Work Text:
“When the night falls down
I wait for you, and you come around
And the world's alive
With the sound of kids on the street outside”
Yoongi keeps thinking.
It's just a friday night, like any other. Just a friday night.
But truth be told, friday nights are never simply friday nights. They have this dazzling, anticipating feeling about them.
Friday nights out have this sort of... aura. They’re full of expectation and life, full of excitement in the pit of your stomach, night bars’ colorful lights creating an almost mystical environment and, after a few tequila shots, the feeling you’re immortal, invincible.
When the sun sets and the night falls down, the streets gain a certain life that wasn’t quite there before.
The moon appears lonely in the sky as if it’s calling for company to dance, and people listen.
The Gloss is an 80's-inspired bar and nightclub; the pink neon sign in its entrance made in vintage lettering, the dark front doors giving no spoilers of what you’d find on the inside, but the people that stick by the sidewalk near the club being the biggest clue that it’s no ordinary bar.
You can find people dressed in all sorts of outfits by the curb waiting for their company so they can get inside. Some follow the bar theme and dress as if they came straight out of an 80’s romantic comedy movie, some would skip a decade and dress as if the 90’s was at its peak, and even girls dressed in low waisted jeans as if Britneys Spears’ Toxic had just been released.
There will also be people in drag, or in a costume, or in their everyday clothes. People with heavy eyeliner and mint hair, people in long skirts and round glasses, people who had nothing to lose and people with their hearts in their hands.
The Gloss’ main proposal is, you can be whoever you want tonight. And people appreciate that.
The thing about friday nights is that they feel timeless, even though they unfortunately aren’t.
And yet, holding his jeans jacket like his life depends on it to protect himself from the night’s cold breeze, Yoongi feels none of those things as he and Jungkook approach the bar in Itaewon, at 11 p.m., on a full moon night.
He feels pretty much like throwing up at any given moment.
He feels small and scared and anxious, because he decided that’s the day. That's the day he’s finally going to confess, after being in love with his best friend for god knows how long, because he can’t quite put his finger on when his feelings were no longer platonic and started being full-on romantic.
For someone who always had his shit together, when it comes to love, he’s a helpless mess. It’s quite maddening.
The two boys pass through the door frame in a peaceful motion, investigating their surroundings.
lowkey catboy
we’re here
i’m so scared i swear to god i’m going to faint
i can’t faint jimin i’m at the bar and bar floors are disgusting
i feel sick he looks so pretty shit i’m in love with him
fuck i’m sweating like an idiot i’m going to faint in this dirty ass floor and die
mortal enemy
yoongi calm the fuck down
jesus christ we’ve practiced this like twenty times
you’ll confess your undying love for your best friend who’s also your roommate just fine
u did pretty good when i played jungkook and you played yourself it’ll go so smooth
like ripping off a band-aid
lowkey catboy
yes but you are you and taehyung was there the whole time and i couldn’t take it seriously bc he kept trying not to laugh all along
mortal enemy
what u mean with you are you
omg yoongi
are u saying you love me
l owkey catboy
no i mean i wasn’t taking it seriously
mortal enemy
don’t lie you’re so in love with me
taehyung is here and he agrees
lowkey catboy
taehyung is biased
anyways can we come back to me
big confessing undying love for my best friend situation
mortal enemy
ok sure just change the subject bc u won’t admit you’re in love with me
i see you min yoongi
lowkey catboy
ur insufferable
“Wanna take a table?”
Jungkook's voice seems to take Yoongi out of his moment with Jimin, bringing him back to the walls of the bar.
He was trying to find better words for well here’s the deal I’m in love with you and I just needed to put it out there you can do whatever you want with this info I don’t care anyways even though it’ll probably hurt like hell if you don’t take it well and our friendship goes to shit but it’s fine everything is fine sorry lmao when he notices Jungkook’s big questioning eyes on him.
His eyes are so pretty jesus christ ok focus I think he’s asking something.
“Sorry, what?”
Jungkook lets out a quiet laugh. “I was asking if you wanna take a table. Or just hang by the bar, I don’t mind either way.”
Jungkook is in all black, from head to toe. Skinny dark jeans, fluffy hair and heavy boots, most of his arm tattoos showing in all their glory.
He has the total of three piercings on his face and a black flower tattooed on the left side of his neck, all mixed with his big bunny smile and galaxy eyes that could conquer absolutely anyone in the world. He's the sweetest person to exist and Yoongi always finds it all so endearing.
“We should get a seat by the bar,” Yoongi replies. He's too nervous to be face to face with Jungkook in a more reserved space.
Jungkook hums in acknowledgment and the boys make their way towards the benches.
The place is definitely more crowded than usual, which was understandable given the fact it’s friday, but not to the point Yoongi would suggest they find somewhere else. After all, it is Jungkook’s favorite night bar, and Yoongi is beginning to understand why.
Even though they are best friends for pretty much since Yoongi can remember, he has never been to The Gloss, the bar being a little too far from college campus for his own liking. Plus, Yoongi isn’t really into going out to bars, preferring to go by Jimin and Taehyung’s shared apartment every time he gets the chance, bringing Jungkook along with him every time.
So, when Jungkook was getting ready to go out that night, an hour before, Yoongi asked him if he could join in, and the youngest looked at him like he had just grown an extra pair of arms.
“Y-you, you wanna go out?,” Jungkook wondered as he was dressing his boots.
Yoongi cleared his throat and gathered all the courage Jimin helped him raise — by yelling at him on the phone about how great he was, followed by a threat, but still — and answered “yeah, why not? not doing much anyways.”
Yoongi could only pray that he sounded relaxed and spontaneous.
Jungkook frowned his eyebrows at him. “Why are you making that face you do when it looks like you ate something really bitter?”
Well, fuck.
“I'm not, this is my I wanna go out with my best friend because I’m not doing much face.”
Jungkook kept looking at him suspiciously, his eyes narrow, but he decided to go with it, noticing Yoongi was doing that thing with his hands when he’s nervous, pressing and relaxing his knuckles. A manierism he probably doesn't even realize he has.
But Jungkook knows them all.
He hummed after a quiet moment. “Okay. Let’s do it, then. Put on a jacket, you get chills easily.”
Yoongi does get chills easily, but he couldn’t stop the flip on his heart from herding the genuine worry.
God, he could barely keep it to himself lately. He has to talk to him. it’s been too long.
“Okay. Then, off to bars.”
Jungkook smiled and Yoongi could swear his knees wanted to fail on him.
“Then off we go.”
"In this w orld we're just beginnin'
To understand the miracle of livin'”
Year five
When he was about five years old and after a messy divorce, Yoongi and his mother moved from Daegu to Busan. She had been given a great job opportunity and also wanted something new, a new life, a new beginning.
Arriving at their new home, Yoongi and his mom by their front yard, he saw a little boy behind a pretty woman’s legs, big curious eyes staring at him, measuring, pondering.
“Mom,” Yoongi pushed her dress slightly. “Who are they?”
Yoongi’s mom, carrying a box from the moving truck parked by the curb, looked at the boy and the woman, who was now waving with a kind smile on her lips. “Must be our new neighbours, honey. Wanna go and say hello?”
Yoongi looked at the boy again. He looked shy, but nice. He had big doe eyes.
He looks like someone I could be friends with.
“Can I play with him, mommy?”
“Course you can, baby. Let’s say hello first.”
His mom placed the box by the house’s entrance and held Yoongi’s hand, making their way to the woman’s yard. She was wearing a long blue dress and had gentle eyes.
He could hear his mom and the woman introducing themselves and talking, but he kept looking at the boy in front of him, who now was even more hidden between his mother's legs, but never failed to hold his stare at Yoongi.
“...and this little bunny is Jeon Jungkook. Say hello, love.”
Yoongi saw Jungkook gulp. He looked nervous.
“Hello. I’m Jungkook.”
“Nice to meet you, Jungkook,” Yoongi's mom greeted. “This is Min Yoongi.”
