Chapter Text
Karl had been having more fun with Sapnap in the past week than he’d ever had with anyone before. They really clicked together. Karl’s outgoing sporadic personality was perfectly countered by Sapnap’s more relaxed one.
And Sapnap had been having the most fun streaming he’s had in a long time, streaming with Karl felt less exhausting and more like fun .
And yeah, Karl knew he wasn’t here for him, that he was there for work. But it was still a blast to be with him, it was amazing to finally meet him. To see him in 3D was crazy, he looked unreal. For the first couple of hours they were together for the first time, Sapnap felt like there was something on his face because of how Karl had stared at him.
But right, Sapap was here to work. And he did, they went to film the Mr. Beast video that day. Being around Sapnap, looking at him, talking to him face to face, touching him. It was still crazy to Karl. Sapnap had made him laugh so hard his chest hurt.
“Ready to go?”
Sapnap looked at Karl, they had finished filming and had been hanging out with Mr. Beast and his crew for the last couple of hours; it was getting late.
The site they were filming at was pretty far away from Karl’s house. From Karl’s house it was a car ride to the subway, a ride on the subway, and then an uber to where Mr. Beast was filming.
It was dark outside when they walked out and Karl linked his arm with Sapnaps. They walked together casually, Karl kicked some pebbles on the concrete at their feet, the silence was quiet yet comfortable.
Memories of the past week replayed in Sapnap’s mind, Karls hands on his shoulders, on his own hands, fingers tangling in his hair. The way Karl had giggled his name. He knew how he felt about Karl was far from platonic. He knew how he wanted him. He knew that it was less than convenient the way that he adored him. Sapnap just didn’t expect to be falling this hard. He honestly didn’t know what he was expecting. He thought he could just waltz into Karl’s house and not melt? Impossible.
The two had kissed a few times, Sapnap didn’t exactly know where they stood though. They hadn’t talked about it. Maybe Karl was caught up in the vibes, maybe Sapnap was reading too much into it. He hoped he wasn’t. But he wasn’t even sure how a relationship would work, would they do long distance? Would one of them move? It was a mess inside Sapnap’s brain. And with the Mr. Beats gaming video filmed, he knew he would have to go home soon. He knew he was living on borrowed time with Karl, but he wasn't ready to leave yet.
Sapnap wasn’t ready to miss him yet.
So he pushed his feelings down. He pushed them down past the knot in his throat, pushed them down into his stomach, hopefully the butterflies in his stomach would eat his worries whole. He leaned into Karl who was staggering next to him.
“I’m so tired, when's the uber getting here.” Karl said in an exaggerated, whiny tone. Sapnap simply shook his head.
“I can literally see the car from here.” Sapnap chuckled at him and pointed vaguely in the direction of the Nissan at the end of the road.
They climbed into the backseat together, Karl giggled when he pushed Sapnap, and Sapnap jokingly punched him in the shoulder in retaliation.
Music played softly in the background and they sat in comfortable silence. Sapnap couldn’t help but steal another glance at Karl, he was looking out the window. It was pretty dark, the only thing illuminating his face was the orange glow of the street lights outside. It was sort of beautiful. The way his chin was angled up slightly, and his hair framed his face. Sapnap knew he must be gawking.
But he couldn’t help it, Karl was just too pretty not to be admired. He couldn’t help it when he reached his hand to hesitantly rest on top of Karls.
He felt regret wash over him when Karl flinched at the contact of their hands. He pulled his hand away.
“Sorry.” Sapnap muttered apologetically, and a little embarrassed as he looked away from Karl’s gaze.
“Wait, no, no-” Karl sputtered out, grabbing Sapnap’s retreated hand,
“Just surprised me is all.” he smiled weakly. Sapnap’s face flushed slightly at this, his chest filled with a mix of relief and contentment. The butterflies in his stomach came to life and he couldn't stop the smile on his lips as they held hands on the middle seat.
Karl looked out the window, trying not to squirm. They were only 10 minutes into the car ride and he already had to pee. He used the bathroom before they left the site they were shooting at, but Karl always had a bladder the size of a fucking walnut.
