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There were a few things that Yeonjun has known ever since he became aware of himself as a little child.

1. He had clearly done this before
2. There was someone he needed to find.

In all honesty, Yeonjun didn’t waste too much of his time thinking about these two things. He learned early enough in life that saying stuff like “I was a girl before” or “I died once” was something he definitely should not do. People didn’t usually like it when toddlers said bizarre and incomprehensible things. Apparently, normal people didn’t remember having previous lives.

So, Yeonjun tried to live his life as a normal person. He tried to ignore the dreams that were a tad too realistic to be only dreams, tried to ignore the many déjà vus he experienced on a daily basis. It wasn’t that hard to do, really. He only needed to keep these things to himself.

Having lived at least once before made it easy to navigate life. While he didn’t possess all the knowledge and the mind of his previous selves, he did remember a thing or two. His instincts usually guided him in the right direction and told him what to avoid. Yeonjun thought it was pretty neat. It was like having an inner compass that steered him towards his own personal north.

The part of his deal that was the hardest to ignore came in the form of a person. Or the memory of one, at least. Yeonjun didn’t know the person’s name yet. It changed from life to life from what he understood, the same as their appearance. Once or twice, they were a woman. Many times, they were a man. The relationship Yeonjun had with them changed each time, too. They were best friends, then siblings, then lovers. They were lovers many times, in fact.

That person always played a huge role in Yeonjun’s ‘not dreams’. It didn’t take him long to figure out that he needed to find them. But how could he possibly find someone without a name and without a face? The answer was easy. Since Yeonjun couldn’t find them, he had to let them find him first.

So Yeonjun lived his life as normally as he could while being plagued with the many lives of someone he wasn’t quite anymore. Honestly, it was a bit difficult to find his own current self amidst the crashing waves of his pasts, but he managed. He had a happy childhood, grew into an awkward teen like everyone around him and made friends along the way. He got accepted into college, moved into a dorm for his first year and did his best to become an adult once more.

One might argue that he had a headstart on his peers but to him, there was nothing worse than knowing each of his steps were simply him repeating what he had already done countless times before. Motivation was hard when you knew you had already had it all once, only to lose everything in the blink of an eye.

College brought a few different things with it, though. He was a couple of years older than his school best friend, so he had to somehow find a way to survive without Beomgyu by his side. Yeonjun didn’t worry too much about it, though. He was a pretty easy going person, after all. He could only hope that being himself would be enough to attract some new friends. He had learned a long time ago that there was no use in chasing people that didn’t like you for who you were.

His new roommate was nice enough. Heesung kept his side of their dorm room tidy, didn’t keep his light on later than 10 pm, and was overall very calm and quiet. Yeonjun’s classes were interesting if not easy, and he genuinely enjoyed what he was studying. He had study dates with new acquaintances, came back to his parents’ house to home-cooked meals on the weekends and did his laundry each Thursday without a fail. He had lived much harder lives. It was easy to grow content with this one.

His past still didn’t affect him much, up until one night in his second year. 

Yeonjun was dreaming as usual. The images were vivid, and he could feel everything as if he was really there. There was only a thin veil between him and the dream world, as if he was touching his surroundings through gloves. Once again, he shared this memory with this special one. 

They were both walking in the middle of a busy city. The buildings around them were pale and the street was paved with stone. He wasn’t holding the man’s hand, but he knew instinctively the depth of their relationship. Yeonjun felt it in the sparks flying across his body every time their shoulders’ brushed against one another. He felt it in the unspoken words hanging between each glance they exchanged. 

Yeonjun had never been to Europe before, but he thought the landscape was very fitting of the images he had seen on the internet before. They walked a little more in the busy street until the man motioned towards a coffee shop on their left. 

“ Aquí? ” the man asked.

Yeonjun nodded, and his partner smiled. For a second, Yeonjun was left speechless by how radiant the man looked. He always felt that way whenever his special one was in a dream with him. His soul recognized him in a way that was deeply intimate, and it left Yeonjun both breathless and comforted. One would have called the man his soulmate, but he always felt the term was a little too mushy for him, hence why he preferred calling him his special one.

They sat down at a table outside of the coffeeshop, and a waitress quickly came to greet them. 

“ Tomaré un café con leche, por favor. ” The man’s voice was smooth and rich. It was always enough to distract Yeonjun from ordering, but his favorite coffee rolled off his tongue easily.

“ Un café, por favor .” Luckily for Yeonjun, he always remembered the language he was supposed to be speaking. He figured it made sense, since these were only memories he was reliving. Yeonjun had never really tested that affinity with languages beyond English. He knew for a fact that had never lived in Japan before, since he still struggled quite a lot with his Japanese classes in high school.

As the waitress left, Yeonjun took the time to admire the man in front of him. His hair was dark and on the longer side, tied in a low ponytail on his nape. His eyes were a vibrant green that seemed to glimmer in the mid afternoon sun. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to the elbow, showing his light tan. Yeonjun felt the urge to run his hand over the exposed skin of the man’s arms, but he refrained. He wasn’t sure of what year they were in and if being openly affectionate with another man was socially acceptable. If he were to guess, though, he would have said this was one of his most recent lives. Perhaps even the one right before he was born in Korea as Yeonjun.

The man chuckled, and Yeonjun shook himself out of his daze. “ ¿Qué pasa, Pascal? ¿Te gusta lo que ves? ”

“ Absolutamente no. ” Talking to him felt so easy. Yeonjun gave in to the urge and reached out to take his hand. His partner smiled one last time at him.

And Yeonjun woke up.

It was still the dead of the night judging by how no light was coming through his half opened blinds. He still had many hours before he had to wake up for his morning class, but sleep eluded him. This time, the dream had left him with a name on the tip of his tongue. Soobin. 

It wasn’t a Spanish name. In fact, it was very much Korean. It could have been a coincidence, but something told Yeonjun that this was the name the mysterious man had in this life. Knowing this changed everything. It now meant that Yeonjun could start his search. He didn’t have to wait for his special one to find him first.

Soobin, Yeonjun thought. What a pretty name.

____

The year Beomgyu got into college, they decided to rent an apartment off campus together. Beomgyu’s parents were willing to pay his rent as long as his grades were good, and Yeonjun had enough money saved from his part time job at a corner store to afford it. Besides, he only had two more years left on his degree. He figured it was alright for him to splurge a little. He was going to miss Heesung, if he was being honest, but he liked Beomgyu’s familiarity. 