“Hi,” the boy mumbled.
After talking some more, Jungkook's mom offered to help with the moving boxes, leaving the boys to play around by their yards.
“Why do you live by Chaeyoung ajumma's house now?,” Jungkook asked. They were both sitting on the grass, action figures on the floor between them.
"Who's that?”
“The old lady that used to live here. I liked her, she gave me lollipops every time I asked. The house is haunted, you know?”
Yoongi’s eyes opened widely in surprise and he pouted. “What do you mean?”
Jungkook kept talking casually. “Well I've never actually seen it, but her dead husband’s ghost lives there, I just know it. I’ve heard her talking to him. Very weird. You should be careful. Ghosts are ugly, I've seen it in a movie once. Don’t tell mommy.”
Yoongi was scared and made a mental note to talk to his mom about the ghost issue later, but he didn’t want to seem frightened, he was a brave boy.
“I'm not afraid of ghosts, I don't care. As long as he doesn’t take my toys,” He said, trying to sound outgoing. “I moved because mommy and daddy don’t like each other anymore.”
Jungkook tilted his head and his eyes looked even bigger. “Oh, my mom and my dad don’t like each other also, I think. He doesn’t live with us anymore.”
A quiet moment passed and Jungkook’s voice sounded lower.
“I don’t mind it, though. He used to be kind of mean.”
“Oh.” Yoongi didn’t know what to say, so he stood silent.
“It’s fine,” Jungkook smiled slightly. “Mommy smiles more now. I like it.”
They continued to impersonate with the toys in front of them for a while. Yoongi noticed the boy wasn’t a big talker, and neither was he, but he felt comfortable sharing a silence, which was rare. He always thought people expected him to talk. They’d always want him to speak up, even if he didn’t want to. Like it was a bad thing to be quiet. Like he had to fight against it.
But not with Jungkook. With Jungkook it felt… fine. Like he didn’t expect anything from Yoongi other than being who he is.
Like he knew how it felt like.
“Do you wanna be my friend?”
Yoongi asked and although he was nervous, it felt right. He really wanted the boy to be his friend. He was kind and he said nice things.
“You wanna be friends? With me?”
The boy with curious eyes sounded genuinely surprised.
“Yes, I do.”
Jungkook smiled and it was so pretty, he really reminded Yoongi of a bunny, and his eyes were shining.
Yoongi realized he liked to make Jungkook smile.
“Let’s be friends, then.”
࿐ ˚ . ✦
“Hello, Earth to Jungkook,” Yoongi mumbles, one hand by the bar’s counter and another waving in front of the boy’s eyes. “Where were you?”
Jungkook seems to get down from his daze and shakes his head slightly, an amused smile on his lips, his eyes nostalgic. “Sorry, I just remembered something.”
Yoongi mirrors his smile. “What?”
“You remember we used to think your house was haunted?”
Yoongi gasps in shock and lets out a spontaneous laugh, the shy smile now wide on his features. “Don’t remind me of that, you brat. You were the one who told me about that old lady’s deceased husband wandering around the house, I spent years thinking the weird noise coming from the kitchen was a dead man, thanks a lot for that.”
Jungkook’s nose makes a cute scrunch as his smile reaches his eyes. “In my defense I honestly thought a ghost lived there, I was just being polite and warning a friend about an imminent menace. You should unironically thank me, Yoongi.”
Yoongi rolls his eyes but his smile doesn't fail. “I’m not thanking you for ruining my childhood experience in a new home, it could have been a peaceful blast, but no. My new best friend made me believe in dead people living in my house. You know what, that made me mad, you're buying me a tequila shot.”
Yoongi gestures to the bartender who comes at his request after giving their attention to another client.
After drinking his shot and gesturing towards Jungkook as if he’s saying it’s on him , Yoongi notices most of his unsettledness is gone.
At the end of the day that is his best friend, whom he shares many memories and stories with, whom he cares about deeply and unconditionally.
The only difference is that for the last few months, he really wanted to kiss him in a very non platonic way.
He never felt like his feelings heightened, or that they switched somehow, or their connection was bigger and more meaningful. Their connection and their feelings had always been deep and meaningful. And that’s what messed up with his head for a while.
Because he is in love with the person he loves the most in the world already.
He has known Jungkook for so long, nearly his entire life. He's always been there, by his side. They saw each other grow, change, get hurt, cry of joy, cry of sorrow, make bad choices, become adults. They’ve seen each other on top of the world and at rock bottom. They’ve seen each other when they didn’t want to be seen.
They’ve experienced everything together through the years and it was confusing.
Because there was never a switch. It was more like a gentle wave.
It wasn’t exactly static before, it just wasn’t there.
Before he realized, it existed and it was making itself more present day by day. Every time Jungkook smiled, the wave would move slightly faster. Every time he would say something Yoongi had never thought of, the wave would grow a little wider. Every time he’d pout, mess up with his hair just for the sake of it, hug him from behind, breath next to him without saying a single thing, the wave would become stormy, turbulent. He could feel the strikes in his bones.
Every time he perceived Jungkook's mere existence the waves would break, and it kept breaking mercilessly, for months, getting more furious every single time, because he couldn’t let it show.
Because he couldn’t let the waves pour overboard.
But the sea is reckless, and it gets agitated.
Feelings are not meant to be held back, controlled, tamed. they’re rebellious and free spirited, and demand to be treated as such.
And Yoongi’s love for Jungkook is like the sea. Unstoppable, untamable. Only plays by its own rules.
Yoongi just has to embrace it all, and let it pour.
✧*̣̩⋆̩☽⋆゜
from the night’s point of view, there was now an ocean where before there was only desert.
and under the stars and moonlight, they’re not better or worse than the other. they’re both wide, intimidating and full of mysteries. they’re only different.
they’re both capable of ripping someone’s heart open.
and the wind wanted to whisper in the scared boy’s ear that everything would be fine, because love can change its shape, but never its essence.
everything would be alright because he’d reach the doldrums soon.
✧*̣̩⋆̩☽⋆゜
“What’s the microphone about?”
Yoongi notices there’s a small brown stage by the bar’s corner, a few electronic cables on its floor and some sound equipment next to it.
“Oh, right, I didn’t tell you..”
Yoongi’s expression falls into confusion. “Didn’t tell me what?”
Suddenly, there is a loud irritating sound of someone tapping a microphone three times.
“Hello, testing, one two three. Okay, perfect. Good evening, everyone.”
You’ve got to be kidding me.
“There’s no way.”
Jungkook turns his body in a smooth motion from facing the bar to facing the other way, Yoongi by his right side and the stage by his left. He places his elbows on top of the bar’s counter and gives Yoongi a side look.
“Sorry, buddy. It’s open mic night.”
Yoongi suddenly feels self conscious all over again, the uneasiness on the pit of his stomach back like it was never gone in the first place.
(The temporary sea of tranquility ripped out from his hands remorselessly.)
How would he talk to Jungkook while some amateur comedian makes his — probably not so good — debut, or a drunk girl in a pity party sings her heart out, or some pretentious guy reads poetry?
This is a nightmare.
“When I feel alone
I reach for you, and you bring me home”
Year sixteen
“He has never kissed anyone in his life,” the girl from his math class said in a mockery tone, gesturing towards Yoongi.
They were at a house party. Some guy’s parents had traveled for the weekend and he was left with an older sibling, who apparently didn’t give two fucks about his underage brother bringing a bunch of school kids to their house to do whatever popped into their minds.
After a slightly uncomfortable evening spent mostly in silence close to Jungkook and Jimin — who were much more social than he was —, Yoongi felt a bit drained due to all the forced social interactions.
He liked being around Jimin and Jungkook, but he could never fully let go around people from school. He preferred to keep it to himself.
Jungkook’s shyness never stopped him from being good at making friends and being surrounded by people. He’d always be the introvert who’s adopted by an extrovert, which in turn knows other extroverts, and in the end he’d be everyone’s friend, because he’s the best person to have around after you tear down his walls.
