Chapter Text
“BeanBoozled?”
Anne blinked in confusion as she beheld the colorful box Sasha was holding up. She and Sasha sat on the couch in the living room of the apartment they shared with Marcy, who at the moment was searching through the board game cabinet for a suitable game for their weekly game night.
“Picked it up while I was out running errands today,” Sasha said. “Thought it could be a fun way to spice up game night.”
“How are jelly beans gonna make game night more interesting?” Anne asked with a furrowed brow.
Sasha grinned and gave the box a shake, the candy contents rattling within. “Ah, but these are no ordinary jelly beans. There are ten colors, but twenty possible flavors. Each color can be something really good, or really really bad, and the only way to tell is to pop one in your mouth and hope for the best. Take a look.”
Sasha passed the box to Anne. Her eyes widened as she beheld the flavors on the back. “Birthday cake or dirty dishwater? Coconut or spoiled milk? Peach or barf!? Jeez, it’s like Russian Roulette with candy!”
“Nah, at least with Russian Roulette the odds are five-to-one in your favor,” Marcy said as she walked over to the couch, a huge stack of boxes in her hands. “With those it’s more like a coin flip. Heads you get a delicious bean, tails you get one that’ll make you wanna die.”
“Exactly,” Sasha said with a smirk and a mischievous glint in her eye. “What do you say, girls? Wanna raise the stakes this week?”
“Sounds potentially disgusting and humiliating,” Marcy said, setting the board games on the table and taking a seat on the couch next to Anne. She grinned. “I’m in.”
“Me too,” Anne said, smiling and handing the box back to Sasha. “What did you have in mind?”
Sasha hmmm’ed as she looked over the games Marcy was offering. “We need a simple game. Let’s see here... Clue, no… Cards Against Humanity, Settlers of Catan, Boss Monster… no, no, nope… Ah, perfect! Would You Rather. ”
Sasha opened up the game in question, took out a stack of cards and began shuffling them as she continued speaking. “So here’s what I’m thinking: we each take turns drawing a card and asking an either/or question for the other two to answer. Anyone who picks the less popular option has to eat a random bean out of the box. Sound good?”
Anne and Marcy nodded. Sasha set the deck of cards down and drew the top one. “Cool, I’ll start us off then. Anne, Marcy, would you rather… punch a pilgrim or eat an avocado?”
Anne sputtered out a laugh. “What kind of question is that?”
“That’s just the game,” Marcy said with a shrug. “Some of the choices have logic to them, others are just completely random. I think I’d rather eat an avocado, they’re loaded with nutrients and can be used to make guacamole.”
“Avocado it is,” Sasha said. “Anne?”
Anne pursed her lips. “Well from what I remember from history class, the Pilgrims were kind of dicks… But I think I’ll go with the avocado too.”
“And those are your final answers?” Sasha asked her girlfriends. Anne and Marcy nodded. “Well congratulations! According to the card fifty-nine percent of people agree with you.”
Marcy and Anne high-fived. Sasha discarded the card and Anne reached for the deck to draw her own card.
“Okay Marcy, Sasha, would you rather… have no teeth or have no tongue?”
“Oof, that’s a tough one,” Sasha said. “Either one of those would make eating a pain in the ass.”
Marcy rubbed her chin. “I think I’d rather have no teeth. ‘Cause at least if you have a tongue you could still taste stuff.”
“But how would you chew with no teeth so you don’t choke and die?” Sasha asked.
“Well that’s what blenders are for. Plus no tongue means you can’t talk either.”
“Oh, that’s a good point. Yeah, I’ll go with no teeth too.”
Anne nodded, discarding her card. “You and sixty-three percent of people. Congrats girls, no one gets to try the beans yet. You’re up Marbles.”
Marcy drew a card. “Sash, Anne, would you rather… sing everything you say or dance all your movements?”
“Sing everything,” Sasha said with a proud smirk. “After all, I’m a heart-stomper~! Stompin’ on hearts~!”
Anne and Marcy laughed. “Oh man I haven’t thought about our old garage band in years,” Marcy said. “We should break out the instruments one of these days, for old time’s sake.”
“Yeah but it’s been so long we probably suck,” Anne said. “Dancing was always more my thing, so that’s what I’m going with.”
“Ooh, first time two of us have picked different options,” Marcy said. She reached down for the BeanBoozled box. “Those are your final answers?” The other two girls nodded. “And the jelly bean goes to… Anne!”
