Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

"Your worries will go away! All of them, everyone last one!" The girl who emerged from the egg preached. Rika's job was to protect this girl, yet she didn't seem discontented in the slightest. 

"Who is guy?" Rika asked.

"The teacher! He'll show us the secrets of the universe!" If anything, the girl Rika was meant to protect seemed more than enthused to see her Wonder Killer.

"Entrust everything to me. Do so, and you shall be saved." The Wonder Killer proclaimed. With the last word of his sentence, he began to move towards Rika. Rika, at first sitting down, stood up and began to move, this is where the battle would begin.

"Shut it, you old creep!" She yelled as she dodged the needles the Wonder Killer fired at her. The terrain was rough and not ideal for running, the Wonder Killer had to advantage of just seeming to glide across, whilst Rika had to balance herself with every step, along with having to prevent herself from getting hit by any of the Wonder Killer's attacks. It was a heavy task, too difficult for Rika as she tripped and was stricken the moment she did. Momentarily, she winced in pain, but she couldn't afford to stop. The Wonder Killer was in range for Rika's attacks, brushing off her injury, Rika took the opportunity to strike. "Take this!" Rika exclaimed as she hit the Wonder Killer.He was surprising weak as he tumbled over, yelling in pain.

Rika took the needle that hit her earlier out of her arm, exclaiming a bit, but heard the screams of the girl she was meant to protect as well. "What have you done? You attacked the teacher!" The girl gripped at Rika's collar and pushed her back as she yelled in her face.

"Teacher?" Rika said. This was the Wonder Killer, Rika hadn't met a girl so attached to their Wonder Killer before.

"Of love, the universe, and the spiritual!" The girl continued to berate. Rika was still confused. The girl seemed to lower her tone a bit. "Mama was in poor health and Papa was having trouble at work. We were cursed by karma from out past lives!" She began to yell again, but not as loud as before and not as angry. If anything, her yelling had begin to sound more choked, the girl looked as if she would tear up at any moment. "So, we abandoned our attachments to the physical world! We got rid of our house and money so our whole family could connect with the universe!"

"Are you stupid?" Rika asked the girl. "You all got swindled, and then you killed yourselves."

The girl moved her hand down to Rika's arm, where a large bandage covered her scars. "You suffer too, don't you?" Her voice was the gentlest it has been, as if she was trying to soothe Rika now. Rika tried to interject. 

"Deep down, we're all the same. All fixated on meaningless appearances and statuses. The haves become arrogant, and the have nots become envious." The Wonder Killer raised their head a bit.

"Is this some kind of new age speech?" Rika scorned. The girl gripped Rika's arm tighter, causing Rika to flinch.

"As if you don't cut yourself." 

Rika, with bitter eyes, looked at the girl who still spoke in a coddling voice. "Erase yourself." She suggested. "That will make it easier." The girl raised her arm to show Rika scars of her own. 

"It can be easier?" Rika said. Her eyes and voice were empty.

"Yes!" The girl answered her. 

Rika approached the Wonder Killer, and stood in front of him looking up. 

"All those who I have cradled were able to link to the secrets of the universe." The Wonder Killer evangelized. Rika didn't care much for his blabber, she just wanted to stop struggling, to stop feeling miserable, but it was scary.

"You're still tense." The girl held on to Rika's shoulder from behind her. Rika looked back at her. "It'll be okay." The girl reassured.

The Wonder Killer dragged in needle down Rika's arm, pushing the bandage aside and drawing a great amount of blood from it. "See, it doesn't hurt, does it?"

"No." Rika agreed. 

"There's nothing to be afraid of. Your small, insignificant self can become a part of the vast universe." The Wonder Killer spoke.

"My small... insignificant self..." Rika muttered after him.

"You'll become one with the teacher." The girl's voice was hypnotizing. 

"There's no need to envy or despise anybody." The teacher spoke again. Rika got down on her knees as the Wonder Killer wrapped around her. "You'll erase your karma and be freed."

"That sounds nice..." Rika breathed. "No, it is nice." 

"Rika, don't be fooled!" Ai called out to her.

"Ai?" Rika asked.

"Yes, and everyone else as well." Ai sounded relieved her friend was able to hear her. 

"This isn't like you, Rika!" Momoe contributed. "Are you just going to let it end like this?" Momoe teared up.

"And am I supposed to be like?" Rika asked her, almost tauntingly. 

"Rika, pull yourself together!" Neiru lectured. All of the girls began to encourage Rika, telling her to stop, to fight to escape, but their voices all blended into one. One meaningless sound Rika had no regard for. So meaningless it began to sound silent, and how peaceful the silence was. In a few moments, Rika would be able to experience this peace, to let go and be free. She wasn't sure if she would be happy, but she wouldn't be sad anymore. 

"I'm so tired..." Rika said. 

"Relax and surrender yourself." The Wonder Killer instructed. A small light was let it, it seemed so holy and solemn. His cackles ruined the moment, but Rika had already given in.

"Listen to him Rika. That is how I was saved." The girl advised. The light from her direction disappeared, along with her cooing voice. Rika let out a noise of agreement.

"I want to be saved too."

"Now, the hug of life!" The Wonder Killer began to squeeze himself around Rika like a boa constrictor. 

"Papa..." Rika called out with tears in her eyes. A loud noise and light appeared, Rika noticing this was taking longer than it should opened her eyes. "Huh, Mannen?" The formerly small turtle was now huge, using his body to prevent the Wonder Killer from wrapping around completely. He grunted as he did so. "Mannen, you're only meant to deal with haters." The Wonder Killer bashed their head against Mannen's skull as Mannen bit down on him.  "See, you're getting hurt." Rika pet the oversized turtle. "Don't worry, I'll be okay."

"Redi."

Mannen was forced to listen to Rika's instruction and returned back. 

"Now, as were planning." The Wonder Killer continued to wrap themselves around Rika until he was completely wrapped around her. Rika wasn't sure if it hurt, she was numb. Life slowly faded from her.

"Oh..." Rika said with her final breaths. "Ai, Neiru, Momoe... I suppose I should have told you all..." Rika wasn't able to complete her sentence. The Wonder Killer unwrapped himself from Rika as she lay on the floor, motionless.

The three other girls completed their missions and hurried back to the garden. Each of their hearts were pounding, they hadn't heard from Rika since she responded to Momoe. Surely, she couldn't dead, right? Acca and Ura-Acca wouldn't let that happen. Even when they got injuried, they never died and Acca and Ura-Acca wanted to help them. Nothing comes for free, but they just wanted to help them reunite with their friends. To make amends, even though they were confusing sometimes, even when they were rude and arrogant or unempathetic, they weren't bad people, they wouldn't just let Rika die, would they?

All of the girls met at once at the garden. They all had the same idea on their head. The looked around desperately, Ai, Neiru, Momoe. There was no Rika. They had all lost someone before, but they were still in disbelief. Rika wasn't dead. She's just taken longer to protect her egg girl since she struggled for a bit, just a few minutes would pass and Rika would be right back, that's what the girls all told themselves. As they approached their usual spot, they noticed Acca and Ura-Acca weren't at their normal table either. Perhaps they had gone to intervene and save Rika themselves. There was a sense of hesitance, were they really that selfless? They all doubted it, but they all still wanted to believe that Rika was alive. 

They were silent, all with the same thoughts. They looked at each other, Neiru looking bitter, Ai with an empty eye, and Momoe who has tears in the corner of her eyes. They sat down on the blank, still not speaking a word, they all kept their head down, but at the slightest noise they would look towards the entrance, expecting to see Rika or they would look at the Accas' table waiting for them to come back and announce the Rika was alive.

