Chapter Text
Renjun didn’t know why he did it.
Maybe it was because he had already been on edge for months due to it being his final year in college and his thesis was nowhere near ready. Or maybe it was his editor from the online magazine he was freelancing for who kept rejecting his latest works so he had to revise every night. It might even be because of his roommate slash best friend, Mark, who he loved with his body and soul but was always producing music for his band which kept Renjun up on the rare nights where he actually did get to sleep in.
Renjun was, of course, kidding himself because he knew exactly why he did it. In the Huang household, the annual family reunion was more like a game of thrones among relatives rather than a housewarming dinner. Him and his cousins were always pinned against each other by their ridiculously competitive parents.
And recently, the one who had it the hardest was Renjun himself who, on his family’s standards, had achieved absolutely nothing thus far. Ranking second place in his previous high school might have been his last win for his parents. Needless to say, The youngest Huang cousin needed a win.
It just so happened that during their big Zoom family session, it was brought up that all of his older cousins were in a relationship and encouraged (more likely forced) to bring along their partners. There was a bigger uproar when Xuxi had announced that he was actually engaged to his boyfriend.
Before Renjun could hide away and turn off his camera as well as mic, his parents had jumped in and asked him eagerly if he had any news he wanted to share to the family. He, naturally, did not.
His grades were okay. He still had not gotten approval for his thesis topic. He didn’t join any clubs or organizations nor did he play a sport so he couldn’t brag about those either.
Cold sweat started forming in the back of his neck when all eyes on his computer screen seemed to wait for his answer.
Just then, a topless lean figure walked into frame behind him to reach for something inside their fridge. Renjun already felt someone kiss the top of his brown hair with a loud smack before he could turn around.
“Thanks for stocking up milk again, honey.”
Renjun waved the other off with a roll of his eyes and was still not aware of his entire family’s meltdown over the exchange.
“Junnie,” Guanheng finally piped up while the rest of their relatives were still staring shell-shocked. “Who was that?”
It was Jeno he almost said.
Jeno who loved milk. Jeno who never wears a shirt around their apartment because it was hot and he was the only one who ever worked out. Jeno who dyed his shaggy hair blonde on an impulse just a few days ago. Jeno who he only met through Mark because he was also a Music major. Jeno who crashed over their place so many times after being endlessly sexiled by his own roommate that he practically lived with them now. Jeno who called him and Mark ‘honey’ and vice versa as a little inside joke after a drunken night of watching Mamma Mia! and other musicals.
Jeno who was really only his friend.
This was what Renjun should have said. But instead, in a state of panic and self depreciation, Renjun said, “Jeno… my boyfriend.”
*
“Your boyfriend?”
Renjun groaned and face planted on their worn out couch. “I panicked!”
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” Mark piped up from the kitchen. He wasn’t cooking, it was just the only spot in the entire apartment with stable internet connection. “Donghyuck spilled some sauce there earlier and he barely cleaned all of it.”
Renjun quickly rose up away from the scent of ramen and butt. He looked up at Jeno with the best puppy eyes he could muster. “Please do this for me? It would only be for one night and we could forget all about it.”
He had his arm over his eyes and Renjun tried not to stare at his stomach for he was, as usual, shirtless. “Can’t Mark do it?”
“Are you kidding? Hyuck would fucking kill me.” Renjun ignored the affronted noise Mark made. “Plus they already kinda saw you so…”
Jeno peeked through his arm to give him an exasperated look. Renjun tried not to focus too much on the attractive arc of his eyebrow. “Why don’t you just tell them the truth?”
“No way.” Renjun shook his head and shivered at the thought of what that could cause. “This reunion thing is way too fucking serious. I would be banished by my own parents if I ever admitted to lying about this.”
“What a happy family.”
“Please, Jeno.” Renjun latched on to his arm, the bare skin unders his hands warm and soft and--Focus, Huang! “Think of it as a free meal! My uncle owns the restaurant so it would basically be an eat-all-you-can of one of the fanciest places around here.”
This made Mark’s head pop up from the kitchen archway with glowing eager eyes. “Is it too late to volunteer?”
Renjun hit his face with a throw pillow.
“I still don’t know…”
Renjun pressed his cheek against Jeno’s shoulder that it squished half of his face and he blinked up in what he hoped was adoringly. “Just this once, Nono… Please?”