And he’s also easy to like. So, so easy.
Yoongi was also the best person to have around, but he had a harder time making real lasting friends like Jungkook and Jimin did.
So after a few party hours, they were in a small circle at the living room’s floor, playing one of an introvert's biggest nightmares, truth or dare.
The girl was challenged to gossip about someone in the circle, and she chose to talk about Yoongi’s very unkissed lips.
Jungkook straightened his posture by Yoongi's side, adopting a defensive position, and Yoongi knew it wasn’t because neither of them minded the fact he had never kissed anyone, but because Jungkook knew it would make Yoongi self conscious.
It was sweet. Jungkook has always been sweet.
Jimin let out a low pissed sound. “Half of this circle hasn’t kissed anyone as well and the other half kissed like 3 people tops, cousins included. So shut up and spin the bottle,” Jimin said, gesturing with his head and looking a little annoyed.
Yoongi kept silent in the middle of them.
The thing about Yoongi and Jimin's friendship was that since the beginning — when Jungkook introduced the both of them at school — they’re always bickering.
They didn’t get along very well at first. In fact, they didn’t get along at all .
They were basically enemies.
Jimin didn’t seem to want to share Jungkook with the new quiet kid and Yoongi didn’t wanna share his new best friend with anyone else in the world. They spent months annoying and getting on each other’s nerves.
Once, when they were about twelve years old, Yoongi’s mom invited Jimin and Jungkook to sleep at their house and make a pajama party, and they spent the entire night trying to get Jungkook’s attention, who was mostly oblivious and mainly interested in watching anime.
At night, when they were all supposed to sleep, Jimin told Yoongi he had seen the ghost that lived in his house.
“I’d be careful if I were you, he told me he really wants your little deck of cards game.”
“They’re pokemon collectible cards.”
“Yeah, whatever. The ghost wants it. Also, he doesn’t like you, he said you smelled funny. I think he could go for murder.”
“Just shut up and go to sleep.”
Yoongi didn't sleep all night. Unfortunately, he was kind of afraid of the goddam ghost, although he knew Jimin was lying.
After that incident, things escalated very quickly.
”Jimin, drop Yoongi’s tangerine right now or I swear to god I'll lose my mind.”
It was lunchtime at school and the three boys were together as usual. Yoongi had made fun of Jimin’s hair and Jimin grabbed his tangerine from his hands. Yoongi had never felt so capable of choosing violence in his life.
“Not until he apologizes to me, my hair looks great today.”
Yoongi let out an exasperated sigh. “Give me my tangerine back right now, you fruit thief.”
“I'll throw it on the ground and smash it Yoongi, you know I will. Say my hair looks nice or else it’s done for the tangerine.”
Yoongi let out an incredulous chuckle. “That’s pure evil even for your standards.”
“I don’t care.”
Next thing they knew, Jungkook was harshly grabbing the tangerine from Jimin's hands, disapproval and discontent all over his features. “Will you stop this already? This is getting ridiculous.” He placed the tangerine back on the lunch table in front of Yoongi.
“Jimin, your hair looks stunning as always and you know that. Yoongi, you’re just in a bitter mood because you didn’t get much sleep from binge watching Haikyuu for the third time. Maybe make better choices next time, I don't know. Now will you please just drop it?”
They didn’t. At some point they were kicking each other under the table.
“Okay, that’s it. Jimin, give me your hand.”
Jungkook genticulated asking for Jimin’s hand and he looked at him suspiciously.
“Why?”
“Give me your hand if you love me.”
Jimin hesitated for a moment but then he huffed and gave Jungkook his hand.
“Yoongi, hand, please.”
Yoongi placed his hand on Jungkook’s promptly.
The boy gathered their hands in a quick motion and looked back and forth between them.
“Now, you’ll hold hands until you like each other.”
“What?”
“No fucking way.”
Yoongi looked startled and Jimin cursed at the same time.
Jungkook was dressing the get along shirt on them.
“I won’t hold hands with him,” Yoongi said, their hands far gone from one other at that point.
“Yes, you will. You know why? If you don’t hold hands, I'm never bringing my mother’s mochis for lunch ever again.”
Jimin and Yoongi gasp in shock at the same time, their features frozen in absolute horror.
“You wouldn’t.”
“I would.”
“You’re a monster.”
“I thought Jimin was being mean but that’s pure evil, Jungkook. You’re denying us happiness in its purest form. You know that’s literally my worst nightmare besides finding tangerines are sold out on the market. You know I still have night terrors about it.”
“Stop whining and hold his hand already, Yoongi, or no sweet dessert for either of you.”
Jungkook kept drinking his banana milk peacefully, pretending to be oblivious to his friends' complaints.
The day went by and the boys held hands the entire time at school. They sat in chairs side by side in class, Yoongi trying to cover his face at all times, Jimin trying to explain to his friends why he was stuck with Yoongi.
After a while, Yoongi didn’t feel like it was that bad to hold hands with him. And before going home, Jimin even said goodbye to him.
He also called him a dumbass afterwards. But he did say goodbye, though.
But even after the tangerine incident, Yoongi and Jimin wouldn’t stop with all the bickering. Until one day, sleeping by Jungkook's house, they had their first real conversation.
They were fifteen and Jimin had just kissed a boy the day before.
“I know I like girls, Yoongi-ah, but I wanted him to kiss me. So I guess I like boys too?... I don't know, just tell me what I am and don’t tell anyone about this conversation ever or I'll blackmail you for the rest of your life.”
Yoongi gave him one of his comforting smiles, ignoring the blackmail part. He knew Jimin was being vulnerable. “I can't be the one to tell you what you are, Jimin-ah. Not me or anybody else, it’s exclusively up to you. Kissing a boy doesn’t necessarily mean anything, but I’m sure you’ll figure it all out, and I'm here for you. Just give yourself time and respect, and think of the possibilities. You’ll be just fine.”
They talked about the possibilities. Jimin didn’t label himself until years later, being comfortable not having such. He figured he didn’t care about gender when it came to his sexuality.
As he had promised, Yoongi was there for him all along. They had this thing to be serious when the moment really mattered, being completely vulnerable, undressing themselves of all protection walls. They knew that when it came down to the important stuff, they would always be there to catch each other from falling.
They’d always tease and bicker, it was their way of communicating. But it wasn’t because they couldn’t stand the other’s presence anymore, but because they enjoyed and wanted to make the best of it.
Back at the party, Jungkook, who was by Yoongi's right side, stretched his arm and spinned the green bottle.
It spinned, spinned and spinned. Until it didn’t.
Some random guy Yoongi recognized from the school’s corridors had to ask.
And Yoongi had to answer.
“So,” the boy said, a smirk on his lips and a relaxed posture. “Truth or dare?”
Yoongi gulped and tilted his head. “Dare.”
He could feel when Jimin and Jungkook both turned their heads at the same time to stare at him. He kept his gaze firm on the boy in front of him.
“All right. I dare you to kiss someone next to you.”
Yoongi suddenly felt time slowing down and the air on his lungs felt heavier.
He had to turn his gaze and face one of his best friends.
“It's okay, Yoongi,” he hears, Jimin whispering by his side.
But.. who?
Left or right left or right left of right
He turned to his left and Jimin had a comforting smile on his lips, no irony on his features whatsoever, only kind, sweet eyes.
Yoongi knew that although they had their own special dynamic, Jimin would always be there for him, no questions asked. He'd always be the first person to raise up in his defense, because deep down, they loved and admired each other to death.
They just had their own unique way of showing.
So at that moment, Yoongi knew then that it would be fine for him to kiss Jimin. He'd probably make fun of him the next day, but still. It’d be just fine.
But..
Something moved inside of him and he turned to the other side. He convinced himself it was just curiosity, but he was completely honest, it was more than that.
He wanted to look at Jungkook’s eyes and know what he was thinking.
What was his reaction? Would he be fine with kissing Yoongi? Would he mind?
Would he want to?
