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Charles is used to the fact that he and Pierre lead two different lives. The fact that he became a Formula One driver and that Pierre stopped in this path and continued his studies. He loves him no less, he loves their differences and he loves that they share a daily life, a relationship.
Pierre is an IT engineer in Big Data. And to be honest, Charles has no idea what that means. He never understood anything. He's just happy to sit next to Pierre and hear him chatter for hours about a topic, new projects he seems infinitely excited about. He's blossoming and that's all he wants to see.
He wouldn't change their life for the world, wouldn't want their relationship any other way.
The general public is not aware. In the eyes of all, Pierre is his best friend who visits him from time to time, who is present by his side. He still feels a pride deep in his chest, the pride of seeing his boyfriend walking through the crowd and coming to watch the races. Coming to watch his races.
Even if it is far from being possible all the time, even more since Pierre entered the working life and found a job. And even despite his complicated schedule, how many times has he found him in the dark, his computer in his lap, on Sunday or Monday night, surrounded by cans of Red Bull, even though he was working the next day, awaiting his return.
Charles knows that Pierre went through a lot during his engineering school years. He was treated to the details, the mood swings, the stressful times of exams, the hesitant and worried looks when he asked him if he could go on vacation or on weekends with other student friends.
It always made him laugh. Laugh tenderly, fondly, oh he’s so fond of Pierre. Because in no way would he prevent his boyfriend from being free, from having friends, from having a good time without him. Yes, he likes to have him by his side but he likes to know that he is happy above anything else.
There was also the surprise and shock of Pierre’s friends as they found out that they were childhood friends and even boyfriends. It's also fun. So much fun to watch. F1 driver Charles Leclerc what ?! often reflected in their eyes.
But if he had to keep a memory of those years of study, it might be that of the last year. The last few months, the “Long Project” Pierre had to introduce to a jury to validate his year, of which he has, once again, not understood much. He just loved being able to drag Pierre alongside him for a few Grand Prix, the Frenchman working mainly from his computer and from a discord with some other students he teamed up with.
He loved changing his mind too, taking his mind off things, off work. Get him out, take care of him. No matter what the result of the Grand Prix was, there was something more to having him by his side. So much more. He really adored taking care of him, in luxurious hotel rooms.
Run a bath, massage him, let him sleep more than reasonably, bring him breakfast in bed … small things that mean a lot.
Japan will always have a more special meaning. To screw up Pierre's hours of sleep, yes, but also because he will never forget the way his eyes lit up with each discovery. The restaurant he forced him to go to, the questions he kept asking out of curiosity, the smile that never left his lips …
The stroll near the cherry trees, the wonder reflected on the face of the man older of one year, his features beautifully lit by the city lights, relaxed for the first time in weeks, and the kiss they shared away from prying eyes.
Charles would take Pierre as many times as he wanted if it was to see this innocence, this naivety, this joy shining again in his eyes. He wants nothing more than to cherish these moments spent together that he will not forget.
Nor will he forget his boyfriend's graduation.
The chic evening, the long dresses and suits, a gala. A cocktail. He stood a bit away from the room but people didn't pay much attention to him, out of respect or out of enthusiasm, he doesn't quite know. But hugging a tearful Pierre, a piece of paper worth his years of study in his hand, was worth it, so much worth it.
They celebrated in the best possible way. Charles ripped off Pierre's overpriced shirt because of his eagerness but they ignored it, continuing to kiss in the darkness of their apartment.
There are those times when the fact that they lead two different lives is painful. Or at least frustrating. His first victory in F1, the champagne flowing over him, his hymn in his ears and his heart beating at his temples. The adrenaline hasn't quite faded away, but he is overwhelmed by the same thought, by the same need to look for a face in the crowd. One unique person.
Even if he knows he won't find it.
Pierre cannot free himself from his occupations, Charles knows it. He is even the one who insisted that he should focus on his work instead of coming with him. He knows that's what he wanted but ...
