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Kang Taehyun has a well-kept secret hidden within the folds of his heart.
He has a crush on Choi Yeonjun, wing spiker and ace of the volleyball club.
You can’t blame him; half of their school is probably in the same boat as him. The senior is a model student and the pride of their club. He’s fun to be with and easy-going, but serious about his passions. The older never lets the burden of schoolworks and other stresses get in the way of his performance, and his incredible game sense and powerful spikes has brought their team to the nationals twice in a row.
In a sense, it wasn’t hard to fall for Yeonjun.
And it was in that reasoning that Taehyun didn’t want anyone to know about his secret. Not when he’s convinced everyone that he’s far too focused on his role as the team’s setter to care about love. A kind of love that with every fond look he’s thrown at the senior’s direction, another needle pricks at his heart reminding him that Yeonjun will never look at him the same way he has been for the past two years. That the older has probably never seen him as anything more than his friend and teammate.
But this year, things are different. This year, Yeonjun is graduating. This year, the blue-haired boy will move on to greater things when he gets to college. This year, Taehyun doesn’t have much time left to be around Yeonjun.
So this year, he’s going to put his worries aside and tell the older boy his feelings. The junior could care less about the outcome at this point. Even if he gets dumped, the inevitable distance that will pull them apart would probably drown out any awkwardness that might arise. If he’s lucky, they could still be friends who both share interests in the same sport. Broken hearts be damned, he’s content with the bare minimum.
The plan was easy; on the last day of their five-day long summer camp, he’s going to invite Yeonjun for a late night walk. He’ll lead him through the narrow path at the forest located behind their school that ends to a wide clearing, where an invasive cherry blossom stands tall in the middle. He’s heard it’s a famous confession spot, but their club always visits there for good luck so Yeonjun wouldn’t notice something was up. Then he’s going to confess and accept whatever fate has in store for him.
He convinces himself it’s good enough, that he just needs to get on with it so he can move on with his life and say goodbye to the countless nights he has trouble falling asleep because Yeonjun is always in his mind.
The plan was good enough until today came and ruined his chances for good.
It’s the first day of summer camp. Even if it was the end of the season, the third years still hung around to help the younger years out and spend some more time with them until they got hit with early exams the following month. The team slept in the retreat center near the school reserved for similar occasions, and most of them were more than ready to face plant into their sleeping bags after washing the sweat from today’s activities.
Taehyun has barely dried his hair when Yeonjun calls for him. The younger knows he’s just seeking feedback on his spikes based on today’s activities but it doesn’t stop his traitorous heart from beating wildly in his ribcage.
The two boys talk it over with a recording of their last set playing in Taehyun’s phone, sitting on a bench outside the retreat center for some privacy. Lights out wasn’t for about another hour so no one would come looking for them.
After they were done, however, none of them motioned to stand up and walk back to the retreat center, and sat side by side in comfortable silence. The brunet tries not to focus on Yeonjun’s leg next to his, the warmth a contrast to the chill of the night.
“Hey, Taehyun?” the senior asks, breaking the silence.
“Yeah?” the younger says, about to stutter.
“This is my last year here, huh.”
“It is, unless you flunk a class or something.”
“Yah,” Yeonjun glares at him, and the junior snickers.
“Just kidding hyung. I thought you already cried enough after nationals, are you getting sentimental again?”
“I’m not, you brat,” he grumbles, elbowing Taehyun lightly. “Just that, I have so many things I want to do before I graduate.”
“Right, so you’re telling me this because..?”
“Because you’re involved in them, duh.”
Eyes widening, Taehyun felt like his heart was about to stop at that very moment. Any words he would’ve wanted to say die in his throat. He doesn’t know what Yeonjun means, and he needs answers.
Taking his silence as a sign to continue, the older presses on. “That’s why, I wanted to ask you something, Taehyun,” he says, looking at the other with wide sincere eyes.
