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The first time she spent her night in his bed hadn’t been intentional. He’d fucked her for hours, relentlessly, and frankly she was exhausted. Combined with how limp she gone after her last of many orgasms that night, and the brutal training she’d done all day, she couldn’t move her limbs even if she wanted to. And she didn’t really want to. She’d enjoyed how plush his bed felt under her while he was atop her. And a small part of her had secretly craved the normalcy of going to sleep with him in his bed. She’d also never had many chances for it. Usually their couplings weren’t in his bed- usually it was hers or any ready flat surface. The first time he’d taken her was on the kitchen table. The second was against the wall. Sure they’d explored his whole house and the various places and positions they could get into to have sex. But never his bed. She was also prone to leaving right after they were done. Just throwing her clothes haphazardly back on and either showering or going into her room, locking the door behind her. So she supposed she couldn’t really blame him for not taking her to his bedroom. That was too personal and Nesta had made it very clear to Cassian, that whatever lines they thought they were or weren’t blurring with each other’s bodies, it was not personal. But there she was, not moving from where he’d left her when he’d rolled off of her to the side.

He’d come home in a foul mood. Nothing she said could cheer him up. They’d grown comfortable around each other and had what could even be called an amicable friendship. She laughed more around him and he didn’t feel the need to boast and make so much noise around her. Usually, it was her that fell into her thoughts, darkened by her pain and regrets from what felt like a lifetime ago.

She didn’t share her grief - it wasn’t in Nesta to complain about her true feelings. She’d complain incessantly about how the wind in Illyria messed up her hair or how the mud was ruining her favorite dresses. But complaining about how sometimes she felt grief so starkly she thought she’d throw up and cry and die all at the same time? No, she didn’t do that.

But she did show it. She showed it in the ways she withdrew into herself, stopped talking, stopped eating. Cassian saw it all with his too keen eyes, had done so from the moment they met, and always saw through her. That was also why he got through to her. With enough time, he’d mastered the art of making Nesta Archeron a little happier when her hurt threatened to overwhelm her. And for Nesta, that small bit of happiness that he could provide, even if for a brief moment, was enough for her.

Cassian was not like Nesta. He rarely showed how he felt when he came back from the neighboring camps, or the rejection of his own people towards him. The feelings of inadequacy, of never being enough, were all thrown onto him at a too young age, and only propelled on by their hateful words.

The bastard commander. The High Lord’s dog.

They had worse names for her, and sometimes a male was stupid enough to let his insults reach Cassian’s ears. If Cassian was filled with rage at the words they threw at him, she didn’t know what to call what he became when the attacks came for her. Try as they might to deny how much the other meant to them, it was as obvious as the snow that capped the Illyrian peaks. She was his, and he was hers, and Mother above help anyone who dared threaten either of them.

She supposed that’s what scared her the most. The intensity. He didn’t say anything about how his heart ached for her. But the way he looked at her, how he defended her and protected her, made it all too clear how in love with her he was. He’d claimed her and announced it to the world…and her, without uttering a single phrase.

He’d made it clear on more than one occasion what her body did to his, but never how her sharp words, once meant to elicit a rise out of him, just filled him with contentment. How her mind, sharp and cunning, sent surges of pride through him everytime she verbally parried with someone looking down on her, or him. How comfortable she’d become in her own skin, no longer the pallid, too-thin female he’d brought to these mountains all those months ago.

He was so…much.

Larger than life, Nesta thought.

So seeing him so dejected, fury simmering in his eyes along with a deeper edge of something darker, sent her seething alongside him. Who had hurt him? She’d like to meet them, hurt them back for hurting her Cass…not mine, she reminded herself…just Cassian.

Finally she decided she’d tempt him a different way, seeing as he’d cooped himself up in his office, avoiding her. She opened the large oak door, and beheld him for a moment, drinking in the sight of him. Beautiful. Even with how his features had become with his scowling, he was beautiful. His lips were parted as he gritted his teeth and his eyes were narrowed. Half of his shoulder length hair was pulled back into a knot behind his head, and she longed to undo it and run her fingers through the silky strands.

“Come eat something. Or take a bath. Calm yourself down a little,” she tried to convince him. Her voice was soft, so at odds with the cold female the world perceived her as.

“I already showered.”

So he had. His hair was still damp and she’d only just noticed.

“Please.”

His eyes flicked up to meet hers and he exhaled a slow breath. She never said please.

Well, she did. When he had her on the cusp of release and wouldn’t grant it to her. When he sent her closer and closer to the dizzying heights she felt when his tongue licked at her most sensitive part and then moved away. That’s when she said please. Begged really. But outside of that context, Nesta Archeron did not say please. Not even to Cassian.

His face softened a bit, the harsh planes smoothing over slightly, as he took in how worried she was for him.

“Not now, Nesta. I’ll eat a little later. You go…eat or whatever it is you want to do. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine,” he assured her, nodding as if convincing himself of the lie more than her.

She raised her brows, not buying it, and then softly stalked forward. She was a predator too and she could play games just as well. Better even.

She had walked up behind him and he gave her one quick glance before going back to his paperwork. She was prone to enter into his office at odd hours and pick up a book from the shelf behind his desk, for whenever she found that only a good book could keep her nightmares away. Sometimes she would stay, stretching out on the chaise lounge and opening up her novel and sometimes she’d go back to the sitting room. He preferred it when she stayed. So did she, but sometimes Cassian came back from training and went straight to his office. And the scent of him mixed with the smell of the mountains and even a little sweat, along with how tightly those Illyrian leathers fit his muscled form- did so many things to her and none of them were conducive to focusing on her book. Cassian hadn’t made the connection yet on how she chose to stay or go. Hopefully, for Nesta’s pride, he never would.

She waited a moment longer but he was fully ignoring her presence behind him.

Oh really, she remarked inwardly. He had a lot of nerve not paying attention to her.