His absence is felt. He closes his eyes and imagines his smile, his compliments, the hug he would offer him, whispering in his ear that he is proud of himself. They are so close but so far away. He is content with all the glory Monza has to offer him.
A few hours later, he finally ends his day.
In his field of vision, an imperceptible red captures his attention. The paddock is almost deserted. It’s a red and white flag. The Monegasque flag. A man runs towards him, the Monegasque flag on his back, and before he even realizes it he's up to him, draping them both in the fabric, just enough to kiss him deeply.
“Hi,” Pierre said, a small smile on his lips.
“You- … I thought you couldn't come ? And your work ?”
“I wasn't going to miss my boyfriend's first Formula One victory, right ?”
“You're crazy …”
Pierre smiles at him and his hand slips into his. Right now, he wants to forget everything. Forgetting that there could be a crowd of people staring at them, forgetting that it's still a secret, that he doesn't even know what the consequences would be for him, for them if it happened.
“Shall I take you back to the hotel ?”
“Come back with me and please stay.”
Pierre kisses his cheek without hesitation. His emotions that had calmed down seem to have come back fully. He's happy, a podium-like euphoria; that of having his loved one by his side.
“How could I not stay, rather.”
“You could also invite your boyfriend !” Max laughs softly, before slapping him on the back.
Charles looks down, left alone. It's not a bad idea. It's a private party between pilots after all, he knows most of the people who share their lives with them will be there too. But he also knows that Pierre has been busy lately. A particular client who takes time and a lot of programming.
He sighs.
He can't decently bother his boyfriend, not like that. He has a heavy heart because he feels they are spending less time together. They are so close to celebrating their- what ? fifth year of relationship ? Yes. A smile that lands on his lips.
One year that Pierre has been working in a company based near their apartment in Monaco. Four years of study.
He ties his shirt with his shaking hands. It doesn’t feel comfortable. A weird feeling in his chest. Pierre slips by his side a little too easily, his arms circling his waist before he helps him with his shirt.
“You seemed to be having a hard time, I thought you needed some help.”
He doesn't answer and just smiles. His boyfriend kisses his cheek and keeps his arms around him.
“Where did you tell me you’re going already ?”
“At the restaurant with the guys and afterwards at Max's. Well, at Max and Daniel's. You have a dish ready in the fridge.”
“I know, I know, my love. Don't worry about me, have fun, okay ?”
Charles pouts and turns to kiss his boyfriend. His man prolongs the kiss so well that he moans, trying to free himself.
“Pierre ! I'll … if you keep it up, I'm not gonna want to leave.”
A grin rose on Pierre's lips.
“Who tells you that I want to let you go ?”
A few hours are enough for Charles to realize that he is third wheeling. A bit too much. There is so much flirtation in the air that he wishes he could cover his nose. He’s almost certain that Daniel and Max are playing footsie with each other under the table. Lando looks at Carlos like he is a god and Alex and George are in their world. He’s not even certain that the next arrivals will change anything.
Lewis, Seb, Valtteri and Nico (and he wouldn't be surprised if Kevin did come too).
It’s not that the evening is not pleasant, it’s not that he is not happy in their company, that’s not the truth. It's just that he watches them, wondering what if Pierre was there. He misses Pierre. It's the same void in his daily life, when he can't have him by his side and just has to be content with it.
Because they lead two different lives and it's always been that way. Their reunion is only better every time. But there's always something frustrating about being so close and not being able to spend time together.
Yes, he feels good among his friends, but he wouldn’t have been more miserable spending the evening with Pierre on their sofa, watching a movie and snuggling up to him. He thinks it may have been a great outcome for this evening.
He sat near a window, glass in hand, sandwiched between Sebastian and Lando. The conversation continues about the current season and then changes so quickly he almost struggles to keep up, then-
“Charles, your boyfriend is finally here !”
