Work Text:
frankly speaking, chifuyu’s losing his mind.
he scratches his nape, and his pen scraps the paper, leaving an unwanted line; he erases and erases until his fingers grow itchy, and he averts his eyes everywhere but the materials and readings haphazardly piled on his desk.
his bed calls for him—so palpable that he can see the hand outstretched, and he imagines running around the walls to accelerate the force at which his head hits the pillows that will plunge into a deep concerning slumber.
the clock ticks; it reads 11.
he would’ve been ecstatic to see it be so early in the evening when the years of sleeping at dawn were his usual—would've been so motivated to change his life, so keen on doing things his brain in the afternoon would fail to even comprehend—but now, chifuyu sighs, dropping his head on his desk in defeat
he couldn’t concentrate for shit
he shifts and blows loose strands gently away from his face. rather than understanding the chemical makeup of his fucking hormones, his line of thinking compels him to impulsively research the amount of gel he can apply to his hair so that it can not only be soaked by his hair but also his brain—maybe that would finally make him absorb the information he actually needs to focus on.
there's a weight on his chest and a tightening in his head. chifuyu bounces his leg as he nibbles on the eraser of his pen. although he had long since broken the habit, his body seemed desperate to withdraw to actions that could serve even the littlest bit of distraction. every paragraph mellows into the next, jumbling into mere letters and syllables, not forming into the words that need to be understood.
he needed sleep; it was an understatement to boot, but he's barely burned through a quarter of his work; sleep was a priority, but he has since locked it away into the deepest recesses of his mind. he only deserves the rest once he's done something worthy of it.
maybe he should just run around his room until he's dizzy—let himself push the laps until he hits his head into the bedpost, or anything. is'nt that rest worthy enough?
he chuckles to himself, and realizes he's once again strayed away.
“fuck im going crazy,” he shakes his head as if the action could clear his head, revert it back to default. of course it doesn't work, he tries again anyway.
chifuyu stretches, takes a deep inhale of air, and leans back on his seat. his phone lights up, vibrating to signal a text received. he hesitates on checking out who it is. he didn't need another distraction, but at the same time, he knows a break is what his body calls for, but whatever tomfoolery his friends have up their sleeves—chifuyu's not sure if he can tune into them yet. it would be too much.
his phone dims, and his curiosity gnaws at him. takemitchy? mikey? kazutora? hell—maybe it was just his mother.
he yawns, and his eyes roam around, catching sight of the polaroids taped to his dresser, holding on to dear life with the way they lean heavily away from the surface. chifuyu trots over, palming the pictures back in place.
he presses the last film, but it catches on his hand and falls instead. rogue black hair and toothy smiles. eyes crinkled, stretching his face to its limit, a smile that can make the sun cower with its luminance, an arm around his figure mirroring the same joy with the grin his face also stretched out—a picture taken during his middle school graduation. the joy he felt that day was radiant and vibrant in the still image.
chifuyu flips it around and sees the masking tape losing its stick. he returns to his desk to replace it, smiling unconsciously as he remains studying the two figures in the photo.
in his gnarly handwriting, he reads the text below, ‘grad :) w/ baji !!’ he crinkles his nose. baji keisuke. his best friend, the one his heart yearns for.
this infatuation—he didn’t want to dwell on when or how things changed simply because the answer was already lost. it came to him so naturally that trying to trek back to its beginning seemed futile. chifuyu has tried, and it only brought him shame. baji simply became a different light, making him desire him in ways unfathomable. a heart and a person so easy to love.
above all, their friendship came first. he would keep it all to himself for the sake of the connection, but it's not easy. baji loves loudly, and it's hard for chifuyu to return the favor without risking too much of the truth. but that doesn't stop him from doing so; he couldn't. it's all he has left going for him.
kazutora once told him that he looks at baji like he built the road they walk upon. the shame from being caught so open-handed only affirmed what he has long denied himself. might as well own up to it. like a light chifuyu's straining desperately to view unfiltered, even with the warnings and signs that it could blind him.
it’s been so long , chifuyu thinks. that if ever his brain were to eventually take control of his emotions, he wouldn't know how to act anymore.
his phone lights up again, and again, and he sighs. chifuyu runs a hand through his hair as he ignores the vibrating device. he finally sticks the picture back to the wall and turns to his mirror to examine himself.
his hair points in different directions , as if pulled by forces driven to make him look as miserable as he feels. lips cracked and white. his black underbags weren’t foreign, but they were puffed and exaggerated the hollow of his cheeks.
