Chapter Text
“What do you mean, no?”
“Exactly what I say Harry. No.”
“But…”
Eggsy doesn’t think he has ever seen Harry speechless before. Even when in the midst of memory loss and confusion he had a civilised answer and response to everything. Hell, even when Ginger and Merlin almost drowned him, he’d responded with manners and politeness.
When the Statesman lout had talked of sucking dick Harry had responded with a horrified look and a polite but dismayed ‘I hardly think that will be necessary’. The man had an answer for everything. So, watching him stammer at Merlin is an unsettling experience.
“I’m sorry, Harry.” Merlin who at first appeared to be enjoying himself at Harry’s discomfort takes pity on him when Harry slumps into the chair across from Merlin’s desk.
Eggsy is confused. He had just started a debrief with Merlin following his return from a swift in and out intel exchange in Paris. A textbook mission, smooth as you like and Eggsy was enjoying the telling of it, when Harry burst through the door - without knocking if you’d believe it - and interrupts them both.
“What do you mean, no?”
Merlin looks pointedly at Harry before answering. “Exactly what I say Harry. No.”
“But…”
“No.”
“But Hamish…”
“No.”
Harry slumps into the chair, seeming to notice Eggsy for the first time. “Oh. Hello Eggsy. Now, Merlin…”
“Harry…”
Eggsy looks between them like a spectator at a tennis match and attempts to greet Harry.
“Afternoon, Harry.”
“Merlin.” Harry ignores Eggsy. “I don’t think you understand.”
“I understand perfectly.” Merlin softens his voice “The answer is still no. You are a grown man Harry, and you are Arthur. Ye will not misuse Kingsman resources on a personal whim.”
“I am not seeking to misuse Kingsman resources!” Harry looks indignant. “This was to take place in her free time, an arrangement between co-workers. Until you saw fit to send her on a mission in a clear intent to sabotage my life.”
“I did not ‘see fit’ to do anything.” Merlin snaps back. “I am Merlin. Lancelot is needed on a mission, is the next on the roster *and* is the most suitable agent for the task.”
“Can’t you send her tomorrow?” Harry is almost pleading and Eggsy is lost.
“She leaves in 20 minutes. She is already on the ‘plane.”
“Send someone else.”
Merlin sighs, patience wearing thin. “And again, I say no.”
Eggsy sits forward at a loss for what is exactly going on, and the movement catches Harry’s eye.
“Eggsy! Eggsy will help. Eggsy is here.”
“If you need me…” Eggsy starts to speak only to be abruptly interrupted by Merlin, whose voice is raised in exasperation.
“Enough Harry! Eggsy has just, literally JUST returned from Paris. We do not send an agent out without a rest period. You know that Harry. You started the rule for God’s sake.”
“In an emergency though?”
“This is not an emergency. I said no.”
Normally Eggsy would enjoy watching Merlin trouncing Harry this way, but Harry looks devastated and Eggsy can’t bear it. He speaks up again. “I don’t mind, if I can help…”
Merlin literally growls even as Harry looks hopeful, but then he gives a sudden grin that looks far scarier than any smile has a right to.
“Ye are right Harry. Eggsy is right here. And I know he would do just about anything to help you ‘in an emergency’. The words are audibly in quotation marks and Eggsy begins to regret his willingness, Merlin is up to something and if Harry wasn’t so desperate, he would see the mischief playing on Merlin’s face and not leap quite so keenly into enthusiastic optimism.
“So,” Harry leans forward in his seat “you’ll recall Lancelot?”
Even Eggsy knows the answer to this, and he has no clue as to what the hell else is going on.
“Of course not, Harry.” Merlin tsks at his boss. “I said no. Lancelot is airside and will depart on schedule. But I’m sure Eggsy could be persuaded to take her place in your … emergency.”
Harry looks incredulous, and is about to speak, but Eggsy beats him to it.
“What is going on?” Eggsy will help a friend out whenever he can, would do pretty much anything for these two men, but is fed up of being kept in the dark.
