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Socially awkward Akutagawa does not understand extroverted heartthrob Atsushi.
Akutagawa does not understand how Nakajima Atsushi can saunter into the school halls like he's the morning sunshine itself embodied in a physical form. No one can look thatcheerful and ready for the day at 8 fucking am. There's just no way it's possible. But Atsushi manages, by some miracle, like he does with all other things in his life.
Atsushi puzzles Akutagawa. He puzzles him a lot.
Nakajima Atsushi is very outgoing.
There's no social event that he isn't invited to, no senior who doesn't clap him on the back when he passes by, no one who doesn't know how much of a star student he is. He draws the attention of everyone in any room that he enters and catches every eye with his sweet talk and sweeter smiles. And it's not like the fake, made-up facade that some people have, Atsushi looks like he genuinely enjoys being like that, like he knows everyone loves him and appreciates what he gets.
Everyone does love him, to be honest. The girls love him, the guys love him, Coach loves him, the teachers love him, hell, even the principal, who doesn't remember anyone, knows his name and praises him for holding the whole school's name on his back.
Dazai-senpai loves him.
Dazai-senpai, who knows nothing other than to sleep through classes or ogle at his redhead boyfriend till the latter gets annoyed at him, treats Atsushi as if he's the school's angel, their saving grace.
Maybe Atsushi has superpowers, or maybe everyone else is living in his world, where everyday he's the main character and pulls the strings of the story how he wants, because Akutagawa does not understand how he does it otherwise. And maybe, just maybe, he might just have the biggest crush on this boy who's far too different from him in every way possible, or, to phrase it how others do, way out of his league.
There's just no way someone like Akutagawa can approach Atsushi to go talk to him, much less express how he mayhaps feel about him.
Atsushi is bold, cheerful, friendly, vivacious and lovely. He's gorgeous in a way that is distinctive yet familiar. He's everything that Akutagawa isn't, because being aloof, quiet, "moody" and verbally, emotionally, basically all-around constipated does not fit well with Atsushi.
They're complete opposites.
But that doesn't mean they don't cross paths because Atsushi's aura extends over the entirety of the school.
Akutagawa doesn't know if the universe was blessing him or cursing him today. He's spent two hours on the track, burning himself inside out. He feels nauseous, exhausted and ready to go home so he can pass out(or not, because he probably has a shit ton of classwork left) when he hears Dazai-senpai of all people from behind.
"Akutagawa-kun!"
Me?
He's calling me?
"Oi! Slow down, would you? I'm not built for this."
Ironic, coming from someone who always tells Akutagawa to build up his physique.
The brunet is already panting, hands on his knees to catch his breath when Akutagawa turns around.
"I—gosh—I may have accidently stole Kunikida-kun's spare clothes that he keeps in his shower lockers—man—he's gonna come back—from swim practice—soon—jesus, how fast do you walk?!"
Dazai heaves a breath, face in a painful grimace as he tries to return his breathing to normal—
When someone delivers an agonizing kick to his butt.
"OW!"
"That's what you get for harassing everyone around, asshole."
"Harassing. Such an ugly word, Chuuya. I prefer the term friendly teasing or bringing fun into this abyss of a melancholic world—OW!"
"Melancholic, my ass. Now Fukuzawa-san thinks I'm your partner in crime just because we're dating, while I had nothing to do with this."
"Are you saying you're not my partner in crime?"
"Are you admitting to committing one?"
"Babe, c'mon—
Chuuya walks away as if he didn't just almost body-slammed his boyfriend into the ground, casually flipping him off without looking back. "Babe me when you've cleaned up your shit."
Well, Akutagawa must admit, he gets to see a new part of Dazai when Chuuya-san's around, and he can't say he hates it. Because anyone with eyes can see, Dazai looks much more animated and more like the young, foolish boy that he is with Chuuya.
"Anyways, sorry about that, I need you to put this back into Kunikida's locker before he
comes back and finds out his glasses—I mean, his clothes—are missing. God, have you heard him losing his shit twice in a day because he couldn't find his notebook one time? And the thing is he always thinks it's me who touched his stuff! Kunikida-kun needs to sort his anger-issues towards me..."
Akutagawa holds up the duffle bag. "Doesn't swim practice end in ten minutes, Dazai-senpai?"
"Right! Run along then! I'm assuming you know Kunikida's locker since everyone does. Have a great day, Akutagawa-kun!" And with that he's gone, melting into the sea of students crowding around them.
