Archive of Our Own

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"Enjoy your ride!"

The cheery young lady said with a smile as the group of boys shuffled past her, made to take random seats on the different animals.

"Ooh, I want the lion!" Mark exclaimed dragging Donghyuck along. Jeno and Jaemin trailed after the pair, took the loveseat.

"Dolphin!!" Chenle practically screeched as he ran past the other animals.

"Oh boy. Here we go," Jisung mumbled.

Xuxi laughed, his eyes closing with glee. "Just go, Jisung. Look, he's calling for you," he gestured at a very excited Chenle waving furiously in their direction.  Jisung grumbled, but the small smile on his face didn't go unnoticed as he walked forward.

"C'mon, Xuxi! The ride is going to start!" Chenle shouted from where he was seated on the dolphin, Jisung desperately trying to find a comfortable position for his legs.

True to Chenle's words the carousel sprung to life and made him swiftly sink onto a brown horse near him. He settled comfortably, watched his friends laugh. The carousel hummed lightly as it spun around, giving them a wonderful view of the setting sun over the river before it rounded back to the lively amusement park.

Xuxi smiled lightly, fished out his phone. He snapped a few pictures of his friends. Donghyuck had propped his head on Mark's shoulder, Jisung slipped his hand into Chenle's, listening to the Chinese boy go on and on about something that had happened at home, while Jeno and Jaemin were silently cuddling.

He made to put his phone back in his pocket when he spotted something in the corner of his eye.

It was a man. Xuxi hadn't even spotted him when they got on the ride. His appearance itself wasn't that eye catching, a worn down turtle neck and jeans, dirty converse perched on the penguin he was riding as his head rest against the silver pole, eyes seeming to be staring at the view past Xuxi, but at nothing as well.

His black hair swished in the wind as the carousel rounded again and Xuxi had yet to look away, too mesmerized by the man's sudden appearance. Then the small eyes trailed to him and Xuxi took a breath as their eyes locked. He had soft features and as he looked at Xuxi his face did not portray any emotion.

"Come on, man," Jeno's voice pulled him from his trance. He hadn't noticed the ride had stopped, too focused on the strange man.

Xuxi got up sheepishly, eyes looking back at the man. The stranger watched him for another moment before his eyes trailed away just as slow as they had come.

He showed no signs of moving as Xuxi trailed behind his friends. A new group of people shuffling in, taking their places and when the carousel started up again, he was still on the penguin.

His friends gave him no time to linger on the man as they pulled him into another conversation, but later when they were shooting hoops the man caught his eye again. Night had fallen at this point and he was moving amongst the crowd of people going about their business.

In a sense Xuxi knew that if he hadn't seen him on the carousel, he wouldn't have noticed him now. He had just finished his set too. Maybe it was faith?

"Uuh-" he started as he glanced at his friends. "Be right back." He ignored their confused looks to scan the crowd, hoping he hadn't lost sight of his destination and when he found what he was looking for he wasted no time in making his way through the bustling people.

"Hi," he said breathlessly a few moments later when he had reached the man's side and it effectively made him stop in his tracks. He blinked up at Xuxi a bit confused and the thought of how small he was crept in as Xuxi towered over him. He took in the fine features again.

"Hello?" the man questioned, his brows furrowing a bit. He was even more beautiful up close, voice soft unlike his own.

Xuxi shook his head a second before he reached out a hand. "Hello. Hi. I'm Xuxi. We met- well, no. I saw you on the carousel," he uses his other hand to point in the direction of the ride.

The man grabbed his hand slowly, still a bit confused it seemed. "Yes?" He questioned again.

"I-" Xuxi started as he looked at their hands, the man's so much smaller than his own. His brows furrowed. "I'm sorry. I just came here on a whim. I don't really-" he stopped talking when the man's face went from confused to amused.

He smiled softly. "Then why are you here, Xuxi?"

"I-" he trailed off. "Hang out with me?" he asked after a pause. The man looked at him confused again. He seemed to be thinking it over. He had yet to let go of Xuxi's hand and for a second he thought he'd just leave, but after he lightly bit his lip he nodded and replied.

"Okay."

Now… Xuxi isn't stupid. He knows you can't just randomly ask people to hang out. He’s lucky this stranger agreed in the first place, but there was a warmth swelling in his chest and he couldn't help but grin, somehow, happy?

"I'm Renjun... by the way," the man finally introduced himself and Xuxi saw the light blush creep up into his cheeks.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Renjun," he replied excitedly before continuing with, "Come with me," and practically dragged Renjun along.

It was in the spur of the moment.

Well, that's what Xuxi would say. It felt right. Being with Renjun felt right and as they sprint along the park, laughing, hopping on various rides and ate the unhealthy carnival snacks he never wanted it to end.

"What do you want to ride now?" Xuxi questioned as he bit into his corndog, the yummy sausage on the inside heaven on his tongue. He glanced over his shoulder, realizing only then that Renjun had stopped following him.

He was a few feet away, staring at a booth… or well, something on display. Xuxi eyed the giant bear, swallowed his food before he opened his mouth to speak. "Do you want that?"

Renjun's head snapped at him surprised. It pulled a smile on Xuxi's face. Cute.

He stuffed the rest of his corndog in his mouth, pulling at the stick and discarding it in the trash-bin so conveniently placed next to him. He read the display sign as he walked up and chuckled. "Power Punch. Alright, bet. Rules?" 

The elderly man inside the booth smiled. "It's pretty straight forward. Just punch the bag. The higher your score, the bigger your prize," he gestured towards the red machine.

Renjun stepped to his side. "You don't have to-" he started as Xuxi paid the fee.

"But Renjun wants the bear," Xuxi whined, grinned. "Let's get you it!" He twist his shoulders then walked to the machine and took a proper position as the old man pulled down the small punching bag. He clenched his fist and when the okay was given he lunged forward, fist colliding firmly with the thick leather.

The machine shook frantically, red lights flickering as it calculated the numbers. He noticed Renjun shaking slightly as it gave him two thousand and thirty-four, but before he could ask if he was alright the old man whistled and handed him the bear.

Xuxi looked at the man in surprise and he laughed. "I overheard," he simply stated.

"Thank you," Xuxi smiled gratefully as he accepted the prize, then he stepped to Renjun who was looking at the ground. "Hey, you alright?" he finally questioned the smaller man.

Renjun looked up at him as he fiddled with the sleeves of his turtleneck. "Ye-yeah," he mumbled, "Just cold."

Xuxi suppressed the urge to coo. Instead he hummed in lieu of answering and hand the bear over to Renjun, who pulled it against his chest, hands sinking into the soft fabric and without much explanation Xuxi removed his jacket and draped it over Renjun's shoulders. 

Renjun looked up surprised again, wanted to protest, but Xuxi just smiled warmly before asking. "Next ride?"

He watched Renjun snuggle his nose into the bear as the Ferris-wheel slowly rotated up. "I'm glad you like it." He smiled when Renjun nodded, pulled the bear that much closer.

"Thank you for today," he started, looked at him from where his face was snuggled into the bear. He looked even smaller like this, especially since he was now also swimming in Xuxi's jacket.

The Ferris-wheel stopped, left them at the very top and Renjun shifted to admire the view. Xuxi watched as he took a deep breath, his eyes closing before letting out a content sigh.

"Don't you think it's beautiful?" Renjun smiled. Xuxi's eyes trailed over city lights, the river and sky, before ending on Renjun.

"Not as beautiful as you."

He couldn't help himself. He knew he said he'd gone up to Renjun on a whim and that was indeed true, but the more he was alongside him. Finding out he liked art, cute things, passion fruit slush, music, that he loved singing and that (to which Xuxi was outraged) he didn't really like sweets.

The more he got to know Renjun, the more beautiful he became. This man that’s still practically a stranger he happened to meet on a carousel already felt like a friend and Xuxi didn't want to let him go, a strong urge to protect him sinking into his skin and engraving itself in his bones.

Renjun blushed furiously, the shade of his cheeks switching to red and reaching his ears.

"You're not so bad yourself," he shot back and Xuxi lifted his hand to his face as he snickered a, “Thank you.”

They spent the rest of their time together on the pier, talking about whatever came to mind before Renjun smiled sadly and declared he had to go.

"Well... Can I have your number? And then maybe we can do this again?" There was no way he wasn't seeing Renjun again, but to his dismay the man shook his head.

"I don't have a phone."

Xuxi paused, brows furrowing, but before he could even ask Renjun continued with. "It's complicated." He shifted on his legs and Xuxi refrained from prying. He bit his lip in frustration, Renjun looking over his shoulder before an amazing idea popped into his head.

"Take my number!" he exclaimed excitedly, reaching into his pocket to pull out a pen. He reached for the bear since the tag around its neck was the only paper he could find and quickly scribbled it down, smiled looking at Renjun. "There. Now you can call me whenever!"

Renjun looked at the tag in silence, a smile also starting to bloom on his lips. "Okay, I will! And then we can meet up again!"

Xuxi grinned again, felt giddy at the idea that Renjun was just as excited as him to meet up again. He stopped Renjun when he made to give him back his jacket.

"Keep it." He pulled it around Renjun again. "So you don't forget," he whispered a slight blush on his cheeks and for the first time since Xuxi had lain eyes on him, Renjun smiled widely. It took his breath away, his eyes turning into crescent moons and his teeth on display.

"As if I could ever forget you."

Xuxi stood there for a few more moments even when Renjun had already disappeared. His mind lingered on the presence the man left behind, the impression. The buzz of his phone was what pulled him back to reality.

"Thanks for ditching us man," Mark's distinguished voice came through the speaker.

"Mark! Oh man, bro. I'm so sorry! I didn’t mean to-"

Mark cut him off by laughing happily.

"It's fine Xuxi. We know. We're in the parking lot. Come on! We want to hear all about your new friend!"

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!

Renjun grunted lightly as he climbed into his bedroom window, closed it softly and slipped out of Xuxi's giant jacket.

He placed it on the desk chair discarded in his scarcely furnished room, but the bear however he pulled closer to him, sighing as he kicked off his shoes and socks before quietly sinking into his bed.

He'd have to wake up early to make up the time he's lost for his school studies, because he spent the night with… a stranger. Xuxi, huh?

A smile crept onto his face again as he snuggled into the bear, but then his bedroom door flew open and he jumped out his skin.

He let out a gasp when it hit the wall with so much force the interior shook, eyed widening in horror as he eyed the perpetrator. His mouth went dry at the dreadful feeling starting to spread in his chest.

"Look who finally came home!" His uncle yelled and he instinctively flinched back. There was a half empty bottle in his hand, hair disheveled and he still wore his work attire. "What did I tell you?!" Huh, Princess??!" He continued, stomping forward and grabbing Renjun by the neck. "Always be home for me when I get back!" and without further warning he slammed the bottle into Renjun's side with force, the thick glass sturdy enough for the impact.

Tears immediately pooled in Renjun's eyes as it hit one of his fresh bruises. "I-I'm sor-" he stuttered, but was silenced by the hand around his throat tightening.

"Shut up!!"

The sound of the bottle hitting the floor was muffled by the pain pulling at his abdomen as he fell onto the bed crying and clenched where he'd been punched. He thrashed when his jeans were ripped off of him. "No!! Don't touch me!" he screamed before he was hit again. He heard the sound of his uncle’s belt clanking and wailed. 

God, no. Not again. He didn't want this. He never wanted this, but he knew he couldn't fight back. He reached for the bear again, pulled it close, but his uncle didn't seem too pleased with that.

"Give me that!" he yelled, yanking it.

"No!"