"It's not like her..." Momoe was the first to speak. "Rika wouldn't do this. She wouldn't die either. Rika is so strong! She wouldn't die! She wouldn't give up! Rika..." She broke into a sob. "Haruka wasn't like this either... and still,"

"Don't say that Momoe." Ai tried to encourage, though her voice was weak. "Koito wasn't like this either. She was so strong. She always acted unbothered, and yet... but Rika is Koito. She isn't Haruka either. She's alive, I'm sure of it."

"What is Rika like?" Neiru interrupted.

"She's strong and brave and confident and outgoing!" Ai responded with passion. She knew Neiru well enough to know what she was trying to imply.

"What is Rika like?" Neiru said again. "We don't know, we only know what she shows. Rika knows what she's like, and Rika might be the type of person to..." not even Neiru could finish her sentence. She moved on. "My sister never seemed like she would jump, nor did she even seem like she would try and hurt me, yet inside that's what she was thinking."

"Rika isn't your sister!" Ai refuted.

"Yet they're both people aren't they?" Neiru raised her voice. "They're human, they take in stimuli and they react in different and similar ways. You can't say Rika isn't like anyone we knew."

"So you can't say their similar either." Momoe argued.

The tension the girls faced was interrupted by the entrance of Accas. The girls all turned to them immediately, Ai looking the most expectantly. Momoe opened her mouth to speak, but her tongue was caught by a small object in her vision. A little yellow pendent that almost formed the shape of a heart. Ura-Acca rubbed their thumb on its little purple core. Soon, it caught the eyes of the other girls as well, but that didn't mean Rika was dead. It could have been she just quit, if she almost died that would be pretty terrifying, it would make sense for her to never come back after. Ura-Acca did say that Rika had given up on fighting. Yeah, the girls told themselves, they just misinterpreted what the Accas' meant. 

Ura-Acca placed the pendent on the table. It broke the silence caused by the the Accas' as it chinked on the table when it landed and barely scrapped across it. Ura-Acca and Acca sat in normal seats, Ura-Acca crossed his legs and looked at the girls. 

"Where's Rika?" Momoe asked. Silence reigned. "Where's Rika?" She began to yell.

"Rika will not be returning." Ura-Acca said.

"She is dead, Ura-Acca. They know what death is, that is why they are here after all." Acca dispelled the misconceptions Ura-Acca created, not even giving the girls and opportunity to feel a sense of relief. 

"How could you let this happen?" Momoe stood up and yelled at them. 

"We didn't do anything. It was Rika's choice to give up and it was hers to continue this egg game." Acca responded. 

"You control this egg game! You let her die!" Momoe accused. 

"We don't control anything. We only create the environment for this to take place. Beyond that, everything is out of control." Acca refuted.

"Please believe us Momoe, we know very well how you feel. It's hard to lose someone, but unless you held their throat and strangled them, it's not our -- or your fault." Ura-Acca empathized.

"You let her die!" Momoe yelled irrationally. She wouldn't listen to anything they tried to say. "You're horrible! How could you do this?" She began to sob through her screaming.

"Momoe, please calm down." Ai approached her friend and put her hand on Momoe's shoulders. Momoe slapped Ai's hand aside and turned back to look at her, furious and clenching her teeth.

"Are you taking their side, Ai?" Momoe yelled in her friend's face.

"Don't be irrational, Momoe." Neiru stood up and pulled Ai away from Momoe. 

"You too, Neiru?" Momoe was still angry, but also sounded betrayed. She looked at Neiru and Ai, then the two Accas. A part of her realized she was wrong, but refused to admit it. Outnumbered and with nothing left to retort, Momoe stomped away from the garden leaving everyone else behind with their emotions. Ai began to break down and sob. Ai fell onto her knees with Neiru trying to comfort her. The Accas looked at the remnants of the tragedy and Ai's messy, pitiful display.

Chapter Text

Another one.

Ai wrapped herself tighter in her dim, messy room. Ai hadn't left her room since the three days ago Rika had died, nor had she eaten or showered. She hadn't moved from her bed, only rolled around in it miserably. She hadn't spoken besides when her mother would knock at her door and try and convince her to come out, but Ai refused. Sometimes, her mother would threaten to drag her out of her room, but Ai knew she didn't have the will to do so. She was starting to feel annoyed with her mother's behavior even. Ai knew her mother only had the best intent in mind, but Ai didn't want to do anything. She just wanted to be left alone with her feelings, yet Ai was lonely and she hated it. Ai was annoyed with her mother, then herself. Wanting to be around someone and feel loved, yet turning away the love the moment it approaches you. Ai hated herself for being so fickle. Then she hated herself a bit more when she thought of her mother. She wasn't a bad person at all, but here Ai was yelling at her to go away. Ai was angry at themselves for being so cruel, such a horrible, horrible person, yet she knew she wouldn't change her attitude even slightly anytime soon. Perhaps that made her a worse person as well.

Ai had come so far, she had made friends, she was happy, and she started to open up towards her mother. Ai dared to believe that she was even beginning to get over Koito, but Ai still wasn't quite sure about that. Her death was still shrouded in mystery and Ai still couldn't understand why she had to die, or even why she took her life. Everything Ai had become, all the strides she had finally made forward, had suddenly all just collapsed in on themselves. Even the one hope that she clung too before she met the rest of the girls: that maybe she should be able to bring Koito back to life through the eggs. Even her hope sometimes it seemed like a scam to her, but the fun that Ai had with the other girls kept those thoughts away. Now she was by herself, and she was forced to think: maybe Koito was never coming back. 

Even if Koito could come back through the eggs, Ai wasn't going to do them anymore. Maybe since she's taking so long to do them, they'd spoil and rot and Ai would be left all alone with nothing to do again. Another one. Ai brooded. It was all she could think about as of late. Koito wasn't coming back. Rika wasn't coming back. All Ai could think about was what she had lost, and she had lost so so much. Ai couldn't even bring herself to cry over the loss of her friends. She was sad, but she couldn't cry. Sadness was not the only thing that filled her. There was still shock, derealization, frustration, and something else Ai couldn't quite name.

It was depression, but Ai didn't want to call it that. It wasn't depression, she couldn't possibly be feeling that horrible she told herself. She's making a big deal out of nothing, sure death is sad, but people die all the time. People are always grieving, and they get over it, so everything Ai was feeling was all nothing to her, just her being overdramatic. Her feelings were conflicting. She told herself she was being overdramatic, so once she stopped it would go away, but even when she tried to stop, Ai still felt miserable. She wanted it to stop, she tried to make all her dry tears come to an end, yet she couldn't. Yet at the same time, Ai didn't want this feeling to leave her. She though some how, these emotions that she felt were her fault. That she deserved to feel this way. 

Ai was a horrible, irritable, whiny, stubborn child in her mind. She could go on and on with all the terrible words that she could use to describe herself, but the point was she was no-good, and a no-good person deserved to suffer and writhe in their no-good feelings. Perhaps I was this way all along. No matter what mascarade I put up, I was only like that because everything was easy for me. Just like when Koito died, I reveal my horrible inner self. A person who blames the world when everything is her fault, and knows it's her fault and refuses to change. Ai berated herself more. A person who turns away at the slightest challenge is no-good and deserves to rot.

There was something about death that still scared Ai. She didn't want to take her own life, but somehow, she still wished for her body to become so withered she would pass away with a silence.

