Chapter Text
The day Hatori visited her family’s bookstore, she cried like a child in front of him. After attempting to return his newly damp handkerchief, which he declined with a polite “you keep it,” she bade him farewell. And Mayu thought that would be it. She had been given a second chance with a man she’d never thought she’d have a first chance with, and she’d ruined it by crying like a baby.
So when Hatori stepped out of the afternoon sunlight and into the dim shop two days later, of course Mayu choked on her tea. The universe seemed determined to make her look like a fool in front of this man. He watched with mild concern as she spat and sputtered, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes as she tried to catch her breath.
“Aren’t you a doctor? Aren’t you supposed to do something?” She gripped the edge of the counter as she wheezed. He took two steps across the room, and suddenly he was beside her. He set his hand against her back, with such delicacy that his touch felt spectral through the material of her shirt. Hatori instructed her to take a deep breath in. She did, albeit raggedly, the swell of her back offering pressure against his palm. As soon as she felt the warmth of his hand, it was gone. She watched him tuck the hand into his pocket.
“And breathe out.” He continued with a smirk. Mayu didn’t understand the amusement playing on his features, until he said: “and breathe in again, good, that’s how most people do it.”
“Ha. Very funny.” She pouted. “What are you here for?”
“I wasn’t aware I needed a reason.” He raised his brows, and she thought there might be something akin to mischief in his voice. Mayu suddenly became acutely aware how he seemed so tall compared to her, so she stood, brushed the wrinkles out of her shirt, and pretended she had business to tend to in the depths of the shelves.
“Fine.” He sighed, and she could feel his eyes on her back. “I’ll state my purpose.” Suddenly he was too close again, and was holding a book out to her. “I thought you would like this.”
“Huh?” Her brow creased, as she accepted the book from his slender fingers. “Is this yours?” Instinctively, she checked the author on the spine. Hatori noticed this, and the corner of his lips quirked up.
“Don’t worry, I don’t keep Shigure’s books in my library. I saw you reading something the last time I was here, and I recognized the title. This is a similar writing style. So I thought you might enjoy it.”
“Thank you.” Mayuko was grateful the light in here was so bad, otherwise he might spy the blush creeping along the back of her neck. “I’ll read it.”
“Good. Well, I should be getting back. It was nice seeing you again.” He smiled, and this time it just barely reached his eyes.
“That family of yours really works you to death, huh?” She said, holding the book close to her chest.
“You don’t know the half of it. See you soon, Mayuko.” And like that he was gone, and Mayuko found herself alone in the shop, holding the book Hatori had given her because he thought she would like it. Perhaps the universe wasn’t so cruel after all.
He appeared again, a week later, just as she was thinking about closing up the shop. And this time, she didn’t cry, or choke on tea at the sight of his presence.
“Good afternoon, Mayuko.” The sound of his steady voice was a much welcome break from the oppressive quiet of the shop.
So it was all the more embarrassing when her voice came out with a too excited and loud, "Hey!"
“How did you like the book?” He asked, browsing the books closest to her.
“I liked it. You were right, the writing style was very similar.” She was almost sad to hand the book back to him. She didn’t want to give up one piece of evidence to suggest that she occupied some space in his mind.
“Do you know of any good bars in the neighborhood?” It was a random question. She knew Hatori drank, from the nights she’d gone out with him, his friends, and Kana. But he didn’t seem the type to actively seek out alcohol. He seemed the type to go to a bar because that’s what everyone else wanted to do.
“There’s a good place just around the block.”
“Ok.” It was quiet for a moment, save for the shuffling of pages as Hatori flipped through a book. He didn’t look up as he said: “Do you want to grab a drink and talk about the book?”
“Sure.” She replied automatically, as if the animal part of her brain refused to give her human part enough time to process what he’d said and screw everything up.
“I’m assuming you need to lock up the shop?”
“Yeah.” She gathered her things, still not entirely in control of her actions.
When control finally came back to her, she was sitting across from Hatori - too close to Hatori - in a bar, sipping a beer.