Jeno slid down his arm away from his face and looked straight at him that their noses slightly brushed. “Okay.”
Renjun squealed and squished Jeno’s face with both his hands. “Thank you, thank you!”
Mark came trudging in with his laptop and plopped down on the carpet with a pout. “I want free food, too.”
Renjun kicked his back. “Stop bitchin’. I always bring back leftovers anyway.”
“How’s this gonna work by the way?” Asked Mark. Not really that invested with his friends’ predicament but interested enough if it meant procrastinating longer on his history paper. “Are you guys gonna have to y’know... kiss and stuff?”
Renjun scrunched his nose. “My entire family is as conservative and old fashioned as a nun so PDA won’t be a problem.”
“You must be the corrupted child, then.” Mark said while typing mindlessly. “The cursed Huang.”
Renjun almost pounced on him but Jeno caught him on time with arms wrapped around his waist. He didn’t let go when they leaned back over the couch. “You’re making it seem like all your relatives are just waiting for us with pitchforks.”
“They’re not all like that. My cousins are pretty chill and they’re just as tired of our annual Hunger Games. You’ll love them.”
Jeno bit his lip, hesitating, when he finally asked with his eyes downcast to their laps. “Do you think they’ll like me?”
The question caught Renjun off guard. He forgot just how much of a self conscious person Jeno was. Renjun always reminded the other how much he would suffer if he continued trying to please everyone.
He remembered during one of Mark’s gigs where they caught his then girlfriend making out with another guy and Jeno acted fine all night until they were back at their apartment in fear that it would ruin the mood.
Renjun remembered how the moonlight caught the crumpled face of his best friend in the dark living room. Jeno cried against Renjun’s stomach all night while he brushed his fingers over the boy’s hair. They fell asleep tangled on the couch that night.
“They’re going to love you. Maybe even more than me.” Renjun said because it was probably the truth. “Plus by this point they’d be happy with anyone.”
“What makes you say that?”
“He’s solo as fuck.” Mark piped in which earned him a rough kick to the arm.
Jeno tilted his head like a confused overgrown puppy. “What does he mean?”
Renjun glared at his roommate before answering disgruntledly. “I’ve never had a boyfriend or anything like that. Solo since birth.”
“But why?” Jeno asked and Renjun appreciated that it was void of any teasing or concern as most people have reacted when hearing so.
But the truth was Renjun didn’t really find the need to date. Besides the point that nobody ever seemed interested in him, he never minded that he would possibly be single forever. Relationships sounded like a lot of work and responsibility and with just how hectic everything was in his life, he just knew he wouldn’t have the energy for it. Dating was the last thing on his mind right now.
He just wanted to graduate, sell enough artworks then travel the world just like he always wanted. If he were to do it alone then he didn’t mind at all.
If I’m flying solo, at least I’m flying free.
His answer was cut off when Jeno’s phone pinged. While he read the message, Renjun watched the small smile forming on the boy’s face.
Was this really a good idea? Would his family really believe he was dating someone like Jeno? Was it fair to even force him to do this?
Before he could back out, Jeno was already standing up to grab his shirt. “Guess I’m not staying tonight. Jaemin’s date bailed on him so I get to head home today.”
Mark scoffed. “You look too happy about your best friend being stood up.”
“Your shampoo makes my hair too dry so I haven’t washed it for a week.”
Renjun winced. “Gross.”
“But don’t worry, honey. I’ll make sure to shower for our date.” Jeno leaned over to rub the top of his head against the side of Renjun’s face.
Renjun shoved the taller away with a whine. “Be gone, giant!”
“Tell Nana hey and that I want my Switch back.” Mark said and Jeno gave him a salute as a promise before he went out.
Renjun was ready to go back to mindlessly scrolling through his phone then eventually go to bed to continue doing the same thing for hours until he’s knocked out. He was reading through a conspiracy Twitter thread about mermaids when Mark broke the comfortable silence.
“Are you really going to be okay with this?”
Renjun raised a brow at his roommate. “What do you mean?”
Mark rubbed his reddening eyes behind his glasses and if it were not for the heavy bags under his eyes, Renjun would have instantly caught the sincere worry coming from him. “I mean… You and Jeno…”
Renjun swallowed the lump on his throat and hid his nerves by looking back at a vague picture of the ocean. “We’ll be fine.”