With an impatient sigh that had Cassian pursing his lips to avoid laughing, Nesta moved forward until she was leaning over him from behind. She drew her arms across his chest and buried her face into the crook of his neck.

“What is it Nesta? I really am busy,” he questioned, but there was no bite to his words.

“Let’s go…” she whined now, the words muffled into his neck, and it was so cute, so un-Nesta like, he had to let out a small chuckle.

“I think not sweetheart. Try harder. Or leave. Go read a book or something.”

She smirked a little to herself, knowing the mess she was about to wreak on him, and on herself if the past was any indication of how he would respond. Her lips taunted up, closer to the shell of his ear and her teeth skimmed the top lightly before tracing back down to his neck. She kissed right where his pulse hammered a frantic pace, letting her know he wasn’t as unbothered as he was acting. She peppered more and more kisses onto his soft skin, and his eyes fluttered before closing completely and he leaned further back into her embrace.

She tipped his chin back and her fingers lightly grazed the strong jaw and few days of stubble. She thought for a moment and then decided on just the right words that she knew would send his blood boiling. In all the right ways of course.

Before she lost her nerve she picked up her courage and did something she only fantasized about in the privacy of her own thoughts. Something he’d once done to her that had left her hot and bothered for days.

Nesta’s tongue licked a wicked searing path from his pulse point to his earlobe, startling Cassian, whose eyes had flown wide open and whose breath was coming in sharp pants. It was exactly the response she had wanted to elicit.

“Wound a bit tight, Cassian?”

He let out a choked sound that almost sounded like a laugh, but eyeing the growing tightness in his pants, Nesta became sure it was a moan.

She swirled her tongue around the shell of his ear and then whispered the words she would hope would be his undoing.

“Come play with me Commander.”

He growled, a low sound that vibrated through her, and she could feel herself getting wetter. Traitorous body. He hadn’t even properly touched her yet. Before she could say or do anything else, he was moving.

He picked her up like she weighed nothing. She was no longer the starving female he’d brought to his cabin last winter. She had a toned figure from the grueling training Cassian and others in the camp had put her through. Her curves, once at odds with the sharpness of her jutting bones, were now complimentary to the form of a strong capable female. She was by no means weak and fragile anymore. But being held by Cassian, being picked up and carried with ease to his bedroom made her feel- small. Feminine. She was taller than her sisters and most Fae females who already had elongated limbs. Alongside the training, sometimes Nesta felt very little of the delicate lady she used to be. Or at least, pretended to be. Nothing about Nesta had ever actually been delicate. Cassian seemed to have no qualms about her body anyways, as he’d assured her many times with his tongue, and fingers, and cock.

He’d been kissing her feverishly and she was almost running out of breath when he finally pulled away. They were in his room. She hadn’t even noticed how quickly he’d moved. She’d been too entranced with the way his tongue had sought permission past her lips and battled with her own before slowly coming to a caress.

He placed her gently onto the bed and stood up in front of her, which was so much more controlled than how he’d practically run them over here. He looked…nervous.

He was eyeing her warily now and while there was still traces of lust in his gaze, the heat had dulled a little.

“Maybe…maybe not tonight sweetheart,” he spoke quietly. He averted his eyes from hers and chose to instead stare at her shoulder.

She raised an eyebrow at him, “So you practically mauled me on the way here, and now you aren’t in the mood?”

He waited a moment before mumbling at the ground, “It was a long day. I’m tired.”

That was her cue. She should have gotten up and left right then and there. She knew when she wasn’t wanted. So why did it hurt so much? She knew he was avoiding her for other reasons but the rejection’s sting only furthered her anger at herself. Why did she need him so much? Why couldn’t she just be satisfied alone? She just stared at him with narrowed eyes in response.

He broke her out of her thoughts with a sigh and a better answer this time.

“Alright I’m not tired. Well, I am but no more than usual. It’s just…it’s been a shit day Nes and I don’t want this” and he gestured a hand between them, “to be affected.”

“Affected how?” Her tone was biting now and all traces of previous humor she may have had was gone.

His eyes widened at the question as if he didn’t think she’d actually enquire that much further.

Those beautiful hazel eyes darkened again and he crossed his arms across his chest. His wings tucked in closer behind his back and she knew he was thinking about whatever had plagued him earlier that day.

“I’m not…in the best of moods right now and-”

She snorted at that and he glared at her interruption. Of course she knew that. That was why she was doing all this. She wanted to cheer him up and if sex was the key, well it wasn’t as if she wasn’t getting something out it too. She didn’t tell him this though. Instead she rolled her eyes and gestured at him to continue.

He was silent now, no emotions showing on his face, and just when she was about to get up and throttle him for bottling up him emotions exactly like she always did, he started again.

“I don’t want to take out my frustration on you,” he chuckled darkly before adding, “Though, you definitely had the right idea with your little act earlier. Sex helps sometimes as an outlet. You know this.”

And she did. She’d used it to lose herself and her sorrow when she had been drowning in her thoughts in Velaris. The males she had taken home who could never quite sate her but were just enough to forget momentarily before she passed out from the alcohol- that was what her outlet had been. For her powers that always threatened to consume her once perfect self-control. For the desire she felt towards a certain General that she was afraid to face. She had told him that, months later when both of their walls had come down a little. He hadn’t judged her for it-only telling her he had once done the same thing after his first war, and that he knew where she was coming from.

She just nodded and he continued.

“But sometimes it can get out of control if we aren’t in the right mindset. It can get,” and he paused before finishing, “rough.”

Nesta let out a startled laugh. She couldn’t believe this.

“You’ve been rough before Cassian,” and she smirked before adding, “and I definitely didn’t mind it then.” Her thoughts drifted to the one time he’d taken her up against the wall in the foyer- and all those shattered picture frames.

“We aren’t humans Nesta. I’m still Fae, even if I’m not High Fae like you. We’re more primal, especially if our emotions aren’t in check. You could get hurt,” he gritted out between clenched teeth. He was losing his patience with her.

Gods above, this was ridiculous. She told him as such, and he just snarled at her.