“i want to fucking rest,” he rubbed his face rather harshly, and the burn left by his fingernails pricked him awake.
back to work, he whispers to himself. he turns his phone off and begs, fucking prays —god, he wasn’t religious, but if any deity might take pity on him, just please, please, at least let him finish this chapter.
an hour passed, maybe more—a day or two? but in reality, it was seven excruciating minutes. chifuyu slams his book shut, tucking it under his crisscrossed arms, and drops his head with a faint thud.
he couldn’t do it. he can't even force himself anymore.
his lids gain weight, inching closer and closer—if not for the staccato knocks on his door, he would've fallen asleep in his chair.
“honey, your friend is here.”
she knocks repeatedly, her voice soft, but the sound echoes louder by the silence in his room.
“should i let him in?”
who could even be at their door at almost midnight? chifuyu grunts, slipping into a jacket and a pair of blue character slippers.
“you’re still awake?” chifuyu asks his mother, still dressed in her frilly neon apron with a ladle in her hand, the smell graces his nose; he can point to soup— seaweed maybe?
“just finishing up,” she smiles and locks their arms as they head downstairs. his weak physique and closing eyes make her touch much needed, he leans to it and welcomes her warmth.
“you’re still not done?”
“just a bit more chapters.”
“arent you burning yourself out at this rate?”
“last, promise—i promise then i’d sleep.” chifuyu sheepishly said as he reached the door. she kisses his forehead as she separates from him, walking back to the kitchen.
chifuyu missed his opportunity to ask who's at their door. but with how she's willingly let him open it, he reckons it's fine. probably.
“honey, what’s baji’s choice of drink?”
“just soda.”
he opens the door, and there he stands under their porch light—looking so mellow, warm.
"oh, anything's fine."
baji grins , teeth snagging the light.
“honey, huh?”
“why—why are you here?”
“why can't i?”
“do you know what time it is?”
“clearly cause i caught you awake, you weren’t answering my calls.”
chifuyu turns away, “i was studying.”
“figured”
“then why are you here?”
his fatigue coinciding with the shock made for an unpleasant compound in his stomach. he's happy to see him, but he can't bring himself to smile—lest it turn to a grimace and throw a message totally different from what he was truly feeling.
“i wanted to see you."
he could've slammed the door.
—
“i’ll bring the drinks upstairs you go up ahead, boys.”
chifuyu hears her mother say as he ushers baji inside.
“just—just leave your coat there.”
chifuyu points blindly. he hears baji giggling in forced silence.
“are you staying?”
“i was calling you to ask if you wanted to drive around with me for a bit.”
they spoke in unison, and chifuyu turns to him quickly. it's the last thing he had expected him to say. baji raises his eyebrow in return. his own look of surprise mirrors chifuyus' as a smile.
“do you want me to stay instead?”
“no! i mean—i'm studying i can’t. you can stay but—wait,”
“that’s not an answer,” baji tilts his head, his hair gently swaying on his face. he cocks a hip and places an arm on it.
“shut up.”
“i’m waiting.“
“god shut up—just.”
“what if i don't?”
“fuck off—i just have so much to do i can't—i want to, but i can't join you right now.”
chifuyu’s whispering by the end of his sentence, he closes his eyes and rubs them. he wants to go, he really wants to. this wasn't the first time baji had come in the evening to whisk chifuyu away for a ride, in actuality, its a form of activity they've been doing for a while now. chifuyu would feel like he was a person after every ride, someone whole—alive, all beside the man he had come to cherish the most.
now the opportunity rises again, he knows to himself he deserves it, but—but he has too much on his mind. he can't handle whatever jinx would arise if he ever lets himself experience this momentary happiness.
the silence hung for a while. chifuyu had almost forgotten that they were conversing in the first place. he looks up and sees baji staring, a wistful expression on his face; he looks so young like that—head cocked to the side, lips almost in a pout. it's hard for chifuyu to look away.
“i’m sorr-“
“you’re coming with me.”
“what—i just said,"
“you need it.”
“it’s ok, i don't—i have to,“ chifuyu trails off. his reasons now all seem foolish, even for his tongue.
“‘fuyu, i know you and takemitchy are in the same class, i called him and he said you guys have monday off, it’s a friday night—you need to let loose for a while, are you even sleeping? im worried about you ‘yknow?”
chifuyu furrows his brows as he feels his cheeks get warmer.
“i haven't—” chifuyu bites his lower lip, "asked ma yet." he cringes at his tone, more so his pathetic excuse.
