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Hyunjin stares as the ends of the sun disappear beneath the horizon. Pink hues clashing with oranges and yellow in contrast to the baby blue of the sky. It’s really pretty, but she can barely find it in her to appreciate it.
She feels so useless. It’s been another unproductive day to add to her unproductive week. She’s been unproductive the whole month. It’s not too far off to assume that it’s going to be an unproductive year.
She wipes the tears that have made their way down her face. She doesn’t know why she’s crying. Again.
(Or maybe she does, but she just doesn’t want to admit it.)
She’s tired of hurting without being able to pinpoint where the hurt is coming from. They told her she can choose to be happy. They said it’s her choice.
Then again, it doesn’t really make any sense. Because if it really was, why would she even choose this at all? Who in their right mind would choose to be this unhappy?
Every time she tries to tell them what’s wrong, it’s the same thing over and over again.
Maybe that’s why she’s unable to identify what’s really bothering her. She doesn’t even want to try, anymore.
She thinks about her friends, almost thinks that maybe they were worried about her, but remembers that she’s the one who’s been disappearing all the time. She willingly chose to cut them off and leave them in the dark. She was the one who distanced herself to the point that it’s so difficult to reach out to her.
She’s grown so distant to everyone in her life.
She deserves to suffer through this alone.
She sighs, breath steadying, holding her knees to her chest. Tears streaming down her cheeks, she curls further into herself.
She feels so alone.
Hyunjin startles as she hears an unfamiliar, deep voice coming out of nowhere.
“Oh, hey.”
She whips upright and looks around, getting the fright of her life as a girl who she’s never seen before pulls herself up and onto their rooftop.
She stares dumbly for a whole minute, only barely registering what’s happening on her mind that moment. She realizes that some stranger has seemingly come out of nowhere (did she just climb from the side of their house?!? How the hell did she get to their 4th floor–)
“What the– who the hell are you??” she asks incredulously. (She has half the mind to run down and inform her brothers of a trespasser on their property, but she ultimately decides not to.)
“Um– oh! Ah… yeah, hi. I’m Heejin” the girl says.
Hyunjin opens and closes her mouth like a fish, before echoing her name like a bird. “Heejin–Heejin?”
“Yeah. Just Heejin.”
The trespasser doesn’t elaborate.
“Do I know you?” she presses on.
And she says nothing more than “I don’t think so” as an answer.
“Okay…”
Hyunjin squares her up and down. The girl looks like she couldn’t be any older than her, standing a few centimeters shorter. (She could even almost admit that she’s actually pretty cute if it wasn’t for the bizarre circumstance– like who goes up on other people’s roofs without permission? She wonders if there’s something wrong with this girl in front of her.)
“How about you? Who are you?” the girl asks back.
Hyunjin gapes but answers anyway. “I’m… Kim Hyunjin.”
‘Heejin’ tries her name out. “Kim Hyunjin…”
“Yeah…” she says. “And who the hell are you?”
“I already told you?” the girl looks at her with question. “I’m Heejin.” She says again.
Hyunjin looks at her like she’s dumb. (She can’t tell if the other girl is being serious.)
“Just Heejin?” she asks.
“Yeah,” she says. “Heejin.”
The taller girl, albeit a little confused, accepts that answer anyway. “Okay…”
Well, not really.
“Okay but– where the hell did you come from and what the hell are you doing on our roof?”
Just Heejin blinks and looks around her like she’s only just realizing what she’s doing. “Oh! Right, uh, sorry. I can just leave if you want–”
Hyunjin’s reaction is immediate. (She doesn’t know why the other girl is here either, but it’s not like she hates it–)
“Wait!” she says, grabbing onto the girl’s hand.
Heejin turns to look at her. “Hmm?”
The words feel like they’re lodged in her throat. “S-stay… please.” She says. “I don’t… it’s okay. You can stay…” Hyunjin doesn’t know why she hesitates. “You’re… you’re alright.”
The other girl nods, sitting back down.
“Okay.”