“Alright. So it might get rough. I don’t care. If aren’t actually in the mood that’s fine. I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to.” And she wouldn’t. If anyone understood consent better, it was Nesta.

“But I don’t think you could ever actually hurt me. So if you want me, and I think you do, I’m here,” she finished her sentence slightly out of breath. Just voicing how much she needed him sent her heart skipping.

He smirked then. A taunting, sinful smile that shouldn’t have promised so much to her.

“Oh I want you sweetheart. Make no mistake,” he purred at her and crept closer until her face was level with his muscled torso. His hand reached up to cup her face and his thumb lightly stroked her cheek.

“I want,” and his fingers drifted over her lips, “and I want” and then they moved down her throat ,“and I want” now her breasts “and I want” he whispered, and his hand settled between her thighs.

“So take. I’m yours,” she whispered. She might regret the admission later. It could be taken to mean more, and it did, Nesta just didn’t want him to know that. She had been his for a long time coming. Really they had been inevitable from the start.

It was all he needed. He grabbed her up by the waist and her threw her back on the bed. She laughed a girlish squeal at the enthusiasm and he sent her a wild grin. Her nightgown was off of her before she’d retained her composure and her lace undergarments were shredded not long after. He pulled at her thighs, pulling them apart and then hefting her legs onto his broad shoulders. The first lick of his tongue between her thighs sent her arching up in pleasure. Her hips bucked up and he splayed a large calloused hand across her navel, pinning her in place. She was losing herself. She was falling and flying at the same time. As he suckled and swirled, before moving up and then down, repeating the entire sequence over and over, she could feel herself coming closer to the edge. He added a finger inside of her, curling up and slowly stroking, so different from the frantic way he was licking her on the outside. Her hands had tangled into his hair and were pulling so hard she was sure his scalp would be sore tomorrow. But the pleasure coursing through her made it difficult for her to think rationally and she just tugged and moaned harder as he continued his assault on her swollen bud.

She came in a wave of euphoria that washed over her, rather than sparking through her and ending too soon. Her hips rode out her high on his tongue, which was still going, until she finally came all the way down. He removed his mouth from her skin, only to reattach further up on the flat of her stomach and then right under the swell of her breasts. He sucked the peak of one and massaged the other with his large hand, swirling his tongue again and again, eliciting all sorts of sounds from her. It was getting embarrassing and she needed to cut him off soon. She pulled his head away from the attention he was giving to her breasts, almost regretfully, and made him look her in the eyes.

“As fun as this has been Commander, I was promised, what was the word?” She pretended to think about it before smirking and reaching upwards.

She traced the edge of his wing with her finger, in a spot she knew he could get hard from right away, before finishing her thought.

“Rough.”

Cassian snarled at her ministrations on his wings and she saw his pupils dilate before he fiercely captured her lips in a searing kiss. She could feel his hardened length through his pants on her stomach, so her hand snuck down and stroked him gently. His hips bucked and he stopped kissing her, looking down between them and what her hand was doing. He let her continue for a little longer, his breathing turning jagged into her neck, before reaching down and gently removing her hand off of him. She whined at the loss of contact. He had made her feel so good with his tongue not too long ago. She only wanted to return the favor.

“I’d let you keep going but then you won’t be enjoying this evening for too much longer,” he explained with a small smile, backing off of her and quickly removing the rest of his clothes.

“Maybe I don’t mind,” she said cheekily.

He barked out a laugh as he removed his final article of clothing. And then he was as bare as she was before each other.

Beautiful. Once again that was her first thought when she saw him in front of her, completely unclothed, no boundaries between them.

The cut of muscles that corded his arms and the swirl of tattoos that danced over them and his chest had her longing for him to pin her under those arms. Feel his hard, warrior’s form atop her. It shouldn’t have made her feel so safe, being under him and completely at his mercy. But it did. She felt like nothing in the world could hurt her when she was that close to Cassian. Because he would protect her. He always had.

He was slow, methodical, in the way he moved across the bed to where she lay on the blankets and his pillows. And then he was hovering above her, so close. They were so close she could feel their breaths mingling and she longed to taste him again. Her hands grasped up and pulled his face down closer, teasing his lips with her own until he growled and snapped his teeth in impatience.

His kisses were ferocious. Her lips felt bruised and she felt as if every fiber in her body was singing for more. More of him.

Cassian. Cassian. Cassian.

She felt him hard again on her abdomen which sent her wrapping her legs behind him and pulling him closer, if that was even possible anymore. “I’m getting tired of all this waiting Cassian. Get to it or leave me alone.”

He arched one brow at her, hazel eyes twinkling in amusement. And then he surged his hips forward, sheathing himself fully. She gasped at the unexpected intrusion, but the sheer fullness of him sent her back arching almost painfully backwards. His hands slid down and steadied her against him, holding her hips in a soft but firm grip. She squirmed against the lack of control her hips had and he grinned before kissing her jaw. Once. Twice.

Then his hips snapped and she lost all sense of reality. He was pounding into her, and she could feel the slamming impact in her hips. It was not gentle, it was hard and lustful and bruising. And she relished in it. They could be soft later. Cauldron knew Cassian would be to make up for how vigorously he was going right now. The sounds coming out of her right this moment would surely make her blush later. Both for how obscene they were and also because it would embarrass her to know Cassian had seen just how unraveled he had made her. No matter that his cries were just as passionate, and joined her in their mutual appreciation of what the other could do to them. No matter that they’d done this so many times now that he knew all the different sounds he could coax out of her. She’d still be furious with herself later for how much she let him see. But that was a problem for later. Right now, he’d grabbed one of her legs from around his hip and lifted it up, up, up until it lay against his shoulders, and this new angle had him hitting a spot deep inside her that felt…

Oh so good…

She came twice before Cassian did. The first time had her moaning his name into his neck. The second time had her screaming it. Cassian had been chanting her name over and over as he came inside her, and she thought she might combust at the knowledge that it was her that had wrecked him so thoroughly.