When will Dazai-senpai learn to clean his own shit?
The boy's shower locker room is mostly empty when Akutagawa makes his way inside. It makes sense; there's still a few minutes to go for practice to end and it's Friday. And the only people who come to practice on Friday are work-hards like Kunikida-san or those who gets dragged from the scruff by the instructor.
The only problem is that Akutagawa doesn't know which one is Kunikida-san's locker because he has never been here.
Dazai-senpai must have forgotten Akutagawa isn't on the swim team, or that he avoids swim practice like he would the plague. And so now how does he expect Akutagawa to know—
"Oh—I—sorry, I thought—
The universe must really hate him to make him run into Nakajima Atsushi, of all people, changing in front of his locker.
"Oh—hi! No! It's okay. I just finished early today because I had a leg cramp in the water. Please, you can go on with your work."
People like Nakajima Atsushi has leg cramps? Akutagawa thought he was practically immune to all health issues and that he was invincible.
"And I'm also mostly dressed so I don't think it's a problem," Atsushi adds with a laugh and oh my godhis laugh is beautiful. How does someone laugh like that? Like it could make the sun jealous by lighting up everything, or tinkling bells in the wind or the fresh scent of the falling sakura petals.
Like magic.
Maybe Atsushi does have superpowers.
Akutagawa steps forward, avoiding looking at him and trying to focus on reading the number plates of the lockers, as if that would somehow tell him which one was Kunikida-san's. He's pretty sure once he looks at Atsushi he won't be able to stop staring at him. And maybe he might find it creepy and awkward which is exactly why Akutagawa doesn't want to look because that's the last presumption that he wants Atsushi to make about him.
Creepy and Awkward
"I saw you on the track today," Atsushi starts, turning towards him while Akutagawa thought he might have already left. "Well actually, I see you on the track most days. You know my friend Tanizaki? He's on the team too. I just think it's really cool how you're very—um—active. On the track."
Was Nakajima Atsushi making conversation with him? Him, with him, with social outcast, agonizingly introverted Ryuunosuke "Emotagawa"?
Say something back, Ryuu.
Right.
He's supposed to say something back.
"Uh, thanks."
"Oh shit, I'm so sorry, you must think I'm some creep who looks at you on the track. My name's Nakajima Atsushi! I'm on the swim team."
Akutagawa gags internally. There's no one who doesn't know Atsushi, or thinks he's a creep. Probably more than half of the school knows what color socks he wears on the weekends and that's only basic intel.
"Akutagawa. Ryuunosuke Akutagawa," he replies, staring at their interlocked hands as Atsushi shakes the life out of his.
"Oh, you're Akutagawa-kun—I've heard so much about you! Dazai-senpai brags about you all the time!"
Akutagwa feels as if the room is spinning. Yeah, maybe he does need to pass out soon because "heard so much about you"? "Dazai-senpai"? "Brags about you all the time"?
Impossible.
"He always tell us how hardworking you are and how you always ace every test. Frankly, it gets kinda annoying for some of us because not everyone can keep straight A's all the time. I'm kidding, I'm kidding! All good things about you..."
He laughs again and Akutagawa thinks he might just die from it.
"I—uh—thank you. Good to hear that."
He might just as well slap himself repeatedly. Here Atsushi is, his lifelong crush and school's star student, laughing while shaking his hand and introducing himself, and Akutagawa has spoken maybe an estimate of seven words, three of them being "thank you" and "sorry".
Go crawl in a hole and die, Ryuu.
Breathe.
In and out.
Slow, steady.
Now or never.
"I—
God, why did he even start that sentence? Without having anything to say? 'I see you in swim practice, too'? He doesn't even go near the pool!
"Yes?" Atsushi prods and his heterochromatic eyes glimmer.
"I..."
He's so goddamn beautiful up close, as if he isn't from afar. But up close, Akutagawa can see the way the purple of his eyes blend seamlessly into the gold underneath, the way his loose silver bangs kiss his right cheek when he inclines his head and it gets a little hard to breathe being this close to him.
"Most people think I'm too violent," Akutagawa blurts, seeing Atsushi's eyes widen. Clearly he wasn't expecting him to say that.
Stupid, stupid, he's so stupid.
"On the track—I mean—because I spend so much time there and keep on running till I can't, which is most of the time—because I can't engage in physical activity much..."
