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June nights were usually some of Rey’s favourites. The air had lost its bite and the late sunsets meant you could enjoy the last drops of sunlight right up until curfew. Even if the temperatures would never reach the balmy 25C of her council flat down south, the Scottish air never had the stuffy, cloying summer heat. She could always breathe easy in June.
Rey longed for those simple summers of school years past. Right now her chest felt tight, the iron vice of grief gripping her and sucking all joy from the cool evening breeze as she looked out over the lake from atop the Astronomy tower. She was skipping dinner again. In recent days she had found it easier just to not show up to the Great Hall at all, rather than make excuses as to why there was a full plate of food left in front of her. She would lie and say she was studying or she had dozed off or she had a headache. She would lie and say she’d gone to the house elves and they’d made her something, don’t worry!
She had gotten very good at lying over the course of this year.
Rey hated it. She had never kept anything from Finn and Rose, and found herself resenting her new found close friendships with Tallie, Jess, Seff and Jannah as it meant she had more people to hurt. More people who could never understand her struggle and she couldn't even blame them for it. She had made this mess.
No.
He had made this mess.
Rey kicked a stray pebble from the top of the tower, watching it fall into the courtyard far below her. She wouldn't be in this mess if he had kept his promise.
“ I need you to know we are in this together.”
The words he had said, so softly all those months ago still rang in her head. Had he been lying? Had he been toying with her this whole time? Surely, after what had gone down with Hux they needed to be in this together now more than ever and instead he-
Rey kicked another stone, wishing it was Ben Solo.
He had told her she wasn’t alone, and yet here she was, more alone than ever, being consumed by her secret heartbreak and she just wanted to scream but she couldn't even do that.
She truly was no-one.
“You know, If exam stress is getting that bad Niima, there are easier ways to handle it than throwing yourself off the Astronomy tower.”
The smooth voice made her jump, whipping round, wand drawn. Aleson Gray put his hands up in mock surrender, a smirk etched onto his handsome features, amethyst eyes glittering. In her wallowing she had not heard him approach. Great, now she needed to come up with a lie as to why she was here. Another lie to add to the ever growing list.
“What are you doing here?” she questioned, putting her wand down, “It’s dinner time. Shouldn't you be in the Great Hall?”
“Shouldn't you?” he responded, raising one elegant eyebrow, “from what I’ve heard, Eurydice Niima is never one to skip a meal, and yet here she is, having not been at dinner all week…”
She tensed, looking to the ground feeling strangely guilty, like an errant child who had been caught doing something wrong.
Aleson eyed her, then sighed, coming to stand by her at the railing.
“I’m not here to interrogate you,” he said quietly, looking out over the lake, the sunset bringing out the unusual bluish tone in his dark hair and making his usual eyes look even more like jewels than they normally did, “And I know you said I shouldn't make a habit of feeding you but-”
He paused, reading into the pocket of his robes to draw out a paper bag, and handed it out to her.
“You missed the main course but I heard the custard tarts here aren't too bad.I managed to nab some. I was planning to have them later but you frankly look like you need them more than me. ”
Rey looked at the bag that had been deposited into her hand and was suddenly faced with an overwhelming urge to cry. Aleson didn't know her, and had no reason to show her such kindness.
If anything, the fact that he was here just made the iron band round her ribcage tighten even further. His aloof but elegant nature, perfectly tailored robes and impeccable grace had always reminded her of Ben, and now his unexpected kindness just twisted the knife further. All she could do was mutter a very small, quiet ‘Thank you.’
Aleson was completely unaware of Rey’s turmoil, still staring out over the lake.
“Before Tallie and Jess inevitably get any ideas you should know I wasn’t coming here to seek you out Rey. And you asking me why I am here is really rather ironic seeing as this has been my favourite hideaway since third year so really you are the intruder here. This is all just a happy coincidence.” He looked at her, her sunken cheeks and too big uniform, her dark circles and haunted expression. “Okay- maybe not happy.”