Ever since that one night in his second year, Yeonjun had looked in all of his classes for a Soobin. He was unsuccessful in finding the right one, though. There were many Soobin in Seoul, but not all of them were the one for him. Still, he didn’t allow himself to grow frustrated. He had all his life to find him.

Frankly, Yeonjun didn’t know if he ever spent a life without his special someone. It felt as if they were bound to find each other one way or another, be it from the moment he was born or much later on in life. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t allowed to be impatient, not when he knew what it felt to be reunited with his special one.

It wasn’t as if Yeonjun had completely stopped seeing Beomgyu after high school, but living together definitely made it easier for them to hang out more regularly. Even though Beomguy never did his dishes and played video games loudly, Yeonjun was glad to have him as a roommate. It made their apartment feel much more alive. Besides, he wasn’t the perfect roommate either, and he felt as if they balanced each other out quite well.

The second week of September, Yeonjun asked the question that was sitting on the tip of his tongue ever since the semester started.

“So,” he said, sitting down at the table with a coffee. Beomgyu was working on his computer across from him and barely looked up at Yeonjun. “Have you made any friends so far?” 

Beomgyu hummed. “I’m not sure if I could call them friends yet, but I’ve met a few people, yes.”

Yeonjun nodded, looking around. He tried to appear as nonchalant as possible, taking a sip of his drink before speaking again. “Is there anyone named Soobin in any of your classes?”

Beomgyu frowned, pausing in his typing. “I don’t think so, why? Is he a friend of yours?”

Yeonjun bit his lip. “Well, no. I was just wondering.”

“You know, sometimes you’re really strange.” And that was it. Yeonjun laughed awkwardly, and Beomgyu went back to his homework. He still wasn’t any closer to Soobin, but he still didn’t let that worry him. He pretended as if he couldn’t feel the slight tinge of disappointment deep in his belly and took out his phone to look at his Twitter feed.

____

Beomgyu did make new friends. One of them was Taehyun, who was a year younger than him but had managed to skip a grade at one point. Taehyun was pretty sweet, if not a bit intimidating, even if Yeonjun was three years older than him. But he was nice enough and let Yeonjun finish his lunches when he was no longer hungry. That was enough to make up for it.

The three of them ate together in the university cafeteria every Wednesday. It wasn’t intentional at first. Yeonjun simply kept stumbling into Beomgyu and Taehyun as he was grabbing lunch between two classes. It quickly became a weekly tradition, though. Yeonjun liked these kinds of traditions. Social breaks between studying were very important to him and besides, eating with friends made meals way tastier than eating them alone.

It was in October when Beomgyu mentioned that Taehyun shared a class with a Soobin. 

“I don’t know if you’re still looking for your Soobin guy,” he said between two bites of noodles. “But Taehyun has a buddy from Japanese class who’s named Soobin.”

Yeonjun tried not to get his hope up, but he froze in place. He looked at Taehyung with wide eyes. “Seriously?”

Taehyun shrugged. “Yeah, he’s in his second year but my Japanese is pretty good so…”

Yeonjun looked down at his meal. He really didn’t know how to approach this situation without sounding totally strange. What excuse could he give for wanting to meet someone solely on the basis of their first name? 

“What’s his full name?” he settled on.

Luckily for him, Taehyun seemed way more focused on his japchae than the conversation they were having. “Choi Soobin. He’s pretty nice.”

Yeonjun nodded. He didn’t press for more, as this Soobin could very well not be the one he was looking for. In fact, he didn’t really know how he would know. He figured he would receive a sign of some sort. Maybe bells would ring? No, that sounded way too cheesy and movielike. 

None of his dreams had ever shown him their first meetings, now that he thought about it. He liked that the mystery still remained. After having lived through the same things time and time again, surprises were more than enjoyable to him. College wasn’t even a totally new experience. Many things had changed since then, but he was pretty sure this was his third time reaching higher education. He had been a doctor once, and he could remember studying to become a lawyer back in the XIXth century.

Yeonjun didn’t ask to meet Choi Soobin that day. He didn’t look him up on social media either, even though he was very tempted to. He didn’t want to be robbed of his first meeting with his possible special one. Instead, Yeonjun waited. He went to his classes as usual, did his school work and worked a couple shifts each week. He did his laundry every Thursday and visited his family every other weekend. After all, his special one wasn’t the only important thing in his life. No matter how many lives he lived, Yeonjun always made sure that each one counted. He had goals and dreams, things that he had yet to achieve.

When he did meet Choi Soobin, it was an accident that was bound to happen. Yeonjun was walking to class with Heesung, catching up after a few weeks without seeing the other. As they were passing by the library building, two students came out of the doors. Spotting Taehyun, Yeonjun raised a hand to wave at him. It catched the younger’s attention, as well as the attention of the guy walking next to him. Yeonjun had to do his best to refrain from gasping as Taehyun’s friend turned to look at him.

There was nothing particularly special about him. Sure, he was handsome, tall and well dressed, but Yeonjun was no stranger to that type of man. Still, the sight of his face had Yeonjun’s heart pick up in speed, leaving him almost lightheaded. He didn’t hear bells, but the recognition lighting up his brain was just as telling. There were hundreds of years of stories in the man’s eyes, and Yeonjun knew that he had been a witness to most of them. 

In the span of a single moment, Yeonjun could see just how much history they had together. He could see himself as a woman enjoying a glass of wine with a blonde man on a candlelit terrace, fields of grass stretching in front of them. He could see himself as a young boy piggybacking on his big brother’s shoulders. He could see Soobin as a beautiful woman, her dark skin glowing in the heat of the sun as she walked on a dirt road with a bright red dress covering her body. They had lived all around the world, lived through many centuries as different people. Still, they had kept the same soul all this time.

Soobin, his special one.

“Yeonjun!” Taehyun greeted. “How are you?”

It was hard to take his eyes away from Soobin, but Yeonjun managed it. He swallowed heavily. “I’m fine… I was just,” he gestured towards Heesung, who was looking at him curiously. “Catching up with Heesung. How are you?”

Taehyun nodded at Heesung in greeting. “I’m good. I don’t believe you’ve met Soobin, right?”