When Sapnap touched his hand he instinctively flinched. He honestly did not mean to, he felt bad in the way he saw Sapnap’s face fall. He quickly fixed it though, and he forgot about his need momentarily with the feeling of Sapnap’s hand within his own. It was a nice feeling.
But it couldn’t distract him forever.
It was barley ten minutes later when he couldn’t stop himself from squirming in his seat. Karl tried to be as subtle as he possibly could, changing his position every so often and softly bouncing his leg. He hoped to any higher power there was out there that Sapnap didn’t notice, he didn’t want him to see him squirm like a little kid; it was embarrassing .
“You okay, Karl?”
Fuck .
“Y-Yeah. ‘M fine.” he tried not to stammer, tried to make his voice sound as together as he could. He couldn’t meet the light brown haired man's eyes, he felt his gaze on him and despite the cool March air that surrounded them, Karl felt like the car could’ve been a million degrees.
His need only grew worse as the minutes passed, he tried not to show it. Trying to play it cool, Karl was hyper aware of every movement he made. It was when the driver hit a speedbump that made it a dead give away.
Karl fucking whimpered .
He pressed his thighs together and gripped his knees. And god, it was mortifying. Karl felt like he could throw himself out of the car right then and there. He couldn’t think of anything more embarrassing than being desperate to pee in front of Sapnap. And it was silly really because he’s sure Sapnap couldn’t care less if he had to piss; it was a bodily function. He just found it to be so embarrassing because he liked Sapnap, a lot actually. Karl wanted him to think he’s cool, and he probably looked far from it, he probably looked pathetic and weird; squirming around trying not to wet himself like a child.
“Karl…?” Sapnap’s voice was concerned more than anything. It made Karl want to curl up into a ball and never be seen again. Karl shook his head, god his face was burning with the humiliation.
And fuck , when Sapnap put his hand on his shoulder .
He couldn’t stop the whines that escaped his mouth. Yep this is where he died. Say his goodbyes and lay every shred of dignity he had to rest.
“Sorry, I, uh, I- really it’s nothing. I have to, uh, pee. Like, badly .” he stammers out awkwardly. God, he really could just throw himself out of the car right now and the road rash he would get would be worth it.
“Oh.” was all Sapnap said in response. And Karl was convinced this was it, Sapnap no longer wanted him, he blew his only chance with the single most great guy he’d ever met. God, he was so fucking stupid, of course Sapnap didn’t want him. Why would a funny, smart, attractive guy like Sapnap want Karl? He was a goddamn dork who would lose a piss holding contest to a four year old.
He covered his face with his hands in shame.
“Well we’re almost there anyways, you can just go when we get there before we get on the subway. Sure you’ll be fine. Only like 8 more minutes.” he sounded unbothered, and actually sort of comforting to Karl. that paired with the way he had been rubbing calming circles into Karl’s back, he actually felt better.
He actually felt a lot more than just better. And that thought, that made his stomach drop. He felt the all familiar twist of arousal pool low in his abdomen, he realized that he might get hard. It made his ears start to burn with unadulterated mortification. An entirely new element of pathetic embarrassment was added into this terrible situation.
Yep. Karl was about to throw himself into oncoming traffic.
He chalked it up to the energy of the situation. Sapnap was touching him, his whole body felt sensitive with the way he was holding it. And yeah, maybe Karl had a bit of a thing for being embarrassed, but who could blame him. He couldn’t deny how hot the situation really was. Sapnap cooing into his ear about how good he’s doing, how it’s only a little while longer .
When the subway station came into view, Sapnap perked up. He tapped his hand on Karl’s shoulder where his arm was holding him.
Karl heard Sapnap murmur we’re here , and waved off the driver. Karl exited the car on shaky legs. He could make it easily, sure he was getting pretty desperate but he could walk fine on his own which was a good sign.
Karl was grateful for the late hour, it was less crowded, and hopefully that would make the bathrooms easier to find. Sapnap was trailing behind him a bit, holding onto their shared backpack, and looking around for when their ride was going to be there.
Finally, finally , Karl spotted a bright red arrow shaped sign that read “Bathrooms”. He darted in the direction of the sign, only turning around for a moment to catch Sapnap’s eye.
