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It begins in one of the old houses on the side of town developers never show newcomers.
The house smells like the residue of used cigarettes, a pungent stench that never goes away no matter how many times Donghyuck's mother cleans his father's work shirts—they always carry the lazy scent of old Marlboro boxes and sweat.
Sometimes when there’s more life than the dying succulent plant adorning the ledge of the shattered bay window. Fly Me to the Moon fills the white silence and overtakes the old blue box fan’s mechanic staccato. Donghyuck thinks he's better off playing a more twisted tune, but Donghyuck's had enough unhappy endings to listen to them anymore. And blood too. Lots of blood.
Not as much blood as now, but Mark's knees are always bruised purple like the evening sky above them whenever he comes back from cheer practice.
Donghyuck notices that there’s some on his thighs too, going down to his ankles like the first night Mark lost his virginity their first year of community college. A star quarterback named Yukhei who Mark dumped two days later. Too hopeful, Mark said.
An unfounded logic, but then again, Mark has never been someone who’s been known for being hopeful. Always calmly giving up at whatever difficulty came his way. He had even joked that it would take a miracle for him to graduate from high school— which to Mark’s credit, he did because he copied all Donghyuck’s homework and enrolled in every class Donghyuck told him to.
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“Can you stay still?” Donghyuck hears Mark's demand and it pulls him out of his reverie. Mark’s command doesn’t come out as a chide, but rather playful banter with the way the corners of Mark’s mouth slowly curl up into a Cheshire-like smile. There’s no malice, just fondness.
Donghyuck doesn’t know if he’s celebrating an idea of Mark that doesn’t exist, that he will always be number 1 in Mark’s eyes.
Despite being childhood friends for so many years now, Donghyuck’s never been able to read Mark’s eyes but it never looks like he gives to any of his exes; it always has been and will always be for Donghyuck.
“Fine.” Donghyuck complies keeping his hand out flat on the beat-up cherry wood table, fingers fully extended allowing Mark to paint each one of his fingernails with a 99 cents store black nail polish Mark found lying around in the living room.
There isn’t a mall or cosmetic shop nearby— just tacky crackled nail polish supplied at the gas station next to the keychains no one ever buys because Devil’s Kettle isn’t worth visiting.
The most interesting thing about their hometown is the beheaded Christopher Columbus statue that used proudly stand in front of the local community college.
A statue that only exists because Renjun Huang got piss drunk after a rave and decided to use it as a swing. He limped back claiming that he had fought a mugger on his way back from a game, but no one believed him.
No one reads the news, so Renjun didn't get arrested.
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But the headless statue isn’t enough to make people stay. The moment people graduate from high school in Devil’s Kettle, they grab their high school diploma and revel in Californian dreams and whatever silly things that are promised when one turns 18. But for those like Donghyuck and Mark, who don’t have enough money to go out of state, they stay and hope to eventually transfer to the state school.
Once Donghyuck's nails are dry enough, Mark gently lays over each one with a coat of white glitter in the form of small stars.
It's cliché isn’t it? The nerdy math major being best friends with the star cheerleader spending their Friday nights painting each other’s nails talking about whoever’s heart Mark broke earlier that day.
Mark’s always in his cheerleading uniform: a bright red velvet tracksuit and beat-up Nike AirForce1s whose soles were quickly yellowing with each passing day. There’s also a lingering smell of cheap alcohol— but it’s never too overwhelming.
Mark has his share of pretty boys every week. Pretty girls too.
He prefers pretty boys over girls though, but Mark’s never fallen in love with any one of them. He always meets them at parties, thinks first with his dick and never his heart. Mark never lingers, always coming back to Donghyuck. Especially when he’s bored after sex.
Donghyuck doesn’t get it. Why does Mark choose to hang out with him? A loser with big thick glasses and his elastics always changing color to whichever one Mark told him would look cute on him. Mark is the complete opposite. He’s the popular boy everyone has fallen in love with once— butterflies dissipating as easily as they were imagined.
“It’s because I like you,” Mark always says and as always, Donghyuck settles.
He settles for what Mark gives him.
