Archive of Our Own

"Babe, I'm home." Jihoon calls out tiredly. To say he is exhausted is an understatement. To describe it better, he feels like he's going to die. 

He hates being a corporate slave but he really has no other choice. He's just thankful to have gotten a job straight out of university in the first place and is even more thankful that today is Friday and he gets to spend the whole weekend with his boyfriend.

"Babe?" He calls out for the second time while tidily putting his shoes inside their shoe rack. He knows his boyfriend is home, he can hear the television on low volume and can smell the scent of beef stew from the kitchen.

'Is he in the bathroom?'

He enters the living room and sees his boyfriend of five years, Kwon Soonyoung, sitting on the couch, laptop on the coffee table in front of him. He's idly staring at the bright laptop screen, face emotionless and eyes hazy.

From Jihoon's point of view, it seems like Soonyoung is staring at nothing.

"Babe?" Jihoon slowly approaches him and when he is near enough, almost in front of Soonyoung, he calls him out for the fourth time. 

"Babe."

That seems to have snapped Soonyoung out of his trance as he hurriedly stands up, engulfing Jihoon's smaller stature in a tight, tight hug. Jihoon's face is all squished on Soonyoung's shoulder, struggling to breathe as the hug gets tighter, as he aggressively taps his boyfriend’s arm. 

He was about to scold the other boy when he sees tears in the corner of his eyes. At this point, Jihoon was ready to fight whoever, until he notice the wide grin painting Soonyoung’s lips. 

"Babe, you won't believe this!" Soonyoung excitedly says, as he drags Jihoon down to the couch. He clumsily taps on the screen, and Jihoon squints his eyes to read, a gasp soon follows after he reads the email. 

It was an invitation. An email from CSJ Entertainment, asking if Kwon Soonyoung is willing to participate in the choreography making for the upcoming comeback of their top boy group, Seventeen.

Seventeen is huge. As in huge. The 10-member group has a solid fan base all over the world and has sold millions of albums. Their songs are topnotch and the group is highly praised for their synchronization. Their faces are everywhere, on billboards, television, posters, products. 

Everywhere.

And Jihoon knows that this could be Soonyoung's big break. If not, then a huge stepping stone for his boyfriend's dream to be a choreographer and establish his own dance studio.

Putting the laptop to the side, Jihoon tackles Soonyoung into a tight hug, feeling his boyfriend's grin on his shoulders.

"They saw my YouTube channel and it seems they like my dancing style a lot! They called me in for a meeting Monday dinner if I'm interested," Soonyoung said, hugging Jihoon tighter. He lays back on the couch, raising a hand to his boyfriend's hair, softly carding his fingers through them.

"They'd be an idiot not to love your dance, love," Jihoon says, his voice muffled, and his head still buried on Soonyoung's shoulders. He felt his boyfriend's hearty laugh over his chest and he swoons out of love.

"My Jihoon is biased."

Kwon Soonyoung, also known as 'Hoshi' has a humble YouTube channel with 200,000 subscribers where he posts dancing videos. 

He has a few viral videos and earns a modest amount from monetizing his channel, just enough so he could improve his videos, like purchasing a better camera or replacing his struggling laptop, but not enough to live through the year, especially with bills, rent and food.

So online, he is a fierce dancing machine but offline, he is Kwon Soonyoung, the friendly and bubbly guy from HR.

Despite being an amazing dancer, it was a struggle to cement a name in the dancing industry. So instead of pursuing it, Soonyoung decided to just dance during his free time off of work and post it on YouTube instead. 

And now that this opportunity has arisen, it was too good to pass on.

"I'm not! Have you read the comments on your videos? They—"

Jihoon's objections are muffled by Soonyoung's lips on him, his kiss a bit more affectionate and warm.

"I'll make you proud, love," Soonyoung says as soon as their lips part. 

Jihoon can’t help but softly flick his forehead out of pure fondness. 

"I'm always proud of you, dumbass."

** 

Come Monday night, Jihoon was greeted by a bear hug before he can even close the front door, the words “Babe! Listen to me! I am the lead choreographer!” loud in his ear. 

It was then followed by a run-through of what happened during the meeting. About how the CEO's son, Chan, is a huge fan of Hoshi and suggested the dancer to his father, who asked Seventeen's production team to look up his YouTube channel. Some of the Seventeen's members have also seen a few of Hoshi's viral videos and admitted to liking his dance style.

Soonyoung's energy level was up the roof that night and Jihoon have to literally drag him to bed and straddle the dancer to stop him from moving too much.

"Soonyoung, calm down babe!" Jihoon said, laughing while Soonyoung wriggles underneath him, the grin on his face never disappearing since receiving the email last Friday. 

"What about work? What will you do about it?" Jihoon asked. That halted Soonyoung's actions and he looked up to Jihoon's questioningly.

"I haven't thought about that." Soonyoung tilts his head cutely and Jihoon can only sigh. Leave it up to his boyfriend to forget to ask the important things. 

He flicks the dancer softly on the forehead and lays down on the bed to stare at their ceiling filled with glow-in-the-dark star stickers, something Soonyoung insisted to do because “it's cute and we don't get to see the stars often here in the city with buildings so tall."

"Email them now and ask about the arrangement. You can't leave your stable work for a one-time gig Soon."

Jihoon hears Soonyoung hum beside him and mutters “My Jihoonie is always right,' which earned him a soft punch from the smaller boy. He was rebutted with a deep kiss and warm cuddles throughout the night. 

The next night, Jihoon was expecting the same bubbly energy that Soonyoung has been emitting since the weekend but instead, he was greeted by his calm boyfriend, placing plates on the table. 

And instead of an overly excited smile, he was softly greeted, and instead of a crushing hug, he was delicately pulled into the dancer's chest, Soonyoung gently holding him as if he’ll break. 

"Perfect timing babe. Dinner's ready." Soonyoung leads him to the kitchen and their peaceful and quiet dinner starts, but Jihoon knows something is going on. 

Soonyoung’s quietness speaks volumes against their walls. 

"Is there something wrong?" Jihoon carefully asks, worried with the way his boyfriend is fiddling with his food. 

There can only be one thing that could damper Soonyoung's mood nowadays and that's if the dancing gig he has with CSJ Entertainment is not going well. 

But Soonyoung is not sad, as Jihoon observes. It's more like he's deeply thinking about something, he's focused, and hesitant.

Soonyoung reaches across the table to hold Jihoon's hand. He gives it a gentle squeeze and looks right into his boyfriend's worried eyes.

"After Seventeen's promotions here, they are going on a world tour."

Jihoon raised his eyebrows in question. ‘What does this have to do with anything?’ 

"They want me to go with them, as part of the back-up dancers. They told me that the schedule will be packed, they're still putting me in as lead choreographer and that I need to attend a lot of briefings, meetings, and coordination with the production team. A bunch of songs need to be choreographed before the start of the tour. They told me that I'll probably won't be home as often as I'd like, especially when the tour starts."

In the middle of talking, Soonyoung breaks eye contact, his gaze trained on his untouched food. 

"I'm thinking.. if this dancing thing is worth it. Is it worth missing your birthday, our anniversary? Is it worth losing quality time with you?"

Jihoon now realizes the weight of Soonyoung's words. 

If Soonyoung accepts the job, this will be the first time in five years that they'll be separated. Since dating their junior year in university, both are attached at the hip. They agreed to live together a week after graduating and chose jobs that are convenient with the apartment they chose.

At the end of the day, they'll always come home to the same place. It's not the best, just an average-sized one-bedroom unit where Soonyoung would push the couch back to the wall to make space for his dancing videos, but despite that, it's home.

It's their home.

Jihoon doesn’t speak for a while, pondering over what’s about to come. 

‘World tour…’ 

It will take months or even a year. Soonyoung will be back home and the next moment, he's on the plane again. Jihoon will have to survive each day alone and he feels his heart tighten.

"Jihoon, if you say no, I won't."

He wants to say no. He wants Soonyoung to stay. No stupid time differences, no consecutive plane rides, no sleeping alone, no leaving. 

But he thinks of the nights Soonyoung would stay awake, practicing a new dance, recording and editing his Youtube videos. He thinks of his boyfriend’s smile when he got his first 100,000 views or Soonyoung’s giddy laugh as he rolls down the floor as he watches his Tiktok video go viral. 

And he can't say no. Not when this is Soonyoung's dream on the line, not when Soonyoung's happiness all boils down to how selfish he is. 

He just can't say no.

Soonyoung is asking him to decide for him, for them, but deep inside, Jihoon knows Soonyoung wants to. Dancing has been his passion his middle school and a far-away dream come college.

Jihoon can't say no. Not when Soonyoung's eyes are saying 'please, say yes.'

"You go, Soon. You can go."

It was surprise he saw in Soonyoung's eyes but behind it is masked happiness. 

Soonyoung flies out from his seat and rounds the table, before engulfing Jihoon into a bone-crushing hug, whispering words of thank you to his boyfriend. 

Jihoon is contented with just that, willing to let go for that. 

That night, they lay in bed, with Jihoon’s eyes on his phone, and Soonyoung beside him, emailing CSJ Entertainment of his acceptance to the job. 

Jihoon feels the bed move and he tilts his head to the side, seeing Soonyoung’s eyes on him. And for a moment, he freezes, hearing his heart loud in his ears, feeling like it’s about to combust out of his chest. 

Soonyoung's looking at him so fondly, so full of love, and Jihoon melts as he leans in to give the other a kiss. It deepens with a swipe of a tongue and he groans feeling warm hands hiking his shirt up, ticklish fingers drawing circles on his hip bones. 

Not long after, clothes were discarded and gentle moans fill the room. Jihoon lets go with a sultry whine while Soonyoung buries his face on his neck, leaving love bites on his wake, hips erratically moving as he chases his release. 

Once their high has gone down, Soonyoung pulls out and plops onto the bed. He snuggles to Jihoon's side and the smaller of the two brought the blanket up to their shoulders and spoons the dancer into a hug, an arm behind his head and the other on his waist. 

Jihoon starts humming a melody, almost close to a lullaby by how soft and mellow the tune is, waiting for his boyfriend's breath to even out and fall asleep.

He cards his fingers through Soonyoung's hair and places a kiss on his forehead. Soonyoung feels it in his dream-like state and he inches closer to his boyfriend. 

And Jihoon thinks as long as he gets to see his boyfriend's smiling face, everything's okay.

**

As predicted, Soonyoung is barely home. And Jihoon has never felt this lonely his whole life. Their apartment wasn't big to start with but without Soonyoung's presence, Jihoon felt like he was living in a huge mansion alone.

Their queen size bed too big, their dining table too wide, and their room too empty. Food for one on the table, one set of clothes in the washer. 

And all Jihoon can do is sigh out of acceptance. But what cheers him up are messages from Soonyoung or traces that his boyfriend did come home during the night.

He beams seeing Soonyoung's set of sweats in the hampers, or an unwashed mug in the sink, or a plate of breakfast for him that has gone cold because Soonyoung made it early in the morning.

Jihoon wished his boyfriend would wake him up when he does come home. As a deep sleeper, no matter how much Soonyoung moves in bed or litter around their apartment, he can’t wake up to save his life. 

But Soonyoung refuses, every time, and is adamant to let Jihoon sleep. 