He could feel Mark staring intensely at the side of his face until the Music major sighed and went back to typing noisily. “Whatever you say, honey.”
*
Despite Jeno’s protests, he was known to be the most charming in their own little circle of friends. Most probably because of his easy going personality and kind eyes. Arguably, he was also the best when cleaning oneself up from struggling sleep-deprived college rascal to the perfect gentleman meeting your uptight traditional family.
“You did not just bring flowers.” Renjun mumbled over his big bundle of a scarf. Winter was always the worst for him and normally he would choose to be indoors rather than freezing outside on the sidewalk but figured he and Jeno needed a moment to prepare themselves for the upcoming storm inside the restaurant.
Out of excess nerves, Renjun forgot to bring the most important thing for this weather and that was a padded coat. It didn’t matter how fancy he looked in the new brown coat his mother bought him because he was freezing all the way to his double socked feet. While walking to the bus stop, Jeno had to hand him his own black padded jacket which he obviously drowned in from their size difference but it didn’t matter as long as his nails weren’t blue when they got there.
Jeno was handling the weather better than him with only a thick orange sweater and a button up inside. The flowers only completed his typical rom com heartthrob look.
Jeno rolled his eyes and lightly hit Renjun’s stomach with the bouquet of yellow tulips in his hand. “Chill. They’re not for you. They’re for your mother.”
“Oh. That’s actually… really sweet.”
Jeno shrugged. “Yerim always made sure I brought her mom flowers whenever we met her.”
Renjun ignored the sting in his chest and took the flowers delicately into his arms. “I forget how properly domesticated you can be. You were always like a caveman in our little dorm hole.”
“Well, you cavemen are really persuasive.” Jeno gave him his unfair eye smile that he knew no one could get mad at.
“Junnie!”
The two turned to see a tall young man with a handsome face hand in hand with a boy similarly attractive walking towards them.
Renjun let himself be swooped into a big bear hug that his feet were practically off the ground. He laughed at his cousin’s antics and was careful to not let the flowers squish between them. When he was brought back to the ground, his attacker’s smile was too contagious that he was grinning ear to ear himself.
He had to tiptoe to ruffle the burnett's hair. “My Xuxi! It’s been so long.”
“Way too long.” Xuxi caught his hand with both of his and pouted. “You said you’d visit us in Hong Kong.”
Renjun rolled his eyes but the smile on his face remained intact. “Your puppy eyes don’t work on me. I told you I would once I graduate.”
Out of all his relatives, including Renjun’s own parents, Xuxi was the most supportive of his craft. Despite being a year older, Xuxi would always trail behind him asking to draw this and that since they were kids. If it weren’t for the elder, Renjun probably would have never considered pursuing his course.
“Oh!” Xuxi’s eyes lit up like he just remembered the person shadowing behind him and pulled the stranger by the hand. “This is Sicheng, my fiance.”
Renjun shook hands with his cousin’s partner and tried not to gape at how pretty the boy’s smile was.
“It’s so nice to finally meet you. Xuxi has told me so much about you.” Sicheng said with bright eyes.
“And he’s done nothing but gush over you nonstop.” Renjun only laughed when Xuxi swiftly kicked his leg with red ears.
“Which is unfair because I know nothing about your boylaloo over here.” There was no time to save Jeno from Xuxi’s excessive skinship and lack of any sort of boundary as he pulled him with an arm around his neck. “Jeno, right?”
Jeno bowed his head in greeting and smiled with his eyes. “Nice to meet you.”
Xuxi blinked as if starstruck then turned to his younger cousin in awe. “Holy shit he’s beautiful. Where have you been hiding him all this time, Junnie?”
Renjun tugged on Jeno’s arm until he was free from Xuxi and back on his side. “I’d prefer it if you didn’t suffocate him before dinner.”
“I knew you’d be the possessive type.” Xuxi said with mirth in his eyes.
As if saved by the bell, the door to the restaurant swinged open and Renjun had felt no bigger relief when he saw it was Guanheng.
Their cousin with the biggest eyes and most teethy smile leaned over the glass door with the Huang name in big block red letters. “Finally! Are you guys coming in or am I going to have all Dad’s ramen for myself?”
Lucas gasped excitedly and took his fiance’s hand once again to drag him inside. “C’mon, love! Uncle’s ramen is the best!”