Rey stood there, awkwardly, not knowing what to say. Really she should go, run and find somewhere else to hide, somewhere where she wasn’t reminded of her crushing guilt and the secrets that weighed down her heart. Somewhere she could drag anyone else down with her. Her classmates had enough on their plates with the N.E.W.Ts fast approaching, they should be focussing on themselves and here she was making herself a problem, the way she always has been-
“Eurydice, you don’t look well and I must say if you’re going to throw up please do it over the railing-”
She had to get out of here. She had to find somewhere to breathe. She pushed off the rails and went to turn on her heel towards the stairs but Aleson reached out, his hand catching hers. She froze. His hand was soft, too soft, but his grip was firm.
She looked back at him, her gut wrenching to find him looking at her imploringly, his usually aloof expression morphing into tender concern. She hadn’t even known he was capable of such a show of emotion.
“Rey, I don’t even pretend to know what is it that’s plaguing you but if I can be any help-”
Rey snatched her hand away, turning her face so he wouldn't see the tear threatening to fall.
“I-I appreciate the thought Aleson but I promise I’m fine, it’s really noth-OW” She jumped as she felt a sharp pinching on her arm.
“Oh relax, it’s just a very mild stinging hex” Aleson smirked, pushing off of the rail and sitting down with his back to the dais in the centre of the tower. “Which I will use again if you try and convince me that it’s nothing or just exams. Niima, anyone with eyes can see it’s more than that so please don’t insult my intelligence.”
He went back to looking out over the lake, the breeze touseling his dark curls. “If you’d rather not say then that's fine but don't lie-”
“You think I have any choice but to lie?” Rey snapped, the words leaving her mouth before she could stop them. Her eyes widened as his gaze snapped to hers, and she wanted to flee but his eyes had her rooted to the spot.
“So there is something bigger at play here?” he said quietly, keeping her rooted to the spot.
Rey floundered, desperately trying to think of a cover story, any cover story, but her traitorous brain had run out of lies.
“You don’t understand,” she ventured quietly. “I can’t tell anyone. It's my burden to bear. There are consequences for more than just me if this gets out so I’m just going to handle it okay?”
Her fists clenched and he sighed. “You’re not handling it though, are you? You’re wasting away.”
Rey blinked at him, fists clenching and unclenching. He had no idea how much she wished she could just let it out to someone- anyone- what she was hiding, how her secret love had become her greatest heartbreak and it was eating her alive but she couldn't risk it. Her future and Ben’s were still tightly woven together, even if they could not be. What they had done, the secrets they carried would have to be taken to the grave.
Rey blinked away those tears, desperately trying to occlude but she was tired, so tired. Sighing, she slumped down onto the floor next to Aleson, drawing her knees up and burying her head in them.
“Look, Aleson, I really do appreciate what you’re offering, I do but short of an Unbreakable Vow there’s no way I can talk so I think it’s best if I just-”
“Okay that’s fine. Shall I cast or or shall you? I’m sure I could work it out but I hear that you’re the more proficient at this sort of thing.”
Rey’s head snapped up to him, trying to comprehend what he was actually saying. Did he really just suggest joining in an unbreakable vow like it was something simple like choosing whether to have marmalade or jam on his morning toast?
“Aleson you can’t be serious?” she almost wanted to laugh. “An unbreakable vow is exactly that- Unbreakable.”
He rolled his eyes at her “Yes, Rey, I am perfectly aware of that, it’s rather self explanatory-”
“Then you know that's something serious and we can’t just-”
“Why not?” His earnest tone caught her off guard. “Why can’t we? It seems like the best solution to me! You get whatever this is off your chest and I get my good karma of knowing I helped someone in need. Plus, it might help you lighten up and start eating so Jess and Tallie can stop sending me suggestions of menu items at our wedding, you know those girls really are insufferable-”
She laughed. It was short and sharp, and it took her off guard for a moment. It was the first time she had laughed since that fateful night of the Quidditch cup. The sound softened something in her and Aleson’s signature smirk returned, as he took her hand again, trying to catch her gaze.
“I know you’re still in there somewhere Rey” he said softly, his thumb tracing soothing circles over her knuckle, his eyes imploring her. “Let me help you.”