“You're tired, Jihoonie. I know your supervisor has been working you off. He even texts you in the middle of the night when you're asleep. I have half a mind to tell him to fuck off.”

It was Friday night, or more like Saturday morning, four a.m to be exact, and Jihoon groans out of frustration. 

His body is exhausted, he's running low on rest, and Soonyoung was right when he said his supervisor has been working his ass off. 

But for some reason, Jihoon's mind is wide awake despite his body being dead tired. 

He was floating between dreams and reality when he jolts out at the familiar beeping sound of the apartment door. And he doesn’t know how it happened or what was running in his mind, but he flies out of bed and ran straight out of the bedroom. 

He is too tired and a bit dizzy from moving too fast that it took him a couple of seconds for his brain to register that yes, there's a familiar figure standing in the middle of their dimly-lit living room. 

That yes, Soonyoung looks like a deer caught in headlights with his messy hair, and that yes, Soonyoung's home.

That after weeks and weeks of playing hide-and-seek with his boyfriend, he was finally able to see him in the flesh.

"Love? Why are you awake? It's late," Soonyoung said, hastily changing out of his sweaty shirt into a new fresh one he bought out of his duffel bag.

Jihoon feels like crying and he so badly wants to pinch himself. He won't be surprised to find out that this is all a dream his tired brain has conjured out of missing Soonyoung too much.

But he knows it's real. He's just having a hard time believing it all.

He lets his tears fall when he feels familiar arms wrapping him in a warm hug. He sobs uncontrollably as Soonyoung tries to comfort him, rubbing his back in a soothing manner and whispering 'I love yous' and 'I miss yous' in his ear.

"You missed me?" Soonyoung asks, his voice teasing and Jihoon wants to punch him but all he can do is nod against his shoulder. He feels a kiss on his forehead and hands cupping his cheeks, wiping away his tears.

"I'm sorry. I miss you, love. So much," Soonyoung says, hugging Jihoon tighter. "But, I have good news for you, babe."

"What is it?" Jihoon says, voice muffled.

"The boys are done filming for the music video so I'm on break until they call me back in."

Jihoon wants to wail his heart out but he settled for sobbing to his heart’s content instead. 

‘Finally.’ 

Breakfasts and dinners with Soonyoung, cleaning day with Soonyoung, weekly workouts in the gym with Soonyoung, and grocery with Soonyoung. 

‘Soonyoung, Soonyoung, Soonyoung.’

His head is filled with nothing but his boyfriend's warm hugs, his familiar scent, and his body slotted against his. He's not a very religious person but he prays, and wishes, that when he wakes up come morning, Soonyoung is beside him, that Soonyoung stays.

And thank heavens is Jihoon's first thought when he wakes up the next morning and was greeted by the sight of Soonyoung, sleeping peacefully next to him, his hair all sprawled out on their white pillow, and soft snores coming out of him.

Jihoon can finally say it’s a good morning after weeks of dreading waking up, only to be alone. 

But despite his heart fluttering when he hears Soonyoung mutter his name in his sleep, he can't help the awry feeling blossoming in the back of his mind.

It won't be long before Soonyoung has to go again. This time, longer. Once the group's promotion is over, they'll be getting ready for their world tour. The preparation will be ruthless and he knows Soonyoung's principle. It's go big or go home. 

And Jihoon tries to endure it all. Because this is all for Soonyoung. 

He can see his boyfriend's tired face, for sure his body is aching from all the dancing as well, but his eyes say otherwise. He's happy. He can see the burning passion in them, the dedication, and the motivation to go on.

Because for Soonyoung, dancing is not a job. It's his way of life, his calling. So no matter how tough it gets, it only motivates him to do more, to be more.

And Jihoon doesn't have the heart to stop that. He is a hundred percent sure, that the moment he voices out his complaints, Soonyoung would drop it all and stay. 

Because that's how Soonyoung is. Jihoon doesn't remember a moment in their relationship where he came second.

Everything Soonyoung does, he asks him first. And even though Jihoon says that it's okay for Soonyoung to decide what's best for him, his boyfriend is persistent in always asking for his opinion first.

"I want to know if it's okay with you. If it's not, I'm not doing it. I'm not going to do something that will upset you. You'll always come first, love."

So Jihoon endures it all. It's the least he can do after all of these years. It's time for Soonyoung to put himself first.

"What are you thinking about?"

A groggy voice snaps Jihoon out of his thoughts and he slips out of his musing. He sees his oh-so-handsome boyfriend, looking straight at him, the sunlight behind him giving him the halo effect. 

He is on his stomach, his head propped on his arms and Jihoon can see the muscles of his naked back flexing with each little movement. 

"Nothing. I just miss you."

Soonyoung pouts and draws Jihoon closer to him.

"I'm sorry love."

Jihoon chuckles and softly pinches Soonyoung's arm wrapped around him.

"You have nothing to be sorry for babe. Dancing makes you happy and I'm happy seeing you doing the thing you love."

"I think I saved the world in my past life to be this lucky now," Soonyoung says, grabbing Jihoon by the neck and peppering his face with soft kisses.

Soonyoung misses this. 

Since accepting CSJ Entertainment's offer, his mornings drastically changed. He is up long before Jihoon's alarm rings and out the door with a chaste kiss on his sleeping boyfriend's forehead and lips. 

He is home late, usually after midnight and Jihoon is in deep sleep by then, exhausted by his own work.

So getting to see his boyfriend's cute face when he wakes up is truly a sight to behold.

And he is damn thankful for him, too. Having both Jihoon and dancing in his life, there's nothing more he could ask for.

"Come on. Up, up. Let's go grocery shopping!" Soonyoung said, dragging a grumbling Jihoon to the bathroom.

And it was happy for the next two weeks. They both get to leave at the same time in the morning and see each other at home at night. 

Soonyoung is in the studio only during the day, practicing and choreographing with the rest of the dancers while Seventeen continues with their promotions. Jihoon goes on with his work, still being worked to the bones by his supervisor, but none of that matter when he gets to come home to Soonyoung.

Jihoon treasures every day, engraves every moment in his mind. He secretly takes pictures of Soonyoung, just something to help him when the dancer is off to tour, he wakes up a bit early in the morning and sleeps a bit later at night just so he could spend a bit more time with his boyfriend. 

He insists that they go grocery shopping together, cook together, and clean the house together, and Soonyoung indulges him every time.

Because they both know and it won't be long now before Soonyoung leaves again. 

This time for bigger dreams.

**

"You've packed everything you need, love?" Jihoon says from the kitchen where he is packing Soonyoung's all-time favorite kimchi into small disposable containers. 

The dancer demands, insists, that he brings his precious kimchi with him for the U.S tour. Jihoon reasons that there are Korean grocery stores out there that will surely have kimchi but Soonyoung's having none of it. 

So the weekend before his U.S. flight, they drove to Soonyoung's parents to get his authentic kimchi.

And here they are, ten hours before Soonyoung leaves.

Seventeen's local promotions are over. They had their two-day in-country concert where Jihoon got, in his opinion, one of the best seats. After all, he gets to see Soonyoung in his momentum, happily and sexily dancing. 

After the concert, Soonyoung texted him to wait for him at one of the back exits and he was brought backstage where he got to meet the famous boy group who doted on him like there's no tomorrow.

It's nice to know, Jihoon thinks, that Soonyoung is surrounded by good people.

They had their Asia tour which Jihoon thinks wasn't so bad. The time difference wasn't big and Soonyoung is not away for long. He is literally in and out of the country. Nothing that messages and video calls can't fix.

However, the second leg of the tour is a different story. The team is flying to the other side of the world, staying on the continent and hopping from one city to another. There's little to no chance of Soonyoung coming home anytime soon.

"Yup! I'm done, babe!" Jihoon hears the dreading zipping sound and Soonyoung emerges from their bedroom, dragging behind him his luggage. He feels like crying but he can't show Soonyoung that.

‘It's just for a few months Jihoon. Just a few months.’

Like a cultural mantra, he repeats it in his mind.

He feels warm arms circling around his waist and a forehead leaning on his shoulder. Jihoon started humming Seventeen's Kidult, a song that he fell in love with when he first heard it at the concert.

"I'll make you proud, love." Soonyoung mutters against his shirt.

"You always do, love."

That night, they fight back sleep. Jihoon texts his workplace, saying he is sick and he won't be able to come in the next day and Soonyoung says he can sleep on the 11-hour plane ride.

That night, they talked about their beginning. When they first met, when Soonyoung, red as a tomato, asked Jihoon out for their first date, their first kiss under the snow, their first love-making. 

And they laugh and giggle at their first everything, where young Soonyoung and Jihoon were an awkward pair and how they grew together, finished their degrees together, moved in and got their first jobs.

They don't talk about the incoming months that Soonyoung's away. Jihoon has faith that they will work it out one way or another.

When the three a.m. alarm rings, Soonyoung knows he has to go. Their flight is at six a.m, roll call is at four and the airport is at least thirty minutes away.

When he stands up, Jihoon's eyes follow him. He watches as his boyfriend comes out of the bathroom and put on his comfy sweats and threw a cap over his messy hair. 

He holds back tears, for the nth time that night, and stands to where Soonyoung is, holding his hand and leading him to the door. 

He was gathered into one of the warmest and saddest hugs in his life. And he returns it just as tight.

"I love you and I will miss you so much, my love. I will come home soon, okay? Just wait for me. Just for a few months, Jihoon. Just for a few months," Soonyoung says and crashed his lips into Jihoon's own. They share one last lingering kiss before Soonyoung's phone rings. 

His cab is outside.

"I love you Soon. I'll miss you. Stay healthy and come home to me."

Jihoon has a lot more to say. More I loves you, more I'll miss yous, eat on time, take care of yourself, call me when you're not busy. 

But he doesn't say more because he's afraid. 

Afraid that the next thing that will come out of his mouth is please stay, don't go.

So he settles for his short goodbye and flashes Soonyoung a small smile, encouraging him to go.

With one last hug, Soonyoung was off. 

And Jihoon lays back on an empty bed and for the first time in weeks, he doesn't stop the tears. He cries and cries and cries. Soonyoung is probably just minutes away from their apartment and Jihoon misses him already.

**

"Babe?" Soonyoung's pixelated face appears on his phone screen as Jihoon rubs his eyes, tearing the sleep out of them. 

It's two a.m. on a workday but it's been three days since their last video call and Jihoon can't take another day without seeing his boyfriend. 

Messages were still exchanged and pictures were sent but it feels different just seeing and hearing Soonyoung talk and move. It's as if he's beside him all this time.

"Hi Soon," Jihoon said, flashing a sleepy smile. He can see Soonyoung's apologetic face on the screen.

"Hi, love. I'm sorry. It's late over there, right?"

"It's okay, babe. I miss you," Jihoon says and Soonyoung flashes one of his boyish smiles that never fails to take his breath away.

"I miss you too, love. So much. I've just finished a briefing with the team and I'm heading back right now," Soonyoung said, puffing a bit as he jogs up the stairs to the apartment unit he shares with two other dancers. 

They talk until the wee hours in the morning, about the tour, about how Jihoon's supervisor has been working him dead tired all because he was next in line to be promoted, about Soonyoung having to tape his shoulder because of muscle pain and how he hated the kimchi on that one Korean restaurant they've been to.