Real smooth, Ryuu. So romantic, telling your crush why you're not built for what you chose, and then proceeding to explain why people make fun of you for that.
"Oh, is there a specific reason why you can't? You don't have to answer if you don't want to. I was just curious."
"N-no it's fine," anyone is rarely curious about Akutagawa, let alone question him for why he is the way he is. He's lived in that silence for so long he forgot what it felt like feel someone's interest in him.
"I have weak lungs since birth," Akutagawa admits as if he's thrown that information around all his life, which he hasn't. But that's the thing about Atsushi: he makes conversation easy. "Also strenuous exercise isn't good for my heart, because it makes me really tired afterwards."
"I see..." Atsushi keeps his face neutral, expressionless, no different than how he normally looks but Akutagawa can't help feeling a tad bit guilty for it.
Way to kill the mood, Ryuu.
"I don't think you're too violent," Atsushi says, "but you do work really hard on track. Is it okay for you to push yourself that much...?"
"Not really..." Akutagawa averts his gaze. No, it's not okay for him to push himself that much. But how does he explain that he doesn't feel like he's pushing himself as much as he feels like it
is needed, like it is necessary for him to work that much to the point where he feels like it's enough, like he's enough? He ignores the contraction in his chest, the burn in his legs when he runs, the shortness of breath that comes with the lump in his throat. It's easy to lose himself in all of it rather than feeling like he's missing something, like he's not good enough.
"Well," Atsushi scratches the back of his neck. It hasn't taken Akutagawa more than three sentences to bring the shift in the atmosphere and he hates himself for it. "I guess it's good to try hard and all, but don't push yourself to the point where it's critical and affects your health. Nothing is more important than that."
Akutagawa blinks. Atsushi wants him to look after his health. Right.
"Uh, sure, yeah. I'm fine, don't worry."
"But you can always come to swim practice if you ever consider switching. Yosano-san can show you some breathing exercises that can help." He adds cheerfully and Akutagawa...is forced to remember why he started to develop a crush on him in the first place. Atsushi treats the people around him as if it's his duty to keep them happy and feel helped, wanted, included, but he does so nonchalantly, like it's effortless and breezy. He's magnetic and easy-going. He amazes Akutagawa.
Too bad Akutagawa doesn't have the same impact on him.
"I...really appreciate the advice but I don't swim at school."
As if he swims, like, at all.
"Oh."
"Not that I have something against the swim team. I just don't like swimming in general." Yeah, just like he doesn't like showering in general, or anything that requires taking off his clothes in general.
"I see..." Atsushi says again and...
"Sorry, I don't really know how to make conversation—"
"No, god, it's okay. I'm sorry if I made it so awkward—"
"You didn't. If anything, it was me who made this awkward."
"I kept asking you for things you might have kept for personal reasons. Sorry if it was intrusive—
"I didn't find it intrusive." Akutagawa says and Atsushi visibly relaxes before he starts laughing.
"Really," he says between gasps, "we might as well start this whole thing all over again. God, I'm so sorry—
And Akutagawa feels his chest easing, feels the corner of his lips turning up when—
"DAZAI!!!!!"
Oh
Oh
FUCK.
"WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU TAKE MY CLOTHES, YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT?!"
Atsushi looks at Akutagawa, who looks at the bag in his hand, which was supposed to be in a locker fifteen minutes ago.
Bang!
The locker room doors slam close as Kunikida storms out in his swim trunks, undoubtedly heading to the class where Dazai is.
"Wait, this is why came into here in the first place?"
"Uh—yeah, I—Dazai-senpai, I mean, Kunikida-san—
"Oh—shoot, um—" Atsushi runs a hand through his hair, then grabs Akutagawa's hand and pulls him forward.
Wait what?
"What are you doing?"
They're already exiting the room and following the trail of Kunikida's curses.
"Just come along!"
Akutagawa must be dreaming, yeah, that's the only reasonable explanation for this. This netflix romcom-ish, meet-cute-but-more-of-a-meet-awkward, romance anime type situation except in romcoms there's no yells of "DIMWIT BASTARD SUICIDAL MANIAC" surrounding the couple in the school halls. Atsushi runs at a fleeting pace, dragging Akutagawa with him despite the latter almost always being seen more athletically active than him. But it could also be only because Akutagawa's brain simply refuses to function with his hand in Atsushi's and with Kunikida's voice getting on his nerves.
The white-haired boy dashes in front of their senpai as soon as he reaches him, blocking the doorframe with his body and flashes his brightest smile.