The younger feels faint. His heartbeat keeps ringing in his ears, eyes cloudy, hands sweaty, and his body feels like it’s on fire. He can’t believe what he’s hearing, mind running a mile a minute.
There’s no way this is real. He isn’t actually going to, you know…
Confess?
“Okay, so Taehyun, will you-”
“Yes!” Taehyun hears himself say, cutting off the older. He has never wanted to smack himself so hard until now. His adrenaline-filled body was already leaping before he had a chance to even look.
“You will?” Yeonjun asks, eyes wide with hope and smiling brighter than the moon.
The brunet doesn’t know what he’s gotten himself into, but it’s too late to back out now. Not when his crush is looking at him like that. “Y-yeah.”
“Great!” Yeonjun says, ruffling his hair. “Let’s discuss the plan with the others tomorrow.”
The junior’s head tilts. “The what?”
“The plan,” the older reiterates. “You’re going to help me ask Soobin out, right?”
Taehyun blinks once.
Twice.
He blinks one last time, and then it sinks in.
“Help me ask Soobin out.”
The phrase keeps repeating in his head like a mantra, all the feelings built up in him slowly breaking into a million pieces. He doesn’t know what to focus on - the phrase his mind keeps on playing, the dread sinking deep into the pit of his stomach, or the emptiness he feels on his chest where his heart is supposed to be. Oddly enough, the blazing sensation on his body has disappeared and he’s instantly embraced by the cold sting of the night.
Taehyun has to be dreaming. Otherwise, he is completely, utterly fucked .
The following days are a blur for the junior. He tries his best to not let his tornado of emotions affect his play. It makes him more perceptive and snippier than usual, and fortunately his coach and teammates take this for eagerness to improve the team dynamics.
But when he does lose focus even for just a second, the makeshift walls he’s built to keep his emotions at bay would come crashing down. He starts to feel the awful twist and pull in his chest like his heart’s being wrung out, trying to squeeze it dry of whatever was causing him so much pain. It’s a feeling worse than injury, and Taehyun does his best to avoid it at all costs.
But then again, it’s near impossible to go through a day without feeling it when he’s agreed to help his crush confess to someone else. And Taehyun thought, damn was Soobin lucky to be confessed to by the one and only Choi Yeonjun when he learns of the efforts the senior has done to make the big confession perfect.
Ironically, Yeonjun also decided to confess under the giant cherry blossom tree, which he plans to decorate with fairy lights. Some of their teammates would sing a bit of “Just the Way You Are” by Bruno Mars led by their middle blocker Kai, with their libero Beomgyu on the guitar. Yeonjun would hide behind the tree with a bouquet of roses and come out to confess after the song.
And what was Taehyun himself doing in this scheme, you ask? Well, he’s in charge of keeping Soobin busy while they get the preparations ready every night, as well as lead him to the cherry blossom tree on the planned day. It was probably for the best, because he can’t trust himself to not burst into tears while rehearsing the song with the others.
Besides, he enjoyed talking to the older hyung and captain in the ruse of distraction. The anguish in his heart whispers in his ear to despise him, but he couldn’t, even if he tried to. Not when their captain always looked out for him, and never stopped cheering him on even on days he wasn’t doing his best. It wasn’t his fault Yeonjun liked him, and it wasn’t his fault Taehyun won’t be able to confess to Yeonjun in the first place. It was unfair to blame Soobin, and it was much more unfair to blame Yeonjun for the ache in his chest that won’t go away whenever he sees him.
On the night before the big confession day, Taehyun decides to confront the raging emotions within him under the covers of his sleeping bag. He’d rather decrease the likelihood of breaking down in front of everyone tomorrow. Everyone else was already fast asleep, looking forward to tomorrow. Everyone but him.
Drawing his knees close to his torso, Taehyun holds himself as he feels tears escape his eyes, silently sniffling as pangs of heartache course throughout his body. He’s always known how much someone has to sacrifice to give your heart to someone else, but he gave his away anyway.