Jihoon listens to it all as he fights back sleep. It doesn't matter if there are times he can't relate to Soonyoung's stories, what matters most is that he gets to see that he is okay, gets to know that he is eating and sleeping well and that is enjoying himself. 

Soonyoung's voice feels like a lullaby to his ears and he unknowingly closes his eyes and lost the battle to sleep. He can faintly hear Soonyoung softly chuckling and saying something like Jihoonie and goodnight.

He wakes up a few hours later with a dead phone. He groans, sleep still in his system as he blindly reaches for his charger on the bedside table to plug his cellphone on. 

He has an hour left before he usually wakes up for work and was about to fall back asleep when a series of notification sounds threw him off his pending dreamland.

It was all from Soonyoung, a long series of short text messages.

Soonie

I love you Jihoonieeeeee

I'm sorry if we only get to talk now. You must be so tired :(

I'll make it up to you love and congratulations on your incoming promotion!

I know you can do it. My Jihoon has always been the best. There's not a time that I ever doubted your sexy brain and sexy skills and sexy talents

You will do well, babe. Know that I'm always here.

I miss you so much! Their laundry detergent here sucks! The scent is too strong. I miss you and your laundry detergent. I miss you love.

Ahhhhhhhh I really miss you. I really want to go home right now.

It's difficult to sleep without you. I really miss you. I want to go home now.

Wait for me, love. Okay?

Just a few more months.

I love you Jihoon. Sleep well.

Jihoon tears up, seeing that Soonyoung stayed on the call hours after he fell asleep.

But all that was three weeks ago. 

And Jihoon is this close to ripping his hair off due to frustration. 

It doesn't help that he is overworked (but well-compensated) but money doesn't matter much when his body just falls straight to the bed the moment he gets home, missing messages and video calls from Soonyoung.

And it sure doesn't help that whenever he's awake and ready to battle a sleepless night to talk with his boyfriend, the dancer is off, busy with his own things.

Jihoon sighed, probably for the hundredth time that hour. It's three a.m. on a Saturday morning. He drank two cups of coffee for this but his messages were still unread. 

He scrolled up to his and Soonyoung's message thread and for the past week and a half, the time differences between their messages got notably wider. 

The last text that got him a reply was six hours ago when Jihoon said he'll stay up for a video call and Soonyoung replied with a 'Yey! See you later, love.' with heart emojis.

While rereading their conversation, an Instagram notification appears on top of his screen, saying an unknown username followed him.

He's not a huge fan of social media but he does have them for lowkey socializing purposes. His last Instagram post was from two months ago when he met up with his friend from university Chanyeol and he remembers Soonyoung spazzing in the comments. 

He's not active so it's a bit confusing for someone to follow him, especially someone he even doesn't know.

He clicks on the notification anyway and was directed to an Instagram profile with a couple thousand followers. He scrolls down and sees his boyfriend's face in one of the photos. 

He scrolls down more and recognizes the owner of the profile, it was Soonyoung's fellow back-up dancer, Dowoon. Jihoon assumes that's his name based on his bio.

He saw that the user has an IG story and without a doubt, he clicks on it and saw a video of a massive concert venue, red and blue lights blinking on stage. His boyfriend's IG user, along with a few others was tagged in a small font at the bottom.

The video pans to the right and Jihoon can make out a group idly standing on the side, listening intently to a man in front of them, who's pointing at different parts of the stage.

Despite the dark and pixelated video, Jihoon knows that stance, that voice, that blurry face. 

And even after five years of dating, seeing Soonyoung in his element is really mind-blowing. Bubbly and smiley guy no more, he transforms into a completely different person. 

Focused, serious, strict.

The video ends with a last pan to the stage. It was posted three hours ago and Jihoon can only assume that rehearsals are still ongoing at this time.

He sighs as he scrolls through Dowoon's Instagram profile again and clicks on the photo with Soonyoung. 

The picture tagged several other backup dancers and before Jihoon can even comprehend what's going on, he's already clicking through different Instagram users and seeing Soonyoung's face in the majority of them.

He sees Soonyoung happy in dancing videos, in the practice room, eating at a restaurant, lounging in the waiting room, at the airport, and everywhere. 

And Jihoon tries to stop it, he really did, but it's four a.m and he's alone with his thoughts. And never in a million years did he think he'd get this insecure and jealous.

Soonyoung's surrounded by all these good-looking people, people who share the same passion and dedication as him. 

It doesn't look like it but Jihoon loves his job, he's good at it and he's compensated well and if he's asked to choose, he wouldn't up and leave it anytime soon.

But Soonyoung can, for the thrill of dancing, and so can these other people. Jihoon thinks about their jobs, career opportunities, and studies that they dropped to the ground to be a part of this dance team.

Jihoon can't do that. He's just plain office worker Jihoon who's contented with just staying where he is. 

And when the clock hits five a.m, Jihoon wills himself to sleep. His messages are still unread and in his heart, a growing disease called insecurity blooms.

**

Jihoon wakes up at seven, a bit fuzzy and exhausted to the bones, to missed calls and messages from Soonyoung. 

It seems like the dancer has been trying to contact him in the past hour or so, but he was too deep in dreamland. 

Jihoon badly wants to go back to sleep but he also wants to call Soonyoung. So he did. One unanswered call turns into two, three, four. 

By the fifth one, Jihoon throws his phone, the device bouncing off the bed and into the floor with a loud thud. He grabs his pillow and buries his face, and out of pure frustration, lack of sleep and rest, and most definitely out of his longing for Soonyoung, he screams with all his might. 

After he trashed around and made a mess with the sheets, he is left to stare at the ceiling, the once bright stars Soonyoung glued on there, dimming to almost nothing. 

He had a thought, but it was not welcomed so he files it to the back of his head, forgetting it as his phone continuously pings from the floor, notifications coming one after another. 

At the thought that it could be Soonyoung had Jihoon standing up at lightning speed. But his joy turned dull, seeing it’s only Chanyeol flooding his phone. 

Park Chanyeol

Jihoon! Are you awake?

You're probably not

Dudeeeeee check this out.

A Soonyoung fancam went viral on kpop stan twt

Park Chanyeol sent a link

Park Chanyeol sent a link

If I don't know any better, I'll think he's an actual member of Seventeen

‘A Soonyoung fancam?’

He clicks on the first link which directed him to a tweet posted less than 24 hours ago with 250,000 views and 10,000 likes and captioned "twitter do ur thing! who is this finee maaaaan?!"

The second tweet has 170,000 views and 7,000 likes and captioned "im dyinnnggggg youtuber hoshi is one of svt's back-up dancer!" followed by a comment "subscribe to his channel! /..."

Both videos are of Soonyoung dancing, taken from two different angles, his movement hitting the notes at all the right places. 

At one point in the video, he moves to the back but his charisma is undeniable, his eyes sharp and Jihoon can't take his eyes off him. Chanyeol was right, if you don't know any better, you'd automatically assume he's part of the group.

Jihoon scrolls through the comments and the quote retweets and he can't help but beam out of pride.

"CRAZY THIS MAN IS CRAZY."

"i saw him on yt he is seriously good. subscribe to him guys."

"no wonder there haven't been any new uploads hoshi is busy and booked"

"hoshi, dk and mingyu ate at my friend's family restaurant the other day she thought hoshi was a member by how good looking he is"

"AHHHHHH MY FAVE YOUTUBER HOSHI GO GET THAT BREAD sir"

"twitter who is he and why am i pregnant"

Jihoon was still scrolling down, chuckling at cute comments and retweets when another message from Chanyeol appears on the top of his screen.

Park Chanyeol

I see you're awake but didn't bother replying to me

I see this is what our friendship is

but anw Soonyoung is living the best life!

Park Chanyeol sent a link

Svt just tweeted about him

‘Seventeen tweeted about him? On their official Twitter account?’  

Jihoon hurriedly taps on the link and was redirected to Seventeen's profile and he couldn't be prouder.

[17's Seungkwan] Everyone! Meet the genius mind behind our choreographies. Our Hoshi, you are the best!

Included in the tweet is a selfie with Seungkwan's wide smile and Soonyoung's sexy smirk. The two are still in their stage outfits in what seems to be the waiting room.

Jihoon can't take his eyes off Soonyoung. His make-up and outfit might not be as flashy as Seungkwan's but he extrudes charisma with his eyes alone. If he looks this good on stage, and with the way he dances, Jihoon no longer questions why he went viral.

He copies all the links and decided to send them to Soonyoung. 

He is sure his boyfriend has already seen the videos all over Twitter, he guesses that's why Seungkwan also posted the photo, to add fuel to the fire.

Soonie

Love I'm so sorry. I fell asleep!

Couldn't wake up to your calls at all! I miss you :(

You went viral on Twitter?! The power of Kwon Soonyoung.

You sent a link.

You sent a link.

You sent a link.

You look good love.

I'm so happy and proud of you.

I love you Soon.

The messages were immediately seen and Jihoon anticipatedly waits for a reply. He stares at their message thread, waiting for those three tiny dots to appear. 

But it's been minutes. Minutes of anxiously staring at the message left on read, minutes of nothing, not even a dot.

Compared to being left on read, Jihoon would have jumped for joy for a period instead.

It's not the first time that this has happened. In fact, Jihoon has lost count of how many times he was left on read, only for Soonyoung to reply hours or even days (the longest was two and a half days, Jihoon almost went crazy) as nothing happened. 

Like he didn't just mini-ghosted his boyfriend of five years.

The first time Soonyoung left him on read, he immediately opened the issue up and made his boyfriend promise that if things get too loaded and they are too busy to talk, they would spare each other five seconds to text even a simple 'talk to you later.'

Breakfast done, lunch done, Jihoon's done with the laundry, went grocery shopping to stock up on supplies, watered the plants, cleaned the apartment and just to take his mind off things, even replied to emails on a weekend, something he's not a fan of but it distracts him for ten minutes so he's been doing it since Soonyoung left.

He doesn't have much appetite for dinner despite eating a small meal for breakfast and lunch. His mind is still filled with Soonyoung, whys in his mind.

How hard is it to type in an ‘I'm busy let's talk later’ instead of leaving the message on read? 

Jihoon would have understood, that's what he's been doing the past few months, he can do it for a few more.

But this time, he doesn't. Jihoon doesn't understand. Sure, Soonyoung is busy, he is too and not once did he left Soonyoung on read. He always makes sure to send a simple update. It could be 'I'll be in a meeting for 2 hours.' or 'I'll talk to you later love work's loaded.'

Is he asking for too much?

He flops down and was scrolling mindlessly on his phone and replying to some messages when he was hit with a sudden urge to open Instagram and check on user Dowoon. 

And he most certainly didn't know why he tapped on his profile picture to view his story.

Jihoon wishes he didn't though.

It was posted two hours ago. The video was taken in a bar with the phone's flash on. It was dark but the bright disco lights from the dance floor bounced off from one wall to another, sometimes hitting the faces of Dowoon's company. 

The video pan to the left and there he was, downing a shot and throwing the camera a boyish grin.

"There he is! Genius dancer Kwon Soonyoung!" Dowoon said, his voice obviously tipsy. There was cheering around the table and someone handed Soonyoung a shot which the dancer immediately downed in one go. 