God, it's so beautiful it hurts.
Apparently, their senpai doesn't seem to agree so.
"Kunikida-san!" he greets cheerfully. "Hi!"
"What do you want, Atsushi? I'm busy at the moment."
"Ah, you wouldn't want to walk around half-naked like this, would you?"
"HAH?"
"I mean—WAIT!—Dazai-san doesn't have anything to do with it, my point is—"
He spreads his arms and legs as if that would somehow fully block Kunikida from knocking him over and entering anyway.
"My point is," Atsushi repeats, catching the blonde's attention, "Akutagawa-kun here was just going to bring you your bag that he found on the school compound."
"Cut the shit, kid. There's no way that my bag was on the school compound. Do you think you can bullshit me for something that suicidal maniac did? I know precisely where I place everything and where I keep my keys. HE'S THE ONE WHO KEEPS MESSING WITH MY STUFF SO WHY ARE YOU DEFENDING HIM?!"
"Mah, Kunikida-san, do you have any proof that Dazai-san did it?" Atsushi sighs, acting exasperated.
"Well, not yet, but—
"Also, haven't you heard of the group of students who are going around breaking into people's lockers?"
"What?" Kunikida's eyes widen. "Is that even real?"
"Oh, it might very much be real, Kunikida-san, they're duplicating keys and going through other people's stuff. No matter how securely you keep your keys, I've heard they somehow find a way to copy it."
"Such a group...exists?"
"Well, no one can know for sure, can they?" Atsushi gestures at Akutagawa to pass him the bag and when he does, presses it into the blonde's arms. "But whether it is a rumor or not, I think it's best to be wary."
"Right..." Kunikida looks dazed, trying to process the information while Atsushi looks at him with serious eyes.
"Besides, Dazai-san is supposed to tutor me this evening. He's probably gone home to drop Chuuya-san off. You know how they are."
Kunikida turns, accidently facing Akutagawa in the way, who stands there awkwardly before stepping aside to make way for his senior.
"Then, we'll be leaving, Kunikida-san!" Atsushi waves animatedly grabbing Akutagawa's hand to raise it so that the black-haired boy was also waving...sort of...at his senior, till he rounds the corner and disappears back into the locker room.
"Ah, that was close," Atsushi chuckles, dropping Akutagawa's hand and looking up at him when the latter snorts and a ghost of a smile appears on his lips. It's the first time that Akutagawa has smiled in front of anyone at school, and Atsushi is looking at him.
He's looking at him.
Oh wait shoot, he's looking at him.
"I—thank you, again, sorry for dragging you into this, I had no idea how long I was standing there—
"No, really it's fine, I just feel so bad because I was the one talking to you and delaying it when you came in."
"It's okay. I didn't mind talking to you." He says and immediately regrets it because it sounds so much like he's desperate to talk to Atsushi, which he is but Christ, Ryuu, at least be subtle about it.
"Hey, um, I actually do have a tutor session with Dazai-san today, but..." Atsushi pulls at the hems of his sleeves, "doyoumaybewannagogetcoffeesometimes?"
"What?"
"No—I—sorry, you don't have to if you don't want to, or if you don't like coffee—or if you don't like going out in general. I mean—we can go get tea if you like iced tea or milk tea or just tea, but only if you like it, it's not like you have to but I'm all for it if you are."
Akutagawa's brain stops.
Tea.
Yeah, he'd like tea.
He'd really like going out with Nakajima Atsushi for tea.
"Yeah, I like tea." He says before he forgets that he's suppose to voice it so that Atsushi knows.
"You do?"
"I do. I love tea."
I'd love to go out with you.
"Cool," Atsushi smiles and it's hard to look at him when he's so bright like that. "Tea it is then."
I'd love to spend time with you.
"Tea sounds great." Akutagawa chokes out and maybe he might just think Atsushi isn't so puzzling anymore. Because one thing is as clear as the cloudless late-afternoon sky outside.
I'd like to be with you.
"See you around, Akutagawa-kun." Atsushi raises a hand and before Akutagawa could reply, disappears into the crowd.
Back in the locker room, Kunikida straightens his shirt after he does all the buttons, shrugging on his coat and zipping it up. He's already nine minutes late for home, he can't let another second go to waste. He reaches into the locker, hand fumbling for the place where he usually keeps his glasses in exchange for his swim goggles during practice and—
"Dazai, you son of a b—