Chapter Text
July 6, 2014
Nathan,
Jamie Gunderson was a bitch again today. She chose to make fun of my favorite sweater. Cas gave me this sweater. And who is she to make fun of me for anything? Especially with a name like "Gunderson"? Honestly, I should be bullying her.
As if that wasn't bad enough, when I got home mom was screaming about something. I hear glasses breaking at night as I sit up in my bed. I told dad she didn't mean those nasty things she said.
They fight about money. About me and my brother. And this I come home to. This is my shelter.
I know you'd have a funny one liner to make things better, but you aren't here and I'm not that imaginative.
Until tomorrow,
(Maybe)
Felicity Smoak
Felicity closes the notebook just as another shout could be heard above the noise of her headphones. Most days it was the only way that she could get any peace in the dingy apartment that she called home, but today the topic had gotten them especially loud and violent.
Just as her arm recoils from placing her journal back into her school bag, the sixteen year old hears footsteps leading to her door. As usual she slinks quickly to the opposite end of the room fearing her mother's vengeful wrath. Instead she only sees Castiel enter. Her brother quickly hugs her to his chest.
"Hey honeybee," he says as he holds her tight. One hand soothing down her blonde hair slightly before resting his cheek to it. It's a gesture meant to comfort both of them.
"Hey hornet," she replies in answer. She could feel her brother's smile against her hair. "I got you something,"
"Oh? My birthday isn't until tomorrow," He spoke pulling away from her as the voices shouting got slightly farther away. Their argument must be moving from the living room into their parent's bedroom. It was on the opposite end of the awkwardly situated apartment. She is just happy that the room she shares with Cas, while small, also has a fire escape that they use on several occasions to get away for a while. "Where did you get this present?"
"I saved up my lunch money," she answers low, hoping that he wouldn't hear her over the shouting and drop the subject of money. Because what he really meant was 'where did you get money?'
Felicity smoothes the sky blue knit sweater from its wrinkled condition as Cas's brows draw together. "That money is meant to feed you. What have you been eating?" His arms rise to cross over his chest as he peers at her quizzically.
"You know...stuff," she mutters. If she spoke vaguely enough she wouldn't have to tell Cas that she hadn't eaten lunch in a month. Or that she hasn't felt like eating in all that time.
In fact, her second hand clothes have been hanging off of her more and more lately.
"It's not a big deal," a piece of long blonde hair is being pushed behind her ear. "Here open it!" She takes only one step before she hears it.
Cas has opened his mouth to speak, but the sound drowns out everything around them. Suddenly everything went silent.
Not a sound could be heard other than the ringing in their ears. Cas was the first to remember himself. He burst into action as fast as the bullet had been torn from the gun that they had just unmistakably heard come from three doors away.
Hands were gripping her arms as they push her gently, yet with purpose toward her bookbag.
"Grab anything you want that isn't packed. We have to go. Now." But Felicity couldn't move. She knew what had happened. Her mother had gotten to the gun in their room. She'd threatened their father before but she never thought that- "Felicity. Now." Cas demands.
He'd been prepared for this. He'd wanted to run away with her for years. The only thing stopping him was his age. He couldn't keep them safe while he was underage, but tomorrow is his 18th birthday. And there's no time like the present. Cas knew that it was only a matter of time before his deranged mother came looking for Felicity next. He needed to get her somewhere safe.
Having the duffle bag that he'd packed just last week, he slung it over his shoulder, grabs his own bookbag full of the only things that mattered to him and began ushering his sister out the window onto the fire escape. They have just made it down to street level when they could hear their mother--no, she was never their mother-- they could hear Naomi calling down from their window. Cas glances back to see her waving the gun out the window hysterically trying to take a shot.
Swiftly they zigzag through the streets and alleyways. Police cars whiz past them as they make their way to the entrance of the highway. They need to leave town, leave the state. He needs to keep Felicity safe.