The only thing that every brought Ai out of her mindset for a little while was the buzzing of her phone that had stayed in its charging port for much longer than it should be. Ai didn't want to take it out, because she didn't think she'd have enough motivation to put it back and she didn't want it to die. Ai pathetically crawled over to her phone and opened it. The light shined on her face, causing her to flinch before adjusting to the screen. Neiru had messaged her, what a good friend Neiru had been to Ai. 

Ai felt bad for ignoring her messages. If Ai could hold onto any positive unrealistic mindset, it would be that Neiru didn't hate her. Neiru had made sure to send Ai a message at least once everyday, and though Ai had always left her on seen, Ai was sure Neiru knew Neiru's words meant a lot to her. Neiru would send a variety of things, from things she thought Ai would find cute to pictures of places tagged with "We could go here together someday."

Ai appreciated Neiru's messages, yet they made her feel bitter. Neiru had already been going on with her life, acting as if everything was normal whilst trying to cheer up her friend. Still, Ai let the positivity rain over her for the brief two minutes she would look at the text message. For a few minutes, Ai would become motivated, thinking if Neiru cold continue to live her life, then so could AI. She would get out of her bed, change and be determined to resume living life as she did. Yet when she would go to open up her door, she would picture herself outside with only Neiru. She would see herself smiling, but she could feel emotions dragging her down on the inside. She would wonder how long she could keep that smile up, and worried that once it fell her mood would impact Neiru, and she would compare the occasion out to when Rika was alive. Then Ai would change back into her pajamas, throw whatever she had put on the floor and crawl back into her bed and stare at Neiru's message again in guilt and envy about how Neiru could recover.

Everyday, Ai felt herself becoming less and less motivated to even change their clothes. It had only been three days, but today Ai couldn't bring herself to leave her bed this time.

Nothing would ever be the same. Ai knew that, and she knew the other girls knew that as well. She understood why Neiru would act the way she did, that's just how Neiru was, straight-laced, logical, and unfeeling. Momoe was more similar to her, Momoe would understand the pain Ai was going through. Perhaps that's why Momoe hadn't bothered to reach her or Neiru.

Ai's heart ached. Momoe was definitely still mad at her. Momoe was so much closer to Rika than Ai was, why did she had to open her mouth and say anything? Momoe was probably suffering more than her, Ai had no right to complain about Rika's death. Though it hurt her so, she tried to push down her feelings and lie back down on her bed. Ai wanted to go to sleep. She may have believed that she deserved everything that was happening to her, but she also still thought she was a horrible person, and horrible people do horrible things like escaping from their problems and punishments instead of facing them.

Ai's dreams hadn't been good lately, they were always terrible nightmares. Her nightmares were simply nightmares with no meaning, but when Ai woke up from her terrors, she would try and dissect them and give them meaning, like some sign in Rika's behavior she had missed. Ai struggled to sleep as a result of her nightmares, but not only that. Momoe was still on Ai's mind.

Ai missed Momoe as much as she missed Rika, she supposed the permanence of Rika's death hadn't hit her yet as much as she brooded over it. The girls had stopped speaking in their groupchat, or at least Neiru had given that she was the only one who messaged anyone at all. Ai wasn't sure if this was out of avoidance of the thought of Rika, avoidance of Momoe, or a combination at the two. Ai wasn't sure if Neiru was speaking to Momoe at all. She always could have been. Maybe Momoe had gotten over it as well. Who was Ai to assume that Momoe is in deep grief right now? She never knew Rika enough to say the right words to save her, so how would she know if she knew Momoe enough either? Maybe Neiru and Momoe were hanging out, leaving Ai behind, though Ai supposed that she was the one who was dragging her feet.

Everyone of Ai's friends had lost someone, and now they had all lost two people. Ai hoped her friends were doing well and that they haven't blamed themselves as Ai did. Ai was sure that she was the worst friend for Rika. Momoe and Rika were amazing friends, Ai could see that, and though Neiru was cold towards Rika, she was always grounded and brought Rika back to Earth. What had Ai done for Rika? Be a downgraded version of Momoe?

There had to be something more that she could have done to help Rika, as Ai puzzled about it for the third day. What had she missed? She strained her brain, but was convinced she was too stupid to ever think of anything. Neiru was a genius, Momoe at least went to school, and Rika was a successful idol for sometime. Ai was the odd one out, she always had been. Maybe it was decided from her birth that she would never be able to fit in, from the moment the world had given Ai two differently colored eyes. Sometimes she felt like scratching the color out of them or pulling it out of it's socket entirely, but she knew that would make her even more strange. 

Passed the self-hatred, Ai still tried to think of what she could have missed, what she could have done. Perhaps she should have left the group altogether and left the other girls to enjoy themselves as she continued to stay in her room alone. She figured that might as well have been the case since that's how she ended out anyways. Ai remembered learning about the butterfly effect, it seemed impossible to her, yet still she wondered: if I had never spoken to Rika, would she still be alive right now. Ai recalled how Rika lectured all of them about how it was the victim's own choice to take their lives, but Ai was sure this had to be her fault.

Ai didn't know how, but something suddenly clicked in her brain. She remembered the first time she met Rika in an egg. How Rika had gotten injured, yet somehow all of the wounds didn't fade. In that moment, Ai realizes the marks the were across Rika's arms were self harm scars. The realization hit Ai all at once and she could feel guilt, anxiety, and so many more horrible feelings collapsing in on her at once. How could she had been so stupid? Why did she never think about those marks again?

Ai could have done something, she could have saved Rika. If only she had told someone, or she had talk to Rika about it. She could have done something. 

The thought reinforced Ai's belief that Rika's death was her fault in her mind. Rika did so much to hide those scars that she was sure neither Neiru or Momoe know about them, maybe not even Rika's mother. Only she knew, only she could have done something, but Ai realized three days too late. Why am I so stupid? 

Maybe it's my fault Koito is dead too. It has to be. Koito, then Rika. It has to be my fault. The reason I can't figure out the reason Koito died is because I don't want to. All the times I ignored her being in pain, when I watched her be bullied and turned my back to it, when I couldn't record her being bullied because I was too scared. How do you think Koito was feeling then? And when I walked into her crying on Mr. Sawaki, why didn't I stop him? Why didn't I comfort her. 

"It's no wonder my friends are dead. I'm a horrible friend, I'm a horrible person." Ai muttered to herself. "It's probably for the better that I don't talk to Momoe or Neiru. They're better off without me."

Ai could hear footstep approaching her door. Her mother knocked on her door of the second time today.

"Ai?" Her mother called out to her from behind the door. "Are you talking to someone in there? Are you alright?"

"No, I'm not talking to anyone, Mom! I don't want to talk to anyone!" Ai yelled with irritation in her voice. Though she couldn't see her mother, she could feel her poor mother becoming discouraged and backing off. She could practically see how her mother switched from looking normal to some poor puppy eyes that she tried to disguise, having been hurt by her daughters words. Ai softly laughed three times, not out of the pitiful state she imagined her mother in, but out of a sort of insanity. She simply laughed three times then abruptly stopped. Something felt off.

