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In the dark bedroom, the sound of padded feet nearing, followed by a gentle give of the mattress and rustling of bedsheets caused Amy to turn over towards her fiancé who just settled down beside her.
“Is he asleep?” Amy asked softly.
“Mm yeah, he just needed a cuddle. He’s fine.” Jonah whispered back. A relaxing yawn escape his lips.
“I think I need a cuddle too,” drawing closer, Amy reached across and nestled into Jonah’s inviting arms.
Both knew the other was smiling sleepily into the darkness.
Amy languished in these moments. When everything was still. The moment right before her mind would drift off to dreamland. When she could savour the warmth and security of him enveloping her. His natural scent mixed with toothpaste and soap. And the only sound was him inhaling and exhaling like a distant seashore.
She was in love. Jonah was it. Through all the years of struggling to finally come together and just know, that gave her peace unlike anything she’s ever felt. The universe had righted itself and no matter what happened in the future, they would face it as a team.
She still marvelled at how seamless he returned to the family fold. Without any hesitation, he fell right back into place as a Parker’s co-guardian, soon to be step father and Emma’s confidant. It was like he never left. It’s where he belonged. It was his natural habitat. Amy’s imagination blossomed creating an alternative world where he was Parker’s real dad. And Parker would inherit all of Jonah’s best qualities. His sense of humour, his kindness and his unwavering outlook on life to find beauty in everything. She even fantasized that her son would grow up and look like Jonah. Of course that was ridiculous. Parker already resembled Adam in so many ways.
On this particular night, a familiar pang of regret also appeared before sleep claimed her. Motherhood was thrust upon her twice, and she, for a long time, felt a hidden resentment towards that obligation. The resentment held fast even after Parker’s birth. She was determined to take control of what she could. An IUD was the best solution at the time. Back then, she was exhausted and an unexpected pregnancy would not be her default anymore. Sure, she was in a new and loving relationship with Jonah but she was certain he would understand her decision once she told him. That was the plan. So it frustrated her when she continued to avoid the topic of more children whenever it threatened to resurface. He was completely clueless up until the unavoidable discussion came to ahead one day. He pleaded to talk about it. If they were ever going to have an equal and openly communicative relationship they needed get on with it. The elephant in the room was making a mess of things and she had every opportunity to stop it.
“I should have told you before, but I got an IUD because I don’t want to get pregnant again.” She blurted out. He stuttered after that and processed the news silently like a hard to swallow pill.
Ultimately, he said he did understand and supported her decision but she could see his disappointment despite what he tried to outwardly display. He wanted to please her so desperately, that he would sacrifice his own personal desires, hopes and dreams for her happiness. Damn him.
But plans can change. Dreams can be reimagined, life’s choices can evolve and IUDs can be removed.
Now, as she lay snuggled in his arms, she had the overwhelming feeling to wake him up and declare how much she wanted to have another baby. His baby. Someone who will be half of him. Because the world needs more Jonah Simms DNA. She felt empowered while laying in the darkness. Drinking his is scent, she began her dream of a new little hand gripping onto his finger as he swayed his baby to sleep.