Soobin either didn’t catch Yeonjun staring at him, or didn’t care for it. He smiled politely at him, and Yeonjun’s heart broke a little. “Hello,” he said. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Soobin didn’t recognize him. He could see no spark of remembrance in his eyes, no change in his body language. Yeonjun had known Soobin forever, but he was nothing more than a stranger to him.

He had to swallow around the lump in his throat in order to greet Soobin back. “Hi.” He knew his voice sounded weak, but it was hard to muster any pretense of happiness at the moment. As much as catching a glance of Soobin had filled him with sudden glee, he was at once hollow, devoid of any energy. 

“I’d love to stay and chat,” Taehyun said, oblivious to Yeonjun’s drop in mood “But we have a Japanese class in about ten minutes and we kinda have to get going.”

“Of course,” said Yeonjun. “We won’t hold you back.”

With a final goodbye to both Yeonjun and Heesung, Taehyun left with Soobin in tow. Yeonjun half wanted to curl up in a ball and take a long moment to assimilate the moment that had just happened. He settled for closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Choi Soobin . At least he now had both a name and a face. The hardest part was over , he told himself. The search is done. 

Yeonjun remembered lives where he had met Soobin much later. One time, Soobin had been the medic tending to Yeonjun’s wounds after a battle somewhere in Africa. Yeonjun had almost been in his thirties by then. He had died during the week, marking this life as the shortest amount of time he had ever spent with his special one. Nothing could possibly be worse than that.

When he opened his eyes again, Yeonjun spotted Heesung’s concerned stare. “Are you okay?”

Yeonjun nodded. He started walking again, remembering they had stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. “Yeah, of course.”

“You’re sure? You looked a little pale back there. Did something happen between you and your friend? Taehyun?”

Yeonjun couldn’t hold back his snort at this. “Of course not. I just remembered I forgot to shut the oven this morning.”

“I don’t remember you being into cooking.” Heesung frowned.

“I’m still not really. I was just reheating some croissants Beomgyu brought home yesterday.”

Heesung didn’t seem to buy it, but Yeonjun didn’t care much about the effectiveness of his lie. He simply needed to crawl in his bed as soon as possible. He needed some time to gather his thoughts. Lucky for him, he didn’t have any classes until the next morning.

Yeonjun left Heesung at the bus stop in front of the campus. His friend still had his evening class to attend and was going to meet a classmate for a study date. Usually, Heesung would have offered Yeonjun to tag along, but he seemed to notice his strange mood and simply let him go. With a rushed goodbye, Yeonjun stepped onto the bus that would take him home. He spent the entire ride in a daze, reliving the waves of memories seeing Soobin had triggered in him. He had a lot to think about.

____

Soobin didn’t remember him, and that was a tricky problem in itself. How was Yeonjun supposed to approach this situation?

Hello, you met me a couple days ago in passing, but I’ve been dreaming of you ever since I was a child and I strongly think you’re my soulmate.

Hi, we’ve been married six times before. Can I have your number?

No, there wasn’t any sentence that could even begin to make sense of Yeonjun’s situation. He needed to be very subtle while interacting with Soobin, less he scared him away. How did he achieve it so many times before?

Choi Soobin could very well be a friend to him in this life, just as much as he could become his lover. It was hard to say with only a first impression in mind. No matter what the outcome of his and Soobin’s relationship would be, Yeonjun needed to be slow and careful. First, he needed to befriend Soobin one way or another. Still, Yeonjun felt like not telling him was dishonest. Sadly, it was either this lie or risking passing for a delusional fool.

The next Wednesday, as Yeonjun, Beomgyu and Taehyun were eating together, Yeonjun brought up Soobin again.

“So,” he said, pointedly looking at his food and avoiding Taehyun’s eyes. “You should invite your friend Soobin to eat with us sometimes.”

“Sure,” Taehyun said. 

Yeonjun bit back a smile. He didn’t like to use other people, but Taehyun’s friendship with Soobin was truly a gift. There was one thing he hadn’t taken into account, though. 

“Why?” Beomgyu asked. “Just because his name is Soobin?”

Yeonjun sighed, putting down his chopstick and wiping his mouth with a napkin. “I asked you if you knew a Soobin one time in passing. Why are you making this weird?”

“Because you were the one being weird about it.”

“I wasn’t!”

“You were looking for a Soobin?” Taehyun interrupted.

Yeonjun bit his lip, wondering what the best course of action would be. “It was just a comment in passing.”

“Sure,” Beomgyu snorted. “But why?”

“Why is this so important? I just had a friend named Soobin living on my street when I was a kid.” He wanted to pat himself on the back for the lie. He could surprisingly be quick witted when he needed to be.

“You never told me that.”

“Because it wasn’t important, I guess.” Yeonjun hoped his glare was strong enough to make Beomgyu stop speaking. He was saved by Taehyun, though.

“So is Soobin your old friend?” he asked.

Yeonjun shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

Taehyun hummed. “Well, I could ask him to come eat with us, but I think he doesn’t have a class on Wednesday, so I’m not sure he would come on campus.”

“Does he live far?” Beomgyu asked. 

“I have no idea, actually.”

The conversation on Soobin died pretty soon after that. Yeonjun would have liked to steal more information out of Taehyun, but he considered himself lucky as it was. Now that he had expressed the desire to see Soobin again, he was pretty sure Taehyun would make a meeting happen. Taehyun didn’t look like it, but he was pretty social when he wanted to be.

Still, it took some time before Yeonjun was able to see Choi Soobin again. As usual, he didn’t dwell on it too much. Forcing things would lead him nowhere, and patience was the key to success. That much he had learned over the years. There was no need to rush when you had an infinite amount of time in front of you.

Knowing for sure who Soobin was did make him want to look for him everywhere, though. Now that he had had his first meeting with him, Yeonjun felt less uncomfortable about looking him up on social media. Unfortunately, Choi Soobin was not an avid poster, and Yeonjun could only catch glimpses of who the man really was. His Instagram was pretty devoid, as well as the other social media profiles he could find under his name.