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Tonight, Mark’s nails aren’t laced with grimy dried-up blood. Something Donghyuck has always taken for granted.
But this isn’t something that should have been missed in the first place.
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Donghyuck never goes to any of the concerts Mark goes to— even though he always goes everywhere else with Mark.
He’s forgotten what it means to be alone. He always forgets what it means to be alone—funny considering Donghyuck’s always alone in his math courses, waiting for them to end so he can become DonghyuckandMark again. Donghyuck never questions it. Even when Chenle asks why he chooses to be with Mark, Donghyuck doesn’t know how to answer.
He’s afraid it’s the wrong response, and he’s especially afraid that one day Mark will overhear his answer and leave him stranded in the chaotic tides of community college, a stranded fish all alone in an isolated pond.
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When they’re 5 and 6, Donghyuck tags along to Mark’s first day of school on the big kid’s side of their elementary school. Luckily Donghyuck’s kindergarten ran on an afternoon-only schedule, so he’s able to hold Mark’s hand in the latter’s classroom until the lunch bell rings.
Mark prefers it this way, never latching onto his dad.
It’s always Donghyuck’s hand Mark grabs, even when he’s dating other people.
Mark refuses Jaemin’s hand when Donghyuck rejects their offer to join them at a Love Sick Girls concert.
“Come on, it’ll be fun,” Mark whines, but Donghyuck doesn’t give in.
“I have a calculus midterm I need to study for.” Donghyuck doesn’t lie, but it’s not the truth either.
Donghyuck just thinks that all of the boyfriends and girlfriends Mark has had throughout high school, Jaemin Na is the nicest one.
Only a couple of units away from his associate's degree and ready to transfer out of state as a mechanical engineering major in the upcoming fall semester. Jaemin isn’t a drinker either and is one of the few kids their age with a car that works and doesn’t eat up a lot of gas.
Jaemin is very good for Mark.
Much better than anyone in Devil’s Kettle will ever be, even if Mark didn’t consider him as good a fuck as Jaehyun or Jiwoo.
There’s no need for Donghyuck to continue holding Mark’s hand anymore.
Mark’s found someone good enough to love and make him happy.
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“Donghyuck?” Mark quietly calls out, gently knocking on Donghyuck’s window with his knuckles.
Still sleepy and tired from finishing all of his practice problems, Donghyuck trips on the hem of his pajama pants before opening the window.
Before Donghyuck is Mark covered in grime. The white blouse Mark had spent so many hours choosing with Donghyuck is now laced with the scent of rusted copper. Its collar is torn and Donghyuck can make out all of the hickies Jaemin left behind.
“What happened?” Donghyuck asks as he runs his fingers through Mark’s matted hair, not caring about the grime and flesh that were stuck in his best friend’s hair. “What happened at the party? Did Jaemin do something to you? I’ll—”
“No,” Mark cackles as he rests his face into the croak of Donghyuck’s neck.
“Jaemin didn’t do anything bad to me. He was very sweet and caring. But I did Hyuck. I did something bad. Bad. Very bad.” Mark lets out, laughing.
Mark may be defending the loneliness that hides within his heart, Donghyuck can still make out the choked sob within the darkness.
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Mark is an incubus of sorts. The heart-eating type that moms always tell you to stay away from when you’re growing up and just had your heart broken by your crush on your neighbor. Ironic considering Mark’s been called a demon so many times by so many girls and boys for breaking their hearts left and right since.
There was a strange blue fire at the concert and engulfed everyone on that side of Devil’s Kettle. Everyone but Mark.
Mark always finds a way back to Donghyuck, proudly wearing the matching BFF necklace Donghyuck bought them when they were 14 and 15.
Mark claims that he survives because he doesn’t fear death; the devil doesn’t take him because there are worst things to fear than death in Mark’s eyes.
He doesn’t delve into more detail, instead choosing to let Donghyuck wash out all of the dirty grime and blood stuck in his hair.
“Can you join me?” Mark quietly asks, already smelling like Donghyuck’s bath oils, honey, and lavender. Sweet and much like the Mark Donghyuck’s familiar with. “I don’t want to be alone.”