It used to be innocent, earnest admiration. Yeonjun was the sun, and Taehyun never stopped looking up to him, even if his very existence is blinding. With admiration came curiosity, and for a while Taehyun thought he only wanted to be familiar with the senior to give him better tosses, but then he learned quickly enough that that wasn’t the case at all - he learned so much things about the blue-haired boy. He knew Yeonjun enjoyed dressing up outside of school, how spicy he liked his ramen, and even the complex the other had with the baby fat on his cheeks.
He knew all of this and more because they hung out after practice a lot. And the more he knew, the more the questions evolved into daydreaming how well his hands would fit with the blue-haired boy’s, into wondering how soft his lips would be pressed against his own. He thought that he was lucky to walk 4 blocks of street alone with Yeonjun before they parted ways, content with his hands sometimes brushing accidentally against the other’s.
He thought whatever he had with Yeonjun was special, something he wanted to keep and to never change as he cradles it close to his chest. So even if their relationship wasn’t special to the older, it won’t change what feelings Taehyun already has for him. It doesn’t matter that the exhilaration he used to associate with it has turned to dread.
That’s why he’s going to greet Yeonjun as he leads Soobin to him with a big smile tomorrow. He isn’t going to sabotage the plan no matter how many scenarios his mind has come up with, because Yeonjun entrusted him with the source of his happiness. He doesn’t want to get in the way of it, even if Yeonjun’s happiness meant he had to sacrifice his own. The blue-haired boy doesn’t need to know of his feelings when he’s clearly interested in someone else.
Taehyun gave away his heart for the first time to Choi Yeonjun. Despite everything he’s been through because of this decision, he’s come to terms that he has no regrets falling for him, out of anyone who deserved to be his first love.
That night, Taehyun cries himself to sleep.
The last day of summer camp wasn’t too strenuous for the team. It was mostly focused on self-reflection and individual evaluations. And just like tradition, they would play a set to decide who would clean up after the huge BBQ party they were having for dinner, giving their managers a well-deserved break. Even if it hurt his pride, Taehyun set up their team to lose, as he was conveniently teamed up with Soobin among others. Maybe his pride didn’t take too huge of a blow; his thoughts were already in another timezone throughout the set anyway.
Taehyun has a feeling Yeonjun’s noticed he wasn’t his usual self for the past five days. The older stared at him for far too long, tried talking more often with him during breaks, and always encouraged him to eat more. But Taehyun ignored his concerns - he had to learn to distance himself. If he didn’t know his boundaries now, then he wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face when he catches Yeonjun and Soobin being lovey-dovey after the confession.
So far, the junior’s managed to keep Soobin busy while on dishwashing duty as he brings over the dirty plates and utensils they used during the BBQ. In the process, he makes the other club members leave one by one to help with decorations and other last-minute preparations.
“Say, Taehyunnie,” Soobin asks while he washes the plates and the younger dries them next to him. “How did it end up being the two of us doing almost all of the work? Like I know we lost, but the rest of the losers are nowhere to be found!”
“It’s too late for that hyung, we’re almost done anyway,” Taehyun replies, carefully stacking plates next to him after wiping them dry. Soobin groans at that, complaining about his hands getting all wrinkly and the younger just laughs at him.
The two finally finish cleaning up a few minutes later, with the captain humming in satisfaction after seeing that the dining hall was properly tidied up as well. Looking out the window, Taehyun sees the signal that the plan was ready - a lone volleyball perched precariously on top of the outside lamppost, a feat that Kai is only known to do so as one of the tallest players in the team. He’s begged Soobin to try it, but the older just smacks him up the head for inappropriate use of sport equipment.
It’s time. Despite all the things Taehyun promised himself that he would do, he still felt nervous and jittery anyway.
“Soobin hyung,” the younger calls out for the captain. “I think everyone’s gone to visit the cherry blossom tree for good luck. Should we go join them?”
“Let’s go do that! Then I’m gonna give them a piece of my mind for ditching us,” Soobin huffs, already making his way to the door.
