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“Come on, Thanatos! Live a little, will you?” That, of all things, makes his brother’s skin flush, gold dusting the tops of his ears, and for a second Hypnos thinks well, that’s curtains! and braces himself to have the clouds rattled out of his ears by a spectral bell. But wowza, Than is hiding a lot of surprises under that heavy cowl of his, because the bell doesn’t toll and his brother is still floating with him, blooming with gold and tugging at the edges of his hood like he can get it to swallow him whole.
It’s like a little glimpse into the past, seeing him like this. An echo of the somber, shy little thing that had been borne into existence holding Hypnos’ hand, hiding in his cheerful shadow - he’d disappeared often, back then, like a reflex when the world became too-bright too-loud too-much. It had upset Mom - Mother Nyx more than it ever upset Hypnos, because why would it? Thanatos would always come back to them. To him. They were cut from the same pieces of the night sky, spun from the same stardust; there was no force great enough to keep them apart, back then. He’d find Hypnos dozing in their shared bed and mumble apologies until his brother woke, tumbling into the offered hug and letting Hypnos pull him into dreams.
Thanatos would always, always come back.
It wasn’t until they were much, much older that Hypnos started to wonder if that was really true.
“I…” His twin’s voice pulls him back out of drowsy reverie and back to the present, where Than’s gaze flashes to his face. “I’ll… alright.”
That takes a moment to process, because Thanatos is agreeing to spend time with Hypnos. Wow! Wow ! The radiant, golden joy that fills him must show in his cheek-aching grin, because the glint of Thanatos’ eyes softens just the littlest bit, and he reaches out to - to take Hypnos’ hand , double-wow!
“Come on, brother. We can’t leave the dead waiting forever.”
And before he can say anything, his brother vanishes them both in a flash of green and a doleful tolling of bells. This too, is familiar, but whew has it sure been a long time since Than has pulled him along for the ride - he’d forgotten how it felt to have his stomach swoop down to socialize with his kneecaps! Once his organs are back in their proper places, and the little green stars have faded from his vision, he chances a look around - and woah, Than just keeps rolling out the surprises today! Where is he even keeping them all!
He’d thought that Thanatos would bring them to the garden, or the Lounge, or maybe even to Zag’s room, since it’s safe and neutral, and everyone seems to spend an awful lot of time in there anyways! Not that he blames them, Zag’s bed is very comfortable! But no, they’re floating in the entrance to Hypnos’ very own cave, tucked away behind rolling hills of poppies and echoing with the murmurs of the Lethe as her waters spill forth from the depths. Kind of funny that Than would being them here of all places, considering -
- considering, well, that this was theirs once. And then Thanatos grew up and out and away, and now it belongs only to Hypnos.
He wants to ask if Thanatos meant to bring them here or if maybe his wires got crossed somewhere and they need to have a do-over, but Thanatos is already floating inside, tugging him along because Than hasn’t let go of his hand! And it kind of makes him feel like his ribs are going to crack under all the strain of trying to hold in his joy! The Lethe must feel his elation, because the misty clouds that wreathe her rise in great plumes to twine around their ankles like cold and vaguely damp cats in a wordless welcome home . Hypnos giggles as the vapor ghosts across his skin, dragging his hand through the haze and watching as it splits into ribbons between his fingers, curling into spirals that spin themselves into nothingness.
Thanatos pauses as the river rises to meet them, and there’s a moment where Hypnos can’t even see him, ensconced as he is in her billowing fog. He wonders if she’s missed him too. As long as it’s been since Hypnos has been held by his brother, it’s been longer since the Lethe held them both together like this. But he’s also on a timer here - he can practically hear Than’s voice - the dead won’t wait forever, Hypnos - and he kind of wants to bask in his brother’s presence, to soak this whole interaction up like a sponge so he can have it later in case Thanatos decides that this was more than enough affection for the next few eons, thanks, so he surreptitiously shoos the motes of fog away.
He’ll tell her all about it later, he promises!
Thanatos lets go of his hand when they enter the inner sanctum, and the loss is far outweighed by the sheer delight at Thanatos being here ! It feels like Helios has taken up residence in Hypnos’s chest, gaudy chariot and all! But man, if he’d known Thanatos was going to be here, he might have gone to the trouble of tidying up a bit, since Thanatos likes things neat. As it stands, things are a bit of a mess! He’s a busy guy now, with the record-keeping job and all! So the alchemy tables are a little dusty, the shelves with their multicolored jars of distilled dreams and bottled nightmares have their contents haphazardly jumbled, the nest of lavender and vervain that cradle his bed in the center of the room have become overgrown and wild, stems woody and blossoms wilted. And worst of all, collecting in corners and tangled in his blankets, tucked into the grass and drifting dreamily into the Lethe - there are fluffy white feathers everywhere .