“you can go. i’ve been telling you to take a break anyway.“
teenage heads shot up to chifuyu’s mother as she spoke up, a small smile gently lining her lips. “you have my permission.”
chifuyu drops his head, trying to hide how his lips point upward.
“but—if both of you aren't back by 12:30, this will not happen again, d'you understand me?”
the sudden tone and change of her demeanor made chifuyu giggle; on most occasions, when it happened, he would pause, but right now, it made his shoulders shake. even baji had to turn away, reddening.
she tuts, “i’m serious,” she cocks her hips and points the ladle at the two teenagers before her, “are we clear?”
“yes mam, i’ll have him home by 12:30. you have my word." chifuyu hears baji cough to clear his laughter. then baji sends a gut-churning wink to his mother, to which he only gets a laugh in return.
"go change to warmer clothes first, it's cold outside."
chifuyu changes as baji silently waits outside his door. he switches to a long-sleeved black shirt and an ivory puffer. it holds up best, especially when baji accelerates and his skin begins to numb from the temperature. he repeatedly runs his hand to his hair, abusing his lips with his teeth to combat its paleness.
“come on,” chifuyu ushers him on, walking towards the stairs. he's too defenseless to pry the giddiness in his step away. chifuyu hopes it isn't too noticeable.
“nice sandals by the way.”
chifuyu looks at baji incredulously and trails his eyes down, doraemon stares back at him.
“oh go die!”
—
“you know you can lean on me right?”
chifuyu sputters, jerking back and rocking the bike as he does so, making him clench and grip the ravet tighter.
“i’ll be fine. we've done this before," he adjusts himself, locking his thighs tight, making sure every limb is close. he'll rock forward soon enough anyway.
as tempting as it was to just lean forward and fall for the offer, the most deviously tantalizing offer—god be damned that he’d take advantage of the situation just for some contact.
chifuyu looks in the rearview mirror, and baji looks at him back through it as if knowing exactly when his eyes moved. baji's helmet covered half of his face, but the crinkles in his eyes gave his amusement away.
"ha ha ."
"nervous?"
"i'm just not entirely sure why you thought its a good idea to this at this hour."
"well," baji looked away momentarily, "if you're uncomfortable, i can just crash here for a while y'know. it's ok."
baji's gentle tone shot a cool flick up his spine. there are unraveled words in the crevices of his sentence, compelling him further to reach out, to just—just hold him.
"i am comfortable, and i'm more than happy to go," chifuyu looks at him with utmost sincerity. he relaxes his shoulders at an inhale, "just a bit cold s'all."
baji looks back again, eyes deep and undecipherable.
chifuyu can’t help but admit defeat in his gaze. there was a time when he'd give all his energy—when he was younger, he'd resort to saying or doing stupid shit—just for the boy to look at him, give his attention to him. what was once a desire for baji to look at him as an equal grew into an urgent need, a selfish longing that only made chifuyu cower. the implication of such progression in his actions made him heady, realizing things about himself he didn't know were possible to feel, let alone to allow. funnily enough, letting himself nurture his love for baji made self-reflection that much more accessible. he wanted to be seen, to be looked out for. it was so easy to grow greedy for something baji bestows so ably.
baji’s gaze was analytical, chifuyu felt ridiculously small.
“what?” he acts nonchalant—tries anyway. he could never truly keep his cool before baji. there's a glint in his eyes and sincerity in his speech—it breaks chifuyu’s walls, the walls he spent so meticulously building, and with every word and smile, it crumbles. and the worst part is, chifuyu’s not exactly against it, no—not anymore.
“tell me if the cold becomes too unbearable.”
revving the bike to life, the lights shone upon the dark street. the engine barks noisily. baji twists the handles, warming the motor up. he sits upright, shoulders tight and hips balancing the bikes, knees closed in as he regains the balance of the motor with his legs.
"fucking show off." chifuyu snickers.