Taehyun walks side by side with the older as they take the pathway through the woods, each step feeling heavier the nearer they get to their destination. Soobin is pretty much silent throughout the walk, humming from time to time. Somehow, the cool breeze that sends shivers down the younger’s spine reminds him why he’s doing all this in the first place.
For Yeonjun.
So he moves on.
Soon enough, they reach the large clearing, and Taehyun hardly recognizes the cherry blossom. Lights hang from its branches, colors of the rainbow glowing softly and illuminating the area. Pastel-colored stars are also scattered around the tree, some nestled between the leaves and some dangled from strings that gave them the illusion that they were floating. Some reflected the light from the fairy lights that made them twinkle like real stars as they sway gently in the wind.
Taehyun smiles bitterly. This sight isn’t meant for him, so he needs to exit the stage now.
The brunet is about to flee to the side before Kai and the others start singing and Beomgyu begins the song when he notices something odd. Something that made him freeze on the spot.
They aren't anywhere in sight. There was an obvious lack of people assigned to set the mood for the confession. Did the plan change?
“Taehyunnie,” the younger hears Soobin from behind him, but he’s still a bit confused to think about turning around.
“As the team’s captain and your hyung, words can’t explain how grateful I am for how many times you’ve put the team first before yourself. But you have to remember that there are some things you don’t have to sacrifice because you deserve it.” Eyes growing wide, Taehyun finally finds the will to turn around, to find Soobin giving him a big grin.
“Now go and punch Yeonjun hyung for the both of us, okay? He’s such an idiot for thinking he needed a stupidly elaborate plan for all of this,” is the last thing the captain says before winking at him and dashing off into the forest. Taehyun’s about to go after him when he hears a song playing from a speaker set.
He knows this song too well. Over And Over Again by Nathan Sykes. More importantly, this isn’t a part of the plan they agreed on. Taehyun can’t wrap his head around the current situation at all.
And then Yeonjun stepped out from where he was hiding and took the wind out of Taehyun. Gray turtleneck contrasting pale skin, he wore a beige coat on top of it, which showed off his broad shoulders. Wearing dress pants that perfectly framed his long legs, his look was finished with carefully polished leather shoes. His electric blue hair was parted to one side and was styled to let a few strands fall on his face with the rest slicked back. Taehyun feels severely underdressed in his plaid polo shirt - skinny jeans - sneakers combo. Plush lips smile at the brunet and obsidian orbs that reflected the artificial constellation of stars in them twinkled with fondness at the younger.
Instead of red roses, he instead held a bouquet of pink ranunculus flowers in his hands.
Taehyun blinks owlishly at Yeonjun, dumbfounded, yet still so, so in love with him.
His mind can barely grasp the events unfolding right now. He has to be dreaming or something.
Despite all that, he manages to blurt out, “Soobin hyung ran away.”
The older laughs that adorable laugh of his, but says nothing. He motions for the younger to look up with a finger. Taehyun whips his head up in time to hear something popping above him.
Fireworks.
Sparks of light fill the sky, making crackling sounds as if beckoning to be seen. Pretty arcs of all colors and shades dance in front of Taehyun, and he can’t tear his eyes away from them.
Eventually, the fireworks display starts to form words that the brunet barely follows to read, but Yeonjun recites the phrase for him to hear, word for word. They make his eyes water and the heart in his chest beat wildly, sending waves of warmth and exhilaration all over his body.
Kang Taehyun, I really like you a lot. Will you be my boyfriend?
Taehyun doesn’t realize he’s crying uncontrollably until he’s wrapped in the embrace of the older and he feels hands frantically wiping his tears away. He lets himself be coddled as his brain finally registers what’s been going on.
This confession plan wasn’t meant for Soobin, but for him. The person Yeonjun likes is him , and the awful ache in his chest is gone and replaced with an overwhelming surge of happiness.
And maybe a little bit of anger.
