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[This picks up when Y/N and Tokoyami walk in to the apartment in chapter 14]
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“H-hi.” Tokoyami took a hesitant step towards Cece as the room cleared out.
She audibly swallowed around a dry tongue.
“S-sorry. I – I – um – I should leave.” He turned to walk back to the door.
A whimpered “No.” Halted his retreat.
“I shouldn’t be here.” He straightened his posture in a flourish of faux-resolve.
“Why not?” Cece asked plainly.
“Cece.” He sighed, slumping back into resignation.
She bounded around the sofa with a plea. “’Kage. I – p-please. I –” She turned away, clutching her hands to her chest when she realized how pathetic she must look; whispering hushed admonishments to herself. “No. Shit. Don’t be so stupid. Don’t beg. Don’t beg, you dumb bitch.”
Tokoyami stepped towards her as she muttered against the desire to beg him to give her a chance. “You know I hate it when you talk about yourself like that.”
“You say that, but you don’t act like it.” She looked as uncomfortable as she sounded.
He was taken aback.
They looked at one another for a long, silent moment.
“You’re right.” He finally conceded. “I don’t. Do I?”
She nodded a pitiless ‘yes’.
“I act like you’re too stupid to – to know – to know what you want. Don’t I?” He closed the distance a few shuffled steps more.
“You do.” She nodded again; still holding her clenched fists against her chest.
“Cece.” His shaky sigh punctuated the name dramatically. “I – you – do you understand that I’ve never – no one has ever – Fuck.” He balled his fists and delivered the words like they pained him. “I’ve only ever been there to satisfy someone’s fetish, or sick curiosity. The fact that I’m pretty unphased by shit, it makes it better for them. I don’t react, not in any way they can see, so the aloof, goth, bird-boy is just some glorified toy, and that’s fine. That’s the expectation. But you, you want more and that just – how am I supposed to believe that? How can you look at me and not be freaked out? I just – Cece. I don’t want to love you if you’re just messing with the ‘bird-headed-freak’!”
Cece studied the ground at Tokoyami’s feet. “I know we didn’t meet under the best of circumstances, I know I messed up, and I know if I’d have been a more honest person the program wouldn’t have caused so much trouble, but – ‘Kage – did – did I ever give you a reason to think of me as a liar?” Her small voice asked with genuine curiosity. She was doing what she always did: taking the blame for every roadblock between herself and the man in front of her.
“Cece.” He whispered with another step forward.
“No.” She held her hands up. “I’ve clearly done something to deserve this. To deserve how little you think of me.”
“Cece.” Another penitent whisper, and a step in her direction.
“I think I need to go to bed, Fumikage.” She turned in the direction of her bedroom and gestured to the front door with a flutter of her hand. “You can see yourself out, yeah?”
“No.” He grabbed for her upper arm, just in reach. “Shit.” He let go of her in a flash of panic. “Sorry. I – shit – Cece.” Every muscle in his body was on full alert, guilt coloring his tone; both for grabbing her, and making her feel the way she did.
“It’s fine ‘Kage.” She waved him off. “I get it. I’ll stop. I’m sorry I’ve kept this up for so long. I can’t even imagine how annoying it’s been for you. This girl who’s not even good enough for you always asking your friend about you. I mean, I know Y/N tells you I ask about you. I’m sure she does – tell you, I mean. I’m just so sorry.”
She looked dejected in a way he’d never seen in her before.
“Cece.” He whispered again, shakily reaching for her before catching himself. “That – that’s – it’s not – Cece –”
She went to step away, taking uneasy paces further from him.
“Fuck.” He groaned. “Cece. I – you have to understand, that is not what this is about.”
She stopped. “Then educate my ignorant ass.” She shot, more hurt than heated.
“I – you – You’re perfect.”
She tensed.
“Everything you ever said or did made me want to make you happy. I still want to make you happy. But I genuinely have no idea how being with me could make you happy.” He couldn’t even look at the back of her head. “I don’t even feel worthy of being near you. To breath the same air as you. To look at you, much less touch you. I just want you to forget about me. I want you to be happy. I want you to be happy, and – and honestly, I do not want to get hurt myself.” He switched gears. “I – this – this is the selfish part. I can’t even convince myself that this isn’t some weird joke you and Y/N have. I’m convinced that the moment I tell you that I want you too – so so desperately that you’re going to say ‘got ya’ and it’s just going to be some sick joke.”
“Maybe if you’d have shown up to that dinner years ago you’d have avoided all those experiences that made you feel so devalued.” She shot over her shoulder.
“I may have felt less like someone’s gross fetish, but I still couldn’t imagine the most amazing woman I’d ever met seeing me the way you did.”
“Do.” She corrected without looking at him.
“What?” He blinked, not sure if he really understood what she meant.