Ai could feel it inside of her, like someone had flicked a switch inside of her. It felt as if her entire being had changed, like she wasn't Ai, but she could still feel her body. Her heartbeat had started to increase in speed and pound uncomfortably against her chest. It felt as if it was trying to break through her ribcage and escape into the outside world. Ai could imagine her heartbreaking through and landing onto the floor, still pulsing. It was impossible, Ai knew that, yet somehow Ai was still afraid of the possibility which worsened her state. She started to hear blood, banging against her ears the the force her heart going at. Ai had to keep touching her ears to confirm they weren't bleeding, and even after she would check she would still become increasing paranoid of the thought. The more she reached for her ears, the more her hands and arms trembled, and she didn't even realize she was hyperventilating. Her breathing was rapid, yet it felt like she couldn't get any oxygen down it at all, making her hyperventilate more strongly. Her stomach churned too. Ai didn't know what was happening. She was convinced she was dying and her vision got blurry even without the tears that were now streaming down her cheek. Her cheeks felt so cold, the tears were essentially warming them up. 

Ai didn't want to die. Now that death seemed so close to her, she didn't want to die. She was scared, she felt herself getting lightheaded and she worried that if she passed out she would never wake up. 

Even through the slamming of blood into her ears, Ai could still hear the rushed footsteps of her mother coming towards her door as she called out once again, "Ai?" This time there was more distress in her voice. "Ai?" 

For the first time, Ai's mother had come into Ai's room without being invited inside. When she entered, Ai was startled and screamed. Her throat was already dry and she couldn't breath. Yet some somehow she was able to let out a scream that she couldn't stop. "Ai!" Ai still screamed over her mother's voice. Ai's mother grabbed Ai's hands. Ai didn't want to be touched and she tried to pull her hands out of her mother's grasp, but her mother's grip was too tight. Ai screamed until her voice could no longer and her mouth was left gapping over.

"Ai look at me! Look at me!" Her mother's voice tried to remain louder than her daughter's. Ai obeyed. She couldn't see her mother, or anything at all, but she directed her gaze to where she believed the voice was coming from. From the way Ai looked at her mother, her eyes just telling her mother that her mind was somewhere else, her mother knew that Ai still hadn't snapped out of her panic. "Ai look at me!" She repeated again just to be sure. She worried her loud voice would further trigger her daughter, yet she knew that it was the only way to get Ai to hear her. Luckily for her, Ai could barely hear her even with the yelling and she wasn't started by the voice. "Ai breathe! 1, 2, 3, 4..." 

It took Ai sometime to realize why her mother was counting, but her mind was being to clear up and she knew. She began to take deep breaths on her mother's cue. It was uncomfortable to take deep breaths in favor of hyperventilating when her throat felt the way it did and she felt as she would suffocate, but she knew it was for the better. Ai continued to take these breaths until she had calmed down and recollected herself completely. Ai looked up at her mother's worried face and watched as it turned into a relieved smile.

"Mama..." Ai collapsed forward and her mother quickly reacted and caught Ai on her shoulder. Her mother called her name, but Ai couldn't hear until she woke up. She was only out for a few seconds, so Ai didn't even realize she had passed out. "I'm alright, Mama."

:No, you aren't." Ai's mother looked devastated. "Please Ai, you have to talk to me. I don't want to lose you please! I'd do anything for you, anything to make you happy, but you don't talk to me. I respect your space because I know me intruding wouldn't help, but now I feel I have to or everything is just going to get worse. Please Ai, tell me something."

Ai couldn't store her feelings inside anymore. She burst out crying. She had cried when she had panicked, but not as much as this. Ai felt as her body would go from consisting of eighty percent water to zero with how many tears she was shedding. Her mother quietly embraced her daughter and stroked her back. Once Ai finished crying, she hiccupped and her mother briefly left to get Ai water. She reassured her daughter that she would returned before leaving to get the water. She returned and handed it to her daughter to drank it as she now calmed down. Ai looked as she was ready to speak as she gently opened her mouth, letting a few seconds pass before she spoke.

"Mama... you know how I made some friends?" Ai began. Her mother nodded, her eyes looking so understanding and sympathetic. Ai wanted to continue. "Neiru, Rika, and Momoe. A few days ago... Rika killed herself." Ai's mother gasped. She seemed devastated, even though she never knew Rika. Ai could only imagining she was thinking about how Ai was being affected by it. "Her funeral is tomorrow, Neiru told me."

"I'm so sorry, Ai." Her mother uttered.

"No, it's okay. Well, it's not, but just... I saw that she cut herself, but I didn't realize until today. If only I had realized earlier, maybe I could have saved her. Maybe I could have saved Koito too-"

"Don't say that, Ai!" Her mother interrupted. "You didn't know, you can't force yourself to know, it just happens. I know it hurts, but it was Rika's choice, it was Koito's too." Her mother said Koito very cautiously, worrying her daughter might panic again. "They did it, and it was up to them. Even if there was something, you can't go back in time. Nothing will change." Her mother started tearing up. "I'm glad to have such a kind, selfless daughter." 

Ai was shocked. "I'm... kind? Selfless?"

"Of course!" Ai's mother seemed shocked that Ai didn't think that about herself. "Don't ever doubt yourself about that. Even after time has passed, you're still thinking of ways you could have helped them. I know it hurts, but the only thing you can do now is help someone you always seemed to neglect. Yourself. They... they may be gone, there's nothing more you can do, but you're still here, so treasure yourself." 

Ai teared up again, she didn't even know there were any tears left inside of them. She hugged her mother tightly, and she could feel her mother's comforting smile upon her. "Mama... thank you..." She sniffled.

"Even if you don't get better today, or even you don't get better this week, or month, don't get mad at yourself. It's going to take time before you get better, but please think of me when you're done. Even if it doesn't work all the time, I love you."

Ai tapped away at her phone. She did her best to reply to all of Neiru's messages in order. She was repeating herself a bit with phrases like "so cute!" or "that would be so fun!" but she wanted to catch up on everything. Once she replied to everything, she saw in the midst of it, Neiru had sent her another message.

"Good to see you're doing well again :)." That was the first time Ai had seen Neiru use any kind of emoticon. Ai smiled and giggled inside. 

"Have you talked to Momoe recently? We should all meet up soon!" Ai messaged.

"No, I haven't talked to her ;-;." Neiru replied.

Ai closed out of Neiru's messages and looked at her contacts list. She wanted to message Momoe, but she was nervous. What if she was still mad? Ai pushed those thoughts down. She knew how happy Neiru's messages made her feel, she wasn't Momoe, but she could only assume being reached out to would make Momoe feel the same way Ai did with Neiru's messages.

Hands shaking, Ai opened Momoe's messages. She typed a message, then deleted it. Typed, deleted, typed, deleted. Ai grew frustrated with her cowardly behavior. She had been dancing around how to speak to Momoe. She wanted to act like everything was normal, just like Neiru did, but she knew that wouldn't work on Momoe. If anything that might make Momoe more angry. She decided to be straightforward. She was convinced Momoe would be mad with her no matter what she said, but patching things up was the whole reason she was messaging Momoe, so she would fix their relationship, no matter what.

"Hey Momoe, how have you been? I know Rika was close to you, and I know how hurt you were. We fought the day she died, but we can't keep not speaking to each other. I want us to be friends again, Neiru too, and I hope that you're doing well. I hope your doing well, and please don't blame yourself." Ai decided that got her full message across. "It's what Rika would have wanted." Ai thought on that part for a bit, then deleted it. It was too cliche, too insincere, and given the discussion they had on who Rika really was the day she died, she was sure Momoe would have turned it against her and shut out Ai. Ai needed to be forward and charging, yet not stubborn. She needed Momoe to listen.

Ai clicked the send button and watched her phone anxiously, waiting for Momoe's reply.