“Sorry!” He squeaks, cheeks warm. “About the mess! I don’t get a lot of visitors, haha!” He might be panicking a bit, since he’s not exactly sure what it is that they’re meant to be doing here - he would be blissfully happy to just sit with his brother for a bit, or maybe take a nap with him, but maybe that’s not what Thanatos wants? How funny - he’s with his twin in his own house and somehow he still feels like he’s intruding.
Thanatos frowns, floating down to pluck a downy quill from the lavender stems. He twists it in his fingers, the low light of the cave making the white of it nearly luminous. The frown lingers, becoming a creased line in his brow, and he looks up at where Hypnos is floating nervously above him.
“You’ve been molting?”
Well, the simple answer is yes , but the longer answer is a bit more complex. When they were young, molting was an every-other-eon type deal, but he had Thanatos’ gentle hands and Mom - Mother Nyx’s soothing touch to help, and he and Thanatos went through it together , giggling as they heaped their loose feathers together, night-black and cloud-white. And then Thanatos grew up and out and away, and then the Queen came and left, and then he had a new brother with mismatched eyes and fiery feet, and Mother Nyx was too busy to help him - she wanted him to be independent , like all his other siblings, and she’d told him that he was capable enough now to handle such matters on his own, and he’d felt, for the first time in his existence, like a little hole had opened up in the fabric of his being, right next to his heart.
He’d learned later that the humans called it loneliness.
To his own credit, he’d certainly tried. He’d bent his arms as far at they would go, twisted his shoulders until they popped, even tried changing his shape, but he could never quite reach the spots that Thanatos had groomed for him so effortlessly, could never quite rid himself of the itching-burning that came with the growth of new feathers. And then it just wouldn’t stop - he’d thought about asking Mother Nyx once, but she’d made it pretty clear that this was his problem to solve, so he continued to awake from every stretch of sleep haloed in a small sea of feathers, shed almost as quickly as they’d grown in, his wings one solid mass of prickling, buzzing pain. His only source of relief had been sweet Lethe, and she’d tried her best to soothe him, but the comfort could only last until his wings had dried once more. He can still feel them, the itch-burn-pain of them where he’s tucked them away inside himself - he really only brings them out here, anymore, and he doesn’t get much time here, anymore, so he hasn’t seen them much at all, lately.
And well! That’s life! No point in complaining about it.
He’s gotten a bit more creative with his feathers, though! He’s taken to stuffing pillows with them and pawning them off on whichever residents of Elysium will take them. The ones who actually use them say they’ve never slept better - and it’s true! He would know! Maybe he should try giving one to Zag, maybe it might help the guy actually rest for once! Oh, Thanatos is staring at him. Oh, Thanatos had asked a question, and he’s waiting on an answer! Of course!
“Yeah!” He chirps, “Never really stop these days.” Something like concern flickers across Thanatos’ face, and Hypnos scrambles frantically for levity. “I’ve gotten really good at stuffing pillows! You can have one if you want!”
“You’ve been shedding enough to stuff pillows?” He says it so incredulously, like he’s waiting on Hypnos to announce that this was all a merry joke and shower him in confetti.
“Mhm! The shades really seem to like them - well, the ones that use them for sleeping, anyways!”
“You’ve had help, then?”
“With the pillows? Nah, they’re not hard to make! You just -”
“ No , Hypnos,” Thanatos’ voice is sharp enough to cut his chatter of pillow-making short, and the rest of his words die in his throat. “With the molting. You’ve had assistance?”
Thanatos’ golden eyes are boring into him, and a little seed of nervousness plants itself right in his throat. This conversation has taken an abrupt turn that Hypnos isn’t sure he likes! Right into questions that have secret right and wrong answers territory! But the only answer he has at the moment is the true one, so he’s going to have to go with that.
“Nope!” He pops the ‘p’, tries to interject a bit of pride into his voice because that’s the right answer, isn’t it? That he’s been independent enough not to bother or beg anyone into solving this for him. “Well, unless you count the Lethe. I have to bathe sometimes, y’know!” His wings may be an unsalvageable mess, but the rest of him is perfectly soft and clean, and he smells like flowers.