He was still inside of her and hovering precariously above, as if he were afraid to fall on her. His eyes were furiously scanning her face, and she didn’t have much strength to do anything but gaze back. After he gently removed himself from her she felt so cold at the loss, even though his heated skin was still tightly pressed to hers. He was twirling a few strands of her hair around his fingers, almost transfixed by it, but all Nesta could think about was how heavy he felt pressing on her. Again, it was a good feeling, but it left her wanting more again, so soon.

So when her breath settled in her chest, she locked her still slightly limp legs around his waist and propelled herself up, flipping them.

Now she was settled above him and she had to brace her hands on his chest to steady herself. His hands went up to rest at her waist but he made no further moves. She was in control now.

“Someone’s eager,” he teased, and his fingertips started skimming over her ribs and lower back. 

She scoffed and replied, “Well, someone had to be. You were done after one round. And after all the promises you made too.“ He threw his head back roared with laughter at her quip, and it made her grin to see him so uninhibited.

"Well, I apologize for the delay sweetheart. By all means, please continue.” He removed his hands from her waist and propped them both behind his head, smirking in a way he knew would just piss her off. Waiting.

Bastard. He could be such an arrogant ass sometimes.

Fine. Two could play at that game. She narrowed her eyes at him, all traces of amusement gone. His eyes widened a fraction as he seemed to realize his mistake. She slid down the length of his body and made her way down to his cock. She didn’t give him time to think. With the first brush of her tongue on his tip, he was groaning, and his length was already hardening again. When she took him deeper, almost completely, he cursed aloud.

“Fuck, Nesta,” and his hand, the one he’d so arrogantly pinned beneath his head came down to grip her hair and keep it out of her way. He was gentle. No pulling and twisting like she did with his hair when he put his mouth on her. He had more self control. Or maybe he just didn’t want to hurt her.

She was going faster now, taking him deeper and deeper into her throat just the way she knew he liked it. His scent, his taste, it shouldn’t have been making her as aroused as it was. It made her feel heady. It made her reckless. She let her teeth scrape a little as she pulled away before going back down, and he hissed and then moaned at the sensation.

“Nesta, I’m so-” he ground out, unable to finish the thought. He didn’t need to- she knew he wanted her to stop. Replace her mouth with herself instead. And she needed him inside her too, so she did.

Too bad, she thought. She did miss tasting him when he finished in her mouth. With the males in Velaris, she wasn’t too keen on taking them in her mouth, and definitely not at all at letting them finish there. She did sometimes if they asked, hating the taste, the smell, the entire feeling of it. But Cassian wasn’t like those other males. As she moved back to her original position of straddling him, she realized there was probably nothing about Cassian that she couldn’t like.

Her palms assumed the same spot on his chest as she carefully lowered herself onto his length. She took him deeper, whimpering slightly at how stretched and full she felt. She had had many males before Cassian, but he was the largest ever, and she always needed time to adjust for his size in this position. His hands came back up to hold her by the waist and as she rolled her hips slowly, their grip tightened. Slowly she took him deep inside and gasped at the wicked pleasure that took over her body. Her head threw back as she rode him, breathy moans escaping her lips which were indefinitely parted in an “o.”

He let her ride him a little longer, enjoying how it felt, groaning along with her pants, before taking matters into his own hands. Literally. His grip on her hips changed and he was thrusting up to meet her when she came down. He moved her hips in a rolling motion that took him deeper and then moved off, only to slam him back inside her. And he was fast. His pace so much more energized compared to her slow, careful movements, and she almost lost her bearing. She moved her hands off of his chest to grip his forearms instead, deciding that it was definitely the smarter choice to hang onto with the speed at which he was fucking her. As he slammed up into her again, she cried out his name and her nails dug into his arm, surely leaving half moons behind. She tried to loosen her grip but she so close and Cassian was not slowing down anytime soon.

They were a symphony.

Push and pull.

Thrust and arch.

Scream and moan.

She felt him twitch inside her and she felt release closely at the base of her spine. He jerked his torso up and faced her, still moving them both closer to the edge. He kissed her, hard, and her cries were muffled by it. She grabbed at him, pulling him closer until their chests were touching and one of his hands reached up to caress her breast. His hips were still undulating under hers and his free hand was still aiding her in lifting her off of him and then back down.

Release came upon her unexpectedly. He had shifted under her slightly to adjust them both, and had stroked her nub just so, that it sent her careening over into…

“Cassian,” she gasped, and she frantically grasped at his wings, touching that spot, bringing him to come right with her. She rode him through both of their climaxes until finally resting her head on his shoulder. She could barely keep upright but Cassian’s hold on her was steady, even if his breathing was just as ragged as hers. His hand came up and slowly stroked her head, and he pressed soft kisses into the side of her face and down to her shoulders, murmuring praises every once in a while.

She didn’t want him to stop. The sweet kisses that he had planted on her skin, the ones that were slowly but surely turning feverish with desire. She wanted him to keep going until there was no part of her that was untouched by him. She wanted him to unravel her like a thread, pulling all the way until she was completely unbound. She wanted to pick him apart and put pieces of herself back together with him. Like a puzzle. That was certainly one way to describe their relationship. She wanted everything of him and wanted to give all of herself away as well.

Perhaps that wasn’t wise. To want someone so much and be completely ready to destroy oneself in them. But Cassian had a way of making her reckless. And with time in these mountains, she had learned to welcome this new Nesta that was less inhibited. The one who looked forward to flying in the skies at heights that used to make her queasy, safely tucked away in his arms. The female who woke him up for training, and even handed him his ass sometimes, making a show of it for everyone watching them spar, instead of hiding herself away from the world. That Nesta was currently wondering what plans he had for her next, because tired as she was, she’d asked him to play. And from the way he was nipping at her skin now, luckily for her, he clearly planned to follow through.