The clapping intensified and Soonyoung waved to the camera, smiling and putting out a thumbs-up.

Jihoon felt the life in him disappear as he drops his phone onto his lap. He holds back tears, fingers running through his hair, his mind muddled with nothing but chaotic thoughts.

Two hours ago, he was laying in their bed, worried about Soonyoung, wondering if he had eaten or if he is sleeping well, and it turns out that his boyfriend is more than fine, enjoying himself in the club. 

If he had time to drink around, he for sure had time to reply to Jihoon.

But he didn't.

And Jihoon never thought in a million years that Soonyoung would break his heart.

But he just did.

Jihoon lays in their bed that night, face buried in Soonyoung’s pillow while tears stream down his face. He chokes on his sobs but he wants to scream his heart out, wants to break things, burn things. 

Just anything to get it off his chest.

Beside him, his phone beeps once, twice, and Jihoon looks up from the pillow, eyes squinting as he emotionlessly stares at the two unread messages on the screen.

Soonie

Babe? Are you awake?

I'm sorry. When you texted, I was at a briefing.

And Jihoon doesn't want to bring it up, he wants to save whatever is left of their relationship but he can't help it.

Briefing? Or at the club?

He manages to reply just that before burying his face into the sheets again. He's afraid of Soonyoung's reply, that his message will come as a confirmation that he lied. 

Babe, it's not what you think.

I was at the briefing. There are changes that need to be done.

The next venue has a different stage structure so they need me to

make some changes to the choreography

Let's talk.

I'm calling.

The next second, Soonyoung's face appears on the screen and Jihoon declines the call. He doesn't want Soonyoung to see his desperate face, his face desperate for answers, for comfort. 

A face that begs Soonyoung to love him still.

Please Jihoon

Answer the call. Love, please.

If you have something to say, say it here.

I don't want to see your face.

That was a lie. He wanted to see Soonyoung, he wants to see the if there was still love left in his eyes.

Babe, listen to me, okay?

I was at the briefing. I really was. You can ask everyone.

I was really there.

I saw your chats and was about to reply but the stage director

came in and the meeting immediately started

In the middle of it, my phone died. After that, I need to visit

the venue and see the stage myself

I stayed there for hours with the others, changing formations

Afterwards, they decided to go out for drinks. I stayed for an hour, love.

Just for an hour. I went home and immediately fell asleep.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, love. I know I promised to update if I get too busy.

I'm sorry. I'm at fault.

Jihoon?

Love?

He left the messages on read. He doesn't know why though.

Does he want to Soonyoung to know what it feels like to be left on read for hours? Is it because he is angry? Jihoon doesn't know. 

All he knows is that he is tired. Months after months of frustrations, confusing thoughts, longing, wondering, and it all boils down to one Instagram story.

Fuck you Dowoon. Whoever you are.

And three days have passed since with Jihoon ignoring Soonyoung's calls and only replies in short one or two words. 

So much has changed and they both can feel it. The trust between them has cracked that night and Jihoon desperately wants to believe Soonyoung. He does but it's hard when Soonyoung is 6,000 miles away.

And so he waits it out. Just until he's ready to face Soonyoung, albeit through the phone, and genuinely say he is sorry without anger and frustration in his blood, for doubting him and for giving him a hard time.

'Tomorrow. I'll talk to him tomorrow,’ was Jihoon's final thought before sleep engulfs him. 

But it might have been a minute or hours later when he woke up to insistent phone calls. 

It was still dark out and by the time he’s mildly awake to reach for his phone, he had already missed six calls from Soonyoung. 

He rubs his face as he groans out the tiredness of his mind. It’s two a.m., he is exhausted and he just wants to fall back right to sleep when his phone vibrates again.

It wasn't a request for a video call, it's a simple voice call and despite feeling the incoming headache, he answers. He didn't even get to say hello when Soonyoung immediately speaks at the other side of the line.

"You're really going to ignore me?" Soonyoung's voice has a tinge of irritation oin it and Jihoon frowns at the tone.

"I'm not ignoring you. It's two a.m. here. Some people need to sleep Soonyoung." Jihoon retaliated back, putting out the same annoying tone. 

It was a tiring day at work, his preparation for taking over the supervisor role has been taking a toll on him.

"So I'm Soonyoung now?"

"That's your name?"

"Don't get all cocky on me, Lee Jihoon."

And Jihoon snaps.

"What the fuck is your problem Kwon Soonyoung?" He said, anger lacing his voice.

"My problem? My problem is you ignoring me! It's been what? Three days? Are you really going to keep ignoring me? I said I'm sorry! I didn't mean it, it's my fault! I'm dead tired at night but I still text and call you so I can make up for it! What more do you want me to do? Go back there so I can kiss your angry ass?"

There was huffing on the other side of the line. Soonyoung is angry, that much Jihoon knows. To what extent? He's not sure. 

It's the first time the dancer had ever raised his voice at him. Whenever they fight, they would always talk it out in calm voices and minds. 

In their five years, they would always make up before the day ends. No one gets to sleep angry.

But it's different when you're talking on the phone, at two in the morning, body and mind exhausted.

"That's all? You're angry at me just for that? Tell me Soonyoung! Is it me who goes on for days disappearing without as much as a text? How hard is it for you to text a simple fucking I'm busy call you next year?! I'd be happy even with that. Not left on read, staring at my phone for hours, waiting! 

You think you're the only one busy here? I am too! I am tired, I feel like dying at work because of how tired I am from waiting for you to call me at three in the morning! I can't even eat without thinking if you've eaten too! Only to find you've been having the time of your life while I wait here for a text! So you tell me Soonyoung! What the fuck is your problem?!"

It has become a shouting competition by now as Jihoon holds back tears. Soonyoung, on the other end too, tries to control his anger and voice, but when Jihoon replies back with the same volume of fury, he can't help but vent out his frustrations as well.

It's amazing what pent-up disappointments can do. In the case of the Soonyoung and Jihoon, it's shouting a whole bunch of things they don’t mean.

"Don't blame this all on me Jihoon! You signed up for this! I asked you. I told you if you don't want me to, I won't! I gave you signs, a hundred times! That if you tell me to stay, I will! And now you're being a prissy brat because I'm busy?!"

"You know what? Fuck you! You can be busy all you want! You can dance all you want! You can fly all over the world a hundred times if you want! All I'm asking is you spend, even just five minutes with me on the phone! I just want to know how you are, if you're eating well, if you're sleeping well! That's all Soonyoung! You can't even text back a reply but you have time to go to the club to drink? What am I supposed to do?!"

"The club again?! That issue again?! I told you my phone died! I stayed there for an hour! Can't I enjoy the end of a tiring day with a few drinks with my friends?! Let's really get down to the issue here Jihoon! You can't accept that my whole world doesn't revolve around you anymore?!"

And that shuts Jihoon up and the sobs he tries so hard to keep in flies out his mouth, choking him, while another round of tears stream down his face. 

And Soonyoung knows he fucked up big time.

"Baby... I'm sorry. I'm sorry Jihoon. Love? Please. Please don't cry, my love. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, love." Soonyoung pleads over the line. 

He hates it. He hates it the most, knowing the reason why Jihoon is crying is because of him and the words he didn't mean. He can't even be there to wipe his tears and hug him tight.

It was another few minutes of radio silence as Jihoon tries to stop his sobs and Soonyoung whispering soft sorrys on the other line.

"This is tiring, Soon. I'm tired." Jihoon's phone is now on loudspeaker, a sigh from Soonyoung echoing through the empty and cold bedroom. 

He buries his face into his hands and runs his fingers through his hair. He didn't realize how draining it was until he decided to let all his hurt out.

"Me too."

And Jihoon doesn't know if Soonyoung's tired of all the shouting and the fighting or if he's tired of their relationship.

"Let's end this, Soonyoung." 

And Jihoon doesn't know if his words meant ending the phone call or their love that's going nowhere.

Jihoon doesn’t know, but he ends the call anyway when he can no longer stop the urge to bawl. 

He cried until the wee hours of the morning, mind, soul, and heart begging. 

Begging for the pain to stop, begging for the ache to end and he feels his brain instructing his hand to call, message, anything just to feel Soonyoung's presence again.

But, he doesn't have the courage to do it.

Soonyoung never called back and that broke Jihoon even more.

**

Jihoon rubs his eyes, brushing out the tiredness and sleep out of him. It’s a Friday and he was on his computer the whole day, polishing reports and making presentations for the executive meeting the following week. 

It's past eight p.m. by the time he finished, opting to take overtime instead of working on it over the weekend.

He stops by a cafe on his way home and slumps on a chair while waiting for his name to be called. He mindlessly scrolls down his phone, replying to messages and checking his social media accounts. 

Nothing much has changed in his life, except for one thing.

"Hoshi uploaded a new video!" A girl from one corner of the cafe shrieks. The place was empty so Jihoon heard that pretty clearly. He looks over to the voice and saw three girls gushing over a phone. 

Soonyoung. The one thing that changed in his life.

It's been two years since that uneventful phone call. He sometimes can't believe that his heart has been broken for two years already. Sad thing is it didn't heal. 

Two years, it still yearns, wishes, prays, and hopes for Soonyoung to come back, to come home.

There's no more pain. Jihoon knew Soonyoung didn't mean any of the words he said. He knew him all too well. The hurtful words they threw at each other that night were nothing but a product of their frustrations and exhaustion.

However, knowing that didn't really change anything. Jihoon woke up that morning, feeling like shit. A brokenhearted shit. 

In hopes to regain what he lost, he called Soonyoung. The call won't go through, saying that the number is no longer available. It left Jihoon devastated.

It seems like Soonyoung no longer wants anything to do with him, so in a fit of anger, he changed his number the same day and blocked Soonyoung on all social media accounts.

It wasn't the distance, the words, the actions that broke them. It was pride.

He moped for weeks, cried for months, ate less, slept less, and worked more than he ever did. He got the promotion two months later and that didn't made him any happier. He went out with workmates, just to respect their wishes for food and drinks, he received messages from other officemates as well, congratulating him for getting a well-coveted spot as the department supervisor at such a young age.

The very person he wishes would greet him though is nowhere to be found. So he went home that night, tipsier than he thought, and changed into the clothes Soonyoung left. 

He cried himself to sleep for the thousandth time, desperately wishing for a certain dancer to appear right in front of him, hug him tight, and love him again.

Five months post-breakup, Jihoon decided to move out in an effort to move on. Their apartment reminds him too much of Soonyoung and their memories together.

Happy memories, of moments Jihoon thought wouldn't end. But it did.

Jihoon chuckles, remembering that one night when he bawled himself at their doorway upon seeing that terrible tiger-print carpet Soonyoung insisted on buying. It was awful, worn out, and ruined the whole minimalistic theme Jihoon had in mind when they first bought house decors.

But it was Soonyoung. And it hurts. So, after crying for a good hour, slumped on their front door, he decided to move out.

That weekend, he went apartment-hunting. He walked around and found a unit that would do. It was spacious for one and is nearer his office as well. He talked to the owner and said he'll be back the next day to sign the lease.

His determination to start new, however, was short-lived. 

He went home that night, all resolve to pack up and move out all gone. He looked around their apartment, with memories of Soonyoung littered all over place and his heart ached. 