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Mark shoving his face into the raw piece of meat reminds Donghyuck of the first time they met in Devil’s Kettle’s only public park sitting in the middle of a sandbox.
He was 6 and Mark was 7. Donghyuck was carrying a bag of goldfish crackers in his small backpack, his mom saying he needed to always bring snacks with him.
Mark is pretty, even back then, with soft brown hair and bright eyes. A cute little cherub sitting on a big yellow plastic slide. There’s something about Donghyuck that makes Mark walk up to him and then he says, “If I kiss you, will you give me some of your goldfish crackers?”
It’s an interesting way of introducing yourself, Donghyuck thinks and pauses, looking down at the Ziplock bag in his hands, counting each little orange fish piling up on each other.
“My mom says that only people who together kiss so I can’t kiss you,” he truthfully answers. There’s no reason for him to lie. His mom always told him to answer questions with honesty and courtesy because that’s what good boys like Donghyuck always do. They carry their hearts on their sleeves for them to only be thrown away later when life makes them bleed out until nothing’s left.
“But I don’t see why I can’t share even if we don’t kiss.”
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Donghyuck should be repulsed.
Instead, Donghyuck decides that it’s okay to let Mark rip his heart out and carve through his slimy blue-tinted intestines to crawl inside and gently rest there.
Donghyuck concludes that Mark would always be safe sleeping inside his heart from the rest of the world that gives him dirty looks when he comes back home drunk and with blood on the hem of his cheerleading uniform.
There was always a lot of blood. It was never from the boys and girls Mark took back home after every football game.
Donghyuck knows that Mark isn’t happy at home. That’s why he’s always elsewhere is Devil’s Kettle. Anywhere but 143 Rainbow Lane.
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There was one boy Donghyuck liked.
Jaehyun Jung was his name. Everyone’s first love.
He’s the first boy Mark eats when Donghyuck affirms Mark is an incubus.
Mark has always had a habit of taking things away from Donghyuck ever since they were little kids. When Donghyuck was in kindergarten and Mark in first grade, Donghyuck used to bring his little teddy bear named Alfred with him everywhere.
Alfred was just a beat-up Care Bear Donghyuck’s dad got him one Christmas morning. Nothing new or anything special. Donghyuck’s dad was never around and he bought it as a last-minute gift from a thrift store from his third shift driving trailer trucks around the US and even now, Donghyuck hasn’t seen much of him since.
Mark claimed that Alfred was cute despite the sewn-in rainbow coming off and took it from Donghyuck and promptly placed it in his hands, hugging it and giving it love. Donghyuck doesn't think much about the teddy bear—seeing that it made Mark happy and that’s all he wanted for his best friend.
“Why did you eat him?” Donghyuck asks, crying. He didn’t even like Jaehyun anymore, but it still hurt that Mark chose to have sex with him, Donghyuck’s first love. Out of all of the boys Mark could have had, he had to take the only boy Donghyuck had ever wanted.
“Because I don’t like sharing what’s mine,” Mark laughs. He pulls Donghyuck by his shirt and kisses him.
“If I could, I would give you the whole world Donghyuck Lee. But I know you deserve better than me, you’ve always deserved better than me.”
Mark jumps out of Donghyuck’s window and leaves, taking Donghyuck’s heart with him like he always has from the moment they met.
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Donghyuck remembers Mark telling him they should pretend to be boyfriends again before Mark had died.
“Aren’t you dating Jaemin?” Donghyuck laughs. “I don’t think he would agree to you having another boyfriend as Chenle does with Jeno.”
Mark frowns, playing with the BFF necklace that’s around Donghyuck’s neck. “I know. But I don’t like him as much as I like you.”
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It never takes long for Mark and Donghyuck to make up after a fight.
This time, Mark is the one who apologizes first. It’s usually Donghyuck who apologizes first, never wanting to be the reason why
Surprisingly, Mark’s not hungry today.
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There’s blood coating Mark’s nails today and Donghyuck is the one rubbing away the old black nail polish with remover.
Mark tells him that he tried having sex with Renjun today after the bleachers after the football game.