“Tired?” he asked her while his nose skimmed the length of her jaw. It wasn’t teasing. He was asking if she needed to stop. He always did- just in case. She rarely ever said yes though, even when she was completely spent, even though she usually was lying each time. He probably knew too but he never questioned it further.

She shook her head and decided to play with his ego a little. “How could I be tired? I haven’t done anything tiring at all.” She was definitely still panting from the previous exertion, but the words hit their mark.

He snapped his head back from her throat and glared at her. She almost laughed but bit her lip instead. Sometimes it was too easy to rile him up.

“Really?” he snarled.

“Really,” she told him matter-of-factly. Then she pasted on a saccharine smile that would get his blood boiling. If Nesta with stinging retorts worked Cassian into a fit, Nesta with a fake smile and mocking retorts had him fuming.

He breathed in deeply before flashing her a feral grin and asking, “Well then we should fix that shouldn’t we? Properly tire you out so you can sleep better.“

She purred, "Mmm….yes. I think I’d like that,” and pulled closer to his face to kiss him. Only to have him stop her short with a hand on her shoulder. Her face must have shown her confusion but he didn’t explain further. He just hefted her up by the hips and set her off of his lap. She wasn’t sure where this was going. She was facing the pillows and he was turned in the opposite direction. Their thighs were touching but he wasn’t even looking at her. She tentatively reached out a hand to…what? What was she going to do? His entire demeanor had changed. His hand circled her wrist gently and then placed it back down in her lap, again not looking at her.

“Um, Cassian?” She didn’t know what to do. She was naked, Mother above, and he seemed to have promised her another round, only to stop all of her advances.

His eyes slid towards her and he nodded his head, telling her to go on.

“Uh, what are you doing? You seem…preoccupied” she finished lamely. She felt hot. The blanket was nowhere near them and she wasn’t even clothed. But it was too hot under his gaze that was slowly traveling down her body and then slowly back up, resting on her breasts a little longer than she thought he had the nerve to do. She was squirming slightly under the scrutiny and also because he was just as naked as her and sitting so close their skin was still touching.

“I’m thinking about if I should put a glamour on the room.”

“Why?”

Why aren’t you fucking me yet? was what she actually wanted to ask, but she reigned it in. No need to sound so worked up…yet.

He looked towards the window to the side of the room. “I’m trying to figure out if the sentries down the street will hear you scream. I can’t hear them from here but they aren’t making as much noise as you’re about to,” he explained.

Shock. That was all that registered at his words. Her eyes widened and her lips parted as she took in a sharp breath. He hadn’t even batted an eye as he had said his inflammatory words. Her mouth felt dry and she swallowed much too loudly for him to ignore. He looked at her again, and this time a lascivious smile curved his lips.

“I…I think it’s…um, fine,” she was tripping over her tongue. He hadn’t even said anything that lewd. He’d said dirtier things to her, even before they’d been…well whatever they were. And she hadn’t even blinked those times. But this? The promise of how he’d make her scream. It made her toes curl.

“I agree,” he told her, and then nodded his head behind him, “Get on all fours.”

This wasn’t Cassian’s voice anymore. This was the Commander. It was the same tone he used when training soldiers. When he didn’t take nonsense from anyone he was working with. This was the voice that led legions. It didn’t give any room for debate. She had after all asked the Commander to come play with her.

Wish granted, Nesta.

She’d never been taken from behind. It felt strangely vulnerable. Although one could argue that having a person inside of you and having them face you is definitely more vulnerable. All these thoughts raced in her head and she realized when Cassian turned his head to better look at her, she hadn’t moved.

She licked her lips in apprehension. She didn’t know what to do. All those males in Velaris and she had never once had them like this. Or rather, they’d never had her like that. She was usually on top, able to set the pace and most of all, in control. She started to explain, “I’ve never-”

“That’s fine. I just realized. If you’re not comfortable, we don’t have to. But I think you might like it if you try. I’ve been told,” he added with a cocky grin, “it hits a particularly deep spot.”

Well then. She didn’t want to think about other females he had this way and which ones had told him about a deep spot. She knew it wasn’t fair to be bothered by his past lovers. She’d been with many males too and he never asked about them. In fact, he seemed to make a point not to ask- for his sake or hers, she never knew.

“I don’t know what to do,” she admitted.

“Do you trust me?”

She didn’t even think before she told him she did. He smiled slightly when she said that. Of course she trusted him. She was pretty sure that there was no one else in the world that she trusted more than him. Not even her sisters.

“Then trust me. You don’t have to do anything,” and he was pulling her further up the bed then. He moved her by the shoulders until she was sitting with her legs under her, and then he came up behind her. She could feel the heat coming off of him, warming her back, and giving her a solid presence behind her. He grazed his hands up her sides before settling on her neck, slowly massaging at the base in slow circles. A small moan escaped her lips and his mouth lowered down and kissed the crevice between her neck and shoulders. Then, he gently pushed her forward, until she was bent at the waist and her hands pressed into the bed.

“If your hands get tired, go down on your elbows.” He kissed a slow path from the top of her back down the ridges of her spine, and as he moved lower and lower she could feel herself getting wetter. He stopped at the base of her spine and lightly bit the side of her hip, pushing her legs apart with his own. He steadied his hands on her hips before slowly sliding his cock through her folds, not yet entering her. She mewled at the sensation and pushed further back into him, only to have his hands tighten down on her, resisting her advances. She made a sound of protest in the back of her throat.

He chuckled darkly before addressing her, “So impatient today, aren’t we?” She hissed as he aligned himself at her entrance, but again, ceased moving any further, pushing her patience to its limits.

“Gods your so wet, Nesta,” he groaned and slightly pushed forward into her, only to pull back out, teasing her further. She was going to scream. She was going to kill the bat. She was-

Suddenly he was moving forward, pressing his muscles chest down on her back, whispering in her ear, “So, so wet Nesta. So ready for me, aren’t you sweetheart?”