Just as Yeonjun had feared, Beomgyu turned out to be insufferable about his search for Soobin. He had cornered him once as soon as Yeonjun had come back to the apartment on Wednesday, relentlessly asking for stories about his supposed childhood friend called Soobin. Yeonjun wasn’t an idiot and he knew very well what his friend was doing. Beomgyu was trying to catch him in a lie. He had probably realized how strange the childhood friend story really was. After all, Beomgyu had been Yeonjun’s best friend since high school, and he knew pretty much all there was to know about him. Aside from his neverending reincarnation cycle, of course. Still, Yeonjun was a good liar when he was prepared for it. His mother would disagree with him, but Yeonjun could muster up a pretty convincing lie when it was one that mattered. Lying was a skill honed with time and experience, two things Yeonjun didn’t lack.

When Yeonjun did see Soobin again, he was genuinely surprised by it. It was November already, and Soobin had yet to come hang out with them. Yeonjun didn’t pressure Taehyun about it, but he had been planning on bringing up the subject again before the end of the semester. In the meantime, he had tried to catch glimpses of Soobin on campus, but to no avail. There were a lot of students in their university, and Yeonjun was beginning to believe their schedules really didn’t match at all. 

When he came into the university cafeteria that Wednesday, he was absentmindedly walking towards their usual table, his eyes focused on his phone. When he looked up, he was surprised to see Choi Soobin sitting beside Taehyun. He quickly slipped his phone into his pocket and did his best to school his face into a neutral expression.

“Hello,” Yeonjun said, taking a seat at Beomgyu’s right.

“You’re not buying food?” his roommate asked in lieu of a greeting. 

Yeonjun took off his backpack and unzipped it in one swift movement. “Nope, I’m already covered.” He took out a roll of kimbap before dropping his bag in the seat beside him. Unwrapping his meal, Yeonjun pretended to only just notice the new addition to their group. “Oh, hi! You’re Soobin, right?”

Soobin nodded. “Yes, and you’re Yeonjun, if I remember correctly.”

Yeonjun had to hide his frown. He wished Soobin’s memory was a little bit better, if he was being honest.  “Nice to meet you again,” he said, smiling.

“You as well.”

Yeonjun had feared that seeing Soobin again would trigger something in him like it had before. This time, though, there weren’t any memories crashing in his mind like tidal waves. He was living in the present, and Soobin was simply Soobin, as much as Yeonjun knew for a fact he was much more than that.  His attraction to him was still everpresent, though. It was as if his body was sending signals to him, telling him that he needed to be as close to Soobin as possible.

It was strange, knowing that while Yeonjun was living through all of this inner turmoil, Soobin had not even the slightest clue of who he himself really was. Yeonjun didn’t quite know yet if telling him would be amusing or terrifying. 

“So, Yeonjun,” Taehyun suddenly said. “How’s that paper going?”

Yeonjun hummed as he swallowed his bite. “It’s going. I hate doing research in the library, though. It’s so boring and tedious.”

“What is your paper about?” Soobin asked.

Yeonjun took a moment to look at his features before answering him. Their bodies always looked drastically different from one life to another, but Soobin’s eyes were always the same. The saying was that the eyes were the windows to the soul, something that Yeonjun definitely agreed with. He found the thought comforting. “I still haven’t decided on my subject, but I have to write about a historical event occurring in the nineteen or twentieth century in Korea.”

Soobin seemed to pipe up. “So it’s a history class, then?”

Before Yeonjun could answer, Taehyun grinned at him. “Soobin is a history major, you see. Maybe he could help you out.”

“Oh, it’s not-”

“I can definitely help you choose a subject,” Soobin interrupted. “If you need an outside opinion.” He brushed his fringe out of his eyes, offering Yeonjun a smile. “I figure you’re not majoring in history. I’ve never seen you around.”

That did explain why he had never catched a glimpse of Soobin on campus no matter how hard he had tried. Their respective pavilions were on opposite sides of the campus. “Yeah, no. I’m in computer engineering.”

Soobin’s eyes widened, and he hummed appreciatively. “That’s cool.”

“Well, I’ve always found computers pretty interesting.” Yeonjun smirked at the joke only he could understand. Of course computers were a peculiar novelty for him. He had died in the XXth century before technology was really developed as efficiently as it was today, then had been reborn in a world where the digital was omniscient. Studying that technology only felt fitting.

“So I guess this is just an elective, right?”

“Exactly.”

Soobin nodded. He took a sip of his drink before speaking again. “Well, I can’t help you this week because I have a project of my own to finish, but I should have time after that. When is your deadline?” 

Having Soobin help him out with this class would also help him get closer to him. Yeonjun felt bad for immediately thinking of it that way, but he couldn’t possibly pass by this golden opportunity. Besides, he could definitely benefit from having a helping hand. He was usually quite good at remembering historical events, but papers required official sources and academic research. ‘ Trust me, I was there ’ didn’t quite cut it. “I still have a month before it’s due, so it’s no worries.”

“You guys can talk about that next week,” Beomgyu said. “If you want to come eat with us again, that is.”

Yeonjun was suddenly reminded that he wasn’t alone with Soobin. He blushed a little at the thought of how distracted he had been. Soobin, thankfully, didn’t seem to notice. Beomgyu’s smirk told Yeonjun all he needed to know, though. He hadn't gone completely unnoticed.

“I’ll see what I can do,” Soobin said, smiling sweetly.

Yeonjun bit his lip, looking down at his meal. He didn’t want to call victory so soon, but he was filled with newfound confidence. He no longer had to be passive. Now was the time to actively charm Soobin and figure out what the man meant to him in this life.

Later that night, as soon as Yeonjun came home, Beomgyu cornered him.

“So,” he said from where he was sitting with his legs crossed on the couch. “Soobin.”

Yeonjun unwrapped his scarf from his neck and unzipped his coat. “Were you waiting for me to finish my class?”

“You’re avoiding the question.”

“It wasn’t even a question.” Yeonjun toed off his shoes and walked towards the kitchen. He opened the fridge, looking for a bottle of strawberry milk. 

“But you know what I was asking.”

“Nope, not at all.”

Yeonjun almost took his milk to drink in his bedroom, but he figured Beomgyu would only follow him to pester him more. Instead, he decided to face the problem heads on and went to sit on the couch on the opposite side of his roommate. 

“You were literally staring him down.”

“I wasn’t,” Yeonjun protested. “What are you talking about?”

Beomgyu’s brows were furrowed. He crossed his arms and nudged Yeonjun with his foot. “You’re being weird about this. I’ll get you, eventually.”

