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“cameron?”
charlie was only registering half of what was going on at the moment, he’d woken up to the sound of shuffling and, judging by the color of the sky outside the window, he was very much not supposed to be awake yet. early, he supposed, but not early enough for the sun to be out. he could hear the light twitters of birds through the half-open window, but moonlight was still shining in the room, slightly illuminating cameron’s back, who was apparently still awake and working on his desk.
he turned around for half a moment at the calling of his name, before he returned to his paper where his pen rapidly ran. “go to sleep, charlie, it’s still early.”
but charlie wasn’t planning on sleeping again, especially after the situation started to sink in. he tried to get a look of what cameron was working on, quickly gave up on that from his place in the bed and slowly got up, making his way to cameron’s desk. some chemistry exercises he wasn’t even sure they’d been taught yet, only cameron could be up doing chemistry at the crack of dawn. “shit, cameron, have you been up doing that all night?”
he didn’t bother to look up from his notebook. “i had to. i had to get ahead.” he spoke quickly and his hands slightly shook as he wrote. charlie sighed.
“no, you didn’t, you’re plenty ahead. you need to sleep.”
“no, i need to do better. i need to be better.” cameron’s voice started to waver, but his gaze remained still and his hand kept writing. “it’s the only thing i’m good for, anyways.”
charlie’s face fell at this and he carefully placed one hand on his roommate’s shoulder. “okay, you’re definitely on the verge of a mental breakdown right now. will you please go to bed? you don’t have to do so much all the time, cam-”
“no! stop that, you don’t know anything! you don’t know how it is for me! i have to finish this!” cameron jerked out of his touch, tears threatening to spill down his face as he spoke. “i have to do something, i have to do something .”
“dammit, cameron, do you always have to be so stubborn?” charlie groaned, but for once, there was no venom behind the words. “you’ve done enough. you’re the smartest person in that entire chemistry class and you know that, everyone knows that. now could you please, please let me help you?”
“ help me ? what’s the point, charlie, are you seeing me right now? you’re wasting your time and energy.” cameron chuckled bitterly. “my brain is broken. it’s pointless.”
“you’re not pointless.”
“i’m up at five in the morning teaching myself chemistry.”
“-and you’re not broken.” charlie continued, dismissing his statement. “i’m not here to fix you or to tell you how you should be, i’m here to remind you that you’re enough, when you forget, and to send you to bed at five in the morning. and you’re worth that.”
cameron sighed, but slowly gave in. “i’m sorry i woke you. and i’m sorry you got stuck with me. i know you’d rather room with neil or knox-”
“stop it, i’m not stuck with you. i mean, yeah, it used to be different, but that was before. i don’t want neil, or knox, or whoever. i want you.” charlie’s hand landed back on his shoulder and cameron turned to look at him, but for the first time in a while, he didn’t turn away. for the first time in a while, he let charlie really look at his face, see how the little freckles scattered across his cheeks, he’d been so distant lately charlie had almost forgotten, see how eyebags had slowly begun to form under his eyes, and how just above, his eyes were red and glassy. it was something about that moment, that look, that felt intimate. too intimate, charlie would’ve once thought, but lately it seemed he couldn’t get enough of these little moments with cameron. still, he couldn’t help but break the silence. “as my roommate, i mean.” he mentally cursed himself when cameron looked away, but a small smile had formed on the ginger’s lips.
“okay.” he nodded.
“okay, cool. now, get some sleep. i’ll let you miss breakfast.” the conversation seemed to regain their usual casual tone and charlie returned to his bed, getting himself well under the covers, as cameron did the same.
he glanced to him across the room for a second and couldn’t help the soft smile that tugged on his lips. in the morning they’d be back to their banter and their teasing, but right now, as he looked at cameron, charlie couldn’t explain the warm feeling in his chest, the need to be close to him again. he let his eyes fall closed. he could unpack that some other time, right now he just wanted to treasure these couple hours of sleep before he had to wake up for his classes again. just as he was about to fall asleep, he heard cameron’s voice again, except now it was smaller, more quiet, as if he’d just registered how tired he was.
“charlie?”
“hm?”
“thank you.”