They sit together awkwardly on the built-in concrete benches. Hyunjin doesn’t really know where she was going with asking the stranger to stay, but it’s not like she can ask her to leave now.
“Were you crying?” Heejin asks.
Hyunjin blinks. “What?” her hands automatically fly to her face, feeling the cold streaks on her cheeks and she realizes oh, right. She was, just a few minutes ago.
“I– uh, yeah.” She says honestly, wiping the tracks away. “I guess I was…”
The other girl looks genuinely concerned. “You, uh… wanna talk about it?”
Hyunjin ponders for a moment. I mean, what is there to talk about? She herself doesn’t even know.
She laughs to herself. “Maybe, but…” she pauses.
Heejin turns to her. “What’s wrong?”
The girl just laughs some more. “Yeah, I… I don’t know, either, honestly.”
The sky dims, aureate purple melding into a darker indigo as the night falls, and they both feel the chill of the evening air coming. Strangely enough, Hyunjin feels relatively warm… safe, even, in the company of a complete stranger.
“I just… I kind of get really sad, sometimes.”
Heejin hums, turning her head back towards the sky.
“Yeah?”
Hyunjin nods.
“Yeah.”
Heejin doesn’t say anything more, but Hyunjin finds her being there comforting enough.
They sit together for a while, eyes on the stars, until Hyunjin hears her parents’ car pull up.
“My parents are here…” Hyunjin mutters as she stands.
Heejin stands up as well, waving to Hyunjin. “I better get going, then. Well, Kim Hyunjin, nice to meet you.” She says with a smile.
“Hyunjin!”
The girl turns her head at the sound of her brother’s voice. Looks like they’re calling for her already. She goes to bid the other girl goodbye but turns around to nothing, Heejin seemingly vanishing without a trace.
Hyunjin wanted to go inspect the place where the stranger had originally come from, but her brother’s voice calls for her again. She makes her way down the steps cautiously, whispering her regards into the air of the night.
“Nice to meet you too…”
-
Hyunjin recalls their encounter as she goes to sleep, thoughts filled with a bright star-lit sky and a bright smile.
She contemplates the possibility that she might’ve just imagined it, conjured up the whole encounter in her fantasy; but the memory is vivid, and she could almost hear the girl’s voice ringing in her ears.
“Heejin.”
Weird… she thinks, right as she succumbs to sleep.
--
Hyunjin really didn’t expect to see the girl again the next day; smile as bright as she remembers, sitting on the steps of the stairs towards their roof, greeting her with a wave.
(Going up and watching the sunset has been her daily escape for the past few weeks, and for some reason, she feels like the stranger– Heejin disturbing her peace will be a regular occurrence from then on.
For a long while, the light of the sky– whether it be from the sun, the moon, or the stars has been her solace ever since…
She shakes the thought away.)
“Hey.”
Hyunjin manages to smile back at her. “Hey stranger. What are you doing here?”
Heejin follows her as she walks towards the rooftop to sit on the same bench they were on yesterday.
“Oh, you know. Just dropping by… see how you’re doing.” She says awkwardly as she plops down to sit. “I, uh, kinda got worried for you, yesterday...”
Hyunjin hides her surprise at the words. (Why a stranger would be so worried about her enough to return when they barely even know each other? Hyunjin doesn’t know. She honestly won’t deny she’s a little touched at hearing that, though.)
She takes in the sight of the other girl, one hand rubbing the back of her neck, and the other awkwardly sat on her lap, looking very much like someone caught in an uncomfortable situation. Seems genuine enough. Hyunjin finds it amusing.
“Thanks… I’m fine though. Don’t worry about it.”
The girl hums and Hyunjin can tell that she isn’t entirely convinced, but she drops the conversation at that. Hyunjin is thankful, because she doesn’t really know what else to say about it.
They watch the sky change colors as the sun sinks down. Heejin doesn’t ask her for details, so she doesn’t ask anything either.
(Why she easily accepted that there’s a literal trespasser coming to watch the sunset on their roof with her? She really doesn’t know either. She tries not to think about it. Besides, she seems more or less harmless– if her reason for returning is telling enough.