She made a keening sound that made a part of her scream internally at herself. Why do you make yourself so obvious, Nesta? But that other part of her- that primal Fae part of her- that one was enjoying this little act of Cassian’s. That one wanted to let him fuck her senselessly, and beg as much as possible until he did. Shameless. Her Fae instincts made her utterly shameless when it came to Cassian. She was too willing to give up all her perfect control for him- to him.

“What do you want?”

She didn’t answer.

“If you don’t tell me Nesta I can’t keep going. You want me to fuck you? I will. But you have to ask.” She could hear the smirk in his voice, even without facing him. Arrogant ass indeed. He knew she was at the edge of her limits with how much he had teased her. And now he wanted her to ask? To beg? No.

She turned her head to look behind her. She couldn’t see much but when she caught his gaze she scowled, and snarled, “I will not, Commander. Feel free to leave if you don’t know what you’re doing. I don’t have many expectations from you anyways, regardless of how you’ve puffed yourself up in this moment.”

He laughed into her hair and then pulled back completely. She missed his warmth that had been pressed against her as soon as she lost it.

“One more time Nes. What. Do. You. Want?”

“Nothing,” she bit out.

Yes nothing at all. I just want you to fuck me so hard into this mattress that I can’t leave till the next morning. Nothing more.

She heard a hitch in his breathing and the grip on her hips tightened to almost bruising.

“Into the mattress, sweetheart? I’ll try my best.”

How had he heard-

Cassian thrust forward, seating himself to the hilt inside of her and she screamed. So deep. He was so deep inside of her, and she had never felt so stretched. It felt heavenly.

His pace was unmatched. The way his hips snapped, she could do little except grip the sheets in front of her into a twisted mess. After her second climax he slowed down, letting her oversensitive body come down from its high. It was too much. She had sobbed through her second time because it felt so damn good but it was too damn much. “Deep spot” indeed- Nesta was going to combust. She got used to this new position quickly and when he had slowed, she learned to press her rear back as he pushed forward, taking him even deeper and making them groan in unison.

Right before her fourth and final climax, her hands had indeed gotten tired and she had needed to press onto her elbows then. One of his hands came down to circle her neck, thumb stroking up and down her pulse point, and the combination of the sheer possession in that motion, as well as how hard he was pumping in and out of her, threw her violently into an orgasm that had her screaming his name into the sheets. Not long after, he was spilling himself inside her, and he roared his release in the form of her name. Over and over again.

Nesta. Nesta. Nesta.

He collapsed soon after, lying right next to her. She turned her head towards him, and saw his chest heaving up and down with his breathing. He was just as tired as she was. Good. Serves him right for how he’d teased her. She was still on her stomach and he was on his back next to her, the only point of contact being the back of his palm lightly resting on the outer edge of her thigh- barely though. She wanted him to close his entire hand around her thigh. Keep it there through the night. Brazen. She was becoming too bold in Cassian’s company.

Her eyes were closed now but she was very much awake. Just too spent to move. And fine, maybe she didn’t want to move either. She felt the bed dip and heard him rustle forward, before grabbing for the furs at the end of the bed and covering her. He didn’t hold her, in fact he made it a point not to touch her. He went to the right side of the bed and she counted out the time between his breaths until they became an even pattern. She debated leaving. There might be implications if she stayed in his bed, especially through the entire night. But then she was yawning again and his sheets were so soft…

~*~

She woke up to his wing curled under her, and his muscled form providing a warm presence behind her. His free wing was covering them both over the layer of blankets. She was too hot, what with the heavy blankets, his wings, and Cassian emanating heat onto her skin- and yet she didn’t mind it one bit. She craved it. She could stay here forever she realized with stunning clarity. Stay in his arms, which sometime through the night had come to wrap one around her torso and the other across her chest. So she closed her eyes, content for now to just be, and went back to her unfinished dreams of hazel eyes and bold, beautiful wings.

The next time she woke up properly, it was afternoon. Cassian was still in bed with her, but awake this time. His fingertips lightly traced over her shoulder, down her back, circled around the base of her spine, and then moved back up achingly slow. As he continued tracing new patterns into her skin, she settled backwards just a fraction, and it was invitation enough. The arm braced under her head that had snaked over her breasts and rested on her ribs, tightened, and he pulled her closer into him.

She sighed in contentment. She could get used to this. Falling asleep in his arms. Waking up in his arms. Cautiously she raised her fingers to do some tracing of her own. His tattoos had enraptured her from the first moment she’d seen him without a shirt. As a human, she’d only seen the licks of black ink around his neck where his shirt opened at the top. When she turned Fae though, when Feyre was still acting as spy in Tamlin’s estate, he would come up to the House of Wind where her and Elain were staying. Sometimes, him and Azriel trained in the sparring rooms, and try as she might to ignore it, curiosity struck one day and she had left her book and investigated. They were doing hand-to-hand combat, panting and grunting with each move, covered in sweat that she knew had been worked up for the past two hours of them training. She really did try not to look at glistening brown skin and the black tendrils of his markings as the two Illyrian males danced around each other. Or to follow the bead of sweat that ran down his exquisitely chiseled chest and abdomen, into an area lower that she had never seen before- of any man or male’s. And in that moment, she realized she wanted him. Perhaps not yet with her heart, but she couldn’t deny her attraction to him. Of course it was at that moment Cassian looked away from Azriel’s fists and towards her, who was very obviously looking at his half naked body. 

He had given her a wicked grin and teased, “Enjoying the view Nesta?“

She had scowled and hissed back, "Go to hell, bat.” Before he could reply or continue shaming her for doing exactly what he said she had been doing, she stormed off and made it a point to never watch him during training again. At least, not when he could find out.

“You could get some, you know?” he now murmured into her hair, his fingers still dancing across her skin.

“Get what?”

“The markings. You could get some too if you wanted,” he explained. Then with a teasing lilt that she had come to know as being wholly Cassian’s, he added, “I know you’ve been eyeing mine for some time now.”

She scoffed, “I have not. Not everyone is enamored with you as much as you are with yourself.”