Cas sticks his hand out to passing cars as a gesture to be picked up. However, no one does. They walk along the dusty highway for almost three hours before a minivan spots them and slows down.
The van is a cherry red that is just this side of obnoxious to both siblings. But that is the only thing that they can make out in the dark. The sun had been low in the sky when they'd left the only home they knew. Now it was well gone for the night.
The two stop walking close to the van, but not completely next to it. The driver turns the car off and steps out to see them using his cell phone as a flashlight.
"Hey there bambinos," he said in greeting. He was quite cheerful, if not a little cautious. "What, uh, where are you headed?"
"We're going anywhere but here," Cas' voice seems calm and collected to the untrained ear, but Felicity could hear the nerves. She grabs her brother's hand in comfort.
The stranger takes in their appearance before sighing. "How old are you kids? 16? Are you sure that running away is the answer?"
Felicity is surprised to see that he seems genuinely concerned. "It's our only answer. Can you give us a ride out of here or not?" She responds before her brother could. It was the first time that she's spoken since they left.
"My name is Gabriel. Gabriel Novak," the stranger says holding out his hand to shake. Cas was the first to shake it.
"I'm Castiel and this is my sister Felicity,"
"Hi," Felicity mutters as she takes his hand.
"Hey," Gabriel smiles in return. "I own a restaurant in Sioux Falls. That's in South Dakota. It's a twenty hour trip and I'll need to stop at a hotel on the way to rest, but you're welcome to join. I'll take you all the way there or I can let you out along the way if it makes you more comfortable."
Cas looks to Felicity. Silently they communicate the way that they've always done. Cas lifts a brow in question to which Felicity gives a wide eyed look and a single nod of her head, which is nearly imperceptible in the low light.
Cas turns back to Gabriel and smiles. "Thank you. We would very much appreciate the ride," and with that they pile into the minivan. Felicity sits in the backseat with their bags while Cas sits in the front passenger’s seat.
They drive for countless miles and five hours before anyone speaks. Gabriel had turned the radio on as they began their journey, but lowered the volume after an hour when he notices that Felicity had fallen asleep in the back.
"So," Gabriel starts. He drags the word out as long as he can, "what brings you two out here?"
Neither man takes his eyes off of the road ahead. Cas is silently deciding whether or not to share their story with this man. He is still a stranger.
"I could ask you the same," he decides to deflect.
"And I would answer that I was here on vacation," Gabriel retorts with only amusement in his voice.
"Vacationing in Alabama?" Cas wonders incredulously.
Gabriel gives a small chuckle at that. "Yeah, it wasn't actually fun. My brother Lucifer had his engagement party yesterday," Castiel opens his mouth to say something when Gabriel adds, "and before you say anything about his name remember that your name is Castiel and I didn't remark on it,"
"That's fair."
"My brother is," Gabriel pauses to think. His brow scrunches with the effort and his hands drum softly on the steering wheel. "Can I be frank with you?"
"Yes,"
"Good. He's a great big bag of dicks. He's been a pain since we were kids. Nick, that's his nickname, is five years older than me so he thinks he hung the moon and everyone should bow down to him. One time he super glued my hand to my bike handle. I love him. But sometimes I really hate him," Gabe muses.
"So why do you love him? If he's awful to you, I mean" Castiel asks from next to him.
Gabriel smiles. "I used to be bullied as a kid. It's because I've always been a little shorter. Anyway, Nick always had my back. He'd prank me at home cause we were brothers, but he'd beat the shit out of anyone giving me a hard time. That's real love," he glances over to Castiel. "So you aren't going to tell me what made you two get the hell outta Dodge?" The older man inquires. In the light of the car Cas can make out his sandy blonde hair.
Cas is silent for another minute then sighs, his mind made up. "Felicity and I have...bad parents. There wasn't much money or love at home. I've wanted to leave for years but I had to wait until I was eighteen to legally leave."
