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When Dan wakes up, his first thought is of how dry his stupid mouth is. The next is of the horrible residual taste. Rolling over, his stomach burbles in protest, sending a small burp. He grimaces. Vodka burps. Gross.
His next thought is of water because his mouth feels like the Sahara. With a grunt he sits up and pries his eyes open. His head spins and throbs but his need for water outweighs his want to lay back down.
Groaning, he clumsily gets to his feet and stumbles to the bathroom. He squints at himself in the bathroom mirror. His eyes are puffy and his hair is a disaster, reverting to it’s natural curly state. But there’s something else off. Something feels wrong. Dan brushes it off and runs himself a glass of water and drinks deeply. His head gives a dull throb and he runs another glass of water. This time, he drips water all down the front of his shirt.
“Ugh. Dan, you clumsy twat,” he grumbles, setting down the glass and reaching for a towel to mop up the wet.
Then it hits him.
It’s his shirt that’s wrong. It’s not just wrong, it’s not even his.
It's Phil's, as a matter of fact. He frowns. Just how fucking drunk was he last night? He has no recollection of taking his shirt off, or of Phil being shirtless.
That's definitely something he'd remember.
Dan stares at his reflection a moment longer, trying to recall something from last night. There's nothing, just a distant hazy memory of beer pong and very loud cheers as he downs his fifth cup.
There may have been shots in there, too.
But that doesn't explain why he's wearing Phil's shirt.
Now, any normal person would probably just take the shirt off and chuck it in Phil's laundry and move on with life. Being drunk happens. He'll hear the stories eventually. But this is Dan. Since when did he make good life choices?
So he buries his face in the front if the shirt and breathes deep. It smells so vividly of Phil, he'd swear that Phil had only just given it to him. Lynx, aftershave, and something so distinctly Phil that it makes Dan want to just bury himself in it.
A soft knock at the door pulls him back to reality. "Dan?" calls Phil from the other side. Its already open a crack, so Phil pushes it open the rest of the way.
Dan lets his hands drop to the sink and flashes a small smile. "Morning."
Phil grins and moves to stand beside him at the mirror. "Morning. I see you still have my shirt on," he points out.
"Ah, yeah, I was just going to take it off, hold on," he stammers before moving to pull it over his head. A hand on his arm makes him stop.
"No rush," says Phil, "it actually looks quite nice on you."
Dan prays that Phil can't tell that he's blushing.
Phil frowns at him lightly. Hey, what's up with you?" He bumps his hip against Dan's playfully. Dan gives a small smile and a soft laugh and elbows Phil back. Phil retaliates and before Dan knows it, they're wrestling in the bathroom. He winds up with Phil's arms around him, pinning his arms down at his side. Dan tries to wriggle out of his grasp. They're both laughing and smiling and when Dan looks up into the mirror, he sees Phil looking back at him. He feels the blood rush to his face and suddenly wants to flee. But Phil's hold is steadfast.
He watches in the mirror as Phil presses a kiss to the crook of his neck where the shirt has been pulled away. He grits his teeth, not wanting to sink into the sensation. They've been down this road. It was rocky and emotional and they're still dealing with the repercussions of it. They live their lives in the limelight, which means they have people poking into their personal lives constantly. Dan can't imagine hiding a relationship with someone else, let alone his flat mate. Not that he doesn't want it because holy shit he definitely remembers 2009 and being able to love Phil as much as he wanted and as openly as he wanted.
But then fame happened. And Dan got scared. He called it quits and Phil, being Phil, was so amiable about it that sometimes Dan wishes he would have stormed out of his life. He took it so well, but Dan did not.
Their names are more well known than ever before. It's too risky. Dan wants to fight, to protest and run away, but he finds that he has no energy to. He's tired of not letting himself love Phil. Hiding is exhausting.
So he lets his head tip back onto Phil's shoulder as the older boy kisses him gently. He lets himself relax and soak in Phil's warmth.
He feels Phil smile into his skin. Dan feels the warmth spread across his shoulders. Phil presses tender kisses up his neck and behind his ear.
Their eyes meet in the mirror.
"Hi," Phil says softly, almost a whisper against his ear.
"Hi," Dan replies weakly.
Phil's eyes are sad, however, as Dan studies them in the mirror. His stomach drops because he knows that he's the reason for Phil being sad. He knows Phil loves him. He knows Phil would give him the moon if it made him happy. And he doesn't deserve it. Dan is nothing but a coward and Phil deserves so much better.
"If you want me to go, I -" Phil begins, pulling slightly away from Dan.
"No!" Dan grabs the hands around his waist. "No. This... This is nice. I missed this..."
Phil presses close again, this time burying his face in Dan's hair. "I missed this too. I miss you. Us."
And Dan wants to cry because he wants to give Phil what he wants. But he's scared, so scared of the repercussions. "I just..."
"I know," whispers Phil into his neck. "You're scared." His tone holds no malice, but the sadness is enough for Dan to want to crawl under a rock and die.
He turns around in Phil's arms. With one hand on his jaw, Dan brings their mouths together. A tender tongue licks at his bottom lip and it's easy and warm and familiar to just let him in.
And for a moment, he's not scared any more. He thinks that if he gets to kiss Phil like this, and hold him like this for the rest of his life, it's almost worth the repercussions.
Their mouths slide together in an effortless rhythm and Dan wonders why he ever denied himself this, how he ever denied Phil this. He wants Phil. He always has. And he had him, dammit, but he was a cowardly asshole and ran as soon as things got rough.
It's like a switch is flipped in his head and he breaks the kiss, looking Phil right in the eye. Phil looks so aborably confused that Dan nearly wavers and goes back in for a kiss, but he holds fast. He needs to say this before he thinks too hard.
"I love you," he blurts out. "I love you and I always have and I hate myself for pushing you away because it wasn't fair and -"
He's cut short by an enthusiastic kiss and fingers in his hair and he can feel his heart swell with happiness. Phil breaks away and he's smiling so big that Dan is scared his face might break. He's surprised to find that he's smiling just as wide.
Phil pulls him close and murmurs in his ear, "I love you, too."
And just for a moment, Dan thinks he can withstand anything the world throws at them.