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Dreams. What are dreams?
Some people may think that it’s all about fantasies. Another world where anything and everything is possible. For some, they hated it. It’s just a fake world anyway. It’s not the reality, so why care?
For Huening Kai, it was different. It was his escape. A beautiful free world that he uses to escape. To escape what? The vile truth of reality.
Another normal day for a college student. Online classes, the only stupid reason why Huening Kai wakes up. He gets up at 6 am to prepare and skips his breakfast, as always. He didn't really care about the required “3 meals a day” food intake because who does? Haha maybe everybody does.
He proceeds with his day. Trying to survive this setup just like any other student. Usually, he would just listen to the discussions and shut up for the whole session. But thank the universe, it was his lucky day. For some reason, his professors started calling him for recitations, not that he doesn't know the answer. He is actually a very intelligent and diligent student. One of the top students in his class. But interacting and talking was his least favorite thing to do.
His class ended a bit later than usual. His eyes were so close to shutting down. His headache didn't help either. Everything was a mess. His life was a mess too but he already knows that. So, he decided to take a rest first and do his unfinished work later.
He saw a man standing, watching the sun beautifully set. But nothing is more beautiful than the man itself. The man felt his presence, turned back to look at him, and smiled. He wondered if a person ever smiled that cutely before. Maybe he is an angel, not a person, he thought.
“Hi” he whispered shyly.
“Hey Kai, you're back.”
It was not his first time meeting the “beautiful” man. They've met a few times already. In different places and in different situations. One time they met at a coffee shop. That was their first meeting. The said man was bawling his eyes out because of a stupid boy who decided to cheat on him. He decided that he didn't like the sight of seeing him cry and promised to make him smile forever.
“Did you miss me?” he asked.
“Of course I did, but I was surprised that you're back earlier than usual. Everything okay?” the man had asked back.
“Just… had a bad day.” He smiled bitterly.
“Looking at you right now, I think it was a pretty bad day.” He then grabbed Huening Kai's hands.
To his surprise, they stopped in front of an ice cream shop.
“Okay… so what are we doing here?” he laughed.
“What do you mean? Of course, we're getting ice cream!” the man explained.
Cute.
“But Hyung, only childish people like ice cream.” He said instead.
“Whatdoyou- You know what? I don't care! We're getting ice cream. End of discussion.” The man proceeds to order 2 scoops of ice cream.
“Oh, I'm sorry… I ordered only mint chocolate… I forgot to ask you.” The man said, lips forming into a pout.
He was confused. What's there to be sad about? “You're a mint chocolate lover too?” He squealed in excitement.
The man's face brightened up. “Of course I am!”.
The two boys happily ate their ice cream together.
They didn't notice the time. It was already night. What's there to care about when you're already having the best time of your life?
The man suddenly spoke, “Kai, I think you should go back.” He gave a sad smile.
I wish I could just stay here with you.
“Yeah… I think I should.” He replied.
“Did you have fun? I hope the ice cream cheered you up” the man added.
“I did Hyung, that's why I wanted to thank you. For always being here to make me smile.” He confessed.
“It was nothing, really.”
Before he could even pamper the man with more thank you's he was back again.
Back again in the same room, the same setting, the same reality. I woke up, he thought.
He woke up. It was all a dream.
He stood up and started working on his stuff. He finished all his work at almost 11 pm. He then decided to watch some movies to help him fall asleep. He never liked watching movies anyway, it was just a boring thing to waste his time.
He was surprised. He's now in a movie theater. He wondered why he was here holding 1 bucket of popcorn and 2 cups of cola.
“Kai!!!” a familiar voice called his name.
He can't help but smile. He was too weak for that voice. He felt someone cling to his arm and drag him to a seat. They both shared the popcorn and peacefully watched the movie. Okay, maybe peacefully was the wrong word for that. Every time the ghost shows up, the man clings more to him.
Maybe watching a movie is not as boring and as bad as it can be. As long as he's with him.
The movie ends. Before the man could stand up, he grabbed his hand. Remembering something.
“Hyung, you never really told me your name.” He asked.
“It's not like you ever asked.” the man giggled.
The man reached out his hand, “I'm Yeonjun. Choi Yeonjun.” He introduced himself.
What a pretty name.
“I should formally introduce myself too, Nice to meet you Yeonjun Hyung. I'm Huening Kai.” He smiled, reaching out his hand to shake the other.