"When did you turn eighteen?"
Cas looks down to the clock, "about two hours ago"
Gabriel looks shocked. "Where's the fire then?"
"In my father's chest. My mother shot him and tried to go after Felicity"
* * * * *
"Come on, Bobby, please? I promise I won't make a mess and you can take money out of my checks," Dean pleads as he put his plate into the sink to wash later. It was his night to do them anyway.
Bobby grumbles from his seat at the table reading the paper. One hand comes up to rub his chin through his large beard.
"Damn it Dean. It's not even eight yet. Let a man rest in the morning."
"Not until you say yes, old man. Jody said that it sounded fine." The younger boy tries using guilt to make his Uncle agree, since the logical route has seemed to fail him.
"Then it's a good thing that Jody doesn't own the salvage yard," he answers back sipping nonchalantly from his coffee mug. In the next moment the phone rang. Blaring the generic set of tones throughout the house and effectively closing the conversation for the mean time. Or so Bobby thought.
Bobby answers the phone as Dean asks one last time earnestly, as though it were life and death, "please, Bobby?"
"Fine! But you ask me first for approval before you touch anything," he points a finger accusingly toward Dean. "Hey, Gabriel. Sorry, Dean's being a pain in my ass. What do you need?" Dean stands watching and listening to Bobby's side of the conversation.
"You what? ... Uh, yeah, I have one more. How old? ... That young, huh? ... Stop by on your way back and we'll see what happens, okay? I can't make any promises though."
Dean watches it all from the kitchen counter while pretending to look in the fridge for something. As soon as his Uncle hangs up he asks.
"What'd Gabe want?"
"He needs me to keep something here for a little while. He also needs Jody's help. Don't you have a car to pick out?" He reminds Dean turning back to his paper.
Sam came bounding down the stairs, "hey, who-" he trips over the last stair in his hurry, but catches himself before he can topple over. Clearing his throat he asks again, more calmly, "who was on the phone?"
Dean smirks.
"It was Gabe," Bobby responds keeping his eyes on the article in front of him.
"You know how creepy it is for you to crush on him right? He's twenty two and you’re seventeen," he faux gasps, "that's illegal!"
"So is underage drinking, yet I found a bottle of Jack Daniels in your room," Sam shot back. Deliberately not touching the part where he has a crush on Gabe. "Naturally I flushed it before the cops could raid your bedroom," his nose scrunches with a mischievous smile forming, "you're welcome," he smiles.
Dean pushes past him to run up the stairs while Bobby laughs.
"Did you?" He wonders aloud. Sam pulls himself together, moving his scruffy mop of brown hair out of his eyes while simultaneously straightening out his ratty, black t-shirt.
"No, but Dean was being a jerk," Sam began pulling out the cereal from the cabinet. "So, what'd Gabe want?"
"You'll see later. He's coming over around dinner time. You may want to change before then if you want to get his attention, though."
Sam's hand falters in surprise spilling lucky charms all over the counter.
"Et tu, Bobby?"
"Yes, idjit. Even I can see you mooning after the boy. You look at him like he pukes rainbows."
Sam hangs his head. His family was all aware of his hopeless crush on their friend. But, then again, if everyone knew and no one protested it then maybe he should take a shot at Gabriel.
"What do you think about Gabe?" Sam asks his Uncle while he stretches to put away the cereal box.
"He's a moron. But he's also a dependable moron," he says leaning forward in his chair. Paper placed on the table now. "I think he's worth a shot," The way that he says "worth a shot" like it's nothing, as if he's merely regaling the weather, makes Sam feel better about his decision. With his mind made up he abandons his bowl to head upstairs. "Where are you going?"
"To change obviously," he snarks.
* * * * *
July 8, 2014
Nathan,
Naomi shot Dad.
I don't know how to make that sound better. I guess I really can't. We ran away today. Ran from the noise. I ran away and I don't want to go back to that place.