“Nick, I’m gonna-” he points in the direction of the sign, Sapnap simply gives a thumbs up and goes back to looking at the glowing board above him. It showed all the subways trains, their schedules, and where they went. Karl didn’t waste another second before going towards the bathrooms.
He felt sick the second he reached the linoleum doors.
OUT OF ORDER
In big, bold, stupid fucking lettering; they mocked him.
He rushed over to the mostly dead ticket table, where a couple of the subway’s employees were standing around.
“E-Excuse me, are there any working b-bathrooms here?” he tried not to stutter, or sound too frantic, but he was panicking at this point. He couldn’t wait the whole train ride, he wouldn’t make it.
The woman he had approached gave a sympathetic smile,
“I’m sorry sir, but unfortunately all our plumbing is out. There’s a corner store about a block away from here, it’s what we’ve been using.” she referenced her coworkers, who all seemed annoyed at the inconvenience.
Karl had muttered a thanks , and walked away to find Sapnap.
He found him right where he had left him. Staring up at an illuminated wall of dates and times.
“Better?” Sapnap inquired, and Karl cringed.
“No..” he said meekly, “All their bathrooms are out of order, can you wait here? Apparently the closest one is a corner store down the block that has a bathroom I can use.” he explained, he watched Sapnap’s face fall at his words.
“Karl, you can’t. The last train leaves in 6 minutes, there won’t be another one. And unless we wanna pay for a $300 uber all the way back, we, uh, we have to get on it. Like now .” Sapnap’s voice was apologetic, yet firm.
“Can you hold it?” he asked.
Embarrassment and panic flooded Karl’s whole being. There really wasn’t any time. If it wasn’t for the out of order bathrooms, he would’ve had time. He missed his only chance. And he wasn’t about to waste hundreds of dollars on an uber because he was a child who couldn’t hold his piss.
He was a grown ass man, he could hold it.
Karl stood there stunned for a moment, only taken out of his racing thoughts when he saw Sapnap look down at his wrist watch.
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll u-uh, I’ll be fine. I’m fine.” he reassured Sapnap, but he wasn’t sure what he was saying was actually true. He didn’t want Sapnap to think he was too desperate. It was embarrassing enough as it is, he could hold it.
When they boarded the subway Karl’s bladder stung painfully around the edges, he had to go so badly. Thankfully, the train car they were in was mostly empty. They took two seats far away from anyone else.
So here Karl was again. Sitting in a confined, moving vehicle, trying as hard as he possibly could not to have an accident as a grown man. It was fucking humiliating. Being desperate in public like this was awful on its own, but being desperate to pee and squirming like a child in front of a guy he’s had a crush on for months? Right when they had actually been kind of getting somewhere romantically? Fucking mortifying. And just Karl’s luck.
Arguably the worst part was that Karl was kind of getting off to this, as disgusting as it sounds. But the vibe of it was overwhelming. He could feel everything, Sapnap’s hands on him, the chair against his legs, the way every little scrap of clothing felt against his skin. God, he could smell Sapnap next to him. So maybe he was a little turned on oddly enough, but it’s just a cherry on top of the situation; as if it couldn't get anymore degrading.
Hot shame bubbled up Karl’s chest, to his face, it pooled in his ears. He could barely look at Sapnap but Karl could feel him staring. Karl was bouncing his leg and he had his knees pressed together tightly. He was doing everything he could to distract from the pain and hold it.
“You should um, you should hold yourself. It might uh, help.” Sapnap piped up, and Karl snapped his head to look at him.
“Nick- what . I’m not a child, I’m not doing that oh my god.” Karl sputtered in embarrassment, he couldn’t believe how casual Sapnap was being. Was Karl really being that obvious? Oh god.
He refused to hold himself , down right refused. That was ridiculous, he wasn’t an actual child. It was humiliating enough that Sapnap was watching him squirm in his seat like this. It made his face burn hotter.
“I’m fine.” Karl squeaked, his voice was shaky and he knew it left little of the details of his desperation to the imagination.
“Only a little longer Karl, you’re doing so good.” Karl tensed violently at the way Sapnap’s praise made his dick stir with interest. No, no, no, no. god, no .
“Nick, shut up- ohmygod .” Karl buried his face in his hands. He hated that he wanted to hear Sapnap say it again.