“well," another rev, and the motor sputters. baji begins in a tone almost humming, "hold tight."
his house vanished in a second. chifuyu exhales roughly through his nose, unknowingly keeping such a deep inhale at baji's sharp acceleration. he tightens his grip and breathes deeply once more. the darkness of his street was to blame on the lack of more than two streetlights in succession. visibility is low from where he sits, baji's hair almost reaching his cheeks. but baji only picks up speed, taking advantage of the empty road, and suddenly, chifuyu's boneless; the dark streets were welcoming them in seemingly an abyss of an endless drive. the bike is sleek and becomes one with the shadows.
the moon engages them in a game of hide-and-seek amongst the trees. they're treading the bank that accentuates their street. chifuyu sees their reflection in the wisping water. two gangly teenagers on a midnight drive—rationally it's dangerous, some might even say stupid, but under the curtain of light the moon lays upon them, chifuyu thinks romantic.
it doesn't feel like baji could get any faster, but he does. baji leans forward, and they gain greater speed; the lights reflecting on his helmet blur into lines, and the neighborhood disappears in his peripheral. chifuyu closes his eyes.
the speed makes his heart lurch up his throat, hands weakening as they grow clammy. this wasn't the first time they drove together, but this was the first time it was this—this reckless.
it could have been forever. his eyelashes fluttering in a hurry, fingers growing colder and colder. only him and baji in this space, the smooth sail of the bike and the night draping over them in solitude.
he bumps his head into baji's back, and chifuyu shoots upright. they're almost reaching the city—just shy of a few miles, he can tell by the bank thinning out on their side.
chifuyu's heart gives a final lurch as he feels the bike reduce speed, a beat of disappointment. they were reaching the train tracks that landmark the edge of his town.
baji kicks the footpeg to lean the motorcycle down, resting his foot beside it. baji opens his helmet shield and looks at chifuyu. the safety bars lower itself.
"so?" baji quirks an eyebrow, amused.
"a show off as i said," chifuyu exhales. he clasps his hands together and blows hot air into a small opening, "if your aim was for us to begin flying, there's a quicker way to achieve that."
"well, by going faster."
"no you—"
adrenaline still pumps lively in his veins. for the vehicle to halt momentarily does not mean that it, too, will begin slowing down. the train honks loudly to warn of its passage, and chifuyu lurches forward—like a cat with its fur standing like needles, rattled and instincts dictating it to latch on the nearest surface—the bike rocks as he wraps himself suddenly against baji.
time drowns with the roar of the train. the alarm signifying its end, passes him by—chifuyu's heavy breathing draws pounding in his ears, and his heart remains over-exerted as it jackrabbits. the cold breeze the train left behind made dust and grime dance in its wake, and even though it sped off in silence before them, motion took its time before returning to him. chifuyu doesn't know if baji can feel his heartbeat where he's pressed against him—he doesn't want to know, chifuyu couldn't bring himself to ask.
it's the lack of rest or the excess adrenaline—maybe both. he's jumpy and too impulsive— it feels as though the train was coming up to them instead.
chifuyu pulls back in haste. it's embarrassing for baji to see him in such a disgruntled state.
"fuck sorry—that just really surprised me."
"no." leather-clad hands gripped chifuyu's cold fingers, stopping its retreat, "keep them there." baji pulls it further forward, locking them around his waist.
baji keeps his hand enveloped on his own, as if waiting for chifuyu to jerk it back. chifuyu doesn't.
"i'll slow down," baji begins, "you're too cold."
chifuyu feels baji create gentle circles atop his clasped fingers. he wants to cry out.
"i'm fine with the speed, it's fun," chifuyu admits abashed.
baji searches his eyes. chifuyu fights a tremble. baji's gaze—unmistakable. the light of the rails sinks into them, emitting a rich halo to form around his irises. baji glows before him. beautiful.
"this ok?" baji says quietly as he peers before their locked hands.
chifuyu coughs and looks down. defeated yet again. "yeah."
"still cold?"
"a bit."
"alright," baji lowers his faceshield, jostling the motor back to a stand. "i know just the place."
baji gives his hands a final, tight grip before letting go. chifuyu, in all his selfish glory, misses it at an instant.
baji resumes the drive, retaining a respectable speed as they enter the city. the nightlife is a splash of warmth. there is a great bustle, a purpose further in the people still out and about at this hour. it almost seems like a celebration, inviting any onlooker to stare, but chifuyu could only ever look at him. hair dancing with the wind, baji is enough of a city to experience.
risks—he reminds himself, even as baji begins to rub his thumb across his knuckles. he wouldn't risk their relationship—friendship.
but—but chifuyu would let himself be selfish. for now. even if it was just for the night. please. even if it were just this moment.
—
“i know how you drive- but what the hell was that?”
“oh, c'mon you didn't seem bothered by it by the end didn't you?”