"Give it here!" he continued to demand, whipped his belt onto Renjun's hand, who let out a cry at the sharp sting. He scrambled to grasp the tag as the bear was yanked from his grasp. He clasped onto it for dear life, crumbling it in the process as he was whipped repeatedly, shrunk. He sobbed as the belt collided with his sensitive skin, seemingly hitting everywhere, but his face. Never his face, because then people would find out. Then people would know.

Would they do anything if they knew though? Would they? Have they ever-?

He seemed to have thrashed until his limbs were weak and then brokenly sobbed as his uncle took him against his will. He squeezed his eyes shut, because he couldn't bare to watch. He never could. All he could ever do is cry as all the scars on his body burned.

It seemed to never end. The creaking of the old bed, his uncles grunts, the smell of alcohol and pain, pain, pain, pain, pain, pain.

He lay there in the dark long after his uncle had left, had slammed the door shut in his wake. He didn't know how much time had passed when he finally opened his eyes, swollen and stinging from his tears, his vision a bit blurry as he looked at his hand that was still clenching the paper. He unclasped his fingers slowly.

"Xuxi," he whispered, voice hoarse as he looked at the writing. Then he sat up slowly, face pulling before looked around the room, looked for-

He suppressed a sob, tears pooling in his eyes again when the bear was nowhere in sight, undoubtedly being taken by his uncle. He rubbed the back of his hands into his eyes, frustrated, but then they fell on the lone chair in the corner. The jacket was still perched on it.

He let out a whimper, the loud thud in the room followed by small gasps of pain, faded into silence as he dragged himself over the hard wooden floor.

His body was screaming in protest and he knew he had to rest, clean up as fast as he could, but right now he didn't care, didn’t care enough to worry about that and when he finally reached the chair he shakily pulled down the jacket. The denim clothing fell into his arms with ease and he immediately breathed in the strong scent that lingered on it, stuffed his face into it as he took deep breathes, tried to drown out everything, everything but the memory of the man he met hours prior.

He gathered it into his arms more, curled into a ball, clutched it to his chest as he started crying again, shucking as his sobbed were muffled.

There he lay until sleep took him, mind desperately replaying the moments he spent with the sweet tall man, a bright smile on his face before his consciousness faded into a dreamless slumber.

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Xuxi was over the moon. Renjun had called him two days after their initial meeting and they wound up getting ice-cream at the local mall.

They'd wander around different stores and even watch movies. Xuxi learning how smart Renjun actually was when they passed a wildlife stand one day and Renjun learning how funny Xuxi could be when they entered a toy store for fun.

Knowing an entire encyclopedia of animals versus trying to ride a tricycle for a five year old when you're six feet tall. Xuxi had to beg and apologize profusely, while Renjun tried not to snicker behind him. The store clerk finally letting him off with a warning before they wandered aimlessly again. They ended the day with a promise from Renjun that he’d call Xuxi as soon as he could and the man yet again watched him go with the same feeling he had before.

Renjun was very understanding and Xuxi loved that he even offered to simply go for a walk one day. They didn’t say much, just walked through the park and sat on a bench before Renjun said thank you, and goodbye. The more time Xuxi spent with him, the more he seemed to open up and he found that he'd do anything to see the smile on Renjun's face, anything. Seeing him smile filled Xuxi with warmth.

The smaller man clutched his stomach as he laughed happily. "Stop, Xuxi! Stop!”

"Okay- Okay- Last one," Xuxi laughed in reply. "Who's dinosaurs their least favorite reindeer?"

Renjun's brows furrowed as he tried to catch his breath. "Who?"

"Comet," Xuxi answered with a cheeky smile and Renjun casts his eyes to the sky as a smile broke over his face. “I shouldn’t be laughing at this. I shouldn’t-“ he shook his head. "You're impossible!" he lightly pushes Xuxi, "I can't feel my face!"

"Then I am doing something right!" Xuxi practically howled as he moved side to side with each word. He had the biggest grin plastered on his face, eyes twinkling as he watched Renjun wipe the tears from his eyes, laugh again and lean into him.

Xuxi’s face fell a bit as the smaller man laughed, warmly smiled down as Renjun slowly trailed along with him. Renjun looked up then, face falling a bit too. His eyes widened a tad, lips parting before he pulled away, cheeks dusting. He smiled again as Xuxi watched him with a small smile, stopped.

“Let’s go,” Renjun blushed and he cast his eyes down, turned to walk ahead before Xuxi trailed behind him again.

"It's whipped culture," Donghyuck had said when they finally met Renjun. The man was accepted into the friend group like it was nothing.

Xuxi finally had a partner of his own. Not that he felt lonely before, but having Renjun along was always a gift. Seeing his face light up when he surprised him with a visit to an art gallery, hearing his angelic voice when they all went to karaoke. Xuxi had shed a tear, tears he quickly wiped away of course.

And God...

Xuxi loved how Renjun appreciated every gift. No matter how small. Renjun's backpack had gradually filled with key chains and pins that Xuxi always got him. He was especially fond of the Moomin one he’d gotten on one of their walks. The man had steadily become a part of his life... and he had suspected, one faithful day in a bakery, as the boy's eyes lit up with delight, a part of his heart.

Xuxi had fallen...

He had fallen so hard. All he could see… was Renjun...  So of course... Of course...

He noticed, noticed the slight flinching when he made sudden movements, the dark circles that gradually started to appear under Renjun’s eyes and his wardrobe that consistent of nothing but long sleeved attire.

Renjun also hardly touched him, to his dismay... Disappointment festering in his chest when he gently tried to hold his hand, but Renjun pulled it back with a shy smile, turned away.

He never talked about family, had shrugged it off when Xuxi had asked him about his own grandparents after having told him a story about his. Not about his parents, his home. He'd been to Xuxi's dorm multiple times, but he himself had yet to figure out where Renjun lived.

It was eating at him, making him unsure and confused..., but he didn't want to bring it up. What Renjun told him was his own choice and Xuxi had to respect that... but it still... it still made him sad somehow... because amazing as this all was... Xuxi had no way of seeing Renjun, if Renjun didn't call.

But he let it go... Until the day he couldn't...

Until Renjun stopped calling...

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Renjun is exhausted... but happy.

Between school, Xuxi and... his problems at home, he hardly had any time to think, but that's what he wanted, that is the only thing keeping away his dreadful thoughts, that feeling he never wanted to confront when he arrived home, that feeling he so easily forgot when he’d notice Xuxi in the distance.

The last few months had been rough, going from laughing to pain, in the span of hours. At least he'd passed into the next grade. A bitter laugh left throat as he knew summer was starting. Summer, the usually joyous season for everyone, everyone... except Renjun.

No…

And this time, he'd decided he wouldn't just take it. Even if it shook him to the core, he knew he couldn't fight. So he settled for the opposite.

He'd run.

He knew it was a stupid idea. There was no guarantee, no solid secure reason for him to be able to go, but he’d take anything over this. He couldn’t take it anymore…

He knew Xuxi was curious. He could see the way he looked at him. Large brown eyes filled with concern, with… affection, could see how his hands hovered before pulling away... Afraid to touch Renjun after he’d pulled away so many times.

He hates it. He hates that he won’t allow himself to be honest.

He hates lying to Xuxi, hates to not tell him the truth. There was a time he thought the man would discard him the moment he knew what was going on, but that day... That day in the bakery when Xuxi's gaze had shifted, when his eyes had filled with so much warmth and sincerity... Renjun had known Xuxi loved him, he knew..., because he loved Xuxi too.

He realizes that it’s probably just his imagination, just some sliver of hope he is clinging too. Xuxi probably just sees him as a friend, but…

He has nothing to lose…

So the decision was clear. He knew it was naive to put so much trust in one person... But Xuxi was his happiness... He deserved that trust.

He'd leave today, before his uncle came home. He'd finally leave this place behind. But it seems... It always seems like faith has different plans for him...

He’s zipping up his bag after he’d placed the little stuff he wants to bring along inside, smiles at the large jacket draped over the foot of the bed when his bedroom door casually swings open. He stills and his face falls, hands gripping his bag as he takes a hitched breath.

"Where are you going?"

He turned, swallows as he shakes his head slightly. "Uncle?" No- No- He wasn't supposed to be here yet. Not for another four hours...

The man clicked his tongue, eyes scanning him from head to toe. Renjun tried to suppress the way his frame started to shake.

"You've been going out a lot lately," the man started again as he stepped into the small room. "Even after all the nights of telling you to be home for me."  Renjun turns, bumps against his bed in his panic, shuffles. "Why is that so hard for you to do? Hm?"

Renjun's breath is becoming uneven, heart hammering in his chest as he slowly tries to back away. He knew he was disobeying his uncle by staying out late with Xuxi, but he'd rather be there than here.

"I-" Renjun dared, but he startled a moment later, his uncle silencing the sentence as he stomped the floor.

"I'm talking," his words came in a calm voice... too calm. If there was anything Renjun had picked up from his alcoholic uncle, it was that he was more dangerous sober... and by the way the man looked at him... he could tell he wasn't intoxicated. Renjun's lips trembled as the man continued.

"I got fired today." He scoffed, eyes falling on Renjun's bag. "Something about being unfit for work," he looks at Renjun again. "Can you believe that?"

The air was tense as they looked at each other. He was trying his hardest to stay calm. Renjun knew why they fired him, was surprised it hadn't happened sooner, but right now he cursed every single person in that establishment, because that's why the man was here right now.

"I-" he stuttered again, "I'm sorry abo-" the words are cut off with a startled gasps of pain when a fist collides with his jaw. It knocks the wind out of him as he collapses, clutches his jaw that starts to throb.

"I said; I'm talking!" the man screamed. Renjun scrambles, shuffles over the floor to put some distance between them. "You're just like her, you know that? Just like your fucking mom!" He marched forward, kicks against his ribs and Renjun gasps for air as the pain starts spreading through his frame, coughs as fingers tangle in his hair and then he's being yanked up harshly. "You even fucking look like her." The words are spat in his face and Renjun tries to fight the tears in his eyes as his hands clasp over his uncle's grip against the pain. "She ran away with my brother. Got herself fucking killed and now you are here. Reminding me of what I couldn't have- Or better yet-" he grabs onto Renjun's throbbing jaw. "Leaving me with something I can have."

Bile rose in Renjun's throat, face contorting in disgust as he croaked. "I- I'm not my f- Fucking mom, you s-sick-"

Another blow hit him straight in the face, silencing him before another followed. He fell to the ground, the taste of iron seeping into his mouth. A taste he only associated with summer. He blinks hard when his leg is grasped, thrashes when he realizes what’s happening when the worn out wooden floor creaked as he was dragged.

"Fuck, no!" he screamed, legs scrambling to kick his uncle, but the man grabbed his other leg and retaliates with a rough swing. Renjun is dragged over the floor so easily and he stills when his upper body colliding with the wall. A whimper falls from his lips then, eyes trailing unfocused, vision blurred as his cheek drags over the floor. His fingers straining as he tries to hold onto anything. His sobs soon followed as he shook his head, tears filling his eyes as he was dragged with no remorse.

"I guess our summer fun starts early this time, princess." The words come teasingly, but Renjun continued to struggle as the damp smell of the least used room in the house graces his senses. It's a room he knew all too well, a room he hated with every fiber of his being. He screamed in frustration as the door swung behind them, the sound echoing down the hall before it muffled into nearly nothing.

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Renjun gasped for air after he startled awake, eyes darting in the dark room. Why was he awake? What time was it? His head was throbbing, every inch of his body screaming in pain.

He shifted lightly, face contorting and an immediate sob falling from his lips as he felt the sharp pang run up his spine. He suppressed it, squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to calm down, calmed his breathing.