“Sorry, sorry. C’mere.” Sapnap tugged Karl’s shoulders close to him, and Karl let himself be moved. Being in Sapnap’s arms felt nice, it distracted him from the pain some.
It was hard to tell if it helped or worsened his need when Sapnap started leaving gentle kisses to the top and side of his hair. Karl whined, he had to go so badly, he was starting to lose out on any attempt to keep his dignity. Sapnap only shushed him and rubbed his shoulders.
Karl reached down to hold himself through his jeans, dignity or ego or age be damned. It felt a lot better actually, Sapnap was right. He whimpered at the feeling involuntarily, he no longer had the energy to be embarrassed. He had his face in the crook of Sapnap’s neck to hide his burning hot shame.
Sapnap couldn’t believe what was happening. Obviously he felt bad, he felt absolutely terrible for Karl. But fuck was it hot. The way he squirmed, and bounced his leg. And god, the noises he made. Sapnap thought he might pass out with how fast the blood rushed south in his body. He felt guilty about how much he enjoyed watching Karl struggle.
“Hurts s-so fucking bad..” Karl whimpered into Sapnap’s neck. And he didn’t say anything, just rubbed his shoulder soothingly, trying to distract him.
“I know, we’re almost there.” he shushed him. He was at least trying to be helpful, comforting. He pushed his arousal far away, Karl needed him right now. Also it would be hard to explain why seeing Karl about to piss himself gave him a fucking boner. Yeah... Sapnap didn’t want to even attempt to explain that one. So he willed away any simpleton horniness and rubbed Karl’s shoulders blades and arm.
He could see that Karl had given in at some to hold himself, which surprised him. He seemed pretty adamant that he wouldn’t do that, did he really have to go that bad? Fuck .
What if Karl really wets himself? Sapnap didn’t let his brain linger on the image of Karl actually pissing himself. All those noises, god just the sight of how hot he would look.
Sapnap was thankful for the lack of people. Even if this turned him on, it definitely was not the same for Karl. he didn’t want the older boy to be subjected to more embarrassment than he already was. He was enjoying this but he did genuinely feel bad for Karl, he would do anything to make his friend feel better.
Karl’s whole body was trembling with the effort not to wet himself, he was bouncing his leg and holding his crotch tightly. He must look absolutely pitiful. And not only was it embarrassing, it was really fucking painful. Karl had needed to pee really bad before, but this was otherworldly painful. It stung and pinched his muscles, it made him lightheaded.
He was starting to think maybe he was not going to make it, he was losing more and more of the little control he had by the minutes. He could feel that he really wasn’t going to last much longer, no matter what embarrassing measure he took.
But thankfully he felt the train roll to a stop, he could honestly cry. Relief was practically right in front of him, only a few yards away. It made his bladder ache even worse, and made him let out another mortifying whine.
Karl let Sapnap coax him into standing up, he felt shaky and gravity was definitely not on his side as this bladder sloshed around. He grabbed at himself through his jeans harashly, too far gone to care much for any eyes that could possibly see him. Sapnap pulled him along until they reached the platform that surrounded the subway train.
The desperation hit Karl in a wave, he doubled over where he stood. Pain seized up his torso, in stinging surges his bladder betrayed him. He could feel the front of his boxers dampen with a spurt of piss that escaped involuntarily.
He gasped loudly and his hands flew to his crotch. He gained back control quickly, but he knew it wasn’t going to last.
“Fuck- I-I’m not. I can’t.” his eyes filled with tears.
He couldn’t tell if it was from the pain or the intense humiliation. He was going to wet himself. Not only was he going to piss his jeans in front of the guy he liked, he was crying in front of him. Karl wanted to throw himself onto the tracks that stood a few feet behind him.
“Karl, here. Just come on, there’s bathrooms right over there.” Sapnap’s voice was encouraging, wrapping his own arm around Karls shoulder. Karl willed his trembling legs to move, a million thoughts ran through his head. Sapnap probably thought he was fucking disgusting, and pathetic. He probably thought Karl was weird and annoying, he was being so childish right now.
Dread pitted in his stomach when he felt himself leak again, he stopped immediately and tried desperately to stop it, to hold it as best he could.