They didn’t go very far, Mark claims. As soon as Renjun tried to move onto Mark’s lap and ride him, Mark took a bite out of his neck, puncturing it in half and painting the surrounding area with blood. Renjun’s not the first boy that goes missing. He’s the third one after Jaehyun. Or maybe the fourth? Donghyuck’s lost track since only caring about whether Mark comes back home to him.
What Donghyuck finds strange is that Mark’s eyes don’t shine after eating Renjun.
Even before he died and been reborn an incubus, his eyes had always reflected the stars, even if those shining golden stars could never be found in somewhere as cold and dark as Devil’s Kettle.
“Did you like him?” Donghyuck asks, but he already knows the answer to this question.
It’s always no.
Mark never says he likes any of the boys he’s eaten, his exes included.
It’s always just a passing thing.
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Sometime in late winter, Mark eats his dad too. A couple of other boys above Donghyuck’s year sometime after.
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Mark seems happier now.
So Donghyuck is happier too.
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Donghyuck remembers the time he went to one of Mark’s pep rallies. One of the few attempts at their community college to replicate the “college experience” for all of them. Donghyuck thinks it’s just another excuse for everyone to get wasted and forget that they’re stuck in Devil’s Kettle, but Mark wanted him to come.
“Wear something cute,” Mark smiles squeezing Donghyuck’s hand. “I want to tell you something after.”
Donghyuck waits for Mark inside of the auditorium to perform. He’s sitting next to Jeno, who was only there to support his boyfriends hosting the rally.
“You really love him don’t you?” Jeno notes, looking through his phone bored.
“Of course, sandbox love doesn’t die,” Donghyuck replies, waving at Mark who had just appeared with the rest of the cheerleading team who waves back at him with the biggest smile on his face, eyes replaying the first time Mark met Donghyuck.
In the darkness that engulfed the auditorium, Donghyuck remembers 7-year-old Mark. Scrappy arms and hands that never found a way to let go of Donghyuck.
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Donghyuck never finds out what Mark wanted to tell him that day. It was the same day Jaemin asked Mark out right before the pep rally ended with a giant poster in his hands, the crowd cheering him on.
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It takes seeing Mark kiss another girl to make Donghyuck realize what he’s always felt for his best friend of so many years now.
Donghyuck tries not to think about it.
Of course, his heart insists, but its beating seems futile in every sense of the word. He can think of a time where Mark might like him too, but all Donghyuck thinks is about are the times that Mark chooses to date other people because they asked him before he ever had a chance to realize what he felt.
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Another boy dies.
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So does Donghyuck when he sees Mark with another boy.
But sandbox love never dies, does it?
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“Do you think you’d ever consider having sex with me?” Donghyuck asks one day as they’re laying down on the floor of his childhood bedroom. The stars he and Mark hung up so many years before were starting to fall off onto the dirty carpet floor, getting lost.
Mark turns to face Donghyuck.
His eyes are tired, cheeks sullen, nothing like the cheerful boy Donghyuck met in the sandbox all those years ago. He hadn’t eaten for days. And the football game he invited Donghyuck to?
A buffet Mark rejected so he could hold Donghyuck’s hand the entire time.
Mark doesn’t give Donghyuck an answer and instead gently kisses him in the mouth.
Mark tastes like the first time they kissed when they were 13 and 14.
They kissed a couple of times during sleepovers, but the time Donghyuck remembers the most is the first time. Mark had asked if Donghyuck ever kissed anyone when they were 13 and 14.
Donghyuck shyly said no, claiming that he never thought about it before, and Mark offered to give away his first kiss so they could practice together.
It’s not a very good kiss, braces knocking against each other and they lose their breath before they can go any further. Mark takes the lead again, and the second kiss is slightly better than the first one.
But what makes the first kiss much better than all the rest is Mark’s smile after. Tender and bright laughter escaping.
Mark tastes sweet. Sweet like the cotton candy he always bought Donghyuck whenever the annual carnival came to town. He tells Donghyuck he bought his lip balm the same flavor because it’s what he liked too.
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Donghyuck wakes up, Mark next to him arms around his waist.
He thinks that he’s loved back.
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In their next life, Donghyuck hopes they met again carving out DonghyuckandMark in the sandbox like they’ve always had.