“How is your father doing?” He asked, tilting the glass to his lips.
“He’s well. He just left the hospital, but the doctor said he needs to rest and - wait, how did you know he was in the hospital?” But no sooner than had she voiced the question that she knew its answer. “Shigure! Does that man know how to do anything other than scheme and gossip?”
“He doesn’t, but actually that wasn’t how I found out. I saw his name on the patient list at the hospital.” Hatori commented.
“Why were you at the hospital? Is everything ok?” She frowned.
“As you said, my family is trying to work me to death. But if it’s alright with you, I’d prefer not to talk about them.”
“Of course!” Mayu nodded. “I’m sorry to have brought it up.”
“Oh no, don’t apologize. But what did you think of the ending?” And just like that, something began. What that something was, Mayu couldn’t quite determine.
He came by every few days with a new book, and once she’d finished it, they met up to discuss over dinner. They didn’t just talk about books. They also talked about the upcoming school year, and current events. But much to Mayu’s surprise, Hatori was almost oblivious to things that went on outside the Sohma world. Which was the only thing they didn’t talk about. The teacher in her was curious to ask about what the kids in her class were like outside of school, and how exactly it was that Tohru Honda had gotten mixed up in that family. But she didn’t mind keeping her gossipy urges to herself. In fact, Mayu was happy to be a safe place for him to hide.
She’d always suspected that there was something wrong with the Sohma family. Maybe wrong was too harsh a word, but it always felt to her that the whole 'elusive, super tight-knit, super rich family' thing was a crock of bullshit. Beneath it all, there had to be something darker. But maybe that was the cynic in her, that had seen enough kids with negligent parents pass through her classroom to know that a truly happy family was hard to come by.
When Hatori stepped into the shop the next time and asked “Mayuko, are you ready?”, she knew something was off. His eyes were dull and sunken, as though he hadn't had a good night's sleep since the last time she saw him.
“Yeah, let’s go.” She said, hesitant to pry. She was determined to be his refuge from whatever he had going on at home. She'd come to think of it as her job to help him shake off the shadows that clung to him for as long as he was out of his family’s clutches.
On their way to their usual spot, he didn’t say a single word. He barely looked up from the ground. So she filled the empty space with useless chatter.
“What did you think of this one?” She asked when they’d sat at their normal table. Her entire body felt electrified with panic. This was wrong. Something was wrong. How could she not ask him?
“It was good.” He spoke, and his tone gave nothing away. His face set in marble. But when the waiter gave them their beers, he downed his too quickly.
“Hey, slow down there. Aren’t you driving?” She tried to laugh, thinking that maybe humor is the way to free him, to restore the light back into his eyes.
“I’m fine.” And before she could stop herself, she jumped to her feet, scraping the stool against the ground.
“No you are not!” She hissed, tears beginning to prick at her eyes. A few patrons looked her way, wondering what this crazy woman could be doing. Again she’d caused a scene, been more trouble for him than she was worth. She couldn't seem to help herself around him. “You’re clearly not fine. So out with it, what’s wrong?”
“Please sit back down.” He pleaded, reaching a hand out to her, only to abort the action. Something in her heart twanged, like guitar strings pulled too taught and released too quickly, at the sight of his attempt to reach out to her.
She crossed her arms, aware how juvenile she was behaving. “Only if you tell me what’s wrong.”
“Fine.” He replied through gritted teeth. It was the closest thing to angry she’d ever seen from him. “A few weeks ago one of my relatives had a crisis. I took them to the hospital, but they keep escaping.”
“Escaping?” The woman’s anger vanished, giving way to a stronger pull to embrace him, to comfort him. One she obviously ignored.
“She has a bad history with hospitals.” Hatori lit a cigarette, and closed his eyes as he took a long drag. The smoke swirled before his face, before vanishing into the evening air. “I can’t convince her to go back this time, even though I know she’s in bad shape. Her guardians are keeping an eye on her, but they have their own problems. I’m worried she’s going to do something dangerous before she’s fully healed.”