A shiver ran down his spine and he looked at the boy by his left. And he’ll never forget what he saw.
He had the most warm, welcoming gaze on his features. Big doe eyes almost tangibly cozy and reassuring, and a slight smile.
Yoongi felt his chest tighten without warning and thought about what the word home meant to him. He could definitely say that the boy had something to do with it.
He had a lot to do with it, in fact.
“Any time soon would be great,” a girl with a ponytail and a pink top mumbled, looking at the girl by her side and mocking.
“Shut the fuck up, Jiwoo,” Jimin replied. The girl simply rolled her eyes, leaving it alone.
Yoongi took a breath and felt his heart beating a little too harshly on his chest. “Fine.”
He looked at Jungkook one last time and mirrored his smile. Then he turned to his right, grabbed Jimin by his nape and kissed him softly.
Jimin had soft full lips and kind of tasted like candy. It was a brief, sweet kiss, and they both smiled at the end.
“You know I’ll bring this up for the rest of our lives, right?,” was Jimin's first words after kissing Yoongi.
Yoongi let out a pissed sound and pushed him slightly, a tiny smile on his lips he tried to hide.
The game kept going but Yoongi felt a little oblivious, so he left after a couple more rounds. He and Jungkook went home together as usual, leaving Jimin with some girl he was hooking up with that night.
After saying goodbye to the boy who lived next to him, quietly observing him making his way to his front porch, Yoongi thought of his first kiss.
And he couldn’t stop his mind from going back to the boy’s warm eyes staring at him, and the funny thing he felt on his stomach at that moment, which he promptly ignored, and thought to himself he wouldn’t mind if his first kiss had been with Jungkook instead.
He thought he wouldn’t mind at all.
But he convinced himself everything happened just the way it was meant to happen,
And closed his door house thinking he already missed home.
࿐ ˚ . ✦
“And that's what my grandmother told the mailman that day, can you believe it?”
The boy with blue flannel and round glasses on top of the stage says, followed by laughter Yoongi can hear from all around the bar.
lowkey catboy
i hate my life
mortal enemy
did you confess your undying love for our best friend already or
lowkey catboy
no
i’m busy hearing an idiot on top of stage saying puns he picked from the internet
mortal enemy
wait
no way
i can’t believe it’s open mic night
shit yoongi that’s bad
lowkey catboy
yeah no shit
mortal enemy
well at least your first kiss was with me
lowkey catboy
?
what does that have to do with anything
mortal enemy
it has nothing to do with it
i just like bringing that up every chance i get
i told taehyung about it last week and he spilled his strawberry juice all over our couch
it was worth it though
lowkey catboy
glad to be the source of entertainment for your relationship
mortal enemy
[wink emoji]
but hold on what u going to do now
lowkey catboy
i don’t know i expected a peaceful mildly crowded place where i could get drunk and confess my feelings for him but this is just a shit show
mortal enemy
okay calm down no need to be all melodramatic about it
it’s not the end of the world
maybe wait for a break or someone with a nice voice singing a bee gees song?
yeah i could see that
you all nervous with a cheesy song playing on the background trying to say the L word out loud to another emo boy
lowkey catboy
why would i say anything about lesbians
mortal enemy
love yoongi
i was talking about love
lowkey catboy
well i don’t know
maybe i could pay someone to sing the opening song from an anime he likes
i think he’d enjoy that
mortal enemy
he absolutely would
it’d be very emotional
imagine u saying u love his bunny smile while some pink haired girl sings the attack on titan theme song
he’d mop
it’d be cathartic for him
lowkey catboy
tell taehyung to come and sing it to him
mortal enemy
are you insane
you really want to place jungkook and taehyung in the same place with the prospect of singing anime songs
lowkey catboy
ur right i don’t wanna die out of embarrassment
“So how was class today?”
Yoongi startles out of his moment with Jimin and shoves his phone back inside his pocket.
“Boring. Also there were no tangerines at the cafeteria, can you believe it? I thought that Seokjin guy was my friend but he just told me the delivery man named Namjoon cancelled because he was busy with, and I quote, ‘his stupid gay agenda bullshit and got late to work.’ So, no tangerines. Day ruined.”
“Wait, Seokjin hyung from the cafeteria? Aren’t he and Namjoon hyung boyfriends?”
Yoongi looks at him in bewilderment, but then his eyes widen in realization. “Wait, are you saying I didn't get my tangerines because they were together? Fuck— that’s even worse, he betrayed me. Damn, can’t trust anyone with your daily dose of citric fruit these days.”
Jungkook hums in agreement and takes a sip of his beer.
Yoongi notices no one is using the mic and thinks that’s probably the perfect moment — or at least, as good as it gets, the only sound coming from chatter around them and background music, not too loud because of the still early time.
Thinking of the last months he spent with Jungkook, Yoongi could only blame himself for the lack of words they have been exchanging lately.
After the slow realization he is in love with Jungkook, he started deliberately avoiding him.
He’d have dinner at some place on campus to avoid sitting with him at the end of the day at home. He’d say he was so full of assignments he wouldn’t be able to make it to Jimin and Taehyung’s by friday. He’d take a long time to answer texts and say he was too busy working on Hoseok’s music studio, which he managed to get an internship at. He’d give all sorts of excuses not to see his roommate on a daily basis.
He was in full on scared shitless mode.
The thing is, Yoongi has always loved to talk to Jungkook more than anyone else in the whole world, and he isn’t even quite sure why.
It’s like there is an unspoken understanding that every thought that crossed their minds they thought was worth sharing, they’d want the other to hear about it. Not to discuss it, but just for the sake of letting the other know.
When it comes to caring so much about someone, sharing thoughts and point of views it’s almost a whole love language, especially for them, whose connection is so quiet.
What's so special about two introverts sharing thoughts is that they’re willing to open up from one of their biggest comfort zones and just hand it all to the other to carry. It goes against what feels natural, which is to simply keep it to yourself and untangle it alone. And that’s what Yoongi and Jungkook have been doing all along. Handing themselves and holding each other carefully, like they are holding a precious gift.
Yoongi misses talking to his best friend.
“Hey, so, um.. I wanted to talk to you about something.”
Yoongi is now looking straight at his hands, wrapped up around the beer can.
Jungkook seems to notice his tone and turns at him, his voice low and slightly worried.
“Yeah, of course. What is it?”
The waves are getting wider and Yoongi takes a deep breath.
“It’s just,” he starts, a pout on his lips and eyebrows slightly frowed. “I miss you, I guess.”
“Oh.”
Yoongi stares at his hands and his skin looks like it’s glowing under the pink neon lights coming from the bar’s low roof. He tries to keep his features expressionless.
But Jungkook is able to read amongst the lines, apparently. He always does.
“It’s okay, Yoongi, you’ve been very busy with.. well, everything. But it’ll be fine, it’ll be winter break soon. We’ll go to Busan together, it’ll be like it’s always been.”
His tone is sweet and reassuring and Yoongi swallows a sudden wave of guilt.
Jungkook continues after a moment. “I miss you too, obviously.”
Obviously.
The word feels heavy on Yoongi's chest and he crawls up on himself, unintentionally trying to make himself smaller, but Jungkook notices and decides to take a step.
“Yoongi, are you alright? Is everything okay? You’ve been.. distant lately. I mean, it’s really not your fault, you’ve been really occupied, but.. I worry about you, you’ve been.. quiet.”
Fuck.
He knows. He knows Yoongi’s not okay.
That makes everything even worse.
Jungkook knows he hasn’t been fine and that he just chose to push him away.
“Sorry, kook, I didn’t mean to seem distant. I’m just—”
Say it say it say it
“There’s just a lot going on in my head right now, I didn’t mean to be absent.”
He looks like he’s trying to say more.
And Jungkook waits.
How do i do this how do i say it
God, this was a mistake
“Why did you, then?”
Yoongi startles out of his daze and looks at the boy next to him.
He looks hypnotizing under the neon lights and Yoongi’s voice comes out as a breathy whisper.
