.
"Damn, girl, you look smoking hot in this bikini. Can I have it?"
"The bikini?"
"No, the pic!"
"Uh-"
"Alright, profile photos have been chosen," Cana resumed, not giving the blonde a chance to respond. "Now, onto your bio. How would you describe your ideal night out?"
"I don't know. Dinner? Maybe a walk along the riverside? A night just stargazing on the grass?" Lucy hedged with a frown on her face. "Cana, are you sure about this?"
"Don't you worry your pretty blonde head over this. Now, if you could teleport to anywhere this weekend, where would it be?"
Lucy sighed but relented. "A beach probably or maybe an island paradise with crystal blue waters and white sandy beaches."
"Same, girl," Cana agreed before turning the phone so both women could see the screen. "Okay, let's see what we've got."
"Jeez, everyone has the same kinds of pictures," Lucy complained after a while. "A picture with their car, their dog, them partying with their friends, a shirtless bathroom mirror selfie, and them at the gym."
"Well, it's not like we can filter by their level of creativity."
"Wait, how do I already have matches?" Lucy exclaimed, eyeing the notifications on the corner of the screen.
"Oh, I was swiping right the whole time."
"What?! Cana! How do you know if they're even a good match or not?"
"That's exactly why I went ahead and swiped right on everyone! You'd be too afraid and never make a move. That totally defeats the purpose of Bumble!"
"It's not like I wanted to do this in the first place!" Lucy panicked, jumping from her chair.
"Calm down, Lucy," Cana placated, ushering the blonde back to her seat. "We can start slowly. Look, you've matched with Gray. How cute. How about we message him?"
"But Gray is just a friend. I've never seen him as anything else."
"Then consider this practice."
"I don't even know what to say."
"You could start with 'hey' just to get things rolling."
"Alright then..."
Gray Fullbuster
Me: hey?
Gray: hey Lucy!
Gray: what r u doing on bumble?
Me: ah...
Me: well...
Me: funny story...😬
"I can't do this. This is too awkward," Lucy cried, letting her head slump into her arms on the table.
"Give it here," Cana swiped the phone from Lucy's hands.
Gray Fullbuster
Me: whats ur idea of a fun date?
Gray: a night in playing strip poker 👀👀👀
"What kind of pervert plays strip poker on the first date?!" Cana fumed, getting up and walking to the fridge. "I don't think I can continue this sober."
"Subtle, Gray, real subtle, " Lucy sighed, picking up the phone where Cana had tossed it on the table. "Maybe we should try someone else?"
"Huh, look at that. Loke matched with you," Cana hummed, peering over Lucy's shoulder.
"Who?"
"Hmm, you might not have seen him around Fairy Tail yet. He's usually out on a date or clubbing."
"Out on dates? That's a hard pass."
"Maybe he's in-between girlfriends. At least you know he's an experienced lover. Plus, he's in Fairy Tail, so you know he's been vetted by Master."
Lucy didn't bother rebutting and instead began typing.
Loke
Me: hey
Loke: hey babe
Loke: when we go out
Loke: i wont need to stargaze
Loke: your eyes shine brighter ⭐
Me: 🤭
Loke: so u interested in the stars?
Me: yeah im planning on going into astronomy
Loke: wait planning?
Me: yeah i start in the astronomy program at fiore this fall
Me: why?
Loke has left the chat
"What the hell?! He just left the chat?"
"Ah, so I guess the rumours are true," Cana reclaimed her seat and took a healthy gulp of her beer.
"Wait, what rumours?"
"Apparently, Loke works at Fiore, though I don't know what he does."
With a sinking feeling in her gut, Lucy quickly opened the school's homepage. "He's going to be my professor?! That's it, I'm done, I'm ruined," she lamented, repeatedly face-planting into the table. "How am I supposed to face him now?"
"Maybe we should try someone not in Fairy Tail," Cana sheepishly suggested, quickly grabbing the phone from the sobbing girl. "Hey, he looks cute, and it looks like he's from Sabertooth."
Sting Eucliffe
Me: hey
Sting: hey beautiful 😘
Sting: do you need a buff blond body to be your bed-warmer? 👫+🛏=🔥🥵
"Ew, no," Lucy rejected, having recovered after resigning to her fate of switching to a general major. "And what's with his obsession with the letter 'B'?"
"Well, you see, I thought it was kinda clever to put in your bio-"
"What did you do?" Lucy cried, wrestling the drunkard for her phone and navigating back to her profile. "'I'm known for...being a buxom blonde babe?!' Cana!"