She was close. She nearly shot me, but Cas threw me into a Chinese restaurant. It was like a cheesy action film. Then it turned into a horror film because we hitchhiked with a guy in a minivan...who just pulled into a yard littered with old car frames.
This must be where they come to die.
I'll talk to you later,
(Maybe)
Felicity Smoak
Gabriel parks on a long stretch of pavement just beyond a house that sat in the middle of a car graveyard. Felicity was beginning to doubt that Gabriel wouldn't chop them up and bury the bodies here. No one would find them between the mazes of cars that stretched the property.
Cas pulls her in to his side when they all exit the van. "It's okay honey bee," he whispers in her ear as Gabriel watches on from the other side of the car.
The sun has set, once again, leaving the sky dark and mysterious. Felicity thinks often of the universe. Castiel had taken her onto the roof during several fights to map out anything that they could see through the fog of city lights and smog. It was a disappointing view for a broken, depressed family. For a long time she had thought that it was what she deserved. To feel trapped. Exposed and vulnerable.
She deserved to be disenchanted by her world. After all, it was all her fault that her parents grew to hate each other.
But now, seeing the expanse of world now visible to her naked eye, she doesn't think the same way. In this moment she is enchanted. She feels free. Lighter than she has ever felt. Her hand moves to hold Cas' while they walk to keep herself grounded.
"This is the family I told you about," Gabriel is saying. His voice pulls her away from her thoughts. "I'm just giving you a heads up. Bobby is not as surly as he seems. Jody is the sweetest and most terrifying woman I've ever met," his smile reassures the two slightly. Cas had taken a real risk by trusting Gabriel at face value, but after spending the last day and a half with him, he knows more about the stranger than he ever did about his parents. "You'll do just fine. Promise," is whispered reassuringly as he presses the doorbell.
From inside they can hear muffled talking through the door. "It's your boyfriend, Sam!" Can be heard right before a loud thud and muffled groans of pain.
The door opens to a young boy. About the same age of Felicity, but taller than her. By several feet. His hand moves a stand of hair from his face back to its place along his unruly brown mop.
"Hey Gabe," he smiles softly, then he seems to notice the other two people standing on his doorstep. "Hi, I'm Sam," his hand awkwardly gives a short wave before opening the door wide in invitation.
"Sammich," Gabe gestures his hands to point to each of his guests while walking across the threshold, "this is Castiel and Felicity,".
" It's nice to meet you, Sam " Cas speaks.
Felicity remains quiet, but gives a small wave of her hand in return. Sam smiles encouragingly at her.
Down the hall, another person walks into the room from a door that seems to be the kitchen. He's a little taller than Cas, Felicity notes, with brown hair and a sandwich resting in his hands. She has no doubt that he's related to Sam.
"Dean-O, where are the rents?" Gabe asks the new body. Dean is looking at his sandwich like it spit in his face.
"Kitchen," he vaguely moves his hand in the direction he'd just come from.
"It's not going to blow up on you, you know" Sam grins.
Dean looks up at the comment. "Gee, really, Sam? Thanks. You want a cookie, Captain Obvious?" green eyes rolled during his speech. Cas couldn't help but notice how beautiful those green eyes were.
Dean's gaze rakes over both sister and brother. His gaze lingers for a moment on Castiel, as if sizing him up. A smile seems to grow on his face.
"Come on guys," Gabe is saying as his steps begin down the hall. Cas and Felicity are still holding hands, following one step behind Gabriel. Sam and Dean follow behind them.
"Hey, Bobby," Gabriel greets a burly looking man wearing a baseball cap indoors.
The kitchen is nicer than the one they used to have. There is a floating island and table inside its confines. There is also a woman standing just behind the counter at the stove. She is shorter than almost everyone with short brown hair.
"Hey, Gabe. How was the party?" Bobby inquires shaking the other man's offered hand.
