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“We shouldn't” - these were the words Javi said to him when they had seen each other for the last time before the pandemic started - at Japanese Nats, Christmas 2019. he broke the kiss and said “we shouldn’t. I don’t want you to get more attached and then be hurting because we can’t be together. there are things we can’t change. I live in Spain, you are in Toronto most of the time . I really don’t believe in long distance relationships. I've tried enough times to be sure that they never work. do you understand?”
Yuzu did. the situation was clear. they finally confesed their feelings to each other, shared the best make-out session of his entire life and now, to his frustration, they were not having sex because Javier feared it would make Yuzu “more attatched and hurting”. ffs, he was gonna be hurting anyways, he would much more prefer to be fucked and hurting. but he was too shocked and overwhelmed to voice his disagreement. he nodded politely, he hugged his former teammate the usual way….“see you at fantasy on ice this summer, or maybe even earlier, at worlds in Montreal…..” said the Spaniard as he was leaving Yuzuru’s hotel room. little did he know…..
….
for the two time olympic champion the two years of pandemic felt like eternity. moving back to Japan, having to train all by himself, to adapt, to do things he had never had to do before. most of his days were painfully boring and similar to each other. no competitions, no ice shows, almost no interactions with the outside world… no Javi hugs or kisses… two long years - over 700 days and it’s safe to say that Yuzu thought of Javi on every single one of them. occasionally they would exchange messages: “happy merry christmas'', “happy 26th birthday” “why tf did you travel to Russia for the ice show in the middle of a pandemic?”, “good luck in Stockholm'', “how’s your new skating school?”. and sometimes, when Javi was drunk enough and in the mood, he would go to IG, check the “yuzuvier” hashtag, feel nostalgic, open the dms and start typing…and once in a blue moon, if Yuzu was awake and in the mood as well they would adress the elephant in the room, have long, honest conversations about their relationship over the years and how stupid and blind they were when they trained together. They talked about that evening in Nagano. Yuzu bluntly told Javi how his words about “getting attached” made him feel. Javi confessed that the memory of that one magical kiss meant a lot to him, they talked “what ifs” and ... they agreed that, given the current situation it would probably be better for both of them to try to forget and move on. not that Yuzu ever believed he was really able to, of course. but Javi seemed to be doing great, immersed in work, different projects and he wanted what’s best for Javi. And the months kept passing by, and the worldwide situation kept getting worse, and nothing mattered anyway because they were trapped in their houses on two different continents across the world.
…
Finally, in the fall of 2021, for the first time in two years the situation finally got better. One day Javi gets a message from his former teammate “I’m back in Toronto, training at tcc again, heard that you are coming to work on a new exhibition with David next month. It means that we will see each other soon... how do you wanna play it? what is it gonna be like?” to which Spaniard replies: “for me, it’s simple. you are still one of my best friends, you'll always be my best friend. it’s only natural to me to hug you when I see you, just like we always do. if it’s ok with you, of course...”
the reply he gets is:
“When are you coming? I’ll get a taxi to the airport and pick you up”
“taxi, huh? still haven't gotten the driving licence, have you?”
“you were the one that once told me that ‘people don’t change, they just become more of who they really are’ ;) ”
…
So yeah, none of them has probably changed that much and Yuzu has the impression that despite the conversations they had, there are still some unanswered questions and “unfinished business” between them. as he gets closer to the airport he keeps thinking: they haven't seen each other for almost 2 years. The last time they hugged feels like a lifetime ago. To the point where the Japanese wonders "was it even real? Everything that happened?" he can barely remember what it felt like to melt into Javi's arms, he can't recall the smell of his hair.. He arrives at the airport and the first thing he sees in the crowd is Javi's back, the broad, muscular shoulders, tanned neck, gorgeous curls. Should he run? Should he shout and wave? Just looking at Javi's back triggers a flood of emotions. Finally he takes his phone out of his pocket, looks for Javi's phone number, calls him and simply says "turn around". Javi turns, spots Yuzu and for a brief moment he holds back, just stares thinking that maybe he should give Yuzu some space...but then he lets go of the suitcase, they start walking towards each other at the same time, eventually running. They are like two magnets. the Japanese gets so excited, he literally jumps on his friend, wraps his arms around his neck and his legs around his hips. And they hug, they hug tightly, just like they always do, like two very warm pieces of one puzzle. There are tears in Yuzuru's eyes and none of them wants to break the hug because this is where they belong - in each others’ arms.
It’s like a switch flips in Javi’s brain. He feels like a movie character having a moment of full realisation. he feels like he hasn’t been breathing for the past 2 years but wasn’t aware of it and now the sudden flow of oxygen in his body intoxicates him. this (not so slender anymore) boy in his arms is his oxygen. and he knows, he is finally 100% sure he would sacrifice everything to be with Yuzu. how could he be so stupid to think that things like distance or cultural differences matter? will he ever make up to Yuzu for making him feel neglected and not wanted? every cell in Javi’s body needs and wants Yuzu.
“i’m so sorry for all the lost time. I’m so sorry I didn’t believe in us. I could kiss you right here, right now” - he whispers into Yuzu’s ear to which the younger replies: “I wouldn’t mind at all” - they finally make eye contact, barely seeing each other through the falls of tears. no more words are really needed.
“but…..” Yuzu decides to break the silence and tease his friend a bit “should we? wouldn’t kissing you in public make me more attached and hurti….? ”. he is not able to finish the sentence, as Javi shuts his mouth with a passionate kiss.