Sicheng bowed his head shortly to the rest before accepting Xuxi’s tugs. Huangeng then turned to Renjun and gave the pair a greasy wink. “Cute boyfie.”
Renjun rolled his eyes then pulled on Jeno’s wrist to follow his cousins inside. “You hungry?”
Jeno freed his hand enough so he could tangle their fingers together and Renjun almost jumped at how cold they were. “Starving.”
*
The Huangs were only excited about Renjun’s plus one for the first thirty minutes of their arrival when luckily Xuxi’s wedding plans were a bigger and more interesting topic. Once Guanheng and his boyfriend’s - a soft spoken boy named Dejun - pet beagle jumped over the buffet table, the new couple were almost completely forgotten.
For the most part of it, Renjun did absolutely all that he could to avoid talking to any of his family members which was a typical ordeal for these dinners except this time he had Jeno trailing after him everywhere.
What did surprise him was how his father paid more attention to Jeno more than his mother. While his father bombarded Jeno with endless questions, she sat silent beside him which was unusual for it was known that Renjun got his talkative side from her. He didn’t even think she looked at him for more than a second.
When Jeno gave her the flowers, she only bowed her head in thanks then went back to eating tight lipped. Jeno had then given him a worried look with which he only shrugged and slid over chopsticks to the taller. Renjun figured it was best if none of his relatives got too attached to Jeno anyway, since he was going to have to tell them they broke up a month from now.
Used to always being alone in the corner of the “children’s” table during these dinners, Renjun found himself surprised whenever Jeno reminded him of his presence. While filling up his third serving of dessert, he nearly dropped his plate when Jeno snickered behind his ear.
“Do you plan to eat all the cakes in this establishment?”
Renjun hummed. “Tarts, too. You want some?”
He reached out to hand Jeno a mini cupcake but the boy had other plans. Jeno curled his fingers around his thin wrist and brought the pastry to his lips. Renjun found his heart run at double speed when he watched Jeno’s lips lightly brush his fingertips and move away as quickly as he leaned forward.
“Your uncle’s no joke. This is amazing.” Jeno smiled innocently then looked around at everyone seated still devouring main dishes. “Your family should hurry up before you gobble up the entire table.”
“They don’t mind.” Renjun shrugged then continued when the taller gave him a curious glance, “None of them are much of a sweet tooth. Also the fact that being diabetic is hereditary.”
“But you eat sweets like it’s your main life source. I barely even got a bite of my own birthday cake because of you.”
“Guess I’ll die early.”
Jeno did this attractive thing where he was frowning in disagreement yet with a grin still intact. “I’ll make sure to bring cupcakes to your funeral then.”
“And cheesecake.”
“Blueberry?” Jeno lightly bumped their knees together.
Renjun bumped him back a little more harshly. “Obviously.”
“What are you guys talking about?” Guanheng came back with his platinum blonde hair all ruffled up probably by one of their aunts who still treated them like five-year-olds.
“My funeral,” said Renjun before he gobbled whole another tart.
Concern flashed in Guanheng’s face for a second then he simply shrugged and brought out his phone. “Guess you really did find your match, Junnie.”
Renjun told himself the heat he felt on his cheeks was because of the restaurant’s weak air conditioning and not because of the boy playing footsie with him under the table.
*
When they were just about to leave, Jeno had gone ahead obediently while Renjun was still being crushed at the entrance by Xuxi. When his tall cousin finally let him go after a few smacks from Guanheng, he turned to his parents.
This was when his father would typically pat his shoulder as a farewell without making eye contact because it was him where Renjun got his awkwardness from.
His mother would always give him a hug but Renjun would always be the first to initiate it because he knew she hated saying goodbye. This time, he was surprised when she pulled him in first with her thin arms hugging tight around his neck.
“I’m so glad,” his mother said quietly.
She didn’t say anything else after that, only dropped her arms and took his father’s arm to walk out through the glass doors.
Renjun was at a lost for an entire minute in what his mother could possibly mean. But in that minute, he locked eyes with the boy standing outside waiting for him.
Jeno smiled and raised his hand in a wave which was so incredibly dumb because they were literally together all evening but also so him.
Him. Jeno.
Jeno who was really only his friend.
Guilt bubbled inside Renjun’s stomach for the first time that night.