"Everything with Lucifer is hell, so, there was a lot of brimstone," he chuckles, "but anyway. This is Castiel and Felicity Smoak, the two runaways I picked up,"
"Why'd you run away?" Sam voiced from the doorway.
Cas opened his mouth to answer, however, the woman spoke first.
"Manners, Sam!" She admonished. "Hi, I'm Jody. Bobby's wife. Why don't you kids have a seat? Are you hungry? Thirsty?"
"Thank you, but no thank you" Castiel answered while sitting down next to Bobby. He gestured for Felicity to sit next to him.
"How about you, hun?" Jody looked to Felicity now.
"No thank you," she answered low.
"Okay, then" she sat across from Felicity. Gabriel took the seat next to her and Sam came to take the last seat next to Gabriel. Dean lifts himself to sit on the counter.
"So..." Dean says from his perch. "Why'd you run?" Everyone looked toward the two.
"First thing is first," Gabriel chimed in. "Before we spill the beans I need to know that it won't leave this kitchen,"
"What about Oliver?" Sam asks.
"What about him?" Bobby counters.
"He lives here too. Can we tell him?"
"Yeah. But only because he lives here. No one else can know," Gabriel sighs as everyone nods their head. He looks toward Felicity and gestures to continue. "You can trust them," he reassures.
"When I was two," Castiel begins, "my mother was attacked on the street. As a result, she became pregnant," his hand searches for Felicity's under the table, having disconnected to sit down. "She didn't want to keep the child, but my father fought for it. He didn't think it was the baby's fault,"
"And then I was brought into the world," Felicity continues. Everyone was so engrossed in the story that no one noticed another figure creep into the room from the stairs. "They fought a lot after that. Always about money and us. Mostly me,"
"She blamed Felicity for everything that went wrong," Castiel continues.
"And everything that went right was 'despite' me," she reveals.
Castiel moves his seat closer to his sister's. "We've wanted to leave for a long time, but I couldn't support us if I was underage. So we waited. However, the other night," his eyes look down to his hands then back up. "My mother has a gun. It's Alabama. Everyone has them. She shot our dad then she came after us,"
"I'm the reason for all of her problems, anyway," Felicity involuntary shudders as she remembers all of the times that she has heard the phrase "you made me do this".
"But you didn't do anything wrong," came a deep voice from the stairs. Felicity looked, along with everyone else, to see a boy with short sandy blonde hair and blue eyes.
"It doesn't really matter. I was born and that was enough," she answers in a meek voice.
The blue eyed newcomer walks to the counter to sit next to Dean. When he pulls himself onto the counter Felicity can see the "I think she just couldn't cope with the fact that none of it was your fault," he replied. The room is silent with the weight of the situation.
"This is Oliver. He's quiet like a ninja, sometimes," Jody speaks up, hoping to cut the tension.
Dean picks up on her cue and adds, "unlike Sammy who stomps around like a moose on steroids,"
"Shut it, jerk!" Is Sam's witty retort.
"Make me, bitch!" Is Dean's eloquent response.
"That's enough," Bobby speaks firmly. He turns his attention back to Cas and Felicity. "One thing you'll need to know if you're going to live here is that all of these boys," he gestures to Sam, Dean, and Oliver, "are delinquents"
"Does that mean we can stay here?" Felicity asks with a voice full of hope.
"Of course, sweetheart," Jody reaches across the table to grab Felicity's free hand. "You won't be able to use your last name though. We'll have to change it so that no one will think twice about you staying here. Is that alright with you guys?"
"Yes. I've never been a real Smoak anyway," Felicity says.
"You'll both be Novaks. I'll tell everyone that you're my cousins and you won't have any trouble," Gabriel offers. "My family is so big that we don't just make up a football team. We make up the league,"
Everything is squared away after that. The two are shown to their room, which they'll have to share (not that either would have it any other way), and given a tour of the house. Soon everyone is asleep in bed.