And if Hyunjin’s being completely honest, she doesn’t hate the company.)
Heejin stands to leave as they hear the car’s arrival. She gives the taller girl another smile.
“Welp, that’s me. See ya, Kim Hyunjin.”
Hyunjin nods, waving goodbye. She watches Heejin jump over the ledge and push herself down, still waving mindlessly even after the girl disappears from sight.
It takes approximately 2 seconds for it to register in her mind before she scrambles to check how the girl got down.
Oh, right. She nearly slaps her face at her idiocy.
They have a fire escape on the side of their house.
She watches as Heejin skips a few steps down with jumps as she hears her brothers call for her. She doesn’t know what possesses her when she shouts–
“Heejin!”
The girl turns at the sound of her name, visibly just as confused as the one who called for her.
“I… it was nice to meet you too!”
Hyunjin sees her laugh before the melody reaches her ears. She learns that night that Heejin is an expressive laugher, with the way her whole body displays her amusement.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Kim Hyunjin!”
Yeah, this girl is harmless.
--
Hyunjin gets to the roof before Heejin does, the next day.
She wonders if she’ll come back again.
As if manifesting her into existence, Heejin pops up right as Hyunjin’s thoughts went to her.
The smile is automatic, and she waves the girl over to sit beside her.
The sky is particularly pretty, that afternoon. Clear of clouds and ever so brilliant, admirable.
Hyunjin thinks it’s nice to share that moment with someone.
The sky is dark by the time Heejin says anything.
“Come with me?”
Hyunjin thinks she heard wrong, but when she looks at the other girl’s hopeful face, she knows that she didn’t. “Wha– what? I don’t even know you?”
Heejin’s grin is reassuring, and Hyunjin thinks it’s weird that she’s so unbothered. “It’s okay, I promise! I got you.” She says.
Hyunjin looks at her funny. Uh huh. Yeah, right. “Sorry, I can’t trust you like that just yet…”
The girl hums, still unbothered. “That’s fair. How about I show you that I’m okay? I’ll come visit you, every day. I’ll even bring you something from where I go.”
Hyunjin admires how the other girl is so sure of herself. She can’t help but be curious, though. “And where is that?”
“Hmm?”
She states the question like it’s obvious. “Where do you go?”
The answer comes in the same manner. “Everywhere.” Heejin says it like it’s obvious.
Hyunjin laughs at the absurdity. She scans the other girl’s face and surprisingly finds no trace of mirth or insincerity. It’s almost as if she was telling the truth. “Yeah, I don’t think I can believe you.”
Heejin smiles easily. “hah, that’s also fair. I guess I’ll just have to prove myself then.” She stands up with a wave. “See ya tomorrow, Kim Hyunjin!”
“What?”
Caught up in their conversation, Hyunjin didn’t even hear the rumble of her parent’s arrival.
Heejin waves at her again before jumping down and out of sight.
Dumbfounded, Hyunjin only begins to process the other girl’s words. “I- okay.”
Heejin is long gone when Hyunjin whispers to no one in particular “see you tomorrow…”
--
True to her word, Heejin comes by around the same hour every day without fail, bringing Hyunjin either food, souvenirs or little trinkets, and tells her stories of the people she encounters in the places she goes to.
(Hyunjin asks how she goes to different places all the time.
Heejin tells her not to worry about it.)
She tells the stories in a way that makes Hyunjin feel like she was right there with her, experiencing the beauties of the world that she’d only ever dreamed about.
And right at that moment, underneath the pale moonlight, as Heejin relays her adventure in a carnival, playing endless games and going on boundless rides, she almost wishes she was.
She dreams at that moment, of a life like Heejin’s, seeing different people’s laughs and people’s smiles, carousels and Ferris heights– everything she’s been offering to her and more.
But as Hyunjin stares at the other girl’s wide, excited smile, however, she begins to realize that it’s more about the girl beside her. She eyes the little cat and rabbit keychain that she won at a game for her, and smiles to herself.