Yeonjun stabbed a straw through his milk bottle. He pulled his phone from his pocket as he took a sip from his drink. “Well, you are the one making such a fuss about this, if you were to ask me. Maybe you should just leave me alone.”

Beomgyu had a short laugh, and Yeonjun nudged him back with his free hand. “So you’re gonna have sweet study dates with him?”

“Dude!” Yeonjun gasped. “Why are you like this?” He stood up and quickly retreated to his room. As he slammed his door, he could hear Beomgyu cackling by himself.

____

The next Wednesday, Soobin joined them once again. Yeonjun had to leave earlier than usual as he had to meet with a classmate before his afternoon class, but he still managed to arrange a time to meet with Soobin in the library the next day. He was disappointed that he didn’t really have the time to sit down and chat properly with the man, but he consoled himself with the thought of spending some alone time with Soobin in a little more than twenty four hours.

When the time came for Yeonjun to meet with Soobin on Thursday, he was almost shaking with nerves. He knew he shouldn’t be, that relearning who Soobin was would be nothing short of exciting, but part of him wondered what would happen if he messed up his chance. What would happen to him if he didn’t manage to catch Soobin’s attention, if he didn’t befriend him properly? It was one thing to live without his special one when he didn’t even know who he was, but it was something else to accidentally let him slip through his fingers. Yeonjun wasn’t sure he would be able to bear the thought.

Soobin was waiting for him at a table in the basement of the library. He had told him the previous day that it was where the history volumes were stored, and that it would be a good meeting spot for them. When Yeonjun approached Soobin’s table, the younger was nose deep in an old grey tome. He had his laptop propped open in front of him, the screen displaying a tab of reading notes. 

“Hi,” Yeonjun said softly as he sat down in the chair across from Soobin. 

Soobin immediately closed his book. “Hi,” he greeted back.

“Thanks again for helping me out,” Yeonjun said, taking out his laptop from his backpack.

“It’s no problem, really. So, what did you have in mind for your project?”

When Soobin had offered to help Yeonjun, he had really meant business. In the two hours that they spent working together in the library, Yeonjun found out just how hard-working Soobin really was. They managed to find a subject that Yeonjun was interested in barely half an hour into their research, and Soobin was able to pick out a few volumes for Yeonjun to start his research. They spent the rest of the time silently working on their own projects, with Yeonjun occasionally asking Soobin various questions. It turned out that the younger was nothing short of a history buff, and Yeonjun found it hilariously ironic . Soobin had managed to forget centuries of his own story, but could remember historical facts about various parts of the world in the blink of an eye.

Near the end of their study session, Soobin wordlessly slipped his phone across the table towards Yeonjun. Yeonjun looked back at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Put your number in,” Soobin clarified, his voice nearly quiet. “If you ever need help, or if you just want to do this again. You’re a good work partner.”

“I did practically nothing.”

Soobin quirked a smile, and Yeonjun savored the way his heart did a flip at the younger’s expression. “Exactly.”

It was easy to fall into a routine after that. On Fridays and Sundays, Yeonjun worked at his part time job. On Mondays, Yeonjun met up with Heesung for a late morning coffee. On Wednesdays, he ate lunch with Beomgyu, Taehyun, and sometimes Soobin when he wasn’t too busy with school work. On Thursdays, he met up with Soobin in the library where they both worked separately, but in each other’s company. It was unsurprisingly easy to form a bond with Soobin. He had different experiences and looked different than he had in the past, but Yeonjun could see that the same soul remained behind his brown eyes. It spoke to him in a way he was sure Soobin wasn’t even aware of himself. Soobin was kind, smart, charming, generous. He had always been, but it was nice to be able to rediscover it once again. 

Yeonjun’s dreams did not stop as soon as he had met Soobin, but they definitely were fewer. It felt a little strange to see his special one after having relived a life where they were siblings or lovers, but Yeonjun managed. Just as much as Soobin remained the same as he had ever been, he was also different. Soobin wasn’t Simon, just as he wasn’t Crystelle nor Guanyu Yeonjun had to allow him to simply be Soobin.

Soobin was everything Yeonjun had ever dreamed of, and falling in love with him all over again was just as easy as breathing. It was etched deep within his soul, and Yeonjun would have been a fool to resist it.

He didn’t act on it at first. He let autumn melt into winter, let the regular semester morph into the ever-looming final season. Part of Yeonjun was a little afraid of confessing, while the other part of him thought of how ungenuine he was being. It wouldn’t have felt right to pursue a relationship with Soobin while the younger wasn’t even aware of just how much history really was between them.

Yeonjun was aware that Soobin wasn’t unreceptive to him. He wasn’t a fool; he knew what interest looked like in someone else’s eyes and body. Soobin’s touches kept lingering for more than was socially acceptable for a friend, and the coy looks he sometimes sent his way were telling enough. Moreso, it was Soobin. Yeonjun had spent lifetimes learning his tells and the way his being spoke without a word. He was fairly confident that Soobin wouldn’t reject him, but the truth that Yeonjun was hiding was holding him back.

But the kiss really did confirm it to him.

It wasn’t much. They had spent a few extra hours together in the basement of the library, alone in their little bubble. They had only left when Yeonjun’s stomach had growled in hunger a little before dinner time. Outside, they had been surprised by the rain that was pouring down on the campus. There weren’t any windows in the basement of the library, so it was easy to lose track of time and become cut off from the outside world. 

Of course, Yeonjun hadn’t thought to bring an umbrella with him. Soobin hadn’t been much better. It was a bit surprising for it to rain in the middle of December, after all.

“Climate change,” Soobin had joked when Yeonjun had brought it up. 

“So, what do you suggest we do?”

Soobin had bit his lip, seemingly debating their options. There hadn’t been much they could possibly do aside from waiting it out, but the strength of the rain had made it obvious that it was there to stay. On top of that, darkness had already fallen over the city. The days were only growing shorter as winter went by.

“Should we run?” Soobin had asked.

Yeonjun hadn’t been able to bite back his grin. “Let’s do just that.”

They had run all the way to the bus stop at the entrance of the campus, the rain like a cold shower seeping through their winter clothes. Yeonjun had almost slipped a couple of times, but Soobin’s resonating laugh had been enough to chase away his embarrassment.

The shelter at the bus stop had been blissfully empty upon their arrival. Yeonjun had bent down to catch his breath, his hands resting on his knees. Soobin hadn’t been faring any better. His fringe had been soaked, water dripping into his eyes and on his flushed cheeks. He had been laughing almost hysterically, holding his side as if he had been in pain. 

