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It’s a bright day and Gabrielle has decided she wants to learn to use a bow.
“Why, you fight well with a staff, isn’t it enough?” Xena argues, her mouth full with an apple bite.
She’s sitting on the floor a few metres away, where she and Gabrielle decided they would take a break.
“I want to have many skills,” answers Gabrielle stubbornly, trying to notch an arrow in the brand new bow she bought at the local market. “Besides, what if I lose my staff in a fight and I have nothing but a bow and an arrow to defend myself?”
Xena shakes her head before such a ridiculous argument and finishes up her apple, watching Gabrielle fiddle with her new weapon.
“You can use all of them: shakram, sword, bow, dagger, whip – I want to progress,” declares Gabrielle as she draws the bowstring, tries to aim the shaking arrow and release. Xena raises an eyebrow as the arrow miserably falls at Gabrielle’s feet. Undiscouraged, her friend picks it up and tries to notch it again, but she’s doing it so wrong Xena takes pity. She throws the apple core in the bushes, gets up and gets closer.
“No – first of all, the string must come between your index and your middle finger – yeah, like that…”
Once her hand is in the right position, Gabrielle immediately draws and aims.
“Stop!” says Xena, putting her hand on her arm. Gabrielle looks at her, frowning. She’s quite sure Xena mainly wants to make fun of her. “What?”
“Don’t rush like that. It’s not only your hand which must be well placed, but your whole body.”
Xena gently pushes her around. “You must be aligned with the bow, with your feet slightly parted for balance – yes. And now…”
Xena gets behind her, just inches from her back. She puts her hand under Gabrielle’s elbow and lifts it so that it’s parallel to the ground.
“Everything’s aligned,” explains Xena in a voice that is somewhat softer. Gabrielle feels her breath in her neck and a shiver unexpectedly runs down her spine. Xena gets a little closer and puts both her hands on Gabrielle’s. She takes a firm grip on the one that is holding the string and draws it back with a strength that keeps impressing Gabrielle. Her hands on hers are soft though, and warm, and why exactly is she thinking that? Focus.
The string is close to her eye and she knows that, weren’t it for Xena’s help, she wouldn’t have been able to hold it like that for more than five seconds.
“Now you aim,” says Xena, her voice almost a whisper. Gabrielle realises that an unknown sensation has formed in her stomach, like waves or fire slowly crashing against its sides. “Close your left eye and aim a little under your target.”
There’s a big tree a few metres away, so precision is not required, but Gabrielle still tries – as well as she can while her brain is trying to understand what’s happening to her – to go for a particular gash in the trunk. She knows, however, that Xena really is in control, and they’ll release only when she has so decided.
Yet it takes probably more time than needed. None of them moves, and Gabrielle can’t help but turn her head slightly towards Xena. Their eyes meet, and Gabrielle sees that Xena is no longer focused on the bow. She feels her heart fluttering. She opens her mouth to ask what’s going on, when suddenly Xena opens her hand, and so does Gabrielle who can’t hold it alone, and they both look at the arrow as it completely misses the trunk and crashes into the ground behind it.
Gabrielle lets her arms drop and feels a sting of hurt from the tension that has accumulated in her muscles. “Ouch!”
Xena takes a step back and smiles. “That’s why it’s better not to hold too long.”
“Not my fault,” Gabrielle mumbles, rubbing her arms.
She picks up the arrow. She wants to try it again, but her arms are so painful that she can’t bring herself to it. Xena is already walking towards Argo anyway.
“Let’s go, you can try it again when we find a place to camp.”
Gabrielle doesn’t answer. She’s still trying to process whatever feeling she felt a few moments ago. It was pleasant. Weird, but pleasant. She knows deep down that it was Xena’s proximity that created it, and she wonders if it’s normal, before concluding that it doesn’t matter. I have to try it again, she decides, catching up with Xena who has climbed on Argo. I will test it again. Just to know.
Her mind is already racing with ideas to try her theory.
*****
Gabrielle can’t help but think about that bow training all day long, and not just because her shoulders and back still hurt. She looks at Xena with different eyes, noticing her every movement, especially when she comes towards her. She feels her heart quicken each time Xena touches her, to give her Argo’s bridle, to make her stop because she suspects danger or to help her across a zone of thick vegetation. Gabrielle’s in some sort of second state, walking and performing her tasks without thinking about it. No, this is not normal, she’s not herself.
Xena notices, of course, Gabrielle’s strange behaviour. But everyone has their ups and downs. It’s too early to ask whether something is wrong. The way Gabrielle looks at her puzzles Xena, though. A sort of shyness mixed with admiration has appeared, a little like at the very beginning of their adventures together, but far more intense now. If she's honest with herself, Xena knows that look for having seen it in more than one pair of eyes, but she doesn’t dare yet to think too much about it.
That night they make camp against a cliff, on a deserted beach. Although it’s more comfortable than rock or hard dirt, Xena is not a fan of sleeping on sand, since the grains of sand inevitably land on her skin, in her clothes and in her hair, but she knows that Gabrielle loves the salty air and the sound of waves, so she doesn’t complain too much.