She thinks that maybe, it’s more of her wanting a life with Heejin.
-
“Are you happy, Hyunnie?”
“Huh? I guess I am… why?”
“Nothing. It’s just… you seem to be glowing, you know?”
Hyunjin doesn’t know.
“We’re happy that you are.”
-
Hyunjin has never realized how dull her world was until Heejin came along and painted her with the brightest colors she’s ever seen in her life.
-
“Cute keychain, by the way.”
“Oh, thanks.”
“Where’d you get it?”
Hyunjin thinks of what Heejin is to her, exactly.
“A good friend.”
A good friend she thinks.
Maybe she wasn’t so alone, after all.
--
They fall into a routine, and Hyunjin hates to admit that she’s slowly getting used to Heejin’s presence in her life.
--
Heejin comes by long after the sun has set, one night.
“Hey Hyunjin! You still there? Look what I–”
Heejin’s words die in her throat as she sees the other girl curled up into a ball, shaking like a leaf as sobs visibly wrack her body. She hastily pulls herself up and onto the roof before pulling the crying girl into a hug.
“Hey, hey, hey… I’m here. I’m here.”
She feels Hyunjin shaking as she wraps her arms around her. She feels the girl pulling her close, and Heejin can only hold her securely in her arms.
Clouds dim the sky as they cover the moon, the stars doing nothing to illuminate the unwelcoming evening.
“I… I was really sad again and I… I thought you weren’t coming…”
Heejin’s heart breaks at the fragile, broken voice. She wishes she could do more, and take away Hyunjin’s pain for her. She deserves to be happy, free from whatever is hurting her so much and giving her so much sorrow.
She holds the crying girl’s face and levels her eyes with hers. “Hyunjin, look at me.” She says, eyes searching and hoping to convey comfort without words, willing her to focus on hers.
“I’ll always be here for you, okay?” Hyunjin’s tears fall wordlessly, and Heejin nearly cries at the resigned dejection in those tired, brown eyes. She cradles her face so gently, and she does her best to wipe the tears away, leaning up to leave a lingering kiss on the other girl’s forehead.
“You’re so important to me… and I’d never leave you.” She says, thumbs gently stroking the girl’s cheeks in a comforting manner.
Heejin smiles at her and pinches her cheeks, “not if I could help it” she adds.
That prompts a small smile on Hyunjin’s face, and Heejin cheers happily.
They hold each other for a good while, and Hyunjin eventually calms down. The sky clears, allowing the moon to cast an ethereal glow on the girls, bearing their hearts and their souls to each other without words.
Heejin barely remembers to give her gift for the day, managing to catch Hyunjin by the hand before she lets her go for the night.
“I’m sorry I took a while to come, but I got us these matching rings, see?” she says, pulling out the silver bands from her pocket. “I took a while to choose, but I got these ones with the sun and moon design.”
Heejin slips the ring on Hyunjin’s left ring finger. Hyunjin admires the crescent moon design on hers, and watches as Heejin places the one with the sun design on her own.
“You’re the sun, to me, Hyunjin. And I’ll be your moon. You don’t always see me, but I’m there. I promise.” Heejin says, giving Hyunjin a shy smile.
“And now, you’ll be able to remember me every time you look at it. I’ll be there, Hyun.”
-
Hyunjin falls into a peaceful, dreamless sleep, comforted by the promise of Heejin’s company.
--
Heejin doesn’t say anything about it the day after, but she still comes by at her regular hour, and brings Hyunjin the daily gift.
She holds her hand as they watch the sunset, and she lets her know that it’s okay if she doesn’t want to talk about it just yet, before she leaves.
Hyunjin’s just glad that she’s there.
--
“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, but I’m here to listen.”
-
“That ring is pretty.”
Hyunjin turns the band a couple of times.
“Yeah.” She says with a smile.
“From your keychain friend?” her brother asks.
She laughs at that. “yeah”
He nods. “That’s good, that’s good. I’m glad you’re reaching out to yur friends again.”