Mayu was quiet, letting the weight of his problem settle into her chest. Hatori pulled the ash tray close, and his knuckles went white as he gripped it.
“I’m sorry.” She finally spoke, setting her hand out on the table, so the very tip of her fingers rested on his hand. “That sounds difficult. It must be hard to watch her suffer like that and feel powerless.”
“It seems it’s one difficulty after another for her. She's stubborn and strong, so I know she'd make a full recovery if she could just away from-” whatever Hatori was about to say, he stopped. Mayu would have given anything to give him the courage to continue. “Anyway, it’s frustrating.”
“It sounds like it.” Her mind searched frantically, trying to think of some way to help him. But as she turned up empty, the disheartening reality settled on her. This wasn't a problem that she fix with the right sentiment or a well-timed joke. As much as she wanted to be the one to free him of the bonds that seemed to tie him down, she couldn’t do that. Any solution she gave him would only be a temporary balm.
“I should go.” He sighed and crushed his cigarette into the ash tray. “I apologize for worrying you.”
“Don’t apologize!” She spoke too quickly, too eagerly. “I mean, you don’t have to apologize. I like worrying over you. Well, I mean, I don’t like that there’s something to worry about, but I’m thankful you confided in me.” Panicking, she bowed her head to hide her flushed cheeks.
“I’m thankful you listened.” When she looked up from beneath her fringe, he was smiling. It didn’t quite reach his eyes, and there was a melancholy to the expression that made her want to cry. But at least he was smiling.
She didn’t hear from Hatori for another few days. She figured he’d be busy dealing with his family, so she didn’t really expect to see him. But she didn’t stop hoping she would. Any time the shop door opened, she hoped the figure in the threshold, shadowed by the backlit summer day, would be him.
And soon, her father was ready to mind the shop again, so she didn’t have to spend her days sitting in a warm, musty bookstore, waiting for a man who probably wouldn’t come. So she spent her days at home, listless and lethargic, idling her time until school started and she could forget Hatori altogether.
And then she left her apartment one day to find him sitting in the lobby. He was dressed in his usual suit, somehow looking cool, even as the late summer sun made Mayu sweat through her tank top.
“Hatori, what are you doing here?” He looked up from his unlit cigarette, and her heart broke. His eyes were bloodshot and sunken, and his hair was a wreck.
“Can we talk?” His voice was ragged, and Mayu had to bite down on the inside of her cheek to keep from crying.
“Sure, why don’t you come inside.”
It was only once he was actually inside, sitting on her couch that she realized the gravity of her mistake. She’d barely left her apartment all this time, and took even less care to clean it. He sat motionless as she scampered around the apartment, picking up empty plates and dropping apologies for the mess.
“So,” She sighed, giving up on the battle to make herself look like she was a respectable woman. She sat on the floor across from him and tilted her head, trying to catch his gaze. But he kept staring at his hands, clasped in his lap. “How can I help?”
“I shouldn’t be here.” He began. “And if anyone finds out I did this, you could get in trouble.”
“Hatori, please tell me what’s wrong.”
“That relative I told you about, she’s not doing well. She’s stopped eating, and she attacks the hospital staff any time they try to help her. Her guardians can’t take care of her anymore. And I can’t keep her safe, not while she’s still in the Sohma estate. I just don’t know what to do. I just needed someone to talk to.”
“She can stay with me.” Again, her animal brain acted before her human brain could process. But when her human brain finally caught up, she didn’t have any doubts.
“Did you hear what I said? You’ll be in trouble if anyone from the Sohma family finds out she’s staying here. And she’ll require constant watching.”
“Is there another option that will keep her safe?” Mayu pressed. Hatori didn’t respond.
“Then it’s settled.” She continued. “Bring her here, she can stay in my guest room. Just tell me how I can help.”
Later that night, long after the sun had set, there was a knock on her door. Mayu jumped up, her nerves spiking in her chest. Her first instinct was to wrench the door open, and hurry everyone inside. But she remembered what Hatori had told her about this girl. No sudden movements. Don’t crowd her. Don’t ask her any hard questions. She calmly opened the door, and stepped back, giving a wide berth between her, and the two figures that stood outside the door. They were both clad in black hoodies, and it took a second for her to recognize the smaller figure.