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Harry answers Merlin, ignoring Eggsy completely.
“I think he’d be perfect.” Merlin answers him, quietly.
“Are you out of your mind?”
“Are ye?”
“Oi!” Eggsy has had enough and slams his hand on the desk to gain the attention of both men. “I’m sitting right here. In the middle of a debrief I might add, before you barged in Harry. So, how’s about you stop talking *about* me and tell me what’s going on. Especially” he jabs at Harry “if you want my help.”
Harry is taken aback by this outburst and appears to have remember his manners. “Eggsy, my dear boy. Quite right. I apologise. Incredibly bad manners. And don’t worry, I wouldn’t ask this of you. Couldn’t possibly impose, even if you were… Merlin is being ridiculous to even suggest…”
Merlin and Eggsy roll their eyes in unison.
“Merlin, Guv...” Eggsy redirects his attention to his handler, giving up on Harry for the minute. “What the f… heck is going on?”
Merlin sighs, looks at Harry, seeking permission and then speaks.
“Harry has a… social gathering this evening. An event that he does not wish to attend solo. He had asked Roxy to accompany him. Unfortunately, as you will have gathered, Lancelot has been called on a mission and is no longer available to act as Harry’s date.”
Date? Harry was going on a date? With Rox? It’s this that has caused him to break all the rules of etiquette he holds so dear? This is the disappointment that has led him to abandon his precious manners and storm into Merlin’s office and demand, no beg, the man to free up his date? Eggsy feels his stomach plummet and is at a loss for words. He knows he should grin. Should join in with Merlin in seeing the humour in the situation. Should tease Harry for his dramatics but he cannot.
Harry and Rox? How did he not see it? Sure, maybe there’s rules about fraternisation and Harry is Arthur, so maybe they’d had to keep it quiet, but even so. He and Roxy spent hours together, how had he not seen it? Oh God. Roxy had teased him about his crush on Harry. For fuck’s sake, how could she? She was supposed to be his friend, and all this time she’s been laughing at him? Oh God, what if she’s told Harry?
“So…” Merlin is continuing as if Eggsy isn’t having a secret crisis, simultaneously ignoring Eggsy’s rabbit in headlights expression and Harry’s look of outrage as he looks meaningfully at Eggsy. “So… Harry needs a replacement piece of arm candy.”
Harry recoils, then seems to find inspiration. “You!” He looks at Merlin desperately. “You’re right, I can’t go alone. You’ll do. You’ve met them anyway. You’re right. It doesn’t have to be Roxanne. Although…” He pauses. “No, You can take her place as my plus one, seeing as you’ve sabotaged my plans.”
Harry is gazing earnestly at Merlin as he makes this pronouncement and Eggsy is glad. It means Harry doesn’t see his reaction to his clear desperation to have anyone other than Eggsy accompany him to whatever this is.
Merlin barks out a laugh. “Ye’ve lost your mind, man.”
“Merlin…” Harry is quiet when he speaks again. “Hamish… you know why I need this.”
Merlin sighs. Humour dropping from his face. “Aye. I do.”
“So, you’ll come?”
“No.” Merlin forestalls Harry’s interruption. “Lancelot is going live, remember? I shall be working. And no one would believe I would want your skinny arse anyway.”
“Merlin…”
Harry sounds devastated and Eggsy wants nothing more than to leave the room. Harry is dating Roxy and he simply doesn’t know what to do with that.
“Harry, the lad is right there.” Merlin jerks his head towards him. “Eggsy, are ye free tonight?”
“Merlin… I…” he stammers an answer, although he doesn’t know what he’s going to say, so is almost thankful when Harry interrupts again.
“Don’t be ridiculous Merlin!”
“Yeah, you know what…” Eggsy shifts in his seat.
Harry continues, regardless. “Eggsy hardly wants to spend his evening off with…”
Merlin interrupts Harry.