After a few silent moments the ringing in his head ceased and slowly the sound of rain filled the space, grew louder the calmer he became, louder as his hearing returned to him and he blinked rapidly when lightning flashed, colored the room momentarily.

He was alone...

He took another tired breath, relief washing over his body a bit. The thunderstorm must have woken him. When had he been awake last?

He blinked hard a few more times to clear his mind. The remnants of the subduing drug finally leaving his system... which meant that he'd probably been here for awhile now…

Xuxi…

He wanted to scream in frustration. Trash in fury, but his body couldn't handle that right now and most importantly... he didn't want to draw his uncle's attention. He took a few more breaths before he finally tried to move. His limbs heavy, sluggish and hardly moving on command the first few minutes, but he continues to try and bring life back into them.

There was a slight tug at one of his hands and when he looks up he finds it dangling in a cuff. Not ever getting much to eat here would be a plus, because as he pulled at it he noticed how it reached up to half his hand. He grit his teeth as he pulled at it more. The rough metal sinking into his skin and with one last tug his skin broke, but his hand also slipped out.

Not a second went to waste as he weakly shifted, lowered his bare frame off the small bed and slowly crawled towards the door.

He hoped- No, prayed his uncle hadn't locked it, prayed the son of a bitch thought the drugs he injected into Renjun daily were enough to keep him down.

When the door creaked open he nearly cried, but he restrained his tears, knew he still had a long way to go.

The hallway was quiet, empty and he squinted at the clock to see the time. 01:32 AM Only distinguishable because of the lightning that colored the walls in natural white. Bless Mother Nature and all her cruelty.

The process of him pulling himself to his room felt like a lifetime and he only shut the door to his room when the sky rumbled loudly. He wasn't taking any chances. Not when he's gotten this far, not when he was nearly out. He slowly worked himself into Xuxi's jacket then, pressed the fabric to his quivering lips before he slung his backpack over his shoulder.

Then finally- Finally slowly pushed open his window, the harsh wind and rain smacking him in the face, but it felt easing, felt welcoming.

He doesn't know how long it had taken him or from where he gained the energy, but when he fell onto the grass outside his bedroom window, sunk into the thick wet earth he finally let out a sob, because he knew he was free.

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Xuxi registered the buzzing in his sleep and it roused him. He blinked a few moments, confused, sleep still heavy on his senses. The buzzing began again and he rolled over and glanced at his alarm clock through his bangs. The green light flickered, 03:46 AM. The six jumping to seven as he blinked.

His phone continued to buzz beside the clock, so he reached for it, squinted at the light when he turned it over.

"Landline."

Xuxi's breath hitched, fingers immediately pressing to answer the call as he sat up, lift the phone to his ear. "Hello?" he let out in a hoarse voice.

The sound of muffled rain came through the speaker along with labored breathing. It sent a chill up his spine, grip tightening as he listened intently, dread washing over his frame when the sobs come through.

"Xu-xi-."

-

Xuxi raced through the quiet streets, eyes continuously darting to the location on his phone in concern.

When he had somewhat managed to calm down Renjun, the man had stuttered out his location and Xuxi was out of the door faster than the wind that howled in the nightly air.

His eyes flicked down to his phone and as it announced that he’d arrived, he undid his seat belt and exits the car in haste. The cold rain seeps through his shirt in an instant, mats his hair to his forehead as his eyes dart over the empty street. It’s cold, so cold he shivers a moment. Then he notices the payphone at the far end of the street, the door slightly open and shifting in the wind. He immediately set into a run, almost slipping on the pavement before he yanked the door open, froze.

Renjun shivers as he sits in a ball under the phone, has his bag clutched in his arms, presses it to his chest with his filthy, dirt covered limbs... He's only wearing Xuxi's jacket and when he looks up all the life drains from the tall man's face.

Renjun's face is littered with scars and bruises, from a black eye to a cut in his blue lips. Xuxi surges forward, gathers the boy in his arms and it is only then that he hears the sobs, muted under the harsh downpour.  

"Renjun," he breathes, "Baby," the word falls by itself as he cradles him close, brushes his bangs away and looks at him concerned. "What-? Who-?" he doesn't know what to ask.

Renjun sobs harder, hiccups as he weakly grasps Xuxi's soaking shirt. "Xuxi- Xuxi-" His name falls endlessly as he rubs his face into his chest. "Xuxi-"

Sadness washes over Xuxi and he slings the bag over his shoulder wordlessly, lifts Renjun before he speaks again, soft and strained. "I need to get you to the hospital-"

"No- No-" Renjun protests weakly, shakes his head. "He'll find me. He'll-" his voice breaks into a sob again.

"Okay- Okay- I'm sorry- I won't bring you- It's okay. I've got you. I've got you, baby," Xuxi whispers to the man in his arms.

Renjun clings onto Xuxi's waist as he drives back to the dorms. Xuxi desperately trying to calm down the distraught man, but Renjun only started calming down when they were behind locked doors.

He was still shivering and Xuxi hurried to run a warm bath, asked tentatively if it was okay for him to clean Renjun. The man nodded slightly, lips quivering as he looked at him and Xuxi's chest twist.

The feeling only worsened, spreads with what he sees next. He wasn't prepared for this. He's already fighting with the feelings within him when he looks at Renjun's face, but now...

His jaw pulls as his eyes run down the famished frame, littered in scars and dark bruises. He swallows to calm himself down, looks away a moment as he feels all his feelings crush together, form into one...

Rage...

He gripped onto the sink, teeth clenching painfully.

"I'm sorry," Renjun whispered when he noticed Xuxi's knuckles turning white. The tall man's head snapped to Renjun in disbelief.

"Sorry?” he asks in tense outrage, “You have nothing to apologize for," he reached out to hold the other's cheek, but froze midway. There is a silence. A muted silence before he whisper asks. "Can I?"

When Renjun looked up, the plea is evident in his eyes and that's all Xuxi needs to continue, large hands wrapping over soft cheeks, cradling Renjun's head before placing his own against it.

He had longed for this, longed to touch Renjun, craved it. How cruel that it would happen in these circumstances.

"Let's get you cleaned up, yeah?"

Renjun looks into his eyes, his own sad, he inches forward and Xuxi stays so still as he hovers an inch away, but then his eyes lower and he nods. Xuxi takes a slow breath, thumbs rubbing gently over his cheeks before he pulls away to lift him once more, sinks him into the tub. Renjun hisses lightly when water touches his fresh wounds, but after sitting down and taking steady breaths he relaxes again as his body heats up.

Xuxi however grows warier with each new scar or bruised revealed. How many more? How many more? he questions continuously as the water starts turning darker. He's imagined Renjun's body countless times. How slim he'd be, milky white stomach and thighs, smooth to the touch and soft... so soft.

The reality is both infuriating and saddening. Renjun lying on his bed fully bare and not one inch of his body seemed to be unharmed.

He's been rubbing the ointment he usually uses when he gets injured during their many outdoor activities, for the past twenty minutes.

Renjun lay like a broken doll, skin red and swelling. Dark blue bruises littered his ribs. Xuxi was surprised none were broken. The bruises also spanned from his neck and arms, way down to his...

It seems Renjun felt Xuxi's eyes burning on the lower part of his body, because he instinctively closed his thighs with a slow motion, hands coming to cover himself.

Xuxi casts his eyes down and after a silence that seems to stretch endlessly, he whispers. "Did he-?" his voice trailed off, but he already knew the answer. It was written into Renjun's skin. The blue bruises over his thighs and hips tainting his very existence.

"Yes," Renjun answers just as softly.

"... For how long?"

There is another beat of silence before Renjun replies with a soft broken voice. "…Thirteen."

Xuxi's eyes darted up and Renjun saw the sorrow within them, head shaking lightly. It festered deep within his core, consumed him slowly.

Xuxi's eyes trail back to Renjun's lower half. "May I?" he questioned, but his large hands already pull Renjun's own away, slowly spread the thin thighs to continue the treatment.

Xuxi's hands are warm on Renjun's skin. The complete opposite of what he's used to. It's tender and gentle, puts him at ease. It puts him at ease, but he can’t help feeling guilty, guilty and sorry…

"You should sleep," Xuxi mumbled after he had slipped Renjun into one of his shirts, the man seems so small in it.

"Will you stay with me?" the sun has started to rise, stray rays basking Renjun in the morning light.

"Of course, I will," Xuxi replies. His hand comes up, seems to want to grab Renjun’s but he stops, makes to pull back. Renjun’s own hand comes forward then, gently wraps around Xuxi’s fingers before he intertwines them, looks up unsure. Xuxi’s grip tightens and Renjun closes his eyes, finally smiles.

"Thank you," he whispers, pulls Xuxi’s hand closer. “Thank you.”

It takes no effort for the man to fall asleep and it is only then that Xuxi finally rises, showers, before he carefully slips in bed with Renjun, watches him before sleep takes him as well.

-

The next few days are bittersweet. Renjun caught a fever. Xuxi saddening at the idea of how long he’d been in the cold, how much faster he could have been there… but Renjun pulled his attention away from his thoughts when he pulled him into bed allowed Xuxi to cuddle him. He effortlessly fell asleep in the elder’s arms, but Xuxi also watched Renjun sob, watched him cry as he cleaned his insides of the left over damage his uncle had inflicted.

He would sleep most of the days away, would still be asleep when Xuxi got home. Only eating and having hushed conversation with him, always request to be held and who was Xuxi to say no?

It isn't easy. Xuxi has practically become a skilled nurse with the amount of times he's treated the man, since Renjun still refused to go to the hospital. He understands it now... understand more than he had before. Renjun has no living relatives, besides his uncle. So it was understandable that he'd be contacted as his legal guardian.

Xuxi subconsciously crushes the plastic bag in his hand as he thought about the man. Renjun laughed softly from his place beneath the covers.

"Don't kill the gummy bears. They don't deserve it." Xuxi smiles momentarily, places down the bag. Renjun has been slowly getting better, color returning to his skin, but the bruises have gone from blue to black, the skin around them shading a bit of yellow as it heals. "What's on your mind?"

Xuxi moves from where he is sitting on the ground, slips under the covers with Renjun a moment later. He perches his head on his arm, eyes the smaller man that turns to him. His arm snaked around Renjun's waist, pulls them closer together and as they settle, Renjun feels Xuxi massage soothingly into his skin. Xuxi scans Renjun's face before the words fall from his lips.

"I want to know."

Renjun's eyes widen a tab in surprise. He knew Xuxi would ask eventually, he just didn't think he'd ask this early, thought he’d have more time. More time to enjoy… this. He takes a breath before he replies.

"I've- I've never told anyone before-" he starts, but trails off, pulls away and turns his back to Xuxi. The large man is silent, shifts a bit, but he doesn't try to pull Renjun back into his arms. "There isn't much to tell," he continues, "I was nine when my parents passed away. I was at school and remember the police coming in to escort me to the hospital... There I watched my mom...” he looks over his shoulder, but doesn’t turn all the way. “She couldn't even speak anymore... Dad had already passed by then... I remember feeling so helpless," he shrinks, "but it was nothing compared to what followed." He takes a deep breath, tries to calm his racing heart at the memories. His fists clench. "He- He refused to take me in at first and I wish they had just left me at the orphanage..., because the moment I entered that house... it was hell...”

Xuxi swallows when a silence follows, prepares himself for the words that will follow and he closes his eyes when Renjun continues with.