“I still see you as the sweetest, gentlest man.” She turned with the words, to face him, still looking completely morose. “The man who has a published book of poetry, under an absurd pseudonym, that no one knows about. The man who loves cute tea cakes and cookies, and picks up sweets for the people he cares about. The man who melts when you make tea for him. Who actually listens to pop music, secretly. Who has an adorably inexplicable fear of cats.”
“I could never even kiss you.” He rebutted before she was even finished.
“But I could kiss You.” She never lifted her head, simply spoke her mind with a desperate sigh.
His eyes went wide.
She kept her eyes on the ground.
“How do you do that?” He swallowed around a lump in his throat.
“What?” She looked up to his shocked face, surprised at the expression she found.
“Just put yourself out there. Act like its nothing to say things like that. You’ve always done that so easily, and I – I just – I don’t understand. It has to be – I – there – there’s got to be a script. This can’t be real. You – you wanting me can’t be real.”
“I’m as selfish as you are ‘Kage.” She offered as explanation. “You don’t want to get hurt so you push me away, but I want you – desperately – and I just want the things I want.”
He scoffed a humorless chuckle, and rolled his eyes. “You’re something else.”
“That’s one of the nicest things I’ve been called.” She winced at the bad attempt at self-deprecating humor.
“That just pisses me off.” He shot back.
“And you really can’t see why I adore you?” She sniped.
“That’s nothing special. It’s just – you deserve to know how amazing you are. No one should be making you feel bad. I – ‘something else’ – shit, that’s just – that is just me avoiding all the things I actually want to call you and it’s not even – I hate anyone who has ever made you feel anything less than perfect.”
“You including yourself in that?” She retorted.
“Very much.” He bowed his head.
She searched him desperately through the silence that fell – before frantically pressing in to his space with waving hands. “N-n-n-n-n-n-n-no! Cookie. No. That’s not what I want! I – I just –” She cut herself off at the realization of her proximity to him, but made no move to pull away.
He rose his hands to her shoulders, but resisted the will to clutch her; flexing his fingers in and out of fists.
“Can we stop this?” Cece finally asked sweetly; breaking another too long, stifling silence.
He quirked an eyebrow in question.
“We’ve said our peace. And – well – you’ve been breaking my heart for years. So while I can’t promise I’ll never break your heart, it’d only be fair at this point.” She pursed her lips contemplatively. “And I can promise you, without the shadow of a doubt, that I won’t hurt you because my feelings aren’t real. I wont hurt you because of some weird sex shit – I mean ok. that’s not true. I mean, I – we’ll have to talk about that.” She laughed. “But that – that’d just be physical pain! I – ‘Kage I just want a normal relationship with you. Maybe that means we’ll get our hearts’ broken. It’s possible. But I wouldn’t go in to this with anything less than an open mind and my whole heart.”
He let his hands rest on her shoulders. “I – I just – I don’t know.”
“But I do.” She pressed up on her tip toes to look him in the eye. “Can you please trust me? Just this once.”
“I – I – but – Cece.” The stutter lead in to her name, smoothly cooed.
She pressed a kiss to his cheek without warning.
He fully short circuited. Mindlessly pressing a hand to her cheek, the other still holding her by the shoulder. “I – I wish I could – I want to kiss you back.”
Her pouting look melted in to an epiphany. She pressed her lips to his beak with a giggle.
The hand on her cheek slipped around the back of her neck, pulling her in gently, to press her forehead to his.
“We’ll figure it out.” She cooed tentatively, pressing another kiss to his jaw. “Until we do, I’ll just have to give you twice as many kisses.”
“This is not how tonight was supposed to go.” His voice shook.
“But if you’ll have me, ‘Kage, let’s – let me make up for all this time I’ve spent pining after you. If – if it’s not enough and you don’t love me back, then its fine. When I leave Japan this time, you’ll never hear from me again.”
“Love? You – I mean – I guess I knew, it does make sense, but hearing it is something else altogether. I – Cece – I don’t even know what to say.”
“A ‘Yes’ would be my preferred answer.” She threw her arms around his neck. “Please.”
“I – I’m scared.” But his arms found her waist anyway.
“Me too.” She pressed a kiss to his neck, a shiver ran down his spine. “But just getting to be in your arms – the risk feels worth the reward, Cookie.”
He moved a thumb up to gently trace her lips.
“Wait!” She squealed. “Just to revisit that ‘something else’ comment: what other ‘things’ do you want to call me, exactly?”
He blushed, looking away.
“Nope.” She grabbed his beak, and forced him to look back at her. “Not getting out of communicating with me that easily, ever again.”
“Well – I – I want to call you the most stunning woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.” He smirked.
“Uh-huh.” She narrowed her eyes playfully. “Just that?”
His hand traced down her side, his tone dropping as his blush deepened – the pink hue to his beak growing. “I want to call you brave, and strong, and more than I deserve.”
“Oh.”
“You sound disappointed.” He mused.
“No – just –”
He cut her off. “You want me to tell you how sexy you are?” His tone only shifted fractionally, but it was enough to convey a world of want.