It's one in the morning when Felicity wakes from a nightmare. In it, her mother had made her watch while she killed everyone she loves. Even her new acquaintances. She had strapped them down and tortured them. Always letting Felicity know, with every sickening squelch of skin or thrust of her knife, that it was all her own fault.
Gasping for breath the blonde sits up in bed. With sweat running down her back Felicity stumbles to her feet, having to momentarily wrestle her bedspread, and walks to the bathroom.
"You are safe. She's probably in jail right now. You can't just shoot someone and get away with it, right?" Blue eyes meet blue in the mirror as she talks herself down from sheer terror to an acceptable amount of fear.
Once satisfied her feet carry her back into the hallway where she finds Oliver walking to his bedroom door holding a glass of milk.
"Hey," he greets upon seeing her exit.
"Hi. Couldn't sleep?" She inquires. Although, she isn't quite sure why she did. She doesn't really know this guy. She just feels better around him. Which is completely insane.
He smiles in reply. "No. Milk helps me calm down at night. I'm cliché like that," his blue eyes look to his hands for a moment. Moving his glass between them. "I wanted to tell you earlier, though, that it is all that matters,"
"Excuse me?"
"The fact that you are completely innocent. That is all that matters," and with another half smile he retreats into his bedroom. Leaving her alone in the hallway. But also leaving her more whole than when he'd found her.
* * * * *
Castiel wakes up early remembering everything that had happened over the last three days. They had run away from their parents. Hitchhiked with a stranger for two days. And now they are going to live with the stranger's friends until they can get on their feet. This was insane.
But, he thinks, it is much better than being at home. Looking to the left, Castiel spots his baby sister still asleep in their bed. They've had to share beds before because of budget and space constraints, so this isn't anything new.
Her blonde hair is splayed around her head. No doubt its the result of a night full of tossing. Some of it is matted to her forehead in sticky ringlets from sweat. Gently he moves the hair to the side of her face before getting up to change his clothes.
Once dressed he heads downstairs to see what the morning is like around here. Upon entering the kitchen he sees only Jody. And she is wearing a Sheriff's uniform.
"Are you the sheriff?" Castiel asks by way of greeting.
"Good morning to you too," she chuckles. "Yes, I am. Is that a deal breaker?"
"The opposite, actually," he walks to the island and sits on a stool. Jody passes him her plate full of toast. "How'd you get into that?"
"Thinking of going into law enforcement?" She asks while taking a piece of toast from his plate.
"Well, I'm eighteen now and I'll need a job to support us now,"
"I can ask around the station and put in a good word, but you'll have to take an exam," her speech is paused while she chews. "You'll also have to go through some training. I think I have a study guide in one of the attic boxes. I'll check when I get home. Sound good?"
Cas smiles around his toast. "I would very much appreciate that. Thank you, Jody" his gaze lingers to his hands before looking up again. "Thank you for everything that you're doing for my sister and I" the words come out sheepish even to his own ears.
Jody doesn't say anything for a moment. A moment where Cas thinks that maybe he shouldn't have said anything. But then she is moving around the counter. Her arms encircle him in an embrace.
"You deserve better than what life has given you. And as long as you're both under my roof I will keep you safe. We all will," she whispers into his ear.
"But you don't even know me," he whispers back. He wants so much for her words to be true. But he knows that they can't. Every shoe has a pair. The other shoe must inevitably drop.
"Oh, honey. But, I do. You were the boy who was willing to leave his only home for his sister. To protect her any way that you could. You're more like me than you think,"
Jody had to leave for work. In her wake was a teary eyed Castiel.
Upstairs, Felicity was sitting against the headboard with her journal in hand.
July 9, 2014
Nathan,
I think I like it here. But, I don't want love to destroy me, like it did my family. If we can work it out here I promise I'll be better.
I hear someone coming.
Talk to you later,
(Maybe)
Felicity Novak