Chapter Text
Levi’s first instinct was to leave.
Everything was overwhelming—the sound of the party, the sight of all his comrades and the stench of drunk people. Levi never preferred the company of others, as he rarely sought needless conversation from others. Tonight seemed to be an exception, though, as he was the one to book a private carriage all the way to Shiganshina on his own volition.
He wanted to be here and celebrate, of course, as was the third anniversary of the war ending. He, of all people, should be grateful and proud of this event, as it symbolized an onslaught of peace and harmony for nations.
But it was all too much, especially for someone who was used to the barren and empty faces of soldiers who’d just lost their friends. The cocky grins and the bright eyes of the trainees he once knew have now matured into gentle smiles and peacefully blank expressions.
Levi was happy for them to find peace. Levi and his comrades have gone through quite a lot in the past several years and he was grateful for their hard work and sacrifice. There was a selfish part of him that couldn’t deny the emptiness that peace has brought him. The presence of his trainees and the adrenaline of the fight haunted him at every turn, his nightmares, his dreams and his flashbacks . . . There was one brat in particular who livened up Levi’s days in the military, and now that brat was standing on the other side of the room.
Levi gripped his cup of untouched alcohol. He hasn’t seen much of Eren since the war ended, which was probably for the best—at least that’s what Levi had been convincing himself of these last few years.
The raven felt his heart tug at how familiar Eren looked. He was much taller now, his wiry frame being filled out with lean muscle and his shoulders broadening. His hair was long, having to be tucked into a loose and sloppy bun at the back of his head. The hints and scraps of that young titan shifter remained in the thick eyebrows and the large, gemstone eyes that shimmered like the sea. That was a comparison that Levi could make, having seen the sea himself, now. He laughed.
His laughter caught the attention of Eren, who made direct eye contact with the older man. Eren’s face blinked with those giant eyes and his expression was less stoic than it was a second before, making Levi feel his own face flush with warmth.
Levi turned away and raised the cup to his lips, hoping to hide or perhaps excuse the blush with the alcohol. The sweetened fragrance of the liquid filled his nostrils first, before the bitterness hit the back of his throat and made him cough.
He wondered if Eren held any resentment towards him. Perhaps the years forced the brunet to harbor a grudge towards Levi, as a way to cope with their abrupt ending so many years ago. But then again, why should all those feelings even matter? It’s been three long years and surely the brunet must’ve found something (or someone) better to occupy his time with.
Levi turned and found his way to the outskirts of the room, which was a place he used to eat his breakfasts, lunches and dinner amongst his fellow soldiers. It was now empty, the purpose of the building unknown. It wasn’t empty now, being filled with partiers and food and music.
The air was suffocating in here, and Levi wanted out.
He slid open the giant door, with no unnecessary attention brought to himself. Levi assumed everyone around him was already piss drunk or about to pass out, anyhow. Good for them, but this wasn’t Levi’s scene in the slightest.
The fresh, cool air hit him all at once, forcing the older man to take a sobering and peaceful breath.
Before he took one step out onto the wooden patio surrounding the building, a heavy weight fell onto his shoulder and tugged invasively, forcing the older man to turn around. A rush of anger filled his veins until he saw the cause of his interruption.
When Levi turned, he was forced to look upwards at dark brown hair and vivid blue-green eyes. His heart dropped to his stomach as he realized how close he was to the other man. Eren hesitated for a moment, like he was just aware of how bold and invasive that sudden movement was.
“Eren,” Levi nodded before the other could get a chance to speak. He tried his best to sound as formal as he could.
Though his voice was even, his heart and mind were racing. Eren’s sight and smile were nauseating, assaulting him with many memories and familiarity. Despite the anxiety that loomed within him seconds earlier, he felt nothing but warmth.
“Levi,” Eren responded, his voice deep and warm. There was a ghost of the titan shifter who used to adore the older man with everything he had, which was surprising.
“It’s . . . been a long time, Captain,” Eren nodded awkwardly, his eyes struggling to meet Levi’s. His body language was familiar again, echoing all the nerves felt by his younger self when in the presence of Levi. Their words were natural, just like they used to be. The more seconds passed, the more Levi felt natural and comfortable with Eren.
“It has,” Levi simply replied, his voice coming across as more strained than he intended. He took another shaky sip of his alcohol, to which Eren looked at with curiosity.
Levi swallowed the alcohol with an abrupt difficultly, finding it hard with drink with Eren looking at him so intensely. He remembered how he used to swear off alcohol and drinking back when he knew Eren. Levi’s lips twitched as he stifled a laugh at how strict he was to himself back then.
Eren’s eyes traveled up slowly, “So—“
“Captain!” A voice called out, causing Levi to turn in the disorienting crowd. His head moved to find the source of the noise—Mikasa.
The taller girl made her appearance, shoving past a couple of drunken soldiers and hurrying over. Her hair was much longer now, brushing past her shoulders and sweeping the top of her back. She was gorgeous, growing out of her teenaged face and into a mature looking and beautiful woman.
She joined the two, slipping an arm around Eren’s waist and bringing the other hand to his chest. Eren stiffened against this reaction, baring a tight smile before pulling Mikasa into his chest as well.
Is that so?
Levi inhaled sharply as he felt a deep, stabbing pain resonate through his stomach.
A spindle of nerves swelled in his throat as he realized the two former soldiers were looking upon him expectantly. Levi couldn’t help but flick his brows upwards and nod with an unease, the ground tilting beneath him.
His mind began to panic and swirl. He couldn’t believe this—these two brats actually ended up together?
“It’s nice seeing you again, Captain,” Mikasa smiled, her tone was shy, but genuine, which made the older man feel all the more guilty about his reaction.