She scoffed, shoving at his shoulders, but his arms tightened around her: really showing that if she was really his now, he was going to cling on relentlessly. “Eh! You know what,” She grimaced with a grin. “maybe not while I’m in pajama pants and a sweat shirt.”
“You think I find you less sexy when you’re in my arms without a bra on?” He ask, genuinely confused.
She giggled, pressing her chest in to him. “So the short skirts were whatever, but no bra and I manage to seduce you? Was I really just playing up the wrong asset all these years?” Her giggle was stifles by his glance alone.
“You may be incredibly hot, but don’t mistake that as my main reason for giving this a shot. I’ve wanted you for so long because of how kind and compassionate you are, how happy you make the people around you, how easy it is to talk to you and –”
She pressed another kiss to the side of his beak, effectively cutting him off; giving him a cheeky look.
“But” he switched gears with a smirk. “yes. I mean no! You’re perfect: head to toe. But I – boobs. I am a ‘boob man’ and I hate that I just used that phrase.”
She giggled at his chagrin, pressing her boobs in to his chest.
“Stop that.” He nearly whined.
“Or else what?” She dared teasingly.
He thumbed her lips again, and she pressed another kiss to the side of his beak when his hand slid to the side of her neck.
His sigh encouraged her on; kisses trailing over his beak, across his cheek, and down his covered throat.
“I bet the skin here is so sensitive.” Cece whispered in to the fabric around his neck.
He hummed an affirmation.
“I want to lick it.” She purred.
He stiffened in response, but before Cece could pull away to even ask if she’d crossed a line he was relaxing in to her touch and returning the heat with a needy hand slid around the back of her neck, and fingers gently dug in to her lower back.
Cece pulled at the wrapped fabric, kissing around her own needy hands, as the man holding her dug fingers in to soft flesh and drawn muscle.
The first kiss to meet bare skin pulled a lewd sound from the stoic man that had Cece taking a moment to examine him.
“S-sorry.” Tokoyami stammered through a lusty haze.
“No. no! I – I just – I wasn’t expecting you to be so ‘responsive’.”
“Oh.” He drew away slightly.
“I love it.” She rushed back in, nipping at his exposed neck with a proud hum.
He hissed at the contact, groping at her ass and allowing her hands to roam over his body.
He reflexively ground forward, sharing his excitement, tossing his head back at the friction.
Cece pressed in to him, earning her a thigh between her legs that had her panting in short order.
“Fuck.” Tokoyami growled, scooping up the woman worshiping his exposed flesh; wrapping her legs around his waist.
“Cookie!” She panted. “Stop. I’m too – too heavy.”
A choked, shocked throat-clear broke the mood; both of them looking to the sound.
Shinsou stood near the front door with wide eyes. “Uhhh – yeah.” He nodded. “You kids – uh – have fun, I guess.”
Tokoyami turned his attention back to the woman in his arms with a growl “Are you in the first guest room?” Ignoring the intrusion as much as he ignored her protest of lifting her.
“The second.” She panted. “How’d you –?”
“It’s Hawks’ condo. I’ve been here a lot.” He moaned softly on the end, as Cece laced her fingers through the feathers at the nape of his neck.
He made his way to the room, hands on her ass and pants flowing from his lips.
He kicked the ajar door open, and kicked it shut behind himself, throwing Cece on to the bed.
His heat faded as he watched Cece sprawled out for him. Her soft features flushed, her signature space-buns in shambles. He marveled at the woman before him; apprehension bubbled from his core though.
She giggled up at him. “You don’t feel bad doing this in your boss’ house?”
When she didn’t get a response, Cece sat up, drawing her arms over herself. “S-sorry. Di-did I – did I do something wrong?”
“No. No!” He climbed on to the bed, kneeling before her, grabbing her hands in both of his. “I – this – its just – it’s too fast. I don’t want to fuck this up. I – I want to take this slowly.”
“Cookie –” She pouted. “We’ve taken this years-slow.”
“But that’s different – it’s just different. We haven’t been on the same page. What if we still aren’t?”
“So you don’t want me?” She hazarded.
“No no no! It’s not that!” He insisted, “I just don’t know if I’m ready to have sex with you.”
There was a beat of silence.
“No – I mean- I do!” He backtracked. “I literally want that more than anything right now! My dick is aching and you are so fucking stunning and the idea of getting to see you naked is making me feel dizzy! But – but I’m just not ready yet.”
“You done?” She cooed up at him with a smirk.
He shrunk away with a nod, sitting on his heals, still holding her hands.
“That’s ok ‘Kage.” She pressed in to his space and placed a kiss to his cheek. “But can we cuddle?”
He smiled with an affirmative nod, before nuzzling in to her neck, rubbing the cool bridge of his beak over the soft skin of her throat.
“You should still take off the belt and choker though.” She cooed.
He obliged, slipping his boots off at the end of the bed as well, before sliding in to the bed and wrapping himself around the woman he adored so intensely.