Chapter Text
he checked the calendar on the dim glow of his phone, a sinking feeling growing in the pit of his stomach, and looked at the date he dreaded each year. it really was his birthday, and he wished he just slept until the next dawn, skipped today like you would a page in a book. sighing, he put down his phone and pushed his head into his pillow, if he had to deal with today, he’d deal with it later. it was his birthday, after all, and he’d treat himself to five more minutes (it’d probably be the only good thing to happen today).
unfortunately, the universe didn't even allow him the smallest of respites, and he heard a deep voice call to him from the floor below him.
"come down tommy, if you don't hurry you'll miss the bus!"
through bleary eyes, he haphazardly got dressed in a t-shirt and pants he left lying on his chair, combing a hand through his blonde locks as he descended the stairs
grabbing a blueberry muffin from the cuboard, he sat down at the kitchen table and tried not to fall asleep there and then. wilbur was the only one in the kitchen, techno had probably already headed off to his early morning college classes, and phil went to work a few hours before they woke up. wilbur noticed the breakfast in his younger brothers hands and smiled teasingly.
"wow, our tommy actually eating breakfast, whats the occasion?"
his heart panged at the innocent comment, and the pit of nausea only grew.
(why would he remember? he didn't remember last year, only giving him a rushed apology that eveningwhen tubbo came around with a cupcake and a candle because he hadn't seen tommy during the school day)
he simply huffed in response, chewing on the muffin,and wilbur let out an amused puff of air as he left to pit on his coat andget out his car keys.
"oh, almost forgot to mention, i'll be out with niki and jack later, so you'll be home alone when you come back from school. there's some leftovers in the fridge you can reheat for dinner if you want. see you later tommy"
he didn't even have time to respond as his older brother left through the door, hearing a car start a minute later. take out alone, what a 𝑔𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡 way to spend his birthday.
tommy grabbed his schoolbag and bus fare after finishing his muffin, the dull ache of hurt in his chest steady, one true annual constant.
classes were a blur. he probably should've been paying attention, but he couldn't bring himself to care what thirteen to the power of four was any more then he could anything else. safe to say, no knowledge was retained in his mind whatsoever. (he should've been paying attention. maybe if he actually did something to remember, he wouldn't be forgotten so easily)
he was sat alone, the seats next to him remained empty, and he curled into himself, trying to block out the rest of the hall. whats the point of being in a crowd when he felt just as isolated as he did with noone there?
he looked down at his lunch, a ham sandwich in his pale hands. it was an average sandwich, nothing special, nothing remotely noteworthy.
(𝑓𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔, a voice whispered)
tommy knew he was just trying to distract himself. being alone wasn't his strong suit. normally tubbo would be next to him, but his friend was on a trip with his family in spain -he ignored the feeling of jealousy bubbling in his mind- and he wouldn't be back until the week was over, so alone he remained. that was a trend these days.
he shook his head, aware this train of thought was only making his day worse, and tried to focus on the meagre sandwich in his hands (when did they start shaking?)
he wasn't happy when the bell rang, but he felt something akin to relief at least, a distraction in the work he couldn't understand presented by people who expected him to, able to fall into frustration with a problem and not with the disconnect between him and everyone else. was it selfish to want what his best friendhad? to be wanted, to be valued, to have someone tell him he's worth something and actually mean it?
(if he was, someone would have talked to him, said happy birthday, done something that wasn't leaving him 𝑎𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑒)
he blinked and shook himself out of his thoughts, gathering his things and leaving for his next lesson. geography, how fun. even more fun when every location reminded him of a game played by a brother who long stopped caring.
tommy found himself at home fairly quickly, mind drifting to a place better then this one, but ultinately getting pulled back once the bell rang for the end of the school day. the walk home was slow, nothing good waiting for him, so he saw no point in rushing.
unlocking the door, he entered the empty house and immediately went up to his room, collapsing onto the bed. the leftovers would probably end up forgotten, less favourable then losing himself to the unconscious corners of his mind. it wasn't healthy to skip meals, but he could eat tommorow, when the world didn't feel so crushing, so suffocating. the weight in his chest pushed him further into the soft surface, and he was close to relief in sleep when his phone buzzed.
𝐛𝐢𝐠 𝐭
𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐛𝐨𝐬𝐝𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐦𝐝 𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲, 𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐟 𝐚 𝐜𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐮𝐫𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐫𝐧 𝐢 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐯𝐚𝐜𝐤, 𝐢𝐝𝐤 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐮 𝐬𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐡𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 :D
the message should've made him feel warm, glad someone remembered, but it just reminded him how far he was from anyone who actually cared, how isolated he was, alone, 𝑎𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑒, 𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆-
he felt hot, wet tears slowly slide down his cheeks as he curled into himself, the ache swallowing him whole as he drowned in the stress and fell into unconsciousness