Chapter Text

Neiru had always been isolated from her peers, always isolated from people in general for she had no one to call family either. When Ai, Momoe, and Rika came, that changed. She felt like she was living a normal life, like a girl her age should. Yet now, she was right back to square one. Neiru was a bit hurt, she told herself, but she supposed being alone again wasn't so bad, this was the life she had for most recent parts of her life. Being together with everyone and saving girls in eggs was a fun, unique change, Neiru never imagined being able to literally delve into the psyches of anyone, let alone desisted girls, but she knew nothing is ever permanent. Neiru tried to be thankful that she ever got the opportunity in the first place considering the strange circumstances that she came to be. Even apart, she hoped Momoe and Ai were faring well, despite how the last time they were together went, she didn't hate them at all. If anything, she hated herself the most.

Neiru found it quite funny how she was most upset with herself for what happened. Selfish, unemphatic Neiru who tried to factor emotions out of every equation she solved and look at every scenario with a clear head, now held so many emotions towards herself and her actions. Even after she sided with Acca and Ura-Acca, telling Momoe it was ultimately Rika's choice and no one else's, she couldn't help but think she was somehow at fault for what occurred. The girls were outwardly emotional, that was what made their time together so fun, but maybe Neiru should have been the one to make sure everyone was in check. She was the most responsible out of all of them, that's why she tried to keep in touch with Ai and Rika's mother. As the most responsible one, it was only right for her to take on most of the burden. She truly hoped none of the other girls were blaming themselves, or perhaps she was being hypocritical. No matter how much she wished for it, she knew she couldn't control their emotions. It was easy for them to feel the guilt, then hope she wasn't feel it either. I can't control their emotions, huh? Neiru chuckled a bit to herself. That means I couldn't have controlled Rika either. I know it's not my fault, but still... I feel like it definitely is. It's not like me to be this fickle, is it?

Neiru let out a sigh. She knew that eventually one day the girls would part, though she never knew it would be like this. Even so this is the ending they faced and there was nothing she could to about it but try and move on and pick up what debris were left. Perhaps Ai, Momoe, and her would get an epilogue tomorrow at Rika's funeral, though with how she knew Momoe she doubted that it would be the happily-ever-after ending that she dreamed of.

Death is inevitable, yet this seemed to sting her much more than she ever thought it would and the fact tomorrow things would finally be set into stone seemed more surreal to her. She didn't have such strong feelings about her sister's passing, even though she knew her for much longer and even got stabbed. The time the group shared together was worth so much to Neiru. She would be willing to admit that she treasured their memories deeply, but she still didn't see any reason for her to be so irrational.

Maybe, if it was possible, Neiru could find a way to engineer a machine to go back in time. To stop Rika from doing what she did, or maybe back much farther to the point where Rika never had to undergo any trauma or stress. Even if it meant they would never meet, Neiru much rather that than the ending that she met here. Neiru certainly had the money to invest in a project like that, but she knew it would be a waste of resources and time. Time travel would always be impossible for her, time was much more abstract and it was a human made concept at that. Why we move in the consistent line forward with our actions impacting a future that hasn't come and a past that we could recall was something that was even beyond her expanse of knowledge. Though her fantastical idea did remind her of someone else who always told her and tried their outlandish concepts.

Neiru treaded towards the set of coffee brown curtains and pushed them aside, then pushed a lighter pink curtain aside as well, fully revealing Kotobuki. Neiru pulled up and chair and sat next to the machine, bending over to get closer and putting her hand on her cheeks.

"Good evening Kotobuki." Neiru greeted with a smile. She had such a loving tone in her voice. "You'll never guess what happened in the past days. I got to travel to parallel worlds in order to save my sister. I bet you would have loved that, the travel part. I wonder how you would feel now that Airu is gone. I guess you would pity me, now that I'm all lonely. But, I'm not lonely at all. I met three other girls when I travelled, and we all hung out together almost everyday. Its a bit tragic to think that they all lost someone they had to save as well, but we were brought together and I think that made it easier for all of them. I finally enjoyed myself like you always told me to." Neiru let out a sad sigh in between talking to her. "I bet you would have loved to meet, them... I hope you wake up soon. Not that you'd be able to meet them anyways, not anymore..."

"I messed up. Well, I guess it wasn't my fault, but there was definitely something I could have done to change the outcome. What would you tell me if you could talk? Would it be to move on and pick up what's left with a smile on my face? Well, I'm trying to do that, minus the smile. It's really hard, but you're supporting me, right? When you wake up, you can berate me all you want on what I'm doing wrong. You can say 'No, Neiru I wouldn't have said that! I would have said this, and I would have told you to do this!'" Neiru chuckled, though she still felt a bit lonely. "Oh, I guess I shouldn't leave you clueless about what happened. Well, this will be tough to say. I cared about those girls a lot, as much as I care about you, so to speak of bad things happening to them..."

"A few days ago, all of us went to different parallel worlds. We weren't together for this one. Oh, the parallel worlds were actually the minds of girls who had died. You really would have loved that. Exploring people's minds, plus you always were enamored by death, that's how you got yourself stuck in this situation in the first place. We were supposed to go into their minds, and kill a personification of their trauma and someone who traumatized them. We had little pets that grew to be huge, and there were small evils too. No matter how much we got hurt, we wouldn't die, well not in that world anyways. All the damage we sustained would apply to our bodies here, I got into real trouble with that the first day I met Ai - she's one of the girls I made friends with." Neiru reminisced joyfully on the first day she met Ai. It wasn't the best day she had ever had, but she knew what would follow, she looked upon that moment fondly. "Oh, I still haven't told you what went wrong have I? Sorry, sorry I'll tell you." Neiru tried to laugh a bit, but thinking of what happened made her solemn again.

"Like I said, we all went to different parallel worlds, but we could all communicate with each other. Well, one of the girls I was friends with was fighting. Not just the things inside the world, but she was fighting with herself as well. Fighting with her thoughts, her trauma, her feelings. She was fighting, and then she decided to stop fighting..." Neiru looked back on the moment. She was the quickest to accept Rika's death. She felt almost as she knew the moment that Rika died, the moment there was nothing more she could do, yet she kept calling out, hoping that she was wrong, hoping that something could change. "In her last moments. We were all calling out to her, telling her not to do it, but we couldn't do a thing. After that, we regrouped where we always did and she didn't show. At that point, all of us realized she was dead. One of us accused the... should I call them curators? One of us accused the curators, saying they killed her for not stepping in and helping, but we all said that it was ultimately the dead girls choice to take her own life. She was best friends with the dead girl, so she got really upset with us. Ai was really upset with that, she hasn't messaged me ever since then. She cared about all of us a lot, so I can tell why she's hurt. I cared about all of us too..."

"I'm going to sound a bit silly here, but I think it wasn't my fault, but I still think I messed up. I messed up because well... I feel like I was too harsh with her while she was alive. She always seemed so carefree and not serious. Oh, I forgot to mention she used to be a semi-popular idol as well. Her death made the news. The person she was trying to save, it was a fan of hers. She insulted her, she should have known she was in a position to influence her greatly, and then her fan died because of that. I had fun with her, but I think we butt heads the most. I always saw her as reckless, and I think she saw me as way to uptight. I always critiqued her about this and that." Neiru had a bitter look on her face as she recounted the way she treated Rika, the way she treated the group in general. Besides with Ai, she felt different. Ai got along with everyone, but Neiru was always running her mouth on what was right to do in the scenario even when they were opposed to it. Still nothing seemed to go wrong with them, the group seemed completely normal, but Neiru supposed Rika couldn't put up that façade anymore. "She would always bounce back, so I thought it was fine, but maybe if I was a bit nicer to her this wouldn't have happened."