The leak was much longer than the previous one, tears were starting to stream down Karls face.
“N-Nick, I’m not gonna- I can’t. I’m not gonna make it.” he chokes out, and it’s fucking awful. It’s pathetic to have to admit to anyone that you can’t hold it, that you’re going to have an accident like a child. Let alone admitting it to the person you want to potentially pursue a relationship with. Oh god.
“C’mon Karl, it’s okay. You only need to hold it for a little longer. Look.” He looks to where Sapnap points, they can see the bathroom sign about thirty yards away from them. And there’s people going in and out of it every so often so karl knows it’s in order.
Relief is so close yet so far.
“Mhm.” Karl nods, he tries to take a step forward but it was too late. Piss streamed down his legs, he tried to stop it. Shoving a hand between his legs, but it was too much, he had been holding it too long. He looked up at the bathroom sign, just in sight, as he wet himself.
“I c-can’t stop, oh god. fuck .”
He let out pitiful mewls as a small puddled collected underneath him. His sneakers squeaked against the now wet floor. It was an amazing feeling nonetheless, his aching muscles finally found relief. But the pleasure of letting go nowhere near drowned out the scorching mortification that was pissing himself in public.
There was barely anyone around in the deserted subway station, but Sapnap’s obvious gaze felt like a million people. He felt Sapnap’s hand rubbing his back, he just cried harder at that. He had never been so embarrassed in his life. Karl’s hands found his burning red face, he covered every inch of his shame.
“Fuck, jesus. I-I’m so sorry, Nick, I tried. I’m so sorry you probably think. Oh god .” Karl couldn’t stop the word vomit that left his mouth. It was awful.
“Hey, it’s okay, you didn’t mean to. It happens to the best of us, you don’t have to apologise. I’m not mad.” Sapnap’s affirmations made the pit in his stomach relax, but only slightly. He felt better, his muscles were worn out, but at least he wasn’t in pain any longer.
“You did so good Karl, you held it so long. Don’t even worry about it.” He praised, and Karl’s ears started to heat up with the way it made him feel. “How about we just get out of here?”
Karl could only nod. His words mixed with the humiliation made arousal pool in his abdomen. He tried to will it away, but he couldn't help the erection that formed in his pants. Like tonight couldn’t get anymore embarrassing.
Sapnap was sure he was going to pass out. He felt his head utterly swim as he watched Karl lose control completely. And what a sight it was, he was shaking and whimpering as piss soaked his lower half. It was like something straight out of his own personal fucking fantasy.
But of course he didn’t show that, he was a decent goddamn person. So he rubbed Karl’s back and reassured him it was fine, that he was okay. He really did feel bad for him, they were in public.
They reached Karl’s car in the parking lot, and Karl stopped in front of him.
“I can’t believe I did that, you must- you have got to think-” he heard him stammer, his voice made his previous crying to be undeniably evident.
“Hey, hey, hey. Karl slow down .” Karl paused his rambling for a moment after Sapnap started talking. “I don’t think any less of you. It wasn’t your fault the bathrooms were out of order, there was nothing you could’ve done. You lasted longer than any given person would have. It’s okay.” Sapnap pulled the shuddering boy into a hug. And despite Sapnap being about three inches shorter than him, Karl looked impossibly small.
But then he felt something, something on his leg. Was karl… was Karl hard?
“Karl-”
“Can, can you just kiss me? I know we haven’t talked about it and it’s weird, and- this . is weird. But I really need you right now, I can’t- this is. I don’t know I just... I need you to kiss me.”
When their lips met, it was needy. It was needy on Karl’s part, Sapnap tried to keep him steady. Physically he held him with his hands, and he kissed him with a movement that said I'm not going anywhere .
He felt Karl relax and it was better, their mouths slotted together and it was uncoordinated. It was raw and unplanned, and absolutely perfect. Karl put a hand to his chest and it slid up to his jaw. Sapnap couldn’t stop kissing him, it was like a flame that had only been flickering was doused in gasoline. And Karl held the bottle.
And when their lungs cried for air, they finally, reluctantly, broke apart.
“Need me huh?” Sapnap panted, cocky, even in this moment.
“Need you.” Karl repeated.