“He always beat me… Told me how useless I was and that I'd never achieve anything. I tried to tell the neighbors... but that only back fired. They didn't pay much attention to me after that... Some even moved away… I- They-“ Renjun’s brows furrow as he tries to understand, still tries to understand after so many years. Tears pool in his eyes as he shrugs his shoulders, "And as I grew older he beat me less, but that's because I collapsed at school and he almost got caught. In the beginning I had hope that someone would save me. Really- Anyone... but the older I got the less likely that seemed." He blinks, tears running from his eyes into the sheets. "And then- When I was thirteen... He... He started calling me... princess," he says the word with such disgust. "Claimed that's what he called my mom."

Xuxi reaches forward slowly, hand coming to rest on Renjun’s shoulder.

"He says I look like her. Talk like her... and when he... when he... forced himself onto me... he said I cry like her as well.”

Xuxi wants to stop him, comes forward a bit and squeezes his shoulder. “Ren-“

“I fucking hated it. Hate it! Everything!" his body shucks. Xuxi doesn't move. "Him! My life- Myself- What did I do to suffer like this? What didn’t I do??  I may as well just die,” he calms a bit suddenly, takes a breath. “I thought. What was the point of this miserable existence?"

His hand comes up and his fingers wrap around Xuxi’s, hold onto his hand.

"But then I met you."

It’s a whisper, but in the silence of the room Xuxi hears it loud and clear. “Renjun-“ he whispers, but the man shakes his head, continues.

"You saved me... from myself. I'd do anything to see you smile, to hear you laugh. You’re my light. I found happiness in you and I just wanted to be with you... But I- I- waited too long a- and,” he’s stuttering now, “he got fired and he came h-home. I tried to fight him. But he- I just wanted to-" Renjun's voice spilled into gasps as more tears started pooling from his eyes. "I-" he sobbed brokenly, hand coming around him, clutching Xuxi’s own tighter and now the man came forward pulled him into his arms and hushed him.

"Hey, hey. It’s okay- You can stop- It's okay, breathe," he whispers into his ear and Renjun clutched the elder’s hands. "He can't hurt you anymore. I'm here," Xuxi mumbled, rocking Renjun in his arms. "I'm here." Renjun clutched his hands so hard his knuckles turned white and Xuxi had to untangle his, rub over Renjun’s knuckles with his thumbs. “I’m sorry- Please- It’s okay. It’s okay. I promise,” he hushes to his ears as Renjun started to shake, sob. “Shh, baby- Shh-“ he rocked him gently, pulled him closer, “I’m here- I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”

Xuxi sunk onto the floor again when Renjun had fallen asleep, leant his head against the bed and stared at the ceiling, mind racing with his current emotions. He rubbed his fingers into his stinging eyes as he tried to calm his own breathing. In that moment two dominated all the others and they manifested into… He clenched his jaw painfully. He lift his hands again, covered his eyes as his body tensed, as he continuously forced it to relax, breath getting heavier as the words replayed in his mind.

All he wanted was to see Renjun happy and healthy again. And he prayed, prayed to the God that may or may not be out there somewhere, that he’d never meet that asshole, because for all the good Xuxi has ever done in this world. His hands balled into fists and they shook as he sat there in silence.

He’d kill him.

-

Renjun told him the rest of the story in the following days and it was like fuel to the fire that ate at his insides, spread to every inch of his sanity. 

The only thing that seemed to keep him tame, was Renjun himself. The man was up and about now, cleaning and cooking even though Xuxi insisted he didn’t have to. 

Renjun simply smiled excitedly, pushed over the dish he’d prepared for Xuxi with the words. “I want to. Now try this!” he exclaimed, holding up a piece of chicken between chopsticks. Xuxi’s turmoil filled heart melted at the gesture. He could never say no to Renjun. 

The following week passed much like that. Xuxi returning home from his part time job at the bar to a home cooked meal and Renjun prancing around in one of his shirts. Once he had come home to find him drawing on the couch, brows furrowed in focus as he held his sketch book. This is the first time he had seen it since…

“You’re drawing.”

Renjun looked up, smiled. Xuxi returned it warmly. “Xuxi-“ he nodded, want to see?”

He ended up in his lap, presses close as he continued to fill the page with butterflies and Xuxi just silently watched him for the following hour.

“I should get you new clothes,” he started one evening, eyes trailing down Renjun’s exposed thighs. The bruises had faded considerably, making way for the clear skin beneath. “You can’t keep wearing my shirts.” 

Renjun nodded lightly as he pulled down the shirt, cheeks dusting a pretty pink as he pulled his legs up. 

Xuxi laughed softly, head turning back to the movie they’d been watching. It was cute that Renjun still got shy even though Xuxi had been his stay in nurse for the better part of a month now. 

They didn’t touch up on the subject. Even when Xuxi’s hands lingered a second longer than actually needed. He had discovered every nook and cranny of Renjun’s body. The man always observed him quietly as Xuxi’s eyes trailed down the expanse of his skin, skin he longed to kiss, longed to taste, to feel against his, but he knew that was selfish, settled for Renjun falling asleep in his arms every night. 

Some would call it torture and in a sense it was, but seeing Renjun in that phone booth was a nightmare he never wanted to relive. 

-

“Xuxi?” 

The sudden call of his name pulled him from his crowded thoughts. He blinked, eyes trailing to Renjun. The man frowned. 

“You’ve been spacing out a lot lately.” 

“Ah-“ Xuxi let out, brows furrowing and his eyes trailed back to the ground a moment later, “-sorry.” 

Soft rustling fills the air a moment later and he blinks surprised when he sees Renjun’s frame come into view, the man slipping into his lap slowly. There is a sad glint in his eyes as he rests his hands on Xuxi’s shoulders, caresses before he speak again. 

“Don’t be so worried,” his hands slip up, wrap around the wide shoulders, around his neck, “I’m here with you now.” He rests his head against Xuxi’s before he whispers. “Come back to me.” Xuxi’s brows furrowed again, but this time in confusion. He wanted to ask what Renjun meant, but before he could the man continued. “It’s not your fault. It could never be your fault. There is nothing you could have done.” 

Xuxi’s eyes widen a tad and when the question falls his voice is hoarse, comes out strained. “What?” 

Renjun smiles tenderly. “I know you want to be strong for my sake, but I can see what it’s doing to you. I can-” He takes a breath, runs a hand over Xuxi’s head slowly, “-because, I’ve been through it as well.” He cupped Xuxi’s face then, the latter’s breath coming out in fast, short puffs. “Xuxi... Baby...,” he whispered, voice oh so soft. “It’s okay to cry.” 

It’s silent for what seems like a long moment, seems like time stops as Renjun looks at him with worry in his eyes. Xuxi’s lips quiver ever so slightly before the lump in his chest bursts. 

Renjun saddens more when tears form on his lashes and silently run down his cheeks, his breath gradually catching on. 

“Thank you,” Renjun whispers into Xuxi’s ear after he pulls him closer, hugs him with his head in the crook of the large man’s neck. Xuxi’s arms come up and wrap around Renjun slowly, hides his tears in the warmth of Renjun’s neck, grip tightening when the smaller whispers. “Thank you for feeling my pain.” 

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

Fullsun: “@Xuxi istg it’s almost been 2 weeks. Wtf are u?“

Lele: “What the fuck are you? Isn’t he human?”

Sungie: “*where the fuck. Lele.”

Fullsun: “...”

Mk: “Easy baby.” 

Nana: “Auw~ @mk called @fullsun baby @nono”

*Nono is online

Nono: “Auw~ “

Fullsun:” istFUCK!!”

Lele: “LMAOO”

Sungie: “lol”

Mk: “...”

Fullsun: “sorry baby.”

Nana: “;-;-;-;-;-; I want what you two have.”

Nono: “Auwww cute.”

Mk: “Guys...”

Nana: “Kekeke.”

*Xuxu is online

“Hey guys.” :Xuxu

Fullsun: “Finally! Xuxi! Where have you been?! Why are you ditching us??”

“I’m not ditching you.” :Xuxu

Sungie: “You kind of are X.”

“Sorry. Something came up and I’m dealing with it right now.”. :Xuxu

Nana: “omg are you okay??” 

“A lot better now tbh...” :Xuxu

Nono: “That bad huh?” 

Fullsun: “Shit. Sorry for being so mean.“

“It’s cool.” :Xuxu

Lele: “ :( “ 

“Please don’t be sad Chenle.” :Xuxu

Lele: “ :(((( “

Sungie: “Will we still see you this week? we planned this so long ago. will suck if you dnt come.”

“Yeah... I’ll see what I can do. :Xuxu

Lele: “ :D “

“ :) “ :Xuxu

Mk: “Don’t push yourself if you can’t Xuxi.”

“I know.” :Xuxu

-

Mark: “You sure you’ll be alright man? “

“Not 100% but better than the last month.” :Xuxi

Mark: “Does it have something to do with Renjun?” 

“...Yeah.” :Xuxi

Mark: “How bad?”

“Really bad.” :Xuxi

Mark: “Want to talk about it? You know I am   always here.”

“Thanks man, but no. It’s something we have to deal with together.” :Xuxi

Mark:” I respect that, but take it easy man. I’m worried. Have never seen you like this. Look after yourself.”

“I will. Thank you.” :Xuxi

Mark: “Always.”

-

Hyuckie: “Baby are you mad at me?”

“No.” :Mark

Hyuckie: “Can I come over?”

“No.” :Mark

Hyuck: “:( But baby.”

“I’ll be there in 5.” :Mark

Hyuck: “Oh...”

“ :) <3 “ :Mark

Hyuck: “... :) <3 “

-

“Everything, okay?” Renjun asked from where he was snuggled into Xuxi’s side. The bruises on his face were gone, only the small mark of the cut on his left cheekbone remained. 

Xuxi tilted his head slightly, ran his fingers through the disheveled hair. “Yeah. The guys were just asking where I’ve been and if I’m okay. 

Renjun hums as a reply, leans into the touch. They had grown more intimate the last few days. Xuxi crying had only been the start of a series of conversations that gradually ensnared their lives. 

“We can go see them if you want. I’m feeling much better.” 

“Are you sure?”

Renjun pulled away and Xuxi immediately missed his warmth. 

“Yeah,” he stretched, spine bending beautifully in the morning sun, “Plus. You get to buy me those new clothes. Now, come on!” Renjun yelled, swiftly smacking Xuxi’s crotch. The large man darted up, groaned in pain as he reached for it. 

“Injun!“ he bellowed, before scurrying out of bed to chase the culprit, giggles filling the air as he makes his escape. 

-

“How about this one?” 

The dressing room doors opened right after the words fell, Renjun revealing another of the many outfits he’s tried on. Xuxi took a slow breath. The grey sleeveless tank top graces his torso and the dark blue skinny jeans hugged his small hips like a dream. 

“Amazing,” Xuxi mumbled as his eyes trailed over the arms sprawled over the dressing room doors. 

Renjun raised a brow. “You’ve said that about every single outfit, Xu,” he walked out, ran a hand through his freshly trimmed hair. Xuxi is so whipped. "There is no way I look good in everything."

"You look good in everything," Xuxi deadpanned, "Or better yet," he pulled Renjun in by the hips slowly, "Even if something looked horrible. It would still look good, because you're the one wearing it."

Renjun's cheeks dusted a pretty pink and Xuxi laughed gleefully when the smaller man smacked his chest lightly. "Flirt."

"Where do you even get all this money to waste?" Renjun asked when the tall man was paying for all he managed to drag to the counter.

Xuxi hums as he takes back his card. “Mom and dad put money on my account every month. I usually only use it when I go out with friends… Had no other use for it,” he looks up and smiles lightly. Something blooms in Renjun’s chest and he smiles small.

“That is so sweet of you, but you should buy yourself something.”

Xuxi shakes his head. “Don’t need to. I already have everything I need. So I just-,“ he shrugs, “Save the rest.”