They eat without talking much, Gabrielle because she’s preoccupied with her thoughts, and Xena because Gabrielle usually does the talking.
When they’re done, Gabrielle sits down on her bedroll. “I am not unhappy to rest, I admit,” she says, yawning.
“Why, we’ve had far worse days than this,” replies Xena, watching her friend stretching her back and rolling her shoulders with a wince. “Don’t tell me you’re still not over that bow move?” she teases.
“I’m not used to it!” Gabrielle protests. “And I think I really made a wrong gesture, there’s… I don’t know, a knot in my muscles or something…”
Xena looks at Gabrielle with suspicious concern, but says nothing when she glances at her. Then Gabrielle lies down. “I guess it will be better tomorrow, if I manage to sleep at all…”
This time, a genuine smile appears on Xena’s face and she looks up to Heaven. “You know, you could ask for a massage instead of implying so plainly that you want one.”
Gabrielle straightens up with a faint smile. “Are you offering?”
Xena shakes her head and taps the space just before her. “Come on.” Gabrielle sits down there. She’s so conscious of herself, of her beating heart and her drying mouth that she wonders how it is possible that Xena doesn’t see it. Thank the gods, with her back turned on her, she doesn’t have to conceal her emotions any longer, just make sure her voice doesn’t betray her – which is probably easier said than done.
She shudders when Xena’s hands land on her shoulders and she says in a soft voice, “Gabrielle?”
“Mmh?”
Gabrielle expects Xena to say something like, “You owe me one”, or “Enjoy, because I won’t do that twice”, or even “I tend to be rough so get ready”, anything but what she actually says:
“You need to take that off.”
The damn massage has not even begun and the temperature of Gabrielle’s face has already reached a level that is not allowed. Not that Xena has never seen her naked - of course she has - but tonight... Tonight it's different. “Oh – right,” she sputters and clumsily unlaces her top. Xena helps to slip it off her arms. In between, she must have coated her hands with some of that oil that they usually use to undo the knots in their hair. She rests them on Gabrielle’s shoulders again and starts pushing her fingers against her skin gently, in regular movements, from bottom to top and from right to left. Gabrielle rolls her neck and tilts her head, sighing with contentment. It’s obvious that Xena knows how to do this properly. Her thumbs run against her blade bone in an expert gesture and works on the zones where tension has accumulated, allowing Gabrielle to relax and relieving her of her pain. Xena’s hands move on her shoulders and neck until every knot of tension disappears, at which point she half-whispers, “Better?”
Gabrielle can only answer with a moan of satisfaction. This is the ending of that perfect moment, she thinks with disappointment. But to her delighted surprise, Xena does not stop. She moves her hand slightly further down and along her spin, which causes violent shivers to spread in Gabrielle’s body. The unexpected feeling makes her straighten her head and she can hear the smile in Xena’s voice as she asks, “You ticklish?”
“No,” answers Gabrielle, short of breath. She takes a second to compose herself and says, “Just sensitive.”
She has come from complete relaxation to complete awareness that Xena is running her warm hands on her bare back with application and, unless Gabrielle is too imaginative, with a sensuality that is not quite professional. The waves of fire reappear in the hollow of her stomach, mirroring the flames in front of her. She wishes with all her heart that Xena would never get tired of doing this and that it would go on forever.
Listen to you, she thinks. You sound like –
The flow of her thoughts is interrupted by the sensation of Xena’s hands on her waist, which sends another wave of shivers and makes her arch her back. She has no idea what Xena is thinking but this now feels more like caresses than a massage. Xena explores the entirety of her back, drawing each one of her bones and lines of her muscles. She also gets closer, so Gabrielle can feel her body against her own. The name of her best friend dances behind her eyelids, and she feels an urge to turn around and do whatever would satisfy the desire that is growing inside her.
Because this is what it is: desire, she realizes.
Scared by the implications of such a word, she resists the temptation; at this point, Xena’s hands go back to her shoulders, then slip on her upper arms and stay there. Gabrielle feels Xena leaning towards her, her forehead against the back of her own head, her breath tickling her neck.
Gabrielle freezes, her heart bursting in her chest. Xena is displaying a level of intimacy that is beyond the boundaries of their friendship, which is exactly what Gabrielle just realized she wants. But hesitation is hanging in the air. Gabrielle raises her right hand and lightly entangles her fingers with those of Xena that still are on her arm. “Xena…” she whispers. It’s Xena’s turn to groan and Gabrielle is about to turn around when Xena’s fingers presses her own, firmly but briefly, and then let go of her completely. “Here,” says Xena as she hands her the top back. Gabrielle takes it and laces it back on her breasts while Xena gets up and walks away. Gabrielle’s mind is disconnected from her body, she’s trying to understand what's happened, just like earlier with the bow.
Once she’s done with her clothing, she glances at Xena who is looking at the ocean. She looks back at her and smiles in a nostalgic way. “Thank you,” says Gabrielle because it seems like the right thing to say. Xena comes back on her bedroll. “You’re welcome.”
They exchange a glance that is more meaningful than a thousand words, a glance that is full of promises. Then they lie on their backs and let the night take them both.