“Aw, for real?” Anne asked as Sasha pumped a fist in the air. Marcy nodded and showed the text on the card: fifty-six percent of people would rather sing as opposed to forty-four who’d rather dance. “Damn it. Okay, let’s see what we’ve got here…”
On the back of the box was a circle of the ten jelly beans with a built-in spinner. She gave the spinner a flick and watched it slow until it settled on brown. “Okay that’s… chocolate pudding or canned dog food? Oh boy.”
Anne picked through the box of candies, pulling out a single brown bean. She held the candy up between her thumb and forefinger, gulping audibly. “Well. Here we go…”
Marcy and Sasha watched with great interest as Anne plopped the candy in her mouth. She slowly chewed… and a smile graced her face.
“Oh thank God, it’s chocolate pudding!” She said, swallowing.
“Aw, well that’s no fun,” Sasha said with an exaggerated pout. “You were supposed to get a gross one so me and Marcy could laugh at your misfortune.”
“Hey, the night’s still young,” Anne said. “Don’t forget you could also end up with a gross bean, Sasha.”
“Well not this time, ‘cause it’s my turn to ask the question.” Sasha drew the next card of the deck. “Would you rather… be dangled over the edge of the cliff or forced to speak in public?”
“Dangled off a cliff,” Marcy said instantly.
“Really, Mar-Mar?” Anne asked flatly.
“You girls know how I am about public speaking! Why do you think I did most of the work during our group projects back in school and left the actual presentations to you two?”
“Yeah, but we’re talking about public speaking vs. being dangled off a cliff! ”
“It doesn’t say anywhere that you actually get dropped!”
Anne rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I’ll still go with public speaking.”
“You and seventy-eight percent of people,” Sasha said. “Sorry Marcy, but the price of not having to speak in public is a gross jelly bean.”
“Totally worth it,” Marcy said defiantly. She picked up the box and flicked the spinner. “And I get… toasted marshmallow or stink bug.”
She plucked a brown-and-white bean from the box and plopped it in her mouth. She slowly chewed, and her neutral expression slowly morphed into disgust.
“Oh. Oh that doesn’t taste good,” she said. Her jaw moved again and she gagged, hand going to her mouth. “Oh that’s really not good!”
Anne tried to cover her giggle with a closed fist. “I don’t think she got the toasted marshmallow,” she said to Sasha, who openly laughed and slapped her knee. Marcy hunched over, face contorting.
“Ugh, it tastes like how stink bugs smell,” Marcy said with a grimace. “That sucked .”
“Could’ve avoided it if you just did a little public speaking,” Sasha said in a sing-song voice.
“Bite me, Sash,” Marcy grumbled. “Let’s see how you like it when you get one of those beans. Draw a card, Anna-Banana.”
Anne nodded and did so. “Would you rather own a mini horse or own a regular horse?”
“Ooh, I’d love a mini horse,” Sasha said with a smile. “They can actually be kept as house pets, right?”
“Yeah, but they still require a lot of upkeep,” Marcy pointed out. “If you’re gonna have a horse, it might as well be a full-sized one you can actually ride. I’d rather have a regular horse.”
“Well I’ve got good news Marcy, so would fifty-nine percent of people.” Anne said. Sasha crossed her arms with a hmph as Marcy smirked.
“Go ahead, take a bean Sasha,” Marcy said, holding the box out and giving it a taunting rattle.
“Fine, I will,” Sasha said haughtily. She accepted the box and spun the spinner. “And I got… buttered popcorn or rotten egg.”
Sasha quickly fished a yellow-and-white spotted jelly bean out of the box and quickly popped it in her mouth, face full of determination. Seconds passed as she chewed, Anne and Marcy watching her expression closely.
Finally, Sasha smirked.
“Buttered popcorn it is!” She said triumphantly. “Once again Sasha Waybright comes out on top.”
“Seriously?” Marcy plopped back on the couch, crossing her arms and letting out a frustrated exhale. “I can’t believe I’m the only person who didn’t get a good bean yet!”
“Cheer up Marbles, I’m sure you’ll get a tasty bean at some point,” Anne said. “Now draw the next card, this is getting good!”
---
“Green,” Marcy said. It was a few questions later and she’d picked another lower option, choosing to only have access to games online along with thirty-three percent of people, compared to sixty-seven percent who’d rather have access to only Youtube. The spinner had given her a light-green bean to sample. “That’s juicy pear or booger? Oh jeez…”
She picked a green jelly bean from the box and popped it in her mouth, chewing tentatively. She retched, cheeks turning as green as the candy she just ate.
“Oh God it’s booger,” she said with a retch, to Anne and Sasha’s shared amusement. “ Blech, plech! Oh that’s foul!”