The crease in Thanatos’ brow deepens, and the little seed of nervousness in Hypnos’ throat quickens.
“You’ve been doing this alone?”
“Yes?” He’d thought that was the right answer, but suddenly he’s not quite so sure. “I mean, you’ve been managing alone just fine!”
Thanatos’ eyes narrow in what might be confusion. “I don’t manage alone.” And Hypnos just stops and stares as his brother flushes golden. “I have… Megaera’s help. And Zagreus’, more recently.”
Huh.
Well that makes sense, since Meg’s got her own wing even if it doesn’t have feathers, and Zag’s always ready to throw down with everyone else’s problems, and they’re all together now aren’t they? Cohabitating and everything. But Hypnos doesn’t have anyone like that. Megaera tolerates him, but not nearly as well as she tolerates Thanatos, and Zag’s his best friend! But Zag has a job now, like a real official job! And now he’s busy too! But Zag also likes problems - you set a problem in front of the guy and whew ! Just watch him go! He could probably ask Zag, he might not even be weirded out by it. Zag’s really nice like that.
“I guess I could ask Zag -”
“No!” Thanatos snaps, and Hypnos flinches. There’s a moment of quiet where Hypnos can practically hear his brother counting to ten. “No,” he says again, softer this time. “No, Hypnos, you - I’m telling you that I will help you. If you’re amenable.”
“Aren’t you busy?” The question falls off his tongue before he can catch it - but it’s kind of a valid question! He’s kind of shocked that Than has stuck around this long, with how busy the mortals keep him. They sure do die an awful lot! “I mean - I don’t want to, y’know, keep the dead waiting, and all!”
His twin’s mouth presses into a thin, sharp line.
“I’m not too busy for this.” Hypnos’ uncertainty must show on his face, because Than’s eyes sharpen into golden blades. “I’m not ,” he snaps, and it makes Hypnos giggle past the knot of nerves that’s wrapped up tight in his chest, because Than sounds just like he always has, snipping at him in the same voice he’d used as children to announce that he’d made up his mind and wasn’t going to budge.
“Okay, Thanatos!” He says, Helios’ chariot crammed into his aching ribs, and he just kind of stares at his twin for a second, because he wants to press this into his memory, to soak it up and swim in it, because Thanatos is here and he’s not too busy for Hypnos, and that alone makes his soul so light that he floats a few more feet towards the ceiling.
Wowee, did Hypnos ever miss his brother!
There’s a sudden tug on his cape, and his yelp of shock nearly eclipses Than’s little huff of laughter as he tugs his buoyant twin back down to earth, coming to rest in the center of Hypnos’ great ebony bed, the endless coverlets and cushions flowing like the tide to accommodate them. He settles into the familiar softness, sinking in effortlessly, and Thanatos is looking at him expectantly -
“Well?”
Hypnos blinks drowsily. Well what?
Thanatos tsks , and makes an impatient beckoning motion, maneuvering to sit behind him. “Let me see.”
Oh.
It’s funny - he’s in the safest place he has permission to be in, with the safest person he could wish for, and his guts still writhe like agitated eels, because he’s going to have to show Thanatos that -
- well, that he failed . That he couldn’t do this on his own. He failed miserably and completely, and Thanatos is going to see his failure, and what if he tells Mom? She’ll be so disappointed in him, and what if Than stops talking to him again?
“Um!” He squeaks, fingers digging into the fleecy cloth of his cape. “Are you, uh, sure?”
“ Hypnos .”
“Alright! Okay!” Away come the golden pauldrons, tossed aside with his heavy cloak. He takes a deep breath, and pulls his wings out from where they’d been tucked away next to his soul, unfurling them into the still, sleepy air. And winces, as Thanatos sucks in a breath behind him.
He knows they must be a sight. He’d stopped preening them a while back, because why bother? He’d only lose the feathers anyways. They’d fall right out at the slightest touch, and then he’d get these awful bald patches, so he’d really stopped touching them altogether - meaning, really, that his only regular maintenance has been the occasional dip in the Lethe when possible. And now they look - he steals a glance - well. Bad. An ugly patchwork of dull, lusterless feathers that drop by the handful at the slightest provocation, with scattered patches of blotchy, irritated bare skin studded with thick, waxy pinfeathers still in their paper-thin skins. The itching-burning-pain is harder to ignore when they’re out like this, and he has to wind his fingers into the sheets so he doesn’t start to pick at them.