Not because it hurts just remembering what was once was, but it hurts at the thought that he'll be losing it all.

This home, their home, is the only thing left of Soonyoung in his life and he can't bear to throw it out and start over again without an ounce of his presence.

Without a doubt, he texted the owner and told him he won't be moving in anymore. So even if it hurts him to stay in a once happy home, he endures it just because he can't let Soonyoung go just yet.

So here he is, two years later, sipping on his iced coffee and putting on his earphones to watch Soonyoung's new video.

It's a guilty pleasure that started more than a year ago. When he had come to the terms that moving on from Soonyoung is not easy and all of his efforts in forgetting him is all in vain, he decided to embrace the pain and feel it until it hurts no more.

So he made dummy accounts, under an email address and username that no one knows and followed all of Soonyoung's social media accounts, and subscribed to his Youtube channel that has become a daily life slash dancing video account.

He softly smiles and despite ending on a bad note, he can't help but be proud of what Soonyoung has reached.

When Seventeen went on a world tour two years ago, a few more Soonyoung fancams went viral on social media. This catapulted his Youtube channel and the dancer earned his one million subscribers a few months later.

From what Jihoon picked up from Soonyoung's vlogs and fan accounts, it seems like after the world tour, he stayed in the U.S. after being asked by a few labels to work with them. 

Aside from being a choreographer, Soonyoung seems to have an input in stage directing too. He worked with big agencies and was able to let his creativity grow.

After watching another breath-taking dance video, Jihoon moved to Soonyoung's Instagram where a few new photos were uploaded during the day. 

Because of his new-found job, Soonyoung now manages his own team who helps him with the load. Jihoon follows all of them too and is relieved seeing that they are all good people.

These are the days when Jihoon is thankful for the break-up. Without a boyfriend tying him down, Soonyoung was able to fly to his heart's content.

He hums as he exits the cafe, walking back home, willing what once was out of his head. 

Despite having a car, Jihoon walks to and from work. He could easily drive and cut the twenty-minute walk to a five-minute drive but he doesn't. 

After months and years of muddled mind, he finds out that taking a walk in the morning and at night helps in clearing a bit of the chaotic thoughts out. 

Soonyoung loves taking walks too, and so on lonely nights, he thinks about walking side by side with the person he loves.

He enters his unit, slightly shivering from the cold and chilly air outside, and is welcomed with the same ambiance and view from two years. Their apartment is still, exactly, the same.

Same white-colored walls with blue and wood accents, the same minimalist theme, and throughout the years, Jihoon made some changes in the furniture arrangements. Nothing major though, because he really didn't have the heart to.

The ugly tiger-patterned carpet is still there and Jihoon has grown to adore it over the years.

A big tiger plushie, almost Jihoon's height and something that Soonyoung bought with his first salary is still on the couch where Jihoon left it this morning. It has kept him company all these years so he takes care of it like it's his own child. 

There are still two sets of utensils and plates in his cupboard, two chairs around the small dining table, and Soonyoung's favorite tiger mug still sits along with Jihoon's.

Nothing much has changed, really. Except for one thing. 

Jihoon's alone now and he anxiously waits for the day that he wakes up in the morning and thoughts of Soonyoung no longer linger in his head.

**

"Soonyoung, we're going first!" Soonyoung looks up from his laptop when a head pops out through the small opening of his office door.

Soonyoung nods and flashes a big grin, "Thank you for your hard work today!"

When the door slams close, he looks back to his laptop screen and reads the message in a joyful mood.

CSJ Entertainment. One of the foundations why he's here in the first place has, once again, invited him to choreograph Seventeen's comeback. 

After two years, he might have to go back to where he started.

And it’s a mixture of different emotions. Excitement because he'll be meeting the boys after a long time. He does keep in contact with some of them every once in a while but he hasn't really seen them personally since their world tour ended two years ago.

Pressured because he wants this comeback to be huge, impactful. He wants the group to be the best. 

And concerned because he's going back home. 

It's been two years and home seems like a faraway place now. He lives in a wonderful apartment with a skyline view, he has an amazing job and a flourishing career, he is surrounded by amazing people and even more glamorous artists.

But none of them are home. 

Soonyoung knows there could only be one place to go home to. It's a dainty one-bedroom apartment in the middle of the city, it's average in size and makes dancing difficult because of the limited space.

But it has a scent of fresh vanilla from his favorite air freshener, a subtle flowery scent in the sheets and in his clothes, home has containers of containers of kimchi in the fridge, bottles of coke stashed at the bottom, simple white-colored walls, and…

Soonyoung wills himself to stop thinking as he vigorously shakes his head. 

Two years is a long time, and he is sure the boy on the other side of the world would have moved on by now. 

Jihoon's not the type to dwell on one thing for a long time. He adapts fast to places, people, and most especially, to emotions. It's impossible for him to still be bitterly hung up over a breakup years ago.

He goes back to the matter at hand and types a reply to CSJ Entertainment's email. 

And in what seems like a blink of an eye, he's now minutes away from boarding the plane back.

"Soonyoung, don't worry too much about the studio, okay? We got everything under cover. Enjoy yourself over there, go visit your parents." One of his team members, Minhyuk, said.

The last few weeks have been hectic. 

All current work has to be done to free Soonyoung for at least two to three months. He doesn't know when he'll be back and his assistant bought him a one-way ticket and fixed his living arrangements. 

He didn't bring much with him, only the essentials, numerous pairs of sweats and shirts, his favorite dancing shoes, and toiletries.

His team has assured him time and time again that they can have weekly meetings and will immediately update him if something comes up. 

Soonyoung has a lot of faith in his team. They've proven themselves throughout the years that they are trustworthy and reliable but, this is the first time he'll be micromanaging the projects. He always has been hands-on and having little to no reach of the reigns is making him nervous.

Minhyuk notices the dancer's distress and assures him once more.

"Soonyoung, the studio's going to be okay. We have no major projects at the moment, your assistant will keep your calendar updated, we'll have weekly meetings, you can call me or anyone on the team anytime you like, so don't worry and go back home."

He can only sigh. There's not much he can do but leave everything in the hands of his team. They're a good bunch and Soonyoung knows deep within him that they'll manage just fine. 

They chatted for a bit until an announcement resounds throughout the whole airport.

"Well, that's yours. Go ahead, boss," Minhyuk said, slightly pushing Soonyoung towards his gate. He was waiting in line when Minhyuk suddenly shouts, gathering the attention of most people around them.

"Soonyoung! It's been two years! Stop staring at his picture on your phone and man up!" 

**

"Okay, good!" Soonyoung shouts and receives a disorganized but loud 'thank you for your hard work!' that echoed throughout the practice room.

Before he could even take a breath, he was tackled to the ground by ten grown men.

"Thank you our Hoshi!"

"Thank you for working hard, Soonyoung!"

"Genius dancer Kwon Soonyoung!"

Soonyoung laughs underneath all of them. He loves working with Seventeen. 

Out of all the artists he worked with, the group is the most hardworking bunch he has ever seen. They have insane synchronization and amazing vocals. They are close like a family and observing them from afar is like watching a sitcom.

The boys are done with their music video filming and are preparing for their live performances for the music shows. It was one last practice with Soonyoung's overseeing them and his job is done.

He's going to miss them. Two years did wonders for the group and Soonyoung just knows they're going to grow more. 

Soonyoung bids the team farewell and assures them that he is more than willing to drop everything to work with them again. He got tight hugs and kisses on his cheeks and with one last wave, he's off.

Once outside the building, he shivers as the cold and chilly air greets him. He feels his phone vibrates in his hand and he looks to see a message from his assistant saying his flight is the following night. 

He sends a thumbs up and pockets his phone before looking around the busy streets of the city. 

It was a short three months. For him, at least. 

It's all about a quick run in the morning, breakfast, meetings with his U.S team, replying to emails, off to work with Seventeen, meetings with the production team, off to the gym, then dinner, and the end of the day, he'll flop to the bed, exhaustion taking over his body.

He visited his parents thrice, one for each month, and stayed for a day or two before he is off to work again. He never really had time for himself to just relax and maybe take a walk, something he really likes doing. 

So before retiring to his apartment, he decided to take one last walk in the city where everything began.

He walked, with no particular destination in mind. He's just letting his feet take him to wherever.

Soonyoung looks around him and sees students who are just coming home from cram school, drunk and rowdy university students outside a convenience store, tired faces of office workers and couples holding hands while walking.

He missed this, this type of relaxing moment. 

Ever since his career launched in the U.S, he's always been up and about. Meetings, concepts, directing, and he even had a hit with producing and Soonyoung doesn't remember when was the last time he actually lounged around his apartment, head empty and body lax.

He missed mornings with a certain someone, a few minutes in bed and just staring at his face. Then he'd stand up and prepare them a simple breakfast of eggs, toast, and coffee. 

He missed the simple office work where he'd get through the usual workload of the day and he'd come back to a simple home with white-colored walls and blue and wood accents. 

He missed being hugged, cuddled and showered with kisses. Not with just anyone else though. Just a certain someone.

But it's time to face reality. He didn't work his brain and body out just to throw away his hard-earned career, all because he was feeling a bit emotional walking around. 

He has a family to support, though his parents are doing well on their own with their business, and a studio waiting for him to go back. 

He has unread emails with clients sitting in his inbox, he has projects to oversee and approve, he has meetings and briefings to get to, and he has a thriving life waiting for him to board the plane and fly back.

He can't up and leave everything behind.

Soonyoung’s feet come to a halt when he spots an all-too-familiar park, a peach tree he knows too well stands in the middle, strong amid the rash and chilly wind. He recognizes it through and through.

He looks to his right and there it was. 

Unknowingly, his feet led him back here. It was still the same apartment complex with cream-colored walls, still the same house that Soonyoung once considered his comfort place.

Now that he thinks about it, it wasn't the best. It pales in comparison to his apartment back in the U.S., but it was home. 

The reason the dainty one-bedroom unit is comforting is because it is home. 

It could be a bit too tight for his dancing videos, he might have to push a few furniture back to record, the kitchen and the dining area might be in one cramped place, but it has Jihoon in it.

He comes home to Jihoon every day and if he wasn't tired, stupid, and an overall fucking dumbass two years ago, he could have been home by now, engulfed into the warmest hug instead of being a kicked puppy, roaming the streets.

He stares for a few more minutes at the building, unconsciously thinking if Jihoon still lives there. It was a sudden thought that Soonyoung found amusing as he lifelessly chuckles. 

Who was he kidding? There's no meaning in staying in the place which saw nothing but Soonyoung's nasty words that led to their breakup. Jihoon would have moved out. 

Alone? With a friend? Or maybe a significant other?

The thought of Jihoon with someone else hurts as Soonyoung’s puts a knuckle to his heart and softly pounds on it to ease the ache. 

But he couldn't blame Jihoon at all. He, too, had his own fair share of love-hunting, but for some reason, Soonyoung can't pinpoint what's missing. Most of his romantic affairs were successful career-wise, beautiful, handsome, kind, and caring. 

It’s just that… no one comes close. And he knew why it didn't work out. 

None of them were Jihoon, they will never be Jihoon.

Soonyoung sighs, taking one last look at the building that saw his growth as a dancer, before mumbling a silent ‘thank you’ under his breath. 