“Honda?” At this, the smaller figure pushed back the hood to reveal a pair of doe eyes, and a nervous smile.
“Hello Shiraki Sensei.” Honda bowed.
“Hatori didn’t tell me you would be coming.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. There was a last minute change of plans. I hope that’s ok.” She bowed, but kept her arm looped through the other girl’s elbow. Mayu glanced at the mysterious girl, trying to do so covertly. She could tell that in the right situation, the girl would be striking. Her eyes were coal black, and the hair that cascaded from beneath the hood was even darker. But her beauty had a veil over it as sickness and fatigue ate away at her.
“It’s no problem. Come inside.” It struck her as odd to invite a student into her home, but the whole situation was odd. She remembered what Hatori had said, about how this had to be done in utmost secrecy. No Sohma could know about it. Perhaps that’s why Hatori himself wasn’t present.
She locked the door behind her and watched as Honda slipped her shoes off, still holding onto the other girl. The other girl towered over Honda, especially in her black high heel boots, which she didn’t bother removing as she stepped into Mayu’s apartment. The thick platform of the heel hit the floor with a loud thud. But the girl was so thin, Mayu marveled that she could even stand with those towering shoes.
“Oh, Isuzu, you should take your shoes off.” Honda suggested, glancing back at Mayuko apologetically.
“It’s ok. I don’t mind.” Only then did Honda let go of the girl - Isuzu. There was something primal about the way Isuzu moved through the apartment. Her movements were calculated, slow, stealthy. Like she knew she was being watched by a predator. At the same time, she was careless. She didn’t seem to take notice that this wasn’t her home. She stopped at Mayu’s desk, and rifled through some student’s papers. A few fluttered to the ground, and Isuzu didn’t seem to care about the mess she was making.
“Isuzu, that’s not-” Honda rushed over, and swept the papers into a neat pile. The girl pointed at one of the papers, and Honda giggled. “I told you on our way over, she’s my teacher. Kyo and Yuki’s too.”
The taller girl whispered something back, but Mayuko couldn’t hear it. Tohru nodded in response.
“Do you want some water or tea?” Mayuko asked, not directing the question at anyone in particular, just as Hatori had instructed.
“Oh I don’t want to impose. But may I have a glass of water?” When Isuzu’s back was turned to them, Honda held up two fingers, and Mayuko nodded. As she fished two clean glasses from her cabinet, Mayuko couldn’t help but wonder how a girl as young as Isuzu could have gotten like this. Hatori was sparse on details when he explained. He just said that she’d had an unhappy childhood, was estranged from her parents, and was recovering from an injury she got from a fall. She had many emotional and physical requirements. Mayu had written them all down, and the thought of how long the list had gotten was almost devastating.
She set the two glasses of water on the table, along with some snacks. Tohru thanked her, and sat at the table. Isuzu did not and instead she continued to wander around the room, opening and slamming drawers and examining the books on Mayu’s bookshelf.
“How has your summer been, Honda?” She asked, keeping one eye on the roving girl.
“Oh, it’s been good. We went to the beach.”
“That’s nice.”
“And what about you Sensei?” The brunette took a biscuit, and snapped little pieces off, but didn’t seem to eat anything.
“I mostly watched my parent’s bookshop.”
“Oh, is that the one Shigure likes?” Tohru perked up.
“Yeah.” Mayu said, trying to remain as impartial as possible at the mention of the odious man.
“You know Gure-nii?” It was the first thing Isuzu had said, and her voice was surprisingly low. A bit raspy as well, like she barely used it. Or only used it to yell.
“Sort of. From way back when.” Mayu said with a shrug. Again, she did her best to remain impartial on the writer. Isuzu wandered closer, and Mayu noticed that she kept eyeing the water. Maybe she was thirsty, but Mayu didn’t understand why Isuzu didn’t just drink.