It was madness. If he over broke this vow it meant certain death, which seemed dramatic for a couple of teenagers but the thought of lifting this weight was just so tempting…
“You don’t have to Aleson” she whispered, “I promise I’ll be fine-”
“Don’t make me hex you again” he warned, squeezing her hand and somehow another laugh bubbled up through her chest. He drew his wand with the hand that wasn’t holding hers, and held it up.
“Let me help you” he repeated, voice barely above a whisper, eyes beseeching hers. She nodded, before she could think better of it, and a stream of golden, translucent light spilled from the tip of his wand, over their joined hands. “I swear that whatever you tell me tonight will never be repeated by myself to anyone except you. Whatever you tell me on this tower will stay between us. All I ask is the truth in return.”
Rey watched the light dance over her right hand, weaving between hers and Aleson’s fingers, leaving a slight tingle in its wake. She took a deep breath.
“I swear to tell you the truth, and answer anything you ask with honesty and integrity.”
The light burned for a moment, causing Rey to grip his hand tighter, and then it sank into their hands, the bond forever forged, written into their very skin.
They stayed there for a moment, hands collapsed, Aleson’s thumb still making soothing motions over the back of her hand.
“Start at the beginning, Rey. We have all night.”
So she did.
She told him of her parents, and their drunken ways. The causal cruelty they would fling her way, her role of their emotional punching bag for most of her adolescence. Her fear of failing and having to leave the wizarding world behind, her fear of becoming just like them. The innate knowledge that she was never good enough for them. How Hogwarts had been the only place she had felt any form of acceptance and belonging. How she was so lonely for so long...
She told him of how herself and Professor Solo had found themselves embroiled in a torrid affair for most of the year. How she had slowly learned that it wasn't just lust she felt, but respect, kindness and passion that led to love. Actual Love.
She told him of the night in the forest with the manticore and how the residual dark magic had led to her first kiss in the arms of her teacher. She told him of the Celestial Ball and how he had made her feel like the most beautiful person in the room. She told him about the holidays, and the glorious few weeks they had in their tiny corner of reality they had carved for themselves. She told him about the fairy caves of Valentine’s Day,the anguish Professor Solo had shown after her incident with the Whomping Willow, the way he had taught her occlumency, the snacks he would always have for her in his office.
She left out the more… intimate details of course. It wasn’t a lie, but Aleson didn’t need to know that ...
She told Aleson of how Professor Solo had become Ben, to her and only to her. Dearest Ben...
Then she stopped. Up until this point Aleson had been quiet, attentive, letting her say her piece. But now she had to go through that night. The night of the Quidditch cup final.
Aleson squeezed her hand gently. “It’s okay. I’m listening.”
Rey took a shaky breath and began to relive the worst night of her life. The whole thing flashed before her in images, frozen in time. Ben kissing her on the desk, those three words on the tip of her tongue, the door flying open.
Hux.
Hux’s pale face as he had been knocked out.
Ben’s face, bloody and torn after he had jumped in front of the curse, meant for the potions master.
Her shaking hands as she had desperately tried to heal him, to fix her mistake to make it all better to make it all go away.
The look on Ben’s face when he had removed the glamour hiding the brutal scar she had given him. A permanent reminder of the ruin they would bring to each other.
“There is nothing I want to fight for that is worth the cost.”
How her whole world had shattered, and she had to carry on, pretending she was okay. The guilt, heartbreak, self loathing and anger destroying her while Ben Solo carried on, perfectly fine.
She didn’t realise the tears were flowing until Aleson reached up a hand and ever so gently wiped one away, his hand coming to rest in her hair.
They sat there for a moment, Rey’s silent tears still falling and Aleson taking a deep breath, taking in everything she had told him.
She had no idea how long she had been talking. The sun had nearly vanished over the horizon and the crisp night breeze had started to roll in over the lake.
As the silence continued, Rey began to panic. What must Aleson think of her? The things she had confessed to were scandalous at best and unforgivable at worst. He must despise her, regret ever signing up for this deal, thinking that she’s not worth the vow he’s just made-
“Thank you.”
His voice was quiet, but gentle and sincere. “Thank you for telling me, Rey. That can’t have been easy. I’m sorry you’ve been hurting for so long but please… you’re not alone anymore.”
Rey broke.