"I mean, I'm not wrong," Cana deflected, snatching up the phone. "Let's try someone that doesn't go to Fiore. Oh, look, this guy says he's a councilman."
Siegrain
Me: hey
Siegrain: if you're looking for paradise...
Siegrain: let me take you to my tower
"Alright, I guess that's a sign to stop," Cana resigned, placing the phone face down on the table. "Why don't we get a drink at the pub? I'll even buy you one of those drinks that's more sugar than alcohol." Not waiting for her response, Cana grabbed Lucy, and they were out the door.
"What's wrong with her?" Laxus quirked an eyebrow, gesturing to the blonde woman throwing back shots like they were water.
"She matched with Loke on Bumble only to find out he's going to be her professor," Cana explained, raising her glass as if saluting the blonde.
"How was I supposed to know Loke was Dr. Leo? -hic-" Lucy cried, resting her cheek on the table's surface. "All the professors have constellation-related aliases."
"Yeesh, that's bad," Laxus sympathized, taking a slow sip of his own drink.
"It's not just bad, it's terrible! -hic- How am I supposed to face him? -hic- No, I'm gonna have to change majors. -hic- But what if I see him on campus?" Lucy straightened in her seat, face dawning with horror at her realization. "I have to change schools. Change my name, cut my hair, and move across country and start a new life."
"Don't you think you're over-exaggerating just a bit, Lucy?"
"No, Cana, I'm no longer Lucy Heartfilia of Fiore. I am Lusha Ashley of Guiltina!"
"Whatever you say, Blondie. I think it's time you switch to water," Laxus advised, gently prying the shot glass from her fingers.
"No, Laxus, I will no longer be a buxom blonde babe! Starting tomorrow, I will dedicate my life to chastity with only my crew cut to keep me company!"
"C-Chastity?" Laxus paled, looking to the brunette in askance.
"Aye, we didn't have much luck with Bumble. Maybe we should've tried Plenty of Fish," Cana contemplated, attempting to drown her thoughts in her barrel of booze.
"Right...You gonna be okay? I'm gonna take this one back to your dorm. Looks like she's had enough," Laxus eyed the now sleeping blonde.
"Yeah, I'm just getting started. Mira will probably let me sleep it off here or call Bacchus to take me home."
Laxus nodded before finishing the last of his drink and made his way over to the other blonde. Scooping her up into his arms, Laxus gave Cana a nod in parting and walked out of the pub.
"Hey, Laxus~~" Lucy slurred from her spot against his shoulder. "What's your idea of a fun date?"
"What?" Laxus asked, stumbling a bit at the sudden question.
"A date. If we went on a date, what would you have planned?"
"I don't know, whatever you'd want to do," he replied, resolutely looking straight ahead with a faint blush on his cheeks.
"So not strip poker or locking me up in a tower?"
"What the hell? Of course not!"
"Good. You're already better than those bozos on Bumble," Lucy sighed in relief before snuggling back into his chest.
Laxus could only shake his head in disbelief and instead focused on his destination. Once in Lucy's room, he carefully lowered her onto the bed and stepped into the kitchen.
"Laxus~" Lucy mumbled drowsily, poking her head out from underneath the covers. "Where'd you go?"
As if being summoned, Laxus re-emerged, holding a glass of water and a small, white plastic bottle of some sort. "Here," he offered, placing the items on her nightstand. "You're gonna want to take these in the morning."
"Hey, Laxus," Lucy said solemnly, waiting for his full, undivided attention.
At her tone, he gingerly sat on the edge of her bed and twisted his body to face her. "What's wrong, Lucy?"
Sitting up, she took her time assessing the man before her. "You have a buff blond body, right?"
"Uh, yeah, I guess," he agreed, a look of utter befuddlement on his face. "Why?"
With as much grace as a drunk person could possibly possess, Lucy crawled forward until she was practically in Laxus' lap.
"Wanna be my bed-warmer?" she purred.
Laxus could only gape as he watched her fall back against her pillows and dissolve into a fit of giggles.
Not one to let Lucy have the last laugh, Laxus waited until she regained composure before tucking her in. With a deceptively gentle smile, he leaned close enough that his lips brushed against the shell of her ear and whispered,
"Ask me again when you're sober."
Relishing in the furious blush that coloured her cheeks, Laxus shot Lucy a final wink before making his way out of her dorm.
It wasn't until he was halfway down the hall, did he realize,
.
.
.
"Ah, she's probably not going to remember this in the morning."