“I didn’t say anything about enamored. You did. I was talking about the markings.” He let out a low chuckle before cooing, “So how long have you been, enamored with me sweetheart?”

Forever.

“Go to hell, bat,” she sweetly retorted.

His laugh rumbled through his chest and into her body that was pressed up in front of him. It warmed her heart to hear it. He was always so carefree with his feelings. If it was funny, he laughed. If he wanted to smile, he did. If he was hurt, he cried. Speaking of hurt…

“Are you feeling better today? About yesterday…” she trailed off.

He didn’t reply right away, content to keep stroking circles over her ribs with his thumb.

“Yes. I’m sorry if I upset you. I needed a day to process everything and now I have. And I’m fine,” he pressed a soft kiss to her cheek before going on, “but thank you for asking.”

“You didn’t upset me,” she assured him, but then admitted,“ I was worried though. You were so quiet. You’re never quiet.” Not like me. I don’t want you to be like me.

“I didn’t want to say something to you that I wouldn’t mean, when it wasn’t you I was angry with. I thought it best to calm down a little bit before finding you. Of course you had other ideas,” he laughed quietly and nipped at the pointed ends of her ear.

“I always do. And my ideas are better than yours. You shouldn’t sulk when you get upset. You should-”

“So not like you?” he cut her off.

She turned her head slightly behind her to face him, and gave him a withering glare. “I do not sulk. I do not lock myself into my study and refuse to listen to help.”

“Gods no. No, you’re more content to seethe in silence and then snap at anyone who bothers you too much,” he said laughingly.

She opened her mouth to protest, even though he was right, but he smothered it away by crushing his lips to hers. He tasted like her. The thought activated some primal part of her brain that relished in the thought. Mine. He’s mine.

He seemed to have a similar idea when his hand moved over her breasts, giving a squeeze that left her keening, and then settling to wrap around her neck. So possessive he could be. Not that she was any better. She took a secret pride in the nail marks she’d leave on his back above his wings, especially when he went out to train and took off his tunic, showing them off.

His free hand that had settled earlier on her waist moved lower. Lower. Lower. And then he was settled right at the apex of thighs, dangerously close to the ache she needed relieved.

“Oh…Cass…,” she hated the whine in her voice. She hated that he smirked at her before kissing her thoroughly, fully aware of how he was affecting her. The heady scent of her arousal and his filled the room, and she could feel him hard and ready to go pressed against her backside. He shifted his hips slightly and the little friction she got from it had her crying out for more.

His fingertips swirled around her swollen bud with just enough pressure to make her wetter, but nothing more. She ground her hips forward, craving some form of release to the desire that had pooled in her core, and the prick moved his hand away.

She let out another cry, this one of frustration, “Fuck you Cassian.“

"Gladly.”

He let out a dark, sensuous laugh that skittered over her bare skin, and when he latched his mouth onto her breasts, she thought she would pass out from the sheer pleasure. His fingers had returned between her legs and while his thumb circled in taunting circles, he added two fingers inside of her and curled up, stroking at just the right pace. She was mewling lushly until he silenced those sounds with his wicked tongue.

He broke off their kiss and asked, fingers still working inside her, “What do you want?” He’d asked the same thing the night before. She didn’t want to give in, but she needed him inside of her, sooner rather than later.

“I can play nice if you tell me what we’re doing. I can play sweetheart, but I have to know what you need.”

She needed…

“You,” she managed to choke out as he added a third finger.

“I’m sorry what was that? I couldn’t quite understand. I’m afraid I’ll have to cut our time short if you don’t make yourself clearer.” And then he slowly removed his fingers from her. She let out another small scream in anger, but it only seemed to spur his teasing further. At least that’s what she assumed he was doing when he took those fingers and put them in mouth, licking up the taste of her on his hand. If it was possible, she grew even wetter.

“You taste so good, Nesta,” he moaned. And that was it. Her control snapped. If he wanted to tease her, fine. She’d just need to make him regret that.

She smirked and shifted slightly to better face him, before grabbing those same fingers and placing them to her mouth. She swirled her tongue over the tips before taking them between her lips, running her tongue down the length of them, sucking lightly, and Cassian’s gaze turned feral. When his eyes stopped widening in shock, she let him go with a pop.

“Pay attention because I’ll only say this once. I know I taste good. I don’t need you to tell me that. I do however need you inside of me right now and you better make it good considering how much you keep messing around. You’re going to fuck me until I can’t walk tomorrow. And then you’re going to do it one more time just because I asked. Is that clear enough for you, Commander?” she finished with a growl.

He blinked. Once. Twice. Then he gave her a wolfish grin before plunging his cock into her. And so they began again, after mere hours of having had each other. It would never be enough she realized. She would never be sated from him. They both groaned as he lifted her leg up and pulled her apart wider, giving him more access to enter her deeper from the side. The hand wrapped around her neck lightly pushed her head to the side and he burrowed his face into the hollow of her throat, kissing the sensitive flesh, and her arm automatically went behind her to grasp his head. She wrapped her palm around the back of his neck for some, any purchase, as he continued his assault with his lips and teeth on her neck, hips still furiously thrusting into her.

She was too close, much too close, because he’d worked her up too much.

“Slow,” she gasped out. “Slower Cassian.”

“Really? You’re so close though,” he crooned. How he knew…she didn’t want to think about why that was.

“Hmm yes. Slow down. I want…,” she fumbled for the right words as he slowed his long, deep thrusts to a shallower motion. A rocking motion. They were rolling their hips into each other, grinding really, and the sensation, Mother above. It was just as pleasurable as before, but more tame. She preferred the idea of coming with him like this, so closely joined with not enough room for even paper between their sweat slicked bodies.