Once she allowed one sob past her lips the rest wouldn’t stop. It was like a dam had broken and everything she had been keeping in and refusing to feel just burst forth in loud, ugly, wet cries. Aleson conjured a blanket and pulled it round her shoulders, pulling her into his arms and she couldn’t help it. She buried her face into his chest and she wept. Wept for the young girl in her parents flat who had never fit in. Wept for the woman she could have been if she’d have never met Ben Solo. Wept for the man she continued to love, even after all this pain.
Aleson’s arms tightened around her, stroking her hair and murmuring soft reassurances that it was alright, she’s safe, it’s going to be okay…
Rey knew this whole situation was absurd. Before this whole fiasco, Aleson had basically been a stranger. Aside from their brief conversation in the hall, the pumpkin pasty incident and the deathday party she didn’t even know if he considered her a friend. And yet here she was, sobbing in his arms having laid bare her deepest darkest secrets and getting snot all over his crisp white shirt.
But here, in this moment, she couldn’t bring herself to worry about that. Not when Alesons hands stroking her hair felt so comforting. Not when these tears felt so cathartic. Not now she felt like she wasn’t alone, if only for this moment…
They stayed there for a while, until Rey’s sobs became quiet sniffles and Aleson let out a long breath. He squeezed her gently, his head laying on top of hers.
“Feel better?” He asked, and Rey nodded, eyes still squeezed shut. She wasn’t ready to break out of his embrace just yet. The crying seemed to have sapped all of her energy, but it didn’t feel like it did when she left the room of requirement. She felt lighter somehow, not like the empty void of the past few weeks but more… free. Like one of the boulders that had been weighing her heart down had been lifted somewhat. Maybe she didn’t feel better as such, but she certainly didn’t feel worse.
“I’m glad.”
In that moment, Rey was so grateful for Aleson Gray she could have cried all over again. But the tears wouldn’t come. Instead she just squeezed his hand and lifted her gaze to meet his, hoping that the deep, profound gratitude she felt in her heart was displayed on her face.
“Aleson I… I don’t know how I can ever begin to thank you for-”
He placed a finger gently over her lips, silencing her, his signature smirk gracing his handsome face once more.
“Don’t thank me” he murmured, taking his finger from her mouth and using it to tuck some hair that had come loose from her buns behind her ear. “You see, this was entirely selfish. I do hate to not know what’s going on and now I am the keeper of the most scandalous secret in Hogwarts history. It really is the ego boost I’ve been needing!”
His eyes twinkled with mirth and Rey let out a small chuckle, laying her head on his shoulder and moving the blanket so it covered him as well. After all that they have shared tonight, a blanket was surely nothing.
“Do you think I’m stupid?” she whispered, “For believing that me and him ever stood a chance? For loving him even now?”
Aleson was quiet for a moment, considering his words.
“I think that life has a way of working out. I don’t think it is as hopeless as it may seem for you right now. If nothing else, you have learned that you are worthy of love and admiration and you should take that lesson Rey. You have earned it. I can’t say it's a lesson I never had to learn personally, what with me being born this good looking and charming, but it does seem like a valuable one to have under your belt!”
She rolled her eyes, but his mirth was infectious. She stifled a yawn as Aleson drew her in close to him to keep away the night time chill.
“You’re an ass Aleson Gray” she quipped, but the smile pulling at her lips was enough to show there was no bite.
He simply grinned down at her with his winning smile and booped her nose gently, before laying his head back down on hers. “An arrogant ass you are officially in cahoots with. What an honour.”
They stayed up there until the last drops of sunlight had been replaced with the silvery light of the moon, and then long into the night. At some point they dozed off, Rey’s head tucked into the crook of Aleson’s shoulder and his arms wrapped around her, as if he could keep away the demons that have been plaguing her for the past few weeks, if only for this one night. If Jess and Tallie were they would have lost their minds and started planning the wedding. If Rey and Aleson had been awake they may have noticed the tall figure who, upon being unable to sleep in the small hours of the morning, thought to take in some fresh air in the tower. Had that figure decided to not go to the tower that night he wouldn't have seen Eurydice Niima, getting her first good night sleep in weeks, in the arms of Aleson Gray