Suddenly Honda was on her feet. “Sensei, can I help you get the linens and set the bed up?”
“Huh? Oh, sure.” Mayu followed her pupil to the hallway.
“Thank you for taking care of Isuzu.” Tohru whispered, holding her hands out for the bedsheets that Mayu handed her.
“It’s no problem. She clearly needs a bit of space from her family.” Mayu reflected. Tohru was quiet, and looked like she might cry.
“Hatori said none of the Sohmas could know where she was staying. I’m assuming Shigure, Yuki, and Kyo don’t know you’re here.”
“No, they don’t know I’m here.” For a moment, Honda reminded her of Hatori. A melancholy smile, a sentence that held so many secrets behind it, and an impulse to put others before themselves at any cost.
“This is very brave of you to help out a friend. You two must be close.” Mayu said as she stretched out the sheets on the bed with Tohru’s help.
“Hm?” Honda looked up, her head cocked to the side. “Oh, we’ve only known each other for a few weeks.”
“Then it’s all the more courageous.” When they returned to the living room, Mayu noticed that now Isuzu’s glass was empty, and the bowl of biscuits looked less full than it had before. But Isuzu was still where they’d left her. Mayu had to give it to Honda. She might not be the most book smart, but the girl knew how to read people.
“Ok,” Honda smiled, bounding over to the tall girl. “I’m going to head home. But I’ll be by again tomorrow. Alright?”
Isuzu nodded, and reached out to grab the sleeve of Tohru’s sweater. Just for a moment, and then her hand returned to her side.
Tohru handed Mayu a backpack. When Mayu unzipped it, she found it to be full of home-made gelatin, spare clothes - all of which were black - and medicine.
“Oh, and Hatori wanted me to give you this.” Tohru fished something out of her pocket, and pressed it into her teacher’s hand. After Tohru had said her final goodbyes and left the apartment, Mayu finally registered what had been handed to her.
It was a phone and, by the looks of it, a brand new one. Mayu couldn’t even afford this model. She furrowed her brow, but slipped the phone in her pocket.
Isuzu had finally stopped her fidgeting and skulking, and tucked herself in the corner of the couch. Her hair cascaded over her legs and pooled at her feet on the couch cushion. Mayu stepped forward, and cleared her throat before the silence could suffocate her.
“My name is Mayuko. I realized I forgot to introduce myself. You can call me Mayu if you want.” There was no answer. She thought to ask the girl if she wanted to watch TV or read anything, but she remembered what Hatori had said. Try not to ask her to make any decisions. It’ll be hard to find out what she wants, but she’s not good under pressure.
So, instead, after she put the gelatin in the fridge, she sat on the far side of the couch and turned on the TV. She chose something innocuous. A historical documentary that nearly bore her to tears. But she figured it wouldn’t offend the girl. Just to be safe, she set the remote between them, close enough for Isuzu to change the channel If she wanted.
But she didn’t. She kept her eyes trained on the screen, but Mayu got the feeling that Isuzu wasn’t actually watching it. It didn’t bother Mayu one way or another. They sat in utter silence as one documentary rolled into the next. Isuzu barely moved a muscle the entire time.
“If it’s alright with you, I’m gonna get to bed. You can stay up as long as you want.” Mayu would be lying if she said she didn’t feel in over her head. She probably shouldn’t leave Isuzu alone. She’d already hidden all the knives and scissors in her house, just like Hatori had suggested. But she knew that that wouldn’t stop Isuzu from getting into trouble if she wanted to. So as Mayu got ready for bed, she kept an eye on the girl.
But Isuzu didn’t move at all as Mayu wandered around the apartment, locking the front door, putting away the glasses, brushing her teeth. And when she returned to her own room, she finally exhaled.
And then the phone in her back pocket buzzed.
“How is she settling in?” The text read, from someone just marked H. Was it Honda?
“Fine. She’s watching TV. She hasn’t moved in a while.”