“Okay, so you got two bad ones in a row,” Anne said between giggles. “I’m sure you’ll have better luck next time.”
---
“More people would rather drink tea than coffee, are you for real?!” Marcy asked, incredulous.
“Well coffee is an acquired taste, and there’s like a million different varieties of tea,” Anne pointed out, having picked the tea option to the question Sasha had given.
“Yeah but… coffee!”
“We get it Marcy, you love your bean water,” Sasha said. “But you still picked the lesser option, so it’s jelly bean time.”
Marcy gave the spinner a twirl and grimaced. “Strawberry banana smoothie or dead fish?! Oh this isn’t gonna be fun.”
She dug through the box until she found a lightly-colored orange bean with red speckles. With a heavy sigh she tossed it in her mouth, and her face contorted in disgust almost instantly.
“Dead - ack, hack - fish!” She said between gags. Anne looked like she was caught between sympathy and amusement, while Sasha was openly laughing.
“Man Marcy, those beans really hate you,” Sasha said, wiping a tear from her eye.
---
“Oh goodie, I got another one wrong,” Marcy said with a too-wide smile. “Silly me for thinking more people would rather die by drowning in a tsunami than throw themselves in lava.”
She let out a short, desperate laugh as she grabbed the box of jelly beans. “You know what? That’s fine, it’s fine. So what if three of three beans have tasted like garbage? One of them is bound to be good sooner or later. I mean if you flip a coin enough times, it’s bound to come up heads at some point. That’s just the law of averages, yeah.”
“Uh, I think that’s the gambler’s fallacy,” Sasha pointed out with a raised brow.
“Shut up and let me have hope, Sasha.” Marcy spun the spinner and giggled again. “Oh good, it’s peach or barf. That’s fine, that’s totally fine. Nothing to worry about, I’ve got a good feeling about this one.”
She plucked another jelly bean out of the box, this one a darker orange with red flecks. She kept giggling, one of her eyes twitching.
“You sure you’re okay, Marcy?” Anne asked, concerned.
“I’m just peachy , Anne!” Marcy said, far too brightly. “Peachy like I’m sure this jelly bean will be!”
She stuffed in her mouth, chewing quickly. The smile remained frozen on her face even as her eyes began to water.
“Aaaand it’s barf because why not?!” Marcy doubled over, hacking and coughing. “Oh God it’s on the sides of my tongue!”
Anne gave Marcy a comforting pat on the back. Sasha just shook her head with a chuckle.
“Okay, maybe we should give BeanBoozled a rest before Marcy keels over,” she said. “It was funny at first, but now it’s just getting sad.”
“No no, I’m fine,” Marcy insisted even as she kept gagging. “I can get a good bean at some point, I know I can!”
Anne and Sasha exchanged uncertain glances as Marcy grabbed the next card, it being her turn to read the question. “Okay, would you - blech - rather be a Jedi master or an elite Saiyan?”
“Ooh, I’d rather be a Saiyan,” Anne said instantly. “I love Dragon Ball!”
“Well I guess I’ll be a Jedi,” Sasha said with a shrug. “At least I’ve actually seen Star Wars. I’ve only seen like a handful of Dragon Ball episodes.”
“Well sixty-eight percent of people agree with you, Sasha,” Marcy said. “Sorry Anne, looks like it’s your turn for a bean.”
Anne nodded and spun the box’s spinner with a swift finger flick. Around and around it spun until it landed on blue. “That’s berry blue or toothpaste.”
“Aw man, you got an easy one,” Marcy said with a pout as Anne picked a blue jelly bean out of the box. “Toothpaste doesn’t even taste that bad.”
Anne looked to Marcy as she plopped the bean in her mouth. Marcy, who’d been unfortunate enough to get four terrible-tasting jelly beans in a row. She smiled as an idea formed in her brain.
“Hey Mar-Mar,” Anne said, voice slightly muffled with her mouth full.
Marcy looked up, and didn’t even have time to react before Anne pulled her in for a surprise kiss. Marcy’s face lit up as she felt Anne’s tongue push past her lips, too stunned by the audacity to offer any sort of resistance. Anne pulled away after a few seconds, and Marcy felt a familiar lump in her mouth.
“Oh my God!” Sasha laughed, a splash of red on her own cheeks as she brought a closed fist to her mouth. “Did you really just…? You didn’t! ”
“Yeah, I totally did,” Anne said proudly, blushing herself. “Well Marcy? What’s the verdict?”
Marcy’s face was burning as she slowly chewed, a pleasant taste spreading across her taste buds. “Berry…”