“Save the rest, but you’re giving out so much on me. It’s worrying.”

Xuxi laughs lightly as he gathers some of the bags. “It’s hardly made a dent in my finances. Don’t worry.”

Renjun’s brows furrow at this statement. “Xu?”

Xuxi looks over, hums curiously. “Why are you studying management?”

“To take over my father’s company,” the man replies easily and Renjun just…stares a moment.

“Company?” he slowly pulls the rest of the bags off the counter. “Your dad, owns a company?” Xuxi nods. “What-,“ he trails off, “What type of company?”

Xuxi smiles endeared before he replies, “A car dealership. Vision. I’m studying to take it over when I’m ready.”

It’s silent for a moment, Renjun casting is eyes down and when they come back up, he whispers in one breath. “You know you never seem to stop surprising me.”

He turns slow then, eyes trailing before he walks off.

“Injun?”

The man doesn’t reciprocate. Xuxi jogs to catch up with him. “Renjun? What’s wrong?”

“Just-,“ the man starts, brows furrowing. He lifts a hand with bags a moment before it drops again. “Processing.”

-

“Injun?”

A hum of acknowledgement.

“Did you have to leave behind the bear I gave you?”

They’d been walking around. Xuxi buying anything he thought Renjun needed. Renjun’s pleas of, “Please stop buying me unnecessary things,” falling on deaf ears until they eventually they ended up in the cafeteria, where they were having lunch and some slushies.

Renjun placed down his slush and frowned. “No… Actually… That day he…,” Renjun trailed off, Xuxi’s face fell. “Anyway… He took the bear and I never saw it again. I only managed to keep the tag with your number.”

Renjun was about to apologize for undoubtedly ruining one of Xuxi’s fond memories when he didn’t reply, but before he could the tall man rose to his feet. Renjun looked up confused.

“Wait here,” Xuxi simply said, followed up with an, “It’s alright,” when worry painted Renjun’s features. “I’ll be back.”

Renjun was still a bit confused as he watched him leave, slowly ate the rest of his lunch as he waited alone, but Xuxi still hadn’t returned by the time he had finished. This worried him once more. Should he not have mentioned the bear? Should he have said that, yes, he left it behind? The thoughts started seeping in and he fiddled with his hands. He wanted to go find him and still apologize, gather the bags and look for him, but then the people in the court around him started murmuring and his brows furrowed, head rising to turn before the booming voice came.

“Injuuuun!!!” Xuxi’s voice came from across the cafeteria. Renjun turned at the sound, mouth slightly falling open as Xuxi jogged over. He vaguely registered the people around him snapping pictures, but he was more focused on the large male that came to a stop before him. Xuxi has the biggest grin on his face, eyes crinkling as he looks down at Renjun, but again Renjun was more focused on the even bigger bear he’s carrying on his back. It’s so large, its head leans on Xuxi’s own and the man moves to the side a bit so it doesn’t fall, arms falling over his shoulders like a scarf and legs snuggly hooked as if Xuxi is giving it a piggy back ride.

Xuxi was carrying a light brown bear that was even bigger than him. He continued to grin. “Here is your replacement. It’s the biggest they had.”

Renjun sputtered. “Biggest?? Xu, are you telling me, you’d buy bigger than this one??”

“Ye,” Xuxi nodded enthusiastically.

“Oh my God,” Renjun let out, hands coming up and muffling the words as he tried to hide his blush, “You’re so embarrassing.” He looked up peeking through his fingers. “I love it.”

“Great!” Xuxi laughed so loud Renjun’s face became even hotter. “Because there is a, no return, policy.”

Renjun couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled out of him, eyes wavering with affection as he stared at Xuxi. He closed the gap between them then, wrapped his arms around Xuxi’s waist and hugged him close as he felt happiness soar in his chest. “Thank you.”

-

*Xuxu is online

Xuxu has sent an image. (Renjun asleep on his giant bear.)

 “It worked out well. :) We’ll see you guys this weekend.” :Xuxu

*Xuxu is offline

*Nana is online

Nana: “OMG!! @EVERYONE OMGGGGGG!!!!”

*Fullsun, Nono, Sungie, Lele, Mk are online

Nono: “OMGAWD ;-;-;-;-;”

Sungie: “Woaw.”

Lele: “ :O !!!“

Fullsun: “What the shit??!!”

Mk: “Damn bro. You go hard.”

Nana: “That’s so fucking cute!! What the FUCK!!”

Mk: “Jaem… Calm down.”

Nono: “Let him have this moment hyung.”

Nana: “I’m loding my mind!! Yooo! Jeno can I have one??”

Nono: “I’ll see what I can do. <3”

Nana: “Aaaah!!”

Lele: “LMAOO.”

Fullsun: “How come I don’t get a giant teddybear? @Mk”

Mk: “Bc I’m broke Hyuck.”

Fullsun: “Ah- ;-; Not even for the love of your life?”

Mk: “Love don’t fill this wallet.”

Fullsun: “Bitch!!??”

Sungie: “Oof.”

-

Xuxi’s friends had decided on dinner together. They claimed that, that way they could catch up with both Xuxi and Renjun, but Jeno also said that the food was delicious. 

Renjun had decided on another tank top, had grown quite happy with being able show off his arms, but now that he looked at himself in the mirror he sighed and decided he’d have to wear a jacket not to get cold, so he slipped it on. Just then the door to the bathroom opened and Xuxi stepped out, smiled as he took Renjun in. 

“You look nice.” 

Renjun pulled at the sleeves of his jacket, smiled small. “You look nice too.” Xuxi always looked nice, big and soft. Today he was casually wearing a white button down, the sleeves rolled up and the top buttons opened. He’s also decided to push his hair out of his face. Renjun eyed the beauty mark on his forehead before he spoke again. “Thank you. You look really handsome tonight.” 

Xuxi’s smile grew into a grin. “You think so?” he questioned stepping closer, closed the space between him and Renjun easily. 

“Don’t make me take it back,” Renjun blushed, face turning down. He could feel Xuxi’s eyes on him as he whispered, “You look really nice.” 

It was silent a moment and Renjun took a breath when he saw Xuxi’s large hand inch closer to his, long fingers curling around his smaller hand and grabbing it before his  other gently grabbed his chin, lift his face up. Renjun took another breath when Xuxi looked at him, head tilting as his thumb caressed his chin. His eyes fell to his lips and Renjun tenses a moment, heart rate picking up. Xuxi’s brown eyes trail up to Renjun’s again and his thumb caresses skin before he smiles lightly. “Let go, okay?” And all Renjun could do in that moment is nod. Xuxi smiles. “I must really look nice, yeah. For you to mention it three times.”

Renjun’s brows furrow before they widen in realization, cheeks starting to burn red. Xuxi laughs, a low rumble as he hovers close and Renjun scrunches his nose in annoyance, blush high on his cheeks. “Flirt!”

-

The drive to the restaurant is silent. A pleasant silence as they relax. Renjun is happy he doesn’t always have to say something, is happy Xuxi just lets him do as he wishes. It’s comfortable and it stays much like that until they reach the restaurant. Renjun can see the guys waiting near the entrance and a sense of excitement seeps into his bones at the idea of talking to them again. He opens the door when Xuxi turns off the engine, but halts when the tall man’s voice comes. 

“Injun...” 

Renjun stops, looks over silently, wind slightly blows into the car from the crack in the open door. “I... have something for you.” 

“Xuxi-“ Renjun pulled the door closed again, eyes morphing as he shakes his head, scolds, “What did I say about buying me unnecessary things?”

“It’s not unnecessary,” Xuxi whined, pouting. It made Renjun want to play with his cheeks. “I want to buy you things!” 

“Xuxi,” Renjun replied a little sterner, “No more gifts.” 

“Please,” Xuxi asks head tilting. “Just take it,” his voice fell to a whisper, “For me?” 

Renjun lightly bit his lip, sighed. “Okay. But this is the last time!” he added when Xuxi beamed. The man nodded happily. Renjun took a breath. “Now... What is it?” 

Xuxi smiled softly, blinked before he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small white satin bag. “Here,” He handed it to Renjun who looked at him, then back at the bag. “I know I’ve always gotten you gifts-,“ he continued to smile as Renjun opened it. “-But I’ve wanted to get you something like this for awhile now.” 

Renjun pulled out a silver chain and when he fully removed it from the bag a small light blue tear emerged. It glistered even in the dim light. Renjun took a breath as he stared at it. “It’s beautiful...” he looked at Xuxi. “When did you-?”

“That day in the mall-,“ he looks at the necklace, “When I bought you the bear. I saw it in the jewelers and immediately thought of you...” he looks at Renjun again. “I’m glad you like it.” 

“I love it,” Renjun breathes, eyeing the way the tear spins slowly. “Would you-?” he looks at Xuxi, “Would you like to put it on for me?” 

Xuxi nodded silently, grabbed the necklace slowly and Renjun inched forward, hovered in his space, warmth spreading in his chest as he felt Xuxi clasp the necklace around his neck, neatly arranged it before he leaned away and admired it.

“How does it look?” 

Xuxi’s eyes trailed back up to Renjun’s. “Perfect.” Renjun takes a breath. “You look perfect.” Renjun smiles warmly. “Still not the last gift though,” Xuxi teased immediately with a grin before he exit the car before Renjun could even reply. 

“Xuxi!!” Renjun let out, eyes widening, follows the man’s lead. He closed the door and immediately made to run around the car as Xuxi laughed. “Huang Xuxi! Come here!” 

-

 The food is indeed delicious and Jaemin made sure to snap pictures of both them and the food from every angle imaginable. 

“Renjun! Xuxi!” The couple looked over before Jaemin snapped yet another picture. “Perfect!” he beamed. 

“Haven’t you made enough pictures?” Xuxi questioned, shaking his head as he stuck a large shrimp in his mouth. 

“Nu uh,” Jaemin shook his head with the syllables. “I have enough of you, yes. Buuuut,” there is another snap. “I don’t nearly have enough of Renjun.” 

Renjun laughed at this and then followed up with putting a hand under his chin and looked up, bat his lashes dramatically. 

“Ugh! Gorgeous!!” Jaemin exclaimed, snapping five more pictures in quick succession. “Honestly darling, how do you do it?!” 

The whole table burst into laughter at this. “Come on, Nana,” Jeno flicked his hand, called the man over, “That’s enough for now. Your food will get cold,” he smiles, eyes shrinking into crescents. 

There is one last snap before Jaemin lowers his camera, smiles back warmly. He scoots his chair closer to Jeno and finally started grabbing some food, Jeno helped him along. “Pictures of you will always be the best, though,” he whispered and Jeno beams, leans in to place a kiss on Jaemin cheek. 

Immediately a gagging noise came from Chenle as he dramatically hides his face behind a hand. 

“Oh, come on!” Donghyuck started incredulously, “You’re literally holding Jisung’s hand right now.” His hand came up a moment in his disbelief.

Jisung just slowly sunk his teeth into a chicken leg, shrugged. “This is my life now. I’ve accepted it.” It came out in the most monotone way Renjun had ever heard. 

“At least you aren’t with Donghyuck,” Mark inserted before casually taking a sip of his water. Donghyuck’s head snapped to Mark so fast. Xuxi choked on his shrimp. Renjun quickly handed him his own water as he coughed furiously, wheezed. 

“Mark Lee!” Donghyuck hissed and everyone else burst into laughter again. 

“You know I love you baby,” Mark smiled as he plopped a vegetable in his mouth before spitting it out a second later when Donghyuck dropped two ice cubes in his shirt, pinched his side with the fury of a thousand suns. 