“Did you see the look on these girls’ faces?”

“No,” Yeonjun had gasped. “Did you know them?”

“Nope, and I’m not sure I care.”

Yeonjun wasn’t sure what had happened next. One second, he had been catching his breath, shivering in his wet clothes. The next one, Soobin had been kissing him. 

It hadn’t even started slow. Soobin had immediately gone for the kill. He had swallowed Yeonjun’s gasp with burning lips and an arm wrapped around his waist, and Yeonjun had only been eager to reciprocate. 

When they had separated, Yeonjun had been reluctant to take a step back. Instead, he took his time to examine Soobin’s face. There was little light around them, but the boulevard was only a few steps away and the headlights of oncoming cars were enough for Yeonjun to see just how much red had bled onto Soobin’s cheeks. 

They didn’t talk about it. Even weeks later, it was something that constantly hung into Yeonjun’s mind. Still, he stayed silent on the matter. Soobin wasn’t any different. Yeonjun sometimes caught him staring at his lips, but he never initiated anything. The lingering touches and the stares kept on coming, but nothing more was happening. It was because of that that Yeonjun decided to finally tell the truth to Soobin. 

He couldn’t possibly ask Soobin out while the younger was unaware of Yeonjun’s deeper motives. It simply wasn’t proper. Besides, he now considered Soobin a friend. After a couple of months of study dates, and even some coffee dates at times, he figured they were close enough for Soobin to at least listen to what he had to say. He could have waited a few more months for their relationship to strengthen even more, but Yeonjun had to admit that he was impatient. Despite his never-ending stream of lives, he was only human.

He prepared for the occasion. He wrote down a carefully crafted declaration and took the time to memorize it. The last thing he wanted was to mess this up, as it could very well cost him any type of relationship with Soobin. Who would want to keep a delusional friend around, much less date him? No, he had to be extremely careful and thoughtful in his approach.

He waited until their final study date, right before the end of both of their finals. As usual, they were sitting in the nearly empty basement of the library, their table nestled between two rows of bookshelves. It was a cozy little corner, one they kept coming back to. Yeonjun didn’t even need to go to the library anymore, as his history project was done and handed out to his professor. Still, working with Soobin had quickly become one of the highlights of his week. 

He shouldn’t have been surprised when the words he ended up blurting out were definitely not the speech he had prepared.

“I think you’re my soulmate,” he stumbled out, before immediately feeling the blood drain from his face.

Soobin barely looked up from his computer screen. He let out a huff. “Sure, that’s cute.”

“Wait, I’m not joking.”

The tone of his voice seemed to properly catch Soobin’s attention. His smile didn’t drop, but it definitely froze into a confused expression. Yeonjun felt the panic slowly rise up his throat, rendering his words even more messy than they already were. 

“What do you mean by that?” Soobin asked after a moment of silence.

In that instant, Yeonjun’s plan went out of the window. “This is not my first life, and you were in every single one of them.” 

“Yeonjun…” It almost sounded like a warning, like an invitation for Yeonjun to admit that he was only joking, that nothing was going on. Soobin’s eyes didn’t show any recollection, simply confusion, and Yeonjun felt desperate.

“This is not as weird as it sounds, I promise. You forgot about everything, and I can see that, but I remember you. I promise. Please… just listen to me, okay?”

For a second, Soobin stayed frozen, his lips parted as if he wanted to say something. Then, he shook his head and closed his laptop. Before Yeonjun could even react, he started stuffing his notebooks and his laptop into his backpack.

“I think I’m going to go,” Soobin said, his voice sounding cold.

“Soobin…”

Soobin’s head suddenly turned to look at him. For once, Yeonjun wasn’t able to read his eyes. “Yeonjun, please don’t make a scene.”

He left, leaving Yeonjun all alone to wonder why and how he had managed to mess this whole thing up.

____

Winter break came and went without a single glimpse of Soobin. Yeonjun went back to his parents’ house to be pampered after the two weeks of hell that were finals season. He went out to eat with Beomgyu a couple of times, met up with Heesung for coffee as usual, and baked cookies with his mom to her insistence. It felt nice to finally be able to relax and just let himself be. Still, he wasn’t able to get Soobin out of his mind for longer than a few of hours at a time. He wondered how his special one was doing, if he saw Yeonjun as an unredeemable crazy person. But more than anything, Yeonjun wondered if Soobin was doing well.

As much as he loved Soobin and wanted to spend this life with his special one, Yeonjun cared for Soobin’s well-being even more. He wondered if the younger was taking care of himself after all his stressful exams, if Yeonjun’s revelations made him too anxious to properly enjoy his winter break. The truth was, Yeonjun could learn to live a lifetime without Soobin if it meant his special one got to be happy. He was willing to make that sacrifice, and the realization brought him a sense of calm and peace. 

Of course, he wouldn’t give up on Soobin that easily. He still had to try a little more, after all. Maybe this would be nothing more than a simple blunder on the path to their life together. However, if it turned out Soobin didn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore, Yeonjun realized that he would be okay with it. He couldn’t go against his will, after all.

When classes started again for the winter semester, Soobin avoided Yeonjun. With their new schedule, Yeonjun couldn’t eat with Beomgyu and Taehyun on Wednesdays anymore. Curiously, they made no effort to find another suitable time, and Yeonjun wondered if Taehyun was avoiding him, too. Beomgyu didn’t let on that anything of the sort was going on, but Yeonjun found it strange nonetheless. 

Yeonjun felt isolated. There was no other name he could put to the dark cloud constantly eating at his heart. His classes were still interesting, he still saw his other friends regularly, but Soobin and Taehyun’s absence left a hole in his life, one he didn’t even realize they were filling in the first place.

Since Soobin’s classes were on the other side of the campus from Yeonjun’s, it was easy for the younger to completely avoid his presence. Yeonjun didn’t blame him, though. He understood why Soobin needed the space. It broke his heart, but he respected his wish. He stayed on his side of campus and didn’t purposefully seek him out. Yeonjun didn’t need to go to the library as much anymore, so the chances of seeing Soobin there also dropped.