Hyunjin swallows the guilt in her throat.
“Yeah.”
She’s not sure whether it’s because she isn’t actually reaching out to her friends, or whether it’s because she’s starting to think that Heejin is becoming more than that to her.
--
Hyunjin blurts out of nowhere one afternoon “will you ever let me get to know you?”
(Okay, maybe it wasn’t completely out of nowhere. Maybe Hyunjin just wanted to avoid any questions about her that she’s sure will inevitably come.)
Heejin pauses, midway through her melonpan (Hyunjin had already finished the one Heejin gave her earlier) and finishes chewing before she answers. “What do you mean? You do. I already told you, right? I’m Heejin.” She says, taking another bite.
Before the taller girl can clarify, Heejin reaches over and slings an arm over her shoulder. “Have you forgotten about me that easily, Kim Hyunjin?” she teases, poking Hyunjin’s cheek with her free hand.
She huffs, swatting away the girl’s hand and arm away completely. “Finish your food you goof. And no, of course not.” She ponders for a moment, trying to choose her words. “I mean I don’t really know you. Well, at least not substantially…”
Heejin looks at her questioningly as she finishes off her bread. (Her tilted head and bright eyes reminded Hyunjin of her puppy. Makes her want to keep her safe and protect her forever.
Maybe she wants to keep her forever.)
“I mean, who are you?” she asks instead. “Like, really? All I know is your name and that you always come and visit me when you come from… wherever it is that you go. Everything else about you is… blank.”
The other girl just blinks, hums, and says nothing for a while. Hyunjin thinks that maybe she might have crossed a line (I mean, is it really that bad when the other girl is the one literally coming into their house and property just to watch the sky and the sunset with her–)
“How old are you?”
Hyunjin is taken aback, but she answers immediately “17.”
Heejin grins at her. “We’re the same age. See, that’s now something you know about me!”
The taller girl stares for a bit before she chuckles. “Okay… Heejin, 17.”
“That’s right!” The girl’s smile is still as bright as ever, and Hyunjin thinks that she’s more breathtaking than the gorgeous colors of the twilight.
They don’t say anything after that, just opting to admire the sight of the setting sun and the sky.
Heejin leaves without another word, only waving at Hyunjin with a smile before she disappears into the night.
--
“Sometimes, details don’t matter too much, Hyun.” The girl says the next day.
(They’ve just sat and watched the sky silently, Heejin having wordlessly arrived with a yellow flower that Hyunjin has never seen before.)
It’s the first words she’s said today.
“We can just enjoy each other’s company, like this.” She says.
Hyunjin shifts her focus towards her, and Heejin does the same.
“You alright with that?”
Hyunjin drops her head and stares down at the flower in her hand. She’s not really familiar with it nor does she know much about it, but she can still appreciate its existence. She appreciates it being there. And, it’s really beautiful.
(Maybe it’s because it was from Heejin. Or maybe she was reaching, but Hyunjin likes to think that she understands. Maybe she gets it.)
“Yeah… okay. Alright.”
--
(Hyunjin later searches the house for a bottle to use as a makeshift vase and puts the flower on her bedside table that night.)
--
Hyunjin brings her guitar up one afternoon, and she learns that Heejin had also known how to play.
“I haven’t played in a while, but let’s see.”
Hyunjin also learns that she’s incredibly attractive when she plays, voice harmonious with the sound of the instrument.
--
Hyunjin had her eyes on the clouds, legs stretched out when Heejin comes up and pulls herself onto the rooftop like she always does. She’s holding a bright pink flower (it looks like a rose, and it’s the same color as the sky at that moment, Hyunjin notes) by the stem in her mouth, sending a smile towards her.
Hyunjin thinks the flower was Heejin’s gift of the day until the girl pulls out a cylindrical little thing with a funky pattern from her pocket and hands it to her.
“What’s this?”
Heejin looks at her like she’s just said something outrageous. “What, really? You don’t know what this is?”
Hyunjin shakes her head “no.”