He turns around to leave, dragging his feet with him. Soonyoung was just a few steps away when stops in his tracks. 

It was a cold, chilly night and he wasn't sure if he is shivering because of the wind or shaking because of the man in front of him.

Lee Jihoon looks like he didn't age at all. On his head sits fluffy black hair and he is wearing a crisp office suit that hugs his body. 

He still has his adorable chubby cheeks, flushed pink because of the cold and in his eyes is disbelief, his stance turning rigid upon seeing who's in front of him.

And Soonyoung feels like he lost all air inside his lungs. 

When his friends asked him what he would do if he sees Jihoon again, he boastfully told them he’ll stand proud and show him what he has reached in life. 

Well, that's just a faraway dream now, isn't it? Because here he is, standing in front of the man he still loves, tail in between his legs, and eyes refusing to meet the other's.

It felt like time stopped, and it probably did.

"Soonyoung?"

He clenches his fist. One word, his name on Jihoon's lips, sounds like angels singing in heaven, the most beautiful melody he's ever heard. 

And he would do anything, everything, to hear it again.

"Welcome home Soon."

It's been so long, too long, since he last heard someone welcome him home. It's not exactly a thing in the U.S. and he hasn't had anyone in his house to even say it.

But hearing Jihoon say it, Soonyoung wants to beg on his knees, leaving his studio, his career, and everything behind and just start over again. 

"I mean, are you back for good? Or for work?" Jihoon asks and in his eyes, confusion and shock. He was just taking his time walking home, feeling the cold breeze when he was nearing his apartment and saw a familiar back.

It was too familiar that he stopped in his tracks and waited for the man to turn around, just so he could confirm, see for himself Soonyoung's face.

And when the man did, Jihoon felt his knees weakened. 

Soonyoung is still as breathtaking as the first time he met him. His hair is a platinum silver color that suits him very well, he is wearing his usual sweats and a padded coat. His fluffy cheeks, a bit red and that makes him all the adorable still. His slanted eyes a bit widened, shock evident in them and lips slightly parted.

Jihoon wills himself to calm down and asked in the most normal voice he could muster. But deep inside, the heaven knows, how much Jihoon is shaking, his brain literally forcing his mouth to speak. 

‘Are you here for me? Are you coming home to me?’

"Uhh, no. I'm here for work. It just ended, actually. Just, uhh, I think.. thirty minutes ago or something. Uhh... I'm going back tomorrow. Yeah.." Soonyoung stutters, eyes on his shoes and his hands clenched in front of him. 

Jihoon reminds him of a little child being scolded by his parents.

Jihoon softly chuckles, out of both fondness and disappointment. 

Of course, Soonyoung's here for work and not for him, but he still finds him adorable. It seems like the Soonyoung he once knew didn't change much at all. 

He's still the shy thing that stutters when he is nervous. A complete opposite of the Soonyoung he sees on stage.

And it didn’t escape Jihoon’s ears that he is leaving tomorrow, it didn’t fail to register in his head that no, he's not back for him. 

Jihoon has long realized to slowly accept that there are certain people in this world that were only meant to give you temporary happiness.

Soonyoung was one of those. 

"Hmm, I see. Well, it was nice meeting you again Soonyoung. Have a safe flight back."

Soonyoung can only feebly nod. 

Jihoon flashes him a smile and they pass by each other, shoulders slightly brushing and hands aching to reach out to the other's. 

Similar thoughts run through both of their heads but no one's brave enough to fix whatever's left.

And here they are again, so close yet so far. Their relationship is left out in the open, they have questions unanswered, feelings unsure, and hearts still broken.

Until Soonyoung, that is.

"Jihoon!" Soonyoung turns around and jogs a few steps to get to where Jihoon is, whose eyes are a bit confused and shocked and Soonyoung can see a bit of longing in there too. Or that's what he hopes it is.

"Can we.. umm.. can we have..hmm... I don't know, coffee or something?" Soonyoung says, face flushed as he stutters through his words and even though Jihoon's pretty sure he drank a whole cup of coffee before heading home, he found himself nodding and smiling softly at Soonyoung's invitation.

The smile Soonyoung gave him is worth another round of caffeine in his body.

They settle in a nearby coffee shop and sit by the window. 

It was new, Soonyoung notes. It wasn't there two years ago and he wonders why the owner decided to put his cafe in a quiet neighborhood like theirs. But it was cozy, quaint and had some delicious as heaven coffee.

Soonyoung delightfully sips on his drink while Jihoon softly smiles.

"It tastes good, right? It's quiet now but students from the nearby schools usually flock here. They have one charming as heck barista," Jihoon says and Soonyoung looks past him to see the barista making small talk with another customer while taking her order.

He's handsome and has a boy-next-door vibe. Definitely the type that high school students would gush over.

"You.. like him?" Soonyoung inquires, nervously taking a sip of this drink, in an effort to hide his pout.

"Daniel? No. He's a friend but he's not anything like… that," Jihoon says, careful not to let out the fact that he had a one-night stand with the barista a year ago.

At that time, he had already known Daniel for a couple of months and they were pretty acquainted with one another. He was drunk, but despite that, he was craving coffee but he was almost falling to his face when Daniel clocked out and helped him get into his apartment.

One thing led to another and Jihoon woke up on the couch, body sore, and medicine and water at the coffee table. He had a horrible hangover but he was not a forgetful drunk and knew exactly what he did. 

So after gathering his courage, he went to the coffee shop and apologized to the barista. Daniel shook it off with a smile and said his apologies as well.

They tried to date, Jihoon tried his hardest and it wasn't that difficult to like Daniel. 

He was thoughtful, caring, kind and funny. He has a boyish and childish vibe that made uptight, typical office worker Jihoon relax and laugh. It went on for a few months but they (or more like Jihoon) realized that they are better off as friends.

There's nothing wrong with Daniel, to be honest. He is a sweet person and his next significant other would be so lucky to have him. Heck, even Jihoon admits that he was lucky to have one Kang Daniel at some point in his life.

But the thing about Daniel is that he's not Soonyoung. Nobody compares to Soonyoung, after all. So to prevent any unnecessary drama, he broke it off and was relieved to know that Daniel thought the same way.

"Ah. He's a friend, huh?" Soonyoung shyly says and he won't deny that his heart did a little tiny happy dance.

"You? How are you?" Jihoon asks as he looks straight into Soonyoung's eyes.

Soonyoung softly smiles, "I'm good, Jihoon. Did you get that promotion?"

Jihoon enthusiastically nods and that made Soonyoung beam, all teeth and with his eyes almost disappearing.

"That's good to know. Congratulations. You deserve it. I'm proud of you."

"I'm proud of you, too."

And just like what happens in fairy tales, there was a shift in the atmosphere. 

Suddenly, there are fairy lights behind Soonyoung that twinkle like bright stars every time he laughs. 

And suddenly, there are showers of soft-smelling glitters whenever Jihoon’s eye crinkles into tiny crescent moons. 

They talked like old friends who hasn't seen each other in a long time, Soonyoung shared his adventures in the U.S. and Jihoon ranted about how the previous supervisor was a bitch until the very last minute of his retirement. 

They talked and laughed like the two years apart weren't so close to breaking them.

It was close to ten p.m. and Daniel signals to Jihoon that they are closing any minute. They didn't even realize that they'd been talking for hours.

"It's late Jihoon. Let me take you home," Soonyoung says while they are outside the cafe.

Jihoon only smiles and said, "No, it's okay. I'm already home."

Soonyoung blinks once, twice, thrice, Jihoon's words not registering in his mind. 

Was it just him or is there an underlying meaning to it?

"Eh?"

"I'm home, Soonyoung. I still live there," Jihoon says while pointing at the apartment complex across the street.

Soonyoung's eyes widen. "You didn't move out?"

Jihoon shyly shakes his head and to redeem whatever's left of his pride, he lies. 

"No, I… I hope you don't mind. It's just that it's the most convenient place to live in. You know it's closer to work, safer too. I also didn't have the time to move out, I'm too tired to pack the things and stuff."

"Oh." Is the only thing that Soonyoung could muster. 

He's disappointed but not surprised. 

Disappointed that Jihoon only stayed because the place is convenient for him and not surprised because it's totally Jihoon to not having the energy to pack his stuff.

A thunder cracks in the distance followed by faint lightning. And that was the cue for the fairy lights and glitters to disappear.

"It's going to rain soon, I think," Soonyoung says, looking up at the dark sky. 

"Yeah, I think so too. You better go, Soonyoung," Jihoon says, coaxing Soonyoung to go. 

He doesn't want to acknowledge it but Soonyoung's stories from the U.S made Jihoon realize that that's where the dancer belongs.

He can see the passion in Soonyoung's eyes, a fire that wasn't there when he was a regular office worker, a fire that wasn't there two years ago. And Jihoon realizes all that while getting drunk in Soonyoung's stories and laughs.

Maybe Soonyoung wasn't meant to stay in the first place. Maybe the heavens gave Jihoon to Soonyoung to push the dancer to create his YouTube channel and post his dancing videos, to give permission for Soonyoung to go with the dance crew. 

Like destiny’s way of making Soonyoung realize he’s more than just a bubbly, overworked HR guy. 

And his part is done. But despite that, he will always love Soonyoung. No matter where he is, what he's doing and who he's with. 

Jihoon is a firm believer that once you love someone, you really can't unlove them. They stay in your heart forever.

"Yeah. Uhm, it's nice meeting you again, Jihoon."

Jihoon nods and smiles when he felt something wet hit his cheeks. He looks up and holds out his hand when light drizzle started pouring in, going fast as seconds go by, and pebbles of rain started staining their clothes. 

A loud roar of thunder came from the sky and both Soonyoung and Jihoon flinches at the sound.

Without thinking much, Jihoon grabs Soonyoung and drags him towards the apartment, and under its waiting shed. They stand beside each other and just stare at the rain before them, which seems to pour harder by the minute. 

Jihoon can see Soonyoung shivering under his padded jacket and worries at the thought of the other enduring a fever on an 11-hour plane ride back to the U.S. 

So he comes up with what he thinks is the only option at the moment.

"I don't think the rain's going to let out soon. Do you want to come inside?"

Soonyoung was startled by Jihoon's question. He wasn't expecting the other boy to offer him back to his former home and Soonyoung would have understood. 

It's not like it's a simple house with no emotional attachment to it. It's more than just an apartment unit, after all. It's their home. 

And it’s also the place Soonyoung left behind. 

"Uhh, is that okay?" Soonyoung hesitantly asks and sighs a relief when Jihoon nodded.

"Of course."

The walk to the unit was silent, it's not awkward but it's not the most comfortable either. 

Jihoon punches in the password, his body covering the security lock so Soonyoung wasn't able to make out the code. It's not like he has plans of barging in here anytime after tonight, it's just curiosity if Jihoon changed the code too. 

But the house code was the least of Soonyoung’s concerns now, not when entering the room only brings a round of heartache and longing. 

He literally felt like he didn't leave at all. He feels like he is back to two years ago and was just coming home from his regular office job and Jihoon is there in the kitchen, washing the plates or preparing the dinner.

It's too familiar, too warm, too cozy. It's making him feel things. 