Through tears, Taehyun grabs the bouquet in one hand and punches the older in the shoulder with the other. The punch must be just a tad more powerful than Yeonjun probably expected as he staggers back a bit, confused.
“That’s for making me think you’re confessing to someone else when all of this is for me ,” the younger says between sniffles, trying hard not to let his tears stain the pretty flowers he’s holding.
The confusion in Yeonjun’s face turns into realization, and then… guilt?
“Oh, yeah…,” he starts, face falling. “I was scared you’d find out, and I wanted everything to be perfect but I guess I didn’t think things through. Soobin said something like this might happen, but I was too worried about other aspects of the plan to listen to him,” the older admits, dropping his head in shame. “I’m sorry.”
Taehyun walks up to him and flicks him on the forehead. Yeonjun looks somewhat pissed, but the expression dies down when he sees the younger smiling at him and his face gets noticeably pinker.
“Why did I have to fall for a dummy,” Taehyun says while sighing. “Hyung, you should be glad this is the worst I can do to you; anyone else and you might’ve gotten more than a punch or two for lying to them.”
Yeonjun pouts, and the brunet is holding back a laugh at the sight. “I understand, Hyunnie, I’ll do better- Wait what?”
“What?” Taehyun parrots back at him.
“Y-you said-”
“That you’re a dummy?”
“Not that! I mean, yeah, rude. But I meant the first part-”
“Why would I fall for a dummy like you? Well duh hyung, I've liked you since I was a freshman.”
Yeonjun’s eyes are as wide as saucers. “And then I made you think I like someone else?! Fuck I’m such an asshole, I need to off myself because the world doesn’t need me anymore, I’m a terrible person-”
The blue-haired boy gets cut off mid-sentence when Taehyun’s lips brush against his own. Taehyun should be mad, pissed even, for getting his feelings tossed around for the past week, but Yeonjun can’t find a trace of anger when the younger breaks the kiss. All that’s reflected in his eyes are the stars, his lips still pulled into a smile revealing his pearly white teeth, and the splash of pink across his cheeks like he was a flower in full bloom.
He’s beautiful like this.
Even when Yeonjun has inwardly made the past five days living hell for Taehyun, he can’t believe the other is still able to look at him like he had hung the stars in the sky for him.
Well no shit, Sherlock, he’s already said he likes you , his head (un)helpfully reminds him.
“Idiot or not, I’m just lucky my crush likes me back,” Taehyun says, relieved, resting his forehead against Yeonjun’s. The flowers were probably crushed between them, but that was fine. Any petals that fell would join the fallen cherry blossom petals and no one would mind. They would be a mix of different shades of pink, the same shades dusting the cheeks of the two boys and the tips of their ears.
Both of them let the silence linger for a bit, staring into each other’s eyes, hands finding one another to meet and intertwine. Hands with rough, hardened skin from years of volleyball are felt, but it doesn’t bother any of them a single bit.
“Does this mean you’ll go out with me?” Yeonjun asks, free hand reaching to cup the younger’s face, thumb rubbing away the last of his tears.
Taehyun leans against the touch, eyes closed contentedly. “I would be an idiot to say no, and hyung is already doing enough for both of us.”
“Yah,” the older warns, but there’s no malice in it. They both laugh at that, and Yeonjun presses their lips together again.
The brunet has read somewhere that your first kiss would be like experiencing fireworks, with sparks flying and everything, but Taehyun learns that isn’t the case for him. His first kiss is warm like the sunrise that shines through your window every morning. It makes every fiber of his being melt in its embrace, keeps him safe from the chill of the night. If this is what it felt to kiss the blue-haired boy, then he’s going to have to get used to seeking this warmth all the time.
That night, Taehyun can barely feel the cold of the night with Yeonjun by his side. It's a weird and unfamiliar feeling to have your feelings reciprocated, but he'll gladly take it. This was a dream he thought was meant to remain a dream, but it came true.
And true to his word, Taehyun doesn’t regret falling for Yeonjun.