“I give- I give- I give-,“ Mark uttered in rapid succession and Xuxi coughed again, laughed with tears in his eyes when Mark pulled a face. Renjun was worried he’d joke again, but he smiled then. 

“I missed you guys so much.” 

“We’ve missed you too,” Chenle smiled, “You too, Renjun.” Renjun smiled at the Chinese man. 

“Thank you, Chenle.” 

-

“Your friends are amazing,” Renjun said as he leaned against the wooden railing of the pier. The group had decided to take an evening stroll after their meal. 

“You’ve said that before,” Xuxi joined him. Jaemin and Jeno were walking down the stairs at the end of the pier, Jeno holding Jaemin back when he tried to go further. Chenle and Jisung were using the binoculars, while Mark and Donghyuck were on the other end. Donghyuck was seated on the railing, Mark’s hands firmly around his waist as he stared up at him. They’re having a conversation. 

“Well they are,” Renjun continued as he stares at the couple. Donghyuck’s fingers sunk in Mark hair. 

“They are your friends now too.” 

Donghyuck leaned in, and Mark met him halfway, their lips locking in a deep kiss, Donghyuck’s hand coming up to hold Mark’s face. Renjun looked away. “Did you never feel like the odd one out?” He shivered as the wind picked up, blew through his hair. Yeah the tank top hadn’t been a good idea. 

“Nah,” Xuxi answered pushing himself off the railing. He placed his hands on either side of Renjun, who looked up at him silently as he leaned in. “Cold?” 

“A little,” Renjun whispered and Xuxi’s arms wrapped around him just as slow. “They’re all couples,” Renjun continued as he inhaled Xuxi’s familiar cologne. The tall man hummed in affirmation, looked at his friends. There is a silence before Renjun asks again. “Are you sure you weren’t lonely?” 

Xuxi’s eyes trailed back to him. The wind whirred through his hair a bit as his eyes darkened. Goose bumps erupt over Renjun’s skin when Xuxi’s tongue peeks between his lips as he licks them, eyes flicking down to Renjun’s own. “If I say yes...” his eyes come up again, “Can I kiss you?” 

There is another silence as Xuxi looks at him and Renjun takes steady breathes before he replies in a whisper. “I’d let you kiss me regardless.” 

His eyes flutter shut when Xuxi surges forward in the next second, locks their lips in a searing kiss. Renjun gasps into it, a hitched breath that runs through his whole body. 

Xuxi took a breath all the same, sunk down a bit more to slowly lick over Renjun’s bottom lip. The man gasps lightly and Xuxi can’t help himself, snakes his tongue into his mouth and shudders when Renjun visibly melts in his arms. He’s soft, sweet, nothing like Xuxi imagined, so much more. A hitched breath leaves Renjun’s throat when Xuxi gently sucks at his tongue, nibbles at it with his teeth before he releases it, kisses Renjun full on the mouth. 

Renjun’s hands skim over his chest, run over his wide shoulders shakily, knead them. Xuxi shifts, leans in more and Renjun’s soft hands grab onto his nape when he kisses him again, presses their lips together in a hard kiss. Xuxi pulls away for but an inch and Renjun looks at him through lid eyes, open and beautiful as they breathe each other’s air. Xuxi takes a breath of disbelief, one hand coming up to cup his face, thumb running into the flush skin of his cheek as his other hand presses Renjun to his frame. 

He kissed him once more, brows furrowing as he savored the taste before he kissed the corner of his mouth, his jaw, trailed further down, Renjun’s soft gasps only fueling the fire that was burning within him. His large hand trailed up, sunk into Renjun’s hair and tilt his head back as he pressed a soft kiss behind the smaller his ear, took a breath. “Renjun.” 

Renjun shuddered in his hold, shuddered as Xuxi kissed down his neck slowly, breath becoming ragged as he licked at the skin. He couldn’t get enough. It was already addicting. If he could taste more. Just- 

“Get a room!” 

Xuxi’s head shot up at Chenle’s voice. Their friends were walking down the pier. They seemed to have had their fill. Jeno and Jaemin giggled together, Mark trailing behind them, fingers twined with Donghyuck’s. The man gave a curt nod, a small smile. 

“Xuxi?” Renjun’s voice comes out breathlessly and he looked down at the man in his arms, his own breath stuttering a bit at the sight of him, at the sight of his flushed cheeks, of his hazy eyes, of the way he breathed through his slightly parted lips, at the way he looked at Xuxi. 

Xuxi sucked his bottom lip between his teeth, took another breath when Renjun’s eyes fell to his lips. “Let’s... go?” 

-

It was as if a dam had broken. The water that spilled out seemed to be never ending. He desperately tried to stop it, tried to calm himself down. He had thought that the drive home would have helped, but when Renjun inched his hand closer he had grabbed it on instinct, his own wrapping around it securely. 

He had tried to think about the teasing their friends had done after they returned to the group. The food, the jokes, that one time he thought salt was sugar. Even discovering Renjun in the phone booth, but the rage only fueled his desire. 

He had splattered cold water onto his face for the third time when the bathroom door opened quietly. 

“Xu? Are you okay?” Renjun had discarded his jacket, smooth arms on display for Xuxi to see, to admire amongst his fair frame. “You’ve been in here awhile.” There is a pause. “Did I do something wrong?” 

“No- No- Of course not,” Xuxi is gripping his smaller hands in the next moment, hands coming up to cup his face in the next. “You’ve never done anything wrong, baby.” He ran his thumbs over Renjun’s cheekbones, “You could never do anything wrong- I- It’s me- I-“ 

“You want to touch me,” Renjun whispered looking up at him. It wasn’t a question. It was a statement and Xuxi felt his chest tense. 

“Yes,” Xuxi forced. “So badly- But I know I shouldn-“

“Touch me.” 

Xuxi’s words died in his throat and he shook his head, confessed. “I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop if I do.” 

It’s silent again and a soft smile graces Renjun’s lips. He comes up tentatively, slow onto his tiptoes and pecks Xuxi’s lips. “I wouldn’t want you to stop, Xuxi.”

Xuxi doesn’t say anything a moment, but Renjun willingly comes closer as the arm around him tightens. Xuxi still seems unsure... “Can I?” he whisper asks and Renjun’s smile grows, cups his face and guides him down, kisses him slow. 

“Yes, you can. You have my consent.” 

Xuxi’s grip tightens more and his head comes to rest against Renjun’s as he looks into his eyes. His voice is hoarse when he whispers. “I’m going to worship you.”

Renjun won’t deny the fear he felt when Xuxi kissed him, kissed him so passionately it felt like it seeped over him like a slow breath, he won’t deny it, his fear of what would happen, but as the man kissed him, held him, he slowly felt that fear slip away, felt himself let go as hands caressed his skin, as lips trailed down his body. 

Xuxi cups his cheek tenderly, kisses him softly. “Tell me if you want to stop?” 

Renjun took a stuttering breath as he lay in the soft sheets, eyes wavering. He did want to stop... but as he looked into Xuxi’s eyes he didn’t, instead nodded and felt his heart start to beat rapidly when Xuxi’s hands gently skimmed up his shirt caressed his skin. He bit his lip and closed his eyes, but immediately regrets it when a face painted across his vision. He gasped, trashed and Xuxi pulled back immediately, worry washing over his handsome face. “No- I-“ 

“Renjun?” 

Xuxi hovered, but his hands retracted and Renjun took a shaky breath before he reached for them himself. “I’m okay- I just-,“ he ran his fingers over Xuxi’s knuckles, looked up at him. “Can I? Instead?” 

Xuxi’s eyes widened a tad in surprise, but he nodded a moment later. “Of course. Anything you want, Renjun.” 

Renjun’s grip tightens on his hands and he suppresses his tears, instead he comes up, comes onto his knees and cups Xuxi’s face. The man looks at him silently and Renjun takes a moment to hold him, to press their heads together before he kisses him slow. Xuxi gives so easily, allows himself to be guided back, smiles in apology when he breaks the kiss. 

“Want me to lie down?” he whispers, because he would fall off the bed if Renjun kept pushing him back. Renjun nods shy and Xuxi caresses his cheek with a smile, shifts to lie down and then he waits. 

Renjun takes a slow breath as he looks at him, he can see how tense Xuxi is, how he reacts when Renjun sinks down onto him, straddles him. The smaller man admires Xuxi, looks at him before he slowly reaches down, unbuttons the buttons of his shirt one by one and pulls the fabric open, over his shoulders. Xuxi watches him silently, rises so the garment can be properly discarded before he falls back again. 

“I’ve never done this before,” Renjun whispers as he runs a hand down Xuxi’s peck, over his abs. 

“Take your time,” Xuxi replies soft. Renjun looks up and the man smiles. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

Renjun breathes a soft laugh, eyes casting down before he slowly removes his own shirt, his necklace falls down against his chest and it suddenly feels heavy. Xuxi’s eyes on him are fire, and goose bumps erupt over his skin as he sits on him, leans in again. “You can touch me,” he whispers, guides Xuxi’s hands up and onto his hips. “It’s better when I see you.” Renjun feels Xuxi tense under him. “What’s wrong?” he asks to his lips. Xuxi bites his own, Renjun feels his hand run down his back, fingertips trailing his spine. 

“That’s sexy... hearing you say that... is sexy.”

Renjun breathes another laugh and kisses the man, allows himself to enjoy it, keeps his eyes open to look at Xuxi, to watch him run his hands over his skin. He doesn’t know how long they keep at it, but Renjun sees Xuxi’s face, relax, jaw becoming more tense as his eyes darken, feels him grow harder until Renjun whines his hips down against the strained cock. 

Xuxi hisses, hips twitching up, but Renjun feels him immediately tense again, force himself down. “Does that feel nice?” he asks and Xuxi groans when he whines his hips again, gasps softly at the throbbing member. 

“Renjun,” Xuxi groans, hands on his hips. “Feel-“ he groans again when Renjun repeats the action. 

“Feels good,” Renjun whispers, kisses Xuxi. The tall man nods, licks into his mouth repeats the words. 

“Feels good.” 

“Do you know how-?” Renjun asks then, looks down at himself. Xuxi smiles, nods. 

“Yeah- I have lube-“ he leans up a bit, reaches for the nightstand table and pulls the drawer open. “I have condoms too.” 

Renjun watches as he places the items down on the bed. He’s lost in thought and when Xuxi asks what’s wrong, the words fall.

“Who was your first?” 

Xuxi seems surprised by the question, but he smiles, caresses Renjun’s hip before he replies. “Mark.” 

“Mark?” Renjun blinks surprised. “But-“ 

“He’s my best friend. We were messing around,” he shrugs lightly. “It was fun.” 

Renjun hovers another moment. Xuxi waits. “Will you show me then?” 

“Of course, Injun,” Xuxi smiles. “Do you want to do it yourself? Or do you want me to-?” 

Renjun looks down at him, silently a moment before he slowly undoes the button of his pants, Xuxi follows the action, eyes snapping back up when he finally replies. “You can... I trust you.” 

Renjun watches Xuxi closely as he pours lube on his hand, rubs it over his fingers, his heart is going a mile a minute. He’s removed his pants and sits on Xuxi bare naked now, doesn’t miss the way the man looks at him. 

It’s tense at first, but Renjun tries to relax as Xuxi’s other hand lightly kneads his hip, his thigh as his finger slowly massages his hole. “Relax,” he simply whispers and it takes a bit, but Renjun gives in, hand coming to hold onto the one Xuxi has on his hip. He gasps lightly when he’s breached, keeps his eyes on Xuxi when he feels fear bubble back up and the man holds his eyes, works him open slowly with hushed whispers of, “Good. Just relax. You’re doing great, Renjun.” 