Heejin looks offended, before a mischievous smile crosses her face. “Wait actually, this is perfect! You’ll be able to experience it for the first time! Give me your hands.”
Hyunjin shrugs as she hands the thing back to Heejin and presents her hands like she’s about to be handcuffed.
“Lol, not like that. Like, point your fingers like this,” she says, demonstrating with her index finger.
(The glint of their matching rings make Hyunjin way happier than it should.)
“I know you did not just say ‘lol’ out loud. And what am I supposed to do with this?” Hyunjin says, following Heejin’s example with both of her hands.
Heejin slips the thing on one of Hyunjin’s index fingers and guides her hand to do the same with the other until Hyunjin almost feels the tips of her fingers touching. Heejin lets go with a wide smile, eyeing Hyunjin expectantly.
The taller girl stares at her hands. “So it just stays on my fingers like this?” Hyunjin tries to remove the thing by pulling her fingers apart, but she feels it squeeze around them tighter. “What–” she pulls harder, but she feels its hold tighten the more she does.
Heejin is now laughing at her, and Hyunjin grows even more frustrated by the second. She keeps trying to pull away, twisting her fingers as she pulls, in hopes of slipping it off to no avail.
“Heejin what is this? I’m stuck?!”
Her laugh grows louder as Hyunjin struggles with the toy.
“It’s–” she wheezes. “it’s a Chinese finger trap! How have you seriously never known about this?”
Hyunjin whines as her fingers start to numb. “Heejin, get it off please. How do I get it off?”
Heejin wipes away a tear as she instructs Hyunjin’s escape.
“Calm down and stop resisting! It’s useless, I promise.” She puts her hands over Hyunjin’s. “Like this, see, pulling away won’t do you good. It’ll make it worse.” Hyunjin focuses on Heejin’s hands as she guides hers on what to do. “Push your fingers together, you’ll feel it loosen up.”
Hyunjin does as instructed, keeping her fingers loosely together until she’s able to slip one off and then the other, turning to the other girl excitedly. “I did it Heejin!”
“See?” Heejin grins at her. “Just like that.”
Heejin hands her the flower before she leaves.
“Sometimes, you just gotta give yourself some wiggle room, Hyun. Don’t pull away too much.” she says, patting the taller girl on the head. “Keep it and keep practicing. It’ll get easier for you the next time around.” She grins.
Hyunjin accepts her words and the rose with a smile of her own, waving as Heejin goes.
-
The pink rose joins the yellow flower in the vase, and Hyunjin thinks they look good together like that.
The finger trap sits on her bedside table, and Heejin’s words run through her mind. She’s not entirely sure that the other girl was just talking about the toy, but she smiles anyway.
Hyunjin goes to sleep with the feeling of Heejin’s hands on hers in her mind.
--
“I’m here, okay? Whenever you’re ready.”
--
“Have you ever wondered where we go when we go?”
Heejin hums as she pulls her knees closer to her chest. “Who hasn’t?”
Hyunjin tilts her head. “Even you have?”
She hears a laugh.
“What do you mean? Of course I have.”
The taller girl scratches the back of her neck, pulling at the little hairs. She turns her attention to the ring on her finger, turning it a couple of times out of habit. “Well I mean, since I just kind of assumed that you’re magic, maybe you don’t really… you know. Worry about that stuff.”
Heejin laughs again.
“I’m not magic, Hyun. But yeah, I don’t worry about that stuff anymore.”
Hyunjin looks at her with question. “What do you mean anymore?”
The other girl cryptically smiles at her, ever so adamant on keeping the details to herself.
“I mean personally, why worry? Doesn’t really matter, you know. Nobody ever makes it out of here alive. I’ve just found reasons to not care about those things any longer and just exist as I do.”
Hyunjin hums in acceptance. “Will you ever let me get to know you? Like really know you?”
Heejin’s smile is as bright as the sinking sun in the horizon.
“Maybe.”
--
“Hyunnie, where’ve you been?”
“Up.”