He shouldn’t be reacting, though. There was no surprise that Mikasa was the one the snag Eren for herself—she’d been pining for the titan shifter ever since they were children. She was also a very gorgeous woman now, and there was no way that Eren could be immune to that. Levi couldn’t help but applaud Mikasa for her determination. He might have assumed the girl would’ve given up during—No. Levi shook his head.
Mikasa didn’t know about that. He and Eren were incredibly careful about their affair, only allowing a select few to know about their relationship. Even then, those who did know or found out ended up dead.
“Nice seeing you, too,” Levi spoke, pleased at himself for not sounding as fucked up as he felt. “You look great.”
Levi kept his eyes trained on Mikasa’s forehead, where he could see Eren staring at him out of his peripheral. Mikasa, with her impossibly dark eyes, was also giving him a slightly curious stare.
“Thank you,” Mikasa cowered a bit, her finger plucking at her scarf to cover the bottom half of her face. “I . . . I never thought I’d see you again after Trost. I’m . . .”
Her sentence faltered, making Levi’s ears ring at words that were left unsaid—words that he’s heard too many damn times these past few years.
‘I’m sorry about your loss.’
Levi inhaled sharply, as if he were holding back tears—but he wasn’t. He was mourning, yes, but not over Erwin. Never over Erwin. He’s been mourning over a different loss, that day.
In that second Mikasa’s lips tightened awkwardly, Levi remembered a pained, urgent expression pressed against the side of his bloodied head. Eren’s teeth, holding back a flood of words that couldn’t express the amount of rage and disbelief he felt. He remembered fingers clenching over the stark coldness of that cursed metal box all those years ago.
Though he ended up making the choice that Eren wanted him to, the damage was done. Wordlessly, Eren left Levi’s life with the memory of how adamant Levi was on saving Erwin, a man who had come between the two many times before. In that moment, Levi had not only betrayed Eren, but allowed the possibility of the death of his best friend to come to fruition. He broke his promise and undermined their love in one stroke, marking the very first time Levi had regret his choice.
“What brings you back into town?” Eren spoke, his question startling Levi out of his own memories.
Levi blinked. “Oh. Erm . . .”
How depressing would it have been to answer honestly? To say that this party was the only thing bringing him back to Shiganshina?
Life was pretty uneventful. After the war and the many deaths of his comrades, Levi had nothing left for himself but a lump sum of marks from the government and a plot of land. There, he began running a fully functional and slightly touristy tea shop. There wasn’t anything worth mentioning in that process, though—nothing more than paper work, cleaning, taking stock and having nightmares for the rest of his life.
“Was it because you heard the news?” Mikasa asked, her voice raising in anticipation. “You might have already heard, right?”
The sentence was so rushed that Levi could barely drag himself out of his daydreams before Mikasa continued. The girl brought her hand forth and spread her fingers, flipping her hand so that her pinkish knuckles could be facing Levi. It wasn’t hard to miss the simplistic silver band that sat loosely on her slender ring finger—it caught the light in a way that made Levi feel temporarily blind. Levi almost doubled over, the wind escaping from his lungs. He couldn’t breathe.
“Shit,” Levi’s mouth fell open. “W-Wow. That’s amazing, M-Mikasa!”
Levi hid his grimace underneath a smile. His own voice sounded hollow to his ears and his expression was surely pained, but luckily, Mikasa didn’t notice. She only let out an enthused squeal before flipping her hand around to admire her own ring.
“Isn’t it?” Her dark eyes scanned the jewelry with all the love and adoration that had escaped Levi many years ago. “I thought he was never going to ask!”
“Me neither,” Levi was honest for the second time in their exchange. He didn’t dare meet Eren’s eyes as they flickered nervously. “It’s about time, I say. Eren’s been blinded for years. It seems as though you two really are soulmates, huh?”
Levi’s mouth felt dry as he realized quickly that he was talking too much. He was focusing on Mikasa and her reactions so intensely that he hardly noticed or cared that Eren was growing increasingly uncomfortable, adjusting his clothes and shifting his weight.
Mikasa’s expression melted into some form of humored familiarity. “Oh, don’t I know it. I think it took Eren awhile because he’s never been in love with anyone else before, so perhaps he didn’t know how it felt . . . ?”
Levi wasn’t sure what to say next. His gut only felt twisted at that, his fist clenching beneath crossed arms.
“He wasn’t recognizing what he had,” Levi nodded, his lip quirking a bit as he finally looked to Eren, whose face was flushed with pink. “His emotional immaturity always lands him in trouble with the people who care about him.”
Eren’s face down turned in a show of subtle anger, which made Levi feel accomplished in a childish sense. He was glad that hurt—in fact, he hoped it hurt more. He hoped Eren could feel the wrath of his feelings so that he could hurt the same damn way Levi was right now.
“Well, I’ve grown up a lot these past few years,” Eren spoke, his deep voice startling Levi. “And it’s a choice I haven’t regretted yet.”
Eren’s tone was icy, delivering a devastating blow to Levi’s ego and his throbbing emotional hurt. He hadn’t expected a rebuttal, and the cool infliction only made it worse.
Mikasa, of course, hadn’t noticed this exchange. She only curled into her fiancé’s side and held him, which drove Levi insane.
“He really has, Captain,” Mikasa continued the conversation. “In many ways . . .”
“Great,” Levi barked, catching Mikasa off guard. “I’m glad. Happy. I’m leaving, now.”
Levi turned and headed the way he intended, which was straight out the building and into the cool night. The hurt persisted, webbing through his chest and covering his mind in a clouded, angry flume of smoke and fire. He cared not if the two were looking at him. He just wanted to leave. He needed fresh air, and that sort of thing wasn’t available at the party.