There is a point where Renjun looks down, sees Xuxi’s hand disappear under him, the sensation of his fingers slowly massaging in him washing over him and he shudders, clenches. Xuxi’s fingers halt a moment before they continue and when Renjun looks at him he sees the way the man’s dark eyes trail up to him. Something hot spreads in Renjun’s chest and he swallows hard as he focuses on Xuxi again, sighs. 

The man is so patient with him, and Renjun is panting, his own cock hard and smearing against his stomach when Xuxi finally stops, whispers. “You’re ready.”

The words make Renjun shudder, hips tensing as the pressure in his abdomen lowers. He looks down as Xuxi pulls his lube coated hand back. “Yeah?” he asks in a breath and Xuxi swallows.

“Yeah.”

“Now we can?” he continues to ask in the same voice and Xuxi is silent, clears his throat. “Xuxi?” Renjun whispers low now, the hands on his stomach caressing. “Do you not want to?”

Xuxi shakes his head. “I do,” he forces a smiles. “You’re just-“ his eyes trail down Renjun, down to the tear that dangles against his chest. “So beautiful…”

Renjun takes a deep breath, smiles before he comes forward, kisses him full on the lips and when he breaks the kiss he shifts back, down and Xuxi’s hips twitch when he watches Renjun unclasp the button of his pants, fingers hooking in the seam and tugging. “Come on,” he whispers when they stop on his hips.

Xuxi slowly lifts his hips, eyes Renjun silently and throbs when the man looks at him. Renjun takes a sharp breath, heart in his throat when he sees Xuxi for the first time.

“We can stop if you want to,” Xuxi whispers, though he throbs at the sight of Renjun. The man shakes his head, crawls forward and Xuxi, curses lowly as he grabs a condom.

“How do I?”

Xuxi groans as he comes up, grabs the packet and kisses Renjun before he drags him forward. A surprised sound leaves Renjun’s throat as Xuxi licks into his mouth, eyes the large man curiously when they break apart. “You’re so fucking cute,” Xuxi breathes and he kisses the smile from Renjun’s lips.

“We really don’t have to,” Xuxi forces again when Renjun has helped him roll on the condom, strokes him slow. “I’m-“ his hips twitch, “I’m okay with just this.”

Renjun smiles, shifts and crawls back over him, kisses him slow and Xuxi, kisses back just as slow. Renjun stops with his lips to Xuxi’s as he straddles him, eyes opening. “Xuxi,” he whispers and the man’s eyes open. They are breathing each other’s air and Renjun kisses him, leans his head to Xuxi’s as he whispers. “Look at me?”

Xuxi’s breath hitches as he feels the smaller hand around his cock, feels Renjun shift and he openly sees the desire in Renjun’s eyes when his cock breaches, a deep moan spilling from his own lips. Renjun clenches, gasps and Xuxi openly moaned when Renjun lowered himself onto his shaft more. Xuxi holds his eyes, hands coming to caress and knead lightly in appreciation, in worship. Renjun’s face wavered, hand coming to hold onto Xuxi’s shoulder and he groaned.

“Renjun,” he moaned low and Renjun kissed him deeply, sighed against his lips as he tangled his fingers in Xuxi’s hair. Xuxi groaned when Renjun lift his hips, slowly inched them down. His own hips twitched and his feet plant flat into the bed as his abdomen pulled tight. 

“You’re so big,” Renjun breathes, kisses him again. Xuxi is losing his mind, the slow drag running up his spine and making his toes curl. “So big, Xuxi, but you don’t hurt...” he gasps, “You feel so good.” 

Xuxi can’t help himself when he kisses Renjun back hard and passionate, comes to sit up. Renjun doesn’t protest, wraps his arms around Xuxi’s neck and cradles his head. Xuxi groans deeply when Renjun slips down more and Renjun gasps when he can openly feel the man throb. He pulls away, wipes the sweat gathering on Xuxi’s brows and eyes him softly, though his heart is pounding. He slips down more, holds Xuxi’s eyes and the man shakes as he takes him in more until he rests down fully. 

“Xuxi,” he whispers and he can hear the man’s labored breaths, feel how his hands, shake in place on Renjun’s skin. He whines his hips, caresses Xuxi’s scalp, “Xuxi.” 

The man shudders beneath him, yet he doesn’t move, looks at Renjun and ... waits. Renjun takes a breath, eyes wavering, something flickers in Xuxi’s eyes, but before the man can ask, Renjun gasps on a soft sob. “I love you.” 

Xuxi’s entire frame tenses and yet he still doesn’t move. Tears form in Renjun’s eyes and he cups Xuxi’s face, rubs his thumbs behind the man’s ears as he whines down again, feels him inch up into it. “Xuxi- Xuxi I love you-Thank you- Thank you for everything- You- I love you-“ 

Xuxi sucks air in between his teeth, eyes closing. Renjun kisses him, makes him open his eyes, “I love you,” he whispers and grinds his hips down, gasps and Xuxi’s hands trail down his back, knead as he groans low.

Renjun looks at him with pleading eyes, presses kisses to his lips and whines down again. “Xuxi, I love you- Please- Take me-“

The grip on him tightens again, cradles him and Xuxi kisses him again, and when Renjun next whines down he’s met with a secure thrust that makes him gasp into their kiss. “Yes-“ he clenches and Xuxi groans. “Xuxi- Please-“ 

“Renjun,” Xuxi’s voice finally comes, shaky and hoarse, “I won’t be able to- If you say these things. I won’t be able to-“ 

“Don’t-!” Renjun gasps, kisses him hard and fiery and trails down his jaw, the side of his face, hugs him close and buries his face against Xuxi, lips close to his ears. “I don’t ever want you to stop-“ 

He feels Xuxi take a breath, face smothering into his neck, lips kissing the skin there and Renjun gasps softly when he hears the words. “I love you too. I love you with all my heart. I love you.”

“Thank you,” It drips with affection and he wants to pull away, look at him, kiss him, but instead he gasps, moans when Xuxi grinds up and the man beneath him grips him secure, large hands slipping around his thighs as he kisses Renjun’s neck, thrusts. 

Renjun’s grip tightens as well, holds him close as he moans into his ear, tears gathering in his eyes, running down his cheeks and it seems that with each new moan Xuxi drags it along, thrusts long and deep and Renjun shakes in his arms. 

“Feel good?” 

“Xuxi-“ 

“Feel good, baby. This is what you deserve-“ 

Renjun sobs, moans openly with his lips to Xuxi’s ear and the man peppers kisses to his neck. “You deserve this, Renjun.”

“Xuxi-“ 

“Renjun-“ 

“Xuxi-!” 

He tenses and Xuxi groans as he clenches. He blinks, frame sagging a bit before he pulls back, looks down with heavy lids. Xuxi looks between them before his dark eyes come up. “You came,” he whispers and Renjun’s cheeks tint an even deeper shade of red. Xuxi smiles, absolutely enchanted. “I love you.”

Renjun’s hand comes up to wipe his tears, but Xuxi grabs it, kisses it, kisses his tears, his lips , thrusts up and Renjun gasps when they shift, when he’s gently placed on the sheets, before the cock within him makes him moan. 

“Look at me,” Xuxi breathes and Renjun’s eyes waver when he thrusts. “Look at me,” Xuxi whispers and he cradles Renjun’s head, stares into his eyes as he thrusts again. Renjun’s mouth falls open in a moan and Xuxi’s kisses him deeply, kisses him as they start moving together. 

“I love you,” Xuxi breathes against his lips as Renjun shifts up, eyes glazing over. “I love you.” 

Renjun’s mind screams, body singing as kisses are planted to his skin, his moans are swallowed with kisses and he smiles, with tears in his eyes, runs his hands over Xuxi’s cheek just for the man to kiss it as well, kiss him again. 

“I love you, Xuxi.” 

The words fall from his lips endlessly, as they kiss, as they moan against each other’s lips, endlessly... as they make love. 

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

When Renjun stirs the next morning he’s enveloped by a soft warmth, strong arms wrapped around him as he breathes steadily. The memories of the past night come surging back and he can’t suppress a smile at the memory of Xuxi’s touches, his lips, his words. 

Plush lips press to his neck then and a nose runs into his hair. “Good morning,” Xuxi rasped and he inhaled deeply. 

“Good morning,” Renjun whispered, laced their fingers together and held the large hands close, did the same with their legs and took a moment to just lay in the larger man’s arms. 

“How do you feel?” Xuxi’s sleep riddled voice comes again and his thumb caressed Renjun’s hand. 

“Amazing,” he turned his head to smile at Xuxi, received one in return before he whispered. “I’m so happy.” 

Xuxi’s eyes wavered in endearment and he pulled Renjun even closer, held him like that for another moment. “Seeing you happy is all I wish for,” he whispers and Renjun rests his face against Xuxi’s. “Now,” Xuxi starts then, pulls away a bit, “What does my cute boyfriend want to do today? Movies? Gaming?” 

Renjun groaned. “It took you no time to call me that,” but he smiles at Xuxi, “How about we go out with the guys later?” 

“Flaunt you? Sound like a plan.” 

Renjun sniff, sinks back into Xuxi’s embrace, plopped his head against his chest and looked up with no desire to deny his words. “More snuggles.”

Xuxi smiled, seemed to want to say something, but right that moment his phone rang and Renjun let out a sound of sadness. Xuxi reassured him with a kiss before he reached for his phone. “Hyuck is facetimig me.”  

“Do you want me to move?” Renjun questions and Xuxi’s brows furrow in disbelief. 

“Get your cute ass over here,” he simply replies and Renjun laughed as he was pulled closer, a kiss pressed to his lips again before Xuxi answered the call. He was surprised to see Mark instead. 

“Morning, man,” the man’s voice came as he yawned.

“Did you facetime me the moment you woke up? I’m flattered, but why?”

Mark laughs low as he plays with his hair. “Wanted to check in on you. Also...” he tilts the camera down. “Hyuck is still sleep.” The phone reveals a sleeping Donghyuck with his face rest to Mark’s bare chest. He looks peaceful, happy. 

“You’re rubbing it in,” Xuxi accuses. Mark laughs. 

“Am I now? Good morning, Renjun.”

Renjun gasped slightly, cheeks coloring, but he replied all the same when Xuxi tilted the phone to him. “Good morning, Mark.” 

Mark laughed victoriously. “Is that why you called me so early?” Xuxi accuses again. 

“Ye,” Mark replies without a shred of apology. 

“I don’t know why I was expecting you to be better,” he shook his head and Mark giggled. “But since I’ve got you. Renjun wants to go out later. You down?” 

“Yeah. I’m down,” Mark yawned, teeth coming into view before he covered his mouth with his arm. “But first. Snuggles.” 

Renjun gasps happily and Xuxi laughs before he replies. “Say hey to Hyuck for me when he wakes up. We’ll see you guys later.”

“See you,” Mark replied before the connection cut and Xuxi dropped his phone on the sheets. 

“I like Mark,” Renjun declared. 

“Everyone liked Mark,” Xuxi scoffs, pulls Renjun close again, kisses his cheek. 

“They’re a cute couple.” 

Renjun smiled when Xuxi peppered kisses to his face. “Not as cute as us.” 

-

Mark absentmindedly ran his fingers through Donghyuck’s hair with a smile before he pulled up his own phone, opened the group chat. 

*Mk is online

10:34 AM - Mk: “Renjun wants to hang out. 3pm. Usual place. 

*Nono is online

12:30 PM – Nono: “Holy shit. Just like that?” 

Mk: “Have anything better to do?” 

Nono: “.... I’ll wake up Jaemin.”

Mk: “Now just ChenSung.” 

Sungie: “Don’t worry. I saw the message when you sent it. I’ll get Chenle there.” 