“Hypnos,” his brother’s voice is weirdly neutral in a way he’s not sure he likes. “How long has it been like this?”
“Oh, you know!” Hypnos waves a hand, aiming for airy and nonchalant but landing somewhere manic and half-strangled, and to salt the wound, the motion makes a tattered handful of feathers drift into the air. “A while!”
“ Hypnos! ” Thanatos hisses through what sounds like clenched teeth. “Why didn’t you say something!”
I don’t want you to be disappointed in me! It almost flies out of his mouth, but he clamps his jaw shut so hard that the bone creaks. There are a thousand things he could say. He could joke ( Then how would I stuff my pillows, Thanatos? ), or lie ( Oh, it’s not so bad! Most days I don’t even notice! ), but a joke would probably make Thanatos angry, and the lies sit so sweetly , so tempting on his tongue but they burn like fire as he swallows them back, smoldering in the pit of his stomach. The truth is such an ugly, wretched thing, but he doesn’t want to lie, not to Thanatos.
“Everyone was so busy,” he doesn’t mean for it to come out quite as watery as it does, so he forces himself to sit a bit straighter, to summon a bit of cheer, to keep his wings tucked tightly against his back, ignoring how the muscles cramp for want of a good long stretch. “It just never seemed important enough to make it onto the list, y’know?” He forces a strained laugh at his own little pun, because lists ! He makes those now! Thanatos likes that he makes those now! Everyone likes that he makes lists and he is not going to cry like a scolded dog in front of his own brother-
Guh-dong!
This one takes him by surprise, and he claps his hands over his ears just a split second too late to avoid having his brain rattled about in his skull. When the green flash fades and the room falls silent but for the ringing in his ears, he is, predictably, alone.
Huh. Guess that’s curtains.
That went better than he was expecting! Maybe in an age or two, Thanatos might even agree to spend some time with him again! It certainly won’t be anytime soon, because Than only lets the bell get that loud when he’s really got a snake up his skirts about something, and boy was that a real ear-ringer! He picks idly at the seam of the velvet quilt he’s sitting on, eyes beginning to burn as his bed tucks warm blankets around him -
Guh-dong!
This one also takes him by surprise! But this one is also a lot quieter, almost apologetically so, a drop of rain after a clap of thunder. His miraculously-reappeared brother folds himself up meticulously behind him before he can so much as pinch himself just to be sure , and he’s been caught a bit flat-footed here, because he’d thought for sure that Than wasn’t coming back but here he is! Wow! Maybe he should be getting used to the fact that Thanatos is a well of surprises today because wow ! They just keep on coming!
“Thanatos?” He squeaks, chancing a look backwards. The crease hasn’t left Than’s brow, but his eyes are alright with a strange, intense resolution, not dark with the ire he’d expected to see.
“We are going to fix this ,” his brother growls, and wowee there’s the I’ve made up my mind voice again!
He’s got a little box in his lap that Hypnos can only just see over the curve of his own shoulder, long and flat, carved of some dark stone that shimmers as it catches the faint light of Elysium’s distant green glow. Several items are withdrawn: a comb with teeth spaced strangely far apart, several long tapered dowels capped with bronze, the functions of which Hypnos can only begin to speculate on before all his thoughts evaporate in a swirl of smoke as Thanatos lays a firm hand on the ridge of his spine where it sits between his wings.
That’s the only warning he gets before Thanatos gets to work.
He quickly becomes aware that the items Thanatos has procured do indeed have functions! The wide-toothed comb slips easily between the vanes of his feathers, lining the rows up neatly to be divided and pinned into place with the dowels. With each pass of comb or fingers, feathers slough off in great clumps, collecting in little white snowdrifts on the bedspread, or floating on the soft, steady breaths of his brother as he works, drifting weightlessly into the air. Is this what autumn trees feel like? Leaves falling until all that remains is barren branch, ready to sleep the winter away. All of Hypnos’ leaves have fallen, now. He must look awfully funny with his bare wings covered only in their fluffy, downy underclothes, but Thanatos doesn’t laugh at him.
He also quickly becomes aware that this hurts . His wings are rife with tattered edges, snapped vanes, and broken blood feathers clotted with ugly sapphire scabs. A hundred little tragedies living in his skin, ripe for the harvest, and Thanatos plucks them free with fingers as swift and precise as a swing of his scythe, leaving only blotchy, angry marks behind. Hypnos bites his tongue to keep from yelping, but he can’t always catch himself before he flinches and though every time he worries that this will be the one to jolt his brother into flight, Thanatos’ hands never falter.