"I was awfully cold to her best friend as well that day. As if I hadn't learned my lesson enough. Even then, when I knew she was in pain, I tried to shoot her down with logic. I haven't spoken to her since that day. I can't keep deflecting people with logic. People aren't always logical, they're emotional sometimes that's part of being human. It's inevitable, having emotions is, and I think... that's alright." Neiru paused for a bit. Even though she was different from others, she was still a person. The labs denied her of the life she could have lived and she played her role as they instructed her, but perhaps it wasn't too bad to show emotion? Neiru still wasn't sure if she would be able to do that. Almost instinctively, she recoiled back. She had been spilling her guts out to Kotobuki, and all at once she began to act cold again. She sat back up straight in her chair and put her usual face on. "I'm acting foolish aren't I? I say it was Rika's choice to kill herself, then I blame myself. Then I say emotions are alright, but look at how they've torn our group apart. Ah, you might get mad at me for that one, but it's true isn't it? If we were always logical, then imagine all the problems we could avoid. It's not inevitable, I don't think, not if you put your mind to it, I just need to stop being as fickle as I have been lately. Though I suppose I'll still have to adjust my line of thinking in order to factor in other's emotions from now on since they can't think like me. I'll try and change so nothing like that happens again." Neiru looked off and put her fingers on her chin.

"Ah, I blamed myself for her actions again. I've been acting really strange lately. I even made a mistake on one of the documents I was working on recently. That's so unlike me, isn't it? I guess my mind was thinking of something else. That's so unlike me isn't it? Miss Tanabe lectured me a lot for that, she noticed that wasn't like me either." Neiru tried to make the mood lighthearted again, but she kept thinking about Rika. "I really cared a lot about Rika. In her last moments... when we were calling out to her, nothing I said could reach her. Nothing I said could sway her to even reconsider her decision. She was so set in stone about what she was about to do." Neiru leaned over disappointedly and put her hand on her cheek. She let out a frustrated sigh. "Maybe it was because she wasn't the logical type so she didn't understand anything I said. Maybe it was because she didn't want to listen to a person who had treated her so horribly. I promise you, I'll learn from that. I'll consider people's feelings next time I do anything. Of course, that won't change my final plan, but I'll try and consider their priorities in order to be more persuasive. Oh, I keep blaming myself, sorry. You're probably tired of me making tons of loops back to this topic, huh?"

A strand of hair dropped onto Neiru's face. She blew it back up with her mouth. She seemed bored as she fidgeted with her tongue inside her mouth, repeatedly poking her cheek and running it over her teeth. Her eyes looked elsewhere as she was pensive in thought. It seemed not to be her formulating a thought, but rather she was thinking about whether or not it was a good idea to share it. Her face flinched for a second, almost as if something had given her heart a light poke. Finally, she decided to say what was on her mind.

"Maybe. It's not that she's emotional or I was too blunt... maybe it was that my voice didn't matter at all." Neiru felt horrible inside, but she still kept her composure. "Maybe regardless of how I treated her it wouldn't have mattered. I kept calling out to her, even when I knew she was dead. I kept yelling thinking my voice could change something, that an angel would strum on my vocal cords and magically resurrect her. I knew it wasn't going to happen, yet I kept yelling to her. Even if I wasn't there, the result wouldn't have changed. I don't think the world would be much different if I didn't exist. There are too many people for someone like me to make an impact. They could create any smart child, maybe they could have made an embryo that would grow to be more intelligent that me. I don't think it specifically matters that I'm alive, that can't change anything can it?" The words that came out of Neiru's mouth were horrible, but once she spoke one word the rest followed out like a river. The worst part was that Neiru believed it all to be true. She couldn't make any rebuttal to it. Neiru had no reason to erase herself, nor did she had plans to, but she could help, but think 'even if there was no me, Neiru, would things be all that different?'

"When had my voice ever made a change? Not in the company, they could care less about what I say. Whether I go out or stay in it's all the same to them. My voice couldn't stop you either." Neiru's voice became unstable and her throat began to sting slightly. "When I told you it was a bad idea, or that it was dangerous, you didn't listen to me. Now you're just stuck in a machine and I'm waiting for you to wake up! Please... it's not your fault, I'm sorry for making it sound that way. Please don't pity me. You're not even listening are you?" A single tear fell from Neiru's eye.

"You're dead, aren't you Kotobuki?" Neiru stood up, suddenly erect. She had stood up quickly enough that there enough force that her chair slid back a bit. She didn't understand why she said that. It's not like Kotobuki would give a reply. The silence was so, so bitter for Neiru to listen to. She wiped her tear and turned away. "I'm going to take a shower. I couldn't save Rika. I couldn't save you. I'm just an empty voice talking to an empty body." Neiru spoke as if she was directing it towards Kotobuki, yet it sounded more like she was berating herself.

"I can't save anyone, I was reckless the first day I opened that egg. I almost died, I wonder if a day will come where I can't save myself either." Neiru muttered. She closed both sets of curtains as she stood alone in the center of her room. She looked at her ceiling, as if there was someone up there who could hear her plea, who could fix everything and make her alright again. Yet, no angel to save Rika, and no one would save her. Neiru took deep breaths to regain her composure. She was now back to being her stiff regular self. No angel was coming down to kiss her on the cheek and solve her problems, but still Neiru looked up to the ceiling as she made her final declaration. "Is there even a point in saving myself?"

As Neiru stood in her bathroom, she looked at herself in the mirror. She didn't know how to describe the feelings she felt from confronting her own emotions. She mostly felt neutral to her own appearance, but at the same time there was a deep weight sitting in the pit of her stomach. She stepped away from her mirror and headed into the actual shower. 

She turned the faucet, allowing the water to first run all over her body. The little droplets trace over every curve and cranny of her body. As they ran over her back, Neiru couldn't help but flinch over how much it stung. She hadn't opened any eggs since the day Rika died, so her scar had been aching ever since. She had lived with the slight pain in her back, going about her day pretending it wasn't there, but showering always reminded her. Every droplet that traced over that area was another needle being inserted. Usually, Neiru had made her showers quicker because of that, but today she lingered in the pain. No matter how much she kept flinching and jumping, she continued to linger in it for much longer than she normally did.

Neiru still did have to clean herself though. That may have been the main driving factor as to why she stopped standing in pain. She quickly scrubbed herself down, feeling iffy when she had to clean the scar, then dried herself. Neiru wrapped a towel around her torso and her hair, leaving her face slightly wet. She had earlier left her phone by her sink and as she flicked her head towel off, further wetting her face, she heard it go off. She was quite surprised, her phone hadn't gone off like that in a while. She was receiving a lot of notifications. She set her head towel aside, and walked over to see if it was something urgent.

Neiru felt waves of joy splashing against her as she saw the culprit behind her phone repeatedly going off. Ai had finally replied to her messages. They were mostly sort generic replies, but Neiru was relieved her friend was at least starting to recover. 

It was a happy moment, it should have been, but for some reason Neiru felt like she didn't deserve Ai. She had been so cold towards all the girls and though Ai didn't seem to mind, yet Neiru still felt a sense of guilt. The good feeling was killed just like that. At least Neiru wasn't completely done, she had just returned to a neutral unfeeling state. "Good to see you're doing well again :)." Neiru had never used an emoticon before, but she wanted to seem more compassionate and feeling, though she was quite the opposite. Though her emoticon smiled, Neiru was numb, somehow she seemed even number than how she usually acted. 