*Nana is online

Nana: “Good, Jisungie. Don’t be like us. Be responsible.”

Sungie: “... a lil too late for that.” 

Mk: “WHAT?!” 

Nono: “WHAT!?”

Nana: “HUH?!?!” 

Sungie: “Aight. Time for me to head out.” 

*Sungie is offline

Nana: “@Sungie come back here so he me God!!” 

Nono: “Wow... Jisung’s got game... Never imagined.” 

Mk: “Jeno- Please- I-“ 

Nono: “Listen- It happened. We just have to move on.”

*Fullsun is online

Mk: “I’m a horrible example.”

Fullsun: “...Bitch we been knew.” . “Mark just kicked me.” 

Nana: “I’d say you deserve it but“

*Lele is online

Nana: “Con- CHENLE!! Explain!!”

*Lele is offline

Nana: “Mother FUCK! I’m gonna kill them. I’m gonna kill them.”

Nono: “Okay guys. I think we need to deal with this. Jaemin is having an aneurism.”

*Sungie is online

Sungie: “Just let it go Hyung.”

*Sungie is offline

Nana: “Jis- RNAHSHAJAJAJAHAAHSEVRJIEI”

Nono: “HELP”

Mk: “It’s between you and God now.” 

Nono: “Mark-Hyung??” 

Mk: “Fighting!!” 

*Mk is offline

-

“So- Why are we here again?” Xuxi asked again. They had all gathered at a store, wanted to get some snacks before they went to hang around.

Jaemin lifted a hand. 

“Breath, baby, breath,” Jeno said soothingly. Jeamin took deep breath before he started. 

“Them!” he exclaimed as he pointed at both Chenle and Jisung with individual hands. 

“Hyung,” Chenle whined. “I told you! We haven’t slept together! Just-“ he trailed off. 

“Just what?” Xuxi asked surprised, his brows came up, head tilting. 

“You know-“ Chenle trailed off again. 

Jaemin sobbed dramatically, leant in Jeno and hid his face. “My babies.” 

“Don’t you have anything to say, Jisung?” Jeno asked the youngest. 

Jisung looked up from where he was leaning with his chin over Chenle’s shoulder. “I regret nothing.” 

“What have I done!” Jaemin slumped into Jeno more. 

“Wow,” Mark started. “Jisung does really have game,” he gave Xuxi a knowing look which the man replied to with a confused one of his own. 

Donghyuck who’d been silent up until bow suddenly looked around, blinked. “Uhm- Xuxi?” The tall man looked over at him curious. “Where is Renjun?” 

“Oh-“ Xuxi started, turned a bit. “He just went to get a-“ he froze, face falling as he looked over at the fridges were he last saw Renjun. It was completely deserted say for an old lady. His head whipped around. “Renjun-!” 

The group fell silent. Even Jaemin looked up concerned. 

“Calm down, Man,” Mark started smiled a bit, brows furrowing, “Maybe he just-“ 

“No- No-“ Xuxi cut him off, shaking his head as he broke from the group. “He doesn’t do that- Wouldn’t-“ Dread started filling in his chest as he jogged forward, eyes running over the area, but not finding him. “Renjun-?!” 

-

Renjun trashed with all his might. 

God- No- Please- 

He desperately tried to remove the hand from his mouth, clawing at it and reaching back to do any form of damage. 

“I was surprised when you ran away. Didn’t think you had it in you. But I guess faith wants us to be together. Huh, princess.”

Renjun shuddered as the smell of liquor penetrated his senses, seemed to seep even past his uncle’s sweaty palms. He clasped his leg on a nearly object, not even sure what it was, but trying as he may to hold them back.

“Stop that,” his uncle mumbled and the hit came so easily Renjun is taken by surprise. He had forgotten-

He groaned in pain, frame sagging as it spread down his spine, stung- Tears sprung into his eyes, but he refused to go back, refused to budge. Not after everything- Not after how far he’s come- Not after Xuxi-

One of his hands reaches out and grabs the air, reaches to see if he can find anything. The tip of his finger hooks against a lid, against another and he tenses to force the can free, forward, struggles to grab it frantically before he hurled it back with all his might. 

There is a grunt and then the clatter of the tin on the tiles, he gasps for air, voice coming a split second afterwards. 

“Xuxi!!” 

He gasps in pain when he is yanked by the hair, forces his name again. “Xuxi!!” 

“Shut up, bitch!” 

“Xu-!” His voice rips into a gasp, a cry as he’s kicked in the ribs, a foot plants on his spine. He groaned, clenched his teeth as all the adrenaline and pain made him lightheaded. Then there was a loud crack and shouts, the rattling and falling of items as they clatter to the ground. 

Renjun blinks hard, looks to the side and his breath hitches as he mumbles “Xuxi?”

-

Xuxi darted down the store aisles asking anyone if they’d seen Renjun. Mark was right on his heels. They had decided to split up to cover more ground when Xuxi insisted that they find Renjun immediately. 

“Does this have to do with what you didn’t want to talk about?” he pants as he tries to keep up with Xuxi.

Xuxi’s eyes darted around frantically. “Yeah-“ he stops a moment, shakily runs a hand through his hair as he tries to calm down. 

“Take it easy Xu- I’ve never seen you so-“

“Xuxi!!” 

The voice sounded into the air and Xuxi’s head darted up immediately. 

“That’s close,” Mark turned, but before he could move, before the second call of Xuxi’s name could come again, his large frame forced Mark aside as he darted down the aisle. Mark startled as he moved aside, broke into a run after his friend that turned down another aisle, large hand dragging the products on the shelf down. 

Xuxi’s knees ache with the speed he was using to sprint down the aisle, turned to another when he saw nothing, passed one without a second glance when there was yet again, nothing. 

He vaguely registered Mark trying to keep up with him and then he stilled when he saw him, frame stuttering as Renjun came into view with the next aisle. 

Time stopped for a moment. A cold heavy moment as he saw Renjun on the ground with a man looming over him. It was just a split second of realization that made all his memories resurface in a wave, Renjun shivering and looking at him in the dark. “Please- Don’t let me go back-“ 

Everything that he had so carefully tucked away, all the emotions that he had so carefully shoved aside came hurling back out in an instant and the first one made itself present in was...

Fury. 

He could feel himself moving, felt his frame shift and in the next moment his fist collided with the man’s jaw. The loud crack that followed only spurred him on as he repeatedly punched the face of a man he had never wanted to meet.

He could hear nothing, see nothing. 

There was just white noise as his fist kept colliding to bone, skin. His hand ached, skin burned, but he didn’t stop, couldn’t- 

Why? Why? D-

Then something was yanking him backwards and he thrashed, thrashed as he looked at the man. He had to- He had to kill him- 

“-xi!! Xuxi!!”

He was being held down? He blinks, the red seeping from his vision. Slowly the outside world penetrated his sphere and the sounds came in, the voices. 

“Xuxi!!”

His eyes snapped up at Mark and worry was etched into his friends face as he held him down. He looked to the side, noticed Jeno who was doing the same. 

Xuxi blinked a moment and when his mouth opened the first words that fell were. 

“Renjun.”

Mark removed his hands slowly as Xuxi stilled, scanned his face before he turned his head, looked to the side. Xuxi followed his eyes and the moment he saw Renjun in Jaemin’s arm’s he scrambled to turn. 

“Renjun,” he forced louder and the man looked up as he scrambled over the floor. Renjun opened his arms immediately, came forward and sobbed out when Xuxi cradled him close, flushed him close to his chest as they sunk down together. 

“Xuxi,” Renjun cried into his chest and Xuxi buried his face into his neck, his own tears finally starting to roll down his face. 

“Renjun,” he forced, frame shaking as he held the man close. “You’re okay- It’s okay- I’m here-“ 

He failed to realize the blood that was running down his hand, seeping into Renjun’s and his own shirt. “He won’t hurt you anymore,” he whispered and Renjun clung to him. “I promise.” 

Everything after that is just a blur. 

He remembers being questioned, remembers their friends hovering close, even his mother’s worried voice on the phone, but he doesn’t remember what he said, if he said much of anything. 

Mark took them home. He gathered that when he remembers the man asking if he’s okay in a soft voice. He had slowly looked up at him over Renjun’s sleeping head. 

Mark must have been here for hours. 

“Are you okay, Xuxi?” Mark repeats the question. 

“I’ve never wanted to kill anyone before,” Xuxi whispered. Mark didn’t reply. “I was going to kill him.” 

Mark runs a hand over his head, smiled sadly. “I know.” 

He leaves late at night, hunches near Xuxi and looks at him that way. That way he did when he had kissed him so long ago, that way he hardly ever sees anymore. He rubs over his head again, places his head close and Xuxi closes his eyes as he rubs his scalp. He doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t have to. 

He doesn’t know what time it is when Renjun wakes. Seems like the early morning, because the stars still dance in the sky. 

“Xuxi.” 

His gaze lowers to the man in his arms in silence. 

“Have you slept at all?”

“I was going to kill him.”

Renjun took a soft breath, eyes wavering. “I know.”

“Please don’t leave me,” comes Xuxi’s next whisper. “I can’t live without you. Please don’t-“ 

He’s just as bad- Just as bad as him- Just as cruel- 

“It’s okay-“ 

The words come soft as hands cup his face. “Look at me. I’m here with you now. Remember? It’s okay.” Renjun smiled softly “Come back to me, Xuxi?” 

And just like before the tears welled in his eyes, but he shook his head. “I- I-“ he stuttered, sobbed, but Renjun shushed him, shift up and pulled his frame close, cradled him as he had done many times before. Xuxi’s wrapped his arms around Renjun’s lithe waist as the man stroked his hair, thumbed away his tears. 

“It’s okay now. I’ve got you… Thank you.” 

Xuxi doesn’t know how long he cried, how hard. All he remembered is repeated whispers of kind words, of hands caressing him as he pressed his face into soft warmth, Renjun’s beating heart lulling him to sleep. 

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

“Enjoy your ride!” The lady said with a smile. 

“We’re not riding the lion this time,” Donghyuck said as he dragged Mark to a horse. 

“Oh, come on-,” Mark whined. 

“Dibs on the loveseat!” Chenle yelled as he pulled Jisung along. Jaemin pulled Jeno to a pair of pink fishes. 

“Better view,” he smiled but he knows Jeno doesn’t mind at all.

Xuxi sunk down onto the penguin, pulled Renjun into his lap with a smile. “This is where we first met. When your beauty captivated me.” 

“Stop being cheesy,” Renjun laughed smacking him lightly on the chest, but he smiled, flushed close and whispers, “I remember.” 

Xuxi leans his head close, closes his eyes as they move their heads together. The ride came to life and Renjun’s eyes opened, trailed down to watch it move a moment. Xuxi’s arm pulled him in close, secure. 

“You know,” Renjun whispers, he looks at Xuxi again, “You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.” 

Xuxi smiles as he replies. “You’re the part of me, I never knew I needed.” 

“I love you,” Renjun smiles. 

“I love you more,” Xuxi replied, placed his head against Renjun’s again just as the carousel rounded. The river came into view. 

There is a click and the couple looks up surprised. Jaemin grinned as he lowered his camera, Jeno’s head laid gently on his shoulder, a smile of his own playing at his lips. 

Xuxi laughs low, eyes trailing back to Renjun, his hand comes to run down his neck, fingertip trailing the silver chain around Renjun’s neck before ending on the tear. They rub their heads together before their lips lock in a kiss. 

-

ℭ𝔞𝔯𝔬𝔲𝔰𝔢𝔩

⊱ ────── {⋆⌘⋆} ────── ⊰

Fin

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