“you’re a shit driver,” it was a lie, they both knew
“oh give it up, it’s brand new! i need to show it off somehow,”
baji jogged up beside him, nudging his side with an elbow
brand new looked like a huge understatement, freshly sealed, rears polished sheen silver, windshield void of dust and grime, the glass was reflective in broad neon fluorescent lights, even the poorly lit restaurant frames can’t help but make it shine back at him, he can see himself- his face flushed out from the wind, hair unruly and unkempt
chifuyu was full, stomach brimming with oily noodles and cold soda, it filled his entire body with a pleasant buzz; he feels drowsy, the urban scape lulling him to the good nights sleep he’d been dreaming of for weeks, but at the same time he was still expecting, there’s still so much of tokyo he hasn’t seen, the streets seem endless with the shadows of 24-hour convenience stores and the streetlights on the bridge; the wind wasn’t helping his dropping eyes, but the air in his veins was keeping him awake, full of life and vibrancy his regular repetitive routine could barely give, the serotonin of the drive was keeping him awake, and through the fabric poster of the noodle house behind him flapping in his ears and the glaring lights poking needles in his eyes- looking back at the person who made this night possible, his hair riding the dawning wind, keeping his eyes dear to the bike before them and looking back at him from his shoulders, stretching his lips to a grin brighter than any night life he has ever seen chifuyu felt inevitable
“ready to go?” baji tilted his head to rest on his shoulder, leaning into the bike with one hand on his jutted hip
chifuyu looked down on his feet, beat-up sneakers fraying at the edges, and placed a hand on his neck and rocked back on his heels, “if you want- i mean, yeah, what time is it?”
“shit it's 12:17”
they both looked stupid, their bodies seemed to freeze even though they were frantically moving around as they try to get their lanky limbs on the bike
his mother’s words loomed on both of them, even as friendly and kind as she looks and as she was, her words were final, and even though chifuyu would rather walk than experience another over the limit drive, not being able to see the other makes him more anxious
“fuyu i know i said i won’t speed-
“its ok,” chifuyu looked up, though his eyes were dropping, he looked sure- determined even
“you sure?”
“ ‘s fine if i die im haunting you first”
“not if i die first”
“shut up and just drive”
“then don't hold there hold me”
“don't be stupid it's fine-“
“chifuyu”
“ok- ok fine,” chifuyu grumbled as his eyes cast down, he can feel his cheeks get hotter again, fuck that his hands were shaking, not from the impending drive- but from holding baji in proximity, again
“see that wasn’t so hard now was it” baji teased as he flashed him a devious smirk and revved the bike up
“god just drive or i’m walking there- wait!
the bike sped up, not giving chifuyu the space or the time to breathe, and soon he finds himself again just like before; the skyline was blurring past his eyes as his body focused on gluing his body on baji’s back; he was unconsciously tightening his arms every time baji made a sharp turn, but he knew they’d be fine, he trusted baji more than anyone in the world
“i’m going to get you for this,”
face buried on the latter’s neck, he mumbled knowing the other wouldn’t hear him anyway- not with him being a literal head taller, but the scent of his cologne and shampoo calms him down, and by the time chifuyu regained his bearings and dared to look up, they were already by the stream mirroring his neighborhood
chifuyu suddenly remembered a passage his elders used to tell him, you never learn how important something is until it’s gone, and maybe seeing his house come to view and the bike slowing down was the reason the taste in his mouth turned sour and his stomach collapsed into knots
he didn’t want this at first, now he doesn’t want it to end, he doesn’t know what part of it, if he could relive the past hour he would, over and over again, but what part doesn’t matter, maybe he just didn’t want to be in his true reality again, or maybe it’s baji, in the end, it’s always baji
“were here honey,” baji hummed as he placed the stopper down and took off his helmet, he turned around to grab chifuyu’s arms and help him down, he doesn’t know if it was his nerves or the whiplash of reality again but his legs feel like jelly and he collapsed face first in leather jacket toned arms and the scent of stale beer, the wind, and home
chifuyu felt weird, in a way, he doesn’t want to get up, he couldn’t even taunt him back at the stupid nickname he’s just sure baji would use against him from now on
“fuck- sorry”
“easy there- come on you’re ok, you’re fine”
baji’s arms around him were strong, firm and so fucking buff, but it was tender, like holding him any other way would break chifuyu
chifuyu finally breathes, those damned arms are the fucking answer he was looking for all along, if he can just fall into those arms every time he’d feel as if the world would take everything precious away, maybe, just maybe he’d finally be ok
fuck, can’t we just stay like this forever?