He turns his head quickly and stands up. His eyes widen as he scans up and down the person who has just entered the room. Tight black jeans and a simple white shirt rolled up at the elbows, hinting at the rollex (which he bought him on his birthday) and the ever-present tan that is slowly fading (their last vacation - he dragged him to Dubai).
“Sorry for the delay.” Pierre says simply, a smile on his lips.
“You- I …”
He can't speak but Pierre doesn't take offense, slipping an arm around his waist and kissing him gently.
“I thought you had some work to do ?”
“Hmm, I did. I finished the most important thing before I came. I couldn’t leave you alone tonight, could I ?”
He smiles, because he won't admit his loneliness but is happy that his mate has joined him. He makes him sit down next to him. Lando serves Pierre a glass and watches him with wide eyes.
“So is it you, Charles's famous boyfriend ? You are even hotter in real life …”
“Lando !” Charles and Carlos exclaim at the same time.
Lando just laughs and Pierre smiles, not caring more than that. The evening continues and it is as if Pierre had always been among them. It seems so natural. He looks at him in the midst of all these pilots, the ghost of a life that could have been theirs, and feels strangely proud to be his boyfriend.
He wouldn't change their life for anything in the world.
Charles had never planned to come out publicly. Either way, he didn't want to interfere with Pierre’s life or display him that way. Already the rare appearances as his best friend had caused the count of people wanting to subscribe to his boyfriend’s accounts to go up, he didn't want him to be hassled.
He wanted him to be able to keep life as simple and authentic as possible.
Also, he finds himself absolutely paralyzed by finding the various press articles with a picture of their kiss framed in large size.
“Pierre, I'm so sorry, sweetheart, I …”
He's devastated. He wants to apologize, he wants to find a way to fix the situation. Their romance is shattered.
“Why are you apologizing ? If at least that could allow me to have other offers from better companies …”
He looks up to find a smile on the lips of his companion. Just an amused smile, not really offended.
“Pierre ?”
“I'm not angry, at most, I could be angry with the press, for stealing this moment from you, my love. It's supposed to be yours, you're supposed to be able to choose what to do and it puts you more at risk than anyone, being in the middle of a contract, of a career.”
His eyes widen and he falls silent for a moment. Silent because even in such moments, Pierre has his best interests at heart. He stares into the void, his thoughts scattered all around him, before coming to an answer. He begins to walk again, heading straight for the drawer of the old dresser they keep in their living room.
It doesn't take long before he finds the object he's looking for and returns to Pierre's side, taking a deep breath.
“I wasn't planning on doing it. I actually don't know. I just thought I had to do it now. It seemed obvious to me, I … I love you so much Pierre. Since all this time. It's probably one of the last things we d haven’t done yet but I can't see my life without you so …”
His throat is tight with emotion, his voice hardly coming out, choked, as he reveals the velvet box. Pierre contemplates him for a moment, and his eyes moisten slightly. He thinks his are just as wet.
“You really are an idiot. This is the worst time to make your proposal. The worst.”
Charles gasps. Pierre simply opens the box and slides the ring onto his finger.
“You are lucky that I am an idiot too. And that I love you a little too much to say no.”
He almost throws himself on his neck to kiss him. This day is strange but he is ready to live with his own choices. He doesn't want anything more.
“Does that mean that this time I can come to the paddock being more than your best friend ?” Pierre whispers in his ear and he can't help but laugh.
“You will come to the paddock being much more than my best friend.”
It doesn't take long before the link is made between the picture of the kiss and the ring that now adorns his ring finger. Pierre finds himself overwhelmed with interview requests, messages and fans, but he takes it all with a smile - this is what could have happened on a daily basis if he had continued his career, he says.
Charles proudly contemplates his ring, which unites him to the one who has been his childhood friend, best friend, lover and soon to be his husband and smiles.
It’s a dangerous sport in which he engages and it’s two lives that they have chosen to lead.
But they wouldn't change their daily lives for the world.