“Harry. Ye burst in here in the middle of my office, ranting and raving about my decisions as Merlin, interrupting a meeting and begging for my help. Now, when a solution is offered, ye bumble on like an idiot – either man up and deal with your problems like the adult you pretend to be, and take the solution offered, or sod off out of my office. Some of us have work to do.”
Harry sniffs “I fail to see what you have offered me by way of a solution. Eggsy is hardly…”
“He’d be perfect. More so than Roxy don’t you think?” He gives Harry a pointed look that Eggsy doesn’t understand.” Definitely more suitable than me. At least there’d be an element of honesty there…”
“Merlin!” Harry barks a warning even as Eggsy surges up from his seat.
“Enough! Both of you” he adds as Merlin looks poised to speak again. “Harry, Merlin’s right. Either explain what’s going on properly and ask me to help or just go! Merlin, either we finish the debrief or I’m going home.” He stands there expectantly, hands on hips, and ignores the almost impressed (almost) look on Merlin’s face as he looks between the pair of them.
Harry wipes a hand over his face and sags.
“I’m... I’m sorry my boy, Merlin. I... panicked.”
Harry panicking? Eggsy can hardly believe it, but his heart softens and brings his temper down a notch. It must be hard for Harry knowing his… girlfriend? Partner? Lover? His heart sinks again, Roxy. Hard for Harry knowing he’s sending Roxy into danger.
“Look.” He reaches out, patting Harry on the shoulder gently, seeking to reassure. “Lancelot is a good agent, and Merlin is aces; you know he’ll keep her safe. You don’t have to worry about her. I didn’t know you was together, but I won’t tell anyone. She’ll be back soon enough yeah?”
Harry looks… aghast, not comforted at all and Merlin is smirking again.
“Good lord no. I’m not worried about Lancelot! I mean, I am. Well, I care for her safety of course, for all the agents, but. She’s a very competent agent. She…” he tails off and casts a pleading look to his friend and Merlin finally takes pity on him.
“Sit down again, lad. I’ll explain, as Harry seems incapable.” Eggsy glares at them both but slumps back into the seat with his arms folded in front of him.
“Harry comes, as you’ve no doubt worked out, from a rather… distinguished background.”
“Silver spoon brigade”, mutters Eggsy as he sits back in his seat, scowling but hoping to bring a smile to Harry’s face and it works a little.
“Indeed.” Harry grimaces, but takes over the narrative.
“The thing is... you’re too young to really understand, Eggsy, but when I was growing up, one wasn’t…” he hesitates but swallows and continues. “People weren’t, they didn’t... sexuality was a dirty word, especially if one wasn’t, um, quite straight.”
Eggsy strives to keep his face neutral even as he gasps inside. Is Harry telling him…?
“In the days before Kingsman, before I came of age at 35…”
“Trust fund.” Murmurs Merlin at Eggsy’s look of confusion.
“Yes well, at that point I was reliant upon the good will and approval of my family to stay fully afloat as it were. A ‘normal’ life and a suitable, um, match, was a strong part of that acceptance.”
Eggsy just watches as Harry pauses. Is he seeking a reaction? When he gets nothing but an encouraging nod from Merlin, he takes a breath and continues.
“I had a very good friendship with my 3rd cousin, Isabella, who had, shall we say, a similar dilemma. She and I formed an alliance that saw us through many a family gathering. She was training to become a doctor and I joined the army, which brought us some time and made it acceptable to delay our marriage. We ‘got engaged’ when we were 30 and we remained affianced until...” he takes a breath and Merlin reaches out a hand to rest briefly on his. Harry continues. “She perished on V-day.”
“Oh, Harry... I’m sorry.”
Harry smiles sadly, acknowledging Eggsy’s comment. “I missed her funeral of course, her partner understood though.”
“Her partner?” Eggsy is confused.
“Yes, she and Bella had been together since we were all in our 20s.” Harry smiles humourlessly. “Elizabeth knew how it all hung together and didn’t see a need to rock the family boat – it was only one or two events a year after all. We were hardly a close family.”
Harry pulls a face and continues.