Neiru felt like she lost a part of her humanity that day. A part of herself. All her emotions exploded for the past 3 days, just for them to implode back into nothing. The emptiness of the universe before the universe even was.

Chapter Text

Momoe looked at herself in the mirror. There wasn't a thing on Earth that could be compared to what Momoe felt for these past few days. Perhaps a fire, but even that wasn't passioned enough. Though, it was the most accurate in terms of it's actions. Setting a match to a forest would burn it up, but the match would incinerate itself as well. Maybe a bomb, one where you light the fuse and it slowly ticks down to explode -- Momoe certainly had a lot in her ready to burst out, but more than anything it was scorching inside. 

She could deflect it all she wanted, or all that she didn't want, she simply couldn't help it. Being angry became natural to her, regardless of whether she meant the things she said or not. Momoe had trapped herself in a vicious cycle. Maybe a personality like this is why Rika killed herself. How could I be such a horrible person? Do I even deserve to throw myself a pity party like this? Momoe bit down on her lip unconsciously. Nothing but Rika had gone through her head these past days. Her outbursts were all automatic, she could barely even remember them after they happened, all she could think about was Rika.

As of late she had come to hate her reflection more than she ever had before. Now she could only see herself, herself in a body that didn't seem to be hers but definitely was. There was nothing that could separate the image of the physical Momoe from the thought of the internal one, yet that alone wasn't enough to cause all the contempt towards her reflection Momoe felt. When she looked in a mirror, all she saw was a monster instead of a person. A monster who couldn't save her best friend and then tore to shreds what relationship she had with her other friends. Momoe was alone with herself, and in her mind she fully deserved it. 

There were times the rage inside Momoe was so strong, she could she herself hurting those around her and it scared her, and hence she began a recluse. Though sometimes when the fury flared when she looked at herself, she could so vividly see herself punching right through the mirror, the glass piercing her skin and beginning to dye red. It stung so strongly as she dripped the same crimson color her vision was painted over with. Then for a moment, she would be afraid. Afraid of what she had become, but wonder if there was any kind of transformation in the first place, perhaps she was like this all along. Then she would come back to reality, a layer of her feelings peeled away to reveal what was inside.

Her anger was real, she knew it was, it had to be if she was feeling it like this, but she also knew it was a façade. A simple, so easily breakable defense. She was sad, lonely, and so so broken. She missed Rika so much. She missed Ai and Neiru, and she didn't even hate the Accas that much. No matter what, she did feel the Accas were responsible for setting up this environment. They were negligent, and that's why Rika died, but Momoe felt as she was no better so she empathized with them in a way. Though she hated the defense they gave. So long as you didn't physically murder them you were abstained from guilt? What a stupid ideology Momoe thought. There was no part of that she agreed with, after all, she still felt it was her fault that Rika died. If you were to ask her why, she wouldn't be able to say. It was simply something she felt in her gut, and that was the strongest voice of all to her. Much stronger than her actual voice, which she deemed worthless after failing to save Rika.

Momoe backed and turned away from her mirror briefly. She had begun to look at it for too long and couldn't recognize herself in it anymore. Still, somehow she felt the distorted image perceived was true self. I can't see myself clearly even when I look, no wonder I couldn't see anything that Rika was going through. I'm so stupid! Her lip now had begun to bleed. She simply sucked it back into her mouth, darting her tongue over the tender, metallic-tasting wound. 

What exactly was it that Rika was going through? Momoe was completely oblivious to it, she couldn't even guess. She knew she had issues with her father and would occasionally go on rants to Momoe about her mother, but was that all? Momoe supposed she shouldn't judge, after all, she had a good set of parents, but still there must have been something more. Rika was so carefree and lighthearted all the time, Momoe couldn't imagine there was anything going on behind there. Momoe questioned if she was just weak for occasionally bursting into tears during her fits of rage, while Rika maintained that mask for so long. Was it truly a mask, or just something the Wonder Killer had fed her? What is Rika supposed to be like?

The number one person to answer that question would be Rika, and she asked that to Momoe herself. Momoe felt like she should know the answer, but she didn't know a thing. The blood had stopped draining to the wound Momoe opened, and licking it barely made it sore anymore so she ceased. She tossed herself onto her bed and continued to ponder the question for the third day. Everyday it was the same, tracing information back to the same source and trying to find anything, but she couldn't. What is Rika supposed to be like?

Momoe felt this was a question she should know the answer to, and it hurt her to think she couldn't. Momoe tensed her whole body to stop herself from crying. Out of everyone in the group, she and Rika were by far the closest, yet she couldn't answer the question. When she wasn't self-loathing, glaring at her reflection, or doing the basics needed to sustain life, Momoe was thinking about the solution to the question. It kept her awake at night sometimes, why couldn't she answer it? I bet Neiru would know. She's so smart and knows everything of course. Momoe's thoughts spoke of Neiru in both admiration and sarcasm. Her thoughts rolled their eyes, yet still couldn't deny Momoe's intellectual inferiority to Neiru (and in the mindset she had know, Momoe thought this made her wholly inferior as a human being in every regard),

There were times where Momoe began to doubt her friendship with Rika, wonder if it was just one-sided. She questioned if Rika truly did like her, if the relationship they had was all Momoe making it up her head. It couldn't be. Though the doubts arose, this was the one thing Momoe would never let herself be fully convinced of even in her currently mentality, but that made her inability to answer the question even more frustrating. If she and Rika were so close, why didn't she know the answer? 

Maybe it was Momoe's oblivious nature. That's the conclusion Momoe would come to every night, but it wasn't the satisfactory solution that she wished for. Momoe thought it was most likely that she had been ignorant all this time, and that's why she couldn't help Rika. Yet, when she played back their conversations in her head (she had them now all engraved into her heart since Rika's passing), Momoe couldn't find anything that signified Rika had anything really wrong with her.

For the first time, Momoe had this epiphany. Maybe Rika simply didn't tell her. Momoe couldn't understand why Rika wouldn't tell her with how close she believed their bond was, and she hated to put the blame on Rika herself, but it did seem most probable. Momoe began tired of tensing her body and relaxed, though that met tears began to fall from her eyes as well.

"Why wouldn't you tell me anything? Why wouldn't you let me help?" The words slipped out of her mouth accidentally, and she said them choked with tears.

"Honestly, I could ask the same to you." A muffled female voice spoke from behind a door. 

"Mom! Don't eavesdrop on me!" Momoe yelled. It strained her throat a bit.

"Look, yesterday you yelled at me for knocking, so now I'm just quietly standing here. It's time for you to eat." Momoe's mother ordered.

Momoe growled into her bed and sat up aggressively. The springs of her mattress creaked and bounced. She threw her pillow at the wall and gripped its sides tightly once it had fallen back onto her bed. She gripped it so hard, her fingers began to hurt from the force of pressure she was applying. If she was any stronger, Momoe would have ripped the pillow into nothing but shreds, but attempting to make one tear put so much strain on her body it had physically tired her out. She had as many outburst as she could, trying to empty out everything she felt into somewhere, but she was simply feeling too much. Eventually, Momoe gave up trying to release all her anger and focused on looking presentable. She looked at her mirror again, and as much as she wanted to spit at it, she used it just to check it hadn't been obvious she was crying.

Momoe took one deep breath and then walked outside of her room. She kept her composure as much as she could, but it was still easy to tell that she was irritated. Her mother eyed her. Momoe's mother looked as she wanted to make some gentle scolding remark about Momoe's face, but she had heard enough of Momoe's bark for the past three days. Momoe sat down at the table with her father whilst her mother plated all the seats and joined them. Momoe couldn't tell if the tension she felt in the air was real, or just the thread in her mind about to snap again. Her family began their meal as usual.