“There’s a bottle of pills. The blue round ones. They’re antiemetics. Her nausea usually acts up at night, so they will help her sleep. Set one out on the table with a glass of water, do it casually and don’t mention it.” The person responded. This definitely wasn’t Honda, which meant… Mayuko mouth went dry at the thought of having a secret line to Hatori.
“Ok. Is it safe for me to go to sleep or should I stay up?”
“You should get some rest. She is unlikely to run away this far from the estate. But as a warning, she keeps odd hours.”
“Ok, thanks for the heads up.”
“Thank you for doing this Mayuko.” She gripped the phone tight, her heart rate spiking dangerously.
“Calm down, girl.” She said out loud, taking two deep breaths. She found the correct pills, and returned to the darkened living room. She’d left a light on, but Isuzu must have turned it off. Now the light of tv cast a ghostly pallor over the sickly girl. And with that dark hair, cascading over her hollow cheeks, she looked like a creature not of this world.
“Goodnight Isuzu.” She said, placing a little blue pill on the kitchen table and refilling the empty glass with water. There was no response.
In the middle of the night, Mayuko awoke to the sound of heavy footsteps pounding down the hallway, a door flung open, and minutes later she could hear gagging. Hatori had warned her about this. She sat up in bed, rubbing sleep from her eyes, before shuffling down the hall. The bathroom door was open, and she could see Isuzu’s long legs splayed over the tiled floor of the bathroom. A curtain of messy black hair fell over the girl’s face, shielding her as she wretched into the toilet.
She’d asked Hatori what she should do if Isuzu has an episode, but he hadn’t really given her a good answer. He said it depended on Isuzu’s mood. But Mayuko had been young once. She certainly hadn’t had as sensitive a stomach, but she’d drank herself silly plenty of times. She stepped into the bathroom, and the girl jerked up to look at her. Her onyx eyes smoldered through a curtain of hair, and she looked like she might lunge out and strike.
“Don’t worry. I’m just going to get you a hot water bottle and a hair tie. Alright?” It was another tense moment before Isuzu finally looked away, giving the woman permission to act. Mayu sighed, filling up the hot water bottle while the teenager wretched on the floor beside her.
“Here, tie your hair back.” She extended the hair tie down to the girl, but Isuzu didn’t take it.
Mayu couldn’t understand this. It was something so simple. Something that would make her life incrementally better in the moment. Isuzu wouldn’t owe Mayu anything by taking the hair tie. But she still couldn’t accept it. Mayu set it on the floor next to the crumpled girl.
“I used to drink a lot when I was in university. Not in a bad way, I don’t have a problem or anything. Just in a normal, college way. Before you know your limits and wind up in the bathroom of some bar with a friend holding your hair. When I got home I’d curl up with a hot water bottle. The next morning I would eat nothing but crackers and sports drinks. It was-“
“Shut up.” Mayu was surprised to hear the girl speaking, although it was more like a throaty growl. She glanced down at Isuzu, and found herself met with a fierce glare. Even with snot dripping down her nose, and her eyes brimming with tears, the girl managed to look intimidating. It was like looking down at a tiger, and not knowing if it was hurt or hungry. Either way, it was ready to fight. But Hatori had warned her about this. She won’t physically hurt you. But she will insult you. Harsh words tend to be her first line of defense. Can you handle that? He’d said.
And she'd told him not to worry about her. She was a teacher after all, a simple 'shut up' was nothing.
“Sure thing.” She shrugged, and set the water bottle next to the hair tie. “Call if you need anything.”
When Mayu stumbled out of bed the next morning, groggy and weighted down by fitful sleep, Isuzu was still in the bathroom. No longer hanging over the toilet, she was curled up in a ball on the bath mat, every muscle in her body coiled and taught. Even in her sleep, she still couldn’t find peace. Her hair was tied back though, and Mayu saw the red plastic of the water bottle clutched in the girl’s arms.
And in the living room, Mayu saw that the glass of water she’d left out was empty and the small pill was gone. And when she opened the fridge to grab milk for her coffee, she counted one fewer of the gelatins that Honda had brought over. With a scoff, Mayu closed the fridge. So that’s how it was.