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“Reinhard,” Subaru starts importantly, “I’ve realized that you seem to care about me, and so I’ve decided to say something to you. I’ve deliberated back and forth, but I think you need to hear this.”
Reinhard breath catches in his throat. They’re surrounded by candlelight. The fire casts flickering shadows on Subaru’s face. There’s an excited, anticipatory gleam in his eyes. His mouth keeps twitching into a smile. Is this a confession? “Tell me,” he breathes, giddy with joy.
“Reinhard,” Subaru says lowly, staring deeply into Reinhard’s eyes. “I’m a time-traveling mass-murderer from another dimension who’s come here specifically to take your life.”
“Marry me,” demands Reinhard.
Subaru processes Reinhard's sentence. "What?"
Reinhard processes Subaru's sentence. He considers the facts. He synthesizes his knowledge. He decides on the appropriate response. He says, "So we should go for a winter wedding, then?"
.
They did, in fact, go for a winter wedding. It was decided to be on the 20th of January.
But it was currently September. And Reinhard was outside, in the sun. It was very hot, for Autumn.
“Subaru.... What are you doing?” Reinhard smiles. He had hopelessly fallen head over heels for this black haired psychopath. But he didn't care what the others thought.
Subaru, or Natsumi Schwarz currently, was in high heels, a white sundress and was holding a bloodied rock in his hands.
Oh, he also had several wet blood stains on the dress, and was straddling someone's dead corpse.
“She said my eyeliner was bad.”
“How dare she, the bi-”
Reinhard swore for the first time in his life.
..
Reinhard didn't really understand where Subaru's murderous habits came from, and although he'd love to know, he didn't know how to ask.
He would also love to know why he came home covered in blood, and then spend hours in his room with the door locked while crying quietly.
Once Reinhard had used his Divine Protection of Empathy to attempt to understand what was happening on the other side of the door, when all he was met with was pain. An incomprehensible amount too.
He had closed his eyes, and wished to Od Laguna.
Take this my beloved Sword Saint, you are truly loved by the world.
Ah, he has it now. The Divine Protection of Keyhole Peeping.
Subaru was naked, nearly, in his underwear. He was also patching up several wounds.
Reinhard however, couldn't take his eyes off Subaru's almost naked body.
Reinhard blushed for the first time in his life.
…
Julius and Felix did come back again. Felix was unhappy at being severely poisoned by mayonnaise and Julius was unhappy at Subaru 'manipulating' Reinhard.
They showed up, knocked on the door and then proceeded to kick the door down.
Reinhard was only two steps away from opening it.
Subaru was in the living room at the time, and he walked out into the hall to see the commotion. “Yo, what the f-”
“Reinhard, you are being emotionally manipulated by this witch cultist.” Felix began.
“My husband is not a witch cultist!” Reinhard yelled.
“Hey I'm not your husband yet!” Subaru retorted.
“That's what part you disagree with?!” Julius raised his voice.
“If you have only come here to insult Subaru then I demand that you leave.” Reinhard furrowed his brow.
“But he-”
“I don't care what you think of him, he makes damn good mayonnaise!” Reinhard cut Felix off.
“You damn bet I do!” Subaru grinned with a thumbs up.
“Look at him! Look at him and tell me he's not a bad guy!” Julius argued.
The redhead turned to look. Subaru was in fact covered in blood, his shirt was torn, and the mayonnaise he made earlier had obviously spilt over his trousers and left a stain.
But The Sword Saint didn't see that. Instead he saw the most beautiful person he's ever seen in his life. He saw elegance, he saw strength, and he saw Pride. Subaru was amazing, the light of his life. And Reinhard felt pride in loving him. He felt pride in marrying him, in defending him.
Subaru was smiling, he looked crazy, like a psychopathic murderer. But he was smiling nonetheless.
Reinhard wanted to protect that smile. He felt pride in protecting that smile.
“Julius, Felix, I demand that the both of you leave. You break down my door, and slander my husband's n-”
“I'M NOT YOUR HUSBAND YE-”
“You break down my door. And slander my fiancee's name. This is unforgivible and extremely rude.” Reinhard spat, his voice laced with venom.
Reinhard was angry for the first time in his life.
….
It was definitely cold outside, last time Reinhard checked the current date is somewhere in December.
It was snowing too, and Subaru had been missing all day.
Reinhard bit his lip anxiously. Although Subaru often disappeared for days at a time, only to come home bloodied and wounded. Reinhard was worried due to Julius and Felix's intervention not too long ago.
Now that he thinks about it, Subaru's disappearences always coincided with certain massive events.
The battle against the White Whale, Subaru was gone.
The execution of the Sin Arcbishop of Sloth, Greed, Gluttony and Lust, Subaru was gone.
The hunt for the Great Hare, Subaru was gone.
Could it be?
Reinhard shook his head.
But it would make a lot of sense.
No but that'd be ridiculo-
Would it though?
Reinhard had genuinely no idea for the first time in his life.
…..
Subaru did come back, and he hid in his room for a few hours, like usual.
Reinhard decided this was it, and he should find out what is happening. He made mayonnaise, got a spoon and entered the room Subaru was hiding in.
The sound of a jar smashing and hitting the floor filler the air.
Subaru was, this time, completely naked. A deep cut travelled from his right abdomen up to his left shoulder. Accompanied with several other scratches and cuts along the rest of his body.
Reinhard's mouth was agape, not at the wounds, but at the nakedness of his husband before him.
“The mayonnaise!” Subaru yelled.
Reinhard was flustered for the first time in his life.
…...
“Do you promise to stand side by side, and always be together.”
“I do.”
“Do you promise to always be there for eachother, and to never lay with another.”
“I'm the Sin Arcbishop of Pride.”
A tired sigh was heard.
“You may now kiss the groom.”
…....
Their honeymoon, which was two months later, consisted simply of a 6 room villa in a rather warm climate next to quite a big lake.
Not that it mattered, Subaru dabbled quite a bit too much in arsony.
“Honey, please, why are you killing the neighbours?” Reinhard asked.
“She took the last of the waffles at the buffet this morning.” Subaru replied, calmly, while bashing the neighbour's face in with a brick.
“That is unexcusable behaviour, burn the bi-”
Reinhard burnt a body for the first time in his life.
….....
Subaru had returned from a long trip. He had just executed the remaining two Sin Archbishops of Gluttony, along with the Sin Arcbishop of Wrath. He also killed the Black Serpent, and destroyed the remnants of the Witch Cult.
Why was he doing this? He's not too sure to be honest. At first it was to crown Emilia as the Queen. But now that he's married to Reinhard, he's not too sure.
He entered the hallway, covered in wounds, limping. He's surprised he's still conscious.
Well, he was conscious for the next seven seconds at least.
When he woke up however, he felt warm. Fluttering his eyes open, he noticed a familiar red head staring down at him. Two strong arms were wrapped around him.
He noticed he was sitting on top of Reinhard's lap on the sofa. His wounds were treated and healed, and he had a blanket wrapped around him.
Subaru smiled, genuinely happy.
Subaru felt, happy, safe, warm.
Subaru felt content with his life.
Subaru was thankful for Reinhard.
Subaru loved Reinhard, for the first time in his life.