Jeno must have noticed how his face fell because suddenly his brows furrowed in concern and he was rushing back inside the restaurant. He stalked towards Renjun and started rubbing his hands on the shorter’s arms in comfort. Renjun didn’t know how Jeno was still exceeding warmth after being out in the cold.
“Hey, you okay?”
Renjun did his best to nod. “I’m fine. Guess I’ll just miss them more than I thought.”
“Then what do you usually do to make yourself feel better after these?” Asked Jeno.
He raised his shoulders in a small shrug. “Take a long walk back home.”
“Well then,” Jeno slid his left hand and curled it around Renjun’s right one. “Let me walk you home, honey.”
It wasn’t the smartest decision as it was below zero degrees outside and Renjun was pretty sure it was meant to snow that night. But Jeno’s padding coat helped a lot and so did his warm hand still holding his.
Both were surprised when they finally reached his building after having a heated debate on whether Hamilton or Wicked deserved a movie first.
Renjun was also surprised when Jeno didn’t follow him up the steps towards the entrance then he remembered that the other was allowed to go back to his own apartment that day.
“It’s weird that I’m not following you inside, huh?” Jeno spoke the words straight out his head.
“Yeah,” Renjun laughed with a sniff, too scared to let go of the blonde’s hand.
“Don’t I get a goodnight kiss, Mr. Huang?”
Renjun hated how his breath hitched because it was obviously just one of the taller’s dumb jokes. What he did next he knew he would argue to himself all night that it was just a response to Jeno’s teasing.
Jeno who pretended to be his boyfriend tonight. Jeno who went out of his way to buy his mother flowers. Jeno who his family loved more than him now. Jeno who he…
Renjun hopped down a step and tiptoed to quickly press his lips against Jeno’s cheek.
“Goodnight, honey.”
The blonde blinked with his eyes comically wide before his face contorted into a snort then a full blown laugh. “Shut the fuck up.”
“You started it!” Renjun sniggered, finally dropping his hand from Jeno’s in case he did anything else stupid.
“Seeya tomorrow?”
The brunette snorted and light shoved Jeno before he climbed back up the few steps to their building. “Yeah, yeah.”
*
When he entered their apartment, it was pitch black save for the light coming from the television screen. Renjun tiptoed his way to the small living room and found his roommate sprawled on their ratty couch unsurprisingly with Donghyuck snuggled up on top of him.
The Phantom of the Opera was playing and it was already at the scene where the Phantom kidnapped Christine. This was also no surprise for the only reason all of them really started to get (obsessively) into musicals was because of Donghyuck who was a Theatre major and demanded that they all watched his favorites.
Mark blinked sleepily at him through his glasses when he realized Renjun was home. Renjun quickly waved his hands when his roommate was about to speak to stop him from waking the other. He quietly slumped down on the other side of the couch and lay his head on Mark’s bony shoulder that wasn’t occupied by Donghyuck.
When Christine started singing again, Renjun mumbled, “You were right.”
He felt rather than heard Mark hum in question.
Renjun’s eyes flickered down to his right hand. “I wasn’t okay with it.”
*
He really didn’t mean to avoid Jeno the following week after the dreaded reunion. Both school and work just piled up and Renjun didn’t have time to eat properly some nights. The last real meal he got that wasn’t cup noodles was when Donghyuck stayed over and cooked for both him and Mark who, in his exact words, “looked like fucking zombies.”
The heavy bags under his eyes mirrored Mark’s who had to spend long hours at their studio for their finals. Which meant Jeno was probably busy himself with his own studies.
“Can’t believe you’re ghosting Jeno.”
Renjun sighed heavily and slumped back against the cushions, laptop climbing higher up his stomach. “I am not ghosting him.”
“He practically had to lie through his teeth for you,” said Mark, shoving a handful of potato chips into his mouth. “And Jeno never lies.”
He felt like he was saved by the bell when Donghyuck came in carrying a tray of two steaming bowls of kimchi fried rice. While Donghyuck had to coerce Mark to let go of his laptop so he could finally eat, Renjun’s phone pinged from the other side of the couch. He reached for it blindly while typing with one hand and almost dropped it when he saw who messaged him.
Code red. Nana has someone over.
Jeno’s text read and despite everything, it made Renjun snort. He had to kick Mark’s back to grab the couple’s attention from their little tickling match. “Jeno’s coming over again.”