“It’s just been hard to look at you lately.”
It’s been hard to let you look at me lately.
You undress me entirely. I can't hide from you. You know me too well.
You’d know.
Yoongi feels paralyzed. He’s too afraid to say anything else, leaving the words hanging in the air for Jungkook to interpret the way he wants.
Jungkook’s expression frowns in bewilderment and Yoongi sees something in his eyes he hasn’t seen in a long time. Maybe never.
Not directed at him, at least.
Jungkook looks hurt.
“They say in Heaven, love comes first”
Year eighteen
It was graduation day.
After a busy day full of pictures and speeches and emotions, Yoongi and Jungkook went straight to the traveling bus, which would take them and a bunch of excited teenagers to the province of Gangwon.
The school, along with the classmates, organized a graduation trip to celebrate the students last year. They’d spend the weekend on one of the area’s campsites, near a river that campers could fish or even swim depending on the weather, and they were all thrilled with eager anticipation.
The trip and the first day at the camp went smoothly, some incidents involving hidden booze in sweater pockets and people sneaking to the forest to make out, but mostly calm besides it all. Yoongi and Jungkook didn’t leave each other’s sides at any moment.
Until the night came.
“Hey, do you mind if I, uhm,..”
Jungkook and Seohyeon — a girl Yoongi recognised from their shared class — had been texting each other all day, even though they were in the same campsite and could talk to each other in person.
“What?’
“Would you mind if I spend some time with Seohyeon?”
“Oh.”
They were using the two camping chairs close to their tent Jungkook’s mom had bought exclusively for their trip. It was getting dark as the sun was setting, and the golden hour was starting to fill the lakeside with a calm, pleasant atmosphere.
Yoongi looked to his left to the other tents and saw Seohyeon talking to one of her friends, and they were whispering and looking in their direction.
“Of course not, Kook, I’ll be fine.”
Jungkook looked over for the girls and turned again to Yoongi, a little hesitant.
“You sure?”
“I'm sure, it’s fine. I don't mind spending some time alone, I'll just start that book I bought.”
Jungkook stared at him fondly.
“Okay. I won't take too long, promise.”
After what Yoongi thought was about an hour, Jungkook returned and told him all about his first time with the girl he’d be talking to for more than a month, and who he had developed a huge crush on.
It was described as funny and a little messy. But a nice experience he didn’t regret at all.
Yoongi listened to everything looking at Jungkook like he was glowing.
After dinner and a few booze the students managed to hide successfully from the teachers, Yoongi and Jungkook went back to their tent.
The breeze was nice and the sleeping bags smelled like the tangerine spray Yoongi liked to use on his pillow at home. It helped him fall asleep.
“Hey,” Jungkook started, his hair falling on his forehead, looking at Yoongi who lazyly opened his eyes, humming. “You think we’ll be friends for life?”
Yoongi couldn’t stop the smile that formed on his lips.
“I hope so.”
They shared a comfortable silence after that.
They had many of those lately. Final school years, the stress of deciding what to do with the rest of their lives, leaving their houses behind for their dream to go to Seoul together. They had a few plans since they were accepted for the same university, and nothing would stop them.
So in moments like these, the silence spoke louder than any words they could speak.
They’d always be there for one another, no matter what the future reserved. It’d be just fine.
Yoongi turned to the other side seeking comfort and Jungkook promptly threw his arm on top of him, hugging him from behind.
Yoongi made his usual sound of complaining, but barely moved.
Their hands intertwined at a certain point and they slept all night.
࿐ ˚ . ✦
If Yoongi was to describe his relationship with Jungkook, he would say it was like a tent in a campsite.
In the middle of the wilderness, a small orange tent, with a campfire by the outside. Trees and animals and mysteries all around them, scary but welcoming, waiting for them to explore.
But they’re inside the tent, and it is nighttime, and the stars and the moon are bright in the sky.
He’d say his relationship with Jungkook was like a safe, warm spot in the middle of the unknown.
It’s not like they wouldn’t explore the rest. They would. But they always had that place they could come back to.
He’d always have his tent in the middle of the forest. He'd always have Jungkook's embrace. He'd always have the warmth of his chest.
He’d open his chest bare in utter vulnerability and breathe peacefully.
He’d close his eyes and open his hands because he knew he would be held.
✧*̣̩⋆̩☽⋆゜
back to the night’s point of view, the sky feels angry.
it’s getting cloudy and stars are hiding behind them as if the grey clouds were blankets, and they are being put down to sleep.
certainly, a storm would come before the calm.
the sea was pouring, but not in the right ways, and a lightning strikes somewhere in the city of seoul.
like a warning.
the wind is quiet and gentle but not the rain. the rain is implacable.
and like the rain, hitting the ground carelessly and running towards the street’s ditches in a relentless motion, there was love pouring inside the walls of that bar.
there was love and it was running towards the ditches of two hearts.
there was love and it was going to waste.
✧*̣̩⋆̩☽⋆゜
Yoongi hears lightning somewhere outside but barely takes notice.
There’s a storm forming inside of him as well.
“Wh-what do you mean? What did I do?”
And Yoongi wants to explain because Jungkook's hurt and he didn’t mean exactly what he said but he can barely breathe properly.
“Sorry, Kook, I don’t mean it like that, I— I’ve been busy and I’m going through something, it’s not your fault. That came out wrong, I'm sorry.”
“Yoongi, it’s all right, just- tell me what’s going on. Please, I’m worried.”
Although Jungkook is confused and hurt, Yoongi knows the younger’s main priority is to take care of his best friend, placing himself and his feelings second, maybe thinking he is the problem. Maybe thinking it’s his fault.
Yoongi hates himself for it.
“I'll explain, I promise, I— I'll just go to the bathroom real quick. Be right back.”
Yoongi tries to look calm as he steps down from the leather padded bench and makes his way to the bathroom, leaving Jungkook’s concerned eyes behind.
Fuck fuck fuck
He makes his way amongst people dressed in all sorts of clothes, only startling out from his rush for a moment when he sees a purple haired girl who looks at him from head to toes, smiling flirty.
He makes it to the restroom and goes straight to the sink, washing his hands and massaging his neck, trying to release some of the tension. He looks at himself in the mirror and doesn’t like what he sees.
He looks pale, tired. Dark circles under his eyes.
He looks sad.
It took too much from him to push Jungkook away for so long and he can’t keep doing this. It's crystal clear now that the feeling isn’t going anywhere. He has to tell him, he carried it for too long.
He can’t go on like this, feeling like he’s out of breath every time he sees his best friend and feeling like he’s keeping a huge secret. It's making him physically sick lately. He has to tell him.
Yoongi takes off his jeans jacket, fixes his dark hair and decides he’ll take the scariest step he’s ever taken, no excuses this time.
Making his way back to his seat, he notices Jungkook is not there anymore, and his heart skips a beat.
Please don’t be gone please don’t be gone
“Sorry, excuse me,” he addresses the bartender, a grey long-haired tall person with cat eyeliner and dark clothes. “Have you seen the boy that was here with me? Emo-like, leather jacket and a face tattoo but smells like a baby. Bunny smile.”
The bartender smirks knowingly and Yoongi feels a shiver running down his spine for some reason.
“You mean the pretty boy on stage?”
What?
Yoongi frowns deeply in confusion and before he turns around, a low-pitched voice reaches his ears.
A voice he’d recognize anywhere. He'd recognize it on a friday night, in a vintage bar, on a full moon night.
A voice he would recognize in his heavier dreams, in the middle of a forest, at the end of the world.
࿐ ˚ . ✦
Blue lights.
The stage is illuminated with led dark blue lights and Jungkook looks otherworldly beautiful.
Yoongi’s heart does a funny thing but he tries to stay calm. His mind is weightless and his senses are a bit off due to the alcohol, and the buzz in his ears is starting to get a little annoying.
The buzz being all the sounds on the bar that aren’t Jungkook’s voice on the microphone.