But the pain cannot even begin to touch the cloud of sheer relief that he’s suspended on. His brother’s hands are so cool and gentle that Hypnos could cry - might have, at some point! But he’s caught up in such bliss that it doesn’t even matter , because he is in the safest place with the safest person, and it’s like being wrapped in the warmest, softest blanket, like balm on weeping wounds. The chariot, golden and bright behind his ribs, calms and cools into a flickering fireplace, suffusing him with warmth, and he droops like melting wax into the hands that catch him.
(There is within him an echo of a memory, worn soft like a favorite toy, a little piece of him that never really wanted to grow up that sleeps in the cradle of his soul. A ghost of the child he was that he both wants to leave behind and cannot bear to leave behind, the child who watched Thanatos leave again and again and never questioned whether he would return.
The echo stirs in the fabric of their darkness, smiling sleepily from the depths because they know and have always known - beyond the seeds of doubt that time and angry words have sown - that he loves and is loved , and that Thanatos will always come back.)
Hypnos barely even registers when Thanatos’ hands leave his wings for good until the snap of the box lid rouses him with a jolt. He’s balanced right on the edge of a truly epic nap, really one for the ages, because the buzzing, burning pain has been mellowed into something achy and sore and infinitely tolerable, but his child-self cries that there’s a second half to this ritual that he can’t just leave incomplete.
“Y’r turn,” he mumbles, trying to shake himself back into the waking world, but Thanatos only huffs a laugh and ruffles his hair, and oh doesn’t that just send joy flowing through him like liquid gold, because how long has it been since Thanatos has done that?
“I’ll take my turn next time. Rest well, brother.”
Hypnos’ soft noise of acquiesce is swallowed up by the blankets that slither up to tuck him in. He barely hears the whisper-soft rush of wings that announces his brother’s departure with how loudly his domain is beckoning him, sweet and insistent, and he slips into it with a smile on his face because his brother had said next time . There’s going to be a next time ! And he just can’t think of anything better than that.
(He sleeps right through his next shift by the Pool, but nobody - not even Master Hades! - says a single word to him about it.)
-o-
Gentle dawn turns to blinding day, and Death retreats, for just a moment, beneath the earth. The Styx waits, as she always does, murmurs filling his little alcove with soothing noise. Not loud enough - never loud enough to drown out the rush of footfalls upon the marble, the hot-bright beat of Zagreus’ heart drawing closer and closer until there are arms wrapped around his waist.
“Than!”
It never fails to tug at something in his chest to hear Zagreus greet him, eyes lighting up like Death is somehow the best thing he’s seen all day-or-night, and he waits for the pleasant overwhelm to recede along with the gold dusting his cheeks before he peels Zagreus’ arms away so he can turn and face his lover properly. His Prince meets him with a boyish, delighted smile that shifts into something warmly curious, his gaze breaking from Thanatos’ to dart upwards.
“You’ve got something -” he makes a vague gesture towards his head, and when Thanatos only stares at him blankly, his eyes soften with fondness, and he pulls Death down from where he’d been suspended midair until Zagreus can reach up and fuss with Thanatos’ hair. He’s so very gentle, tongue caught between teeth, all his boundless, indomitable determination focused solely on this - and after a moment, he pulls his hands away, and something comes with him.
A large, fluffy down feather clings to his fingers, pearl-white and bright as a star against Thanatos’ blacks, browns, and bronzes. Noticeably, painfully bright. He can feel the flush creeping into his cheeks as he recounts the several hours he’s spent on the surface with this brazen new accessory clinging to his hair.
“You could have told me,” he mutters to his scythe, whose great glassy eye crinkles, the blade humming in what might be laughter. Zagreus, at least, has the decency to not to join in, instead twirling the soft feather between his fingers, lifting it high into the air and watching it drift dreamily down into his cupped palms.
“This isn’t yours.” It’s not really a question, but Thanatos confirms with a shake of his head regardless. Zagreus squints at it for a moment before turning back to give Thanatos a cheeky grin, and Thanatos really should have seen this coming, because he knows quite well that Zag is far more canny than many give him credit for. “You and Hypnos have been getting along better, then?”
He opens his mouth to say something snappy and churlish, still bright with residual embarrassment because he’s a professional and people saw - but the luminous brightness of the drifting downy feather catches his eye, and his petulant frown softens into a little private smile he can see echoed in Zagreus’ gemstone eyes.
“Yes, actually. We have.”