To cope with his isolated state, Yeonjun took up more shifts at work. Instead of seeing Beomgyu and Taehyun on Wednesdays, he saw the faceless clients at the corner store and his coworker Huening Kai. Huening Kai wasn’t even in college yet, but Yeonjun quickly grew fond of him the more they worked together. His young coworker was really mature and was a good listener. Not that Yeonjun was dumping all of his problems on him, though. He knew Huening Kai had his own issues and didn’t need Yeonjun’s weird soulmate dilemma on top of that. Still, he enjoyed his company and thought he was pretty sweet.

Yeonjun wasn’t happy, but he was content. He settled into a new routine of Heesung, Beomgyu and Huening Kai, and tried his best to keep Soobin out of his mind as much as possible. Beomgyu seemed to realize something was up between him and Soobin, since he never mentioned the man around him. Or maybe Taehyun had told him what had happened. Yeonjung didn’t really care at this point. He only wanted to regain a semblance of normal without feeling crushed by Soobin’s absence.

Yeonjun knew he was probably being dramatic. He had had Soobin as a friend for a couple of months at most, yet he felt as if he had always had him. Which, to think of it, was the truth. Soobin was always in his dreams and was an integral part of his past. It was only natural to feel the loss as deeply as he did. 

Things changed when he suddenly crossed paths with Soobin one day in late February. Yeonjun was grabbing a coffee at the campus coffee shop a few minutes before his afternoon class. He was in a rush, but seeing Soobin enter the shop as he neared the exit made him stop in his tracks. The younger was focused on his phone and hadn’t seen him. Yeonjun sighed in relief and decided to just slip away as quickly as he could in order to avoid an awkward encounter. Just as he was about to pass by him without a word, Soobin looked up and noticed him. 

There was a veil of hesitation on Soobin’s face, but he seemed to steel himself for their encounter. He gave Yeonjun a small smile. Yeonjun nodded in answer and was about to walk away, but was stopped by Soobin’s hand on his arm. 

“Yeonjun, can we talk?”

Yeonjun swallowed. He quickly shot a look around them, but no one seemed to be looking in their direction. “Yeah, we can.”

“Are you busy right now?”

Over two months after having seen him, Yeonjun didn’t keep much hope of their friendship ever coming back to normal. Still, the fact that Soobin wanted to speak to him to begin with was already a win in his mind. He internally cursed his upcoming class.

“I kinda have to run to class… but you can text me anytime.”

Soobin nodded and let go of his arm. He seemed a bit embarrassed, and Yeonjun wondered just how much taking the first step had taken from him. “Alright. I’ll text you.”

For a second, Yeonjun was filled with the urge to thank him. Thank him for giving him a second chance, for not forgetting him entirely. He figured it might be enough to once again make Soobin uneasy, so he simply stayed silent and left the coffee shop.

He didn’t have to wait too long for Soobin’s text. Once Yeonjun got out of his class and finally had the chance to look at his phone, he already had a notification from Soobin, asking him if he wanted to grab a coffee sometime during the week. Yeonjun couldn’t fight back his smile. He knew that this meeting could turn out to be anything but positive, that this was maybe Soobin’s way to once and for all reject him with explicit words, but it was still a second chance in his mind. After all this time, he would finally be able to simply sit down and talk to Soobin.

He couldn’t wait.

____

They met on a Friday morning. Soobin had chosen a coffee shop outside of the campus, where he knew it wouldn’t be too crowded and they could discuss in peace. Besides, Yeonjun figured that being in a public place would make Soobin more at ease. He could still be thinking Yeonjun was a creep, after all.

When Yeonjun arrived, Soobin was already waiting for him at a table in a corner of the shop. Yeonjun passed by the front counter to order an Americano before making his way towards where Soobin was seated. The younger had a café au lait in front of him, and it reminded Yeonjun of an afternoon spent in Spain many decades ago.

“Hello,” he greeted as he sat down.

“Hi.”

Yeonjun took a sip of his coffee, waiting for Soobin to speak. The younger seemed a bit nervous. He was playing with a paper napkin, avoiding Yeonjun’s eyes as best as he could.

“So,” he finally said. “I thought a lot about what you said to me in December. You have to understand, it was a lot to digest.”

“Yes,” Yeonjun agreed. “This wasn’t the way I wanted to tell you, and I’m sorry about that.”

“So you meant it?” 

Holding Soobin’s gaze was hard. They were open, worried, but despite everything, they weren’t scared. Yeonjun wasn’t sure what to make of it. “Yes. I meant it.”

Soobin licked his lips. “Alright. It sure didn’t sound like a joke. I’m hoping you’re not insane, so I wanted to hear what you had to say about this whole… soulmate thing.”

Yeonjun winced. “Yeah, I’m aware of how this sounds. But really, you don’t remember anything?”

Soobin shook his head. “I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to remember, Yeonjun.”

Yeonjun took another sip of his coffee. He swallowed, nodding. “Then, this will take a long time.”

Soobin smiled, and Yeonjun felt a wave of relief wash over him. At least, he was giving him a chance of explaining himself. This was more than Yeonjun could ever ask for, and he was prepared to make the most of this golden opportunity. 

“You have until three,” Soobin said. “I have an afternoon class to go to.”

And Yeonjun started retelling their story, from the moment he realized he had been born yet again to the feeling that overcame him upon meeting Soobin for the first time. All the while, Soobin stayed quiet, a thoughtful look on his face. It had Yeonjun’s hands trembling in nervousness, but he didn’t let that distract him from his story. He needed to convince Soobin. He couldn’t allow himself to mess this up, not again.

At the end of Yeonjun’s story, silence stretched between them as Soobin took a moment to gather his thoughts. As much as Yeonjun wanted to press him for answers, he schooled his expression into what he hoped was a neutral mask. By then, their coffees had grown cold, and he wondered if the polite thing to do was to go back to the counter and order new drinks for the both of them.

“As much as my mind tells me to run and never let you speak to me again,” Soobin finally said. “A part of me believes you. Isn’t that crazy?”

Yeonjun forced out a laugh. “Try living with that feeling every day of your life. I know this sounds insane, trust me. But this is who I am. Who we are.”

Soobin bit his lip, his eyes straying to look out through the window of the shop. “I don’t remember anything, yet you sound certain this person is me. You have to understand that while I’m pretty sure I like you, I don’t have this strange immediate bond with you. I… I still can’t wrap my mind about reincarnation being a real thing.”