“Hello, mhm, good evening,” Jungkook starts, both hands on the mic and smart eyes investigating the room. “I'm Jungkook and I'll be singing a song I wrote myself, I hope y’all don’t mind it.”
Yoongi adjusts himself on his seat and everything inside of him wants to scream.
Jungkook turns his head and walks in a quick motion to the computer by the side of the stage, typing on the keyboard to start the song.
Did he prepare this? the thought occurs in Yoongi’s mind.
He hugs himself and waits.
Jungkook goes back up on stage and adjusts himself, hands on the microphone, eyes on the crowd.
There's something right about Jungkook on a stage. He seems nervous, but he looks good.
He looks like he belongs.
Yoongi's grip around his beer can tightens and Jungkook starts singing, his voice and the melody filling the room.
And Yoongi is floating.
࿐ ˚ . ✦
There's this thing about friday nights.
They’re never just friday nights. They have this aura about them. The dazzling, mysterious feeling. Almost like suddenly, you aren’t exactly on your everyday life anymore.
Almost like you’re somewhere else entirely. In another world. In another spot in space.
The neon lights of The Gloss, the laughter, the noises of glasses touching, the welcoming environment.
And all of the sudden, the most beautiful singing voice Yoongi has ever heard in his life.
It feels like a dream. Like he’s being ripped off his human shell. Like he is.. somewhere else.
Jungkook sings his heart out staring at Yoongi at the very end of the song and he feels like floating.
The song has the most beautiful lyrics and for a moment Yoongi catches himself thinking only Jungkook would be capable of writing something so full of.. his own heart.
And then it hits him.
That faint voice of yours that grazed me
Please call my name one more time
I’m standing still under the frozen light, but
I will walk towards you, step by step
Still with you
The waves are torturous inside of him, relentless, merciless.
Yoongi feels a shiver running up on his spine as he was harshly grabbed from his own piece heaven
And goes straight to his personal hell within seconds.
All the bad feelings he has been caging inside of him for months start to tremble, as if they all come forward and demand to be felt at the same time, charging their prices at once.
At one moment he is floating and on the next he is
Down
Down
Down
On his own fears and insecurities
And the sea inside of him is now a dark place in the middle of the ocean, lightning and giant relentless waves striking him to his core, and he is alone and scared
And he feels like drowning.
“When the night falls down
I wait for you, and you come around”
Year twenty one
bunny
he broke up with me yoongi
can u come pick me up
i’m by his building
please
i don’t think i can be by myself rn
i’m sorry
please
highkey catboy
kook i’m so sorry
i’m on my way
i’ll be there in 10 i promise
it’ll be okay
Jungkook had been dating a boy for a solid year. He was a biology major Jungkook met in one of the countless college parties he had attended and fell in love with since the first time they hooked up. He wouldn’t shut up about how it was the best kiss of his life, how the boy’s laugh was contagious, how he made his heart flutter.
He was also a total dick. Yoongi never liked the guy.
highkey catboy
i’m on my car kook
are you by the sidewalk?
bunny
yeah
sorry for making u come
highkey catboy
don’t even start seriously
there’s nothing to be sorry for
i’m on my way
bunny
thanks
i'm sorry
love you
That made Yoongi push his foot further on the gas pedal.
Jungkook was going through a few problems with his relationship. Long story short, he was the one who cared the most, who loved the most. It felt unfair. He was giving himself fully to a person who wasn’t capable of handling all of him.
He didn’t want to feel like a mere convenience anymore, he didn’t want to be loved in half.
And Yoongi knew how love looked on Jungkook. It suits him. And that wasn’t it.
It was like watching Jungkook struggle to wear something that didn’t fit him anymore. As much as he would like to, it made no effort to fit him whatsoever.
The sad part was Jungkook always had love enough to cover every part of the relationship, and he knew that.
So for a long time, Yoongi watched Jungkook get hurt from placing too much of himself on relationships that were doomed to fail, and he couldn’t do anything about it other than be there for him every single time.
For someone who loves so much, a heartbreak feels like the end of the world.
But at least, when you place so much love out there, there’s always someone to hold your hand when the world comes down to ruins.
(There’s always someone who’ll recognize your voice when you’re calling.)
Getting by the address Yoongi had already learned, Jungkook was indeed by the sidewalk as he had said, his eyes swollen like he cried his heart out and his expression unreadable.
Yoongi felt like all the air inside his lungs had been ripped out.
At that moment, they were both broken.
Yoongi drove Jungkook home and took care of him. He made him dinner, picked his clothes for him to shower, caressed his hair while he cried.
They did it all quietly, nearly no words being exchanged. Yoongi knew Jungkook didn’t want to talk yet, so he just stood by his side.
He just made himself present at all times.
When it was around midnight, they were in Yoongi’s bed, the room nearly pitch dark, the only sound coming from the air conditioner.
And when he thought the boy was close to falling asleep, Yoongi whispered:
“Go to sleep, bun. I’m still with you.”
And little did he know that what he said would stick with Jungkook like a tattoo.
It was carved on his heart, because he read between the lines.
The words and I always will be were floating in the air, unspoken, but felt.
Jungkook let himself be swallowed by unconsciousness as if it was a blanket, feeling warm all over, but his heart didn’t get any rest, paying meticulous attention to Yoongi's heartbeats.
His heart stood up all night attaching a melody to the lyrics the room was whispering.
࿐ ˚ . ✦
“Thank you,” Jungkook says on the mic, followed by a wave of applause and cheers. The nervousness he felt at first now replaced by adrenaline and he smiles and bows shyly, full of energy that is making him feel over the moon.
Until he looks over at Yoongi’s direction and notices no one is there.
Jungkook thinks maybe he had to go to the restroom so he makes his way looking for him, unsuccessfully. Scanning around the room full of unknown faces, he searches for his friend and is granted with a drink being spilled on his shirt and a few flirtatious smiles.
But no sign of Yoongi.
He tries to swallow a shudder of anxiety.
“Hey, sorry,” he politely addresses the bartender, who’s wiping a cup of glass. “Did you see where the guy that was seated here went? Black hair, pretends to have an attitude but is a softie. Cat eyes.”
“Your date? He went towards the back door, I think. Nice voice, by the way, you have a way for it.”
Jungkook thanks them with a shy smile and goes towards the backdoor.
The alley behind the bar is narrow and would be completely pitch dark if it wasn’t for the neon red lights announcing rooms on the other side, the stars and the moonlight.
Jungkook opens the door and hugs himself inside his jacket trying to escape the cold, and there’s light rain falling from the sky forming water puddles on the street made of slightly irregular paving stones.
He sees Yoongi under the bar’s marquise, on top of what seems to be a high metal trash can shed. His hands are grabbing its edge a little too harshly and his legs are swaying back and forth.
“Hey,” Jungkook runs to him, poorly covering himself from the rain. “What are you doing here?”
Yoongi doesn’t even flinch, his only apparent reaction being gulping.
“It's nothing, I just needed some air,” he clarifies, even though the are you alright question was only implied.
He pulls himself up on the shed and seats besides Yoongi quietly, giving him the space he knew he needed, and waits.
He just.. waits.
“You were amazing back there,” Yoongi mumbles, his eyes fixed on a point between his feet that keeps going back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
Jungkook looks at him and he notices how stunning he looks under the red lights.
He breathes out.
“Thanks, it was no big deal.”
“Yes, it was, dumbass,” Yoongi says, glancing at Jungkook. “It was a hell of a big deal. You’re a great singer. I’ve always told you that.”
“Yeah, guess you did. The lyrics are a new thing, though.”
Yoongi lets himself fall against the brick wall behind the shed and crosses his arms. “I noticed, where did that come from? I mean, I know you’re amazing in everything you set your mind to, but.. that was just so good, Kook. Truly.”
“Thanks, Yoongi. I don't know, I just.. it’s like it came to me one day. “
Yoongi hummed. “Why am I not surprised?”
“You’ve always believed in me more than I believed in myself.”
“And I'll continue to do it until you believe just as much. You know that.”