“Being ‘dead’ bought me some leeway of course.” Eggsy frowns, hating to hear it and remember those years, even with the man sitting alive and well in front of him.
Harry carries on, oblivious. “But my coming back to life lowered the tone somewhat and still being single to boot… so, understanding has passed and… habits have resumed. Tonight, is a family soiree, at which, if I had agreed to attend solo and unmatched, I would be paraded in front of a gaggle of desperate, aging spinsters with expectations.” He shudders. “Roxy was to have been my, my beard, I believe is the phrase”.
“But… you’re loaded.” Eggsy blushes. “I mean. You’re Arthur. You’re not telling me you haven’t got enough money to get by on now?”
Merlin lets out an indelicate snigger. “Aye Harry?”
Harry looks irritated and snaps. “I don’t expect you to understand. Imagine what it is like to have the disapproval of your family.”
“Yeah,” Eggsy bites back “’cos Mum and Dean have always had my back.”
Harry has the decency to look embarrassed.
Merlin steps in.
“Ye don’t understand lad.” Merlin glances at Harry before continuing. “Ye and I are similar. Our parents were... less than present for whatever reason.” He skims nicely over Michelle’s neglect of Eggsy for which he is thankful. “We made our own way, despite their disinterest. We didn’t seek approval because, well, we never got it.”
Harry looks embarrassed.
“Harry has…” Merlin continues “well, that silver spoon ye talk of, has a lot of strings attached and even Harry is not always able to escape them.”
Eggsy can see Harry bracing himself for Eggsy’s scorn, but he gets it. He does, Dean thinking he was a waste of space never meant anything to Eggsy other than a possible fist to avoid and a new reason to seek income outside of the home, but Eggsy had very quickly come to crave a quiet ‘well done lad’ from Merlin, or approval from Harry. Can remember vividly the crushing shame he felt when he failed the dog test and had to face Harry. Even when he wasn’t ashamed of his decision (he would never shoot his dog, fuck you very much), knowing Harry was disappointed in him had just about broken him. So, he gets it.
“It wasn’t all of them.” Harry speaks quietly. “It was just, my Aunt Agatha, she was, kind. She practically raised me, and I didn’t want to upset her. Stupid really. When she died, we found… she’d have understood possibly, there were letters…” Harry stops himself.
“It’s just…” he sighs “I’m fed up with the stream of suitable women of a certain age being paraded in front of me. Roxy was kind enough to agree to help me out. Oh well. Merlin, you are right. I’ll just have to face up to things. If they don’t like it... if they disown me now, well, I don’t need the money. You’re right." He gives an empty smile. “And now Aunt Agatha is gone, why should I care what the rest of them think of me? I can’t stand them anyway. I was hoping that the shock value of such a very young partner would ward them off, but… time to ‘come out’ eh?“
He sounds jaunty but looks sick.
“I’ll come.”
“Eggsy…”
“No listen.” Eggsy speaks over Harry’s protestations. “It’s ideal. If you just want company to help you through it, well, that’s me. If you want to...” He stumbles over the words, “come out, well I’m a man. And…” he grins “and I’m young. Younger than Roxy, more than enough to shock.” He frowns at the idea that Harry thought the age gap between Harry and Roxy was shocking, then remembers it’s all a moot point anyway, none of this is real. “So, well” he finishes with a grin. “You’ll have the hat trick.” He softens his voice. “C’mon Harry, let me help you.”
“I…” Harry looks set to protest, but Merlin glares at him, so instead he just asks. “Are you sure?”
“Harry…” Merlin growls at him and he dips his head.
“Um well… Yes then. Thank you. Um, Yes.”
“Thank Christ! Eggsy, Harry will pick you up at 7. Now, get the hell out of my office Harry.” Merlin snarls but is grinning as he does so. “We have a debrief to continue and I’m sure ye need to go and Arthur somewhere else.”
Harry leaves, Merlin starts tapping on his tablet and asking Eggsy questions about his mission and Eggsy, well, he’s not quite sure what he has let himself in for.