They both laughed after that. Who would've forgotten to introduce themselves during their first meeting? Now they look pathetic. But it doesn't really matter, as long as they have each other.
He woke up smiling, happiness spread all throughout his body. He knew his name and he won't stop thinking about it.
Yeonjun, Yeonjun, Yeonjun.
He goes on with his usual morning routine. Waking up, skipping breakfast, surviving school. It was a normal day, except for the fact that Yeonjun's name never left his mind.
Tons of requirements and deadlines were given to them. He was so close to breaking down again he can't even count how many times already. Being smart doesn't mean that you can't experience hardships towards your mental and emotional health. And he hated it. He hated how he couldn't escape those thoughts. Stupid thoughts. Thoughts about how he is not good enough, and how he will never be. Thoughts about just giving up on everything, even after all that he has been through. Thoughts about how the world would be better without him.
However, he forgets about everything when he's with him. When he's with Yeonjun. All the bad things are forgotten when he's with his home. Yeonjun.
This time he's at a wedding. Not his wedding. Someone else's wedding. Beside him was a beautiful man, dressed in a white fancy suit, pearl earrings dangling in his ears.
Gorgeous.
“I can't believe they are finally getting married.” He hears a whisper.
“Who is getting married?” He asked, confused.
“My two best friends! Taehyun and Beomgyu. Gosh, after 7 years of flirting and fighting. They're finally fulfilling their dream, together.” He replied, tears almost spilling from his eyes.
He didn't like the idea of marriage nor love since he never really thought about it. But witnessing a beautiful ceremony makes it different.
Marriage.
A tall man with soft cheeks suddenly popped out and sat beside them.
“Am I late?” the man had asked.
“Choi Soobin, I can't believe you almost missed both of our best friends' wedding!” he saw Yeonjun rolling his eyes at the man.
“I'm taking that as a no.” the man fake smiled.
Best friends.
“Oh, Kai! Meet Choi Soobin. He's the most annoying person that you'll ever meet.” Yeonjun introduced.
“Hello, please don't mind my rude best friend. I'm Choi Soobin!” the man greeted.
“Nice to meet you, Soobin-ssi. I'm Huening Kai.” He answered and extended his hand until-
Slap.
Did he just?
“Oh please, that's too formal! Just call me Hyung.” Soobin just slapped his hand, rejecting him. Instead, he stood up and hugged the younger.
Comfort.
The hug was nice. He felt solace.
It was unexpected. He never really liked physical touches. He never got used to it. Except Yeonjun's, of course.
The wedding started. Both grooms walked down the aisle, eyes glistening. Both filled with happiness. They look so happy, he thought.
Happiness.
He then heard sniffles getting louder from his side. The two best friends started crying, louder this time. He didn't know what to do. He never comforted anyone before. It's not like anyone comforted him before. So he did what he thought was best.
He hesitantly hugged Yeonjun. Surprisingly, the older one leaned to his touch. Feeling the comfort that he needs, he started patting his head too. The other tall man saw them hugging and decided to join them. (To his surprise, he isn't shocked anymore.) They stood there for 10 mins. Each one of them finding comfort in the hug. I like this, he thought.
Maybe I could get used to this.
The wedding ended. Yeonjun also introduced him to his other two best friends who just got married. He happily greeted them with congratulations. The married couple was nice and naughty, just like how Yeonjun had described them.
Somehow, he feels safe. Safe with Yeonjun, safe with his best friends. All of his worries and doubts now long gone.
Beep, beep, beep, beep.
Well, guess he’s back again. He did his best to wake up. He brushed off his thoughts and started to work on his requirements. He tried. He really tried his best to hold on. But the longing for comfort, safety, and home made him weak. So weak.
Too weak.
Maybe if I just stay there I’ll be happier. No, I will be happy. I’ll be with the man I love, my home. I’ll be with his best friends. Maybe someday, I’ll be able to marry him too. We’ll be together, forever. All of those stupid thoughts will no longer hunt me. I don’t need to be enough.
So he decides. He decides to end everything.
The giggles woke him up. Giggles that are music to his ears. Bed of roses filling his surroundings, butterflies fluttering in the sky, people chattering around him.
“You’re finally home, my love.” the man spoke, smiling.
Home.
I’m finally home.
“Thank you for waiting for me, Hyung.” he spoke, eyes starting to tear up.
Dreams are home for Huening Kai. Yeonjun is his home, his dream.