There's his favorite vanilla air freshener lingering in the air, the shoes Jihoon usually wears are lined neatly by the entrance and Soonyoung was shocked to see the tiger-patterned carpet, that Jihoon begged to be thrown out, sitting there on the floor. 

It's worn out but it’s there. 

He walks further into the room and Soonyoung beams at the sight of the gigantic tiger plushie on the sofa. He happily trudges toward it and hugs the stuffed toy tightly to his chest. 

"Horanghae! You kept him!" Soonyoung excitedly says, cheeks fluffy as he buries his face into the plushie. 

"I can't possibly throw him out. He's like my child. He makes good company too," Jihoon says, coming out from the bedroom. He changed out of his work clothes and in his arms is an extra set of clothes for Soonyoung

"You've grown… bigger so I'm not sure if this will fit. But these were yours and I.. uhm.. dug them out of the closet… just now." Jihoon says while handing Soonyoung the clothes, his face tinged red, and avoiding the other’s eyes. 

Soonyoung didn't understand why Jihoon acted that way until he got to the bathroom. The clothes are freshly washed based on the lingering scent of detergent and neatly folded. 

It doesn't seem like it was left at the bottom of the closet at all.

Soonyoung fondly smiles. Jihoon has always liked wearing his shirts, saying they are bigger and more comfortable than his own.

At least there's still a bit of him left in Jihoon's heart. Or that's what he hopes for.

When the dancer emerges from the bathroom, fully dry and wearing the clothes Jihoon bought out, Jihoon felt his throat dry at the sight. 

Soonyoung grew too well. Too well, for Jihoon's liking. 

His shoulders are broader, his arm muscles are more prominent now with the sleeves of the shirt looking like it's going to tear any moment, and Jihoon quickly looks away when he can faintly see the outline of Soonyoung's abs against the thin material.

‘Heavens, send help. Those shorts.’

The bottom garment wasn't any help at all. It was shorter, showing Soonyoung's muscled and lean legs. It's a bit tight at the crotch area and Jihoon wills away the thought of Soonyoung's bulge protruding.

‘Oh, dear heavens.’

Soonyoung wasn't fairing any better as he observes Jihoon from the kitchen. The smaller boy is wearing a shirt two sizes bigger, revealing his pale neck and tempting collarbones. He's trying to avert his eyes from staring at the other's smooth and pale legs against those black shorts.

‘That ass. Forgive me. They got bigger.’

Soonyoung can't help but blush when memories of skin, those wonderful moans, sweaty bodies flushed against one another, hands in all the right places, lips against his, and sinful words in his ear, flash through his mind. 

He can't help but sweat and feel hot. Soonyoung wants to smack himself in the face for thinking naughty thoughts about his seemingly innocent ex-boyfriend.

'He didn't invite you in for you to lust over him Soonyoung!' He thinks as he runs his hand over his face, in futile efforts to remove the heating blush. 

Jihoon approaches him and grabs the wet clothes in his hand to hang them near the heater. He also turns the television on, just in time as the newscaster reports on the harsh evening weather. 

"... high pressure area. The thunderstorm is expected to last the whole night.."

Jihoon looks over to Soonyoung, who doesn't seem worried at all. "It looks like it'll rain the whole night."

Soonyoung just nods and there was tension in the air. It could be sexual tension if they squint hard enough but they are too awkward, too scared, too shy to address the elephant in the room.

Up until this moment, Soonyoung thought they are getting along well and is too much of a coward to bring up what happened two years ago.

"You can stay over, Soonyoung."

Soonyoung's eyes snap to stare at Jihoon's, a wild thought in his head. 

‘Maybe this is it. The chance to—’

But, there's no underlying intent in Jihoon’s eyes, just pure concern and honesty. 

All night long, Soonyoung has been scouting for signs in Jihoon's eyes, words, and actions that signal the cue to talk about them, what happened, and if there's anything that they can save. If they can start again.

But, he sees no signs of the other wanting to talk about it so Soonyoung doesn’t dare bring it up and decides to just enjoy the last few hours with him, in sight, in flesh and within arms’ reach. 

Jihoon seems to have moved on completely. He's doing fine, both career-wise and emotionally too. He's not a nervous wreck like Soonyoung is, stuttering at words, nervous with actions, and head in utter chaos.

"If that's fine with you, Jihoon. I don't think I can go back at this rate," Soonyoung says, looking at the window heavily splattered with raindrops.

"Of course, it's okay. You can stay in the room, I'll sleep on the couch," Jihoon was about to turn around to get his pillow and blanket when Soonyoung's grip on his wrist halts him from his tracks.

"No, no, I'm totally fine here on the couch. Please, take the bed Jihoon."

"You're a guest Soonyoung. The couch's not the most comfortable place to sleep in."

"I'm used to sleeping on my studio's couch all the time. So I am more than comfortable," Soonyoung says with a smile. "Please take the bed, please?"

Jihoon hesitantly nods. He doesn't quite agree with Soonyoung sleeping on the couch. It's the perfect size for Jihoon with his smaller stature but it's a completely different thing with Soonyoung and his longer legs. 

"Well, okay if you insist? There's an extra toothbrush in the bathroom. It's still where we usually put the extras. Hmmm.. do you want something? Like, I don't know.. hot chocolate or something to eat?" Jihoon offers, a bit lost. He doesn't usually have visitors over so he's an awkward ball of a host.

"Oh, no. I'm okay, Jihoon. I'm still full from the food we had at the cafe. I might have to take up your offer on the toothbrush though. 

Jihoon nods and smiled. "Well, you know your way around." 

His smile soon falters though when his phone vibrated on the dining table. From the lock screen alone, he already knows what it was about. He picks it up and loudly sighs while typing in a reply.

"Soonyoung, I'm sorry. I'd love to chat more but a colleague at work just texted and I need to fix something. I'm sorry. You must be tired too, take a rest. And if you need anything, I'm in the room."

Jihoon retreats back to the room and comes out moments later, carrying pillows and a blanket. He's still a bit hesitant to let Soonyoung sleep on the couch and is still contemplating when Soonyoung grabs the items in his hands and throws him a grin. 

"I'm okay. Good night, Jihoon."

They hold each other's gazes for a while. There are a lot of questions in the air, their hearts screaming for answers.

‘Can you come back to me?’

‘Will you love me again?’

‘Do you still care?’

‘Are you really leaving?’

No one's talking, only the pitter patter of the rain can be heard. A loud thunder broke out and that made Jihoon flinch and break away. 

"Good night, Soonyoung. Sleep well."

It was a good night, that much Soonyoung knew, but it wasn't a sleep-well kind of night. 

Soonyoung keeps on tossing, moving, squeezing himself into the small couch. He had a long day but he can't seem to fall asleep, especially knowing that Jihoon is just a few steps away from him. 

Arm's reach yet so far away.

He sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. There’s a funny feeling inside him, it’s ticklish. His heart is warm, he feels comfortable despite the small couch, and he feels happy.

He sits up and looks around the room instead.

 Jihoon unknowingly did a good job of making Soonyoung question his choices in life.

More than two years ago, he was hungry for growth, ambitious, and he was craving for more. He wants to do what he loves, provide for his family, wants to give Jihoon a comfortable lifestyle, have their own house, and maybe in the future, have little kids running around the living room.

But now that he looks around the room he once called home, he can't help but wonder if everything was worth it. 

Memories with Jihoon flash like an old forgotten movie and Soonyoung wants to experience it again, he wants to go back to Jihoon's life, he wants to stay.

But, his reason for jumping in on CSJ's offer was gone, happy with his life, and doesn't need the workaholic him who can't even spare a minute to reply. Jihoon wasn't asking for much, just one text is enough, but Soonyoung is too busy, too blinded.

He even hurt Jihoon with unthoughtful words when all Jihoon has ever done is love him wholeheartedly.

The night and rain ended but all Soonyoung wants to do is to start over again.

**

"Um, good morning Soonyoung."

Soonyoung flips the last pancake in the pan before turning around to look at Jihoon and he couldn't stop a smile from blooming on his face. The smaller boy looks extra fluffier this morning. 

Cute.

"Rough night? I made breakfast. I hope you don't mind," Soonyoung says, placing a plate stacked with pancakes on the table. He gestures for Jihoon to sit while he pours them their coffees.

"Yeah, a new employee made a major mistake in the presentation," Jihoon sips on his coffee and mutters a soft 'thank you' to Soonyoung. 

"Did you sleep well? The couch's not the most comfortable thing."

"I did!"

That was a lie. Soonyoung didn't get a wink of sleep during the night. 

The next thing he knows, the sun is already rising and light is slowly seeping into the room. He gave up on sleeping and just decided to cook breakfast for himself and Jihoon. 

It's the least he can do after noticing that the bedroom's light was turned on the whole night and if he listens carefully, the continuous tapping sound of the keyboard.

Breakfast was uneventful, they stayed quiet, just enjoying each other’s presence, both knowing they don’t have much time left. 

When the clock strikes seven, it was Soonyoung’s cue to leave. He badly wants to walk Jihoon to his office, but he's not sure if the other would appreciate that. It might be asking for too much and Jihoon might find it uncomfortable so he decided to leave first.

They now stand by the front door, Soonyoung's back to his clothes and he flashes Jihoon a soft smile.

"You're doing well, Jihoonie." The nickname came out of habit but Soonyoung made no move to take it back. He's leaving in a few minutes anyway. He probably won't be back for a while and this might as well be the last time he gets to see Jihoon like this.

"I just want to tell you that you are doing well and that I'm happy I get to see you again. It's long overdue but I'm sorry for what happened two years ago. We didn't end on a good note but I am fucking glad that you agreed to have coffee with me, invited me over, and even allowed me to stay for a night."

‘You are still the best thing that ever happened to me’ are the words that he couldn't say out loud but it sums up what he feels and knows at the moment. 

Soonyoung gathers whatever courage he had left and leans in to place one lingering kiss on Jihoon's forehead.

"I'm sorry, my love."

And just like that, Soonyoung turns around and walks away without a second glance. It took all of him to not look at Jihoon's face, not to beg the other boy to take him back, to engulfed him in a hug.

It took all of his will to not look back, because the moment he does, he knows he won't be able to leave.

He takes his sweet time walking out of the apartment complex, desperately hoping and praying to all the gods above for Jihoon to run after him, to stop him, or maybe just the smallest of signs that he can come home again.

But none came.

He arrives at his hotel room, exhausted and on the verge of tears and while he was slowly drifting to sleep, all he can see is Jihoon's smiling face and how much he wishes to see it every day for the rest of his life.

But it seems impossible now. 

Maybe meeting Jihoon again was for closure, a sign for Soonyoung to realize that he's the only one in love, that Jihoon is doing well on his own and that he doesn't need Soonyoung in his life anymore.

The day quickly passes and by the time Soonyoung's out of the hotel, he only has an hour and a half before his flight leaves. 

He dreads it and maybe deep inside him, he wishes he'll miss the plane, so that he can stay for another day, another hour, because maybe, just maybe, Jihoon will come looking for him.

But there was no traffic in sight, the check-in was smooth sailing, and there's no long line at airport security. 

And despite (intentionally) leaving at the last minute, Soonyoung still manages to get into the airport gates with twenty minutes to spare.