“i’d love to but we at least have to go inside”
chifuyu jolted upright, did i just say that out loud, what the fuck, what the fuck am i thinking-
“i didnt mean-“
baji then threw his head back, genuine laughs spilling from his pristine lips, it took chifuyu by surprise but he was enamored, he wants him like that; he wants every part of him, the good, the bad, whatever baji’s willing to give, chifuyu wasn’t selfish, but if he can have baji, he’d have the world
“you like me huh?”
it was chifuyu’s turn to splutter, just how many times has baji made chifuyu flustered today? given that they’d only been together for a fucking hour
chifuyu couldn’t say anything, he couldn’t do anything, he didn’t know this conversation would go like this; he romanticize to cope, flowers in the air, maybe with the help of his friends, he even dreamed of confessing in his bed, just the two of them, controllers in hand, bellies full of soda and chips and just pure garbage and he would just admit
fuck was he that obvious?
finding the right words to say, he flounders, he had little time to rehearse is the one subjected to; he practiced this, baji didn’t have to say anything, chifuyu can do all the talking and he would just walk away, chifuyu didn’t need to know his answer, the dream, and his rehearsal all alone in his mirror, in his bed, in his dreams- it only goes beyond the confession anything after that- chifuyu couldn’t even think about
with his mind in the gutter and his mouth blabbering like a fish trying to find the words to say, he didn’t notice baji walking forward up to him; he didn’t notice until there was only a breath of space, between their faces
“chifuyu look at me”
the command made him jut his face toward him on instinct but his eyes can’t find the courage to look
the gentle hands coaxing him from the bike before cupped his face in a tender hold, leaving chifuyu no choice but to look, and once he did, he can’t look away, he’s been over this dilemma before, those eyes- chifuyu never learns
“thank you for joining me today,” baji whispered, his eyes boring the unheard into chifuyus’ own, it made him feel jittery, warm, and just whole
“yo-youre welcome, thank you too, really,” chifuyu whispered, the words felt so small while saying it, though it felt smaller hearing it, but baji heard, the way he smiled again was proof enough
chifuyu didn’t know what to do- he wanted to do so much, he wanted to be in his arms forever, and it scares him
chifuyu knows he shouldn’t let his thoughts stray around the boy because every passing thought just makes the boy closer and closer, and oh god chifuyu couldn’t distinguish reality from his dreams, not from baji leaning in closer and closer, not from their faces just a whisper away, chifuyu couldn’t breathe
“you shouldve told me you guys were here, come in come in!”
fuck, his mom
it was almost comical, animated even the way they collapsed and fell apart, and suddenly there’s an acre between them, baji’s too far away
“you guys must be freezing out here, come on, i reheated your drinks they’re upstairs- baji dear, you’re free to stay the night if you want"
ushering them inside, chifuyu couldn’t speak, not with the butterflies or the entire ecosystem in his lungs trapping his breath and his words
“i’ll be heading to bed now, ok? turn the lights off for me honey, wake me up if you need anything alright?"
chifuyu’s mom was the nicest parent baji has ever met, not much since his parents were below the fucking minimum, but he knew she was beyond average, and baji would always be thankful for her, for taking him in as his own, and of course, for chifuyu
but god does he just want her to go into her room and let baji kiss her son like there’s no tomorrow
chifuyu’s mom leaned down to kiss both of their foreheads goodnight and bid them both a good night’s rest
“y-you can just lay the mattress down you-you know where to find it right? you can go ahead ill just close it up here,” chifuyu spoke, whispered, the first for the two of them, it was so small, he sounded- vulnerable
baji didn't know where to look, embarrassment wasn’t foreign to him- but it was unwelcome, so he opted to look at chifuyu instead, it was hard for baji to look at chifuyu at times, but it was harder to look away, not with the way his hair dances across his face and the rose flutter on his cheeks that seemed permanent, every time he looks, he finds more things that prevent him from turning away
baji can feel chifuyus’ nerves from where he stands and fuck, he aches for him, wants to do nothing else but press him back into his arms like before
but baji, just like chifuyu said, was an asshole, and so the boy walked up to him and snaked an arm around his petite waist as chifuyu’s back is turned towards him
“i’ll be waiting,” baji leaned into his ear making the other jump out of his skin, baji grinned devilishly, chifuyu knows, he can hear the grin in his words, he can feel it in the air, fucking asshole
and for the nth time that day, chifuyu wonders about what death feels like, but chifuyu then concludes that death is this, trapped in iron cloaked arms, the smell of leather and pine, crooked lips, hair tickling his ears, and canines in a smile
in the end its baji, it always was