“Again?”
“Mhmm.”
“Well, are you okay?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Nothing. Just checking. Come on, let’s have dinner.”
--
Hyunjin immediately corners the other girl as she sits beside her as the sun sinks in the background.
“You didn’t answer my question, by the way.”
Heejin yawns as she stretches her arms above her head.
“Question? I just got here though… What question?”
Hyunjin picks at the grass on the plant box.
“The other day?”
The newcomer racks her brain for the details.
“Hmm, if I can recall correctly, you asked whether I’ve wondered about where we go when we go.” She says. “And I’ve already answered; but I have, if it wasn’t clear enough.” Heejin finishes, looking at Hyunjin to elaborate.
Hyunjin hums, waving a single blade of grass in front of the other girl’s face. “Yeah? So where do you think we go?”
Heejin raises her head in thought, paying no mind to… whatever the other girl was doing.
“What I think?” Heejin looks like she’s mulling over the question seriously for a moment. “I guess we’re free. Like, really free. Maybe wherever it is that we’ll go to is brighter, and better than this place.”
The colors shift from the bright blue into hues of purple, pink and orange. It’s a sight to behold, but Hyunjin turns her full attention towards Heejin.
“Personally, I think it’d be great to be able to do anything, after. And I think, that’s what we’re able to do when we go, you know?”
Hyunjin wants to say yes, but in all complete honesty, she’s never thought of it like that. She ponders the thought in her head, and entertains the idea of freedom in passing.
Yeah, she thinks it might be great.
--
“Is that how you’re able to?”
“How I’m able to what?”
“You know... how you’re able to just... exist as you are, as you said.”
Heejin chuckles at that. “Maybe.”
The wind brushes against Hyunjin’s skin, lightly, as if kissing her gently.
“Or maybe I’m beyond that, Hyun.” She looks at her with sincerity. “And if you give me the chance, I’ll show you what I mean.”
Hyunjin doesn’t understand, but she believes in what Heejin tells her.
“I’ll show you this side of paradise.”
--
“Does it hurt?”
“What does?”
“Crossing over… transcending?”
“No, not at all.”
“Really?”
“Yup. Trust me.”
“I do.”
--
Hyunjin can feel Heejin’s eyes on her, and she just knows that she’s looking at her seriously.
“Are you sure about this?”
Hyunjin thinks of everyone she knows; thinks of everyone she’s ever held dear. She thinks of her friends and how they were her chosen family. (They’ve known how much she’s distanced herself enough that they’ve probably grown used to it. She thinks of the times she’s disappeared on them before, and how this time wouldn’t be that much different.) She thinks of how they’ll still have each other, at least, and she knows they’ll be okay.
She thinks of her best friend, Yerim, who has always loved her for who she was despite everything. Thinks of how much she’s already burdened her. She hopes she’ll be able to forgive her for disappearing one last time.
She thinks of her dad, who she might not have always gotten along with but she knows who always meant well and loved her all the same.
She thinks of her brothers, the ones who became her support system throughout her formative years, when she was going through heavy things. Thinks of how hard they’ve tried to be what she needed.
And of course, her mom. Her beautiful, honest smile flashes in the forefront of her mind, and she thinks of how much she loves her. She thinks about how much she’ll miss her.
But she turns her head towards the other girl, and she thinks of endless oceans, meadows and sceneries all around the world. She thinks of cities and towns and places she’d only ever dreamed about.
She thinks of countless sunsets, sunrises, middays and midnights from everywhere she hasn’t seen before. She thinks of a life outside what she’d known her whole life.
She thinks of limitless freedom and unbounded will to do anything and everything she’d always wanted to. She thinks of all the places she can go, all she’d be able to do, with her. With Heejin.
She’s not lonely, anymore.
She thinks to herself right there, that she’ll be the only one she would ever need.
She reaches out to hold Heejin’s hand in hers. Firm and sure, absolute in her decision.
“Yeah, I am.”
‘cause I’m lonely, I’m so lonely
if you hold me, I’ll be your only