The more Momoe tried to seem normal, the more apparent it was she was struggling. It was a bit funny to her, she focused so hard on try to chew normally without looking aggressive but she knew that just made her look uncharacteristically robotic. For the most part, she looked down at her food, trying to avoid any conversations, but occasionally looked up to gauge the atmosphere. She could see the worry and discontent on her parent's face, but that only mad her want to avoid them more. She didn't want to confront them about anything just yet. Without even saying anything, their faces seemed to pressure her into saying something, but that only made Momoe scorn. Why couldn't they just understand she wasn't ready? Nor did she feel deserving of releasing any tension from her body, but she still doubted she could still this way forever.

Momoe had wolfed down her food as fast as she could, just to get out of the room. The moment she finished it, she got up. She was in such a hurry, her chair made such a loud noise, coupled with the pre-existing silence. Her parents simply looked up at her. Momoe pushed her chair in and turned her back to the table. "Momoe, could you wash your dish? And please be more gentle with the chair."

"Can't I do it later?" Momoe ended up growling the response, though she never intended to. It was an innocent question, but the thread in Momoe's head had snapped already. All she wanted to do was run back to her room and be done with the day. 

"Momoe, sweetie. There's no need to you that tone with your mother. Your tongue has been sharp like that for the past few days." Her father commented.

"And what about it? Can't I just go to my room?"

"We're worried about you, that's what about it. The last time you started acting like this around us was when your friend passed. Even then, you didn't seem to be so aggressive. Just hurt." Her father responded. "Please just tell us what's going on, Momoe. I'm sure we'd be able to help you in some way."

"Can't you just leave me alone?" She snapped.

"Can't I do this, can't I do that." Her mother parroted as she stood up. "Can't you just calm down and tell us what's going on? Who have you been hanging around with lately, because I did not raise such a disrespectful daughter. I have been trying my best to accommodate you for the past few days, but how long are you going to act like this? You need to talk to us." Momoe's father stood up to bring her mother back down -- both to the table and emotionally.

One of her mother's comments struck a cord with Momoe. "There is nothing wrong with the people I hang out with! They're all such wonderful people I..." Momoe began to get choked up. Tears started forming in her eyes and she couldn't tell if it was because of grief or because she was so riled up. "Don't you dare try to blame this on... them..." Momoe felt a bit of hypocrisy in her and her guilt deepened.

Momoe wasn't ready. She knew she wasn't ready and it had only been three days yet here she was a concoction of negative emotions. She couldn't stand to feel like this, Even though she felt she needed to atone for Rika, it was only human nature to stop feeling this way. She glanced over at her plate, the instigator of this discussion. Turned around and gripped it tightly.

"Momoe, please calm down. We really just want to help you." Her father elaborated. "We don't want you to feel hurt, we care about you."

"Then why did you get so angry at me over a plate?" She yelled. Without realizing it, she had reflexively raised her fist and slammed it down on the table. The plate had shattered and she leaped back upon hearing it. Her arm shortly, sharply stung upon hitting the table.

She briefly looked at her parents in horror, worrying she had hurt them. Her mother had stood up again and was staring darts at Momoe. She looked at her father, he also seemed unharmed, but stared at Momoe as well. That struck Momoe as odd, considering his typically gentle behavior. Though, her mother was a gentle person normally as well and Momoe had still pushed her off the edge. Then, Momoe felt warmth.

She looked down at her hand and the shards of the plate pierced into some of the interdigital folds of her hand. It was a bit what she expected to happen with the mirror, but not quite the same. Momoe held her hand still, even the slightest jerking movement seemed to sting harshly. Blood oozed slightly from the cuts and it was quite a lot, but the amount seemed to slow down once it bubbled up to a certain point. Her father cautiously approached her and held her hand, causing Momoe to jerk it away but that only caused a shard to move and cut her farther, causing her to yelp slightly.

"I'm so sorry, Momoe." Her father apologized and this time grabbed her wrist first.

A bit of blood had spilt onto the floor from the shifting of the shard. It wasn't a significant amount, but it was enough to cause another crimson blood to ooze forward again. Momoe couldn't take her eyes off it. I'm...

Momoe had lost herself in her thoughts. Even though she was in pain herself right now, she couldn't help but think about Rika. Rika bleed when she died too, didn't see? It was a strange association to make, but once she had locked on to Rika she couldn't take her mind off her again. Her heart truly did ache so dearly for Rika. She missed her so much. She was back to the question, why did Rika do it? What was Rika like? Was her death even her own fault?

Maybe... it really was Momoe's fault. Why did Haruka kill herself? Haruka who was always there to support Momoe, who always defended her when Momoe couldn't do it herself. Why did she kill herself because of Momoe? Momoe should have never meet Haruka in the first place. Then Haruka would have never fell in love with her and she wouldn't have killed herself. 

People were better off without Momoe. Just look at how she was making her parents feel, in just three days. Look at the way she made Ai and Neiru feel. Look at the way she made the Accas feel, and look at why Haruka and Rika were gone again. Momoe swore she could see her reflection in the shards the dug into her hands and in the liquid red mirror as well. She was looking at the reason everything had gone wrong. She couldn't understand what she did wrong, but it must be something. She hung her head down.

Her mother approached Momoe with a towel drenched in alcohol and bandages. "Momoe, are you okay? I'm so sorry for saying all that. This is going to sting a bit okay?" She raised the towel to Momoe's fingers.

"... Get away from me." Momoe said weakily.

"What?" Her mother said shocked. She grabbed Momoe's hand, and Momoe was sure she was in trouble, yet her mother just held the towel to her wound. It did sting, and Momoe yelped again.

"Get away from me!" She ripped herself free of the grasp of both her parents. There were a hundred different ways Momoe could have handled that situation better, and she knew that. Still, she was sticking with what her gut told her, and her gut told her to scream until her throat was in shreds and be upset until she folded inside out. She ran to her room, and while not her intent she slammed the door from the momentum of her run. 

She sat against the door to keep her parents out and closed her ears. She couldn't understand why she was being so stubborn, why she was inflicting more misery on the already hurting, but Momoe partially gave up on understanding. She accepted it was just the way she was as she cried to herself in her room again. 

From across the room. Though she ears still covered, Momoe heard her phone go off. She was scared of getting up, but she didn't want to just sit on the floor crying either. She waited a few minutes, then went to look at her phone. It hurt to use her hand to push herself up. She opened her phone, using her uninjured hand and saw. It was a message from Ai.

"Hey Momoe, how have you been? I know Rika was close to you, and I know how hurt you were. We fought the day she died, but we can't keep not speaking to each other. I want us to be friends again, Neiru too, and I hope that you're doing well. I hope your doing well, and please don't blame yourself." 

Momoe felt all the emotions she felt in the dining room all over again. She almost threw her phone against the wall, but restrained herself from messing up again. She replied to Ai instead. She had to use her one hand to send the message. If Ai was waiting on the other side, she must have been extremely anxious seeing Momoe typing, but waiting for so long. Momoe could only imagine Ai's disappointment with the reply Momoe gave.

"Don't talk to me."

"I deserve to blame myself." Momoe added on.

Momoe sent both of the messages and saw Ai had read them. In her head, she apologized. I'm so sorry, Ai. It's for the better though... maybe. Momoe sighed once more. Maybe tomorrow I'll be a better person.