Jungkook could feel a slight shift in the atmosphere between them. He wasn't quite sure why.
He noticed when Yoongi’s body language became more stiff, as if he was preparing to do something.
“Kookie, look, I have something i need to tell y—”
“Yoongi,” Jungkook interrupted. “Wait. Just..”
Jungkook jumps out of the high seat and stands up, placing himself in front of Yoongi, placing his hands by the shed.
He notices Yoongi is looking down and gulps.
Slowly, Jungkook takes the boy by his chin and pulls his face up, unspokenly asking for Yoongi to make eye contact with him.
He looks dazzling under the red lights, his skin looking soft. Inviting.
Jungkook can’t stop his thumb from caressing his cheek, and Yoongi’s eyes look so full of emotion Jungkook is afraid to make one single move.
“I wanna ask you something first.”
His tone low-pitched, his chest voice.
“What’s something that you would like to do, Yoongi? That you’ve never done?”
Jungkook thinks he’s trembling slightly. He's afraid.
He’s afraid because..
He's in love.
He’s undeniably in love with Yoongi.
And like the last breath in a rap song, after singing his heart out, leaving himself bare on stage, Yoongi answers.
“To let go.”
“We'll make Heaven a place on Earth”
Year twenty three
“Do you think he would kiss me?”
“Who wouldn’t, Jimin-ah?
“Yeah, right. You did when you were 16, I remember.”
Yoongi finished taking his sip of beer and stared at him.
“Will you ever stop bringing this up?”
Jimin kept looking at the blue haired boy across the room who he was, apparently, very interested in. “Not until the day I die and perhaps later. I'll just pass the message to the ghost that lives by your place and your mom texts you or something.”
Yoongi just rolled his eyes. “Just go talk to him already, you don’t usually take this long.”
“I know, it’s just that,” Jimin passed his hand through his blonde hair, gaze fixed on the boy not failing for a single moment. Yoongi was already starting to feel dizzy and the fraternity party was only beginning. “He only looked at me once, I don't know if he’s interested. Maybe later.”
“Yoongi, are you drunk already?,” Jungkook questioned, standing by his other side. “You’re doing that thing with your lips that you do when you’re wasted.”
Yoongi startled a bit and turned at Jungkook, who was holding a mug full of red liquid Yoongi didn’t bother to ask what it was.
He just took from his hand and took two long sips.
“Now I'm about to be,” he answered, a smile playing on his lips.
He had only begun to realize his feelings towards his best friend were different lately, so he was dealing with it appropriately.
Denying and shoving his feelings inside of him and getting shit-faced every chance he got.
And sure enough, by the time good music was finally playing and people didn’t care about the way they danced anymore, Yoongi was a bit more than tipsy.
Hell, that was an understatement. Yoongi was drunk.
Jimin was next to him kissing the boy with blue hair like it was the last time they would see each other, but for the way Jimin looked at him when he was catching his breath between kisses, Yoongi knew he probably didn’t want that to be the last time. And for the way the boy — Taehyung for what his tricky mind could remember — looked at Jimin, Yoongi thought he was capable of dropping to his knees and proposing to him at any moment.
Good for him, Yoongi though. He could use someone who looked at him like that.
“Hey,” Jimin turned at Yoongi and Jungkook, Taehyung's head on his shoulder, apparently whispering something, Jimin's hand caressing his nape hair. “You wanna kiss my friend?”
He asked looking at Yoongi. And also at Jungkook.
They exchanged looks for a moment and Yoongi took a step towards Jimin and Taehyung’s direction.
Yoongi placed his hand on Taehyun’s nape, caressing his hair along with Jimin, and Taehyung closed his eyes for a moment, a slight smile on his lips.
Taehyung raised his head and looked at Yoongi, his eyes narrow, looking at his lips. They approached slowly and kissed like they had all the time in the world. Yoongi’s hand pulled Taehyung by his waist, bringing him closer, and their tongues intertwined. Taehyung grabbed Yoongi’s hair a little harshly, but enough to make his stomach tighten, and his lips slightly opened in a quiet moan.
He looked at his side for a moment and stared at Jimin and Jungkook, who were all over each other. Jungkook's hands by Jimin’s waist, pulling him close, Jimin's hands on Jungkook's hair, running, caressing. Taehyung was kissing Yoongi's neck as he watched Jungkook grabbing Jimin's ass with both hands, making Jimin shudder and move to his neck.
Yoongi and Jungkook stared at each other and Yoongi felt hot all over.
Suddenly the room was too small and there were too many people and the music was loud.
And Jungkook was looking at Yoongi like he wanted to kiss him.
Taehyung looked at Yoongi again and they shared one more kiss, both smiling at the end.
“Nice to meet you, Taehyung-ah,” Yoongi whispered, his tone low.
Taehyung smirked, his eyes on Yoongi’s lips. “Pleasure was all mine.”
“My boys are getting along, how sweet,” Jimin said, biting his lip and looking back and forth at Taehyung and Yoongi. Like they could read his mind, they got closer again, kissing while Jimin caressed their napes, pulling hair from time to time, making them moan quietly in each other’s mouths.
After a couple of minutes, Taehyung pulled Jimin and the three of them kissed, a mess of tongues and hands. Jimin pulled Jungkook by his shirt to join them, smiling. After a spontaneous moment of them trying to make it work and realizing it was a little too messy, Jimin turned at Taehyung, moving his hand to the boy's mouth, who licked his thumb for a moment while Jimin looked at him with hungry eyes, before kissing him breathless.
At that moment, Jungkook turned at Yoongi and smiled at him softly, and Yoongi didn’t know what to do. He really wanted to kiss him.
Shit, he was too drunk for this.
But apparently, it didn’t mean much to Jungkook. He took a step closer and looked at Yoongi, his eyes dragging up and down, making him shiver.
“Hi.”
“Hi,” Yoongi replied, paralyzed.
Jungkook placed his hand by Yoongi's chin, his thumb slightly touching his bottom lip, but enough to make Yoongi lose his breath and nearly close his eyes.
“Is this okay?”
Low-pitched tone, chest voice, accent noticeable.
Yes
Yes please
“Yes.”
Jungkook was staring at Yoongi’s lips and he wasn’t sure time was passing normally, everything felt like it was moving in slow-motion.
The air felt heavy and the music was loud and Yoongi’s senses were heightened, and he felt like he was going to die if he didn't kiss Jungkook at that very moment.
They moved closer and closer and closer
Their lips finally touched and Yoongi was floating
But...
Only for a moment.
Only for a vicious second.
(Like getting to know what heaven feels like but being cruelly ripped out from it right after.)
Yoongi came down from his daze and took a step back that took every fiber of his being, trying to catch his breath, his eyes shut.
“Yoongi, what— what is it, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m okay, I—”
Fuck fuck fuck fuck
It doesn't mean anything to him it doesn’t mean anything
Yoongi tried to fight the nausea but everything was just so much .
And it wasn't due to the alcohol at all.
“Sorry, I— I feel like i’m gonna be sick, I think I drunk too much, sorry-”
Yoongi ran away towards the bathroom and barely made it before getting sick, his stomach a mess, his throat and his eyes burning.
The thought that the kiss would mean nothing to Jungkook hurt more than he expected. It hurt more than stepping back from him. Hurt more than the look in his eyes when Yoongi rejected him.
He sat down on the bathroom floor and ignored the knocks that started to occur after a couple of minutes. People asking if someone died in there, if someone’s having sex, if someone’s doing drugs so they could join.
Yoongi stood there until he collected himself. Or at least, what he thought was left of him.
And still with the bitter taste in his throat, he tried to swallow his heart back inside. He closed his eyes and breathed. He just couldn't tell him.
That night was the beginning.
All the following months would pass like a blur to Yoongi, all fuzzy and confusing. Full of empty excuses and sleepless nights.
It passed like a blur and at the same time like he was stuck in a loop whe couldn’t get himself out of.