He gasped as she arched backwards into him, and she knew he’d come soon. He seemed to realize this too, and how Nesta was farther away from her climax now. She had wanted to come together this time, to somehow make-up for how generous a lover he was, making her call his name at least a few times before giving into his own release. Always putting her needs above his own. The hand that had been hefting her top leg up, moved to rest her foot on his thigh- a strange position but it opened her legs up even wider. He licked his two fingers before placing them on the bundle of nerves between her thighs that had been pleading for attention. He knew just how to touch her- his fingers carefully rolling her bud, his cock slowly sliding in and out of her, and the hand encircling her throat moving up to slip his thumb between her lips, letting her suck and swirl just how she would have done if it were his cock instead.

“Watch,” he commanded her. Her lips parted releasing his thumb as she looked down to where he was looking. Where they were joined.

“Watch me fuck you, Nesta. Look at how good you take my cock sweetheart,” he purred.

It was obscene the sounds they were making- the scent of sex filling up the room. And Mother above it was crude-the things he was whispering in her ear, about how tight she was, how wet she was, how much he loved being inside her. All she could do was moan louder and louder as his decadently filthy words fueled her desire for him, bringing her closer to the edge upon which he was waiting for her to fall over with him. When they came together, each chanting the other’s name like prayers to a deity, it was soul shattering. She felt it then. A tug in her chest, and at the end, him.

He didn’t give any inclination to her that he had felt that tether between them strengthen, but she knew he must have. Which was fine by Nesta. She wasn’t ready for that conversation just yet. She focused on calming her rapid breath first, calming down the thunderous beat of her heart as she came down from her high. They were still completely entangled with each other. Arms crossing over, legs intertwined, no limb of hers that wasn’t somehow twisted around his. And she was fine with that too. She didn’t want to leave him just yet.

He moved first, extricating himself from her still limp form, pressing a chaste kiss to her forehead and jaw before leaving the bed. She followed his naked form with hooded eyes, as he went to shower. She could join him. He’d let her. But they hadn’t done that before and she wasn’t going to be the first one to initiate something so intimate. She needed to bathe though. The remnants of their night and just now were still in the bed, still on her skin, still inside of her- one of them would need to change the sheets later.

Soon, she heard the water turn off and she grabbed his shirt from the floor and quickly threw it on. Gods knew where her own clothes lay from when Cassian had practically ripped them off of her. He was drying his hair with a towel when she walked into the now empty shower. She paid him no mind, even when he stopped his toweling to stare at her naked form through the glass doors. When she continued to ignore his ogling, he sighed impatiently and left the bathroom. She huffed a quiet laugh to herself- sensitive Illyrian baby.

And so that was how it began. She stayed in his bed that same night too. After he took his fill of her, she claimed exhaustion again and fell asleep curled into his side. And so this was also how it progressed.

First it was reading. She would read on his bed during the afternoons when he was running extra training sessions. He would find her on her stomach, both feet dangling in the air, sometimes swinging up and down when she got to a particularly smutty scene. He would never join her before bathing, but as he gathered his towels and soaps, he would steal a few extra moments to stare at the simplicity of it all. How natural she looked, lounging there among his sheets, which had now begun to hold her scent along with his. When he was done, he’d sometimes enter the room in just a towel, and her book would lay forgotten while she snapped the towel off of him and rode him hard. Other times he’d come fully dressed and lay down beside her, eyes closed, legs crossed, an arm thrown behind his head- the picture of serene calm. This was Cassian. Not the Commander. Not the Lord of Bloodshed. Just Cassian enjoying a small nap before getting up to prepare dinner alongside his… what was she to him? 

Others in the camp certainly had their ideas them. Some were more spot on than others. More than once Cassian had been asked about his “wife” and “how is she doing.” He didn’t know she was only a few feet behind him the first time he was asked that and she took a secret delight in how red he got as he stammered out that he didn’t have a wife. But the Illyrians paid him no mind. She was his female, if she wasn’t anything more, and after it came into realization, she was treated with respect- albeit grudgingly. No one wanted to risk the wrath of the Commander when it came to Nesta. Not that Nesta would ever go and complain about testy Illyrians to Cassian but-

“What do you want for dinner?” he asked her, interrupting her thoughts.

“Whatever you make, I’ll eat. I’m not hungry right now,” she told him, eyes never straying off the pages of her novel. It was at a…particularly scintillating scene and it took Nesta all of her resolve to not imagine the male in the book being Cassian and the female he was making love to being her.

He made a sound of assent before his eyes shuttered again and he looked to be on the cusp of sleep. His hair was unbound and before she knew what she was doing her fingers had strayed over to comb them back from his cheek. He stiffened at her touch but kept his eyes shut, his breathing the only telltale sign that he was alert now. She continued stroking the silk strands lightly, nails slightly scraping his scalp, and soon enough he was purring under her hand. Before she knew what to do, he was moving, his large palms sliding up her waist and settling under her ribs. He pulled her close and burrowed his head between her breasts, nuzzling them softly before settling down and resuming his supposed nap. She didn’t move for a few moments- didn’t know how to process this intimacy. Her instincts won out over her apprehension, and she resumed stroking his slightly damp hair that had begun to curl softly, settling one of her legs over his hips, pulling him closer as well. That was how they fell asleep, plans of dinner left forgotten, completely entwined with each other’s bodies as their hearts were entwined with their souls.

And from that day on, Nesta did not need to use sex as a reason to stay the night in Cassian’s bed- her bed now. No, as the Rite came closer and trainings grew more rigorous, Cassian came home later and later- and each night, he found Nesta in their bed, long asleep even though she did try to stay up and wait for him. He would silently climb in beside her, and wrap an arm around her waist before settling in against her back, breathing in her scent before succumbing to a peaceful sleep he hadn’t had in centuries before Nesta came into his life.

Sometimes he would awaken to her hand holding the one he slid under her head. Other times she would have climbed over him, wrapping herself so tightly to him, he knew this was where he would be content to die. Sometimes she woke up if he made too much noise and they would make slow and sweet love under the covers. And sometimes she woke him up, with her wicked tongue on his- no, their- favorite part.

But always, always, she was there. Waiting for him- her love and open arms ready to encompass him and his heart each and every time he returned to her.