He sighs as he harshly sits down. It's like the universe is telling him to just give Jihoon up.

Soonyoung spends the last twenty minutes browsing through hidden albums. Albums of his and Jihoon's photographs.

He never really gotten around to deleting them and truthfully, he doesn't want to. 

He keeps them in a cloud drive under a separate account to avoid losing them and for times like this, when he misses the smaller one or when he yearns for his embrace, he looks back and smiles at their memories.

Jihoon was a cold little thing back in university and Soonyoung wasn't even sure how he befriended him. It's just that one day, after sitting beside each other in a shared class, they realized that there was a certain click between the both of them. 

Like how they have similar tastes in music, like how Soonyoung can be a blubbering mess but Jihoon understands him anyway, like how Jihoon balances out his never-ending energy and has greatly helped in keeping him grounded and rational.

Soonyoung knew there was no way he would have survived college without Jihoon constantly reminding him why he was there in the first place. Despite pursuing different degrees, Jihoon knows how to guide him through tough classes, helped him review for exams and tests, and at the same time, manage his own.

Jihoon was heaven-sent. And definitely, the best thing that ever happened in Soonyoung's life.

He swipes through five years worth of memories, some pictures he stared at a bit more, some he softly chuckles at. 

The last picture in the album is a screenshot of a video call, Jihoon on the other line, face illuminated by dim lamp light, his angelic face mushed against a white pillow, eyes closed, and peacefully sleeping.

It was two years ago when their relationship was hanging on a thin thread of random messages and video calls.

Sonyoung locks his phone when a voice echoes out of the airport's speakers, announcing the boarding of a certain flight. 

Soonyoung double-checks his ticket and reads that it’s his plane. With one last sigh, he stands to fall in line while sending Minhyuk a text. 

Minhyuk

I'm boarding.

Okay! Safe flight Soonyoung!

He pockets his phone and when it was his turn, he softly smiles at the airport staff before handing her his boarding pass. 

‘This is it.’ Soonyoung thinks. The moment the lady hands it back, the moment he enters that aircraft, everything ends. 

And up to that point, he had already accepted, resigned to their fate. 

That is until his nose caught the faint smell of a mild floral perfume.

He stares at the lady in front of him while she handed him back his ticket with a smile. With shaky hands, he accepts it but couldn't take one more step into the boarding bridge. 

He remained rooted to his spot and he could faintly see the lady's concerned face, as well as the impatient sigh of the person behind him.

The scent was a mild floral scent, similar to how Jihoon's, their, home smelled like.

‘Jihoon.’

He clenches his fist, the ticket in his hands crumpling at the force. His head is filled with nothing but the lady's floral perfume all reminds him of Jihoon. Jihoon's smile, Jihoon's warmth, Jihoon's love, home with Jihoon.

"I'm sorry," Soonyoung says, his voice shaking as he moved out of the line. The lady still looks at him with concern and he flashes her a timid smile before briskly walking away. 

He can hear her faintly calling out for him, her voice gradually disappearing as he runs through the airport.

He may have bumped into a few people on his way out, probably a few who shouted at him, and maybe he was getting real close to being apprehended by airport security due to his brash actions but none of that matters.

All that matters is he gets out of here and into a taxi. All that matters is that he gets to go home.

He steps out of the airport and quickly hails a taxi, throwing his bag into the backseat, before slumping down himself. 

Another impulsive decision, another impulsive act that Soonyoung made with his head void of reason. But then again, the last time he was this reckless, he lost Jihoon. 

And nothing can really top that.

He groans when not even five minutes into the ride, he was already stuck in traffic that wasn't there an hour ago. 

‘Universe really likes fucking with me, huh? Well, fuck you too.’ 

Minhyuk

I'm not boarding.

Huh? Is your flight delayed?

Nope, I'm not going back home.

At least not tonight.

Huuuuh?

There's something I need to fix.

What? Did something go wrong with Seventeen?

The picture in my phone.

Finally Soonyoung.

"Yeah, finally," Soonyoung mutters under his breath as the taxi swerves out of traffic and into the freeway.

‘Just a few more minutes, love.’

But the moment he spots their apartment building, he felt his legs turning into jello. 

He hadn't really thought about what to do or say. He's not even sure if Jihoon's home. He could still be at work, or out with his friends. It was a Friday, after all.

‘It's now or never, Soonyoung! Stop being a selfish coward and move.’

The walk to the apartment unit was filled with nervous huffs of breath. And in a few more steps, he comes face to face with a door, a gold plate embedded with ‘611’ hangs on it. 

He still has a chance to walk away and continue with his life. Jihoon doesn't need any more distractions in his life, especially one named Kwon Soonyoung.

But at least he tried, right? He won't be able to rest easy and board that plane back to the U.S. without even trying. 

Even if it doesn't end well, he tried.

He knocked once, twice, and he tried for the third time but it seems like Jihoon isn't home.

But Soonyoung swears he can faintly hear the television inside the unit and maybe it's the five years they spend together or Soonyoung's longing for him that he can feel the younger's presence in the room.

He just knows.

Soonyoung stares at the smart lock security at the front of the door. It's morally wrong to just enter and if everything goes wrong, Jihoon might as well file a case against him for trespassing but his guts tell him to try.

He hovers a hand above the digital lock and the numeric keypad appears. Soonyoung is 99.99 percent sure that Jihoon would have changed the passcode by now. 

He has a lot of reasons to. But Soonyoung tries anyway.

He enters the passcode he knew by heart.

1522. A combination of their birth dates. 

Soonyoung is expecting the wrong pin, but not the familiar click of the door hinge. He still couldn't believe it, not until he turned the door knob and the door swung open.

He stops midway, his hands shaking and he can literally hear his heartbeat loud in his ears. The lights in the entryway and in the living room are off and Soonyoung carefully takes his shoes off. 

"Jihoon?" He softly calls out. From the entrance to the living room, he can see the television, turned on and playing a romantic film, of two people laughing, of two people in love. 

It was loud and Soonyoung doubts Jihoon can hear him by how soft his voice was.

He walks towards the living room and sees a lump of blanket curled on the sofa. He felt for the nearest wall for the lights switch that he knows is there and turns it all on. 

Bright lights fill the room and he made his presence known by clearing his throat and calling out for Jihoon once again.

The ball of sheets on the sofa moves and Soonyoung can hear the faint sounds of sniffles and sobs. Concerned, he approaches the couch and kneels down.

"Jihoon?"

The sobs got louder and Soonyoung slowly pries away the blankets what he saw underneath bought an immeasurable pain in his heart. 

Half of Jihoon's face is hidden behind a pillow and Soonyoung can only see his eyes, red and rimmed with tears. Some are still beginning to form, wetting his eyelashes while some are streaming down the side of his face, eventually disappearing into the sheets.

Despite his voice muffled by the blanket, Soonyoung can hear the whimpers Jihoon tries to hide, and his hand paler than ever as he hugs the pillow close to him. 

His teary eyes stare straight back into Soonyoung's concerned ones and one last cracked sob led him to bury his face deeper into the cushion and curled into a ball even more.

Soonyoung gives out a heartbroken sigh and with gentle hands, he untangles Jihoon out of the sheets. 

First, there was resistance and Jihoon refuses to budge. But Soonyoung's delicate hands and soothing voice seem to have an effect and slowly, he comes face to face with a wrecked Jihoon.

His fringe is stuck to his forehead and there are tear stains on his cheeks. Soonyoung gathers him into his arms and Jihoon cries even more, face buried in his neck as the dancer whispers words of comfort, the way he knows Jihoon would calm down.

"I'm here, love. I'm here."

Five words and all the pain of the last two years disappears. And all Jihoon feels is a sense of relief, a feeling of being home, and a heart that is slowly stitching itself back together.

Soonyoung feels Jihoon's arm around tightening and tears litter his eyes.

"I'm sorry, my love," Soonyoung says as he holds on to the back of Jihoon's head, drawing him even closer as he feels Jihoon weakly nod. 

"You must have been so lonely. It must have been so hard for you. Please, I'm sorry, baby."

It rained again that night, a bit earlier than what the weather forecast predicted. But instead of the anticipated thunderstorm, it was a light drizzle. The kind of rain you'd want to feel on your skin, the kind of rain that feels fresh, the kind that brings a cold, comforting wind.

They spend a few minutes comforting each other as Soonyoung assures Jihoon that he's not leaving, that he's not going to leave him anymore, that he's going to stay, that he is home. 

That no amount of work and opportunities compares to the feeling of Jihoon's embrace, that he wouldn't trade Jihoon for anything again.

Jihoon cries harder and tries to tell Soonyoung that it's okay, that he is fine, and for Soonyoung to go back to where he needs to be. 

But the other boy is having none of it and shushes Jihoon with a gentle kiss on the lips. He cups Jihoon's cheeks as his thumbs wipe the cascading tears away from the smaller's face.

"This is where I need to be, Jihoon. Here, with you."

In the background is the television left turned on. A 27-minute video of Soonyoung and Jihoon's 5-year-old relationship plays, an anniversary gift from the dancer and the film that breaks and mends Jihoon's heart all at the same time.

**

It was ten p.m and it took them a good hour and a half to calm down. Jihoon sits cross-legged on the couch while Soonyoung is beside him. They lean onto the back of the couch, staring at the white-colored ceiling.

"I tried calling you. When I woke up that morning, I tried calling you. But the call won't go through," Jihoon says, remembering his cry of anguish when he called Soonyoung's number, only to be directed to an automated voice, saying that the number cannot be reached.

He heard Soonyoung sigh and rubs a frustrated hand over his face.

"That day, I was outside. I was angry so I took a walk and decided to call you when I'm calm enough. I thought that if things go well, I'll show you the sea. The U.S. has beautiful beaches, I think you'll love them. But then things didn't go well. Out of anger, I threw my phone into the ocean," Soonyoung says, chuckling at his last sentence. 

"I bought a new one a few hours later. My call won't go through yours."

"I thought you blocked me, didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I changed number the same day." Jihoon chuckles about how fate decided to fuck them both. 

"We're idiots, I'm telling you."

"Dumbasses."

The rest of the night was filled with small talks and silence in between. And slowly, Soonyoung moves closer. 

Slowly, Jihoon lays his head on the dancer's shoulder. 

Slowly, Soonyoung holds Jihoon's hand and slowly, Jihoon tangles their fingers together. 

No one really knew who made the first move. Was it Soonyoung and his arms around Jihoon's shoulders? Or was it Jihoon and his fingers, lightly drawing circles on Soonyoung's thighs? 

No one knew.

But they did end up in bed, limbs tangled, bodies flushed together, warm touches, lingering kisses, soft moans, satisfying releases, and words of I love yous bouncing off the four corners of their room.

And Soonyoung lays there, hours after making love with Jihoon, staring at the other's peaceful sleeping face. After what happened, he just couldn't leave. 

There's just no way in this damn universe he's going to leave again.

He felt around for his phone to send Minhyuk one text.

Soonyoung looks out the window and saw the once-dark sky shifting to a lighter blue and in the distance, he can see the sun just starting to rise. 

He doubts Jihoon would wake up anytime soon, so he settles right beside him and gathers him into his arms, placing a tender kiss on his forehead, before murmuring an “I love you.”

Minhyuk

What do you guys think about relocating?