Yeonjun’s heart did a flip at Soobin’s admission. He didn’t think the man would have still liked him even after the crazy confession he had sprouted back in December, but he wasn’t complaining. “I understand,” he assured. “I’m not asking you to suddenly grow attached to me just because of a weird cosmic bond that only I feel. If I were to be your friend, or anything more for that matter, I would want this to be natural.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t feel any bond.”

Yeonjun perked up, his eyes widening in surprise. “You do?”

Soobin raked a hand through his hair, still avoiding Yeonjun’s eyes. “I can’t put a name on it, but I’ve never felt this… attraction to anyone else before.” He fanned himself. “Wow, this feels weird to admit.”

“I just admitted that I’ve been dreaming about you on a weekly basis for as long as I could remember. And that I’ve lived and died more times than I can count on two hands.”

It was enough to bring a laugh out of Soobin. “Please, don’t remind me of that. Either of those things.”

Understandably, Soobin had a few more questions for Yeonjun. Before answering them, he ended up ordering them a new round of coffee, for which Soobin gave him a thankful smile. Yeonjun was more than happy to give his special one as many answers as he could offer. Soobin deserved to know everything that he did. It didn’t make sense to Yeonjun that he was allowed to keep his memory while the other had started his new life with a completely blank slate. Maybe there was a reason for it, but he wasn’t sure he would ever find it out.

Soobin didn’t immediately jump right back into his arms after that meeting, but Yeonjun wasn’t too disappointed about it. He understood that the younger needed time, and he was more than willing to give it to him. Knowing that Soobin now knew the truth and was considering him not only as a friend, but also as an important person in his life, made it all worth it. 

After that, it was a matter of trust. Trust in Yeonjun’s words and in their burgeoning bond. Trust in the existence of reincarnation, a concept Soobin was still queasy about. Soobin made time for him in his schedule, and they gradually started to rebuild their friendship. Both of them knew that there was something more hanging between them, but Yeonjun was aware that taking things slow was the wisest course of action. Still, they saw each other as often as they could, and it wasn’t that long before Soobin took the first step and asked him out on an official date. 

It didn’t take long after that for Yeonjun to ask Soobin to be his boyfriend. By then, Soobin had definitely grown more comfortable with their predicament. This development in their relationship only felt natural.

As the semester came to an end and summer was creeping upon them, Beomgyu told Yeonjun that he wouldn’t mind moving out to leave space for Soobin in their apartment. While the offer was tempting, Yeonjun refused. He wanted a little more time to make sure Soobin was completely at ease with him. Moreover, he himself didn’t want to rush into things only because of a predestined bond. If they were lucky, Soobin and him would have the rest of their lives to spend together. He could definitely allow himself one more year with his best friend.

Yeonjun decided to move out on his own after his final year of college, though. He found a flat halfway between the university campus and his new job at a computer engineering firm, and Soobin had been more than happy to sign the lease with him. They had a housewarming party the week after they had moved in with their college friends as the only guests. Over the years, Beomgyu, Taehyun, and now Huening Kai had taken important roles in their lives. Yeonjun was the only one of them having graduated, and while the thought of no longer seeing them all as often as he did before was very strange to him, he was happy to have them by his side as he entered a new stage in his life. 

Yeonjun had lived over fifteen lives, but he felt as if these friends were the best ones he could have ever asked for.

That night, after the party was over and all of their friends had gone home, Yeonjun and Soobin laid in bed together. Soobin’s head was resting on his chest, Yeonjun’s arm wrapped around him. They were relaxing for a moment, enjoying this little moment of quiet before they would have to go to sleep. They were no strangers to spending the night with one another, but Yeonjun still wasn’t used to them sharing a home. It was exhilarating just as much as it brought him peace, and Yeonjun really couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that this was now his new reality.

“I dreamed of you yesterday,” Soobin suddenly spoke up.

“I hope it was a nice dream.”

Soobin hummed. “It was you, but it wasn’t quite you. Your name was Louis-François, and we lived somewhere in Acadia.”

Yeonjun froze. He held his breath, refusing to let himself hope. “Did you…”

“I could speak French and understand it perfectly,” Soobin continued. “It felt so real. It was like… I was actually there. It wasn’t fuzzy like dreams usually are.” 

Soobin propped himself on an elbow, staring down at Yeonjun. In the moonlight coming through their half closed blinds, Soobin’s face looked ethereal. “I think I’m starting to remember, Yeonjun.”

Yeonjun swallowed around the lump in his throat. “I remember that life. Your name was Simon, and we were neighbours. You had a wife, and I was your best friend. It was in the early eighteenth century, I think.”

Soobin’s breath hitched. Then, his entire body deflated. It was as if he hadn’t allowed himself to believe it either. Yeonjun felt his lips stretch into a wide smile. “This is amazing, Soobin.”

Soobin laughed. “I really didn’t think I would ever remember.”

“You still believed me, though.”

Soobin swatted lightly at him, and Yeonjun caught his hand. He pressed a tender kiss on his palm. Even after all this time, the simple gesture was enough to make Soobin blush. “Of course, I believed you. I wouldn’t be here today if I didn’t.”

Yeonjun sighed. “This is really amazing, though. You deserve to know everything that happened to you. You’ll probably remember stuff that doesn't even have anything to do with me, too. There’s more to your existence than just me.”

Soobin nodded. His smile shined brighter than any star Yeonjun had ever seen. “I know. It’s nice to finally be able to experience the things you’ve told me about, though.”

Yeonjun reached up to gently kiss his lip. “Maybe you’ll even be the one telling me new things, eventually. I know a lot about my lives and the time we shared, but I want to learn everything you have to tell me.”

Soobin gave him a peck. “I’ll try my best to fill you in, then.”

As Soobin laid down on his chest to continue cuddling him, Yeonjun thought about this new development. He didn’t know what finally triggered Soobin’s memory, but he certainly wasn’t complaining about it. He was genuinely happy for Soobin, as he knew just how much his boyfriend had been wondering about his past. While he definitely could have lived without Soobin remembering their entire history, this did change things for the better.

There were a lot of things Yeonjun still didn’t understand about the whole reincarnation deal. He didn’t know why it was happening to him, if it was a curse or a gift, but he was glad that he wasn’t completely alone in this. No matter what happened, Soobin would always be by his side, in one life or the other.