Until his ocean was leaking and he couldn’t bear it any longer.
And it occurred to be a friday night.
࿐ ˚ . ✦
“Let go of what, Yoongi?”
Jungkook questions him, his tone a bit rispid, although Yoongi knows there’s nothing behind it other than worry.
“You have to give me more than that.”
I'm trying here , he reads between the lines.
A moment passes and Yoongi relaxes his posture, air coming out of his lungs.
“Let go of everything. It’s too heavy, Kook. Weighs too much. It hurts.”
It bends and breaks me and it shatters my bones and I don't want it anymore
“What’s too heavy?”
“Loving you like this. Loving you weighs too much.”
There’s a strike somewhere. They don’t care.
Yoongi’s drowning again.
Jungkook pulls away slightly, breathing out and he goes. The frown between his eyes disappears and he looks at the boy in front of him.
“You know why that is?”
Yoongi shakes his head, his eyes fixed on Jungkook’s. Naked. Vulnerable.
“Because you’re burying it inside yourself for months, Yoongi. Of course it breaks you. You’re not even giving me a chance to hold you anymore.”
Yoongi’s heart is beating fast inside his chest and he frowns deeply.
“Wait, d-did you know?”
Jungkook lets out a humorless laugh.
“I’m honestly a little offended it didn’t even cross your mind that I'd notice. I thought maybe I was projecting at first, but.. I have known you for my whole life. You’ve loved me since we met but it feels different now. Doesn’t it?”
Yes
“Yes. Feels different now.”
“Not wider, right? just..” he’s looking at Yoongi’s eyes like he can read every single thought he’s ever had. And Yoongi surrenders. “Slightly different.”
Oh.
He’s talking like he gets it
He’s talking like he feels it too
“Not better or worse,” Yoongi whispers, his eyes now on the boy's lips, staring shamelessly. “Just different.”
The rain is pouring and the moon is shining.
Jungkook looks at him and says, “I missed you.”
I will look into your eyes
And say, "I missed you"
Yoongi wraps his arms around his neck and licks his lips. He thinks he’s trembling a little, but he doesn't care.
He's letting go.
He’s pouring.
“So kiss me like that,” Yoongi can only whisper. Desperation, devotion, love in his tone. And so, so much longing. “Kiss me like you miss me.”
By the time this mist clears
I'll run with my feet wet
So hug me then
When their lips touch, Yoongi thinks he didn’t need to be so scared of himself.
Nothing is capable of breaking what they have to a point of no return.
They’d always have each other to pick up the pieces and hold it all in time of need. They’d always have a way of figuring out if it came to be unrequited love.
But Yoongi can’t lie. Not anymore.
He tightens his arms around Jungkook and brings him closer.
He’s glad he’ll never have to find out if it was.
࿐ ˚ . ✦
Kissing Jungkook is an experience.
Like you’re inside the walls of a night bar, seated on a leather bench, a beer in your hands that shine under the neon lights, the rain falling outside. And the melodic voice coming from the microphone is whispering beautiful things to you.
Kissing Jungkook is like listening to him sing a song he wrote just for you. And you’re undeniably in love with him.
And back to the alley, he is writing the most beautiful lines on Yoongi's lips and the sea inside of him never felt so... quiet.
The relentless and merciless long gone, placed by a lull so full of peacefulness Yoongi felt the most relaxed in a long time.
Like he could breathe for the first time.
Like he’s reached the doldrums, at last.
Jungkook places his hands under Yoongi’s thighs and pulls him closer to the shed’s edge, and Yoongi’s legs wrap Jungkook’s hips promptly, like it’s natural, like he’s used to it, like they've been doing it for a long time.
Jungkook kisses Yoongi breathless, passionately, devotedly. Like he can’t get enough of him.
Almost like.. he’s been waiting for this even longer than Yoongi did.
And the two boys — kissing under those red lights as if they were walking in the desert for hours and the other is a waterfall — can hear a song in the back of their minds, coming from inside the bar.
Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart
Oh, Thursday doesn't even start
It's Friday, I'm in love…
࿐ ˚ . ✦
In another place in the city of Seoul, two boys hear the rain pouring outside their apartment and slow dance in their living room with a red linen blanket covering them, and the moon and the stars greet their old friends.
࿐ ˚ . ✦
Jungkook loves Yoongi like a heartbeat. Fast, harshly. Unstoppable and untamable.
But quietly. You can only hear it if you're paying attention. Like trying to hear something magical, but reserved. Something so beautiful that not everyone has the privilege to listen with their own ears, or see with their own eyes.
Something so majestic and gentle and full of serenity, not meant to let it show too much. But meant to be appreciated by far, touched carefully, softly.
But not fragile, never fragile. It’s certain.
He loves dramatically, but gently.
Like a quiet scream.
(Like a song by Lorde or Hozier.)
All his feverish feelings bubbling inside on his chest pouring as a slight hand touch, like a brush full of ink touching the canvas for the first time. With intent, but holding back. Measuring, pondering.
(Like big doe eyes looking at his new neighbour for the first time and deciding he’d be his friend forever).
Holding back because he could only hope the canvas is prepared for all the ink, for everything he wants to give.
For all the love he has to offer.
Through the years, Jungkook felt Yoongi's canvas was always there. But still, he painted carefully. Not because he thought Yoongi wouldn’t accept it, but because he knew he just wasn’t entirely ready for all of it.
Now he can see all his colors when Yoongi looks at him, reflecting all the love he placed on the canvas. He doesn’t have to hold back anymore.
Now, Jungkook doesn’t know how to love Yoongi in any other way. He only knows how to love like it was his last breath, like it’s the only thing he is meant to do.
He only knows how to love with his entire being. He loves fully and selflessly, with his heart in his hands, completely bare, entirely vulnerable.
Now Jungkook paints Yoongi as easily as he breathes and Yoongi lets himself pour for Jungkook without any restraints.
Jungkook's movements with the brush are in the same rhythm as Yoongi's waves.
And their love is blue like the ocean and led neon lights.
✧*̣̩⋆̩☽⋆゜
the moon envies the two souls intertwining under those red lights.
she wishes the stars could embrace her like that boy standing on his feet embraces the other. like it’s protecting him, surrounding him.
like the standing boy is a star, and came to his satellite’s arms.
like he’s a star on the boy’s night sky.
like he’s touching something sacred.
✧*̣̩⋆̩☽⋆゜
Back inside the bar, the boys laugh, smile, bicker.
And kiss and kiss and kiss.
They kiss like they can’t get enough, and like it’s overwhelming. Like it’s their last breath, and like they’re used to it.
They kiss like it’s the end of the world, and like it’s just another friday night.
Feels nice to have someone to share your feelings with, and they smile at the beginning and at the end of every single kiss.
“You keep making that face when I get close to you,” Jungkook whispers.
“What face?”
They are in the middle of the dance floor under colorful neon lights, unknown faces all around them, and the feeling that they belong.
“Like you can’t wait for the kiss to begin.”
Jungkook doesn't tell him, but that became his favorite thing in the world, that very moment.
When Jungkook's seconds away from touching his lips, Yoongi looks breathtaking. He looks like he can’t hold himself, his eyes narrow and full of expectation.
He looks like he’s about to float and can’t wait for Jungkook to go along with him.
✧*̣̩⋆̩☽⋆゜
there is a mist after the rain.
not outside the bar, but inside of it, where dozens of people dance alone as if their lives depend on it, bodies undulating with the current as seaweed underwater, and white fog invades the bar’s floor.
and in the sky, the moon no longer weeps. it no longer feels lonely.
the stars are shining again and people feel they belong to the night.
children of the moon.
in the middle of warm bodies and under colorful lights, two boys kiss like they’re making their own conception of time. like they’re creating something entirely new.
like they’re creating their own piece of heaven on earth, because that’s what friday nights are for.
and behind the gloss’ bar counter, a silver haired person with a moon tattoo on their wrist watches the whole scene with a smile on their lips.
✧*̣̩⋆̩☽⋆゜