“Typical,” scoffed Donghyuck. “Saw Jaemin talking to someone earlier from our department. Some cute freshman named Jisung.”
Mark frowned at that. “You think he’s cute?”
Renjun looked away from Donghyuck cooing at Mark and pinching his cheek to reply with a short ‘sure’ to Jeno.
To give the two a bit of alone time - especially since they barely had enough time with Mark composing and Donghyuck rehearsing nightly - Renjun quickly gobbled down his bowl and decided to reside in his bedroom.
They were lucky enough to find an affordable place with two separate rooms, even though it was technically just one big room before Mark’s brother Johnny suggested putting up a wall in the middle of the room. This meant their parts of the halving were too small for desks but Renjun didn’t mind working on his bed and Mark always preferred working at the kitchen anyway.
He slumped down on his unmade bed, back against the wall, and looked around his room to try and blink away the darkening in the corners of his eyes. The wall separate of his bed was full of messy sketches and paintings. As a sort of motivation, Renjun made each of his friends draw for him so he could stick it up his wall. The little doodle of Moomin that Jaemin made was there along with a little collaboration of Mark and Donghyuck where they made cartoon portraits of themselves cheering him on. He even had a smiley face doodle from Xuxi on a table napkin from the reunion.
For a reason he would never admit, Renjun’s eyes always landed on one particular art. It was just blobs and brushes of blue with green mixed together. He remembered that day well, when Jeno stayed for the night and Renjun suggested finger painting with him. He was serious throughout and scolded the blonde for messing up the parts he painted but he couldn’t really be mad with Jeno’s giggling.
Renjun knew he was dozing off so he set his laptop on the far corner of his bed and curled up under his sheets. He was already in the midst of falling into a deep coma sleep from all his stress that he didn’t hear his bedroom door opening.
He was too tired to even react when he felt someone lay down beside him. Coming from the smell of winter and cheap cologne, he already knew who it was without opening his eyes.
“Hello, Lee Jeno,” he mumbled sleepily.
“Hi,” he heard the other scooch closer, probably because his bed could barely hold two people to begin with. “Tired?”
“Hell week,” Renjun forced his eyes to open and he did his best to hide his surprise when he saw how close the blonde’s face was.
There was no reason for him to feel uncomfortable now, not since Jeno would normally crash on either his or Mark’s bed or the couch.
The corner of Jeno’s thin lips quirked up into a small smile and the halo around his head from Renjun’s lamp really wasn’t helping the beating of his heart.
Seeing him clearly now, Renjun could make out how exhausted Jeno looked. The darkness under his eyes were fainter than his but he could make out a bit of a stubble which meant he must have been really out of it to forget shaving. Guilt bubbled up in his stomach once again for trying to avoid him all this time.
Jeno closed his eyes this time with a heavy sigh and sing-songed a quiet, “Injunnie…”
Renjun hummed in the same tune, unable to stop the fond grin growing on his face.
Jeno shook his head until their foreheads were pressed against each other. “Talk to me, Injunnie.”
Renjun chuckled under his breath at his friend’s antics for he knew it was the fatigue talking. “But I don’t have anything to say.”
“Weird,” mumbled Jeno. “Usually you never shut up.”
“I can kick you off this bed, y’know.”
There was mirth in Jeno’s eyes when he opened them again, “And leave me with the other two weebs canoodling out there?”
Renjun snorted. “Canoodling? What are you, eighty?”
“Feel like it, not gonna lie.”
They were practically whispering by now when Renjun jokes, “You’ll survive without me, Lee.”
He felt Jeno’s arm wrap itself around his waist, “Don’t think I will.”
This was normal. Their back and forth. Jeno cuddling up to him because what anyone outside of their little circle of friends didn’t know was how clingy the blonde really was. Cramped up in a singles bed because Mark was probably sharing his with Hyuck by now and Renjun wasn’t mean enough to let the boy sleep on their couch with how exhausted he must be.
This was all completely normal. So Renjun allowed himself to close his eyes and snuggle closer, cologne drowned by the plain scent of Jeno’s skin.
“Renjun?”
“Yes, honey?”
He felt Jeno smile against his forehead. “We’re okay, right?”
Allowing himself to be selfish one more time, Renjun gave a short jerk of his head as a sort of nod and whispered before dozing off, “Always.”