Chapter Text
Time changed, we're different
But my mind still says redundant things
Can I not think?
Will you love this part of me?
My lover is a day I can't forget
Atsumu had had a crush on Sakusa for a while but he never got the courage to tell him. He was sure the other would laugh at him and reject him. Atsumu was an asshole after all. Everybody thought he was unbreakable. For a while that was true - until it wasn’t.
Furthering my distance from you
Realistically I can't leave now
But I'm okay as long as you
Keep me from going crazy
Keep me from going crazy
Atsumu finally asked Sakusa out when Sakusa joined the MSBY Jackals. To Atsumu’s surprise, Sakusa agreed. Soon after they decided to tell their team. No one was surprised and said that they were already expecting it. The relationship was healthy and both of them loved each other very much. At the time Sakusa didn’t know that he was one of only two things keeping Atsumu alive, the other being Atsumu’s twin - Osamu.
Straight up ahead you'll find a sign
That says you can't get by with a lie
But if I stayed away by a thread from the glory path
And made my life harder, lying 'bout the stupid shit I say
Then you wouldn't know a single thing about
How I feel about you
And those really dumb things people feel
Atsumu’s head was a roaring ocean on the best of days. The constant feeling of worthlessness was looming over him and often times he wondered how anybody tolerated him. Not even Sakusa knew about the scars that littered Atsumu’s thighs. Reminders of nights where everything had been too much.
I'll take the bumpy road, it'll probably break my legs
As long as I don't show you what's ruining my head
Funny thing about you is you read me pretty well
But you haven't found me yet at the bottom of the well
Annoying you with smoke signals, asking you for help
'Cause your immediate presence lifts me straight away from hell
Late one night, Atsumu found himself on a bridge, watching the river flow beneath him. He had written letters of apologies and gratitude to his family, his team, to Osamu, and to Sakusa. He was sure he was going to jump - until he wasn’t. Atsumu’s phone started impatiently ringing. He could basically hear the worry and fear of whoever was making that phone call. He checked to see who the caller was-
omi-omi <3 is calling
Me and Mr. Heart, we say the cutest things about you
How you seem unreal and we'd probably die so quick without you
Suffocated from the radiated air around us
Full of happiness we don't have
Brightness gone, so dark without you, girl
“What the hell 'Tsumu?! What were ya thinkin'?” the voice belongs to Atumu’s brother. Atsumu can’t even respond. He doesn’t know how to. He doesn’t know what to respond with. Atsumu felt his body being dragged into his brother’s car but he couldn’t care less. He didn’t feel as if he was there. He knew his brother was crying, he probably was too. They sat in silence 'till they arrived at the MSBY Jackals apartment building. Waiting for him there was his beloved Omi - kun. In that moment Atsumu realised why he stayed. He stayed for his brother and his lover.
Time changed, we're different
But my mind still says redundant things
Can I not think?
Will you love this part of me?
My lover is a day I can't forget
Back at the apartment they all sat in silence - Atsumu, Osamu and Sakusa. Atsumu had a blanket wrapped around him as he drank the tea Osamu had prepared. He knew they both had questions but they didn’t ask him any. He was grateful for that.
Furthering my distance from you
Realistically I can't leave now
But I'm okay as long as you
Keep me from going crazy
Keep me from going crazy
The next morning was rough to say the least. Atsumu was being pried for answers that he did not have. Osamu couldn't let go of him, fearing that if he did he would lose Atsumu forever. Sakusa was the worst. He was unreadable. Atsumu wonderd if he'd made Sakusa hate him. Atsumu wouldn't have been surprised if he actually had.
sakusa was worried and mad at himself
Family calls me crazy and my friends say I'm degenerate
But you tell me I'm so generous and my self-worth isn't hideous
This psychedelic canvas or the person I'm becoming
Went from horror movie on TV to happy ending princess me
Things got better. Atsumu started going to therapy and actually telling his friends and family how he felt. It was hard at first, but Sakusa and Osamu were right there for all of it. But Atsumu was still so tired.
Processing the information, transferred from your mind to me
At light speed, like the Falcon from the original Star Wars trilogy
Feeling like a free ol' me, when I was six and no worries
Would stop me from reaching the stars, a million miles away from me
It was a spur of the moment decision. Atsumu was laying on his bathroom floor with bloodied thighs and hands. He thought he'd gotten better.
Snapping out of his thoughts, Atsumu started cleaning everything up. It was a sunday morning, so he didn't expect any visito-
knock knock knock
Sick in the head for you and no cure has been discovered
Like a plague hitting my body
Except if I fall I'm just fallin' for you
Conscious beyond knowledge alterations are acknowledged
And the beauty you've inflicted is always in its action